


Heart Is Where The Home Is

by olivemeister



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet, Character Development, Complete, Developing Friendships, Emotional Baggage, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, First Crush, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, POV Multiple, Panic Attacks, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Redemption, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Trauma, Unintentional Redemption, Unrequited Crush, Villains to Heroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-02-21 20:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 95
Words: 341,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13151775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemeister/pseuds/olivemeister
Summary: In an unfamiliar familiar place, Roxas finds familiar unfamiliar faces. Whatever he'd thought to find upon returning to Sora, it wasn't what he got. Faced with something he'd known all along that was entirely new, the story Roxas had thought was over had only passed into the next chapter.Having chosen to vanish forever, Xion comes face-to-face with a reality she wasn't prepared for. In her search for a sense of self beyond what had been borrowed, she finds an unexpected and unpredictable ally. With the help of friends, she seeks something she'd never considered she'd be allowed to find.Ten years earlier Ventus opens his eyes on a beach and discovers he isn't as alone as he'd thought, and the person there with him isn't exactly the person he thought he'd known.And above all else, Sora's heart is a place with its own kind of magic.Canon divergent. Includes elements from the BBS novel adaptations that are not found in the game canon. Canon-adjacent. Two stories for the price of one! Increasingly implied VenVan.Complete!Tags may update, character tags cover characters who actually appear, not discussed characters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone here's Dave back on his bullshit. Merry Christmas! It's time for a KH fanfiction that is actually already complete! The entire story is written, so no worries about me losing steam. Time to strap yourselves in, because this one's a doozy. Hope you enjoy angst, trauma, a struggle towards redemption, and the power of friendship!

It was a place he knew well.

Standing there, soaking wet on the beach at twilight, Roxas stared out towards the water he’d fallen quietly into. It was dusk, or perhaps dawn. Which it was didn’t truly matter. It was twilight here, and maybe it always would be.

“Where…” Not Destiny Islands, but Destiny Islands. He was there and he wasn’t, a place that was warm and familiar and comforting. A place he knew. A place that was home. Roxas knew where he was. “… I see.”

“Roxas! Roxas, over here!” There, not far from where he stood, a voice rang out. Like everything else there, it was something he knew. Like everything else there, it made his chest ache. Was he real? Was it a dream? Did it matter? But she was calling his name, and all he could do was take off running. Through the beach shack, up the stairs, to the tiny man-made island connected by bridge. A place he knew. A voice he knew. A soul he knew.

“Xion!”

She was there, she was safe, she was exactly the way he remembered and he _could_ remember. It rushed in like the water on the beach and spilled down his cheeks, a flood of memories that he hadn’t realized he’d lost. Though he’d felt it still inside of him, it wasn’t until she was standing before him again that Roxas truly understood the magnitude of what had been taken from him.

Xion was warm against him when he threw his arms around her, and all he could do for a moment was hold on.

“Roxas, it’s okay, don’t squeeze so hard! I won’t go anywhere, I promise!” Xion’s arms wound around his middle, and the squeeze she gave him back was just as strong.

“How am I supposed to believe that, huh?” Roxas couldn’t stop himself from crying, a familiar feeling, a feeling he had felt not long ago. But this time, it all belonged to him. The burst of relief, the soaring joy, all of that was his and his alone. It was a feeling that no one else could lay any claim to.

He’d missed it, her laugh. The sound of the waves, Xion’s laugh, the beating in their chests. Sora had saved them, though Roxas was sure he didn’t have a clue. Sora still didn’t even know who he was, not really. But that was okay, because in here was…

“Ohhh,” a voice said from behind him, a voice that made the hairs on his neck stand up. It was his voice, and Roxas knew from the expression on Xion’s face that the sound of it had him looking terrified. “Xion, you really weren’t kidding. He does look just like me!”

When Roxas turned, a chill having already taken the feeling from his hands, it was to see a face that was identical to his own. He swallowed hard, and one of Xion’s hands took his freezing ones. Standing at the entrance to the seaside shack was a boy who looked just like him.

“Wh…”

“Sorry,” the boy said, scratching the back of his neck and almost seeming embarrassed. Roxas thought that their expressions probably matched as well, two disconcerted faces. He wiped at his cheeks, not knowing what else to do. A stranger, who looked just like him. “This is really weird, isn’t it? I didn’t realize how weird it was going to be but now that I’m looking at you it’s really, really weird. Oh man, this is so weird…”

“Uh… sorry, just… Who are you? We’re in Sora’s heart, aren’t we? I know why Xion is here, but…”

“That’s right. This is Sora’s heart. I’ve actually been here for a really long time, longer than almost anyone else I guess. My name’s Ventus, but call me Ven!” Ven took a few steps towards him, looking just as awkward as Roxas felt, and held one hand out. There was nothing he could do but take it, uncanny as it felt.

“I’m Roxas,” Roxas said lamely, faintly thankful that his voice didn’t sound as bad as it could have. Ven looked exactly like him, he had thought. But from those words Roxas was beginning to realize it was the other way around. “Why… why do I look like you?”

“I wish I knew,” Ven sighed, letting go of his hand and making his way over to the bent tree that had grown on that platform. It was perfect to sit on Roxas knew, because Sora had sat there so many times. Rather than climbing up onto it, Ven only rested his hand on the bark. “We’ve got some ideas, you know, but I don’t really think… until I met Xion in here, I didn’t know what a Nobody was. We’ve only talked a little so I’m still not sure I get it, but the best guess we’ve got is… Since we’ve been here in Sora’s heart for so long, when you… when he made you, because my heart was also there, it sort of… shaped you? A little bit. I think my heart might have been inside of you. Sorry about that, it’s probably… kind of weird to say. Maybe a little creepy.”

The cold horror was back. Ven’s heart had been… inside of him? Roxas patted his chest, knowing it looked stupid but unable to keep from doing it nonetheless. Was that the reason? When Axel had asked him if he had a heart, had it been because it was true? Had he had a heart that simply didn’t belong to him?

Roxas ran his hands through his hair, trying not to simply crouch down, clutch his head, and scream.

Who was he? Sora, Ven… If a heart had been inside him all along, was he a Nobody at all? The one thing he’d thought was certain was falling out beneath his feet. Ven’s heart? Then, surely, he didn’t have one of his own. Just another anomaly from the start. Even more of a mistake than he’d thought. Something was hammering wildly in his chest. Roxas swallowed hard, trying to push it away. What was he? What _was_ he?

“It makes sense,” Xion said, sounding as if it was something they’d discussed over and over. Roxas glanced back and forth between them, unsure how to respond. Ven’s heart was in Sora’s heart, and had been for some time. Except for when it had been… in him. What was _happening_? It was hard to breathe, but Xion’s voice was helping him focus. “Roxas, are you okay?”

“I…” Roxas covered his mouth with one hand, hoping neither of them realized it was an attempt to settle his breathing. Even through the gloves of his uniform, his fingers felt cold. Taking as slow of a breath as he could, Roxas lowered his hand again. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Ven said, and Roxas wanted to scream at him for it. How could he be fine? He was staring at his own doppleganger and coming to the horrible realization that he wasn’t the original. Ven had been around long before he’d ever been born, then. Was Roxas just a cheap knock-off, some confused compilation of Sora and Ven? Even his form couldn’t sort his existence out. Was he Sora at all, or was he just a pale imitation of Ven? “Look, even if you look like me, and, sound like me… I don’t think that has to _mean_ anything.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” The words seemed incredibly stupid to Roxas. Of course it had to mean something. How could it not? He was just too stupid to figure out what that meaning was, evidently. He was inside of Sora, completely floundering, lost yet again. Roxas wasn’t sure if he would ever understand anything about himself. Maybe he was nothing more than an unnecessary, accidental duplicate of a boy he’d never met.

“It’s just like… sure. You look like me. But that doesn’t mean you’re me, and it doesn’t really have anything to do with who you are. It was really weird, sure! For a minute, I didn’t know if I had something wrong with me, that I was messed up for looking like you. So I’m sure that’s worse for you. But…” Ven paused, his forehead wrinkling as he thought. It was a lot to take in, really. What had it been like for Ven, to have Xion tell him that someone who looked exactly like him existed? “Well, I guess let me put it this way. I really, really don’t get what a Nobody is, I think. But from what Xion told me, one day you just… existed, looking the way you did, basically at the age you are now. Is that right?”

“… Yeah. That’s what happened.”

“I thought at first, “That must have been awful.” But then I remembered how _I_ was born, and I’m not so sure. Your way might have been a little easier. Maybe I’m kind of jealous. We were both sort of… not “nothing”, when we were born, but we didn’t have any real sense of identity. I’m, uh… I don’t really think I totally understand where babies come from. Don’t get me wrong, though! I _basically_ get it, I just… I’m not positive on some details.” Ven seemed immensely embarrassed by this admission, but Roxas wasn’t sure why. Was it something to be ashamed of, not knowing that information? It wasn’t as if Roxas knew where Nobodies came from other than in very general terms. How much did Xion know that she’d passed on to Ven? And Xion was a Replica, so she hadn’t even had the same experience as him. “But, I do know what they’re like? Human babies can’t even really think at first, and it takes years before they can actually _do_ anything. I mean, they can’t even walk. I think you were born doing a lot better than that.”

“What?” Roxas didn’t think he even understood what a baby _was,_ much less where it came from. They had to be young people, didn’t they? From context, that had to be it. Just a tiny person who couldn’t do anything at all? That couldn’t be right. He’d seen children, but he didn’t think that was the same thing. Children could walk and talk and do things.

“Um, Ven… What’s a baby?” Roxas wanted to sigh in relief as Xion asked the question. It meant he could keep pretending he’d known what one was from the start. Ven was already blinking at them, before realization seemed to dawn on his face. They were Nobodies, if Xion was even that, and they’d only existed for a brief amount of time. Probably, there was almost an infinite amount of things they simply didn’t know about. “It’s just, I’ve never heard of them before, or seen one.”

“You’ve never seen a baby? It’s really wild. They’re just really small, and fat, and their eyes are so big. They have to be held all the time, they can’t crawl for a while. They can’t talk, they can’t walk, they barely even understand what’s happening most of the time. At first they can’t even hold their heads up on their own. And they don’t even know how to eat!”

“Then how do they… how do they make it long enough to stop being babies?” Being a baby sounded like a nightmare. Had Ven been a baby? Roxas thought it was bad enough to have been the zoned-out shell that he had started as. “Is there anything _good_ about being a baby?”

Ven opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. It seemed like he was thinking about it hard, but also that thinking about it made him feel bad somehow. What had Ven been like as a baby? Small, fat, with big eyes, unable to do anything on his own. That seemed awful.

“Other people take care of you,” Ven said finally, before smiling a pained smile. “People who care about you, they help you do things that you can’t do on your own. They help you become a person. And you grow up, and you sort of… forget. I don’t remember being a baby, no one really does I don’t think. But I’ve met young kids, and I’ve seen pictures of babies?”

“… I see.” Did he? Maybe it didn’t matter. Hopefully saying that wouldn’t come back to bite him. Finally, though, Xion spoke again.

“Roxas and I never had that. One day we just sort of… were there, and while we didn’t know who or what we were…”

“We could _eat_ , at least.” Both Xion and Ven laughed at that, and he couldn’t help laughing too. It seemed like Ven thought babies were just as impractical as they appeared to him based solely on that description. Why were they like that? For the first time in his life, Roxas found himself a little glad that he’d been born a Nobody. As he smiled, Roxas realized that had been exactly the point. Ven had been trying to help him feel better about himself – about everything happening. “I guess being a Nobody beats being a baby.”

“You’re telling me.”

“About that, though…” Xion rubbed her forearm with one hand, looking a little nervous. She was going to take the conversation back into uncomfortable territory, but Roxas got the feeling that it was something Xion felt needed to be said. “At first I thought, what if you… I wondered if maybe you were Ven’s Nobody and not Sora’s, but that’s not right at all. You’re still Sora’s Nobody, I wanted you to know that hasn’t changed. Ven wasn’t turned into a Heartless, so he can’t have made a Nobody. And…”

“My body’s somewhere else,” Ven said, running his hand along the tree. As he said the words, he seemed a little sorrowful. Where was Ven’s body, and why was he inside of Sora instead of there?

“Something happened to you.”

“Yeah. We all had a lot of stuff happen.” It seemed like Ven wouldn’t continue, but Roxas didn’t know what to say. Before he could do more than process that, Ven was turning and leaning against the tree. It was going to take some getting used to, Roxas thought. Looking at Ven was almost like looking in a mirror. Their clothes were even similar, contrasting patterns of dark and light. Finally, Ven broke the silence. “You can use Sora’s Keyblade, not mine. You definitely came from him, that’s for sure. And Xion’s right. You can’t be my body, because it’s still around. Just somewhere else. My body is really far away, I think. Asleep. You were close to it, probably, because… Well. I’m still sort of connected to it, so I know it’s still there. But my heart was broken, and even though Sora helped me… I can’t go back to yet. We don’t know how.”

“Ven got hurt a while back,” Xion said, going back to rubbing her arm. Roxas was already frowning, running over the words Ven had spoken. Something had seemed wrong about them. Not a lie or even a misdirect, just something… off, that he had only subconsciously recognized. “That was when they came here.”

“We all ended up here, huh? In Sora’s heart. I was right here, a long time ago. Well, on the real island.” Ven patted the tree with one hand, grinning in a way that again was a little pained. “He saved me, back then. I only barely remember it. I know it was here, because it felt so familiar when I went to these islands again. When I got hurt again, this was where I came. Sora’s heart. We’ve been here ever since… well, almost. I think, well… I’m _pretty_ sure, I went with you. No, I’m sure. There was no other time I could have. When Sora turned I went with you, and that’s probably why you look the way I do. And, now I’m back here. I’m sort of glad I’m not alone anymore.”

“Right… but, if you were here when Sora made me, that would have to be over a year ago. You’ve been in here that long? A-and… in me, I guess. That is… that’s really weird. But, weren’t you lonely all by yourself? How could you stand being alone for over a year?”

Ven’s face went flat, and the pain that had been in his smile lingered in his eyes. Xion turned away from them, looking back towards the shack that Ven had emerged from and the open door there. Roxas didn’t feel like he could tear his eyes from Ven’s expression, an expression of overwhelming sadness. Ven and Xion had only been within Sora’s heart for a few days at best, and inside it wasn’t as if they could talk to Sora himself. Before that…

“I first came here ten years ago.” The words rocked him, and Roxas’s mouth fell open dumbly. Had he misheard? Ven had said…

“Ten _yea_ -”

“We got really messed up. But, maybe I was the one who really did it? I was asleep most of the time when I was inside you, but once I woke up it was sort of. Scary. When I was in here, it never got lonely, though. Because…” Ven kicked at the sand with one armored boot, before looking up with a sour grimace. “Hey, would you come out already? Roxas must think I’m crazy with all this “we” stuff!”

The deep, annoyed sigh that came from somewhere in the seaside shack startled him terribly. That was what it was – Ven had said “we”, enough times that he’d picked up on it without realizing. Even Xion had said it, “they” instead of “Ven”. There was someone else in Sora’s heart, and whoever it was really, really didn’t want to come out.

“Come on, already! He knows you’re here now, you might as well just get it over with.” Ven put his hands on his hips, and now _he_ looked truly annoyed himself. For a moment Roxas thought the other boy would simply stomp into the shack and extract the third person, but he didn’t move. “Get out here, don’t make me drag you out. It’s not like you could stay hidden forever!”

“Roxas, this is gonna be a little weird,” Xion said quietly, her cheeks flushing faintly when he looked to her in confusion. Completely lost, Roxas could only try to read her expression. It told him nothing useful, just that what was about to happen would be awkward. “You look just like Ven, but he looks a lot like…”

The boy who sullenly emerged from the shack had Sora’s face.

He was almost sulking, those familiar features twisted up, and Roxas felt his stomach lurch bizarrely. It was Sora’s face, but all of it was wrong. Ven was like looking into a mirror, but this boy was a distortion of Sora.

“Who…?”

“That’s Vanitas,” Ven said, exasperated. Vanitas scowled outright, looking as if he’d turn right back around and leave the way he’d come. Though he couldn’t tell how or why, Roxas thought that the relationship between those two with their eerily familiar features was very, very complex. “All the stuff that happened, the reason we’re in here, that’s because we fought. Ten years ago.”

“He killed me,” Vanitas said, an oddly calm tone in a voice that was, like his face, familiar and wrong. Sora’s voice, almost. Sora’s face, almost. Black hair that rose in the same spikes, yellow eyes that held the same shape. Words that were very, very disturbing. Roxas whipped his head around to face Ven again, and saw the other boy’s face had turned red.

“I did not!”

“You did. Ventus dissipated my form, and kicked my heart to the curb.” That had a little more emotion to it, but rather than being hurt it was biting. It sounded like the words of someone trying to hurt, not someone who was suffering. But maybe it was both. Roxas said nothing, knowing his expression was wildly confused. All of Ven’s attention was on Vanitas now though, so he didn’t even notice.

“Don’t act like you’re the victim there, you tricked me into it and then shoved your heart into my body!”

“Your body, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s mine!”

“Sure is, Ventus.” Vanitas didn’t call Ven “Ven”, it seemed. That felt like a line drawn in the sand… maybe.

“I can’t do anything with you throwing a tantrum, seriously…” Ven shoved his hands in his pockets, clicking his tongue loudly. In much the same way, Vanitas crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway with a huff. It was strangely in-sync. _They_ were strangely in-sync, in more than just their reactions in that moment.

Vanitas’s clothing was a rough match to Ven’s, almost every part of it. Rather than black on the left side of his shirt and white on the right, Vanitas wore the reverse. It wasn’t the only inverse. Where Ven’s pants were dark, Vanitas’s were light. Now that he was focusing on it, Roxas found himself inspecting their clothing even more closely than before.

Ven wore armored shoes, and Vanitas’s boots were comparatively plain, a muddled red with thin vertical stripes. The bits of his undershirt that were visible were the same way, oddly striped in red. Vanitas had fabric hanging from crisscrossed belts that circled his waist that gave the illusion of a duster or cape, while Ven had similar bands that crossed over his chest. The point where they intersected had a badge placed over it, a symbol that Roxas didn’t recognize. It existed nowhere on Vanitas. He had something different as a belt buckle, another shape that meant nothing to Roxas.

Vanitas didn’t share the armor that Ven had on his left shoulder, nor what peeked out from under his shirt. He did have something that lined his jaw and the back of his head though, pieces of some kind of helmet. Ven didn’t have anything like that. The duster, mismatched armor, and checkered wristband that only Ven wore threw off the symmetry of their clothing. Otherwise, it looked as if they had completely coordinated.

Roxas didn’t know what to think of it, other than that it seemed definite that the two of them were linked the same way he was linked to Sora. Vanitas’s odd words had raised the question of whether or not Ven’s body was solely his, and it didn’t seem like it was about his own body no longer existing. “Dissipated his form”… Roxas didn’t know what to make of that.

“Vanitas is… he’s me,” Ven said finally, as if he’d realized no one had spoken for a long moment, “… but he’s _really_ not.”

“That’s ridiculous. I either am or am not you, Ventus. Pick. You know which one’s right, don’t say something so halfhearted.”

“I get it already, give it a rest. No, he’s not me. He used to be me. No… _we_ used to be, one “us”, and now we’re… two people.” Ven paused, clearly nervous about what he was saying. Surprisingly, Vanitas didn’t take the opening to belittle him. Somehow Roxas was already certain that Vanitas was the kind of person who reveled in doing things like that. “We had a… an accident, I guess you could say.”

“It was assault,” Vanitas said cheerfully, and that chilled Roxas to the bone. This was far worse than it had been to see someone who shared his face. An accident, assault. What did that mean? Vanitas was already opening his mouth again. “It was a complete violation of the innermost sanctum of our being. An intentional shattering of a heart! And Ventus made all of it useless.”

“That’s enough,” Ven said sharply, and Vanitas grinned a smug grin. Ven had been here in Sora’s heart, with _him_ , for ten years? Vanitas was possibly the most unsettling person he’d ever met, but Ven shrugged him off with ease. “We just met Roxas, don’t start this already. I get it, but give it a rest. You’d think you’d be less willing to tell people about it, since you lost. When we first got split apart, Sora helped me. And then when we fought and got hurt, we both came here. That’s all. You don’t need to spin it in such a weird way.”

“Why not? Are you ashamed to have people know what you did right away?”

“You _attacked_ me. And you hurt Aqua. Ugh, but why am I repeating that? We’ve been through it before. Anyway, shut up. You need to stop, I know what you’re doing. I’m staying here.”

“Tch.” Vanitas was disappointed by those words, and it wasn’t until he saw that reaction that Roxas realized everything Vanitas had said was bait. He wasn’t sure what it had been bait for, but Ven had turned his nose up at it. A fight, probably. Did they fight here, within Sora’s heart? It felt almost sacrilegious, an affront to their safe haven. “Fine, I get it. It’s not like I’d force you, obviously.”

To Roxas’s dull surprise, Ven legitimately rolled his eyes at that. Everything that was happening was so unbelievable that he couldn’t even react the way he should have. Instead of saying anything, Roxas simply made his way to the tree and hopped onto it. There was no way to process everything happening just yet, so all he could do was take it in. Xion was flustered, Roxas realized. He wasn’t sure why. She definitely knew more than he did, having been within Sora’s heart with this dysfunctional pair for at least some time now. She had come… when? With him, surely. But if Ven’s heart had been with him as well, didn’t that mean that Ven too had only returned to this place in the past two days? Where had Vanitas been?

“You wouldn’t be able to force me in a thousand years.” Vanitas laughed at that, and it was far less menacing than he expected it to be. Roxas couldn’t get a handle on it, what their emotions towards each other were. But, thinking about his own emotions surrounding Sora, Roxas knew there was no way it would be simple for Ven either. Ven was scowling, more exasperated than angry, and Vanitas seemed genuinely delighted at it. It wasn’t that the glee on Vanitas’s face _wasn’t_ malicious, but it was also oddly harmless.

It just seemed… tame. Almost domestic, as if it was a routine. Neither of them considered the other to be a threat. That was at complete odds with the fact that their conflict had apparently been violent enough to reduce them to a state where they could only survive here. Maybe, over the course of the ten years they’d spent, they’d had no choice but to call a truce and coexist somewhat peacefully.

“Not bad, Ventus. Come see me later.” Though the words seemed casual, they had a weight to them that Roxas couldn’t identify. Rather than heading back down the stairs through the shack Vanitas instead jumped down, striding easily towards the door that Roxas knew led to the cove. Before he opened it, he turned to look back up at them – or, at least at Ven. Everything in his demeanor was smooth and almost sophisticated, to Roxas’s dismay. Somehow the action was cool. He hated that already. How could he think Vanitas was cool? “Don’t keep me waiting too long, idiot.”

“Suuuure, I’ll get right on that. I’d _hate_ to disappoint you.”

Vanitas laughed, and stepped through the door.

Once it had closed again, an explosive sigh burst from Xion’s lips. It made Ven jump a little, and in that moment he seemed to realize exactly how absurd the whole situation had become. Then again, it had been absurd from the start. Every single thing that was happening was absurd.

“Sorry, that was probably… I’m used to the way he is now, so it wasn’t until Xion came here that I realized how weird we must seem to other people. And now _she’s_ sort of getting used to it, which maybe isn’t a good thing.”

“I think he’s more show than anything else,” Xion said slowly, and Ven began to nod immediately. Roxas wasn’t so sure. What kind of force did it take to damage a heart to the point where another had to shelter it? More force than he could muster up, Roxas thought. Ven had to be terrifyingly strong, Roxas figured. “I haven’t been here for very long, but… Roxas, I think he’s sort of harmless. He never came out until Ven brought him, so he definitely doesn’t care about hurting us.”

“He’s just sulking and trying to save face,” Ven sighed, resting his hands on his hips. It made Roxas feel bad for him, a flood of sympathy for the boy who had put up with that for a decade. Was Vanitas always like that? “He did the same thing with Xion, it’s like he’s embarrassed. And, no. He’s upset about… well, stuff. It’s not totally senseless. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still the worst when he’s in such a foul mood.”

“But you said he _attacked_ you?”

“Oh, yeah. He definitely did that, more than once. Vanitas used to be just as bad as he just acted, all the time. He actually nearly turned me into a pile of ashes once.” Ven rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, looking flustered by what he’d just said. It was clear that he was trying to figure out what to follow that up with, so Roxas kept his mouth shut. The fact that Ven was just as awkward as him in that moment was incredibly reassuring. “We used to be enemies, yeah. It was a long time ago. He definitely doesn’t think of me as an enemy anymore. Back then was different. Who ever heard of someone seriously fighting themselves, right? But that’s definitely what we did.”

“Oh.” Roxas brought a hand to his face, scratching his cheek. It hadn’t been that long ago, had it? Earlier that day, it must have been. It was a day that seemed like it had been forever, a lifetime. Roxas wasn’t sure that it hadn’t been. His lifetime had ended, maybe, and he was little more than a ghost within Sora’s heart. “I guess I did that too.”

Ven’s smile, nervous as it had been, vanished.

“I-I mean,” Roxas continued, unable to pause and dwell on his own stuttering, “Before I came here, I was… I was somewhere else in Sora, I think.”

“Somewhere else?” Xion frowned, reaching out to take his hand. For the first time since arriving, Roxas allowed himself to think about it. Ven and Vanitas, they had hearts. They did, because something that didn’t exist couldn’t be torn in two. Were they simply half of a being, or was it possible for a shattered heart’s pieces to heal without coming back together? Certainly, the pair weren’t the same person anymore. But himself, and Xion…

How long would they remain here? Were they mere echoes of themselves, destined to fade away in time? All he had been was a body and a mind in the end, wasn’t he? Without that body, surely, his “self” wouldn’t survive. It was scary. Naminé had said he wouldn’t disappear, but…

“It _was_ Sora… I think. It was a different place. I took him into it too, I… was angry. I was hurt, it was this _pain_ in my chest, it was overwhelming. But he won. Of course he won. Unlike you and Vanitas,” this was directed at Ven, whose expression he couldn’t read, “I’m not really… real. I’m just a Nobody. Now that Sora’s whole again, there was no way I could compete. His heart’s so strong, and I… don’t even have one, I don’t think. I don’t have a body anymore. I don’t have a heart. I don’t know _what_ I am.”

“Roxas, I’m not sure that’s right.” Xion squeezed his hand, before climbing up on the tree to sit beside him. He tugged her up easily, knowing it was just simpler if they worked together. That was natural. They worked together. “I don’t think I really understand it, what a heart _is_. But we’re still here, even though we aren’t supposed to have them and even though our bodies…”

“They don’t exist anymore. Mine was never even mine, and yours, I…”

“I did trick you, you know.” Xion let go of his hand, lacing her own fingers together instead. Though he didn’t say anything, Ven sat as well. Not on the tree – it wasn’t that there was no space for him, more that he seemingly would rather sit on the edge of the raised platform. He was just taking the words in, Roxas thought. “Xemnas wanted me to destroy you, so he let me leave. I didn’t want that. I lied to you, so that you’d destroy me instead and I could come back here. I couldn’t do it on my own. I was… scared. But my memories, they were Sora’s and he needed them back.”

“Not all of them, though! The time you spent with me and Axel, that had _nothing_ to do with Sora, they were yours! There had to be another…”

“But doesn’t that mean she had a heart?” Ven was swinging his legs as he spoke, not looking at them. Roxas didn’t know what kind of expression was on his face. Now in the reverse of what had happened before it was Ven who was the third wheel of the conversation, the one with no context for it. But his voice was confident, certain. “And, she still does. I mean, I definitely don’t really get it, but from where I’m standing… You can’t be a “you” without a heart. You can’t feel pain. You can’t have memories. When my heart was broken I lost my memories, and it took years for any of them to come back. I don’t even have most of them, maybe they’re lost forever. Maybe Vanitas has more of the missing ones than he’s told me, or we both do. Just locked up still. But both of you have them. Memories, I mean. From where I’m standing, just sort of looking in, both of you definitely have hearts. I’m sure of it.”

More than anything, Roxas wanted to believe that was the truth. He’d thought it was, so recently. Everything had happened so fast. But the words he’d spoken to the man with the bandaged face, hadn’t they been true?

_“My heart belongs to me!”_

Wasn’t that right?

“Maybe,” Roxas said finally, his voice soft. They were words he’d spoken when he had forgotten what he was. Starting from that blank slate once more, had he realized something that he couldn’t have before?

“But, even if you didn’t, does it matter? If you feel, if you remember, does it really matter whether you have it? What even is a heart, you know? Even without one, you’re someone yourself. Sure, you got split up from Sora, but you’re still a person.”

“Then, aren’t you the same with Vanitas?” Xion’s words, taunting as they were, got Ven to turn to look at them with a disgusted scowl. He’d been the one to say Vanitas was him, but it seemed like the idea was completely unpalatable to him. The realization that Ven sat the same way he did, with his hands loosely resting between his knees, didn’t actually surprise Roxas. It really seemed like he’d picked up the other boy’s mannerisms, but… Roxas thought there were worse people who he could act like. He’d gotten so used to being a fragment of Sora that Roxas wasn’t sure he had enough of an identity to have a crisis regarding it with Ven. Those feelings were definitely in there, though.

“Definitely. Vanitas is… he’s definitely not me, he’s him now. He really is the worst, you know. Always trying to pick a fight, and he’s so dramatic, and he’s clingy.” Roxas wanted desperately to say something in response to that last word, but Ven was waving his hand as if he wanted to banish the thought. It didn’t seem like Ven realized how at odds the idea was with the Vanitas that Roxas had just met. What constituted “clingy” to Ven? “Did you see him jump down? He couldn’t take the stairs, because he’s trying to look cool again. I think he’s jealous, that’s why he’s trying to unsettle you guys. So you’ll stay away, maybe. No, that’s probably it, that’s just like him. He’s being moody. Even if he has a good reason, he’ll just have to deal with it.”

“Ven, can I ask you something? About Vanitas.”

“Yeah, go for it.”

“You said he doesn’t see you as his enemy. So does that mean… Are you… friends, with him?”

For a moment, it seemed Ven didn’t understand what he was saying. Then he was laughing in genuine surprise, holding onto his sides loosely and bending over. From the way he was reacting, it was the funniest thing he’d heard in a long time. Roxas didn’t know what to make of that, but Xion was laughing too now. Her face was flushing, but she was laughing. He _really_ didn’t know what to make of that.

After a long moment, Ven was able to compose himself enough to speak. “I wouldn’t put it that way,” he said, before dissolving into barely-suppressed snorting. He covered his mouth as if to hold the laughter in, looking like he’d almost cry because of it. “Sorry, sorry! I don’t think that’s the right word, friends. We’re just… us. We’re a… Haha. We stopped fighting a long time ago. There was no point. You have no idea how angry I was to see him, though! I thought I would be all alone in here, but when I woke up he was sulking on the dock. Still, when I came back here, he was… Oh!”

Ven jumped, as if something had touched him. But something _had_ touched him, something that looked like two paws wrapping around his foot. With an exasperated snort, Ven hauled it up. Once he’d done so, Roxas could see what it was – an impossibly fluffy, rotund cat with a tied ribbon as a tail. Perhaps it was two tails, long ribbon tails that hung from a bow. It looked almost like a pink cloud vaguely shaped into a cat, it was so fluffy and round. Though for a moment he was shocked, once he looked at it closer Roxas immediately knew the creature wasn’t a Heartless. It was a pale pink in color, with a heart-shaped nose and a black mark on its back that Roxas thought he’d seen somewhere. The cat’s face looked strangely insistent, and Ven pet it gently as it headbutted his chest.

“I get it,” he said quietly, and as Roxas watched Ven cuddled it up to his chest. Whatever the creature was, Ven was treating it softly. Roxas thought it was probably the right thing to do. That cat seemed like it needed something from him, almost demanding, and Ven definitely cared about it and what it was looking for. “Sorry, I should really go.”

“Go?” The words didn’t really make sense. Clearly the cat’s appearance meant something, but Roxas wasn’t sure what that something was. Were these creatures on the island as well, and Ven took care of them? The idea that there was a group of things that were and weren’t animals in Sora’s heart was a little weird.

“I’m kind of expected,” Ven said, getting to his feet without setting the creature down. He patted its head again, and though it still was determined it seemed calmer and rubbed against his neck. “This guy’s something called an Unversed. They don’t naturally exist here, they’re constructs. Uh… they’re emotions, but given shape.”

Small, fat, with big eyes, and Ven doing things for it. Ven was treating it like a baby, almost. No, that wasn’t right, Roxas thought. But he _was_ treating it gently, as if it was precious to him. To Roxas’s immense confusion, the other boy bent and pressed his lips to the Unversed’s face. Though the cat made no sound, its paws rose to caress Ven’s cheeks and hold on to him.

Were these Sora’s feelings? What would Ven do with them? Another creature was floating up, and then another and another – a flock of bright yellow creatures, birds with long, red beaks that looked like flowers and wings that flapped too fast to be truly seen. Each of them was stamped with the same mark, another kind of Unversed. They crowded around Ven, pushing at his body with increasing insistence.

“Okay, okay!” Though there had to be at least a dozen of these creatures, Ven was patting and stroking each of them without doubling up even once. He knew exactly which ones he’d already touched, it seemed. Ven was clearly used to them and knew how to respond to them. One by one, he scratched them beneath their beaks. Ven was almost acting like he was being surrounded by a swarm of eager dogs. “I know. How lame, honestly… I’ll be back, I promise. I just gotta go sort things out, or else there’s gonna be more. I don’t want that stupid chest to show up, so I really need to go. They’re getting all excited now, jeez. Relax, you guys!”

“R-right,” Roxas said dumbly, feeling as stupid as he sounded. The swarm of emotions around Ven was contracting, all of them trying to draw closer to him. It was like they were clamoring for his attention.

“I can explain after, or… Xion, you can tell him if you want. I’m pretty sure you get it.” Xion nodded easily, her smile strange and gentle. She knew what the Unversed were, it seemed. Though Roxas didn’t think she shared the same obvious fondness for them that Ven had, she definitely thought they were cute. They _were_ kind of cute, Roxas thought. “Okay, I’ll be back soon!”

Though Ven had expressed exasperation that Vanitas had skipped the stairs, he too jumped down from the bridge and jogged towards the cove. All of the Unversed followed him, almost like ducklings trailing after their mother. It wasn’t until the door closed behind him that Roxas realized where he’d seen the symbol on those creatures.

The buckle on Vanitas’s belt was the same design.

Roxas felt his mouth fall open, and Xion let out a snorting giggle.

“You figured it out, then?” Dumbfounded, Roxas turned to face her. Clearly Xion thought it was pretty funny, and if nothing else that made him happy. They were _Vanitas’s_ emotions. That was something he had no idea how to react to. Unsure what to say in response to the question, Roxas simply nodded. “Aren’t they adorable? I don’t know what they all mean, but they show up sometimes. There’s lots of them. Some of them aren’t cute at all, but those ones are. There are ones that sort of look like floating jellyfish, and they show up when he’s lonely according to Ven, but that’s all I really know.”

“ _Lonely?_ ” It was surprising that Vanitas could feel something like that. Maybe what Ven had said about him putting up a front was truer than he’d thought. He wondered what the ones he’d just seen meant. They all seemed like they liked Ven, at complete odds with how Vanitas had acted. What was that supposed to mean?

“Yeah, they were here when I first came here. There were loads of them, hundreds or maybe even thousands. Just… everywhere. They were the only thing around. I didn’t know what was happening at first, either. I actually thought they were Heartless, but they weren’t attacking. But when Ven showed up, Vanitas came out and they both… they acted really strangely, it was something I’d never seen before.”

“How so?”

“When Ven and I arrived here, it was the same way you did. We sort of… fell. We fell from the sky, into the ocean.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the news: until January 1st, I plan on posting a chapter every day. After then, we're moving to a slightly more spaced release schedule. Since the story is already done, it's going to come out at a steady pace. Hope you guys enjoy Roxas and Xion having no context for anything, because there's a lot of that in these first chapters! I took one liberty with canon for the sake of a more interesting story, I hope you can forgive me altering the heart stations. Gotta see out there somehow.

She was falling, the wind whipping at her hair and body. Against that pressure, it was impossible to even open her eyes to see what waited below her. Where was she? Mere moments before, Xion had been floating somewhere she didn’t know. She still didn’t know – where she was, why she still existed.

Unable to do anything but fall from the sky, Xion heard it above the sound of the wind filling her ears. A splash, and then a spray of water misting her skin, and then the cool, welcoming feeling of the ocean around her as she was submerged as well.

It was the ocean, she’d fallen into the sea. She was somewhere so strangely familiar, Xion thought as she opened her eyes beneath that water. The act had been stupid, but there was no sting of salt. Instead, she could see something else, tinted blue by the sea. A body that belonged to someone else, someone who was kicking their way up to the surface in a cloud of bubbles. It reminded Xion of something important – if she was underwater, she needed to swim too or she would drown.

As soon as her head broke the surface, Xion took a deep lungful of air and looked to see who was with her. There were… things, everywhere. Floating like balloons, but slowly bobbing and almost undulating, an air of melancholy around them. Jellyfish, they looked like, a massive swarm of the things. Below them, looking around wildly, was a boy. Though he wasn’t facing her, was making a beeline toward the shore, she recognized that figure. Blonde hair, weighed down with water but still in its familiar style. Shivering, Xion was taking off after him before she knew it. They were in Sora’s heart, and the person with her was turning his head to face her, and he was…

Not Roxas.

He wasn’t Roxas. He looked just like Roxas, though his soaked clothing was different. He wasn’t Roxas. Just meeting his eyes, the lack of recognition in them, told her that whoever this was, he was a stranger and not one of her best friends in the world. But hadn’t Roxas lost his memories of her? Even so, she knew this wasn’t Roxas. That boy only met her eyes for a second, confusion flashing across his face, and then he was looking back to the shore.

It felt like she’d been forgotten entirely. The boy she’d fallen into Sora’s heart with was swimming with all his might to the beach, and she could only tread water and stare and try to figure out what in the world was happening. That swarm of jellyfish was denser on the island itself, what had to be hundreds and hundreds of them clogging up the shore. Though she wasn’t sure why, something in their aimless motion made her feel indescribably sad. The boy that wasn’t Roxas was stumbling as soon as his feet were on the sand in the shallows, and though he hadn’t even managed to set foot on the actual shore he was already lifting his hands to his mouth and shouting in a voice she remembered.

“ _Vanitas!_ Vanitas, where are you? Vanitas I’m here! Vanitas tell me you’re okay! Vanitas, answer me! _Please!_ ” It was strained, desperate, a voice that was on the brink of tears and hysteria as it called a name she didn’t know. Whoever this boy was, he was completely terrified. Just seeing him fighting his way to shore made her chest twist up like it was being squeezed. Xion didn’t know what was happening, couldn’t know what was happening. This was certainly Sora’s heart, but she had no idea who it was she was watching or why he was so scared that his voice was cracking and wavering as he yelled out for someone she didn’t know.

All at once, every single one of the creatures filling the air seemed to explode in a wave of energy. It was heavy, a dark feeling, a dark haze that was lifting up from thousands of points and swirling to the sky as if to form a tornado. That massive, chilling power was touching down, almost being sucked into the tree that stood at the center of the island. Something about it made her feel small, like she was shivering in the dark completely alone. A sickening, scary, sad feeling, washing over her and drowning her. That feeling had a grip on her throat, her body shaking from its force. An emotion. She was feeling someone else’s emotion, so powerfully that it was reaching her. A force that strong had to be Sora, didn’t it? An emotion so overwhelming that it was filling the air only made sense if it was originating from the heart she was now within.

But it wasn’t. For some reason, Xion knew it. This feeling belonged to whoever it was that the boy who wasn’t Roxas was crying for at the top of his lungs.

Just as abruptly as the jellyfish had vanished, the mass of energy disappeared. She couldn’t even sense it anymore, but a strange feeling was now radiating from the tree. The room that she knew existed there, there was something inside it. The source of the energy? Unsure what else to do, Xion started to swim toward the shore as well.

That boy who wasn’t Roxas was still struggling. He was too frantic to get purchase on the beach, almost pitching forward to fall face-first into it. Though he was outright flailing for a moment, before she could do more than register what had almost happened he was upright again. Kicking up a cloud of sand, he was bolting toward the tree. Once he’d almost reached the base, he flickered, faded, vanished. From above came the sound of a strangled cry.

There was a thump, a sob, and a second explosion of energy. It was loud, deafeningly loud, so loud that the island shook in its wake and the force of it pushed her back almost an entire foot in the water. Unlike the first one, what reached her was an amazing feeling. All of the confusion and worry that had been inside of her until that moment seemed to be blasted away by that wave, and Xion shuddered in relief as it hit her. Taking a deep breath, she simply closed her eyes and floated there for a moment. At first it had been joy, excitement, but it had grown calmer almost immediately. A soothing feeling, warm and soft and gentle as it filled her entire being. It was coming from the tree, turning the air heavy and blanketing everything. Xion did nothing but stay like that, soaking in that immense, unbelievable feeling.

Finally, slowly, it faded away and Xion remembered what she’d been doing once more.

With her mind still cloudy, Xion set foot on a familiar shore. The room was too far up to see into, blocked off by the ramps and balcony that led up to it. Creatures were spilling from it, a cloud of them, something different from the jellyfish that had been filling the air before. A soft but vivid pink, shaped like jars or pots, a sea of smiling faces. Whoever the boy was, he’d clearly found the person he’d been so desperate to meet with.

Someone else who was in Sora’s heart. What in the world was happening here? What were those things filling the air, bouncing and bobbing and spinning with abject glee? How many people had come to this place, and why? This was where she belonged, the memories that had been pulled from Sora finally returned to him. But why were there other people here, and…

Where was Roxas?

Nervously, she made her way to dry sand. Hadn’t she been lingering within Roxas, waiting for him to return to Sora? If she had reached the place she was meant to be, why wasn’t Roxas with her?

As she drew close to the tree, Xion could feel that energy still shrouding it. She inhaled again, as if it would help her take that feeling in again. The boy inside wasn’t the one creating it, but it was certainly because of him. Such a warm feeling…

Without any warning, Xion found herself being knocked bodily to the sand. The force of the energy that had just hit her had her head spinning, and before she knew it she was giggling uncontrollably. Her chest felt hot, so hot that she wrapped her shaking arms around herself to hold it in. That heat, she didn’t want to let go of it. Even though it was stupid and she was lying flat on her back on the beach with no idea what was going on, Xion kicked her feet in delight and laughed. She was light, she was filled with a joy that knocked everything else from her mind, there was nothing else in the world more important than that feeling. It felt like it was holding her, squeezing her in a tight embrace that she never wanted to end. Sighing, Xion let herself go limp and closed her eyes.

She didn’t know how long it lasted, before that feeling that was flowing out of the tree in waves finally started to ebb away. Taking in a slow, deep breath, Xion let it back out and looked up to the sky that was filled with those creatures. Sora’s heart, and a feeling that… As she sat up, Xion realized that tears were spilling down her face. Xion wasn’t sure when she’d started crying, but they didn’t feel like sad tears. In fact, she was so happy that there was something pounding and throbbing in her chest.

That emotion, it almost made her feel like it was truly there within her – a heart.

Almost hesitantly, the boy who wasn’t Roxas peeked out from within the tree. His face was flushed, his eyes red-rimmed, tears still staining his cheeks. Sniffing loudly enough that she could hear it down on the beach, he rubbed his nose before locking eyes with her.

Immediately, he reddened more. Xion didn’t dwell on that, because the boy who wasn’t Roxas wasn’t alone. Behind him, their hands clasped tightly together, was…

A boy who wasn’t Sora.

 

“Ven was really frantic. Even though I had no idea what was going on, I could tell that much. This person who looked just like you but wasn’t you… He was desperate to get to shore, and once he could stand he just _immediately_ started calling for Vanitas.”

It hit Roxas abruptly. Ven had… been in his body for a year, and Vanitas had been within Sora. Ven must have been worried – for some inexplicable reason, he really cared about Vanitas. “He really didn’t pay any attention to you?”

“Yeah, he was just shouting. At the top of his lungs, even! Ven… I really think Ven forgot I was even there.” Xion grinned, as if she didn’t know what to think about it but thought it was nice nonetheless. Ven had been so lonely without Vanitas that he’d reacted like that over seeing him again? It seemed like they had even more in common than Roxas thought. Him, and Ven, and Sora… Was it a heart that let all of them cry over being reunited? “I don’t really understand what happened, but I think I was feeling what they were feeling.”

“What about Vanitas, though? You talked to him before just now, or else you wouldn’t have figured out those things came from him.”

“Yeah. Vanitas came out with him, they were holding hands at first. When Vanitas saw me he yanked his hand back, though. I got the feeling he wanted to storm off, that seeing me there really upset him. They just looked at each other for a second after that, I couldn’t figure it out. It felt like they were saying something to each other that I couldn’t understand. Then Vanitas went off by himself, and he seemed like he was really, really angry… But Ven said not to mind it. So I talked to Ven for a while… and then more of those things came and got him, just like that. When he came back it was with Vanitas and the Unversed were gone. After that, I actually talked to him a little. Not a lot. Mostly Ven talked to me.” Xion paused, tapping her finger against her cheek as she thought. Lonely. Vanitas got lonely without Ven. It would have been funny, if it wasn’t so weird. Then again, Roxas wasn’t sure how he’d have felt if he was all alone on this island. Annoyed, he pushed that thought away. If Vanitas was lonely he shouldn’t have left in the first place. But before that, with Ven gone… Somehow, he felt awful about it. Maybe he’d accidentally held Ven hostage, keeping him away from his… what? “I saw Vanitas make them, it’s really… It’s nuts, but it’s also kind of pretty. There’s this cloud of energy, and just surrounds him.”

“And those creatures, the Unversed. They just, what, show up from out of that cloud?” As weird as it was, it was interesting. He knew how Heartless and Nobodies came into existence, at least now. But how was it that Vanitas was able to shape his emotions into living creatures? What did a negative emotion look like? The ones he had just seen had felt like positive ones, though Roxas wasn’t sure why he thought so. The jellyfish were negative, surely. “What does it look like?

“It’s like this swirling smoke, almost. It just sort of… leaks out of him, almost. And the Unversed formed out of that. Ven can’t make them, just Vanitas. They all act differently, so they all come from different kinds of feelings I think. I’ve only known the two of them for a little bit, but I’ve seen so many of them. None of them have ever come near me, but a lot of them like Ven a lot.”

“He seems to like them too, doesn’t he…” Roxas pulled one knee up to his chest, lacing his fingers together to hold on to it. Knowing they were Vanitas’s emotions manifested made the way Ven interacted with them seem much stranger. He’d been affectionate with them, blatantly so. Ven had even… Every other thought dropped out of his mind, replaced entirely by a new train of thought.

Xion was looking at him curiously, clearly seeing that there was a wild series of events unfolding within his mind. “Something wrong?”

“Wasn’t he cuddling them? The pink one.” A year without Vanitas or not, that seemed… odd. Was he misunderstanding what Vanitas was to Ven? They’d practically been yelling at one another.

“Yeah. They seem like they hate each other so much, but then stuff like that happens…” She was grinning a little, pressing the side of one finger to her lips. Ven had said they weren’t friends, but they didn’t seem like family either. Roxas was sure that if Ven considered Vanitas to be like a brother, he would have said so. What kind of relationship did they have? It was beyond him. “Both of them were crying when I first really saw them. It’s kind of funny.”

“So they’re… what?”

“I don’t know. They just… are. I got this feeling that Vanitas went off because he wanted to talk to Ven privately. And Ven went right away when the Unversed showed up, so I think he must have been the same way. They were really happy to have found each other again. Oh! That reminds me, let me show you something. After Ven went off to find Vanitas, I checked out the rest of the island. You see the tree house up there?” Xion hopped down from the tree, pointing towards the larger island that made up the core of Sora’s heart. There was absolutely a tree house there, cut into the massive tree that took up the center of the island. Of course it was there. There was no other place for it to be. That was an echo of Sora’s memories, he thought. Though he hadn’t known it was there, once it was pointed out it felt like it was exactly where it should be. “There’s a lot of things in it, things I think they brought. At least, they don’t seem like they belong here.”

“What do you mean, things?”

“Here, come with me.” Xion held a hand out to him, and Roxas sighed. There was nothing else to do, was there? He’d explore the familiar island, and in the meantime maybe whatever was happening with Ven and Vanitas would end. If not, he’d at least be able to talk to Xion… but, Roxas wasn’t sure what they could even talk about. What had happened, between the time when he had cradled her in his arms and now? What could he even say? How could he tell her?

“Did you have any idea this place was here?” As they made their way down the stairs, clearly the only ones who cared to use them, Roxas felt he might as well ask. The idea that an island existed here, that this was the true form of Sora’s heart, hadn’t even occurred to him. Did this mean that the island that existed in reality was the place Sora held most dear? Or was it just what was most familiar to him?

“No. I didn’t know _what_ was here, or if there was anything. I didn’t know if I’d still exist, after… giving back what was stolen.”

Roxas squeezed her hand, frowning. “You didn’t _steal_ anything.”

“You don’t have to take something on purpose for it to be stolen, you know.” Xion’s voice was both teasing and strained at once. “Those memories belonged to Sora. So because I had them, they were stolen.”

“Yeah, but…”

“It doesn’t really matter, does it? I gave them back, and I’m here now. And I remember being me. Sometimes there’s these… ripples, that reach me. Sora’s memories.” Humming, Xion swung his hand a little as they walked. Roxas shut his mouth again, not knowing what to say in response. He wished Axel was there, with a joke to lighten the mood. That was never something he was much good at. But Axel was… “But I don’t think that’s because I took them. I think that, here in Sora’s heart… this is where those memories live, where they’re supposed to be. Sometimes I catch a ghost of them, maybe. I’m sure it’s the same for Ven and Vanitas.”

“I wish I knew what was going on,” Roxas sighed, and Xion grinned at him. There was a ladder at the end of the ramp that led up the tree. It connected that platform to the balcony of the room that had been carved into the trunk, and like when he’d looked at the tree itself, Roxas got the sense that everything was in order. Somehow, he had a feeling like there was a list in the back of his mind, and everything was being checked off as expected. He’d only been to parts of this island, collected shells from the seashore for Xion when he had time after completing missions on the real world. He’d never explored it much, but nevertheless it felt familiar and right.

“Right? It’s pretty confusing.” Xion let go of his hand to start up the ladder, and when she was nearly at the top he took hold of it himself. Once he’d stepped onto the second platform was when things started to diverge from his expectations. Frowning, Roxas peered into the room and found things… off.

He’d thought it would have been mostly empty, but it was instead packed full. A shelving unit, pressed against one wall. There was a chest there next to it, without a lock on it. That was good, because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to open if it was locked. If he had his Keyblade… but it was Sora’s, wasn’t it? He didn’t know if anyone could summon a Keyblade here at all, so he simply set his attention back to the room. The chest didn’t belong to him anyway, so rooting through it would have been wrong.

Where he’d thought a plain white cloth would have been hanging, there was instead…

“That’s… armor?” It was an incomplete set, missing plates from the chest and stomach, boots, and the left shoulder. Roxas looked at it for a moment, knowing who it belonged to, but not understanding why. He knew where the missing pieces were, because their owner had walked off mere minutes before. But why did it exist? “That’s Ven’s. Ven had armor?”

“Didn’t you notice him wearing bits of it?” Xion seemed a little surprised, and Roxas couldn’t blame her. He had noticed it, of course, but for whatever reason seeing them hadn’t initially registered in his mind. “The part on his shoulder, I thought that was pretty hard to miss.”

“No, I saw it, I just… I guess, I was sort of reeling. I’m still sort of reeling, give me a break. I saw it, I guess I just didn’t think, “Wait, why is he wearing armor?”” Roxas scratched his head, trying not to sigh at himself. When would things settle down enough that he wasn’t sent spinning every five minutes? “But, really! Why is he wearing armor?”

“I don’t know. And he only wears parts of it, the rest is in this room. He never mentioned it, though I guess I didn’t ask, but it’s just… here. It’s definitely his, too! At first I thought, because Vanitas has…” Xion tapped at her jaw, and Roxas immediately recalled the fact that Vanitas had what looked to be a piece of a helmet himself. It clearly wasn’t part of the set laid out carefully on the floor. The helmet there was completely intact. They were both wearing pieces of two different sets of armor? Maybe everything in this room belonged to Ven, and there was another somewhere else – the hollow in the cove, maybe – that belonged to Vanitas, where another set of armor rested. “But it’s different. And, in this chest, there’s something else definitely. But I didn’t try to open it, it seemed wrong. It doesn’t belong to me.”

“You think it’s more armor?” Roxas crouched down to examine the armor, tapping it gently. Somehow, he got the immediate feeling that what he was touching was unspeakably important. Armor that belonged to Ven, for some reason. It was definitely Ven’s, and Ven’s alone. Though they had apparently once been one, Vanitas looked different from Ven with a completely different build. The armor laid out before him would never have fit him.

Roxas thought it probably would fit _him_ , and banished that thought.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t seem big enough to have a whole set of armor, does it?” Now that his entire mind wasn’t occupied by the armor, Roxas actually took a moment to look around the familiar, unfamiliar room. The armor took up a significant amount of space, but the chest and shelves didn’t. Instead, what took up most of the area was a bed, which had him frowning. Did they need to sleep here? Or was it just a matter of recreating the comforts of home? It _had_ been created, carved out of wood and laced together with rope and nails, but the mattress, blankets, and pillows didn’t seem like something cobbled together. A single bed, which reinforced his thought that Vanitas had to have another place. But…

Laid out on the bed was a collection of seashells stitched together in a familiar shape, and his heart – was it his heart? Did he have a heart? – felt as if it would be ripped in two.

Xion put one hand on his arm, and the sad smile on her face told him she had brought him here for this.

“They’re Wayfinders,” she said, and the word meant nothing to Roxas. Though he recognized them, recognized the shape they were arranged in, he wasn’t sure why. “I was really, really shocked when I saw them.”

“She made one,” Roxas said finally, and Xion nodded. Both of them could remember her, the echoes of Kairi. He no longer had Sora’s memories of her, and neither did Xion. But they did remember something stranger, something more complex – a memory of a memory, of recalling it. He’d spoken to her once as well, though at the time he hadn’t known who she really was. “Those two, they’re not from here are they?”

“No. At least, Ven doesn’t think so. He actually seems pretty positive about that, even though he doesn’t remember a lot about his past. He’s never met Sora face to face, and he’s not from the same world. Vanitas doesn’t talk about it, but I think they’ve only been here once or twice. The real island, I mean.” Xion picked up one of the Wayfinders carefully, running her thumb along the shells. Five shells each, arranged in a star. There had to have been close to forty of them there, so many that there couldn’t have been much space to actually sleep in the bed. It wasn’t as if anyone would crawl under the covers, not with all of those shells there. Roxas wondered how long Ven and Vanitas had been making them. Was there a finite amount of shells to be found on that beach? Would they ever run out? How substantial was it, the place they existed in? It had been modified by those two, but were there limitations? “I think something bad happened here. Ven touched it earlier, but… the paopu tree, I mean. Even though it’s such a good seat, neither of them sat on that tree. Vanitas didn’t go near it, we had to leave to talk to him. He never even set foot on the bridge.”

“Something bad… But this can’t be where they fought, can it? I mean, the real island.”

“No, that was somewhere else. Say, Roxas. When you… fought with Sora, in that other part of him. Where was that? What did it look like?”

“It was like… a platform. Almost like the island out there, the one with the tree. But, instead of sand, the floor was-”

“Stained glass.”

“Right,” Roxas said slowly, before blinking. “How do you know that? You were there?”

“No. I never went there, I came straight to this island. But that platform, with the stained glass… I have one, and I think you do too.”

“I had a dream, a long time ago. No, it wasn’t. It was… a little over a week ago, wasn’t it… It’s funny, I guess I just had so much happen all at once that it all seems like it was so much longer ago than it was.” Roxas paused, turning away from Xion and walking out to lean his hands against the railing. Xion had come directly to this place, Ven had come directly to this place, and he had lingered. Why? Because he had been reluctant, unwilling to fully sacrifice his being. There had been things he wanted to keep. He still wanted to exist, but… Roxas thought he was okay with it, with giving himself to Sora. “A platform like that, with stained glass. I stood on it, and I fought… something. It was a Nobody, I think. But maybe it was just me, in my own head. But then, when I… went back, to where I belonged… there was another one, a platform. And I stayed there for a while, I think. It couldn’t have been that long.”

“I think I saw it, when you were there. Sora was… troubled.”

“You can see what’s happening to him? Or, maybe feel it?”

“No, that’s not it. I didn’t know _what_ was happening. Ven and Vanitas, they sort of knew. Vanitas acted like it was funny, but Ven told me a little while later that he was actually really worried and pretending. An Unversed showed up, it was like a little blue person. Then more of those, and with them these floating blue pots. I didn’t see their faces.” Xion joined him there on that balcony-like platform, though she didn’t lean against the railing the way he did. She pointed down to the beach, as if to say that was where they had all been. How had they known something was wrong? “They all have faces, that’s the most I’ve got when it comes to figuring out what they are. But it didn’t seem like Vanitas made them on purpose. They just appeared. That time… it wasn’t really pretty at all, when they showed up. Once he realized they was there he absorbed them again, but Ven seemed upset at him…”

“But, if you couldn’t see it or feel it, how did you know something was happening to Sora?” Xion let out a little humming noise as she thought, but it didn’t take her very long to reply.

“The sea changes. The weather, too. When I first came here, the air was… really heavy. It was thick, almost like soup. It was oppressive! All of the plants looked so sad, they were wilting and they had lost their color. Even though it was supposed to be Sora’s heart, even thought it _was_ Sora’s heart, it just felt… awful. Miserable. A little while later, or, earlier today, the ocean started getting… sort of choppy. It’s really gentle now, but before the waves were pretty big. And then they started looking dangerous, and it looked like it would rain. The wind was howling and the sky was dark, Ven brought me to the shack and they closed the door. I think… that was probably when you fought.”

“Rain, huh…” It didn’t surprise him. Roxas wasn’t sure why. “It was raining when I took him inside, so I guess that makes sense.”

“It did rain later,” Xion said quietly. “But it wasn’t a storm. It felt like… things had been just awful, and suddenly they weren’t. This heaviness that was turning the air so miserable, that needed to fall, was finally… Sora’s been upset for a long time, I think.”

“Xion, do you know what happened?” Where he had been, that platform, he’d seen nothing change. It had just been a single place, surrounded by a sea of blackness. One single platform of light, an image of Sora’s slumber and the people he held dear. But there, he had been able to see it when he looked to the sky. The outside, Sora’s world. Here, there was only a quiet island. Out there, through Sora’s eyes that had blurred…

“Ven said… he thought Sora was crying. We didn’t know why.”

“He was.”

“Roxas, what _happened_ to him?”

Roxas looked up to the sky, and found it completely clear of clouds. Everything had happened to Sora, he thought. All of the fear and uncertainty and anger that had been boiling inside of him, filling the air with awful feelings, all of it had… come pouring down from the sky, soaking both arid land and shallow sea and making everything right again.

_“I looked everywhere for you!”_

“He found the person he was searching for. Someone who he wasn’t sure was safe, Sora found him. And he cried.” Roxas felt it welling up inside of him now as well, the immense and overwhelming thing he had felt when that dam had burst. Relief, such overpowering relief that Sora hadn’t been able to stand any longer. All of the emotions that had been packed down had suddenly been free to spill down his cheeks, and to fall as rain in his heart. “You know, I’m glad… I didn’t realize it, not until I felt what he felt in that moment. I’ve been angry too for such a long time, I forgot… I forgot what it felt like, to be so happy. To find someone who was precious to you, someone you were looking for, someone you were worried to _death_ about. I guess I got a sneak preview for today, so I’ll have to thank Sora and Riku for that.”

“Riku.” Xion knew him, and Roxas thought he knew why. He was still angry with Riku, even though he knew who he was now. But having felt what Sora had felt in that moment, Roxas also knew he could never hate him. All of the things that had been filling Sora’s heart with agony, had Riku been feeling them too? It was like being squeezed so hard that he couldn’t breathe. Riku had hurt them both he thought, but Xion was here and he was here, and knowing what he now knew…

Roxas thought that Riku was probably sorry for what he had done, when he was being trapped by that feeling. His face, his voice, everything action he'd taken…

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me too.” Roxas paused, unsure how to say it. Sora, Riku, Kairi. And, alongside Kairi, there was… “When I was out there, after you left. I met someone. She looked… a lot like you, and a lot like Kairi. I think, maybe, she was Kairi’s Nobody. Her name was Naminé. She was really…”

“Naminé. You met her?” Those words surprised him. Xion said the name as if it was familiar. Not particularly surprised, perhaps a little wistful. A little sad. What did that mean?

“You know her?”

“She… no, never mind. She was really…?”

“… Beautiful. I didn’t know her for very long, but it _felt_ like I’d known her forever. That’s why I think she was like me. I think we might have been… I think we might have been born together, but I don’t know why.” Roxas really had thought it. When had he been born, and how? Where had Sora been, when his heart had been consumed? Why had he had such a strong feeling, a feeling that said, “I have known you”? “I had this feeling, deep inside my chest… I guess it’s kind of unfair, or kind of selfish. I want to see her again. She said… she said we’d meet again. I think she was right.”

“… I hope she was.”

Neither of them spoke for a long time, just looking out to the waves as they washed upon the shore again and again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting two chapters today, since the first one (this one) is very short! This is my announcement that the story is not entirely chronological - this is the first of the "flashback" chapters set from Ven's POV! The two narratives will trade off, but I don't feel it'll be confusing to follow. So this is the first of two chapters for today!

He woke on his back, opening his eyes to a clear blue sky. Squinting, Ventus held a hand up to shield his eyes from that blinding sun. Where was he? The sound of the waves was all he could hear. It was a beach that he’d been sleeping on, though Ven didn’t know why.

For some reason, it felt familiar.

Ven sat, finding a sparkling sea that stretched out before him. There was a wide line in the sand that lead to the ocean, ending at the place where he was sitting. Had he crawled from the water and collapsed without remembering it? That didn’t quite seem right. He was… where? The raised platform that he glimpsed when Ven looked to his left gave him an unpleasant feeling. It was Destiny Islands, the place that he’d exchanged heated words with…

When he glanced to his right, glaring at him in fury was the last face he’d wanted to see.

Ventus scrambled to his feet, backing up and moving to summon his Keyblade.

Nothing happened.

“Nice try, Ventus,” Vanitas ground out, his expression a far cry from the last one he’d seen on the other boy’s face. That had been ugly, pathetic. This was ugly for a different reason. He’d defeated Vanitas, destroyed him, or so he’d thought. Vanitas was there before him, almost livid but clearly alive. And they were… “No Keyblades inside of someone else’s heart. If there were, you’d be dead. You’ve been defenseless for days.”

Unsurprisingly, Vanitas was a sore loser.

“Why are _you_ here?”

Vanitas stood, his fingers curling into fists as he stared down at Ven from on the dock. Was it possible that this was going to be the rest of his life? Was he now trapped in a child’s heart with a psychopath? He’d slept for days, apparently.

“You dragged me here, you _idiot_. What did you do?”

“I… don’t have to answer that.” He really didn’t, not only because he wasn’t really sure how he’d done what he’d done. Ventus had thought he’d simply sleep for a while, perhaps forever. That clearly wasn’t the case. He was wide awake.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know. This is his heart, isn’t it? Whoever it was that dragged you back from the brink when you turned out to be too weak to survive.” This person standing before him was someone Ven didn’t recognize at all. The cool, collected, detached Vanitas he’d fought wasn’t there. The confident but deranged Vanitas that he’d defeated wasn’t there. This Vanitas was staring him down with cold fury. “ _This is whose face I’m wearing right now._ ”

Ven opened his mouth to speak, but had no words.

That boy whose heart had touched his, whose hands had reached out to him… hadn’t he looked, just a bit, like Vanitas?

Ventus took a few more steps back, and Vanitas jumped down from the dock to stalk towards him. They had no weapons. Would Vanitas simply pummel him with his fists? That couldn’t be possible. If that was an option, either Vanitas couldn’t just beat him to death or hadn’t done it for some reason. The latter seemed impossible to Ven, especially given the look on Vanitas’s face.

He wouldn’t run. He’d won. He could face Vanitas head-on, and he could win again. If this would be forever, the only thing he could do was keep fighting and keep winning. Vanitas couldn’t hope to defeat him, not now. Ven knew that Vanitas was about to try.

The fist that slammed into his face knocked him back, but Vanitas was already snatching the front of his shirt to hit him again. The only thing Ventus could do was let out a startled laugh, and Vanitas’s clenched jaw told him that he’d already expected what would happen. Still, he was swinging again, and this time Ven managed to get a hand up to block his punch.

Like the first blow, it didn’t hurt a bit.

“You can’t kill me here at all,” Ven laughed, knowing it was a messed-up thing to be so delighted by. “Even if you had a Keybla-”

Vanitas’s fist smashed into his mouth, cutting off his words. Before he could react or retaliate Vanitas was throwing him bodily to the stand and straddling him, taking two fistfuls of his shirt now and smashing him against the ground. “ _You did this to me!_ ”

“What, you can dish it out but you can’t take it?” He really was a sore loser. Maybe Vanitas had never truly lost a fight before, was furious at having been defeated. The other boy was shaking with rage, his past composure completely lost. If Vanitas could have strangled him to death, Ventus was sure he would have done it. He got the feeling Vanitas had already tried, had wrapped his hands around his throat as he’d slept on the shore. “I thought you were stronger than that!”

“You,” Vanitas started, spitting out the word, “Took everything from me.”

That gave him pause, and Ven knew his confusion could be read on his face when Vanitas let go of him and let his back simply hit the beach once more. He didn’t know what Vanitas meant and Vanitas knew it. Vanitas’s laugh was hollow, disbelieving. Just like the expression on his face, it was twisted and disgusting.

“You don’t get it?” As if punishing him for the crime of not knowing what was going on, Vanitas hit him again. His realization had only made him angrier. Vanitas really was livid now, his eyes wide and his pupils dilating. Even though Ven now understood that Vanitas couldn’t harm him here, the sight of him was alarming. “Are you messing with me or are you honestly that stupid? No, you’re too much of an idiot to lie. After all this, you can’t figure it out?”

“Of course I can’t! I don’t know what you care about, you’re awful and you make no sense and you’re evil!”

“I came from you,” Vanitas snarled, grabbing him by the throat and pinning him to the sand. For the first time, Ventus found himself scrabbling against the beach. Whether or not Vanitas could kill him, his body – if it was a body – was reacting in fear in the face of murderous intent. “I was born to forge the χ-blade! I was owed this, it was my _purpose!_ ”

The memory of Vanitas rose unbidden to his mind, sending a stinging, ringing pain through him. Unthinkingly, Ven brought a hand to his face as if to ward off that feeling. Vanitas couldn’t hurt him with his body, but it seemed pain still existed in this place. The memory of his heart being rent in two was filling his head, and Vanitas’s hand loosened its grip. His eyes had narrowed now, his vicious glare replacing the wild stare he’d been directing at Ventus before. That was the truth. Vanitas had even said it, on this same beach. No, not the same. Where they were was a heart. On the real Destiny Islands, Vanitas had told him what he was for – what they were both for.

At least, what Vanitas thought they were for.

Vanitas, cool and collected, was no longer here. It had never occurred to Ventus until that moment that his intended role was something Vanitas had _cared_ about. He’d wanted to forge the χ-blade, Ven had known that. But had Vanitas truly… had an emotional investment? Found it important? He’d been so disgustingly gleeful about it, and Ven had never taken a moment to consider why.

It wasn’t like he’d been _given_ a moment to consider why.

“Oh, grow up!”

Vanitas, dripping with rage, punched him in the face again. This time, Ventus took the opportunity to act. He sat quickly, shoving Vanitas back with both hands. Vanitas didn’t simply take it, kicked him even as he was thrown onto his back. Ven raised a fist, knowing it would do nothing but wanting to strike in fury. It wasn’t him that was stupid, immature. It was Vanitas and had been all along. “The master told me, it was mine! You, your stupid fragile heart, it was supposed to be mine! I’d wield the χ-blade, it belonged to me!”

Ven couldn’t believe it, and it only made him swing his fist at Vanitas harder. He’d done all of the cruel, evil things he’d done out of a childish sense of entitlement. All of the suffering Vanitas had put him through was for that? Vanitas was grabbing him again, rolling to pin him on his back. That wasn’t something he’d allow. The next time he forced Vanitas down, the other boy melted into blackness.

“What, you’re a _coward_ too?”

Vanitas kicked him hard, having emerged from behind him. It sent Ventus flying across the beach, sending up a billowing cloud of sand. The person attacking him was nothing more than a petulant child lashing out. Ven got to his feet, clenching his fists. Vanitas’s mouth was open in a grimace, his chin trembling. He was so angry that he simply couldn’t speak.

Then, with no warning, the deafening sound of thunder was booming in his ears. What came immediately after it was a shockwave strong enough to knock him back down, but that was something Ven barely noticed. The only thing consuming his mind was rage. He’d beat Vanitas down, destroy him for good, make him suffer and beg for…

A strangled cry was emerging from Vanitas’s lips, and without doing anything more he simply crumpled to the beach.

Ven clutched at his face as that white-hot fury faded, desperately trying to figure out what had just happened. It had been Vanitas, what he’d been feeling, that evil, cruel anger had come from Vanitas. For just a moment he’d wanted to kill Vanitas, because Vanitas wanted to kill him so badly that it had completely taken over his mind.

Feeling the energy draining out of him, Ven stumbled to his feet. He needed to get away from Vanitas. Vanitas was dangerous. Somehow, Vanitas had flooded him with his feelings. It filled him with growing terror, cold sweat starting to break out on his skin. What Vanitas had felt, had forced into him, was a rage almost unlike anything he’d ever felt in his life. The only thing that compared was the fury that had filled him at the sight of Vanitas with his Keyblade raised above Aqua. But what he’d just felt had been cruel. Vanitas had made him want to be cruel.

He couldn’t let Vanitas do that to him again. Panting, he looked around wildly. The first thing his eyes landed on was a shack. There was a shack on the beach, and Ven staggered toward it. He slammed the door behind him, leaning against it heavily and sliding to the ground. Vanitas couldn’t kill him, but he could do something that was perhaps worse. He could make Ventus like him.

If this was going to be the rest of his life, how long could that life possibly be?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it is time for the second chapter of today. More of a particularly nasty boy, for your reading pleasure (?). Thanks to everyone who's already commented! Ven's narration will be using the proper names for the Unversed.

Ven didn’t know how long he slept. It was dark in the shack, a place with no windows. Outside it, somewhere, was Vanitas. That knowledge made him reluctant to even peek out, but the truth of the matter was that no matter how much it soothed him to be behind a door it was only a matter of time before he had to face the other boy again.

Hesitantly, Ven opened the door only a crack. From the light that filtered in he knew it was dawn, but whether that meant he’d slept all day and night or even longer than that Ventus couldn’t tell. It wasn’t as if he could or would simply ask Vanitas.

In this heart that was supposed to be his resting place, it was only himself and his mortal enemy.

When he peered out to the beach, he saw no one. Through such a small gap, he couldn’t hope to see the full expanse of it. If Vanitas was still exactly where he’d fallen, Ventus couldn’t tell.

Had he legitimately experienced such strong, murderous hatred that he’d simply dropped from its force? Or had it been whatever Vanitas had done to blast Ven himself with it? Those were two vital questions, but the only thing Ven thought he understood was that Vanitas hadn’t meant to share that feeling.

Getting to his feet, Ven opened the door fully and unwillingly emerged from the shack. When he did so, it only confirmed what he’d suspected would be the case. Curled up in a ball on the beach, dripping with black, tar-like energy, was Vanitas, asleep. No, perhaps it was more accurate to say unconscious. Sleep would have been more peaceful, wouldn’t it?

That wasn’t something Ven really cared about, though. If Vanitas never found peace, that would be fine. After everything he’d done, Ven didn’t think Vanitas deserved to sleep peacefully. The tide had begun to rise, washing over Vanitas’s feet. For a moment, Ven considered stomping out and simply pushing him into the ocean to be carried away.

Sighing, Ven instead surveyed the rest of the beach. It was as he remembered it from that brief moment he’d been there. Beyond the bridge to his left would be some kind of door, perhaps to another shack. He hadn’t spent much time exploring the place, after all. All he could really do was try to get a handle on his surroundings. They were in a heart, but why did it look the way it did? Were his memories shaping it?

If that were the case, Ventus thought the place he would have been standing in would certainly have been his own home. He wanted to be home, but it seemed he wouldn’t be given that reprieve. Vanitas’s memories, or, more likely… the boy’s memories. This was the world he lived in, recreated in his heart. Ven raised a hand above his eyes, squinting out to the ocean. There was nothing beyond it, at least not that he could see. Perhaps, a heart had limitations. Or maybe this place was all the boy really cared about.

With no answers, Ven instead wandered past the bridge. The door he’d opened an entrance to the lanes in front of was there, as expected. Now, having the time, Ventus opened that door instead. What he found was that it was nothing but a doorway, leading directly to another part of the island. He didn’t know what to think about that, whether or not to be disappointed.

The island was tiny, and if he’d been all alone Ven thought that it would have been maddening. He didn’t think the reality was much better. This was something that could be forever. And the only person he had forever with was disgusting. Ven didn’t know what was worse. Being all alone would have been painful, but sharing an undefined amount of time with only Vanitas was foul just to think of.

The idea of being alone forever…

Ventus closed the door behind him, and looked out at what seemed to be a cove. There was a line of platforms made of wood, a tall tower with a zip-line. All of it had been there when he had been there, but Ven had never had a clue. It had been less than five minutes, probably. With a critical eye, Ven considered the platforms again. They seemed stable enough to be walked on, but only barely. If he broke them, would that do something to the boy? Instead of risking it, Ven hopped down into the shallows beneath the ledge the door sat upon. The water only reached his ankles, even though more was spilling from an opening in the solid wall of rock to his left. Where was it coming from? Some underground spring, or just collected rainwater?

Some parts of the island seemed to have been constructed, so perhaps there was some sort of structure within that rock. Ven didn’t know. All of it was an unknown, a place he had and hadn’t visited in the past. With that thought in his mind, Ven trudged through the water. From it, there were steps that led up to the ledge the tower stood upon. That was probably the best place to get a real look at everything, Ven thought. High up on the rock that seemed to form the core of the island was another hole, this one dry. It seemed to be some kind of tunnel or cave, but he was too far below it to really tell. Instead, Ventus climbed the ladder to the tower and tried not to think about what was happening.

Terra and Aqua had been fighting, but where were they now? How much time had passed since he’d come to this place? Had they won without him there? Had they…

He couldn’t allow that idea to even cross his mind.

Peering over the railing of the tower, Ven noted that the sand before him was peppered with coconut trees. It seemed like some kind of grove, with little rocky outcroppings covered in leaves and moss that lined the wall almost like stepping stones or stairs. The hole on his left, carved into the rock, was certainly a tunnel. That probably led right to the other side of the island, a shortcut.

This wasn’t a place someone lived in, Ventus decided finally. There was no way. It had no structures even resembling a home, at least not on this half of the island. There was that shack, but it was bare. Reluctantly, Ven descended the ladder again. The amount of places he could hide from Vanitas were… sparse. Hopefully, there was something else on the other side. Some kind of door he could lock, but then he’d simply be trapping himself.

When he opened the door to return to the beach, unpleasantness washed over him. Ventus gritted his teeth. He was in this place because he hadn’t been able to prevent Vanitas from claiming his body. He hadn’t been strong enough. As he rounded the corner, it was clear that Vanitas was awake now. It was clear, because he was curled up on himself tighter, clutching at his head. Even several feet away, Ven could hear his ragged breathing – over the sound of electricity crackling. Circling above Vanitas was a swarm of Yellow Mustard, and as soon as Ventus registered that fact one of them was charging up an attack.

Though he threw a hand up to shield himself automatically, the person that Unversed struck was Vanitas. He jerked as a bolt of lightning ran through his body, letting out a strangled groan. Ven took a step back, wild panic starting to pound through his veins. The Unversed weren’t under Vanitas’s control. How was that possible?

“Stop,” Vanitas croaked, and Ven knew the other boy had no idea he was there. What he was speaking to was his wayward creation that had attacked him. Vanitas was shaking, seizing even, as choked words spilled from him. “You’re not, you’re _mine_ , you can’t do this again. _I_ control _you!_ ”

Swallowing hard, Ven found himself drawing closer despite himself. It was dangerous to go near Vanitas. He didn’t have a clue what was happening, if the Unversed could hurt him. He knew only one thing – they were hurting Vanitas.

Electricity was raining down on his prone body, and the expression that Vanitas finally turned to him was ugly in a completely different way from his uncontrolled rage. This was… pathetic, tears and snot smeared across his face, his lips drawn back in a pained snarl, his eyes wide and bloodshot. Vanitas was his enemy. The fact that he was suffering was fine, Ventus told himself. This was what Vanitas deserved, a karmic punishment for the harm he’d wrought.

His hand exploded into pins and needles, static making his fingers seize up. Ven didn’t realize he had leapt forward until his fist had painfully collided with the nearest Unversed, sending it flying across the beach. Hitting that Unversed had _hurt_ , had physically hurt him. He shook his hand out, staring wildly at the remaining Unversed. There were too many, at least a dozen of them. With no Keyblade, what could Ven do but try to beat them down with his fists? He was too weak to defeat them, even as anger coursed through his veins. He was too weak, he was as pathetic as Vanitas looked, he was-

A shield slammed into one of the Unversed before him, breaking it to pieces and sending its energy pouring back into Vanitas. Even as it happened, Vanitas was letting out an agonized gurgle. His hands were yanking at his hair as if trying to tear it from his head, his entire body shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. Vanitas knew he was there now, perhaps even knew what he had just done. Ventus didn’t know why he had done it. Why did he care enough to try to swat away the Unversed? It would have been easier to just let them do whatever they would to Vanitas and beat them down only if they came for him.

That undignified, pitiful expression on Vanitas’s face was the answer. “Again,” Vanitas had said. The negativity that had been born from his heart being torn in two, had it ever been truly under Vanitas’s control? It had followed him from the start, but what _was_ it truly?

Ven caught the Buckle Bruiser’s shield before it could return to it, shoving his arm through the strap there and jumping to crush a Yellow Mustard beneath his weight. As soon as it smashed Vanitas was grunting again, kicking his feet as if trying to push himself away. Another bolt of electricity struck him, and his outcry was one of fury. The Unversed, too, knew he was there now. Several of them had turned to look at him, their unchanging expressions enraged. Just meeting their gazes had anger throbbing in his own being. Was he really so weak that he couldn’t destroy them? Ventus rammed another Unversed out of the way, not watching as it tumbled through the air. He didn’t know how to use a shield as a weapon. All Ven could do was use it as a battering ram, and so that was what he’d do. Vanitas’s Unversed were turning on him, and they were turning on each other.

“Leave me alone,” Vanitas snarled, more Unversed swirling out and taking shape from his trembling body. Ven didn’t know if he could. It was better if he did, wasn’t it? If he just walked away and let Vanitas deal with it. That was what…

“Who cares what _you_ want!”

The idea of being all alone was too frightening to bear.

Gritting his teeth, Ventus kicked out as hard as he could and sent one of the Hareraisers shivering around Vanitas sailing. He didn’t know if it was going to try and hurt either of them, but he didn’t care. It existed, it had a shape, and so it was an enemy. Vanitas was rolling onto his hands, retching disgustingly, a sound that seemed to ring in his ears.

Ven couldn’t think about it long, because he was being struck by lightning.

It knocked him back but didn’t drop him, making all of his muscles seize up in agony. He was finally being targeted now, though it was Vanitas that the Unversed truly wanted to attack. The Buckle Bruiser whose shield he’d taken was hurling its other one at the swarm of Yellow Mustard, showing no interest in turning on its creator. Whether or not that meant the Hareraisers would attack or not, Ventus didn’t know. He simply pulled the shield off his arm, took hold of it, and swung it with all his might at the Unversed charging a bolt of electricity to fire at him. What Vanitas wanted him to do wasn’t important. Vanitas didn’t get to dictate his actions, and he’d do as he pleased in the face of what was happening.

Too weak? That didn’t matter in the slightest. Whatever shortcomings he’d had in the past weren’t important. Ven didn’t care about them at all.

The only thing that mattered was beating them down, until not one rogue emotion remained.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the "modern" plot we go. It's already happened in the first chapter, but I never really stated it: this story features Unversed of my own design, so if you're not recognizing something it's because I made it up. Some of them will align with canonical Unversed, some are entirely new. If you've read my other KH fic, the "meaning" of the Unversed in this story will sometimes be the same as in that one, but some I changed as I came up with better ideas for a source emotion.
> 
> Elements about Vanitas from the novels are going to become more prominent from here on out, if people would like I'd be more than willing to state (via notes) which new elements are from the novels and which are my own. Since the novels were never officially translated, I'm sure there are people who didn't even know they existed. They're also dubiously canon though not incompatible with game canon, which is something to keep in mind! Just let me know in the comments if you'd like a breakdown, I'll do my best.

Soon enough Ven was back, dashing across the beach and looking around, clearly trying to figure out where they’d gone. Vanitas was trailing after him, looking less sullen than he’d been before. Roxas took that in for a moment. This was a very different Vanitas. He seemed… tame, almost content, like something that had been weighing on him was gone. Maybe he was relieved too. Roxas wondered what had happened to the Unversed.

“Ven, up here!” Xion waved to them, leaning so far over the railing that Roxas felt like he might have to lunge and catch her when she inevitably toppled over. But she didn’t, and Ven waved back with a grin.

When Vanitas looked up to them, a strange expression flickered across his face. It was… unpleasant. He’d been calm, subdued even, but now something was gleaming in his yellow eyes. Roxas felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. In those eyes was the promise of violence, the look of an animal about to attack. He had no Keyblade. He had nothing. Vanitas could destroy him, Roxas knew suddenly. Looking at him was like staring down into an endless abyss, a black hole that would swallow him up. If Vanitas struck, came near him, he wouldn’t be able to escape its pull.

A terrifying energy was pouring off of Vanitas, a dark haze. Ven turned away from them, and though Roxas couldn’t hear what the boy said it clearly slapped the anger out of Vanitas and replaced it with something like shame.

Almost like a child, Vanitas curled in on himself. Something was still leaking from him, coalescing and dissolving. Would Vanitas create Unversed? Nothing emerged from that cloud. It occurred to Roxas in that moment, seeing how they acted together. Was Vanitas an incomplete being? Did he act the way he did because he wasn’t whole? But Ven should have been the same way, and he seemed completely fine.

Then again, Ven had said something.

Sora had helped him, when Ven and Vanitas had been split apart.

Maybe Sora was the reason why Ven was so different, whole. Maybe Vanitas was still missing something. Or maybe that was him looking for an explanation for how someone like Vanitas could exist, could be so… inconsistent.

Vanitas held his hand out to Ven, looking somehow fragile. The gesture seemed familiar, but the expression on Vanitas’s face wasn’t. It was… bad. It made Roxas feel bad. There were so many emotions that he simply didn’t understand. He couldn’t put his finger on it, what that face meant. Why was Vanitas reaching out? What did he want, and why was his expression so… uncertain? Nervous? Lost? It made him feel as if Vanitas was asking for something, though Roxas didn’t know what. But Ven was taking the offered hand, and Vanitas didn’t resist or say anything as Ven started to pull him along. Roxas got the feeling that the all-encompassing anger coalescing inside Vanitas had been blown away by a gentle wind. Had that simple act of taking his hand told Vanitas something?

“You found our room, I guess,” Ven said almost sheepishly, standing at the edge of the ramp without starting up it. It answered Roxas’s vague question of whether or not Vanitas had a room to himself – this belonged to both of them, it seemed. That made it feel even more cramped, though. Two people lived in it? “We have a few little storage places too, I’ll show you guys later. Can you come down?”

“Yeah, hold on!” Xion hopped down the last two rungs of the ladder, looking back up at Roxas as he started to follow. She grinned at him, and he couldn’t help but grin back. If Axel could come here, he thought it might be perfect. But maybe that was too much to hope for. Maybe it was impossible. Axel…

Once they’d made their way back down, Vanitas seemed significantly less tense. It almost seemed like there was something about that room that the boy didn’t want them to see. Was there some secret to the armor, or was it the chest?

“You saw the armor, then?” Ven scratched his head with the hand that wasn’t holding on to Vanitas’s. Roxas nodded immediately, all of the questions he’d had about it spilling back into the forefront of his mind. He didn’t really want to look away from Vanitas, not after seeing the livid expression that had been on his face. It had really seemed as if Vanitas had wanted to attack him. Without a Keyblade to defend himself, Roxas would have been helpless. He was glad that Ven had done what he’d done, though he wasn’t sure what it had been.

“It’s yours?” It was a stupid question. Vanitas gave him a blank stare that somehow managed to convey his disdain anyway. Ven nodded, completely ignoring his counterpart’s reaction and tugging at his hand gently. Roxas didn’t know what that was about.

“Yeah, I can…” Ven tugged at their joined hands again, and this time extracted his fingers from Vanitas’s. With a quick grin, he held his newly freed hand up to the armor on his shoulder. There was something that almost looked like a gem there, now that Roxas was looking at it more closely. It seemed like Ven was going to touch it, but then he paused. “I haven’t done this in a while, I hope it still works.”

“What are yo-” Before Roxas could finish the question, Ven had slapped the palm of his hand against the gem and was shrouded in blinding light. In the corner of his eye before his vision went white, Roxas saw Vanitas hold a hand up to shield his face. He’d known what was coming, of course.

When that burst of light faded, all of the armor that had been lying on the floor of that room had formed around Ven’s body. He held his hands out with his palms toward himself, looking down at them and shifting on his feet.

“Kinda cool, right?” Ven’s voice didn’t sound much different coming out of the armor, though there was a sort of echoing quality to it now. Roxas didn’t know if he could take just the helmet off or not, if the way he equipped it was magical in nature.

“Still looks as stupid as ever,” Vanitas said, talking a few steps away so that he could lean against a tree. It seemed like it was in Vanitas’s nature to lean against things, rather than sitting sensibly. Abruptly, Roxas wondered if when the two had fought, Ven had worn that armor. When else would he have needed it more than a battle that had almost destroyed his heart? “Look at that little fashion show. Are you proud of yourself, Ventus? Turns out he’s a show-off.”

Ven took two steps toward Vanitas, and kicked him in the shin with one armored foot.

No one said anything for a long moment, the only sound the clank of Ven’s armor as he put his hands on his hips. Roxas had no idea what kind of expression was on his face, but something in Ven’s body language made him think the boy was proud of himself. Vanitas hadn’t moved or made a sound, but from the look on his face he hadn't much enjoyed the experience.

Eventually, Xion broke the silence.

“How do you take it back off?”

“Exactly the sa-” Vanitas started, clearly annoyed, but Ven was already hitting the armor again. This time Vanitas wasn’t prepared for the sudden explosion of light, and he let out a grunt of displeasure. “Ventus!”

“What, did I hurt your eyes? It’s not my fault, I thought you had better reaction time. Did you get sloppy since we haven’t fought in so long?” As he said the words, Ven – now dressed the way he had been when Roxas had first seen him – backed away. Instead of grabbing him by the front of the shirt, Vanitas’s fingers merely brushed against it. Ven’s grin was almost cocky, and Vanitas huffed as he cut his losses. After that, though, a thought seemed to occur to Ven and he turned back to face them. “Sorry! I didn’t warn you it was gonna be bright, I totally forgot. Vanitas is really sensitive to that sort of thing, but I don’t know if it hurt your eyes.”

“No, it was-”

From somewhere above them, there was a clatter.

Vanitas gave Ven a look, something that portrayed resigned annoyance and surprise at once. Roxas didn’t know how those two conflicting emotions could coexist, nor did he know how he was able to recognize them as such. “Ventus.”

Ven sighed, pressing his face into his hands. “Yeah, go check,” he said, and with a vicious scowl Vanitas… faded out of existence. Both Roxas and Xion jumped, and Ven sighed again as they looked around in shock. Where had he gone, and how had he done it?

“ _Ventus!_ ” The angry, scolding tone came, like the clatter, from above. Wincing, Ven gave them a pained smile, and vanished in the same way. They had gone into that room, Roxas realized, though he had no idea how they’d done it. Xion had mentioned it, but he hadn’t been prepared. “The _bed_ , Ventus.”

“Ahhhh, jeez… Sorry, I’m sorry!”

“Ventus, _really?_ ” Vanitas was angry, and Roxas thought he knew why. The armor had returned to the room, and it, or part of it, had landed unceremoniously on the Wayfinder-covered bed. If they were something that the pair of them had made so many of, it seemed like it was something they actually held dear.

“Vanitas, I’m _sorry_! I forgot it was gonna… And I thought it would go to the, oh. Oh _no,_ I forgot you brought the Wayfinders out…”

“You stupid little-!”

“I said I was sorry already, give me a bre-”

There was another clatter, followed by a grunt that had to be Ven. Roxas backed up to try and position himself where he could see into the room. It was no use, because the platform that led into it blocked his vision. The sound of what could have been footsteps, and an angry whisper that he couldn’t make out. Swallowing hard, he jumped up onto the ramp and hoped that there wasn’t a fight brewing. Xion was right behind him he knew, though he didn’t look back to confirm it.

From somewhere inside of there came a thump, like something had been thrown against the wall of the tree. Then, silence. Roxas paused at the foot of the ladder, not sure how to proceed. He exchanged an uncertain look with Xion, who was wide-eyed. Though it was almost inaudible, Roxas heard the sound of a heavy breath. Another thump. Then, silence again. And then…

“Vanitas, quit it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You have to. They’re gonna come up here.”

A huff, from Vanitas. A moment later, he appeared from the doorway, and immediately frowned at them. His face had grown red, probably because he’d gotten so angry, and his pupils had dilated. It didn’t seem like it had anything to do with the fact that the sun was truly starting to set now. Black mist clung to him, something that made Roxas want to back away. Without another word, Vanitas vanished again. Xion turned around to look for him, but Roxas instead started up the ladder.

Ven was sitting on the bed, his face cradled in his hands once more. It looked like he was trying to compose himself, and Roxas thought that the thump he’d heard had to have been Vanitas throwing him against the wall. Ven’s clothes were mussed, and as soon as the other boy noticed him he hurriedly tried to smooth them down again. In Ven’s lap was a Wayfinder with one shell cracked off of it. Roxas winced, then considered Ven again.

“Did he just attack you?”

Ven’s face had been a little red, the same as Vanitas’s, but now it was a heavy flush. “Huh? No! No. I mean, of course he didn’t. He’d never do something like that. It’s just…” Trailing off, Ven bent to pick up the left glove of his armor. Most of it had fallen onto the bed as Roxas had thought. One by one, Ven collected the pieces and laid them out exactly as they’d been before. “I haven’t summoned my armor in so long that I forgot. It used to be that, when I took it off… I don’t know where it went, really. Somewhere in my home… Before I just thought it was magic, it didn’t _go_ anywhere. Well, that's still right. The real armor, it just didn’t exist until I called for it. But now in here whenever I take it off, it just vanishes for a little while, and then… does that. It just drops out of the air, I don’t know why or how. It just always lands… well, it used to go somewhere else. Now it goes here. Oh, wait. It’s my room so I guess that’s where it goes. Wherever my room is. Ah, forget it. You know, usually when he’s mad at me it’s over something stupid. It’s been such a long time since he was mad at me for a _good_ reason. I forgot he’d taken them all off the shelves…”

“Ven, doesn’t it get hard?”

“Well… yeah. Being in here is… It’s safe, usually. But it’s hard to be apart from so many of the people I care about.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Roxas said hesitantly, before stepping into the room and kneeling to pick up a scattered plate. Ven sucked in a quick breath as he reached for it, and Roxas froze.

“Better not,” Ven mumbled, looking nervous. Roxas wondered what that meant, if the armor would repel him in some way. It hadn’t before, but… He decided not to ask, because there had to be a good reason for it. They had plenty of time for more questions later, he was sure. It could be forever inside of here, even. “What _did_ you mean, then?”

“Being in here is one thing, but… Isn’t it hard, putting up with him?”

For a second, the words didn’t seem to register to Ven. Then, as he set down the last piece of the armor, he made an expression that he’d never expected to see on that face that looked so much like his. When Ven spoke again, it was in a quiet voice.

“You think I put up with him?”

Roxas didn’t know how to respond to that. Was Vanitas normally wildly different from the boy they’d just met? Ven certainly knew more about him, but Roxas thought that Vanitas would have driven him crazy if he’d spent ten years with him. “… don’t you?”

“No. Vanitas is… we used to really hate each other. But, the way things were back then, and the way things are now… He’s totally different. You know, ten years, it changes people.” Ven pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Roxas had no words for that. He’d only existed for one. “I miss them all, you know? Terra and Aqua, Master Eraqus… I miss them so much. I don’t know if they’re safe.”

Roxas said nothing. What could he possibly say? It seemed that Ven had a family, but he didn’t know what that was like. People who he hadn’t seen in more than ten years… The idea of it, of going so long not knowing what was happening to them, not knowing if they were okay, it was terrifying to even think of. He didn’t know how _Ven_ was still okay, unable to reach the people he cared about. What were those people doing now? Did they have any idea where Ven was, or did they have nothing but a sleeping body and fear?

“I say ten years, but… We haven’t actually been awake that long. I only know it’s been ten years because Xion told us what year it was, when we first came here earlier. But both of us, we fell asleep, a lot. First I just fell asleep all the time, and if Vanitas got upset he’d sleep for a while. Most of the time he slept less than me, but he still fell asleep every night. We’re still a little broken, both of us. And neither of us know how much time passes while we’re asleep unless one of us is awake, so we can’t really keep track. It feels like it was just yesterday, sometimes.” Ven laced his fingers together, intertwining them and holding tight. The light from whatever sun existed in Sora’s heart was starting to fade, but it wasn’t gone yet and he could still see Ven’s face. “It feels like just yesterday, that Vanitas said… he’s so different now. Right now he’s being really difficult, but this isn’t normal. This isn’t who he really is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Back then, years ago, he was awful. He was terrible, he was… doing stuff that was just evil. I still don’t know if he changed because he had no choice, if he was scared, or if he really started to change because he cared about me. I hope it… I hope it was because he cared. I know he does now, but back then I just don’t know. I hope he did. Because, despite everything, despite all the awful things that happened, things he did and things other people did and things I did, despite all of that… _pain,_ and anguish and misery and… fear…” Ven’s words trailed off, and to Roxas’s shock he realized tears were threatening to spill down the other boy’s cheeks. “I saw his face. He had always been so _frustrating_ , he always was trying to get something from me. When he didn’t think I could do what he wanted me to do, he tossed me aside and even tried to destroy me. Isn’t it stupid? That I could forgive someone like that. I know why he did it. I know why he did every single thing that he did. I hated him for it. I still do. I hate that Vanitas, more than almost anyone in the world probably.”

“Then why would you… be nice to him? Why would you even talk to him?”

“I saw him.”

“What does that even mean?”

“… I don’t know. Look, just… He had something awful happen to him. We did. We both did.”

“Your heart was broken.” Vanitas had said as much. Someone had taken Ven’s heart and had torn it in two. Roxas had no idea what it could have felt like, how much it had to have hurt. How had it happened? What had driven someone to do something so horrible?

“Vanitas, he… would have survived even if I hadn’t. When my heart was broken, and he suddenly existed where he hadn’t before, he was able to keep walking. I couldn’t. I needed help. Sora helped me, and I stopped being a broken piece. Vanitas, he stayed shattered even though he kept walking. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t treat him gently because I felt bad for him. I don't even treat him gently, I'm gonna smack him one if he keeps this up. I just gave him a chance because I felt bad for him. And I’m glad I did. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, maybe I just… think I can’t explain myself if you don’t know what happened. We were split up. I don’t remember anything other than being afraid, being _terrified_ , and this…” Ven held a hand to his chest, over his heart. He had a heart, without a doubt. It had been broken and it had healed, and it beat within him. Inside Ven there was definitely a heart brimming with strength. “Agony. But it was for a reason, is what I’m getting at. Not a good reason, but it was a choice someone made. I think of it as an accident, because the fact that it happened to _us_ , that was… random, I guess. It could have been anyone, he could have picked anyone. It was just bad luck that I was the one who was his student. Does… does the name “Xehanort” mean anything to you, Roxas?”

Xehanort. He didn’t think he recognized the name. Xehanort… he didn’t know a Xehanort, did he?

“No.”

“Good. Maybe he’s gone for good. Ahh, but like it would ever be that easy… Xehanort was, he was our master. I was his student, and when he, uh, split us up, he brought me here. To, not here. The real place, on that little island across the bridge. The one with the…”

“The paopu tree.” Xion had said that Ven never sat on it, that Vanitas never went near it. There had to be a reason. Roxas thought he was about to learn it.

“Is that what it’s called? Weird name. Me and Vanitas sort of stay away from it. There’s just a lot of complicated feelings, good and bad. It’s not like I’m afraid to go near it, but I’m pretty sure why Vanitas doesn’t go there. He remembers what happened there. I don’t.” It was getting harder to see Ven clearly, but he could still hear him perfectly. Roxas wondered if they had any way to create light once the sun had set. He hadn’t seen anything like a candle on the shelves. It was brighter outside, but there was little point in trying to bring the discussion out of the room. They’d already sat down. It would have been awkward to say something. “I think that island is where he left me, Xehanort did. That island and that tree is where he left me. To fade away. To die.”

It hurt his chest. Roxas pressed a hand to it, to the place his heart was if it existed. Ven had been abandoned. He had said it so calmly, like he’d come to terms with it.

“But why? Why split your heart up?”

“He took Vanitas with him,” Ven said, not answering the question. Though he could still easily make out the shape of Ven there in the dark, Roxas couldn’t really tell what kind of expression he was making. He didn’t think it was a good one. Vanitas had gone with the person who had done something so awful. Why? Was that why he was the way he was? “When I didn’t die, he brought me somewhere else. Master Eraqus took me in, and even though I was… kind of a zombie-” Those words were incredibly familiar, and Roxas found himself nodding. He knew the feeling, and wondered if Ven could sense that. “-I met Terra and Aqua, and they all took care of me until I was better. But I didn’t remember what had happened to me, so when Xehanort came back, I… I didn’t realize what he was planning, even though I should have known he was evil. The reason he did it was so that I would fight Vanitas.”

“I don’t get it,” Roxas said quietly, and he heard Ven laugh. It didn’t sound like he was about to cry anymore, but the laugh wasn’t genuinely happy. He wondered where Vanitas was, where Xion was, if they were talking or if they were doing nothing at all. Somehow he knew that Vanitas wouldn’t attack her, though he wasn’t sure why. Frustrated as he had been, it didn’t seem like he’d take it out physically on someone else. Before, he’d felt differently. Now, it seemed Vanitas was at least a tiny bit calmer.

“I guess I didn’t explain it really well. I told you that Vanitas used to be me, but I guess that’s pretty vague isn’t it? What Xehanort did to me, was… He pulled my heart out, and once he’d done that, he pulled the darkness out of it. All of the darkness, he just… drew it out of my heart. Xehanort split my heart in two, and then he took all of the darkness and put it in one half, and all of the light in another. I kept the light. Vanitas was the darkness.”

Though it was supposedly an explanation, it only left Roxas more confused. Vanitas was a heart filled only with darkness, and Ven was filled only with light. What was that supposed to mean? How strong was Vanitas that he could survive that process that almost destroyed Ven? And if Vanitas was made up of nothing but darkness…

“Ven, is Vanitas a Heartless?”

“A Hea-” That made Ven laugh again, almost as hard as he’d laughed when Roxas had asked if they were friends. Roxas frowned. It didn’t feel like a stupid question to ask. What else was a heart filled with darkness, if not a Heartless? “A long time ago, I actually sort of asked him the same thing. It really upset him. He made a bunch of really nasty Unversed and swarmed the cove. The truth is, he wasn’t actually sure either and he still isn’t. Neither am I. We don’t know _what_ Vanitas is, honestly. He’s just him, but I think it’s not weird to think he’s something like a Heartless. Or, was one?”

“It’s just that… if he’s all darkness, a heart filled with darkness?”

“Yeah, he started off that way. There’s parts of him that are sorta like the Heartless I saw, but I know they come in different forms. I only saw one kind. Back when… I guess, when he was born. Ugh, there’s just so much, isn’t there? Oh, hold on! A light, it’s getting pretty hard to see…” Light blossomed, a sphere held within Ven’s hands. Roxas didn’t know how he had done it, but he was glad. He hadn’t been sure how to say he was having trouble seeing. “Hey, will you tell me about you for a little bit?”

“Me?” That was something Roxas didn’t know how to respond to. It hadn’t even occurred to him, perhaps because he’d lived it and didn’t need to think about it, that Ven knew nothing about his life. He’d been so curious about Ven’s that he’d forgotten all about his own.

“Yeah. I mean, there’s lots of stuff that’s happened to me. I could spend years talking about it, probably. But I don’t really know anything about you, or about Xion. She told us a little, but there’s gotta be more than that. Way, way more. And, you know, she was really worried about you.”

“She was, huh… I get it. I was really worried about her too. I just couldn’t remember it, not until…” It had been such a relief. Standing on a warm beach and remembering everything he’d forgotten. Seeing her face again and knowing who she was… The relief of having one of the most important people in his life back and being able to hold on to her, Roxas hoped he’d never forget it. “Wait, that reminds me. Xion told me it rained earlier.”

“Oh, yeah. Wait, do you know what happened?”

“You were right, Sora was crying. Turns out he’s a total sap… Well, maybe not.”

“Definitely not. It almost never rains in here. But something happened, right? It was awful for a while, the air was just so heavy. I don’t think we really need to breathe, but it was hard to. Me and Vanitas just sort of hung out in the water, because there was nothing else to do really. It’s always been kind of hot and humid ever since we woke up years ago, but not in a bad way. It started getting worse and worse over time. It had gotten pretty bad before he… before I went with you. But when I got back it was way worse than I remembered. The plants had all wilted, everything looked like it was dying. The waterfall was thinner than I remembered, and eventually it was only a trickle. We didn’t wanna do _anything_ , I wanted to just lie in the water. Then earlier it started to finally rain. It was so… nice. Sora’s heart felt good again.”

“I used to have some of Sora’s memories,” Roxas said, pulling his knees up to his chest. In the new light, he could see Ven nod in agreement. Maybe Xion had mentioned it, or maybe it just felt logical to Ven. “He has these two friends who mean the whole world to him, Riku and Kairi. I don’t really know much about them, or Sora. I just remember… this is gonna sound really weird, but I remember _remembering_ caring about them both. I don’t remember caring for them, because it’s Sora who has those feelings. But I remember… remembering his memories about Sora’s feelings for them… ah, it’s so confusing! Anyway, some stuff happened – I don’t really know what it was, but it was probably something to do with why I exist. But after it all happened, or, maybe before, or during… they got separated. Sora wasn’t worried about Kairi at first, he missed her a lot but he knew where she was. He didn’t… know where Riku was. Ever since I joined him again and woke up, I could feel what he felt if it was strong enough, and I could see what he was doing.”

“He was looking for Riku?” Ven’s voice was very, very quiet. There was something impossibly heavy in it, something Roxas couldn’t understand.

“He was _desperate_. At first he was just worried, but all this time was passing, and he kept thinking about all this awful stuff. Sora, he… Didn’t know if Riku was safe or not. He was scared that Riku was trapped in a horrible place that he didn’t know how to reach. And he didn’t know if Riku could survive there. He was traveling to all these worlds, looking everywhere for Riku, and all this… fear, and anger, and despair… all of that was just squeezing him. I think that’s what it was that was making his heart feel so awful. All of the things he was feeling, they were terrible. It hurt so much. Riku, he’s…”

“He’s okay, right?” Ven’s voice was a little strained, and Roxas watched him lean forward. In a lot of ways, he thought Ven was like Sora. He didn’t know anything about Riku, but he was already worried for him. Again, Roxas wondered if there were people out there in the world looking desperately for Ven, looking everywhere for him. He thought someone like Ven definitely had people who cared about him that much. Terra and Aqua, Master Eraqus. Certainly, they were searching everywhere for Ven’s missing heart.

“When it rained earlier, that was because of Riku. He’s totally fine, he’s safe and sound. He was going around all the same worlds, I think. They really care about each other, all three of them. Sora was worried for Kairi too, he was scared. The Organization took her, but she got away from them somehow… she was looking for them too, even though she doesn’t have a Keyblade at all. Well, she didn’t. She does now.”

Ven took a quick breath at that, as if there was a burning question he needed answered. He wondered how long Ven had been holding on to it, if he had forgotten it until that moment. There was hesitance, but eagerness in his eyes. “Roxas, can you maybe tell me… how did Sora get a Keyblade? A-and, Riku and Kairi too.”

“Huh?”

“What I mean is, who bequeathed them their Keyblades?” Roxas had no idea what the words meant, and all of Ven’s excitement seemed to burn out. “You don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“… Sorry, I don’t. I’ve just always been able to use Sora’s Keyblade, I never really… I never really thought about it. Once I knew it belonged to Sora, I just stopped wondering where it came from. I never thought about where _he_ got it. I don’t know about Riku either, but Kairi… Riku gave Kairi a Keyblade. I don’t know how he did it. I didn’t even know he was Riku at first.”

“Maybe Riku performed it for her, then… But how? Only a…” Ven’s voice was quiet, thoughtful. It still meant absolutely nothing, and before he could say anything Ven was continuing. “What I mean is… there’s only a few people I know who’d be able to do that, to give someone else a Keyblade. One of them is… her, her name is Aqua, and she’s a Keyblade Master. Master Aqua. Xion doesn’t know her, but maybe…?”

Aqua. Terra, Master Aqua, Master Eraqus, even Xehanort… All of the names meant the same thing to him. All of them meant nothing at all.

It was painful to admit it to himself, knowing that to Ven they meant everything.

“No good, then.”

“… I’m sorry. She’s your friend?”

“Yeah. I wish I’d just. Listened to her. If I’d listened to her and Terra, and gone back home, Xehanort and Vanitas wouldn’t…” Ven sighed, long and hard. His expression had turned sorrowful again. No, pained. He was in pain. “It’s just… Xehanort split me and Vanitas up for a reason. He wanted to clash light and darkness together, to make this weapon. He was going to use it to start a war, a Keyblade war. And he’d use it to open the door to Kingdom Hearts. I don’t… know what any of that means. Neither does Vanitas, actually. He knew more than I did, that when it happened all these people would show up to fight over it. The light that exists within there, in Kingdom Hearts. He really wanted to see it too. People suffering. He thought forging that weapon, by fighting me, was his entire purpose in life. It made him happy, he was excited about it.”

Kingdom Hearts, that he knew. What Xemnas had been seeking, what the Organization had been seeking. A force strong enough to give them back what they’d lost. Had that been the truth, or just another deception? Was it the same force, the same power? But the rest of what Ven was saying felt simply awful.

A Keyblade war. That was what Vanitas had been made for. Was that why he had been so cruel? Because he’d been born and raised for such a terrible purpose? Roxas opened his mouth to ask that, but Ven didn’t give him the chance.

“And, you know? He was right. That _is_ why he was born, that was what he was created for. That’s why he was so annoyed and disappointed whenever I saw him. I wasn’t strong enough to fight him, so I was useless to him and holding him back. He looked down on me, and even tried to find someone to replace me at first. It was the worst. He and Xehanort split up my friends, my… Vanitas always calls them my family, but until I came here I never really thought of Terra and Aqua as that. I still don’t. And back then he and Xehanort used them to lure me out of my home so that they could make me stronger and then corner me. We ended up forging it. Vanitas did, he made me do it. I destroyed his body, he wasn’t lying. When that happened, his heart… it took over mine. I fought him, inside of me. Us. I won, and I destroyed the weapon. It was… When I fought him, I was planning to destroy us both. I didn’t care if I vanished forever, if it was to save everyone. But I didn’t. Vanitas, he… disappeared. His face was… E-either way, I thought he was gone for good. That it was over. I went back to Sora, because I knew Sora was safe. And I slept. And, now I’m awake, and he’s here with me, and it isn’t over, and actually, I’m _glad_ it’s not. We fought in here, more than once. Then we stopped fighting. Then we just talked. It wasn’t… easy. At first he was just really mad that I was keeping him from his life purpose, I guess. It took a while to convince him that there were better reasons for living.”

“You don’t know what happened after, though? With Xehanort, I mean.”

“I thought Terra must have beaten him, and I still do. But Vanitas said that… That Terra would have…” Bringing it all back up had been a mistake, Roxas thought. It was raw in Ven’s mind. He was actually sniffling, trying to hold it back, hunching over and burying his face in his knees. The light trapped in his hands flickered and dimmed as he curled around it. Roxas wished he had something to give him, a tissue, anything. Seeing him like that was just…

Behind him, he felt it. Energy, immense power. It was moving fast, so fast that before he could do more than register it, Vanitas was dropping to the floor next to Ven. He knew it was Vanitas before the boy even manifested, because _it_ was there, that feeling.

“Ventus.”

That sensation, the sensation of a writhing mass of energy that would pull him in and destroy him, was back. Roxas took a shuddering breath. Whatever Vanitas was, fragment or whole, Heartless or human, was the most daunting being he had ever seen in his life. But despite the negativity that flowed off of him, Vanitas ignored Roxas entirely. What was he about to do? Why was he back?

“Terra is…” Ven started, and his voice cracked as the light was extinguished entirely. One of the boys sucked in a quick breath, but Roxas didn’t know which one it was. Abruptly, the energy spilling off of Vanitas started to contract.

Something was forming in the air, a pale, sickly-looking sphere coming together before taking a different shape. It glowed eerily, resembling more than anything a rose that sprouted from a toy top, with vines for arms that were covered in thorns and a face that looked as if it was weeping.

Unversed. Xion had said that it was beautiful when Vanitas created them, but this felt horrible.

It wrapped a tendril around Vanitas’s arm, and to Roxas’s shock squeezed in with those thorns. Vanitas grunted in pain, and Ven reached out to swat at the Unversed before it could take hold of Vanitas with the other vine. Why was it Ven taking action? Why wasn’t Vanitas moving to defend himself from that creature? Why would an Unversed attack its creator?

“Stop it! It’s over, there’s no point in getting upset over it! Besides, this was _my_ fault, not yours. If it wasn’t for me chasing after him, Terra-”

“You would have just made it easier for him to manipulate Terra if you hadn’t left. Ventus, calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself. Ventus!” The vines were loosening as Ven yanked at the Unversed, as if he was pulling whatever painful emotion it was away from Vanitas alongside its body. The light he’d produced was back, as if he was trying to banish the creature with it. Vanitas, still, was making no move to fight his emotion off. It was Ven alone who worked to tear it away. “You were forced into a trap that someone else set. There _was_ no winning. You _know_ we tricked you, it was a rigged game!”

“But it was all _because_ of me, because I was so weak, a-and, _stupid_ , and I still-”

Vanitas leaned in, and whispered something to Ven that Roxas couldn’t hear. It made the light that was still within Ven’s hand turn suddenly blinding, and Roxas covered his face to shield himself from it. The room looked like it was daylight again, but only for a moment. Then it was dimming, a faint glow.

“Yeah,” Ven mumbled, and the energy that was pouring from Vanitas abruptly was bright. The Unversed was sucked up into it, and as it dissolved it only made the color grow stronger. Its light joined what Ven had made and illuminated the room, a soft pink like the setting sun. He could see Ven’s face clearly again, a face that looked just like his, swimming with tears. Vanitas face in profile looked… tense, like he was ready to fight. But it wasn’t out of anger, Roxas realized. He wasn’t here to fight with Ven, though his shoulders were squared and that strange feeling was emanating from him. He was acting the way he was, because…

Why? He couldn’t figure it out.

“Vanitas, we’ll go together right?”

“… You tell me.”

It wasn’t until Xion was behind him that Roxas realized she had been running up the ramp to reach them. She was out of breath from it, bending over to clutch at her chest and pant. Roxas could only look between her and the strange scene unfolding in the room, where Vanitas stayed close to Ven and light spilled from their bodies. Vanitas didn’t care that either of them were there. His actions all centered around Ven. And despite the tears spilling down his face Ven was grinning now, letting out a laugh that was also a sob.

“I missed you so much!”

Vanitas held a hand out, and turned it so that his palm was facing upward. Spheres of light were gathering around it, spinning and bobbing and taking form as more Unversed. Roses again, but different now. The petals were a different color, not the wilted blue they had been before. They were now pure white, and the sea of vines that coiled around the pair bore no thorns. Unlike the one that had appeared before Vanitas had made these willingly, and they _were_ beautiful. There was another kind forming too, a bright pink apparition that looked almost like a lidded pot. It had a face stamped on it above the symbol they all bore, a smiling face. Ven reached for it like a child, wrapping his arms around the creature that Vanitas had made.

Completely ignoring them, Vanitas had made them. Roxas wondered what they were, why he was doing it. Even more were materializing, enough that Roxas could only stare at Vanitas in disbelief. What level of power did he have, that he could manifest so many of those creatures at once? It must have been a terrible weapon in the past.

All of the Unversed were doing the same thing, Roxas realized. When Vanitas’s eyes met his, Roxas knew the other boy could read his sudden, still-incomplete understanding on his face. Vanitas said nothing, his expression calm, but he pointed outside. It was a silent but firm order – leave.

“Roxas.” It was the first time Vanitas had said his name, and it felt… bizarre. A voice almost like Sora's, saying his name and recognizing his existence. He didn’t think Vanitas was mad at him. Ven definitely wasn’t, and he gave Roxas a smile that was more reassuring than he’d expected it to be. Though he wasn’t saying “go away”, Roxas thought that both of them were speaking the same thought in those expressions and gestures. “Just give us a minute”, they seemed to say.

Probably, Vanitas was the best person for Ven to speak to for that minute.

Without a word, Roxas got to his feet. Neither he nor Xion had spoken, not since Vanitas had appeared again. He didn’t know if Xion had gone off looking for Vanitas while he’d stayed with Ven, but he got the feeling she’d tried to approach him in some way. How else would she have known that Vanitas had taken off for the tree house again? One of the spheres of light, probably the one Ven had made, bobbed after him as he backed out of the room.

Completely silent, Roxas dropped down the ladder, then down the ramp. The quiet sound of their footsteps – his, and Xion’s – were the only thing he could hear. But when he glanced up at that room there was still light pouring from it in all colors, shifting from one to the next. It seemed to contract for a moment, and Roxas heard another bark of laughter that quickly dissolved into a sob.

Ven was going through something terrible, Roxas knew. Though he had lost Xion for so long, it had been hidden inside of him as a longing that had no form. Ven knew exactly what he had lost, had its claws tearing into him every single day. Whatever had happened, he had no real reprieve from. It had been something terrible, and… unlike Sora, he was helpless. There was no relief or distraction to be had in searching. There was nothing they could do in here. Ven was safe, but he was also trapped.

Roxas wondered who Terra was, and what had happened to him. He wondered if Terra was as scared for Ven as Ven was for him. He wondered how long it would be before anyone knew. All he could tell for sure was that, though Roxas couldn’t grasp the shape or meaning, Ven cared about Terra as much as Sora cared about Riku and Kairi. It was probably the same with Aqua, another trio of people who meant the world to each other. Another trio that had been torn apart, yet to be reunited.

 

It felt awful to admit to himself, but Roxas hoped that Xehanort was dead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter again, there's no consistent length among these guys it seems! Anyway, thanks to everyone who's already enjoying the story and commenting, you're the real MVPs.

Flat on his back on the beach, Ventus stared up at the sky and panted for breath. There was nothing that remained to fight. Echoing in his ears was the sound of Vanitas, coughing and sputtering as he heaved up something black and sickly. It radiated a foul aura, a thick miasma that filled the air around him. Ven rolled over onto his side so that he wouldn’t have to face it. Turning his back on Vanitas didn’t make him feel vulnerable, not right now. Like he could do anything. All Vanitas was currently capable of was vomiting helplessly into the sand.

“I hope you choke,” Ven wanted to say. He didn’t, because it wasn’t really something he hoped for. Just a lingering remnant of his anger. It lingered, like them in this place. It lingered, like their battle that hadn’t ended. One by one, he’d swatted Unversed from the air, crushed them, beat and battered them.

He couldn’t feel his hands, was exhausted, wanted to sleep.

It was completely disgusting, the sound of Vanitas gagging. It made him want to vomit as well, his stomach churning. If Vanitas fell face-first into what had risen from his stomach, Ventus wondered what he would do. Probably push him over so that he didn’t just end up with it in his nostrils. Even for Vanitas, that felt too unbelievably pathetic to just sit by and allow to happen.

Finally, just when uneasiness was starting to rise in Ven, that sound no longer came. He didn’t know how much of that stuff could have possibly been inside Vanitas, if it was real or just a manifestation of tainted energy. Their bodies weren’t real, so it couldn’t be real. Then again, what counted as real? Even if it wasn’t what would normally be in a stomach, if Vanitas was retching it up it was real. Their bodies were real even if they weren’t “real”.

That made no sense whatsoever, Ven thought immediately. It was too confusing. Maybe the right term was “normal”. Their bodies weren’t normal, but they existed so they were real.

In a hoarse, shredded voice, Vanitas was speaking.

“I’m not going to thank you.”

Ventus let out a sigh dripping with exasperation. He hadn’t even considered it as a possibility. Of course Vanitas wasn’t going to thank him, even though Ven suspected he might have saved Vanitas’s life. Could the Unversed have killed him? If it was possible, they probably could have killed him as well. Ventus found himself too tired to care about that. Besides, he’d already been prepared to die. “I wasn’t holding my breath.”

Ven didn’t think he was okay with dying, not here. If it was to take Vanitas down, to eliminate him as a threat, to save Terra and Aqua, he had accepted that. The only thing Vanitas could do here was hurt the both of them, and no one else. It wasn’t like he knew how to leave.

Maybe what he’d end up doing for however long they remained in this place was prevent Vanitas from figuring out how to do that. That could be his goal. Survive, because surviving meant keeping Vanitas from hurting anyone else. If he had no goal, Ventus didn’t think he would be okay.

“Go away.” Vanitas’s voice was exhausted, as if it was a struggle to even get the words out. It was pretty absurd. Ven didn’t know where Vanitas got off saying something like that. He closed his eyes, feeling his forehead furrow in annoyance.

“I thought you wanted to join with me.”

“I hate you,” Vanitas spat, a little more fire in him again. Though he knew the other boy couldn’t see him, Ven rolled his eyes. This was going to be an unbelievably frustrating future, filled with nothing but irritation and an endless amount of sand to get in everything.

“That makes two of us, I hate you too. Guess you did come from me.” Reaching out with one hand, Ventus traced a circle in that sand. He didn’t know if Vanitas was looking at his back or not. It didn’t really matter. “Besides, even if I left where would I go?”

“This island is too small.” That was undeniable, Vanitas agreeing with him. It should have been a peaceful place, this heart. With Vanitas present, it was anything but. Ven didn’t know if they were truly even awake. Awake, but not able to interact with anyone but each other… it might as well have been a nightmare. That too, Vanitas seemed to believe. “What a miserable existence. It would have been better if I’d died.”

“So sorry I didn’t finish the job.” Vanitas snorted at that, and somehow Ventus knew it was genuine. He hadn’t been making a joke, though. He didn’t find it funny. “I thought I did. Of course things never go well.”

“Of course not. I was going to destroy him. If things had gone well, I would have.”

That gave him pause. Ven opened his eyes again and sat. Vanitas was curled up on his side again, and whatever he had thrown up was gone as if it had never existed. Maybe it had simply faded away, a mass of foul energy. “Who?”

“You really are stupid.”

“You don’t mean Terra?” It was a little sharp, and Vanitas looked up at him with a flicker of uneasiness. That was something Ventus had never seen on his face. Vanitas was showing him a lot of new expressions, new sides to him. Ven hated every single one.

“Don’t be an idiot. I never even went near your precious Terra. You were my target.” Ven didn’t know if he was relieved by it or not. If Vanitas had wanted to destroy Terra, what would have happened? But he had defeated Vanitas himself. There was no way someone who had lost to him could have defeated Terra. “Figure it out yourself.”

Who did Vanitas mean? There were only two other possibilities, unless Vanitas meant someone he didn’t know of. It simply made no sense for the answer to be Master Eraqus, who he didn’t think Vanitas had ever met. Which left only…

“You don’t mean… Xehanort?”

“Took you long enough.”

“But…”

“You can’t honestly believe I liked him. I knew you were stupid, but this is taking it to another level. I don’t even respect that old man. Why do you think I disobeyed his orders? He didn’t want me to eliminate you. Probably would have been furious if he found out I’d even tried.” Vanitas was calm, surprisingly so given the complete disgrace he’d been minutes before. His voice was, even if hoarse, dispassionate. So tired that he felt nothing. Ventus could relate to that. It had made him oddly talkative, though. Part of Ven wished Vanitas would just shut up… but the information had severely altered his prior assumptions. “It turned out you were my only match. Figures. If that woman hadn’t… I was going to use the blade to end him. The master was right about one thing. The χ-blade was mine by right. It was my purpose, it was _your_ purpose. It was my destiny to forge it.”

“Would you shut up about that? You don’t get to tell me what I’m for. I’m not _for_ anything, I’m a person.” What was _wrong_ with Vanitas? His eyes were empty. He did care about what he was saying, and he believed it. But he just seemed so hollow. Ventus didn’t know if the boy lying there on the beach was real at all.

“You’re a piece. We were meant to become something greater. You still can’t see that? Fool.” Vanitas paused for a moment, but only a moment. “You ruined my destiny and you ruined my chance to destroy that old man.”

“Why did you want to do that?” Vanitas had followed Xehanort, hadn’t he? From the moment he’d been born, he had followed Xehanort. Ven didn’t remember any of what had come after that. In fact, he still didn’t remember any of what had come before that. As always, he pushed that thought away. Those memories were gone, no matter how much their absence scared him.

“Figure it out yourself.”

Vanitas just didn’t like being told what to do, probably.

“It’s not your destiny and it’s not mine. The fact that you lost says that. You just thought you could get your way and you couldn’t.” Energy was swirling above Vanitas again, and Ventus eyed it nervously. Some Unversed was forming, something dangerous. Would it attack?

A Monotrucker dropped to the beach beside Vanitas, and did nothing. Two more solidified after it, but none of them made any move to strike. What that meant, Ven didn’t know. The different types of Unversed, did they have rules to them? It was clear now that Vanitas didn’t necessarily control their emergence. These ones seemed to have been made intentionally, at the very least.

Scowling faintly, Vanitas shoved the nearest Unversed away. It seemed to be bristling, impatient, angry. Just being around it made Ven irritated. But Vanitas was calm, as if the sight of them had drawn away his growing frustration.

“Go,” he snapped, pointing down the beach. His creations followed the line of his extended finger, voiceless but somehow seeming to consent. As the trio of Unversed sped off, Ven considered them. Vanitas had ordered them away, and they had obeyed. He hadn’t banished the earlier Unversed, even as they’d attacked him. They hadn’t listened to his strained commands, and he hadn’t absorbed them until they were defeated. Too many questions swirled in his mind, questions Ventus couldn’t even begin to piece together the answers to. There was no way he could ask, either.

“Why did you do that?” Vanitas was going to mock him, but it was too late to take the question back. The gaze that met his was steady and uncaring, almost lifeless. Easily, Vanitas got to his feet. Ven didn’t know how he could possibly have the strength to stand.

“Figure it out yourself.” That dispassionate voice was more like the Vanitas he remembered. Ven didn’t know if he liked that. Surely it was better than a Vanitas he couldn’t predict at all… but then again, Vanitas had already proven that he could and would subvert his expectations. Even the Vanitas he remembered, he wasn’t close to understanding.

Saying nothing more, Vanitas walked away toward the shack. He closed the door behind him, and Ven brought his hands to his face with a sigh. All he did was get sand all over himself, again. Vanitas had recovered from everything that had just happened, had walked away as if it hadn’t affected him at all. If his mind hadn’t been heavy with exhaustion, if his vision hadn’t begun to blur, if his thoughts weren’t falling to pieces, Ventus probably would have been frustrated by that.

Under the warmth of that sun, Ven merely curled up in the sand and drifted off.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided that from the 1st on, I'll be moving to a bi-weekly release. That way I'm not overwhelming you guys with chapters, but they're coming out at a regular clip. So I'll be posting on Wednesday and Saturday probably! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

By the time Roxas and Xion reached the paopu tree again, the light in the room and the one following them had faded. Night had truly fallen, leaving the island lit only by the moon. Together, the pair of them sat, and Roxas finally broke their silence.

“Xion… I don’t understand them at all.”

Xion looked up at the sky, letting out a very quiet sigh. “Me neither. Vanitas, when you went to talk to Ven, I figured… I’d follow Vanitas, and see if he would talk to me.”

 

“Vanitas?” She knew it was probably stupid. Would he even look at her? But Xion thought she had to give it a shot. Ven and Vanitas had separated, and it seemed as if they were… fighting? But Roxas had climbed the ladder, would talk to Ven. It only made sense, felt right, that…

Standing there on the dock, Vanitas tilted his head just enough to meet her eyes.

“You, huh.”

“… me, huh.” Though Xion laughed, she couldn’t keep the nervousness from that laugh. Vanitas didn’t react to it, didn’t make fun of her for it or laugh himself, but he had definitely heard it. That was a small blessing, she thought. He hadn’t commented at all. “Did Ven upset you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Things were off to a bad start. How could she phrase things, what tone should she use, to actually get Vanitas to talk to her instead of spouting off vague fragments of thought? It seemed to be what he was best at. He definitely didn’t _want_ to talk to her, but he wasn’t leaving. “Shouldn’t you be off with Roxas, checking on Ventus now that I’ve bullied him again?”

“I think,” she started slowly, picking her words as carefully as she could, “That I’d rather talk to you.”

That made Vanitas hesitate visibly. A dark haze was starting to lift from him, and Vanitas held a hand out behind himself. From it, an Unversed began to take shape – one she had seen before, a blue, lidded pot. An Unversed she’d seen on the beach, when Roxas had fought Sora. Vanitas didn’t even look at it, simply created it without a word. It bounced around him, spinning aimlessly, and when it drew close to her she felt the chill radiating off of it. Somehow, that chill made her incredibly uncertain of what to do, how to react. Xion rubbed her arm, trying not to shiver.

Though Vanitas didn’t absorb the Unversed he reached out and grabbed it by the lip of its lid, pulling it back towards himself. “Why? Ventus is much more palatable to be around than I am.”

“You know, when I look at you, I get this weird feeling.” That wasn’t really helpful, Xion thought. She hadn’t been lying. Vanitas was the one she wanted to talk to. Because more than Ven, from Vanitas, there was… “Sort of a familiar feeling, but not a feeling that… It’s not a feeling like I know you.”

“Obviously,” Vanitas snorted, but despite his cool expression the Unversed he was holding on to seemed to be growing stronger. That creature was an emotion, one that was growing in intensity. Not a good one. One that made her feel like she wasn’t on stable ground, like things would fall out from beneath her any second.

“Still… I think that, more than Ven, or even Roxas, right now I want to talk to you.” Slowly but not hesitantly, Xion sat on the edge of the dock. Vanitas didn’t move, at least not more than turning his head to keep his eyes on her. The fact that he wasn’t dismissing her by looking away, was that good or bad? Xion didn’t know. “I don’t think you were bullying Ven.”

“Hmph. What would you know about that?”

“Nothing at all,” she sighed, kicking her feet. Vanitas wouldn’t sit next to her, Xion knew. Why had she known that the words Vanitas had spoken were only technically true? “Just a feeling. I don’t think you would want to hurt him, so I can’t believe you were bullying him.”

“I bullied him all the time,” Vanitas said dully, crossing his arms over his chest. “I attacked him for years. Who are you to say I wouldn’t want to hurt him? It’s not as if you saw what I was doing or what I've done. Your “feeling”, it’s nothing _but_ a feeling.”

She got the sense that he was trying to push her away, not for the first time. Vanitas didn’t want them around. What Vanitas wanted wasn’t to be completely alone, but rather… What? Something she didn’t understand was hovering below the surface.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did, don’t waste my time.” Grating. She thought it really was his desire to get rid of them. Vanitas wouldn’t leave himself, but he would make casual attempts to drive her away. Though she wasn’t sure why, Xion found it a little funny. If Ven thought that Vanitas was someone worth caring about, Vanitas was certainly someone worth caring about. She wouldn’t give up on that.

“Roxas asked Ven this, but he didn’t really answer. Are you and Ven friends?”

For a moment, Xion thought that Vanitas hadn’t heard her. A faint, almost strangled sound was escaping from his throat. An unnatural noise. Something about it was strained, even. It wasn’t until Vanitas actually began to laugh in earnest that Xion realized that he had been all along. The strangeness of it had been nothing more than his initial attempt to keep that laughter in.

Just like Ven, Vanitas was laughing at the idea of them being friends.

“Are you an idiot?”

“What?” Xion knew it was obvious that she was taken aback by the reply she’d gotten. “But… I really can’t tell. I can’t tell if you guys like each other or hate each other.”

Vanitas was laughing harder now, his shoulders shaking. It was at her expense, totally unlike the way Ven had laughed at that question. Xion didn’t know what was so funny about it. Feeling her cheeks heat, she pulled her knees up to her chest. Was she being stupid?

“Unbelievable. You and Roxas both, you’re barely functional. You can’t tell?”

“Of course we can’t! You don’t have to be so rude. It’s not like you’re very clear!” The way he was laughing was frustrating. Xion didn’t feel like her question deserved that kind of reaction. More than it being frustrating, it actually hurt. Vanitas was making fun of her with that laugh. “Fine, I get it! Roxas and I don’t know, how could we? It’s awful to laugh at that. Even if we were better at figuring things out, you’re just so… inconsistent!”

Vanitas’s laughter cut off at that, and a second Unversed began to form behind him. It was massive, bigger than him, an hourglass. Xion swallowed hard, watching him distractedly crafting that monster. Even though it radiated such energy, she couldn’t believe it was a threat.

“Inconsistent, huh.” Vanitas seemed more subdued than he’d been before, and the feeling of strange emptiness she’d sensed from him a few times throughout the day was back. What he was, she truly didn’t know. Xion wasn’t sure of it, Vanitas’s humanity. “Ventus would agree, especially now. Do I _like_ him, what an absurd question.”

“I don’t think it is.” She said it more sharply than she’d intended to, and Vanitas’s fingers clenched into fists. The hourglass flipped, once, twice. It was only then that Xion realized there was a sphere within it, a face stamped on it. That face was frowning, or… “You’re upset with him because of what happened with the armor.”

“Not wrong. Took you long…” Vanitas trailed off, turning his head to look at the tree. His expression was growing terse, and that hourglass started to shrink as if it was turning to sand and being sucked back into him. Knowing her mouth was hanging open, Xion nonetheless stared at it. The other Unversed was starting to dissolve as well, flowing back into him. “You wanted to ask something else, didn’t you? Make it quick.”

“How did you know I did?” Part of her suspected it, that it was just an attempt to end the conversation without outright leaving. In an instant, Vanitas had begun to care even less that she was sitting beside him. Something had crossed his mind, perhaps. That didn’t seem quite right. Still, Vanitas wasn’t actively trying to drive her off. It was almost as if he’d realized she wouldn’t go, and so he was more interested in quickly answering or dismissing her questions so that she would stop wanting to talk to him.

“Wasting my time. Ask.”

“Did he accidentally break one of the Wayfinders?”

“Yes.” A muscle was twitching in Vanitas’s cheek. The lines that had already creased his forehead were growing deeper. Without saying anything, he gathered a ball of energy into his hand and hurled it towards the water. As it sailed off, she saw it start to take an almost human form. “You have another?”

“You and Ven made them?” There was no way they hadn’t, and Xion braced herself for Vanitas’s insult. The question had been foolish, a waste of time, and so she couldn’t blame him if he called her an idiot for it. The words never came. Vanitas’s breathing seemed uneven, but somehow she knew it had nothing to do with her line of questioning. He was barely paying any attention to her.

“Yeah.” Vanitas’s voice was strained.

“Why did you make so many?”

“What else could we do? It’s not like there’s many options. Making things is a reliable way to pass the time.” Maybe it was the fact that he was so distracted that he was actually answering her. This was a good chance, but Xion wasn’t sure what else to ask. Even knowing she might not have an opportunity like this again, to hear things from Vanitas’s own lips, Xion couldn’t think of much more to say.

“But why Wayfinders?”

“They were something Ventus knew how to make. He likes making them, he never tried to make anything else.” That didn’t truly answer her question. There was something else there. Dozens and dozens of Wayfinders had covered that bed. If they were trying to fill time, surely a bigger project would have been better. And yet, what there was most of was those shells. Maybe she was asking in a way that wasn’t direct enough. But Vanitas had answered that question more clearly, Xion thought. He was paying a little more attention to her, maybe. Even so, Vanitas glanced back towards the tree again.

“Before you came here, when you weren’t fighting, what did you d-”

Without any warning, Vanitas took a fistful of his shirt, over where his heart would have been in a real body. Just as suddenly his form seemed to compress and stretch, and then it dropped into the ground where a dark shadow was starting to form. Xion barely had the time to react before that shadow was moving, rapidly traveling from the dock, bypassing the ramp on the tree and climbing the side directly. Jumping to her feet, she broke into a sprint without a thought.

Vanitas was headed to the room where Ven was. Why? Surely he wasn’t going there to do something to Roxas or Ven? If something like that happened, she had to try and stop it, she just _had_ to. Vanitas could hurt both of them, might even be able to destroy them. Even if she didn’t think he would do something like that to Ven, his expression in that moment had been almost agonized. The Vanitas that had made that face, she had no idea what he would do.

But the Vanitas who she saw in that room, the Vanitas she saw as she panted and gasped for breath, that Vanitas did nothing but look at Ven as if he was the only thing that mattered.

 

“Did he actually talk to you?”

“No, not really. He laughed at me, and said I was stupid for not being able to figure out if he and Ven liked each other or not.” Roxas let out a huff at that, and they looked at each other for a moment before snickering. Vanitas seemed like he was a mess emotionally, and it _was_ kind of funny. Then again, were they any better? Maybe the reason they couldn’t get a handle on that strange duo was their own inexperience with emotion. “Ven said they couldn’t be called friends, so I didn’t think it was a dumb question.”

“It’s not. He’s just a jerk.” Roxas drew one knee up to his chest and held on to it. “I wonder if there’s food here. I don’t think we need to eat, but…”

“It’d be nice to have ice cream.” It was wistful, and Roxas nodded. Ice cream. It had been a long time since he’d had it. But really, it hadn’t been long at all. All the time that had passed… years in a day, it felt like. Somehow, all of it seemed so distant now that it was easy to forget how recently it truly was.

“Yeah.”

“I wish Axel was here. He’d know what to say.”

“Me too. He always had a good joke…”

“We’ll see him again. I’m sure of it.” The words were so familiar, words almost like the ones Axel had spoken. They’d see Axel again. Ah, but he hoped so. Without saying anything, Roxas took Xion’s hand and squeezed it. Though he’d found Xion again, he’d lost Axel. With a pang in his chest, Roxas wondered what he would have to lose in order to get them both back. He couldn’t have them _all_ back. Axel. Hayner, Pence, Olette… But had he really ever had them in the first place? Could he ever return to that life, a life that had turned out to be nothing but a simulation, with people who didn’t truly exist? Had any of that been real, or was it gone forever? All along, he also had been a person who didn’t exist.

Roxas didn’t know if he understood what it truly meant to exist at all.

Axel was…

“Roxas, look.”

When Roxas followed the direction of Xion’s finger and looked back to the tree, he noted that the light shining once more inside of it had turned a deep red in color. He didn’t know what that meant, but even from as far away as they were he thought he could sense an immense energy pouring out from that room. Ven and Vanitas, _they_ existed. They were alive in that room, creating something between them that Roxas couldn’t understand. Reliving painful memories, perhaps.

“Something really, really terrible happened to Ven,” Roxas said quietly. Xion’s fingers tightened around his, and he sighed. Somehow, he knew what she was thinking. “Don’t get me wrong, what we went through was awful. But… Ven’s been here for years, and he has all these people who are definitely worried sick about him. It was so painful, right here in my chest, to not know where you were for just a short amount of time. And it was agonizing, to feel how Sora felt. I just can’t even imagine it, being scared for someone for ten _years_.”

“I asked Vanitas about the Wayfinders,” Xion mumbled, and Roxas could only look at her curiously. Even washed out by pale moonlight, the island and everything on it still seemed so beautiful and tranquil. Wayfinders. For some reason, Roxas wanted to call them lucky charms. “He didn’t say anything for a while, but he told me they’ve been making them for a while. He and Ven must look for shells on the beach, this specific kind… I know I _used_ to know, but I can’t remember their name.”

“I think I used to know too. Sora must know. Him, and Riku, and Kairi… I think they know basically everything about this place.” Xion nodded a little, and both of them were silent for a moment as they watched the waves wash upon the shore. An island that Sora knew so well that it was the form his heart’s deepest depths took. Was there any part of it that was a mystery to him? “But, then… the Wayfinders. Why do they make them? Why have they made so many?”

“I don’t know. Vanitas did answer, it’s that Ven likes them. But I got this feeling that it wasn’t the whole truth… It’s funny. A wayfinder. It’s something that helps you to reach the right path to get to what you’re searching for, isn’t it? If I’d been in here for so long, I think I probably would have done the same thing.”

“But we can’t leave here, can we? Wherever the right path is, none of us can reach it. I don’t think… I don’t think there’s anything beyond this island. Outside, on the real one, there’s a whole world out there and so many others. It’s nice here. Sora’s heart, it’s… welcoming, and I feel like I’m okay here weirdly enough. But we can’t leave. And I don’t think anything we make here can…”

Suddenly, Roxas remembered the words he’d spoken.

_"Sora will find what we’re looking for. I know he will.”_

“I don’t think they’re making them for themselves,” Xion said.

“Sora.”

“Yes. They’re filling up his heart with them… Maybe, so that he can find the path he needs to be on, for him, and for everyone.”

From inside that room, there was a sound almost like an explosion. Roxas whipped his head around, his mouth dropping open. There was only silence that followed it, and Xion jumped down from the tree with an expression that seemed genuinely afraid. It was dark again, whatever light Vanitas had again been creating gone completely. Before either of them could act, another sound reached them – the sound of laughter. Ven’s laughter, almost hysterical.

After a few seconds, a dark splotch raced down the tree, a moving shadow on the trunk. Immediately, he knew – even before it returned to its true form, he knew that it was Vanitas. He was a Heartless. He _had_ to be a Heartless. Roxas had only ever seen a Heartless do what Vanitas had just done. Scowling, Vanitas kicked the sand with bare feet.

Even with his washed-out features, Roxas could tell he was bright red.

His shirt was missing, leaving only the strangely-ribbed black sleeveless turtleneck that he wore beneath it. Now that it was on display Roxas could see that there was a design on it that looked like strangely twisted, intersecting lines, in a vivid red that seemed to stand out even in the moonlight.

Glancing around, Vanitas’s eyes found his and seemed to lock on to him. Whatever had just happened, Vanitas was…

Embarrassed?

He looked at both of them, his expression darkening, before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. Vanitas melted into the ground again, and the shadow he became made its way across the beach. It paused at the base of the platform for a moment, moving in a tight circle as if Vanitas couldn’t decide whether or not to emerge. Finally it vanished entirely, and Roxas knew that was because it was climbing up the side. It appeared again on the surface, moving almost reluctantly. Roxas had no idea how he was doing it, but Vanitas was clearly able to melt into the ground and exist only as a shadow. A puddle of darkness.

Vanitas was a puddle of darkness, and from it only the top of his head emerged. Nothing below his eyes, piercing yellow, lifted up out of that darkness.

“D’you,” Roxas started, feeling stupid when his voice cracked, “Do you want us to come down, or…”

Vanitas’s eyebrows drew together, and then the rest of his body lifted up out of the shadow.

“Don’t be an idiot,” he said, but it was clear that he didn’t want to be where he was. Roxas thought it was probably a bad idea to push on that, because Vanitas had decided he would stand where he was standing and that was all there was to it. “This is fine. Ventus wants me to talk to you. I think _he’s_ an idiot too.”

“He does?” Both of them were surprised by that, but Xion was the one who spoke. It didn’t seem like Vanitas was happy about the request, but he was honoring it nonetheless. Roxas knew it hadn’t been a fluke, what he had seen earlier. The Unversed that Vanitas had formed were there for Ven’s sake.

“He’s unbelievable.” Vanitas leaned against the trunk of a coconut tree, not looking at the paopu tree at all. There was definitely something there, some hideous memory or a terrible feeling. Being left to disappear… Had Vanitas been there? “You asked him about his past. Our past.”

“I… no? But, I asked him something that he couldn’t answer without telling me, I guess.”

“He’s weak.” It made Roxas angry to hear the words, a confirmation of what Ven had said Vanitas thought. Vanitas held a hand up to keep either of them from speaking. He was so dismissive that it should have been infuriating, but there was something in his expression that made Roxas feel fine with not saying a word. It wasn’t that he felt threatened, rather that he wanted to hear whatever Vanitas would say. “I’m not saying that to make fun of him. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll insult him as much as I want. Right now I’m saying it for a reason: Ventus is weak because he’s injured. He shattered our hearts, and then… I heal quickly, always have. He does not.”

The words made Roxas feel awful. Had his question ripped open a wound?

“Is… is he okay?”

“He’ll sleep. I don’t know how long. Less than a day. He’s recovered pretty well, but it’s been a while since he held such strong negative feelings. When he’s lost or scared or angry, it gets in the way with how he’s healing from… either way, he’s probably dropped like a stupid rock by now. I tried to take some of it, but that’s never worked.” Vanitas crossed his arms over his chest, looking… strained. Take some of it? What did that mean? The look on Vanitas’s face was terrible to see. “He misses his brother.”

“Terra is his brother.” It wasn’t a question, just a request for confirmation. Vanitas’s nostrils flared briefly, but he nodded.

“Ventus hasn’t ever admitted it, but it’s still true whether he says it or not. Four years he spent at Terra’s side. He sees him as a brother, admires him, looks up to him. Was protected by him. I used that against him, against both of them. He told you, didn’t he? How the darkness born from his heart took everything from him.” Xion knew nothing about this, and so she fell silent. All she could do was listen, and try to piece things together from what they said. He’d have to fill her in later, if Vanitas didn’t do it in that moment. Ven… Roxas didn’t think it was right to ask Ven again.

“No. He told me Xehanort hurt you.” Vanitas’s eyes changed at the name. Something awful was in them now, a horrible thing. The feeling of pressure was back, of Vanitas becoming a void that would swallow everything. Was that what happened when Vanitas was angry?

“He hurt Ventus when he split us, not me.”

“But… Didn’t it hurt being split up?”

“Yes. You’ll never, ever be able to understand the pain of having your heart rent in two. It was a crime against existence itself.” Vanitas laughed, a hollow sound. Vanitas himself felt hollow, sometimes. A hollow vortex of emotion. “Once, it made me proud to know that the natural order had been broken to create me. Where I wasn’t, suddenly I was. And now I’m here, and he’s here. Xehanort didn’t hurt me back then, because I didn’t exist until that moment. At that time, he hurt Ventus. And then we hurt Ventus, and Ventus’s family, together.”

Something felt… bad. Not just the words.

Ven’s family.

“Vanitas, what happened to Terra?”

The leaves of the trees around them were starting to move, pulled towards Vanitas. Whatever was circling around him wasn’t quite strong enough to rip them from the trunks, but they were shivering and straining. Vanitas looked up at them with some annoyance, and the pull vanished. Though it leaked off of him, it seemed that whatever energy Vanitas created was under his control if he paid attention to it.

“In here, we’re just hearts and energy. As a person, that,” Vanitas pointed up at the tree, clearly indicating that what he meant was the sudden vortex of power, “Would never have happened. I’m not hampered by my body, and this place is more fluid than the real world. It responds to my emotions, my strength. You have _no idea_ how strong I am in here, it’s almost funny. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could destroy this place. This heart, I could destroy it. I could destroy both of your hearts as well, and it would be so, so simple. A while back, I probably would have done it. Nah, I definitely would have. For fun. Ah, it’s foul.”

Xion opened her mouth to speak, and Vanitas pointed at her as if to silence her before she could say a word.

“Ventus is incompetent, so he can’t confirm it beyond his own gut instinct, his faith. I’m not incompetent, so I know. You wouldn’t be able to exist here if you had no hearts. You,” now Vanitas was pointing at him, and Roxas felt a stab of nervousness, “You’re complete, a whole heart. Weak, definitely tired, but basically whole. Ventus’s heart likely kickstarted your growth, that’d be just like him. You,” back to Xion, “Are not whole. You’ll get it together, probably soon.”

“Then, you’re?” Roxas knew what Xion’s actual question was. Was Vanitas whole, or was he incomplete? Roxas had already known that Vanitas had a heart, because Ven told him he had been born with half of one. But in what state was that heart?

“Defective.” Vanitas said it with a genuine smile, with pride, and Roxas didn’t know how to feel at all.

“… what?”

“Maybe I’ll tell you some other time. Since both of you probably aren’t smart enough even together to figure it out on your own.” Though he was happy until that moment, pleased with himself, suddenly his expression turned dark. “Don’t ask Ventus about Terra again, not now. He’s not well enough. And don’t come into our room. By now, Ventus is sleeping. He might even sleep until morning. Don’t bother us. See you later.”

A puddle of darkness formed beneath him, and Vanitas was gone.

Defective?

“Roxas…”

Roxas looked at Xion for a long moment. The exasperated look on her face told him they were thinking the same thing. Vanitas had gone to their room. Ven was asleep. They were forbidden from entering.

“… Now what?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello gang, a shorter chapter this time around. It seems like the beginning chapter's of Ven's narrative are way shorter than I remembered, but they do eventually become meatier. Anyway, brevity aside I hope you enjoy this one.

The place that he woke wasn’t where he had fallen. As Ven rubbed his eyes with unfortunately sand-dusted hands, he caught sight of the remnants of the earlier scuffle. Most of them had vanished, the beach washed smooth again by the waves. He was much further up that beach than he remembered, a smooth line traveling directly between him and the place he’d first fallen asleep. His clothes and shoes were full of sand, itchy against his body. It was in his hair too, and crusted on his bare skin. He’d have to pull his boots off and empty them out.

“What in the…”

As he glanced around, Ven regrettably laid eyes upon Vanitas.

The other boy had settled on the dock, one knee raised so that he could rest his arm against it. He was staring off at the sea, looking faintly annoyed. Still, just seeing him made Ventus want to lie back down and pretend to still be asleep. Before he could even consider acting on that sudden desire, Vanitas’s head had turned toward him.

Neither of them spoke. Vanitas’s expression was flat beyond that hint of irritation. All of the fury that had been on his face the earlier… day? There was no way it had been simply one day. The fact that the sun was high in the sky rather than being closer to dusk meant he’d just slept for an entire day at least. For all Ven knew, it had been a week. Either way, Vanitas’s rage was gone and Ven had no idea why.

Still silent, Vanitas looked back out to the water. Vanitas ignoring him should have been good, but it wasn’t something as active as being ignored. What Vanitas had just done was dismissive, and Ventus found himself scowling.

“I’m not worth paying attention to, huh?”

“Eager for a fight, Ventus?” Vanitas didn’t care about his presence at all, his voice completely deadpan. It was as if he was feeling nothing, had no interest in even speaking. It was more “normal”, aligned better to the Vanitas he remembered, but that only served to make him more uneasy. There were too many faces, too many demeanors, too many emotions. Flippant, sarcastic, but also manic, crazed, furious, and…

For just a moment, at that time, Vanitas had been afraid.

“What’s the point? You can’t hurt me.”

“Seems right.” Something about Vanitas’s gaze was unsettling, even more than it had been before. Ven felt he was staring down a tunnel, with no exit in sight. Vanitas’s stare was empty. It was like no one was there at all.

“So what are you going to do?” Vanitas didn’t reply, just looking to the sea. Ventus hadn’t spoken particularly quietly, but Vanitas made no move to answer. He hadn’t even reacted, as if he hadn’t…

Something was wrong.

“Vanitas? Are you even listening? I know you’re mad but this is just stupid.”

Vanitas wasn’t ignoring him, nor was this him being dismissed again. What was Vanitas so fixated on that he hadn’t noticed that Ven had asked him a question? With his mouth dry and his stomach starting to churn, Ven directed his gaze to the ocean as well.

There was nothing there, as far as he could see.

Squinting, he raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun. It wasn’t something Ven really needed to do – though it was a beautiful, sunny day, the reflected light wasn’t strong enough to actually make it hard to see. The only thing before him was a vast stretch of ocean and sky.

“… Vanitas?”

Again, there was no response. Swallowing nervously, Ventus got to his feet. Though he glanced around the beach, there wasn’t much there. Sand, a few seashells. Throwing one of them at Vanitas to get his attention, that seemed like a bad idea. Approaching him also seemed like a bad idea. Still, Ven couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong. But it wasn’t something to do with the heart they were resting within. What was wrong was Vanitas himself.

“Hello?” Vanitas was real, wasn’t he? He wasn’t a hallucination that his mind had stopped producing correctly. Vanitas had hurt him with those Unversed, he was real. The negativity that chased after him was something Ventus had felt, it existed. “ _Vanitas_.”

This time, to Ven’s growing concern, Vanitas reacted. His shoulders jerked, as if the words Ven had spoken had finally reached him. That only cemented it in his mind. They hadn’t been reaching him before. A cloud of blackness was flooding the beach, emerging from within bushes, trees, the shack. It flooded the beach, and funneled back into Vanitas.

Alarm bells were ringing in his mind, making Ven take a step backward as Vanitas turned to him with a startled expression. Vanitas himself was standing, and he too moved away. The boy that had helped ruin his life, what was happening to him? It wasn’t normal, couldn’t be okay. But the thought emerging in his mind made his hands and feet feel cold. It wasn’t normal for anyone he’d ever known, it wasn’t something that happened, people didn’t do that.

Was it normal for Vanitas?

Vanitas said nothing, but the look that had been ever-so-briefly on his face cut deep. It had no right to do so. The look on his face had been… ashamed, and nervous. As if he was expecting something awful.

“What… just happened to you?”

“Nothing,” Vanitas snapped, and his entire demeanor had changed again. His eyes no longer felt empty, his voice held emotion. And for a moment, as that energy had returned to him, he’d been afraid. “Go away.”

“… No, I won’t. Something’s, something’s not right.”

““Something’s not right,” you say. Of course something’s not right. _Nothing’s_ right! Everything’s gone wrong, this isn’t what was supposed to happen.”

“I don’t mean that! With _you_ , something just happened!”

“I said it was nothing.” An Unversed was forming, then another, and another. They were pouring from his back, so many that they crowded the dock and threatened to topple from it into the shallow water. Vanitas was churning them out one by one, a swarm of Hareraisers and Blue Sea Salt.

Now, the disconcerting hollowness was back… because Vanitas had pushed his emotions out.

“What are you _doing?_ D… don’t, stop it.” Vanitas was forcing them out, creating vessels for parts of himself and shoving it all inside. This was what the Unversed had been from the start, Vanitas taking bits and pieces of his own being and forcing them from his body, from his heart. Crafting bodies from his energy, filling them with what he felt and leaving himself empty. That was why Vanitas hadn’t heard him. Not all of him had been there to listen. “Vanitas, why are you doing that?”

“I’ll do as I please. Still so stupid, maybe you’ll never figure anything out on your own. Who are you to tell me what to do, Ventus?”

His body seemed to warp, compress, stretch vertically, and then drop into the dock. He’d become a shadow on it, traveling down the length of it before climbing the ledge and speeding across the path. Completely silently, Vanitas continued up the side of the shack from there, over it onto the platform, and though Ventus began to chase after it that shadow was soon completely out of sight.

Vanitas had left. Vanitas no longer cared. The Unversed remained, milling about on the dock, making no move to follow their creator, their owner. He’d left them behind, his feelings. He’d forced them out, and rejected them.

That had been what Vanitas had been doing all along.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody, this is the end of daily updates! The next chapter will be on Wednesday. Hope you enjoy!

For what must have been hours, they simply circled the island together. It was too dark to enter certain areas – the cave in the cove, the hollows high in the walls, the secret place by the foot of the tree. He didn’t want to go there. Roxas took his shoes off, walked along the wet sand. Xion, delighted, brought a coconut to him and they began to take turns trying to get it open. Food existed here it seemed, but could they eat it?

The inside of the coconut was unbelievably hard, contained in a mess of some sort of spongy but dry layer. He’d thought it would be simple, a good tap against a solid object. Instead, it was a puzzle. How much force did they need to break it? Roxas didn’t want to use his full strength. They’d get nothing from that but a big mess.

“Maybe we need a sharp rock?” Xion rolled the fruit – was a coconut a fruit? Roxas thought so – around on the sand. He let out a huff of air, taking it from her and tossing it up and down in his hand. It was heavy, since there was liquid inside. There was liquid, and some sort of fruit flesh. How did they get it open? Sora definitely knew, but it wasn’t as if they could just pop out and ask.

“Where are we gonna get a sharp rock? The only ones here are huge, we’d just smash it to pieces.” Again, Roxas slammed the coconut against the rock – huge, of course – before him. He wondered if it wasn’t fully ripened, if that was why they were having so much difficulty. But the yellow ones were the ones that weren’t ripe yet, weren’t they?

“If we had a Keyblade it would probably be easy,” Xion sighed, bending over and placing her hands on her knees as she watched him. With a frown, Roxas smacked the coconut again uselessly. It was frustrating. How was a coconut so hard to figure out? It probably didn’t help that all they had was moonlight overhead. “I could just tap it, probably… Do you think Ven has a Keyblade?”

“I’m pretty sure he does.But it’s not like we can just go ask. Vanitas would probably kill us if we went up there.” He couldn’t use a Keyblade inside of Sora’s heart, nor could Xion. He didn’t know if that was because those Keyblades truly belonged to Sora. Ven was certainly a Keyblade wielder, but Roxas wasn’t sure if Ven could summon one in this form. His heart was damaged, on top of that.

But maybe there was just no way to wield a Keyblade once in the deepest part of a heart.

“I don’t think he’d _kill_ us, but he’d definitely be pretty angry. He’s trying really hard to keep Ven calm.”

“What makes you think that?” She was right, though he wasn’t sure how they both knew it. Sighing, he tossed the coconut back to Xion. She squeezed it uselessly, as if trying to just shove her thumbs through the thick shell. They were making no progress. Ven definitely knew how to open a coconut, but even if he’d been around to ask Roxas thought he’d probably have been too embarrassed to approach him. They’d spent too much time trying to wrestle it open to turn to another for assistance. “I mean… you’re right, he definitely is. That’s why I think he’d hurt us if he thought he needed to, he’s really… defensive. But why do you think that, did he say something?”

“When I was talking to him earlier, he kept looking up at the tree house. He was getting more and more distracted the more I talked to him, which might be why he actually started answering me.” Xion threw the coconut up into the air, and caught it with both hands. They were just going in circles now with it. “Then he sort of… focused again, and then he got really… his face was, Roxas it was _awful_. And he just melted into the ground the way he did earlier and went straight for Ven. I thought he was going to do something, maybe something terrible, so I ran. But he was much, much faster than me.”

“He took a shortcut right up the trunk,” Roxas said dully, holding his hand out to ask for the useless fruit again. It was exactly the way it had been when he’d given it to Xion. A coconut that he couldn’t get open. “Was his face that scary?”

“It wasn’t _scary_ so much as… I don’t know. I don’t think I really get it. All I can tell is that he was really, really upset. It was like he was in pain.”

“ _Ven_ was upset,” Roxas mumbled, feeling his cheeks flush with shame. He’d upset Ven, or at least encouraged him to recount events that had to have just been… awful, like the face that Xion had seen. He stood, looking at the coconut that was trying to become the bane of his existence. Would Axel know how to open a coconut? Probably not. Axel knew a lot of things, but a coconut seemed like it was beyond all of them. Stupid thing. Even if Axel knew… He could no longer ask. “I wonder if he knew. But how would he have known?”

A disgusting feeling had coiled in his stomach. He wanted to see Axel. He couldn’t. Axel was…

“I wonder… I think maybe he was sensing it.” Vanitas was trying to keep Ven calm so that his emotions wouldn’t affect him. Was that it? Preventing Ven’s feelings from inconveniencing him?

Without replying to that, Roxas wound up and hurled the coconut at the smooth rock wall that lined the cove. It slammed against that rock… and immediately ricocheted back at him. For a split second, Roxas thought he probably had been asking for it. Memories flashed before his eyes – sitting on the clock tower with Axel and Xion, then with Hayner, Pence, and Olette. Standing before Naminé and hearing her gentle voice. Sora, floating unconscious in a pod. The taste of ice cream. His life, playing rapidly in his head. Then a coconut was knocking the wind out of him, and all he could do was clutch at his stomach and offer thanks that it _was_ his stomach that the coconut had hit.

If it had hit him a few inches lower, Roxas thought he might have been dead. He didn’t know if he could die inside of Sora’s heart, but he would have been as good as dead. Xion would have seen him writhing on the ground like an idiot and he would have died.

Beside him, Xion burst into laughter nonetheless. It could have been so much worse than it was. The blow hadn’t even hurt him, just knocked him back and seriously embarrassed him. It didn’t hurt, and Xion was laughing uncontrollably at his stupidity. Roxas had to admit that getting nailed by a coconut was probably worth it for that.

“A-are, haa, Roxas, are you,” Xion managed, before covering her face to try and fail to hold back the peal of laughter that escaped her. All she succeeded in doing was muffling it, and Roxas ran his hands through his hair as he tried to recover emotionally. “You’re okay, right?”

“My body is,” Roxas mumbled, straightening again and brushing at his clothes. He didn’t think they could feel physical pain in here, not after the complete lack of it in that moment. “Not sure about the rest of me. Hey, don’t tell Ven or Vanitas about that, I’ll never live it down.”

“Vanitas would probably make fun of you for the rest of your life, so I won’t say a word.”

“Thank you.” Roxas bent to pick it up again, the thing that definitely was the bane of his existence now. As he did so, he felt something. A tension in the air. It didn’t feel like Vanitas, so at the very least he was safe from being embarrassed again. But that quick moment of relief vanished immediately. Xion looked at him in alarm, and when she reached out and put her hand on his shoulder he knew she felt it as well.

The sky was already dark, the middle of the night. But the moonlight was growing dim, and when Roxas looked up it was to see clouds that quickly moved in. The wind was picking up, pulling at their clothes. A storm, though it didn’t seem that rain would fall.

“Something’s happening,” Xion said immediately, and her fingers dug into him as he stood. She was right. Something was happening outside, to Sora. It had only been a few hours, but what was happening now? Sora had found Riku and Kairi, and they had won… hadn’t they? There were still members of the Organization left, but he was sure Sora had defeated all of…

Xemnas.

Had Sora defeated Xemnas?

“You two.” Vanitas was behind them, completely unable to be detected until he spoke. They both jumped, Xion squeezing his shoulder again. It didn’t hurt, but… “Let’s go.”

When he looked to Vanitas, Roxas realized with some alarm that he had Ven gathered up in his arms. The other boy was asleep, or… had been. He could barely see him, not until Vanitas’s body lit up with a soft yellow light. It was soothing, unbelievably so, to know that no matter how dark it was there was a source of illumination. Ven’s arms were wound around Vanitas’s neck, and he pressed his forehead against his cheek before seemingly remembering they were no longer alone in Sora’s heart. Blearily, he looked at them – him, Xion, and then…

“Vanitas? What’s happening?”

“Go back to sleep. It’s fine.”

“Is Sora-” Ven’s eyes widened, and Vanitas shifted him in his arms, almost tossing him up to resettle his weight. The wind was whipping at them all now, Xion’s hair flying around her face. Something was wrong with Sora. Ven’s arms tightened around Vanitas, clinging to him. “ _Vanitas!?_ ”

“It’s not the same. It’ s _not._ You two idiots!” Roxas realized he was standing there with his mouth open, and he snapped to attention immediately. Whatever was happening, Vanitas had a plan for it. Even then, Vanitas looked… “Get to the shack. Close the door. We’ll be there.”

Without giving them a chance to respond, the pair blinked out of existence. He didn’t have a second to process it before Xion was taking off running, and all Roxas could do was snatch up his boots and tear off after her. Sora was fighting, he thought. No, he was certain of it. Xion had said it had happened before, definitely when he had fought Sora. Emotional unrest, turmoil even. The rush that came with fighting to survive – that was what was swirling inside of Sora’s heart.

The wind was tearing at him by the time they made it to the shack. He slammed the door behind them and leaned against it, before actually looking around. Shelves lined the walls, shelves that hadn’t existed before. Rope, shells, and…

Next to the stairs, Vanitas was sitting still. The light he was letting off was faint, the orange of twilight or a candle’s flame. Roxas didn’t know how Vanitas did it – how he could create that swirling aura of light, when he had called himself a being of darkness. Abruptly, Roxas wondered if it was draining for Vanitas to serve as a nightlight. But he didn’t seem affected by it, not at all.

Vanitas was cradling Ven, chest to chest, his arms curled around the other boy. Ven’s arms, likewise, were still around Vanitas’s neck. Immediately though, he half-turned, one arm around Vanitas, his other hand resting on his shoulder. Ven was awake now, tired but alert. He seemed a little embarrassed, probably feeling awkward about being seen in such a strange state.

“Sit,” Vanitas said, and Roxas sat without even thinking about it. Xion knelt next to him just as automatically, and Ven laughed a little at them. Still, they seemed worried. Outside, Roxas could hear the wind tearing at the side of the shack, trees creaking under its force. “Sora’s fighting.”

“Yeah.” In the dead of night, Sora was fighting.

“Do you know who he’s fighting?”

“Probably… the superior. Xemnas.” The name clearly meant nothing to either Ven or Vanitas. Roxas crossed his legs, the way that Axel had always said was “you know, like a pretzel”. He didn’t know what a pretzel was, but had never managed to ask. He’d never get the chance to ask Axel, not anymore. “He’s a Nobody, the leader of Organization XIII. He was our leader, before we defected.”

“You defected?” Ven was curious about that, and as Roxas watched his hand slid from Vanitas’s shoulder to his chest. Though Vanitas’s expression didn’t change, his cheeks seemed to redden and for a moment Roxas thought he might slap Ven’s hand away. For a split second the two exchanged a glance that seemed to speak words that Roxas and Xion couldn’t hear. Easily, Ven climbed out of Vanitas’s lap and pulled his legs up to his chest. He still looked tired, exhausted even, but his eyes were open.

“Yeah. They were using us, to… I don’t know exactly what their plan was. But they were using us. Me and Xion both, for our Keyblades.” Vanitas grunted at that, his eyebrows drawn together as he took in the words. Roxas thought back to Ven’s words. They’d been used for a Keyblade too, hadn’t they? A catastrophically powerful Keyblade capable of unimaginable destruction. “We left, and Xion… Well, they came after me. Then they came after Sora. He’s defeated a lot of them. I think, right now, he’s fighting our leader.”

“Then… he’s strong?”

“I think so. He was the leader for a reason.”

“Sora will be fine,” Xion said calmly, and Roxas found himself nodding. Neither Ven nor Vanitas seemed as certain. From the look in Vanitas’s eyes Roxas realized that despite how collected he appeared, Vanitas was worried deep down. _Immensely_ worried. “I know he will. He’s stronger than anyone.”

Ven leaned over a little, cupping his hand to Vanitas’s cheek to whisper something directly in his ear. It made the other boy flinch, his shoulders squaring. Whatever it was, Vanitas hadn’t wanted to hear it. Without saying anything, he raised one knee to rest his arm against and leaned into it.

“We’ve seen worse,” Ven said finally. Roxas wasn’t sure if Ven meant within Sora’s heart or not, and he didn’t know how to ask. Something slammed against the side of the shack, some kind of debris. Immediately Ven’s hand latched on to one of Vanitas’s, his grip so tight that his knuckles were turning white. Vanitas’s eyes locked on the door behind them, and the cloud of energy around him flickered in color. He held his free hand out, and a mass of dark energy circled it. It dropped to the ground like a lead weight when he turned his palm downward, that black mass splitting in half as it hit.

“Go!”

It wasn’t directed at them, but rather the two dark spots on the floor of the shack. They shot off towards either door, and Roxas could feel the sheer power of them as one sped past him. He had no idea what the Unversed Vanitas had just created would look like, because it disappeared beneath the door before taking its form.

Ven sighed, pressing the heel of one hand against his eye.

“Doors are sealed until this ends,” Vanitas said flatly, but then the corners of his lips turned up so slightly that Roxas wasn’t sure if he was imagining it. “Hope you didn’t need that coconut.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone it's time for a chapter. I'd say "welcome to hell" but I feel like hell started a while back.

Ven wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d seen Vanitas last. There was no way of telling how long he slept, days or weeks. There was no way of telling how long it had been since they’d come to this place. The more happened, the less he felt he understood. Wherever Vanitas was going was a mystery, some hidden place that he’d yet to stumble upon. He stuck to the beach area himself, retreating to the shack when exhaustion came upon him. It happened so quickly that he was simply reluctant to stray far from that shack. At the very least it meant having a roof over his head, though the “floor” of it was, of course, just the ground covered in sand. Vanitas probably spent most of his time somewhere on the other half of the island. It was like they’d drawn a line down the middle and chosen sides. But when Ven cracked the door of the shack and peered out of it into the light of day, it was to see Vanitas standing on the bridge that led to that raised platform with the bent tree.

He was surrounded by Unversed, a swarm of Blue Sea Salt and Axe Flappers. Motionless, Vanitas was staring at that man-made island. His expression couldn’t be seen, but Ventus could feel something spilling from the bridge and all the Unversed that hovered above it. The discomfort growing within him made him want to back up into the shack once more and hunker down there where Vanitas’s feelings couldn’t reach him. He didn’t know what to do, his chest feeling empty but for the accelerating beat of his heart.

What had Vanitas pushed out? How would it hurt him? Though he didn’t understand, though it didn’t seem quite logical or justified, Ven needed to stay away. That was the feeling he got, a shivering, pathetic nervousness and fear that he knew was irrational but he nonetheless couldn’t stop.

Vanitas’s emotions, they were… scary.

Vanitas’s shoulders were tense as he looked straight ahead, and another Unversed started to form in the air around him. Another Axe Flapper. Forcing more out. It was certainly the case, because Vanitas had relaxed as soon as the creature had taken solid shape. Ventus wanted to shout at him, to tell him to knock it off. What Vanitas was doing, wasn’t it wrong? Just rejecting his emotions was wrong, sick even. Vanitas was wrong to do it and became wrong when he did it, looking and feeling so empty, radiating an unnatural hollowness.

Though he wanted to speak, Ven remained silent in a sea of anxiety and discontent as Vanitas strode calmly across the bridge. He just didn’t care anymore, whatever hesitation he’d been feeling shoved out unceremoniously. Pushing them out, Vanitas had become something less than a whole being. Vanitas didn’t want to be on that island. Maybe he shared it, the baseless unease that Ven himself felt at the thought of crossing that bridge. A strange sense that made him want to stay away, was Vanitas feeling and rejecting it?

Frozen in place once more, his body growing rigid, Vanitas stood in front of that crooked tree with one hand outstretched. He hadn’t touched it, was simply hovering his palm over it. It was like he could no longer move, like the awful feeling that lingered in that place was halting him in his tracks.

After an agonizingly long second Vanitas grabbed at his heart, took two unsteady steps back. A massive black cloud was lifting from him, and what thudded heavily next to him in a cloud of sand was a Blobmob. Vanitas’s back hit it, and the Unversed raised two tentacles to catch him. All of the other Unversed Vanitas had made were dissolving, flowing back into him in black streams.

To Ven’s horror, rather than simply bouncing off the thing Vanitas instead sank into it. Clutching at his head, Vanitas was absorbed into the mantle of the Unversed he had made. He drew his legs to his chest, curling up into a ball as his creation turned and began to carry him back across the bridge. Now, though it was frightening and he wanted to simply run, Ventus opened his mouth.

“Vanitas, quit it!”

Vanitas’s closed eyes snapped open. For a moment, there was a haunting alarm in them. But then Vanitas’s gaze focused, landed on him, and the inside of the Blobmob was filling with blackened energy. It clouded the entirety of it, completely hiding Vanitas. The haze didn’t clear even as Unversed began to spill out from the inside, Hareraisers tumbling off the bridge and shivering on the sand.

“Just stop it already, stop doing that!”

“You don’t control me.” Vanitas’s voice wasn’t muffled enough to hide the fact that it had turned apathetic once more. Finally, Ven could make out the shape of Vanitas once more. His posture had loosened, though he was making no move to emerge from within that Unversed. “And you don’t give me orders.”

Vanitas was wearing his mask, in its entirety.

The Hareraisers on the beach were clustering together, at least a dozen of them trembling. They made no move to attack, instead hopping behind each other in a constant shuffling. Ven couldn’t tell why, what Vanitas had put into them. They were all moving backwards only because they were all trying to… hide, behind one another.

“You… what’s wrong with you? Why are you doing that? Feelings are supposed to stay inside you!” Vanitas just getting rid of whatever emotions he didn’t want, it was twisted. It made him ill. It made _Vanitas_ ill, his behavior stilted and unnatural. Ventus clenched his fingers, bracing himself to yell. “You can’t do that!”

“What’s your alternative, Ventus?” He’d almost expected Vanitas to spit his name out, but his voice was flat and unfeeling. Unsettling. It was so unsettling, it made his stomach churn, it made his mouth dry. He was dizzy, his heart hammering in his chest.

“I-I…” With his head starting to feel heavy, Ven took a step back. Alternative? It wasn’t that complicated. Either Vanitas kept his emotions or he rejected them, and rejecting them was horrible. “Al… alternative to what? Just keep them, that’s, they’re meant to be… What are you saying?”

“Emotions, they’re no good. All they bring is suffering, foolishness. They cloud the mind. Once I release them, I…”

Ven couldn’t understand Vanitas’s words. They sounded like they were coming from so far away, his mind was spinning. Something was wrong with him, fatigue draping over his being. Both of them were wrong now, and Ven didn’t have the slightest idea of what it was. He felt faint, his vision blurring.

If Vanitas hadn’t approached that tree, it would have been okay. It was what he had ejected his emotions to do, because the same feeling that kept Ven away also raged within Vanitas’s heart. A place neither of them should touch. Vanitas wouldn’t have gotten rid of his feelings if he hadn’t decided to go near it. That tree, with its trunk bent in a slope that was almost entirely horizontal… Vanitas shouldn’t have done it, should have stayed away.

Ventus didn’t think he was afraid of it, but it filled him with an awful, aching feeling of loss.

“… so what would you rather have me do? Hold on to something that does something so awful to me? Even with how it warps my reality and dictates my actions? Is that what you’d prefer?” Ven shook his head quickly, hoping to clear away the fuzz that had started to take over it. He’d missed some of what Vanitas had said to him, but was finally starting to process the words again. Holding on to his emotions, that was what Vanitas was supposed to do.

“It’s, it’s not about what I want. It’s not right, what you’re… getting rid of your feelings isn’t healthy! Without them you’re just… _nothing_ inside. You act weird, it’s like you stop being a person!”

“You want me to stop making Unversed.”

“Yeah, I do!”

Vanitas paused, not hesitating but considering. Would he? At least the ones he made on purpose, he could keep inside. After a long moment of thought, Vanitas offered a disconcerting reply.

“I’ll humor you, I guess. Make no mistake though, Ventus. Sooner or later, you’re going to regret it.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After starting a quick count of how many chapters this story has, I've decided to post thrice weekly in the hopes of getting the whole story out at a not-overwhelming pace before KH3 comes out. Whenever that may be. Anyway this chapter's a rough one, sorry Grace I love you.

It was less than half an hour before the storm ended. During that time, all he did was haltingly explain it with Xion – the Organization, what it had given to them, and what it had taken from them.

“The whole idea was to make Kingdom Hearts. But Ven, you said it already exists. I wonder if it was all pointless, everything that we did. Collecting all of those hearts, what was the point? What was Xemnas actually making?”

“There’s a true Kingdom Hearts,” Vanitas said dully. He wound an arm around Ven’s shoulders, and Ven took hold of his wrist almost casually. A true Kingdom Hearts. Roxas didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. “The heart of all worlds. I don’t know what exists within it, besides a legendary light that would drive all who bore witness to it to fight for possession of it. Imitations can exist I guess, if you cram enough hearts together. That’s what you and your Organization were making with all those hearts. An imitation. Powerful, sure. If you wad up hundreds of thousands of hearts, of course what you’ll create is a force of immense power. But it’s not the same thing. I’d argue you couldn’t even call it Kingdom Hearts. Just a paltry attempt to recreate its light. A stupid one, too. There’s more to hearts than light.”

“Why did your leader want to make Kingdom Hearts, Roxas?” Ven looked so tired. Roxas wouldn’t have been surprised if he simply leaned into Vanitas and fell asleep again. They’d rambled through it, Roxas thought. They had and hadn’t stated the goal. Kingdom Hearts was for…

“Zexion told me it would complete us. Give us hearts again.”

Ven didn’t say anything, merely furrowed his brow. After a few seconds of thought, he glanced at Vanitas, who shook his head.

“It’s possible. The power of the true Kingdom Hearts, that’s something that can’t be measured. But it doesn’t add up. An imitation may not hold that power, but if your group was trying to obtain hearts once more there are easier ways. What happened to you two is standard. Given enough time, anything running around and making contact with hearts seems to end up with one of their own. If you’d all just waited, you’d have become whole in that way eventually. You wouldn’t have your original hearts, sure, but you’d have hearts again. Probably, your boss had some ulterior motive, or he was being jerked around himself.” Something seemed to occur to Vanitas in that moment, and Roxas wasn’t sure what it was. But he didn’t say anything about it, merely continued onto what was surely another line of thought. “I’m spitballing, but it seems to me from what happened with Roxas that a Nobody can merge with their original heart again. That would be easier. Find your missing heart directly. There’s no way that didn’t occur to your leader, if he was smart enough to _become_ your leader. If a Nobody is made from someone who became a Heartless, it’s that simple.”

Vanitas paused after that, bringing the hand that Ven wasn’t holding onto up to his mouth. Thinking. Roxas wished he knew what Vanitas was thinking about, but he also was afraid to know. There was so much happening. They’d been lied to? That wasn’t much of a surprise. It felt like everyone had lied to him, even… even Axel.

“But can someone just put a Heartless and a Nobody back together and create a whole person again?” Xion’s question was a good one, and everyone frowned in response to it. If the process of becoming a Heartless was what made a Nobody, it seemed like the two had to remain separate. “It seems like they can’t exist as one being, or else becoming a Heartless wouldn’t make a Nobody at all.”

“That’s fair,” Vanitas said finally, the lines on his forehead growing more distinct. “Sora’s heart was purified, returned to normal. I don’t know how, but that means there’s a way for it to happen. Not sure how often it does. I’ve never heard of anything like that happening before, but clearly it can. If you’re able to find and purify your Heartless, maybe. But if you’ve already got pieces of a new heart, then what? The incomplete one gets folded in and its memories incorporated? Tch. I need more information.”

Purifying a heart. Was that what a Keyblade did?

“But how would you be able to find your heart if you don’t remember who you used to be?” Ven had a point. He didn’t remember being Sora, and many of the other members had no memories of their pasts. Searching for a missing heart without knowing their own identities, it seemed like a lost cause. But Vanitas was right. No one had ever even suggested it as a possibility, but once Vanitas had said it the idea seemed so obvious. He didn’t remember who he’d once been, but…

“Axel did,” Roxas said quietly. He’d avoided it, avoided talking about Axel. It hurt too much, but he couldn’t keep his feelings hidden any longer. It was tearing into him. Xion took his hand, and held it tight as the words finally exploded from his mouth, framed by tears. Words she’d known, a feeling she’d shared. “I miss Axel!”

Axel was                                                                                 Axel was

Axel was dead.

How could he tell them? How could he tell Xion what he had seen, what he’d tried to push out of his mind? He’d managed it until that moment, to drown it in his denial. He’d managed to not think of the scene that had played out. Through Sora’s eyes, in a triumphant final blaze of fire that had burned itself out in seconds, the thing that had woken him from his slumber had been…

“Roxas, we’ll see him aga-”

“Xion, Axel’s _gone_ _!_ ”

Xion froze, and after a few horrible seconds of silence her face twisted up in agony. “… What?”

Rough, shuddering breaths were rocking his body. Roxas pressed his hands over his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold it in. Xion believed him. She didn’t want to, just as he didn’t want to. But she believed him.

“He’s gone! He disappeared, I _saw_ it. With Sora, he… I-it was,” now he couldn’t breathe at all, seeing nothing beyond his closed eyes, a terrible pain in his chest, “A corridor, he opened a corridor for Sora and then he-!”

“But he could-”

“I saw what Sora saw, he burned up, he’s gone, he _died_ _!_ There were, there were too many enemies, he did it, h-he did it to save…” Roxas hiccuped. Loud, pathetic. Just like… “… me.”

When he took his hands from his face, it was to see what he had known was happening and didn’t want to see. Xion had pulled her knees up to her chest, and though she hadn’t said a word or made a sound tears were streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably. Roxas wanted to reach out to her, to do something, anything. He couldn’t move. Axel had-

Bending over, Roxas coughed and coughed and nothing came up. The sight of it was vivid in his mind, Sora kneeling beside Axel as his form dissipated. Unable to hold onto it, Axel had-

_“That’s what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. You know what I mean?”_

He hated it. Maybe Sora had felt it, his fear and anger and despair as he watched his best friend’s body begin to wisp away. But maybe not. And only a few minutes later, he’d been able to muster it up – the strength to pull Sora into his own being and battle him. If he had been there, out in the world, Axel wouldn’t have fought. Axel wouldn’t have thrown everything away in that one attack.

_“Axel, what were you trying to do?”_

_“I wanted to see Roxas.”_

Shivering and shuddering, Roxas began to sob. It had been his fault. He’d known it, known the truth. That despite his words, in that moment what he had been speaking with was all that was left of Axel.

_“Might be time to sleep.”_ It had only been for a second, though it had been a second that stretched on and on. Despite what they had said, Roxas knew those words had been wishful thinking and nothing more.

“We’re just bodies! We’re Nobodies, we’re just bodies, his is gone!”

But was that the truth? What was aching in his chest, what was making him weep…

_“Take care of yourself, okay?”_

There was no Axel left to take care of, was there? A body that had flickered away into darkness. It was all a Nobody was. With no body left, only the words of a fading whisper of Axel’s memories… Memories. Where did memories live?

_“I think that, here in Sora’s heart… this is where those memories live, where they’re supposed to be.”_

Xion was outright sobbing now, a horrible sound. Roxas clung to the words she’d spoken, holding his head the way he’d failed to hold on to the people he cared about. They were just bodies. That was what he’d been told from the start. A body that had stood up again, with no heart to call its own. But there were things that he remembered. Things Axel remembered.

_“You can’t be a “you” without a heart. You can’t feel pain. You can’t have memories.”_

A heart.

_“You wouldn’t be able to exist here if you had no hearts.”_

_“Given enough time, anything running around and making contact with hearts seems to end up with one of their own.”_

Axel had said…

_“Is it possible that we all have one? You, me, her…”_

“V-Ven?”

“Yeah.” Ven looked like he was hurting. Did Ven feel bad seeing them breaking down in tears, the way he had felt bad seeing Ven’s tears? What was that feeling called? It might have been that Ven was like Sora, who felt the emotions of others so strongly. It might have been that they were all more like Sora than he’d known.

“What happens… when a heart, isn’t in its body anymore? When that body is destroyed?”

“It has to find a new one, or it’ll be consumed.” It was Vanitas who answered him, and Roxas sniffled weakly at the words. Consumed by what? Darkness? Would Axel simply become a Heartless and be lost once more? “That’s why, even if Ventus is able to leave Sora’s heart, I won’t be able to return. I don’t know what will happen to my heart if it remains disembodied, and I don’t want to find out. Either I stay here, or I go with Ventus to his body and sleep within him. Those are my choices. I have no body left, and I seriously doubt it somehow reconstituted itself and started walking around again.”

“Well, you didn’t lose your body by becoming a Heartless,” Ven said softly, and Vanitas waved a hand as if it didn’t matter. Roxas wasn’t sure whether or not it did. What had Vanitas said about them? A whole heart, and an incomplete one. He’d said that Xion would be whole soon. Why? What did that even mean? Did Axel have a whole heart, an incomplete one, or nothing at all?

“What’s the difference, really? Like it or not I basically am one already, and have been all along. Might be that even if I have no body, nothing about my heart would change. No, I know what you’re saying so don’t start. It’s not the same. My body perished, I didn’t shuck it off by being corrupted.” Vanitas laughed after saying that, but if it was a joke it was one Roxas didn’t understand. He didn’t find it particularly funny either, and simply tried to wipe away the tears he couldn’t stop from falling. But Vanitas was continuing, like he just needed to explain what he found so amusing. “Can’t corrupt a heart that’s already pure darkness. More darkness just gives me a power boost. Pretty sure I’m incorruptible, at least where darkness is concerned.”

“You’re not a Heartless, and you’re not pure darkness.” Ven’s voice was exasperated, and Roxas wished they would stop bickering for five minutes. Was Axel gone or not? Xion hadn’t spoken at all, just shaking beside him even as she took in all of the information. Though her sobs had quieted, when he looked at her she was still weeping. He wanted to do nothing but cry as well, really. “You’re just a big jerk. And I already _said_ we’d go together, didn’t I?”

“I-if, can you _just_ … If Axel had, had a h-heart, couldn’t it have… gone somewhere, the way yours did? Couldn’t it have gone somewhere safe?”

Neither Ven nor Vanitas spoke for a moment, and Roxas’s vision blurred again with tears. Their hearts had gone to Sora, so it had to be possible. There had to be somewhere that Axel could have gone that would be his haven. Though he couldn’t make out Ven’s expression, the other boy was definitely looking at Vanitas.

“Yes. It could have.”

Though he knew Vanitas was probably remaining silent on the odds, the fact that those words were coming from _his_ lips… still, somehow, comforted him. Saying nothing in response, Roxas reached out to take Xion’s hand. She leaned into him silently, pressing her forehead against his shoulder.

“Hey… Roxas?” Ven was hesitating, but the words were something to focus on. Xion’s fingers squeezed his. “Can I ask you something about Axel?”

“Yeah.”

“What is he to you?”

Roxas said nothing for a long moment, before turning a tearful smile to the pair before him.

“He’s my Terra.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello it's time for the Ventus-Vanitas conflict hour, aka "Ven is bad at reading others" and "Vanitas is a cryptic asshole". Gaze in wonder as Ven almost reaches the correct conclusion and then denies its plausibility! Marvel as Vanitas continues to be just like, the worst. Next chapter will be on Wednesday.

The beach he searched that day finally gave Ventus what he had been hoping for – another one of those strangely-shaped shells that seemed so oddly familiar. Ven brushed the sand from it carefully, holding it up between two fingers. He had three of them now, long, narrow seashells from some unknown creature. Maybe whatever produced them wasn’t present in this place and there was a finite amount of the shells themselves. The one he’d just picked up was a little smaller than the other two that sat in his pocket. He’d have to find a place for them that was a little safer, Ven thought.

If he was able to find enough that matched in size, he could…

There was nothing like cord or twine. Nothing he could use to bore a hole in the shells to link them together. All he had was a bunch of seashells and an infinite amount of sand to get in everything. Ven slipped the shell into his pocket, wiped some of that endless sand from his fingers, and put his face in his hands.

“What am I even doing?”

“What a question.” Vanitas’s voice made him jump out of his skin, and Ven whirled to face the other boy. Somehow Vanitas had snuck up on him, completely undetected. Was he really so tired and distracted that he couldn’t sense Vanitas approaching? “Don’t act so surprised.”

“Would you take that mask off?” The sight of it made his skin crawl. With that thing back on his face, it was almost impossible to know exactly what Vanitas was looking at. Was Vanitas looking him in the eyes? Ventus couldn’t tell, and it made his stomach queasy.

“No,” Vanitas said happily, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the dock. Rejecting his request shouldn’t have made Vanitas as pleased as he was, and Ven gritted his teeth. “Does that upset you?”

“It annoys me is what it does.” Vanitas was simply a bad person, wasn’t he? He was enjoying himself. Ven shoved his hands into his pockets, considering simply sitting down on the beach and ignoring Vanitas’s reactions. The fact that he couldn’t see Vanitas’s expression beneath that mask was annoying. Vanitas in general was annoying.

“What a pain you are. I’ve done what you wanted, you could at the very least act happy about it.” When Ven simply stared at him without speaking, Vanitas held one hand out palm-up. There was a feeling in the air of presentation, as if Vanitas was expecting the gesture to mean something to him. It didn’t, and Ventus clenched his jaw. “The Unversed, you idiot.”

“… oh.” Ven couldn’t deny that it was the case that Vanitas had done what he’d asked. For days, weeks even, Ven had barely seen his reluctant companion. But every time he had, Vanitas was alone. It had been weeks, surely, since Ventus had laid eyes on an Unversed. If nothing else, despite his flood of personal failings Vanitas was apparently a man of his word.

That made things only more concerning. Things seemed calm. The sky was clear each day, the sea was calm and beautiful, the sand was warm from the sun. It didn’t feel like the calm before a storm, but Ven couldn’t help being worried now. Vanitas was undeniably annoying, but nothing seemed overtly wrong with him as a result of not jettisoning his emotions.

Vanitas had said he’d regret it, and Ven had no idea why.

“You have nothing worthwhile to say? Figures.” Ven scoffed loudly, and it only seemed to amuse Vanitas more. It was better if Vanitas kept his feelings, Ventus reminded himself. The trade-off, apparently, would be Vanitas being unbelievably obnoxious and taking pleasure in his frustration. “You can’t even handle this much of my unfiltered being? It’ll get worse for you, Ventus. Mark my words.”

If there was something Vanitas liked more than cryptic, ominous words, Ven didn’t know what it was.

“You say that, but I’m not seeing any problem other than you being a pain in the neck.” The only thing he regretted about the situation was the fact that Vanitas was such an unpleasant human being. Then again, that was something Ven knew he should have expected. It was his own fault that he hadn’t seen it coming. “You’re actually having a good time, that’s so messed up.”

“Don’t be an idiot. There’s not much to enjoy here. I’ll take what I can get.” Now Vanitas was stretching his arms up and lacing his fingers together behind his concealed head, almost lounging. A muscle in Ven’s cheek began to twitch. “Don’t get so tense, Ventus.”

“That’s funny coming from you,” Ven shot back, knowing it was too heated. Vanitas’s laugh was brief, and he tilted his head in a way that made Ventus suspect he was being inspected. That was wildly uncomfortable, but he couldn’t let it show. “ _You_ seemed pretty tense the other day.”

“Not wrong. But I’ve already told you enough for you to piece things together on that front. It’s not my problem if you aren’t actually smart enough to do so.” Vanitas insulting his intelligence was starting to get really, really irritating. What was that supposed to mean? Almost everything Vanitas said was so vague. Connecting dots was one thing, but he hadn’t been given enough to actually form an image. From what he said next, Vanitas could tell that he couldn’t figure it out. “Really? I guess I really did take all the brains.”

“Do you have anything else to say besides calling me stupid?”

The silence that stretched between them after that question had Ventus outright wondering if the answer was no. It didn’t seem out of character for Vanitas to have showed up simply to torment him, but at the same time there was no point in doing so. Before they’d fought, Vanitas’s taunting had been something with a purpose – to lure him out, to make him chase after both Vanitas and Terra. Now, if that was what Vanitas was doing it was for no reason other than petty enjoyment.

Vanitas really was pathetic, almost too pathetic to hate.

“The shells.”

“What _about_ the shells.”

“You’re collecting them. Why?” This was something Vanitas actually wanted to know, Ven realized abruptly. Vanitas didn’t have his life’s full context, at least not from the point where their existences had diverged. What finally occurred to Ven for the first time was sobering.

Did Vanitas remember who they used to be?

“Ventus. Is the question that difficult?” Vanitas didn’t have much patience for his thoughts, it seemed. That wasn’t really a surprise, of course. The other boy was simply nasty, and for what reason? Just for fun.

“Huh? Uh… It’s just… they remind me of something, so I…”

“Sentimental value.” The lilting tone to Vanitas’s voice made him suspicious, but Ven didn’t point it out. When Vanitas took a step toward him, Ventus clenched his fists in his pockets but held firm. He wasn’t afraid of Vanitas, so he wouldn’t run. “Show me.”

“Why, so you can smash it or something? No way.” That cemented it, Ven really needed a safe place to keep them. It was way too easy to imagine Vanitas crushing a shell within one hand. Scowling, Ven turned his head so that he didn’t have to look at Vanitas. All he had was his pockets. “Go find something else to do.”

“No. You want to do something with them. Tell me.”

With a grin that he knew was spiteful and malicious, Ven glanced at the other boy and threw Vanitas’s own words back at him.

“Figure it out yourself.”

Vanitas said nothing for a split second and then burst into genuine, if unsettling, laughter. Ven had found it funny in an ironic kind of way until that moment, but Vanitas’s amicable response sucked that away. Maybe it had been wrong to enjoy being a little petty in the first place, but like Vanitas he would take what he could get. “Good. But you misunderstand something.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“Tell me what you want to do with the seashells, Ventus.”

Almost automatically, Ven curled his fingers around the Wayfinder in his pocket. He’d started to pull it out without thinking of it, but that was a terrible idea. If he showed it to Vanitas, there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t get it back in pieces. That was something Ventus couldn’t risk.

Aqua had made them, one for each of them. If Vanitas broke it, he’d…

“I want to attach them to each other,” Ven ground out finally, extracting the newest, smallest shell from his pocket. Vanitas let out a faint, noncommittal noise that could have meant anything. Getting a handle on him was impossible, Ven thought. How Vanitas would respond to any given thing was too varied, there was no predicting him. “I don’t have enough, I need five.”

“And for what purpose?”

“I thought you were the smart one.”

“Please. I’ve given you context and plenty of information, I practically spoon-fed it to you. By contrast, I’m following a faint trail of breadcrumbs that you don’t even want to lay out.” Though Ven couldn’t deny the latter, the former didn’t seem right at all. Vanitas hadn’t come close to feeding him information, simply spilling out vague statements that made no sense. But Vanitas truly believed what he was saying, making Ventus wonder if he’d missed something obvious. “I can’t believe this. Are you getting _dumber?_ ”

“Can you go more than five minutes without insulting me? Is that the only thing you’re any good at? And you’re not even good at it, just saying the same thing. So you’re good for nothing, huh?”

Vanitas’s masked face left him nothing to read. Still, he got the feeling that his words had given Vanitas pause, if not outright rattled him. Whatever it was about Vanitas’s changed demeanor, Ven didn’t like. Blackness was starting to collect around him in a haze, warping the air. Unversed, but before they could take shape Vanitas was pulling the energy back in.

What he’d said had struck a nerve somewhere. Ventus didn’t know if he wanted to continue down that road. Letting up on it seemed better. He didn’t know enough, he knew nothing about Vanitas. He didn’t even know if he wanted to learn anything more.

“Don’t be stupid,” Vanitas hissed, before turning on his heel and stalking away. Watching his retreating back, Ven didn’t know what to do or say. If Vanitas couldn’t handle being insulted, he had no right to sling mud in the first place. He was nothing but a bully. Why?

Unbidden, a voice from the past rose in his mind and made it burn and sting.

_“Please don’t do this, Master! I’m not strong enough!”_

That had been Vanitas too, hadn’t it? Did Vanitas remember that time, that fear? There was no way. Vanitas had been stronger than him back then, strong enough that he could have gone somewhere else. He could have left, not listened to Xehanort.

There was no way Vanitas had been afraid of Xehanort the way Ven had.

Watching his retreating back, all Ventus could say was based in those memories.

“Don’t just leave me again!”

Vanitas froze in place for only a moment, before turning his head to look over his shoulder. Ven wished he would take that stupid mask off, wanted to rip it from his head. He couldn’t understand anything, not when he could only stare into nothingness. The words Vanitas spoke were confusing, frightening, saddening.

“If you don’t want that, then stop me. Become strong enough to keep what belongs to you for once.”

Cold and empty, Ven watched as Vanitas walked away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was admittedly one of the hardest chapters in the entire story for me to write, the only one where I was actually floundering a little. It's a bit hard to consolidate the weird mellow mood Roxas is in when he shows up at the end of KH2 with like... the rest of him in that game, and in Days. To be honest, that scene in the game is one of the iffiest parts of the series to me. I have theories as to why it's such a lackluster sequence, but that's all speculation. To some degree, I guess it's fitting that the part of this chapter that covers it also feels a little lackluster to me. That said, that scene doesn't hold a lot of significance to the fic anyway so I didn't tear my hair out over it.
> 
> Maybe you'll note something in Roxas's part of this chapter that implies something rather rough, but even if you don't it'll show up eventually in plainer terms. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

It happened just as suddenly as the storm had begun. There was a weight pressing down on him, and though Xion’s hand suddenly gripped his tighter, though Ven looked at him with alarm and even Vanitas’s piercing eyes widened, it was no use. Before he could do more than stare back at them in shock, Roxas felt that inescapable pull, and the island vanished.

 

When he realized it, Roxas could only laugh. There she was, standing before him – before Sora, who was him – and framed by that portal of darkness. Of course. Maybe it was fate. She was exactly how he remembered her, Naminé. That had been the pull. Fate? It didn’t matter. He felt so… relaxed.

“See? We meet again, like we promised.”

“Huh?” Sora didn’t understand it, he knew. But those words weren’t for him. From within Sora, Roxas smiled. A promise. A promise that had been made to him, Sora’s other.

“You said we’d meet again, but when we did,” easily, so easily he stepped out, ignoring Sora’s shock, “We might not recognize each other.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“But I knew you.” Of course Roxas had. How could he not? Exactly how he remembered her. She really was… so beautiful.

“Mmm… it’s strange.”

“I think I understand.” He did. It was simple, for once. She was there, and so he was there as well. Because, within Naminé… “I see myself the way you remember me. And you see yourself the way I remember you.”

“I always thought Nobodies were doomed to fade back into darkness…”

“Yeah, but you and I didn’t. We got to meet our original selves.” He’d live within Sora, and she would live within Kairi. They wouldn’t fade. Because Vanitas was right. He had a heart. And, he knew it, because he could feel it – Naminé had a heart as well, a heart that had touched his, had touched Kairi’s, had touched Sora’s.

“So, we can be together again!” They would, wouldn’t they? He and Naminé, just the way Sora and Kairi were. They could be together, could face each other as themselves and speak in their own voices. He would be able to finally just talk to Naminé, would be able to look into those clear blue eyes and speak of things that were trifling and light. Maybe not right away, but… For now, at least, he could move to stand beside her. He wished he could touch her, could take her hand. Even so, Roxas was happy with just that act. Together. For some reason, that felt good, right. Why did he feel that way? But it didn’t even matter.

“Right.” It was true, wasn’t it? When two hearts touched… “Anytime Sora and Kairi are together.”

“We’ll be together every day. Right, Sora?” It was funny. Even though Roxas understood, his other self was clearly the only one who didn’t have the faintest clue what was going on. Did Sora recognize him, dressed in these clothes, with a smile on his face? Maybe not. But Sora wasn’t even looking at him, meeting Kairi’s eyes as if the answer was in them. For all Roxas knew, it was.

“Uh… yeah!” Roxas wanted to laugh, but maybe it wasn’t the time. Slowly, calmly, Kairi stepped forward and extended her hand. With that same serene smile on her face, Naminé reached out as well. This was it, Roxas thought. He’d go back, and even once he did, when their hearts touched… Naminé, surrounded by light, vanished back to the girl who was her home. Roxas knew it was his turn. It would be fine. He’d go back, and when Sora looked at Kairi he’d be able to see Naminé looking back.

“Look sharp!”

The least he could do was give Sora a little bit of a ribbing before he went, Roxas thought. He could accept it, if Sora was the person who he left for the sake of. He would accept it, because it was Sora who he belonged to. Roxas was glad for it, that it had been Sora. He was glad that he was Sora.

He really was a good other.

 

“Xion, wait!” Though it was Ven who spoke, the hand that closed around her wrist belonged to Vanitas. And though she tried to yank it away, Vanitas’s grip was like iron. Xion couldn’t stop her shaking, tears continuing to stream down her face. How could she wait? Roxas had just vanished right before their eyes. Axel was _dead_ , and Roxas was-

“It’s fine, sit down.” Vanitas’s pull was stronger than her own. While she’d failed to free herself from him, Vanitas easily tugged her down. She couldn’t accept that. Fine? _What_ was fine? Nothing was fine. With her other hand, with her breathing frantic, Xion clawed at Vanitas’s fingers. She had to get him to let go, she had to go, she had to find Roxas before something awful happened. What if something awful had already happened? “Xion, stop. Quit it, I’m stronger than you and you know it.”

“I have to, I can’t – this isn’t! Let _go_ of me!”

“Sit down right now!” Something was forming around Vanitas, and before she could do anything at all a massive pair of armored hands was grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to her knees. This was something she couldn’t fight. What was it? An Unversed. She had to get free. What could she do? Vanitas had her trapped. Something she couldn’t see was squeezing her chest and throat. Was that Vanitas, or her own heart? _She had to get free._

“Let me go! I have to find him! Let g-”

“Xion, listen to me.” Vanitas’s voice was sharp, sharp enough to cut through the panic in her mind. He hadn’t let go of her, of course. Instead, with that Unversed, he’d only taken a firmer hold. When Xion looked at him, she realized that Ven was leaning against him, holding onto his shirt, his eyes closed. Passed out. Vanitas had his other hand on Ven’s shoulder, his arm around him to keep him close. “Roxas is fine. He was drawn to the surface. He isn’t in danger. Breathe or you’re going to pass out.”

“The _surface_? What does-” The surface of what? Where had Roxas gone? How did she get to him, how did she get him to come back to safety? A heart without a body, Vanitas had said it himself, would be consumed. The words were slicing through the haze in her mind, slowly but surely. Without a body, but… Only the surface. Roxas hadn’t left Sora. Xion took a deep breath, and let it out again. “He’s safe?”

“No doubt about it. Ventus?” No answer came from Ven, but it seemed to be what Vanitas expected. “Asleep, typical. Roxas was pulled to the surface of Sora’s being, where he can visibly manifest. I don’t know how or why, but what just happened to him is not dangerous. I would say, “Ask Ventus if you don’t believe me”, but even if he was awake he isn’t able to do it. Right now I can still sense Roxas’s heart. Ventus can’t do that.”

“S-sense it. You can sense hearts?” Finally, Vanitas’s fingers uncurled from around her wrist. Though it hadn’t hurt, Xion immediately started to rub her wrist where those fingers had dug in. The urge to leap to her feet again, to flee the shack and run to wherever Roxas was, was starting to fade. Even if it had been as intense as it had been seconds before, it wouldn’t have mattered. The Unversed holding on to her was much, much stronger than her. The weight of those hands was unbelievably heavy. That was something Xion could never win against. All she could do was breathe and listen to what Vanitas was telling her.

“Of course I can. That’s how I knew you and Roxas had them, it’s right there in your chest plain as day.” Vanitas knew what was going on. There was someone in this place who understood exactly what was happening. The fact that it was Vanitas was reassuring, though she didn’t know why. If it had been Ven… “You understand I won’t lie just to make you feel better, right? You’re at least smart enough to figure that out.”

That was why. Ven might avoid an honest answer if that answer would be painful for the one hearing it. Vanitas definitely would not, since he didn’t care. Vanitas wouldn’t mince words trying to spare her feelings. Somehow, that was a comfort. If Vanitas was telling her that Roxas was safe, Roxas was safe. Her eyelids felt heavy.

“Right…”

“He’s still connected. Whenever what’s happening stops happening, Roxas is going to come back to the island. I can’t say how long it’s going to be, but he will come back.” Vanitas turned his head a little, pressing his cheek against the top of Ven’s head. Then, without comment, he was pulling Ven back into his lap. Face-to-face, holding on. Even asleep, Ven’s arms wrapped immediately around Vanitas. She knew why. Ven had left too, unwillingly, certainly fearfully. Xion hoped it wouldn’t be a year before Roxas came back. She wasn’t sure how she would handle it if that happened. “Don’t panic about it. If his link to Sora’s heart is severed, sure. But it’s still strong. Right now, his heart is just a layer above where we are.”

Without thinking about it, Xion glanced upwards. It was stupid. All she could see was the ceiling of the shack. Even if they’d been outside, she didn’t think it would be possible for her to just see Roxas. Vanitas…

“Thank you,” she mumbled, and finally the weight of the Unversed on her shoulders started to lessen. It wasn’t until it was starting to fade that Xion realized it had become somewhat comforting. Though it had been holding her down, it had also been… just holding her. When she looked up at him Xion saw Vanitas absorbing the creature again, grains of sand that swirled toward him and were lost. The sight was as strange as always. How he did it she didn’t understand. It was surely something only Vanitas could do.

“Hm.” A single syllable, nothing more than an acknowledgment of what she’d said. Xion wasn’t sure that he’d reply with anything more than that. Without the Unversed holding on to her, Xion found her body tilting forward. She couldn’t stay upright, and had to reach out and plant her hands in the sand to keep from toppling over entirely.

“Why am I so…”

“Emotional unrest. Easy way to knock yourself out. That’s why Ventus is asleep. Sleep is the easiest way to recover. Nah, the only way. Even if the emotion that became harmful fades, you’ve already been exhausted by it. You’re lucky it didn’t drop you outright, that it’s coming on slow. It was brief enough, I guess. Panic, a heart doesn’t want to sleep if it’s panicked.” Though she was hearing Vanitas’s words, that was all she was doing. Xion thought it was important that she listen and understand, but his voice was little more than a soft drone in her ears. She was just tired, as if now that she wasn’t panicked her heart was trying to make up for it. Sleep, sleep would be nice…

“Xion.”

“Mm.”

Wordlessly, Vanitas held a hand out. Energy was swirling, a massive shape forming there. Not the same Unversed that he’d made minutes before. It was huge, though. A jellyfish, or something like it, translucent but tinted in a pale blue. Orbs filled its body, stained in various colors. As she pondered it, two of its arms reached out for her, lifting her up.

It should have been scary, Xion thought, but that Unversed was gentle. It settled her easily on its cap, a soft, comfortable surface that sank only a little under her weight. Something to sleep on. Vanitas was giving her that, an Unversed that she could safely drift away on. Briefly she wondered why he hadn’t made one for Ven, but the answer came easily.

Vanitas was already holding onto Ven and keeping him safe. In Vanitas’s arms, he was already as comfortable as he could be.

She was satisfied with that answer.

 

When Roxas returned, though she was smiling Xion – Xion, who also lived within Sora’s heart – was asleep. She’d curled up on something bizarre, a massive Unversed that sat motionless. Ven had fallen into slumber as well, silent and still, cradled once more in Vanitas’s lap and holding onto him.

Vanitas didn’t speak to him, and Roxas didn’t care. The storm that had faded returned, even stronger than before, and Roxas sat next to that creature and hoped that whatever was happening would cease. With how loud it was, they couldn’t even speak to one another if he’d wanted to say something. Roxas didn’t know that he had any words anyway.

Ven and Vanitas had told Xion something, while he was gone. They’d managed to soothe her in his place, Roxas thought. He wished he could have been the one to do it. He’d been the one to mess her up so badly in the first place. Sitting there in the faint, calming light that Vanitas created, despite the howling wind, Roxas found himself drifting off as well. He dreamed of Destiny Islands, of falling into cool, refreshing water, of the smell of salt. He dreamed, for only a moment, of Naminé, who held her hand out to him with a smile.

Perhaps it hadn’t been a dream at all.

 

After the storm truly ended, the sun shone again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello we are back to the Ven and Vanitas hour, and things are about to finally truly take a turn for the somber. It isn't quite coming in this chapter, but very soon elements solely found in the novels are going to start really rearing their heads. Again the light novels were never officially translated and only scraps of somewhat-unpolished fan translations exist on the internet, so if people would like me to distinguish which parts of the Vanitas backstory I've crafted come from the novel specifically I'm more than willing to do so.

Vanitas was sitting with his legs crossed on the bridge when Ven peeked out of the shack. Though he had yet to remove the mask again, Ventus could tell what he was looking at – that island, with the tree that filled him with uneasiness. In some way, he thought that Vanitas was obsessed with the thing. There was something about it that Vanitas knew, wasn’t there?

Ven couldn’t remember being in this place before the day everything had come to a violent climax. The reason he didn’t want to go near that tree, did Vanitas remember it? Did Vanitas remember everything that he had forgotten? The thought was haunting him now. The way Vanitas acted, was it influenced by the memories Ven had lost?

Had Vanitas taken those along with his darkness?

“Figures,” Vanitas said aloud, before getting to his feet. Whatever it was he was responding to had disappointed him. His head turned to face Ven, but whether or not Vanitas was looking him in the eye he just couldn’t say. “What do you want, Ventus?”

“I don’t want anything,” Ven grumbled, considering simply slamming the door and ignoring Vanitas. Even if he did so, there were two doors to that shack, and the other one led directly to the bridge. They couldn’t be barred either. If things turned to a wild chase, all it would do was slow Vanitas down. There was nowhere he could truly barricade himself.

The only silver lining was that Vanitas didn’t seem interested in attacking him anymore.

“Ha. You think I didn’t notice you staring at me? You want something from me, so you might as well say what it is.”

It wasn’t really a question, but Ventus considered it nonetheless. Did he want something from Vanitas? Answers, mostly. He couldn’t imagine that Vanitas would just hand them to him. He’d say something cryptic, or perhaps nothing at all. Maybe Vanitas didn’t know anything more than he did.

“Do you… Why are you staring at that tree? You did that before too.”

“You know it’s the tree, then.” The way Vanitas stood on that bridge and looked down at him was too familiar, so he was silently thankful when the other boy jumped down to the sand. He leaned against the wooden wall of the platform it connected to, crossing his arms over his chest. “And, the fact that you’re asking means you don’t remember.”

Ven didn’t speak, knowing he didn’t need to. Vanitas wasn’t asking a question, after all. He already knew that much. But his silence seemed to be a let-down, even though it was exactly what Vanitas had expected.

“So you want to know. Makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t it? And you have no idea why.” Vanitas seemed a little pleased by it. Ventus knew it was obvious that he was alarmed by his lack of understanding, that it was upsetting to him. Of course Vanitas was a bad person who enjoyed that kind of thing. The only thing more unsettling than that tree, at least in that moment, was the way Vanitas seemed to be in his head and know what he was thinking. “That tree.”

“Of course I want to know! The fact that it makes me feel anything, doesn’t that mean I’ve been here before? The real island. You know, don’t you?”

“Do I?” As expected, Vanitas couldn’t make things easy by saying yes or no. His question wouldn’t be answered, because Vanitas didn’t feel like answering it. Every bit of information that came out of him was dictated by Vanitas’s whims.

“It makes _you_ uncomfortable too, doesn’t it? That’s why you made Unversed, if you didn’t you couldn’t make yourself go near it. So why’s that, huh?”

“It’s your complex. You’re the one who’s uncomfortable.”

“That’s not an answer! That doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Don’t be stupid, Ventus!” It was a little hotter than he’d expected, and Ven could only fall silent. Vanitas was annoyed with him now, his body language tense. The other boy seemed keen to shunt it out into an Unversed, the air around him rippling. Nothing happened, Vanitas’s emotions remaining firmly within his body.

His body… weren’t they just hearts? The place Vanitas’s emotions were staying was his heart, but for some reason that heart and Ven’s own had form. Did Vanitas know why that was? Doubting that his query would be answered, Ventus nonetheless spoke.

“Fine, forget it. Will you tell me something?”

“Depends on how idiotic it is. If it’s something you should be able to figure out yourself…”

“Why do we look like this?”

Vanitas’s shoulders seemed to be even tighter, but whether he was more frustrated Ven couldn’t tell. “Too vague. Elaborate.”

“We don’t have bodies, do we? I destroyed yours, at least. So why do we still look like us? And, this island, what is it? Why is it here?”

“Tch. Fine, I’ll help you out. Our current forms are projections. It was the same when I pulled you into our body.” Ven definitely didn’t like that phrasing. Vanitas said it as if their beings had been one singular unit during that battle, one place. Even worse, he wasn’t certain that it was wrong. “The bodies we have here are because our hearts remember our shapes, instinctively replicate them. I’ll admit, it’s not as stupid of a question as I expected. Good job, Ventus.”

“You’re really insufferable, you know that?” Of course Vanitas did, and he loved it. It just made Ven want to throw something at him. Still, Vanitas seemed talkative, and even if he was being as rude and unpleasant as ever he _was_ offering quite a bit of information. “What did you think I was going to ask that was so stupid?”

“Why I don’t look like you,” Vanitas drawled, letting his arms fall to his sides. He tapped the side of his helmet, but it didn’t dissolve to reveal his face. It really was annoying, how he kept it concealed even though Ventus knew what was behind that sleek… metal? Glass? No. It had melted away back then. Vanitas’s mask was made of concentrated darkness given form. At least, the one that his real body had worn had been.

Though he was loathe to admit it, Ven didn’t know why Vanitas didn’t look like him. He couldn’t ask now, because he’d only be mocked. As if sensing that, Vanitas laughed in disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? I was starting to think you weren’t a complete lost cause. It’s this heart’s doing. He may be young now, but he’s going to grow up and when he does he’s going to have the same face I do.” Opening his mouth to speak, Ven realized he didn’t have a clue what to say. Vanitas had only half-answered. Of course it had to do with the boy who had saved him, but he had nothing to do with Vanitas. What that person looked like shouldn’t have influenced Vanitas in any way, because when his heart had connected with Ven’s Vanitas had already been born. That was why he’d needed help in the first place.

Vanitas hadn’t needed help.

Vanitas had been stronger than him… but not anymore.

“Hopeless. Have you forgotten, Ventus? Our hearts are one, were meant to be one. The second someone else’s heart touched yours, it touched mine as well. Infected it. This isn’t my face.” Vanitas spat the words out, genuinely angry over it. Though the air had rippled around him before, now it was warping and starting to darken. With a frustrated grunt, Vanitas curled his fingers into fists, and the tainted aura gathering around him was drawn rapidly back inside of him. As it did, the other boy seemed to tremble ever-so-slightly. He’d pulled it back in and accepted it. It should have been good, but… “You don’t understand a single thing, do you?”

“I understand that you’re upset about it,” Ventus shot back, clenching his own fingers. Though it wasn’t coming from a warped aura that cloaked him, he knew that in that moment Vanitas was filled with hatred. It radiated from him in a way that was wholly mundane, but no less chilling. He’d snapped in irritation, but now the idea was sinking in.

Vanitas didn’t consider the face he had to belong to him. Which meant, could only mean, that the face he considered to be his was Ven’s face. The thing Vanitas hated right now wasn’t him, the person who had pointed out his emotional unrest. The thing Vanitas hated was the fact that his body had changed.

Infected. Was that really how Vanitas viewed the event that had saved his life? It was so twisted. But Vanitas hadn’t needed it, being rescued. Vanitas had been fine, for some reason. Still, there was something Ven couldn’t deny.

It _had_ been Vanitas’s face.

If one day he had woken up to find himself looking like someone else, Ven thought he would have been upset too.

“Do you…” Ventus didn’t know how to ask it. Vanitas was angry, though it was thankfully not that violent rage he’d flown into on the first day. How long ago that was, Ven couldn’t say. He was already tired, wanted to curl up in the sand and sleep. Vanitas was probably glaring at him, which didn’t help.

“Shut up, Ventus.” Saying nothing more, Vanitas turned and left. Too late, Ven stretched his hand out. It wouldn’t have helped. He didn’t know if he actually wanted Vanitas to stay. The question in his mind was too disturbing, and far too sad.

Did Vanitas want to be him again?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello it is time for a chapter! Chapter 15 in fact. Back to Roxas and his inability to read the situation. And then some heavy stuff, because it's not Kingdom Hearts if it doesn't hurt your heart. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!

“So I guess we do need to sleep in here after all,” Roxas said, looking up at the clear sky. Lying on the beach with Xion was, at the very least, something to do. He’d been the one to carry her out of the shack and lay her onto the warm sand. She had been heavy, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He owed her that much – for some reason, when he’d been speaking with Naminé he’d forgotten to say anything about Xion. He hadn’t even thought about Xion, and Roxas wasn’t sure why. Everything had seemed to leave his mind as soon as he’d heard Naminé's voice. Vanitas, sitting on the dock with Ven, snorted at his words.

“We don’t _need_ to. You exhausted yourself, so did she. If you hadn’t, you theoretically could have stayed awake indefinitely.”

“Vanitas, don’t be mean. You slept loads before.” When Roxas looked over, it was just in time to see Ven reach out and pinch Vanitas’s cheek. The other boy scowled, slapping at Ven’s hand too late, and for a moment all they did was swat each other uselessly. Eventually Vanitas stood, so fast that it almost knocked Ven over, and pointed at the ocean. From the way Ven reacted, scrambling backward, it was a threat. “Okay, okay! Anyway, for the most part it seems like sleeping’s optional here.”

“So you just don’t get tired normally?”

“Well, we did. I still do, Vanitas doesn’t really need to sleep anymore. For a while I didn’t _need_ to sleep either. But at night I just always slept anyway, it sort of gives your mind a break. Actually, I never really thought about it I guess. You sleep at night, so I slept at night. Eventually we started actually tiring ourselves out again, so we did need to sleep. Or maybe because we were doing things we _thought_ we should have been tired from doing, we needed to sleep.”

“Probably. Never gave that one much thought. As for the rest, it depends on how strong your heart is at any given point,” Vanitas said dully, before lying down on the dock so that his legs dangled off of it. It was the first time Roxas had ever seen Vanitas reclining, he realized. Next to Ven, it seemed Vanitas felt comfortable enough to expose himself in that way. “Mental exhaustion, emotional exhaustion. Your heart isn’t completely whole, just mostly. You strained yourself. She’s got even less there, so she dropped like a fly.”

“Xion… How long will it be before she wakes up?” He hated it, seeing her lying still with her eyes closed, even if she looked like she was smiling. It brought back too many awful memories. Carefully, Roxas brushed the thin strands of hair from her forehead. Maybe he’d collect shells again. Then again, it wasn’t like there was a bed to lay them on. It seemed unfortunately likely that Ven and Vanitas would fight over whether or not to let Xion sleep in theirs.

“Could be days. Could be years. She doesn’t seem particularly sturdy.”

“Vanitas!”

“Am I wrong?”

“… I mean… Sure, it’s possible I guess. But I’m sure it won’t be long, Roxas. If you talk to her she’ll probably recover faster. At least, that’s what I _think_ happened when…”

Vanitas sat, giving Ven a look that seemed almost livid. Rather than being alarmed or frightened by it, Ven only laughed. For some reason, Vanitas was turning bright red. It was something he had no context for, some past event that he didn’t have the patience to ask about.

“What does that mean, years? Did I… did I _hurt_ her?”

“Yeah.”

“ _Vanitas!_ ”

“I’m not going to _lie_ to him, Ventus. You’re the one who always wants me to be honest.” Vanitas waved his hand, that same dismissive gesture he’d seen before. Ven being annoyed with him over the words didn’t make them less true, Roxas figured. “Fine. How do you want me to phrase it? She wore herself out emotionally and fell asleep. That better?”

“You _could_ have said something like that, yeah. It’s a little too late, you know!”

“I’m used to things being too late to change.” Ven didn’t respond to that, but his expression was… somber. Vanitas didn’t speak either, and he was harder to read. It looked like Ven was reaching out again, but Roxas couldn’t tell from the angle what he was doing with his extended hand. Sighing quietly, Roxas looked down at Xion. At least she looked peaceful, but… He wasn’t sure if he could handle her being gone for years. It was bad enough to have had her gone for a week.

It was bad enough that he was familiar with the sight of her, fast asleep and unable to wake up.

“Hey, Roxas?” Ven was leaning over a little, his shoulder barely touching Vanitas’s. For a pair that seemed so dysfunctional and confrontational in most moments, they certainly sat close to one another a lot. But, the memory of Ven with his arms around Vanitas, almost cuddled up to him in the moonlight even half-awake… It told him that they felt safe around each other, took comfort in one another. Still, did they _like_ each other or not? “If you wanna stay with her, I get it. But, you know that cave? Over in the cove, the one with that huge rock next to it.”

“Yeah?”

“There’s, uh… If you want to bring her there, maybe it’d be better? At least, when it starts getting dark again.” Vanitas had turned to look directly out at the water, leaving only a tiny portion of his face visible to Roxas. Even then, he could tell Vanitas was frowning. Maybe it was just a feeling, from his squared shoulders. What was in the cave? He thought he remembered Ven mentioning storage, but he didn’t know for what. “I don’t know if you guys checked it out or not. It’s a little smaller than our room, but…”

“We didn’t,” Roxas said lamely, trailing his fingers across the sand. The moonlight hadn’t been enough to figure out what was in there, so they’d decided to leave it until morning. At best, he’d been able to make out a few shapes – some kind of furniture, maybe. “What’s in there?”

“Mostly some old stuff we don’t really use or need anymore,” Ven said carefully, and Vanitas’s shoulders jerked visibly. As Roxas tried to figure out the reason for that reaction, Ven leaned against Vanitas. It didn’t relax him, Roxas didn’t think, but it warded away whatever was trying to settle into Vanitas’s mind. “Either way, there’s uh… a bed in there that you can lay her in. I think that’s better than lying on the beach all night, even if it’s safe here. I mean, it just seems weird not to. If you’re going to sleep, you might as well sleep in a bed if you can.”

“Oh. Yeah, that… makes sense.” There was another bed? That had to have been what he’d seen. But it brought up a question that had crossed his mind before. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah. I might even be able to answer it!”

Vanitas shoved Ven so hard that he fell off of the dock, screaming the whole way down. It satisfied Vanitas immensely, and the corners of his mouth that always seemed closed were curled up almost maliciously. Though Vanitas clearly didn’t appreciate the joke Ven had made, he definitely appreciated the sight of Ven flat on his back in the shallow water.

“Oops,” Vanitas said, completely insincere.

“I,” Ven started, sitting up and spitting out what was probably a mixture of water and sand, “Am going to make you disappear, right now.”

“Try me.” As Ven stood, Vanitas planted one foot on his chest and pushed again. Unversed were forming around him, red pots with gleeful grins. He clearly thought it was one of the funniest things in the world, at least until Ven moved to equip his armor. Then Vanitas scoffed and drew his leg back. For a moment, Roxas had thought Ven was going to grab Vanitas by the ankle and yank him into the water as well. But it seemed he actually was interested in the question, so he was trying to stop the fight before Vanitas could truly start it.

“Okay.” Ven shook the water from his hair, before undoing the straps that circled his torso and pulling off his shirt. Brief as the dip had been, it had soaked him. Despite the prior threat, Ven took off the shoulder of his armor that he wore – it had been an empty gesture after all, just a way of warning Vanitas that he wasn’t interested in whatever fight Vanitas was angling for. “Yeah, what were you going to ask?”

Roxas had to take a minute as Ven started to wring his shirt out and shed his boots – and as Vanitas shifted his weight, oddly enough – to remember what it was he actually wanted to ask. Ven started to reach for the button of his shorts, before hesitating noticeably and glancing at Roxas with some embarrassment. An Unversed was beginning to form beside Vanitas, a swirling energy. Roxas could make out a roundish shape in a pastel pink before Vanitas held a hand out and sucked the half-made creature back into himself. He had no idea what that meant, but Ven did and Ven found it amazingly funny.

“ _Really?_ I’m talking to Roxas. That’s no good, no way.”

“… I’m gonna go make sure the bed’s still there.” Vanitas, looking flustered, vanished. Roxas only stared at the spot where he had been, as Ven tossed his discarded shirt and armor onto the dock. Vanitas had accidentally manifested that Unversed, Roxas thought. Something about the situation had made him feel an emotion so strongly that he’d started to create an Unversed unintentionally.

If only he had the slightest idea what it had been.

““Make sure the bed’s still there.” You just moved it, of course it’s there. What’s that supposed to mean, huh? Like it disappeared or something, how stupid. Didn’t even give me something to dry my clothes with…” Roxas didn’t know if Ven knew that his muttering was audible. So far away, surely he wouldn’t expect the sound to reach his ears. But then Ven looked over to Roxas again, and seemed to realize something.

“Sorry,” Ven said awkwardly, his face red for some reason. “Uh, I guess that might have… been sort of weird for you.”

“Uh?” Roxas didn’t know what kind of expression was on his face. Ven stared at him almost nervously for a moment, before seeming to realize it – though Ven thought that Unversed and the situation that had created it had told Roxas something, it wasn’t actually the case. Flushing harder, Ven rubbed his neck. He hadn’t picked up on whatever Ven thought he’d picked up on, and Ven had realized it.

“Uh…” All they could do was say “uh”, Roxas noted. Just another thing in common. He’d have to make a list. “… Never mind, I guess.”

“Does that… happen a lot?” Roxas gestured to the dock as if to indicate he meant the Unversed, but he wasn’t sure the message actually was getting across. “Him making Unversed like that.”

“Yeah. Well, sort of. After a while I started sort of encouraging him to make Unversed whenever he was feeling something strongly. It meant I could get a better handle on what he was actually thinking, and, well. It helped him practice, too. He’s bad at expressing what he feels and he gets overwhelmed, so if something is serious it’s just easier on both of us if he makes an Unversed.” It seemed like both an understatement and an exaggeration. Vanitas seemed fully capable of saying and showing how he was feeling, but Roxas thought he simply didn’t _want_ to most of the time. Roxas got the distinct feeling that Vanitas liked keeping them in the dark. Maybe, though, Vanitas just didn’t want them around. The only person he was interested in was Ven. “Sometimes he gets too overwhelmed too quickly to actually make them, and that’s bad news. But ever since I got back I noticed he’s making them like crazy. Too much even, he’s putting too much in them. I guess maybe they were his only company for a while…”

Xion had said that when she’d arrived the island had been swarming with them, hadn’t she? Ven looked, suddenly, very small. Roxas didn’t know why. He hadn’t changed in size at all – there was just this feeling of having shrunk that surrounded him.

Alone. Ven and Vanitas had both spent a year completely alone, hadn’t they?

“… oh.”

“Yeah, it’s just… No, what were you going to ask?” Sighing, Ven turned away from the dock and walked barefoot to sit next to him in the sand. Warm as it was, his pants were still soaked and would be covered in it before long. Ven didn’t seem to mind it, though. He was probably pretty familiar with the feeling of sand after so many years.

“Uh, about the beds…”

“Oh!” Ven was flushing again, glancing around as if unable to meet his eyes. Why had the topic of beds made both Ven and Vanitas so cagey? It didn’t make any sense to him. A bed was a bed, wasn’t it? “The… yeah, the one in the cove was… That was Vanitas’s, for a while. It used to be his, sort of, since he’s the one who… Yeah. U-uh…”

Roxas frowned, the initial question he’d had now vying for place in his mind with another one. There were two beds. But both Ven and Vanitas had called the room in the tree _their_ room, and Vanitas had called the bed in there _the_ bed, not Ven’s bed. Was that why Ven was acting so strangely? Something about the fact that the bed in the cove was going unused? Roxas didn’t get it. If Vanitas didn’t need to sleep anymore, of course it was going unused.

“I mean, where did you get them? I… Well, I came here a few times, in the real world, but I got this feeling that the bed in the tree house isn’t supposed to be there. That it’s not there on the real islands. So where did it come from?”

“Oh! Oh, _that’s_ what…” Ven completely failed to mask sigh of relief that came out of him, which only made Roxas more curious. They’d both been so flustered over it, but why? It had to be something he just hadn’t been around long enough to understand, some part of being a person that he didn’t grasp yet. “Well, the frame of it we made. The crates, we broke a lot of those down. Actually, I say _we_ made the frame, but…”

Now Ven was scowling, and Roxas wanted to laugh at the look on his face. He didn’t know what it meant, but he thought maybe it was that Vanitas hadn’t helped in the slightest. Had Ven made everything in that room all by himself?

“I don’t know how he _did_ it,” Ven said eventually, digging his toes into the sand as if to express his frustration. “He only ever did it when I was asleep! I kept trying to stay up and figure out how he was doing it, but back then I was still really weak and I just needed to sleep every night. Even during the day, really. He watched over me a lot, during that time. It was so weird… even though we still were fighting, Vanitas had already started to protect me.”

Protective. That was what it was. The tension he had seen in Vanitas, that he couldn’t understand. How it hadn’t felt like Vanitas wanted to attack Ven, despite the anger inside of him. Roxas wished he was better with emotions, had been able to comprehend it faster. Maybe it was that Vanitas’s emotions were even more difficult to get a grip on. It was all so complicated. So much had happened that he hadn’t been able to think back to that part of the prior night.

Vanitas had been shielding Ven in that moment, prepared to strike anything that came near him. Though he hadn’t known what was wrong, he had been prioritizing Ven over even himself. Did he… really, truly _care_ for Ven? Was that why he’d been so ready to defend him from what had been hurting him?

That thought made Roxas look down at Xion again, and for a moment he didn’t know what to say. Watching her sleeping face, he ran over the words again. “Uh… did what?”

“Made that bed!” Ven looked like he wanted to take a handful of sand and throw it, but this far up on the beach it wasn’t wet enough to clump together. Instead he shoved his fingers into it and almost… seethed. Caught up in watching that, it took Roxas a moment to actually process what Ven had said.

“ _He_ made it?”

“He made everything! That’s why I said it was his bed, he made the stupid thing and then refused to sleep in it for weeks. Both beds, the shelves in the cave, the umbrella in there, that one’s new. But Vanitas made all of it and I have no idea how he did it! No matter how many times I look at the stuff, I can’t figure out how he puts it all together. I can’t find the nails on so many things. The only things here he _didn’t_ make are us and that chest that’s in our room now. Hey, do you know where that came from?”

“It’s not yours?” The chest in Ven and Vanitas’s room that Roxas had felt it wasn’t appropriate to look in, it seemed that it didn’t actually belong to them. But it didn’t seem like something that was an inherent part of Sora’s heart either, so what could it be?

“No. It wasn’t here when I got… when I left. Vanitas doesn’t know either, he told me it was just sitting in that cave by the waterfall one day, but it felt important so he brought it to the room to keep an eye on it. He didn’t open it, but there’s no lock. All Vanitas really said was that it felt like we _shouldn’t_ open it. And you know, I got the same feeling. I’m pretty sure it’s not secretly an Unversed he’s waiting to spring on me as a prank, and I’d never seen it before. So that means it’s something new in Sora’s heart, right? It doesn’t belong to us, it just feels like it’s for someone else. Normally… oh, okay. There _are_ some other things Vanitas didn’t make. The pillows and blankets and stuff, I was awake when those showed up. But the rest of it he definitely made, because I saw all the pieces even if I never managed to see him putting them together. He just carved a bunch of wood and took planks from crates and made all sorts of furniture. I basically always knew how he cut the wood, even if it took me ages before I actually saw him doing it. But somehow he got so many _nails_ , it almost makes me think he made them. I hate it.” Even with his fingers coated in sand, Ven ran them through his hair as if to calm his frustration. Maybe being covered in sand was just something Ven had adapted to, and he didn’t even notice it anymore. On a tropical island, it was hard to get away from the stuff. “Anyway, normally everything comes in from the sea. That’s where all the wood came from, that’s where the blankets and stuff came from. It all just washes up on shore, sort of like… when we need something, it probably is going to end up on the beach in a little while. If it’s something that doesn’t show up in a crate we rinse it off in the waterfall so it’s not coated in sea salt.”

“Sea salt…” A little sadly, Roxas wondered if Ven and Vanitas had ever had sea salt ice cream. Probably not. He didn’t think a chest full of it would just wash up on the shore one day, though. Even if it did, it would probably just melt before they could eat it. And if Xion wasn’t awake to have some, Roxas didn’t think he’d want any at all. “So all sorts of things just wash up on the beach, and Vanitas makes things out of them?”

“Yeah, basically. We’ve never gotten any tools from the ocean though, so I guess it… It’s Sora’s heart, right? I guess Sora’s heart knows Vanitas has something that makes it so that he doesn’t need them.” Ven paused, looking out to the ocean again. Though he’d started to get irritated again, it had almost immediately vanished. “That’s where Vanitas’s clothes came from.”

“What?”

“He didn’t used to wear that. Before we were, I mean, when we were still enemies. Back then, Vanitas wore this suit. You can still sort of see parts of it, especially when he took his shirt off last night. That weirdly-textured undershirt, that sort of looks like muscle tissue. His whole body used to be covered in that, except for his face. It was this full-body suit. The sea gave him something that still had the same kind of look eventually, though. Then he got more clothes and stopped looking so goofy. He kept the boots, and the thing he wears around his waist. Bits and pieces, I guess. Some stuff he just left behind entirely. Back then, Vanitas wore a mask that covered his whole head…”

“ _I saw his face.”_

Was that what Ven had meant by those words? Vanitas had taken off the mask, and something had changed at the same time? Or was it some time after that? The metal that lined his jaw. Was that the remnants of it? A mask that hid him.

“Anyway, the stuff he wears that’s like mine, all of that came up from the ocean. After we first… uh, well, it just happened eventually. It didn’t all come at once, but eventually he got all of that. I guess Sora’s heart wanted to make us match too.” Ven brought his hands together behind his head, a strangely familiar gesture. Sora did the same thing, he was sure. Whose gesture had it started off as, if Ven had come to Sora’s heart so long ago? “He’s never gonna say it, but I know it made him really happy. He keeps the… oh. That’s probably what he’s doing, then.”

“Huh?”

Ven shrugged, before turning his head to grin at him. For a few seconds, Roxas thought Ven wouldn’t answer him. From the look on Ven’s face, he wasn’t sure if he’d speak or not either. “I don’t know if any of this stuff is really _real_ , you know? Vanitas gets it way more than I do because he’s good at thinking about things that don’t have concrete answers. That’s the kind of thing I hate, I want to actually understand. I think it’s all just sort of this intangible… _stuff_ , that only exists in here. We’re real, but besides the island itself, all the things we touch and wear and eat are just… recreations of real things, based on our memories. Or things our hearts can picture. But they don’t just vanish when we’re done with them, or maybe they don’t vanish unless we really, really don’t want them anymore.”

“I don’t follow,” Roxas sighed, propping his chin up on one hand. There was no point in hiding that, he figured. Ven laughed, wiggling his bare feet deeper into the sand.

“I guess you don’t. Vanitas keeps his old suit in the cave. The undershirt he wears looks like it, but it’s not actually the same piece of… fabric?” Ven furrowed his brow, bringing his fingers up to his mouth as he thought. Roxas recalled the shirt Vanitas wore, running over the details of it in his mind. Black, or so it had appeared to be in the moonlight, with jagged lines almost drawn onto it in bright red. Ven had said it looked like muscle tissue, but Roxas wasn’t sure what that meant exactly. “The original wasn’t fabric, but it’s not the same, er… garment, as the suit he used to wear in here. That’s in the cave. It sits on a shelf in there now. I’ve never seen him touch it since he changed, but he’s keeping it for a reason.”

“You’re gonna have to give me something more than that,” Roxas complained, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. It had Ven laughing. Clearly he was having a lot of trouble keeping in mind that Roxas knew basically nothing about anything.

“Sorry, sorry! I’ve only been around Vanitas for so long, and he usually kind of gets what I’m thinking. He’s good at reading me, and I’m good at reading him. Maybe I’ve gotten bad at talking to people who _aren’t_ him at this point. That’s a scary thought, so I hope not.” Ven leaned forward, pressing his finger into the sand and starting to draw something. Curious, Roxas decided to put his desire for understanding on pause. A heart. Ven was drawing a heart in the sand, and, below it, a heart that was unevenly cracked in two. “Haha. That’s us, I guess… Or, it was us.”

“Right…”

Humming quietly, Ven continued to trace shapes into the sand. Two hearts now, one whole, one still only a piece. Them, when they’d fought, Roxas thought. Ven, whole, and Vanitas, incomplete. And then…

Ven drew a slash over each heart, before wiping the sand clean.

His humming had stopped, but his finger didn’t slow. Two hearts once more, not quite whole, each missing a corner to them. Until that moment, each heart that Ven had drawn had been nothing more than an outline. This time, one heart he dug sand out of as if to fill it in. Vanitas’s heart, maybe.

“Me and him, we both did some things that we don’t ever want to forget. Good or bad. He did a lot of bad stuff. I think he keeps that suit as a reminder. Just like I keep my armor, even though it’s never helped me much in here. Even when I needed it… Ah, but never mind that. That’s definitely why he keeps it, so he won’t forget what a big jerk he used to be. Now he’s only half as bad. Still a jerk though, especially right now. So he’s probably trying to figure out where to put it, since we’re gonna take Xion there. I’m sure he’ll put it in the tree… in our room.”

Roxas wanted to ask what it had meant. A time when, within Sora’s heart, that armor had been useless. He wasn’t sure when that would have been, but he had a feeling. It wasn’t a particularly good one. There were so many questions, and Roxas didn’t know if he truly wanted the answers. Those answers… maybe, they were a little scary. Maybe it would hurt Ven to ask him. Taking a deep breath, he instead looked at Xion.

She’d been looking for answers too, he was sure. That was what their lives had been, a series of questions and a desperate search for answers. He’d see Axel again, Roxas thought. Hopefully, when that happened, Axel would finally answer him. Hopefully, Axel would finally tell him the truth.

“Hey, so… If you don’t wanna answer this, it’s okay. But why did you come here? Xion sort of told me what happened. That Sora was asleep, that his memories had gotten all tangled up, and that some of them leaked out and got stuck in her. She wanted to come here so she could give them back, but why did you come here?”

“… I didn’t have a choice.” Roxas pulled one of his gloves off, tossing it aside and looking at his bare palm. He held it out the way he always had, looking to summon the Keyblade that he wasn’t sure he had any claim to. Nothing happened, as he’d expected. “Xion, I didn’t know why she left. And, once she really, really did… Once I d…destroyed her, I forgot all about her in the first place. I can remember now, but… it was scary. I was scared, it was awful. I could feel myself forgetting her, and I couldn’t remember why it was so important that I didn’t.”

“Vanitas says memories live inside your heart,” Ven murmured, and Roxas thought it was probably right. Memories. What was a memory, really? But the heart was where they belonged. “Well, he didn’t just go out and say that, but I figured it out from what he did say. Sora’s memories were leaking out into your heart. Is that right?”

“I think so. I dreamed about him. Reliving memories. It’s just the same feeling like with Riku and Kairi – I remember remembering, but I can’t remember the actual memory. I think that I dreamed about it, what happened when I was born.”

Ven stiffened, and Roxas didn’t know what to do. When he was born, of course… Hadn’t that been the moment that Ven and Vanitas had become truly alone? But he thought it had to have been true. The memories he too had stolen from Sora, accidentally or not, had certainly included it… Whatever that moment had been, when Sora’s heart had fallen into darkness. What had happened to Ven and Vanitas in that moment? How had Ven left and Vanitas remained? However it had been, Ven’s reaction made his chest feel tight and his stomach queasy.

“But there were other things too.” He said it too fast, Roxas thought. Ven would definitely know he was trying to hurry away from that topic. But Ven didn’t comment on it. Probably, Ven didn’t want to talk about it either. Being alone was awful. He probably didn’t want to even remember it. “I think, memories of Kairi.”

“Xion said that’s what she was made of.” It was surprising, but Roxas didn’t know why. Both girls had felt… the same, but not. Linked. Similar. Sharing so many features, Kairi’s familiar face _was_ familiar because it was Xion’s face. Memories of Kairi… “She said that someone told her Sora’s memories were flowing out of him, through you, and into her. And because that was happening, Sora couldn’t wake up. And someone told her that the memories she had were memories of Kairi.”

“It was Naminé,” Roxas said finally, the connection clicking into place. Xion’s calm sorrow at hearing her name, it made sense. The manor where Sora had slept, where Xion’s borrowed memories had returned to, that was where Naminé had lived. It had been Naminé. “Naminé told her what she had to do. Maybe Riku too, I don’t really know. I wasn’t there. Xion’s not a Nobody, I don’t think. Or she is, but she’s… special, a different kind of Nobody. I don’t really know what she is, and I don’t think she does either. Everyone said she was a puppet.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Right? But that’s just what they said she was. A puppet, a Replica. It was only me and Axel who didn’t call her that, I think. But, I think… Naminé must have told Xion, and Xion felt like she needed to go back to Sora. Her memories, that were his memories… she wanted them to go back where they belonged. And…” Roxas laced his fingers together, one hand gloved, one bare. How could he put into words what had happened? How he’d been led, against his will, a hollow destiny, to the place he belonged. “I was scared. But I needed to go back too. I had Sora’s memories of Kairi because Xion gave them to me. I needed to go back to him.”

“You didn’t want to.”

“Of course not! I wanted to exist. Then I… haha. I think I get it, what you said before.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had all these… _thoughts_ , spinning around in my head. All these things I wanted, all these things I didn’t want. And… when I was searching for what I wanted, I found something that I didn’t want at all. The more I chased, the more I ran, the closer I got to the one thing I was most afraid of. But it turned out to be what I had to do.” Grinning, Roxas found his eyes burning. It hadn’t been the same situation for Ven, not even close. Even so… “I saw Sora’s face.”

Ven fell silent, and for a long moment the only thing either of them did was look up at it – at Sora, a clear blue sky.

“Do you want to bring her to the cave?”

“… Yeah.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the worst boy, and also for me to forget to post the chapter on time. It's still Wednesday though so it still counts. Ven's not as perceptive as he should be.

The sound of crazed laughter filled his ears, and Ventus didn’t like it. Vanitas was pleased with himself then, and that couldn’t be good. When he opened his eyes, it was to find himself on the beach once more and covered in sand. He’d fallen asleep at some point clearly. That was a little annoying, how he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes open for more than a few hours.

Vanitas was by the waterfall, staring into the pool of water there. What he was laughing at, Ven couldn’t say. After a few seconds, Vanitas waved a hand over his own face. In profile, it… changed. Became something else, chillingly familiar. Though his hair hadn’t changed, though his body hadn’t changed, the face that Vanitas was wearing was undeniable.

“ _Don’t do that!_ ” Ven was screaming the words out before he could even think about them, and seeing that disgusting, cruel grin on Terra’s lips made him want to vomit. He’d made Vanitas unhappy and was being punished for it, was that it? “Stop it, don’t!”

“Does it _upset_ you, Ventus?” Vanitas was seemingly delighted by it, totally unhinged, and Ven closed his eyes tightly to block out the sight. His pounding heart made him feel faint. It was wrong. Vanitas couldn’t do that, it was wrong, it was sick. That was _why_ he was doing it. “Your precious Terra, does it upset you to see him knowing he isn’t really here?”

“You can’t _do_ this.”

“Would you prefer someone else? Aqua, maybe? Your master? _Our_ master?” Vanitas’s laugh was twisted. Were these his real emotions, his real personality? The hairs on the back of Ven’s neck were rising, his skin prickling. If Vanitas didn’t go back to wearing his own face right away, he’d… “No, no! Better would be…”

“Don’t,” Ventus whispered, but Vanitas’s hands were on him and he knew it was no longer safe to not look. That was what Vanitas had wanted, cornering him into a situation where he had no choice. Fingers had grabbed him by the shirt, and the face Ven opened his eyes to see was his own. Even as he tried to recoil from that, the manic grin on his own lips and the cruel pleasure in his own eyes, Vanitas had him in a grip too tight for him to twist away. “Stop it!”

“You don’t like me having my own face, Ventus? This is what I was meant to look like.” Ven reached out helplessly, trying to strike Vanitas to make him let go. Though his clumsy attempt didn’t land, Vanitas released him for a split second only to grab him by the wrists and throw him down onto his back. “You wouldn’t give it back, so I guess I’ll have to take it again.”

“Why are you _doing_ this?” It was too much. When Vanitas had worn Terra’s face, he’d been able to drown out his own fear and despair with anger. Now, gazing helplessly into his own eyes, Ven lacked even that flimsy shield. Vanitas was dangerous, vindictive, foul, but his choice gave away something terrible. “Do you hate having become someone else that much?”

The face looking at him flickered, warped. Yellow eyes stared back at him, his face, Vanitas’s eyes, Vanitas’s face, his eyes, a cycle that repeated with so many permutations. Falling back, no longer pinning him down, Vanitas grabbed at his cheeks. He was cracking so quickly, whatever he had done to alter his form unable to hold up in the face of his thoughts and feelings. “Idiot! I am me, this is me, I’ve never been anyone else! My face may have changed, but they’re both mine! This _is_ my face! You don’t understand anything!”

“So explain it to me,” Ven spat, taking solace in the fact that he could respond. Vanitas had been doing this to torment him, and Ventus found himself taking what he knew was a sick satisfaction in how quickly it had backfired. Snarling, Vanitas grabbed him by the shirt again and shook him before slamming him against the ground. “You can’t, can you? You don’t know a thing! You’re like a little kid wanting everything he can get his hands on, just a greedy little brat too stupid to understand the idea that he won’t always get what he wants! You can’t have both, Vanitas! This one’s mine!”

“Shut your mouth,” Vanitas growled, looking for all the world as if he wanted to wring his neck. Both of them knew it would do nothing. The fact that what Vanitas’s face had settled on wasn’t Ven’s said more than words could. He still wanted to slap the other boy, to scream at him for having dared do something so terrible. “Shut up, you’re nothing! You’re just a-”

“Big talk coming from someone who doesn’t even know what he looks like!” Vanitas’s fist colliding with his face felt like nothing but pressure. From his livid expression, the fire in his eyes, Vanitas wanted to make Unversed from what was raging inside of him. He wouldn’t, somehow still holding true to his decision. The idea that perhaps Vanitas was too angry to make any Unversed was less palatable. “What, does the truth hurt? Does it _upset_ you, Vanitas?”

No matter how hard Vanitas hit him, no matter how roughly he was tossed around or how battered he was, nothing he did would accomplish what he wanted. The only pain being inflicted was from Ven’s words. It was Vanitas’s own fault, biting off more than he could chew. Yet again, Vanitas couldn’t take what he was trying to dish out.

“This is my body,” Vanitas hissed, before hitting him again. “You took it from me!”

“Oh, did I? Seems to me like you were always a loser if you didn’t manage to keep it!”

“Shut up! Like you could understand! It was supposed to be mine, it’s mine!”

“Poor little Vanitas, can’t even convince himself to have “his” own face. You’re a sham!”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, the reality of the situation struck Ventus. This was… petty, cruel. Even if Vanitas had been trying to hurt him, what he himself was doing was ugly. It almost felt like the other boy’s behavior was wearing off on him, leeching into him and infecting his heart.

Ven didn’t know if that was the truth, or if he was simply trying to find some excuse for himself.

“A sham,” Vanitas repeated, flabbergasted. A few seconds earlier Ven would have found it funny, would have burst out laughing. Now, all he could think was that Vanitas was pathetic. That was heavy in his gut, making him feel sick. Would he really let himself sink to his level? “How dare-”

“Let go of me.” Ventus said it quietly, though he was cutting Vanitas off. It clearly confused him, an unexpected response to his unfinished exclamation. Perhaps it was because he was so taken aback by it, Vanitas automatically obeyed. Ven sat up slowly, hoping his expression wasn’t as ashamed as he felt. “You did that to hurt me. Are you… ever going to learn that all that’s going to happen is _you_ getting hurt?”

“Don’t act as if you know me,” Vanitas whispered, pale and shaken. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ven could only sigh. Now, all Vanitas was doing was trying to save face. The only thing he was actually accomplishing was making a sad spectacle of himself. “If you did, you would have just given in.”

“Give it a rest.” Ventus wasn’t sure if he’d be able to apologize for it. He knew Vanitas wouldn’t. It was hard to hate something like him. Still, the more they clashed the worse of a person Ven felt himself becoming. “Tell me one thing.”

“No.”

“What, afraid?”

Seething, Vanitas said nothing.

“What do you get out of doing these things? Even back then, you just tried to hurt me over and over again. So why?”

“That’s simply the natural order,” Vanitas replied curtly, words that made no sense to him. He said it with such alarming confidence, making Ven hesitate long enough for him to continue. “When you’re stronger than someone, it’s only natural that you hurt them. If you’re too weak to stop it, you deserve that pain.”

“Why in the world would you…” Even as he began to speak, Ventus realized it. Being weak and being made to feel as if that justified his torment… It was a familiar feeling. If he was being hurt, he needed to be strong enough to prevent that hurt. Getting hurt over and over again, it was meant to be what fueled a desire to obtain power. Ven remembered it, a painful expectation that he’d never been able to live up to.

This had come from Xehanort.

“Don’t give me that look. Are you too stupid to understand that this is how things work?”

“It’s _not_. Being stronger than someone doesn’t give you the right to hurt them!” He’d never accepted that particular lesson, not strong enough to fight what hurt. Did Vanitas really think pain was a natural punishment for weakness? Did Vanitas really think being strong meant hurting others? It explained so much, but was so hard to stomach. If he could hurt someone it meant he was strong, and so he lashed out. A child’s logic. “Strength isn’t about wanting to hurt people!”

“It’s never about what people _want!_ ”

What?

“It just is! If you’re strong, you hurt those who are weak. Whether or not you’re trying to do so, it _will_ happen. Even the best intentions hurt a weak person, don’t they Ventus? He was trying to protect you because you were weak, and he fell right into our master’s clutches because of it. Because Xehanort is stronger than him, and that’s what happens when you’re weak!”

“Shut up! You don’t know anything abou-”

“ _You think I don’t know a thing about Terra?_ ” Vanitas slapped him hard, so hard that it should have knocked the sense from his mind, given him whiplash, made him see stars. Even so, Vanitas’s mere words had his head spinning just as wildly as his strike would have if it had been real. “What do you know about me, Ventus? Terra should have been-! But you won’t ever see him again, so what does it matter what should have happened? He made me fight him, I was going to-”

Not continuing, Vanitas jumped to his feet as if he’d been scalded. From the way he was staring at his hands, he was just realizing he’d lashed out. But after a few seconds, the horror in his eyes drained away to be replaced by something more satisfied. Curling his fingers against his palms, Vanitas let his hands fall back down to his sides.

“Interesting,” Vanitas said finally, blatantly pleased with himself, his smile uncomfortable to look at. It was the smile he’d seen when Vanitas had restrained him, mocked him. Ven had no idea what was interesting, what Vanitas was so happy about, or how it could be that his mood had changed so abruptly. But Vanitas was turning away from him, unafraid of being struck again.

It was almost infuriating how quickly Vanitas had gone from seemingly being on the brink of a meltdown to gleeful.

“What do you mean, huh? What were you going to do?”

Vanitas snorted, and if he’d had pockets Ventus was sure he would have slid his hands into them. “I already told you my plans for the master.”

Saying nothing more, Vanitas’s form dropped into the ground and sped away, leaving him only with his own thoughts. What Vanitas had already told him, whether intentional or not, was concerning to say the least. Terra. Did Vanitas know something he didn’t about Terra? Now that Ven had the chance to actually run over everything in his mind…

Hadn’t Vanitas been strangely fixated? The fury that had filled him as he’d spoken, a voice that was raw with feeling, didn’t seem deserved. The face Vanitas had chosen to wear had been Terra’s. Why? Why that, instead of the face he’d repeatedly stated was his own?

The idea that Vanitas wanted to be Terra, that wasn’t right. That wasn’t why he’d done it, but Ven was hopelessly lost as to what the true reason was. Vanitas wanted something, something that focused around Terra alone.

 _“You saw the boy in the mask?”_ Terra had said it so sharply that he’d been stunned, had stuttered his answer. And once he had replied, in such an angry voice what Terra had said had been… Realizing it, knowing it was important but without knowing why, Ventus covered his mouth with both hands. Though he wanted to ask, to throw Vanitas down and make him answer his questions for once, what he might hear was frightening.

It had been Terra who had told him Vanitas’s name.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rough! Shoutout to my friends who somewhat knew this was coming but are still going to get punched in the face. That said, thanks to everyone who's commented, your comments are the only reason I'm posting this story online.

The bed in the cove looked like a more reasonable size for a single person. Maybe Ven was a restless sleeper, if he needed that much space. Vanitas’s bed, with only a blanket on it, was made up as if it hadn’t been slept in recently. There was no pillow at the head. It was true then, that Vanitas barely needed to sleep. At the very least, it meant Roxas could lay Xion down on that bed and pull a blanket over her to keep her warm. Not that she’d get cold in Sora’s heart, he thought. This was a gentle place, the entirety of it. A world that was much kinder.

Roxas wondered what Vanitas had done, when he had been all alone. There was a stool there, or he thought that was what it was going to be. Two legs were resting apart from the rest. Neither Ven nor Vanitas commented on it – this, certainly, was where they had gone the prior day when Vanitas had sent that group of Unversed. Ven knew the stool was there already, and Vanitas had been the one making it. He was the only one seeing it for the first time. It was dark in the cave of course, but he could still make everything out.

Like Ven had said, there was a set of shelves there as well. It was almost as tall as he was, held together primarily with some sort of rope. Ven had said things washed up on shore when they were needed, so perhaps it had been something like that. Leaning against the shelf was another thing that Ven had told him would be there – an umbrella. How had Vanitas made an umbrella? It looked like it was made from a sailcloth and it wasn’t particularly elegant, but it was undeniably an umbrella and it looked like it functioned. He didn’t think it was any good for rain, but Roxas got the feeling it was more for sun. For some reason Roxas was certain umbrellas existed for that reason, though he wasn’t certain why. Like an awning, perhaps. Made to shield from rain and sun both.

Maybe it was just something Sora had known about, though.

“You think it’ll be long before she wakes up?” Ven’s question, spoken under his breath, was to Vanitas. When Roxas turned his head just enough to try and read Vanitas’s reaction, the other boy looked particularly sullen. He was seriously considering it, Roxas thought.

To his surprise, Vanitas took a few steps toward the bed, leaned down, and hovered his hand over Xion’s chest. Before he could jump forward or say anything, Ven’s hand dropped to his shoulder as if to hold him in place.

“He’s not gonna hurt her, he’s just checking.”

“Checking what?” Ven opened his mouth to answer, but Vanitas was retracting his hand with a scowl. He hadn’t actually touched Xion at all, which was more of a relief than it should have been. Despite his immediate reaction, there had been no reason to believe that Vanitas would hurt her.

“Can’t tell,” Vanitas said after a few seconds, clearly annoyed by the result. “I can see it, sure. But I’m not linked to her, so I can’t see anything _about_ it. It’s just there, doesn’t mean a thing to me.”

“See what?” It felt like a dumb question, because as soon as it left his lips Roxas realized what Vanitas must have meant. Vanitas definitely agreed on that matter, based on his reply.

“Her heart, stupid. Sure, it’s all we are in here, but we’re subconsciously crafting our forms the way we remember them. If you can see through it, you can see the actual heart beneath. Guess you’re just as incompetent as Ventus.” Scoffing, Vanitas stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest. As he was growing to expect, the next action the other boy took was to lean against the wall of the cave. “I’ve got nothing. I don’t know how much she needs to function, I don’t know how much she normally has, and I don’t know how long it’ll take her to recover. Based on how she looked before, I’d say the damage was pretty minor. If it was Ventus, that amount of strain would be a week at most.”

“A week…” He’d hurt Xion so badly that she might need a week to recover? But the pain of losing Axel… that had been something that would have had to come out eventually. How long could he have kept it secret? Roxas didn’t know. Even in a single day, it had been such a poison ripping through him. He still felt awful.

“At most. Her heart’s weak, like I said. Things that Ventus and… well, things _I_ can take I guess.” Ven let out a grunt of irritation, almost scolding. The smirk he got in response was particularly smug. What seemed like affection for each other turned so quickly into petty fighting… Roxas couldn’t figure it out at all. “Anyway. Things a whole heart or a mostly-whole heart can stomach, a weak, newborn one has more trouble with.”

“Her heart’s… a newborn?”

“Figure of speech. Actually, no. I guess it’s more accurate for you two than calling it incomplete.” Vanitas paused briefly, raising one hand to point at Ven. “I’m used to thinking of it in terms of my heart and his heart. We were broken, shattered, so we were incomplete. Pieces healing. Her heart, and your heart, are still growing. Not growing _back_ the way ours were, but growing in the first place. Young. Newborn. Maybe it started as a fragment, though. A fragment, like a seed. And now that seed’s growing.”

“Oh.” It felt just as stupid to say as his question had been. Roxas instead looked at Xion in the dimness of the cave. The only light was what was streaming in from outside. Everyone inside, himself included, was at least partially hidden in shadow. Roxas wished he had a candle to light, or… “Hey, Ven?”

“Yeah.”

“Last night, when we were talking.” Vanitas stiffened, but Ven was smiling easily. “You made a light. How did you do that?”

“Oh, that’s right.” Ven held a hand out, and a tiny sphere of illumination formed within it. It wasn’t bright enough to hurt his eyes suddenly appearing like that, but it did light the cave up enough to see clearly. “It’s been a really long time since I first did it, it’s sort of second nature now. I don’t know if this is a good way to explain it, but I just… think of light, and picture it sort of showing up in my hand. I couldn’t do it in my actual body, it’s not like a magical attack. So I think it’s something to do with Sora’s heart and how it works.”

“Seems it responds to necessity. It could have just sent us candles, but it chose this for whatever reason. More appealing, maybe. If we’re capable of doing something and it isn’t urgent, we’re mostly left to our own devices to figure it out. If it’s something we’re incapable of doing, we’re given things to help us do it or become capable of doing it. Like so.” Vanitas too extended a hand, another smaller orb forming in his palm. It lifted off of him, unlike the one Ven was still cradling, and shot off to orbit Ven’s. Though Ven smiled a strange smile at it, Vanitas’s face remained blank. “Within limits, of course. These lights are cosmetic. Most of the things we do are cosmetic. Only our interactions with one another are tangible, and even then the setting for them remains an illusion. The form of Sora’s heart is this island, but at the same time it is an infinite but restricted realm capable of taking any shape. We cannot permanently alter it or even affect it, only the things it gives us. There is no truth to it beyond the fact that it is Sora. We are the only thing within it that is truly consistent, besides Sora himself. And yet within this place we can and do change. Sora, too, changes.”

“Vanitas, come on. You’re gonna confuse him.” The light circling Ven’s slowed its progress, and Vanitas narrowed his eyes into a foul expression. Ven was right. He _was_ confused, trying to take in those words and the ideas behind them. Sora’s heart had no form, but had a form? What was _that_ supposed to mean? The two ideas were such a harsh contradiction. They couldn’t both be right.

“If he can’t understand it that’s his fault. I can’t help it if he’s stupid.”

“Why do you have to say it like that?” They were about to fight again, Roxas noted dully. He sat on the bed next to Xion, putting his head in his hands.

“Like _what_ , Ventus?”

“You’re saying all this complicated, unnecessary stuff to him on purpose.”

“How else am I supposed to explain the nature of what we’re capable of in this place? Would you prefer I say, “It’s magic” and just leave it at that, or do you want me to actually say something sensible?”

“It’s _not_ sensible, it’s just a bunch of abstract concepts and you’re doing it to antagonize Roxas and confuse him! And you’re just going to confuse me too!”

“Sora _is_ an abstract concept! This heart is an abstract concept, our home is an abstract concept, and in this place _we are all abstract concepts!_ Pretending it’s not the case doesn’t change it, we have no form and yet we have form, we are hearts without bodies that feel with skin we don’t possess. Everything about us here is a concept, Ventus! People are, fundamentally, concepts!”

It was too much to take in. What was a person? That question had haunted him for so long, and now even Vanitas was throwing it out in the open. Worse, Vanitas was throwing it out in the open surrounded by even more ideas that were sending his mind spinning. Cradling his head in his hands, Roxas said nothing. Just hearts. A concept. He was a concept, but did that mean he wasn’t real? What was being real? His thoughts were fuzzy, unable to stabilize.

“Vanitas, why are you _being_ like this? What’s going on with you, huh?”

Vanitas said nothing, but the tiny ball of light he’d created paused completely before bumping up against the one Ven had created. Watching it for a moment, Ven extended one finger to it and snorted when it immediately began to circle that instead. Though he was still silent, Vanitas seemed almost indignant.

“You know, even little kids know how to share.” Ven’s voice was wry, and after a moment Roxas thought that perhaps it was teasing. He didn’t know what those words meant. What did Vanitas not want to share? What did it have to do with the series of statements Vanitas had spoken that he couldn’t understand? Instead of asking, he only lifted his head in the silence, and saw a light vanish.

Roxas wasn’t sure if the light Vanitas had created had been snuffed out, or if it was absorbed into Ven’s. Whichever it had been, Vanitas seemed satisfied by the result. Still, the action he took was to turn away from them and stare out the mouth of the cave.

“I’m not sure what the actual answer is,” Ven said finally, and Roxas had no idea what the question was. He thought that he had no idea what anything was, really. Even the things he’d thought he knew, lately he felt he’d never actually understood them. “But in here, we’re alive. In here we exist, even if it’s just a… even if we don’t have true forms. There’s lots of questions I have. Things just aren’t clear-cut, and that’s the kind of thing I don’t like at all. We don’t get hurt when we’re struck, but we can feel things that are good like the breeze on our skin. We can eat, but what we eat doesn’t go anywhere. I don’t think we need to breathe, but it feels weird and bad to not do that and it makes me panic. But does it really matter?”

“What does that even mean?” Roxas was ashamed of how his voice cracked, but Vanitas didn’t turn or say a word, and Ven only smiled. That smile was nervous, unsure, but it was genuine nonetheless. “How does it not matter, how can that be?”

“I just think the form we take, or the form we don’t take I guess, is less important than the fact that we’re able to take it. Vanitas thinks about that kind of thing all the time, but I really do hate it. It’s confusing, things that have no answers.” Ven waved a hand almost dismissively. Roxas had seen Vanitas do the same thing. They were a lot alike, but of course they were. Once, they’d been one. Vanitas seemed to be ignoring what Ven was saying entirely, but he was definitely listening. “He thinks about that, because he’s weird. A normal person hates questions with no answers, I think. It hurts my head, but apparently to him it’s interesting.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Ventus. You’re right, though. It doesn’t matter. I exist, you exist, he exists, she exists. Who we are is what we make of ourselves.” Vanitas tilted his head just enough to look at Roxas, and his eyes were strangely soft. Having looked at Ven, his eyes had become soft. “Origins aside, our paths diverged. I’m not Ventus. Ventus isn’t me. I exist because Ventus was hurt. Thinking about that helps me keep things in perspective. It reminds me of what I’m capable of and what’s already been done. How I came to be.”

“Yeah, but even so… Even though it was awful, you’re not to blame for that. You didn’t make yourself, you know. But, you _are_ to blame for a lot of other things! I won’t forget about them.”

“I’d be angry if you did,” Vanitas shot back, in a tone that made the hairs on the back of Roxas’s neck start to rise. “What’s the point in what we are if you just wave aside the past? Because you held me accountable I actually changed things.”

“You mean because I beat you up?” Roxas realized it immediately this time – Ven was teasing. Vanitas’s mouth fell open, and then he scoffed loudly. The smile on Ven’s face seemed a little malicious. Again, it seemed so bizarre. Despite how blatantly, terrifyingly powerful Vanitas was and how quick he was to make smart remarks about Ven being weak, it had been Ven who’d won. As tame and calm as he seemed to Roxas… was Ven the strongest person he’d ever met? “Sure, we fought a few times after. Eventually we both realized fighting was pointless. We can’t get hurt in here, so it was just a stalemate. I’d won and all he had was his tantrums. Nothing came out of it. We avoided each other for probably weeks, but you can only do that for so long. There nothing else to do, so I just talked to him. There were so many things going wrong, so we _had_ plenty to talk about, and fight about, and all that. Things really did change when… Well! He’s being a baby, so I’m gonna give away a secret.”

“Ventus, don’t you _dare_ tell him about that!” Vanitas lunged forward, and Ven ducked immediately as if he was expecting it. It became a wild chase in seconds, Vanitas reaching out and Ven dancing out of his grasp. Even as it went on, Ven was already spilling out the words.

“What, what, that when you talked about Terra for the first time you got so upset that you almost cried?”

“Ventus!” Vanitas was bright red, and Roxas couldn’t blame him. It was definitely not what he’d been expecting to hear. Part of him couldn’t believe it, that Vanitas was even capable of crying. But that recent memory sprang back into his mind, of how the violent pull that Vanitas was able to exert and how it had manifested in response to what he’d asked.

_“Vanitas, what happened to Terra?”_

What was Vanitas’s relationship with Terra? Why did the mention of him bring such unrest to Vanitas? The strained expression on his face that had come before he’d called Terra Ven’s brother, what had prompted it?

Could it have been that Terra was important enough to Vanitas that Ven talking about him had brought him to the brink of tears? And again, it made Roxas desperate to know about this stranger who he might never meet. Who was Terra, that Ven cared so much about him that he’d broken down ten years later? Who was Terra, that even Vanitas had almost come to tears over him?

What had _happened_ to Terra?

“See? He’s a baby!”

“You’re the baby! You cry constantly over him and the rest of your friends, but _I’m_ the one who gets made fun of for it? I didn’t even actually cry, and it was your fault in the first place!” Vanitas was mortified, and Roxas found himself actually starting to laugh. The faint tension in the air was what tipped him off even before a black haze began to emerge from Vanitas. Ven found that even funnier, based on how quick he was to jump on it.

“You’re getting that worked up? Why’s that, huh? You never even talked to him! All you did was take a few potshots at him to keep up appearances and then aim straight for me and Aqua!”

What?

“ _You_ lived with him for four years, I didn’t need to talk to him!”

_What?_

“Come on, tell Roxas why don’t you? The truth! Tell him the truth!”

“Oh, come on! Would one of you tell me what is going _on_?”

“I already told you, Terra is, is _Ventus’s_ brother!” Vanitas’s voice was high and almost whining, and it had Ven snickering and snorting uncontrollably. Intense affection for Terra aside, it seemed like he was delighted to tease Vanitas over him apparently becoming emotional over him. And he was becoming emotional now, bright red and frozen in place with embarrassment, energy pouring off his body but taking no form. “Shut up, Ventus!”

“What’ll you do if I don’t?”

“Don’t test me! Roxas may be stupid but he’s not that stupid.”

“Hey!” He was really, really sick of Vanitas calling him an idiot.

“Oh, you wouldn’t.” Ven said it with complete confidence, and for a moment Vanitas only gaped at him. Precious seconds passed, and Roxas realized it with a pang of enjoyment. Ven was right. Whatever implicit threat Vanitas had pulled had been nothing but a bluff. Though dark energy was still swirling around him, nothing was coming of it – no dangerous pull, no Unversed. It had been an empty threat, but of what? “Ha! See? He can’t do it.”

“Do _what?_ ”

Vanitas seethed in humiliated silence, and as Roxas watched a dark sphere started to form around his head. Ven’s laughter cut off abruptly, his smile melting off his face. Whatever it was, it was quickly enveloping and concealing Vanitas.

“Vanitas, come on. I know you’re upset, but don’t put the mask on.”

“I’ll do whatever I see fit,” Vanitas hissed, and when the dark cloud dissipated it was to reveal that, just as Ven had said, a mask had solidified around him. It was pitch-black in color, round and shiny, connecting perfectly with the metal that lined his jaw and confirming that it had been part of the helmet all along. “Serves you right.”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I was just teasing, guess I took it too far. Take the mask off?”

“No.”

“Will you make some Unversed?” Roxas didn’t know what that meant.

“ _No_.”

“Vanitas, come on.” Even with the mask hiding his eyes, from the way his head was turned Roxas knew Vanitas wasn’t looking at Ven. Sulking, even more intensely than before. Vanitas had gone from subdued to amazingly dramatic in only a few seconds. Though it seemed sort of funny to him, it wasn’t to Ven. “Vanitas, you know I hate it when you put that on.”

“Shut up, Ventus.”

“What do I have to do to get you to take that off again?”

“Give me something to do that I can’t do with it on.” Ven turned bright red at those words, and he snatched Vanitas by the arm and yanked him bodily out of the cave. Though Ven was being surprisingly rough, Vanitas went with him easily. Hesitating for a moment, Ven tossed the orb of light back into the cave. It bobbed along at an easy pace, before starting to circle in the center. Roxas was a little grateful for it.

“Stay right there, Roxas! I’ll be back, I just, I have to _talk to him_.” Whatever it was Vanitas had told Ven to do was something he was annoyed by. He had no idea what kind of expression was on Vanitas’s face, but neither did Ven certainly. “It might take a little while!”

Roxas couldn’t help immediately getting to his feet and creeping to the mouth of the cave. Ven was already talking, so low that he could barely make out the words. Knowing it was wrong to listen in, Roxas nonetheless strained his ears.

“You can’t just _say_ that stuff, what kind of message does that send Roxas? He and Xion are gonna get weird ideas.” Vanitas grunted, but didn’t reply. Loathe as he was to admit it, it sent no message to him whatsoever. The letter Vanitas had written and mailed was in gibberish. “Vanitas… You’re that strung out?”

“I _missed_ you.” He’d thought so. Was Vanitas’s borderline tantrum a result of a year’s worth of loneliness flooding out of him uncontrollably? It almost made Roxas feel bad for him. “Can you blame me for wanting to be alone with you for more than five measly minutes?”

“I missed you too. I was really scared, you know! I-I thought you might have been gone forever…” It alarmed him a little. Ven’s voice had been choked for just a second. What had happened? How had they been split apart? “A-and… I really, really do want to start making up for lost time. But you can’t have all of my attention. We’re just not alone here anymore, you get that. Sorry I fell asleep like that last night. And I know you’re hurt that I turned you away yesterday.”

“I know why you did it,” Vanitas said sullenly. Roxas wasn’t sure what Vanitas had been turned away from. Maybe it was whatever had happened in the tree house, after the armor had fallen. “I get it. I was frustrated and being childish, just like I am now. The way I’m acting is no good, I’m letting things get bad again. You were right to shut me out for it.”

“I didn’t _want_ to do that, I’m stressed too! Not just because of that. All of this stuff is happening, and I don’t understand it, and I don’t know what to do. I spent so much time not knowing if you were, were gone. Even if it’s just for a little bit, I felt like being with you might make all the bad stuff go away. I wanted to hold onto you too, you know. Even back then, I was just… trying to do that.”

Roxas found himself raising his eyebrows at that. What Vanitas had wanted was to be embraced? It was something wildly soft, contrasting his sharp edges in a way that made little sense. The idea of it was strange. But the night before, rather than carrying Ven on his back hadn’t Vanitas held him in his arms? After a year with no human contact, maybe he was starved for it.

Still, the idea that what Vanitas wanted was a hug was honestly funny.

“See? You’d rather not think about difficult things after all.”

“I never said you were _wrong_ about it.”

“You know they won’t vanish just because you’re ignoring the problems. Get better at dealing with them, Ventus.”

“Who put his mask on because he got embarrassed? No, that wasn’t actually it, was it? Vanitas… why did you put that back on? Do you really need it again? I thought you trusted me, are you really that mad at me? Look, what I just said was so messed up, it was messed up to make fun of you over that. I knew how you felt, and I still said something like that.” Roxas’s earlier amusement at Vanitas’s reactions, it was gone. Rather than just embarrassment, Vanitas had genuinely been upset by Ven’s words. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

“You’re unstable again. The damage is written all over your heart. Your actions are influenced by your injuries, Ventus.”

“Still, it was wrong! Don’t brush it off, who does that help? Especially because you’re not brushing off what you did even though it’s for the same reason! You’re hurt too, so why are you only giving me a pass?” A long pause, and then Ven’s sigh. “Can you trust me again?”

“I do trust you. I _don’t_ trust them.”

“Look… I promise I’ll make up for it tonight, okay? I know you were lonely. I’ll figure out something to say to Roxas and Xion so they won’t come by after sunset. We can talk as much as you want, we can do whatever you want. So, let me see your face again?”

Their voices fell silent for a moment. Roxas wondered if they were having some kind of standoff, or if they were somehow communicating without words. Vanitas was right. He and Xion were dense. Did they just have no context for what it was that Ven and Vanitas shared?

“ _Th_ _at’s_ better.” The mask was off, then. It was actually a relief, if only because it meant whatever tension between them had been lessened. Maybe Vanitas would be a little kinder to him as well, but Roxas wasn’t optimistic about that. “I’d rather see your whole face, but I’ll take it.”

“Don’t be so pleased with yourself. You’re on probation, you know. One wrong move is all it takes.”

“Probation again, huh? Sure, sure. But you’ll keep me company tonight, right?”

“Don’t act so suave, it doesn’t suit you.” There was a cloud of energy that he could sense forming outside, something warm and heavy. It was a good feeling. Vanitas was making Unversed, ones that weren’t cruel. Roxas wondered what they looked like, if he’d see them or if they were something just for Ven. “Here.”

“You big sap. Me too.”

“You’re one to talk, crybaby.”

Ven laughed quietly, and from outside the cave came a soft sound. He didn’t know what it was, because of course he didn’t. It was actually frustrating, knowing it was one piece of the many that made up the Ven-and-Vanitas puzzle. Even if he put them all in place, Roxas knew he wouldn’t be able to decipher the image. “Haha… Okay. Feel better?”

“… I _guess_. You know I’d get over it on my own. I can sulk it out and handle it, make some Unversed, sort it out. You didn’t have to drag me out here and leave Roxas all alone.”

“Well you were being so stubborn that you _weren’t_ making Unversed. And Roxas isn’t alone, he’s with Xion.”

“She’s asleep, not exactly an avid conversationalist. You’re right that it’s not fair to just dump them in the sand, they’re basically lost children in here. Don’t say it, I know we’re not that much better. It’s not an insult, I don’t mean it in a bad way. It’s not their fault they don’t know what’s going on or how it works in here. I’m being difficult about it, I know that and I know they don’t deserve it. I’m taking out my frustration in a stupid way, I have no defense for myself.”

“At least you understand it, I guess. Thanks for telling me the truth. But you’re right that you’re letting things get bad again. I get why, but that doesn’t make this okay. I’m not going to just let you act like this.”

“Right. Glad to have you holding me accountable. Means I can’t be a spoiled brat all the time.” Ven laughed at that. The realization that Vanitas knew exactly how rude he was being definitely put a different spin on their prior interactions. Was it really nothing more than a stress-induced tantrum? Roxas thought that if he’d gone a year all alone, not knowing where Axel and Xion were, thinking they might be hurt… Maybe he’d be acting the same way. How had Ven managed to be so cheerful?

“Will you go talk to Roxas and actually explain things in simpler terms?”

“You’re better at it.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t a big confusing jerk to him. He’s got enough problems trying to sort out who and what he is.”

“What’s it matter? Sora’s Nobody sure, whatever that means. But not just that.” It was strange, the fact that Vanitas’s immediate response was so soothing and insanely annoying at once. Ven and Vanitas had never met Sora. They only knew a part of him. Were they the only people he’d ever met besides Axel, Xion, and Naminé who looked at him and saw him, rather than _just_ a fractured-off piece of Sora? Roxas still wasn’t confident that he was anything more than that either.

“You know it’s not that simple. Even people who aren’t Nobodies want to know who they are. It’s hard, of course we want to understand ourselves. I don’t blame him. You spent plenty of time trying to figure yourself out too.”

“Tch. I do hate it when you’re right.”

“You know I hate it when _you’re_ right too.”

“Yeah. I’ll hold you to that promise, you know.”

“Sure thing, you can count on me. So let’s go together, right?” There was that sound again. Abruptly, Roxas realized that if the situation had been defused, they’d be coming back any second. Though he wanted to keep listening, he didn’t know what would happen if the two of them realized he had been doing so all along. As silently as he could, even though he could still hear the murmur of voices, he made his way back to the bed and sat down once more. Xion hadn’t moved at all, still sleeping peacefully.

Instead of trying to make out the words being spoken, Roxas finally truly looked around the cave. The shelves there were, for some reason, covered in rocks of varying sizes, all of which looked like they’d fit easily in his hand nonetheless. It seemed that was where all of the rocks that weren’t uselessly huge had gone – Vanitas, probably, had collected them from the beach and was using them. There was a crate there too, though he didn’t feel like he had any right to open it and find out what was inside. Storage, probably. Maybe for more makeshift tools.

It wasn’t just rocks on the shelves, Roxas realized. Scattered among them were dozens of shells, and on the highest shelf was a half of a coconut shell with a collection of nails of varying lengths inside. Vanitas really had managed to make them, then… unless a box of them had washed up on the shore and he had gleefully kept the knowledge from Ven. He wasn’t sure which it was. They both were equally plausible, because despite his numerous personal failings it seemed like Vanitas was legitimately intelligent and skilled enough to pull it off. That part of Vanitas was pretty cool, Roxas reluctantly admitted to himself. It wasn’t quite enough to cancel out everything else about him.

Sighing, Roxas stood. The shells were all different shapes and sizes, not all of them the kind they were using for the Wayfinders. Most of them were, though. He took one of the other shells carefully, turning it to catch the light. Would he be able to hear the sound of the waves? But if he stepped out of the cave, the ocean would be stretched out before him. There wasn’t much point in holding a shell up to his ear, not when the real thing was right outside.

Roxas set the shell down beside Xion, not knowing what else to do. Did Ven and Vanitas track the passage of time? Did it even match up with the outside world, or did Sora’s heart run on its own clock? He didn’t want to think about it. Everything about the way things were in Sora’s heart was confusing, too confusing.

If Xion stayed asleep, he figured he’d just do what he’d done the last time. Collect a shell every day, and bring it to her. Roxas wasn’t sure if there was anything else he could do. Bring back seashells, and…

“Xion, don’t leave me hanging too long okay? I don’t think they’re bad people, I really don’t. Even Vanitas. But if I’m here with just the two of them and their constant fighting I’m gonna go crazy, you know.” Though her cheek was warm against the back of his hand, Xion of course said nothing. All he could do was try to be optimistic, Roxas thought. He’d keep his cool and, in all likelihood, end up learning more and more about the other inhabitants of Sora’s heart. And Xion would wake up, and he’d relay as much of that information as possible in the hopes of understanding it.

“Roxas.” It was Vanitas who entered the cave again, his face bare once more. His expression was mostly neutral now, the lines that normally furrowed his brow barely noticeable. An Unversed was trailing after him, the flower he’d seen the night before. One smooth vine had wrapped around his hand and was holding tight, while the other stretched far, far out of the cave. Part of Roxas wanted to taunt him a little for what he now knew with certainty had been a tantrum. Part of him thought that he wouldn’t survive the act. “You know… you have a lot more nerve than I thought.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”

Vanitas pointed to the ground, where he’d left footprints in the sand. His cheeks were reddening as he did so, but he still didn’t appear particularly angry. Roxas opened his mouth to defend himself, and found he had nothing to say. It had been sort of an awful thing to do from the start, spying on their conversation.

“I can’t say I’m unimpressed, though.” Vanitas, faintly smiling, leaned against the wall of the cave. He seemed… content, somehow. As if learning that Roxas was willing to risk getting caught eavesdropping had made him happy. “I was starting to think the two of you were afraid of me. Guess not, then. You, go to Ventus.”

The Unversed spun on its pointed bottom half, its vine slowly uncoiling from Vanitas’s hand. It made what was almost a clicking, whirring noise, leaving a single trail in the sand as it sped off. A few seconds later, Ven’s laughter made it clear that it had arrived to keep him company.

“… Well, Ven’s not afraid of you, so I don’t think I should be either.” Vanitas snorted in response, but it didn’t feel like he was being laughed at. Maybe Vanitas agreed with what he’d heard. It was the only thing Roxas could think to say. Ven had an aura of trustworthiness, and so Roxas found himself simply believing that unless his doppleganger was worried about something, there wasn’t anything to worry about at all. For the most part, at least. Ven was undeniably stronger than him, so it wasn’t as if they were on the same risk level.

“Fair enough. You know something about Ventus? He was so stupid from the beginning that no matter how hard I tried and no matter how blatantly dangerous I proved myself to be… that idiot was never, ever afraid of me.” It was strange to see a smile on Vanitas’s face that wasn’t smug in the slightest. A _smile_ , not a smirk at all. Though he wasn’t sure why, it somehow reminded him of Riku – a soft, satisfied smile. Roxas wondered what had happened that had brought such a profound change to Vanitas as a person. That smile was warm, made him feel warm. “Guess he was right, though. You heard him say it himself, didn’t you? I couldn’t beat him when the cards were down. Feels weird to admit it, but he’s stronger than me. He’s a better person than me too, that’s why he found it in his heart to… Well, he’s not smarter than me though. I do still have that, even if I don’t have my pride as a warrior. Ventus trounced me. He even destroyed my Keyblade, can you believe that?”

“ _You_ had a Keyblade?” The words were out of his mouth before Roxas could think to stop them, dripping with stunned disbelief. Now, the expression on Vanitas’s face seemed more like Sora than it ever had before. He almost expected to hear it, in Sora’s higher voice, an indignant “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”. But the words never came. Vanitas had wielded a Keyblade against Ven. Why was that a surprise? Their battle had been for and over a Keyblade.

“Of course I had a Keyblade, don’t be stupid. My heart was part of Ventus’s heart, we both have the power. Had, maybe. I can’t wield it anymore. He can’t wield his either, and I’m sure the two of you are likewise disarmed. We don’t need them here. Probably, only Sora’s Keyblade can exist in his heart. Even if you were able to summon them, though… Ah, well. Ventus did try to destroy us both.” Vanitas pursed his lips faintly, the corners of his mouth that always seemed closed tightening. He was thinking about something unpleasant, or remembering. Roxas wasn’t sure which, at least not until he began to speak again. “When Ventus returns to his body, I’m not confident that he’ll be able to use his right away. When we were split into two, he lost his abilities along with his wits and his awareness. What he did to us isn’t the same, of course, and we’ve largely recovered with… only, only a few setbacks.”

He couldn’t let the opportunity go again. There had been those tiny hints, and he’d take the opening if it killed him.

“What setbacks?” Vanitas’s jovial expression had vanished much earlier, but now it was something even less pleasant. It had been something bad. Of course it was, Roxas told himself with some annoyance. It wouldn’t have been a setback if it wasn’t bad.

“Are you an idiot? Don’t answer that. Figure it out yourself.” He didn’t like the feeling coming from Vanitas, or the tension in his expression. But he was desperate to know. Vanitas had to realize he _couldn’t_ figure it out himself. Despite the pressure of Vanitas’s growing agitation, he opened his mouth again.

“You and Ven.” Roxas took a deep breath, knowing he had to ask. The air felt so heavy. He pushed through it. “What happened in here? What happened to you and Ven when Sora became a Heartless? There’s no way you’ve forgotten. Why did Ven leave?”

Vanitas’s expression vanished.

The light still bobbing easily at the top of the cave was extinguished immediately, and from Vanitas’s motionless form a violent wind began to pick up. It yanked at his clothing, and if he’d been standing he thought he wouldn’t have been able to remain upright. On his bare skin, it did something that Roxas hadn’t thought was possible in this place – it _stung_. It stung like being whipped, the vicious wind that knocked everything from the shelves and tried even to yank the blanket out from under him.

He could no longer see Vanitas’s face, because everything in the cave was pitch-black. Even the exit was gone, all light absorbed and lost. It was almost as if a tornado was forming around the black hole that Vanitas so easily became, and Roxas fought to hold an arm up and shield himself from the rain of shells and rocks. Unlike the wind itself they didn’t hurt, but they pelted his body nonetheless. Vanitas had been wrong. Roxas _was_ afraid. The being standing there, whipping their reality into a frenzied storm, was terrifying. He could see nothing, could only hear the howling and feel everything that slammed into him. His pulse was racing, thumping in his ears.

Would Vanitas destroy him for his question? Would Vanitas destroy… He didn’t let himself finish the thought, throwing his body over Xion’s. If he didn’t hold on to her he’d lose her – that was the feeling that filled him. It hurt. How was it hurting him? What was coming off of Vanitas that was actually inflicting damage upon him as nothing but a heart? Whatever it was, Roxas knew he couldn’t let it reach Xion. Breathing was a struggle, his head spinning. Something was squeezing his chest tightly, almost strangling him with its force.

He was going to lose what mattered-

Even with how tightly he clung to Xion, Roxas could feel his entire body starting to shake. Could he hold on with his weak self? If he let go, she’d be gone. There was a loud crack. Something heavy slammed into the rock wall above him. A shelf? Had the force exploding from Vanitas started to rip the furniture in the room to pieces? A sharp tension filled the air abruptly, dancing on what little skin he had bare. Another crack sounded, an echoing boom immediately following it and making his ears ring. If he let go-

Was Vanitas in control of this, or not?

The wind ripped it away, the terrified sound that finally fought its way past his lips.

And, just as abruptly as it had started, all of it vanished. When he barely lifted his head from Xion, still filled with overwhelming fear, Roxas saw that whatever had happened was over. The clatter of everything landing again was drowned out by Ven’s shout, not particularly far away. The only thing louder than it was the pounding of Roxas’s heart.

“Vanitas, _quit it!_ ”

Letting out a slow, even breath, Vanitas turned his head to look outside. Though he wasn’t sure, Roxas thought there was an odd sheen on Vanitas’s skin. His breathing after that single smooth exhalation was too fast, too shallow. It was too dark to tell, but the other boy looked… sick. Maybe it was just his imagination, because his mind was still spinning in a panic. Maybe it was the dark haze shrouding Vanitas’s body.

Within seconds, Roxas realized it hadn’t all been in his head. Vanitas was covering his mouth with both hands, his body beginning to shudder as if he was about to vomit. Shivering uncontrollably, Roxas made no move to sit up. He simply wrapped his arms tighter around Xion and said nothing as Vanitas swallowed something back and let out a wavering sigh.

“He asked what happened in here when Sora became a Heartless,” Vanitas said, loudly enough that it would carry out into the cove. “So I _showed him_.”

“Vanitas… Do you…?”

“Depends. Do _you_ want to tell him about it?”

“I _don’t_ and you know it.” Ven’s voice cracked on the words. Vanitas hesitated visibly, and he took a step outside of the cave. Though he hated to admit it to himself, Vanitas walking away both scared and relieved him. But what he said next had Roxas burying his head in the crook of Xion’s neck.

“Ventus, I’m… sorry.” There was a long pause, during which he did nothing. During which no one did anything at all. “Roxas. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I don’t want to answer that question. Don’t… _please_ don’t… ask it again.”

“Right,” Roxas whispered, as tears started to stream down his face onto Xion’s neck and shoulder. He’d been stupid to ask, having seen the discontent growing around Vanitas. Had he forgotten what had happened when he’d asked about Terra? How had he been so stupid as to not consider something similar occurring? Had he just thought he could stomach it? Roxas knew now that he couldn’t. “I’m… sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Vanitas said, sounding horribly pained. It made him more curious than ever, but more afraid to ask than ever as well. Roxas didn’t look up from Xion, wishing she would wake and squeeze him back. Because he didn’t, he had no idea what expression was on Vanitas’s face when he sniffed. Just once, quietly. The idea that Vanitas might cry was frightening. He didn’t think he could bear that. “I only just got him back, you know.”

Roxas had known.

Slowly, his mind still reeling, the instinct to pick Xion up and run as fast as he could still screaming at him, Roxas sat up once more. Vanitas had created a sputtering light, and it let him see the chaos that the cave had fallen into.

Everything in the room besides the bed that their bodies had held down had been torn to pieces. Even then, the frame of it was scored with wide gouges. Roxas didn’t know if it had been from that wind, or the debris that had been sent spiraling through the air. The crate that had been on the floor next to the shelves was nothing but splintered planks, and what must have been its contents were now strewn across the floor of the cave. Long lengths of twine that had surely been neatly coiled, but were now a mess of knots. Rope. Multiple blankets, shattered driftwood. All of the rocks from the shelves, all of the shells, the nails, and the shelves themselves. The seat of the stool that Vanitas had been making was cracked in two and smoldering. Roxas didn’t know where the other half of it had gone. That was what the lightning had struck, it seemed. Everything that had been in the room…

Vanitas had destroyed all of it. Only the walls of the cave remained pristine, as if despite the damage he had done to the things he’d created Vanitas had inflicted nothing upon the foundations of Sora’s heart. Roxas didn’t know whether or not he was reassured by that.

He didn’t think Vanitas had done it on purpose.

“Stupid. ’m stupid. I called all of you idiots, I call Ventus an idiot all the time. I’m the idiot.” Vanitas sat down hard, tangling his hands in his hair and pulling on it in a way that, if it could hurt, would definitely have hurt terribly. Roxas didn’t know if Vanitas could inflict pain on himself, if any of them could. But when he actually looked at Vanitas, he saw that harsh red welts had appeared on his skin. The wind that he’d created had cut into him as well, and the wounds looked awful. Something was swirling around him, but before it could take form as an Unversed Vanitas sucked it back in. It only seemed to make him look sicker. He was breathing hard, almost panting, looking again as if he’d throw up. “I knew where it was going. As soon as, you got close to that question, I should have just s-said not to ask it. I should have. I’m _weak_.”

“Vanitas.” It was Ven’s voice, quiet. Vanitas flinched before looking up and out of the cave. The Ven that stepped in looked afraid, hesitant. Roxas knew immediately that what Ven was afraid of wasn’t the sheer destructive power that had ripped the room apart. As Ven knelt beside Vanitas and wrapped his arms around him, Roxas knew that Ven was afraid for Vanitas. “I should have come here right away, as soon as you started getting upset. It’s happening again, isn’t it? I’m sorry Vanitas, I was being stupid. I know you’re injured, what’s wrong with me?”

“Don’t you baby me,” Vanitas sighed, even as he visibly relaxed into the embrace. Just that contact had drained the tension out of him, as if the only thing he really needed was the reassurance that Ven was next to him. Sora’s transformation was what had ripped them apart. He knew it definitively now. “I just scared Roxas half to death, you should be comforting him.”

“ _Roxas_ didn’t just turn into a black hole.” Vanitas’s arms curled around Ven’s middle, and he shoved his face against the other boy’s shoulder to hide it. As Roxas watched Ven stroke Vanitas’s hair down, he could even feel himself starting to calm. Just seeing that repetitive motion was enough to start to actually settle his mind. Shivering, Roxas tugged his sleeve up over his palm and used it to wipe his face. “Roxas, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Roxas replied shakily, his voice audibly hoarse. Ven’s expression had already been gently pained, and it only seemed to intensify at his response. He was so tired, exhaustion weighing on his mind. “I’m sorry. I-I… knew he was upset, but I just wanted to know so badly.”

“… Look… Someday, I’ll tell you. I promise. _I’ll_ tell you. I don’t want to think about it. Neither of us do. Are you hurt?”

Roxas couldn’t even think to answer with anything but the truth. “A little.” Vanitas’s shoulders jerked, and Ven squeezed him tighter. It was obvious now, undeniable even, that the terrifying scene that had just unfolded… Vanitas hadn’t meant to do any of it. His initial response to Ven had been a failed attempt to pretend he was in control. That only made it worse. “It only really hurt for a second, it… stung. The wind. I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt now.”

“Right… good. I mean, not good, but I’m glad you’re okay. Vanitas, you _need_ to let it out, I know that it’s… oh. Ah, jeez.” The way Vanitas had slumped into unconsciousness was unfortunately obvious. It felt absurd. Despite Ven and Vanitas saying that sleeping was mostly optional, every single one of them had passed out over the course of less than a day. What had just happened was enough to knock even Vanitas out, and Roxas knew soon he’d be fighting to stay awake. Was emotional damage that severe in this place, or were they all just weak? Worse, something black and foul-looking was dripping down Vanitas’s chin from his mouth. What he’d been choking down was finally spilling out from his closed lips. Ven hesitated at the sight of it. None of them had anything to wipe that stuff away with, whatever it was. “Even though he can still do something like that, he’s not… really _better_ yet. Not all the way. And he hurt himself aga… He hurt himself doing that.”

“He said he recovers faster than you.” Roxas said it quietly, and Ven looked up with a faint grin.

“He does. He really does, it’s almost unfair. But I wasn’t reduced to almost nothing. Vanitas was. He’s still injured from it, we’re both injured. I don’t want to talk about it. We were scared. That’s… that’s all. We were scared.” Ven had made no move to set Vanitas down, no move to let go of him at all even though he was still leaking what had to be vomit. Roxas thought he knew why. Ven was afraid to let go. Quietly, Ven exhaled – slow, deep, calm. “Look, I know this is all a lot to take in. Vanitas does so many things that aren’t normal or good. There are parts of him that he can’t change, that he can only figure out how to work around. I never would have imagined that he’d try to fix what he can. He’s trying to fix it, believe it or not. He’s trying to fix himself, as much as he can. I can’t fix him for him, and I don’t want to. To be honest, I don’t think he’s broken, though _he’d_ probably say he is.”

“Defective,” Vanitas had called himself. Roxas didn’t speak, and Ven continued.

“I know why he thinks of himself that way, and I don’t blame him for it. Parts of his heart are all messed up, I won’t pretend they aren’t. It’s not your fault that this happened, you had no reason to expect something like this. Vanitas isn’t…” Ven paused, and Roxas got the feeling he wanted to say something entirely different from what he said. “Stuff’s gone wrong. Vanitas is trying to make it right, and to be a better person than he used to be. It’s not my job to change him. This is something _he_ has to do. I’m trying to be there for him while he does, and when I’m hurting he tries to be there for me. It’s hard. It’s hard for both of us, trying to help each other and patch everything that was broken back up. But I know I’m… never going to give up and walk away, as long as he never gives up on himself. Wherever me and Vanitas go from here on out, we’ll go together. Because I…”

“Saw his face?”

“Something like that,” Ven said wryly, and when he looked back to Vanitas his expression softened. He pressed his cheek against the top of Vanitas’s head and sighed. That soft attention was something that made Roxas’s eyelids feel even heavier just to watch. It was like Ven was radiating some sort of soothing energy. Maybe he truly was. “I saw him crying, and finally understood why.”

Roxas couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Hey… you look exhausted. It was scary, right? You were scared, and it hurt. You should sleep, it’s okay. Vanitas, he’s going to sleep too for a while. Probably not as long as Xion. I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Are… are you sure?” It was tempting. It was unbelievably tempting. He was so tired that his mind was clouding, making it hard to think. Cramped as that bed would be with both Xion and himself packed into it, Roxas really just wanted to curl up at her side and relinquish his tenuous grasp on consciousness. But if he slept as well, what would Ven do?

“Yeah. I’m used to being alone. And hey, even if you do all fall asleep I won’t _really_ be alone.” Ven grinned at him, and it was completely genuine without a hint of pain. It was a real smile, one that had been born from real joy. Ven believed it, and he was happy. “You’re all still right here, and so am I.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello welcome to my fic. Continuing on the trend of the last chapter, here we have some rough Vanitas content. This is the point where novel-canon material really starts showing up. One of the reveals in this chapter is canon to the games, but a lot of people missed it because it's in the Xehanort report stuff - that being that Vanitas experiences some of Ven's feelings. That's already been hinted at by the story, but I discovered that someone I know didn't know it was canon so I'm saying that here and now. The rest is primarily novel info, and following up on suggested threads from the novels re: Vanitas's motivations.
> 
> I've also taken some liberties with the concept of "negativity" since, well, canon has given us absolutely nothing on what it actually is. For all I know it's meant to be synonymous with "darkness", but I get the strong, strong feeling that it isn't and so I just basically made it all up because [clenches fist] I felt like it. It has internal rules which will slowly come out, but here's where this vague power starts to really rear its nasty head.
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who commented on the last chapter, it really boosted my mood.

The next time he saw Vanitas, it was via waking up to the other boy throwing something at his head. Groaning, Ven curled up into a ball on the floor of the shack and ignored Vanitas’s bitter laugh. Had Vanitas outright hurled a rock at him for fun?

“It’s not funny,” Ventus grumbled, opening one eye to glare at his unfortunate guest. Vanitas had taken the mask off again, just the face plate, and Ven wasn’t sure if he was happy about it or not. All it meant was that he could see Vanitas’s cocky grin. That was better than nothing, just as Vanitas keeping his unpleasant feelings was better than him rejecting them. Better than the alternative was that he had his own face. The moment when that had changed, Ven pushed the memories of it away as too harsh to recall or even process yet. Vanitas was seemingly over it, annoying as that was. “You’re such a jerk!”

“I did warn you,” Vanitas said, his voice dripping with poisonous sugar. “Besides, you’re the one who wants them to make that… thing.”

“Thing,” Ven repeated, not knowing what Vanitas meant by that. What Vanitas had hit him with wasn’t a stone. Sitting in the sand in front of him was one of the shells he’d been collecting. Rudely as it had been, Vanitas had… “You’re _giving_ me this?”

“I have no use for it.”

Vanitas had tracked him down and woken him up in order to… give him a present? Sitting up, Ven turned a suspicious eye to Vanitas. He seemed impassive, sitting down in the sand across from him. The light streaming in from the open door was a boon – he thought that Vanitas might be able to see in the dark, but he sure couldn’t.

“Why?”

“You’re joking, don’t make me repeat myself. You’re the one who wants them.” Vanitas looked faintly annoyed now, but hesitant at the same time. Perhaps he’d been expecting a different reaction. Ven couldn’t imagine Vanitas was so stupid as to think he’d simply be pleased by having something thrown at him, even if it was something he’d been gathering.

“I do, but that doesn’t mean you have to go get them. Why did you pick it up in the first place?”

Vanitas’s jaw clenched, and something unpleasant flashed in his piercing yellow eyes. “I felt like it.”

“More like you wanted an excuse to come see me. What, are you lonely or something?” As soon as the words had left his lips, Ventus regretted them. The startled, confused expression that flickered across Vanitas’s face just made him feel sick. Did Vanitas get lonely? The mere thought triggered a cascade of awful, chilling questions. Ven didn’t want to think about that kind of thing. The idea of sympathizing with someone so awful, he didn’t know if he was okay with it. He didn’t want to realize anything, even if it tried to take shape inside him.

Vanitas was staring down at his hands, lost. Just that act gave everything away. He didn’t know why he had done what he’d done. How much of Vanitas was dictated by whims? Was this the result of him retaining his emotions? It didn’t seem dangerous but it was, at least a little, sad. Vanitas didn’t understand his feelings.

It was hard to hate something that pitiful, Ven silently admitted to himself. That, he couldn’t keep away.

As soon as the thought had settled in his mind, Vanitas’s eyes widened. He jumped to his feet, some disturbing emotion swirling in him so strongly that the haze of what had to be negativity that preceded the Unversed was forming around him. Though he didn’t suck it in once more – Vanitas harbored that negativity at all times? It lived inside of him? – no creatures emerged from it. Still, Vanitas had turned pale and Ventus didn’t know why.

“Don’t,” Vanitas whispered, then louder. “Don’t do that.”

Alarmed, Ven opened his mouth without thinking. “Do what?”

“Idiot. You can’t, you never… _Really?_ No. Incompetent…” Vanitas was folding in on himself, his hands rising to card through his hair and tug at it. If Vanitas had been capable of hurting himself directly, Ven thought that it would have hurt. He was yanking at his scalp, taking tight fistfuls of his hair. Even his cheeks were moving oddly. “ _You still can’t feel me!?_ ”

“What?”

“No,” Vanitas spat, turning toward the door. Immediately he faltered, not quite stumbling but leaning back against the wall for support nonetheless. “After all these years? After all this? Why just me, huh? Why was it only _me!?_ ”

“I-I don’t understand,” Ven stammered, and that only seemed to make Vanitas more upset. He was missing something huge, a daunting void of information. What he didn’t understand was tearing into Vanitas, and the other boy was now sliding down the wall back to the ground to hunch over.

“Of course you don’t, this is why we never could-!” Vanitas was outright sickly now, sweat beading on his face. Ventus reached out immediately, rethinking it a split second before Vanitas slapped his extended hand away. His pupils were too large, making his nauseated expression even more pronounced. The reaction was wrong, whatever was happening was hitting Vanitas too hard. The severity of what he didn’t know had Ven frozen in place. “You never understood, you have no idea what I feel! It was always just me who had to carry everything! It was doomed from the start, wasn’t it? I was born a, a fai…”

The harsh, strained exhalation that came in place of Vanitas’s words didn’t obscure what it was that he had been about to say.

A failure.

“I w-was the one who,” Vanitas stuttered, his hands tearing at his hair again. Something was starting to form in front of him, but Vanitas turned his wild eyes toward it, extended a hand, and sucked it back inside. As soon as he’d done so, that horrifying event some days past repeated itself. With a sickening cough, Vanitas lurched forward. What was splattering wetly from his mouth was… what? Blackness, a thick miasma.

Negativity?

This time, Vanitas wasn’t able to hit him when he reached out. He was too consumed by it, vomiting a stream of violent energy into the sand. As soon as Ven’s hand touched him he jerked, retching up another disgusting mouthful even as he scrambled backward.

This was the reason. This reaction, this intensity… This was why Vanitas created Unversed, shunted his emotions out, rejected them wholeheartedly.

“You’re going to regret it,” Vanitas had told him.

Vanitas had been right.

“J-just,” Ven started, hating how his voice cracked on that single word, “Don’t strain-”

“You don’t-!” Breathing harshly, Vanitas retched again. Was emptiness better than this? This agonizing, disheveled state he’d fallen into in mere seconds was awful. What was happening to Vanitas was visibly hurting him, throwing him into disarray. “Y-you _went_ , and I was! You took my-!”

“Vanitas, don’t do th-” Vanitas turned a livid glare to him, black tar dripping from his lips down his chin. It stunned Ven into silence, his mouth drying out in an instant. He couldn’t escape this situation. There was nowhere else to go. Vanitas had nowhere else to go, couldn’t flee from his reality. Fear was pounding in Ven’s veins like cold fire, running through him so fast that it was making his entire body seize up. Vanitas was simply a crumpled mess, shaking and panting, emptying his insides of pure negativity in heaving jerks. It was pathetic, it was so miserable, he _had_ to…

“Looking d-down on me,” Vanitas managed, furious tears beginning to spill down his cheeks. The words were just enough, cutting through the panic like a hot knife through butter and piercing him with understanding. Not wanting to realize it, Ven did. What Vanitas was reacting to, why he was so upset, was something truly awful.

“Y… you can feel what I feel?”

Vanitas had felt his pity, and was ashamed.

With a sobbing laugh, Vanitas spat out another mouthful of that foul substance. It stank, but not of something even resembling a real smell. No, it was unfiltered negativity that burned in his nose, surely tore at Vanitas’s throat and mouth like acid. The wave of sympathy that flooded him would only make it worse, but Ventus was helpless to prevent it. Vanitas was suffering, and he could take no joy in his enemy’s pain.

“Don’t touch me!”

It was a mess, all of it. How long had Vanitas had such agonizing feelings? How strongly did he experience them? Had he battled them alone without a single ally? The memory of Xehanort’s face swam to the forefront of his mind. Their master, who Vanitas had followed after, who Vanitas had nonetheless wanted to destroy. Because Xehanort hadn’t cared about him, hadn’t cared about either of them. Because they’d been nothing but pieces to him.

Because Vanitas hated and feared him.

Too many terrible thoughts were swarming him, making his body shake. What Ven hadn’t wanted to consider now flooded his mind. Xehanort had been it, hadn’t he? The extent of Vanitas’s contact with other people had been Xehanort. The four years Ven had spent as Eraqus’s student, what had Vanitas been doing? Training with Xehanort, obeying Xehanort, living under Xehanort’s rule. Xehanort, who had mocked, scorned, controlled… Xehanort, who had attacked his disappointing student and torn his heart in two. Xehanort had-

“Of course he did!” Vanitas’s voice was strained, almost a scream. “Y-you, your weak self, I could handle more-!”

Everything that Xehanort had done to him, Vanitas had been through as well. Four years, a lifetime of… _handling more_. Ven felt sick enough to vomit himself, his vision blurring. Vanitas had never known anything else. No joy, no peace, no comfort. Just fighting for his life over and over again, betrayed countless times, paranoid and terrified with no escape in sight. How had it taken him so long to realize the obvious? No, he just hadn’t wanted to face it. Such a warped mindset of strength and weakness, it had come from the lessons Ven himself had failed to take to heart… which meant Vanitas had been going through them too. _“_ _If you’re too weak to stop it, you deserve that pain._ _”_ Vanitas had made that idea a part of him, pretended he had done something to warrant his suffering, because…

That was easier than facing his own helplessness.

Vanitas didn’t push him away, didn’t bat his extended hands back. Though he groaned and sobbed, though burning feelings spilled from his mouth, Vanitas didn’t fight it when Ventus wrapped his arms around him. He merely cried harder, curled in on himself more. The undignified, broken creature weeping on the ground had come from his heart and taken his place in chains of fear, while he was released and sent to a place of light.

At the very least, Ven could acknowledge that pain.

“I’m sorry,” Ven managed, knowing his feelings were reaching Vanitas in the worst way. His sincere sympathy only hurt more, didn’t it? Because it made Vanitas feel weak, small, helpless and pathetic. “I didn’t understand, I… thought I knew better than you about yourself.”

“I w-was meant to,” Vanitas started in a hiccuping voice, reaching out with a shaking hand to take a fistful of Ven’s shirt. His fingers curled around the straps that circled his chest, and though he pulled it didn’t seem like Vanitas was trying to threaten him. No, Vanitas was only trying to hold on to something. “You were _mine_ , my body, I was, I would smother you! I’d get rid of you, and-!”

“No longer feel someone else’s emotions?” Ventus knew he was crying, but he couldn’t help himself. In the whirlwind that had followed their meeting, he hadn’t taken any time to consider Vanitas. Of course he hadn’t. He’d been trying to protect himself and his friends. Vanitas had tormented him, threatened him, haunted and followed him. He’d had no time to think about it, and no reason to extend any sympathy to the person tearing his life apart. Now, Ven understood it. He’d tried to keep it from happening, wanted to just hate Vanitas. This, this made it too complicated. Ventus couldn’t prevent it from taking root in his mind and heart now, what he finally grasped. “Or decide for yourself? Or…”

By killing Xehanort, Vanitas would have set himself free.

“Why are you doing this to me?” There were too many things that Vanitas could mean by that. His body was no longer heaving and retching, jerking now in sobs alone. Those feelings were what Vanitas pushed out, misery and fear and despair so deep he simply drowned in it. Now at such a peak of emotion, Vanitas didn’t have the coherency, the stability, to save himself by forcing them out. He was trapped. He’d always been trapped, hadn’t he?

The Unversed that had attacked Vanitas on that day had been intentionally created, Ventus decided sadly. They had been pushed out, had turned on Vanitas because all that he had rejected had been focused around one thing. Awful emotions directed solely at his own being and its weakness.

They had attacked, because of how Vanitas felt about himself.

“Ventus, let go of me! Stop it, let go! Y-your feelings, I don’t want them! I don’t need them!”

Sniffling quietly, Ven only held on tighter. Vanitas had been ripped away from him once, something he should have never survived. A long time ago, Vanitas had been pulled from him. Neither of them had been given a choice.

“I won’t! You said it yourself, didn’t you? You told me to be strong enough to keep you.” At the words, Vanitas merely crumbled. It wasn’t as if he had actually been fighting Ven’s embrace, but now he was limp and silent save for his weak sobs. Like a floodgate being opened, everything Ventus had kept from surfacing in his mind now filled it.

Vanitas’s life until that moment had been one devoid of the warmth of another person. No one had ever held him before. No one had wiped his tears, taken his hand when he was scared. No one had reassured Vanitas, no one had comforted him, no one had offered him any kindness at all. With such an existence, was it any wonder Vanitas had been warped and twisted into a being that coveted the misery of others? Was it any wonder Vanitas had become detestable and cruel?

Little more than an injured child, Vanitas wrapped his arms around Ven’s middle and cried himself out. And Ven… Ven was no different. In the darkness of an empty shack two wounded children held tight to one another, and wept.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been calling this a breather chapter since the last two were a bit, hm. Emotionally charged. It's a longer chapter, hopefully not too long. Thanks again to everyone for your comments, it really brightens my day.
> 
> Something of note for this chapter and the rest of the fic: it's something that wasn't portrayed well in BBS (probably because of the limitations of the engines), but despite Ven's model in the flashbacks being the same as the rest of the game the Xehanort reports make it a lot clearer that four years passed between Vanitas's birth and the plot of the game. I'm not overstating that Ven was a little kid when he was Xehanort's student - barring some weird "not aging" twist that there's been no indication of, he was ~eleven.

When Roxas woke it was dusk, and the legs of the bed he had fallen asleep in had finally collapsed. Xion hadn’t woken, but she’d rolled over in her sleep to face him. It made him feel better, strangely enough. Maybe she wasn’t in as deep of a slumber as he’d feared. Roxas sat, rubbing at one eye as he looked out to the cove. He was still wearing one glove he realized, feeling like an idiot over it. Sighing, he pulled it off and shoved it in his pocket like the other one. It wasn’t as if he needed them here.

He’d dreamed again, of sitting on the paopu tree and laughing. The boy on his left was undeniably Riku, but the girl on his right was Kairi, was Naminé, was Kairi again. Stories of an adventure he hadn’t been on, a wild chase through worlds. Had it been a dream? Or was it when he slept that he could look out into Sora’s world? Did the others dream here? He’d have to ask Ven.

Naminé. Ah, but he _knew_ her…

The orange glow of the setting sun was gentle on his eyes. Even if it might not match up with the outside world, it was a relief to be able to at least somewhat track the passage of time. He could accept that. Though part of him simply wanted to lie back down and fall asleep once more, Roxas made himself climb out of bed. Now that he was able to think clearly, Roxas realized with some despair that in the first few days he’d spent within Sora’s heart, he’d managed to make every inhabitant so upset that they’d fallen unconscious.

“What is wrong with me?”

For a moment, Roxas simply put his head in his hands and sighed. Lately, he’d been coming to the realization that his greatest talent was just… messing everything up. Just being born had messed everything up, hadn’t it? The reality of the situation was that by existing, he’d irreversibly changed so many lives for the worse. But…

Taking a deep breath in, Roxas lifted his head again and forced himself to stand. There were people who cared. There _were_. He had to remind himself of it. Even when he’d pushed them away, even when he hadn’t deserved it, they had cared and still did. If he forgot about that, he’d fall into a pit of despair that he’d never be able to climb back out of. Balling his hands up into fists, Roxas walked out of the cave to go find Ven.

The twilight was comfortable, the way it always was. There was just something soothing about it, surely something from the memories of watching the sun set up on the clock tower with his best friends. That orange sky just made him want to close his eyes and sigh. Ice cream would have been nice. It really would have.

He took his time with it, crossing the beach as gentle waves broke upon it. Part of him wanted to take his shoes off, to bury his toes in wet sand. Instead, he kept walking across the island that he was now completely familiar with. It didn’t take long to learn where basically everything was, on an island that was so tiny, and he’d already felt that strange sense of having known it from the start. The only place he hadn’t set foot in was the hollow by the waterfall, a place he knew existed but felt nervous about entering. It felt like a place he shouldn’t go to.

Roxas paused to look at it, the entrance to that hidden cave. A secret place, but he knew it was there. For today at least, he would pass it by again.

“Ven?” A long moment passed, during which he considered scaling the ramp and scrambling up the ladder. If Ven wasn’t in the room he shared with Vanitas, where would he be? Could something be wrong? But then there was a little shimmer in the air, and Ven was standing on that balcony and leaning over it to look at him. He was wearing significantly less than he had been before, making Roxas wonder if he’d finally changed out of what had been pushed into the sea and didn’t have a full spare set. The undershirt he normally wore was gone, and something seemed off about the shirt he _was_ wearing. He’d taken his armor off, even the boots.

“Roxas, you’re awake?”

“… Yeah?” Roxas squinted up at him in the dusty light, bringing a hand up to his eyes as if expecting it to help. It didn’t. In retrospect, he wasn’t sure why he’d thought it would. “Is, uh. Is Vanitas…?”

“He’s sleeping,” Ven said with a hint of regret, as if he didn’t want it to be the answer. He scratched the back of his neck, smiling hesitantly. For a moment neither of them spoke, and Ven glanced back into the room. “Do you wanna come up here? If not I… can come down.”

Ven didn’t want to come down.

“No, I… I’ll come up. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Something about it was so awkward, really. It all felt awkward now, knowing a full half of the people taking shelter in Sora’s heart were unconscious because of the things he’d thoughtlessly said. But Ven wasn’t mentioning it, so Roxas wouldn’t either. He climbed the ladder slowly, feeling stupid all the way up.

“Xion’s still asleep,” Roxas said lamely. Ven nodded as if it was what he expected, before looking back into the room once more. He’d created a light again, making it clear and bright inside. Vanitas was curled up in bed there, his arms resting loosely over a spot where Roxas thought Ven must have just been. His shirts were gone, both of them. At some point, Ven had tugged them off for some reason. Lying there, asleep, Vanitas looked somehow…

Briefly Ven met his eyes, and then the other boy was wordlessly returning to his room to pull the blankets tighter around Vanitas. Vanitas didn’t wake, but breathed out a faint sigh. The way his eyelashes stood out in stark contrast with his skin, the strands of hair spilling across his forehead and cheeks, they made him seem almost delicate.

Lying there, asleep, Vanitas looked somehow beautiful.

There was an unceremonious pile of clothing on the floor in front of that unopened chest, and from the bare shoulders that Ven had just covered up what was there belonged mostly to Vanitas. All Ven was wearing was his pants and that shirt, and even then the shirt was open over his chest. Or, it should have been, but Ven was holding it closed with one hand as he extracted the sleeveless turtleneck that belonged to him from the heap.

“Sorry,” he said nervously, though Roxas wasn’t sure why. “You didn’t wake me up, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Right… you were in bed with him?”

“Yeah. Sharing a bed is something we’re used to, and the thing about it is that I really like holding on to him and I know he feels the same way. Vanitas is warm. I like that, even if it means it’s hot under the covers. But it doesn’t bother me, I’d still share our bed if he was a really restless annoying sleeper. Since we’re, you know. And it’s not like we’re getting up to anything that’s… y-you know.” There was no way for him to say that he didn’t know. Ven flushed a little as he pulled the shirt he was wearing off to tug the undershirt on, and it was only then that Roxas realized what was wrong with it. Rather than the one Ven normally wore, the left side of that shirt was white. It was Vanitas’s shirt. Pausing, Ven looked at him with nervous seriousness. It seemed he’d realized something. “Maybe you _don’t_ know. Uh… I don’t know if you get this, but you shouldn’t sleep half-naked with just anybody.”

“Why’s that?” The things Roxas didn’t know were piling up in the front of his mind. Ven was taken aback by his question, totally not expecting it. Not sure if it was a bad thing to have asked, Roxas simply waited with the same vague anxiety that he’d seen on Ven’s face.

“It’s… huh. I don’t really… it’s just the way things are. Look, just… trust me, it’s not something you do unless the person you’re with is really special to you. Maybe someone else will be able to explain it to you better, I don’t know. Vanitas won’t, I can tell you that. Just take my word for it, will you?”

“Oh… okay, I guess. So, the bed in the cove, you don’t use it because this one’s big enough for both of you.” Now that he was looking at someone in it, the bed was more obviously made for two. He wondered how long it had taken for Ven and Vanitas to haul it up to where it now rested. Even if the frame itself had been assembled in the room, the mattress was a different matter. The mental image was just bizarre.

“Yeah, that’s right. Before, we were pretty stubborn about it. But we share basically everything nowadays.” Ven held the shirt up with a laugh, as if it was an example. Rather than putting it back on, Ven instead folded it neatly and set it on the top shelf of the unit pushed against the wall. He seemed a little flustered, but happy at the same time. “Sometimes accidentally, I guess. I _thought_ it felt too big.”

“Right…” The Wayfinders that had been on the bed had all been moved to the shelves. That was probably where they actually stayed. Ven had forgotten that Vanitas had brought them to the bed, Roxas recalled. Why had Vanitas done it?

“Hey. Can we talk about something that’s… happy? I know there’s just, in both of our lives, a lot of stuff that was just awful. And, you know? Those awful things are a lot more interesting. Or, maybe, they’re something we’re all more curious about than the good stuff. But I have so many happy memories, and I’m sure you have plenty too.” Roxas took in a deep breath and held it for a moment before exhaling again. He knelt, looking over to the armor that was now lying completed on the floor. That armor… it probably was full of sad memories. Ven was right. All of the things that had happened were because they’d asked and talked about painful, scary memories. Xion was asleep. Vanitas was asleep. Ven sat down on the bed, and when he did so Vanitas’s arms shifted under the covers as if he was trying to snatch Ven into them. The look that Ven gave him was painfully fond, and Vanitas sighed in his sleep at the touch of Ven’s fingers brushing the hair from his cheek. “He’s a lot cuter when he’s asleep, huh.”

“I don’t know if I’d call him cute,” Roxas said reluctantly. Ven shot him a glance that seemed almost surprised, before beaming. It was blatantly obvious how much Ven disagreed. Sora, he thought, was probably capable of looking cute. Vanitas was another story entirely.

He really couldn’t deny that this Vanitas was certainly beautiful, though.

“Well, I’m probably the only one who can think that. But when he’s calm like this, and when he’s in a good mood-”

“How often does _that_ happen?”

“More often than you might think! He’s been really, really stressed, and like I said he’s injured. This is the most strung-out I’ve seen him in years. It’s not like him to act like this.” Ven paused, looking down at Vanitas again. Though Roxas didn’t know how he knew it so strongly, he knew that Ven really did like Vanitas. He wasn’t completely sure if that feeling went both ways, but… somehow, Roxas thought it had to be true. The strange feelings and actions that Ven and Vanitas shared with one another, it had to be some kind of way of caring that he didn’t understand. A way where they acted like they hated each other and maybe actually did, but still cared. Was that a way of caring? There were so many ways. That seemed totally wrong, though. “Ah, but I said it was better to talk about happy things. I’ll tell you some happy things about me, and him too. So tell me some happy things about you, and Xion, and Axel. What’s Axel like? You didn’t talk about him much.”

“Axel… He’s amazing, really. He taught me everything, I think… Everything about what it meant to be a person, and to have friends. When I was first born, he took me to the clock tower, the one I mentioned to you. He brought me there and gave me this ice cream. I still remember it really well…” Roxas smiled, pulling his legs up to his chest to hug his knees. It had been a year ago now. A year of memories, some of them hazy, some so clear. Some that had been lost, that he finally had again. “We watched the sun set, and ate ice cream. I wasn’t really all there, and I wasn’t for a while. I don’t remember that much from early on. But the ice cream I remember. We’d eat it all the time, this salty but sweet ice cream… Me, Axel, and when Xion came, her too. We became best friends.”

“You said you guys fought Heartless? What were they like? I only ever saw one kind, and I don’t remember them that well.” Ven was petting back Vanitas’s hair, smoothing the rough spikes and letting them spring back up again. It wasn’t something he was paying much attention to, gliding his fingers through black locks, and Roxas wasn’t sure if he was really aware that he was doing it. Just absentmindedly playing with Vanitas’s hair. Though he couldn’t call Vanitas cute, the way Ven was treating him definitely was. At the very least, it was funny. “That’s not a great memory, though.”

“Guess not. I saw all sorts of Heartless, really. They came in all shapes and sizes, actually. Some of them had a mark on them, some kind of emblem, but there were some that didn’t. Those ones that didn’t… those were pureblood Heartless. They looked a lot like they were made of shadows, and some of them could… melt into the ground, the way Vanitas does.” Ven nodded at that, as if he wasn’t surprised by it. He didn’t know if the kind of Heartless Ven had encountered had been one of those types, but Roxas wasn’t about to ask.

“It’s the power of darkness that lets him do that. But he definitely was something like a Heartless,” Ven said, continuing to run his fingers through messy locks. Still fast asleep, Vanitas heaved another quiet sigh. “Maybe he still is. We never really… wanted to think about that. I don’t feel like he is one, but maybe that’s understandable. I don’t think he’s totally human, but he has a human heart. One that drowned in darkness, took a different form. That’s what a Heartless is, Vanitas told me that himself. So he used to be that, whether it made him an actual Heartless or just something that was a lot like one. Like it or not, that’s what he was born as. Something like a Heartless, with powers that normal people don’t have and can’t learn. He didn’t turn into one, just was born. Neither of us know what else to call him, and we don’t want to call him that in the first place.”

“But he’s not mindless like a Heartless,” Roxas replied immediately. There weren’t Heartless that could speak, no Heartless that could reason. Wasn’t that true? Heartless that took human form, they didn’t exist. Even if Nobodies could, there wasn’t a single Heartless he’d ever seen like that. “All the Heartless I saw, they just attacked things, trying to find hearts. It was like it was all they could think about, if they could even think about that.”

“Hmm… well, he’s not mindless, sure. He’s got a whole lot on his mind, and he makes sure I always know it whether I want to or not.” That was a little exasperated, and Ven’s expression had grown wry. But there wasn’t any less contentment in his eyes. He was happy with the way things were, at least between himself and Vanitas. Vanitas had seemed the same way. “Sometimes he says it, sometimes he just sends me some Unversed. But, if you think about it… he really was sort of pursuing hearts with all his might. It was just that it was my heart he wanted.”

“It wasn’t scary to you?” Vanitas had said it himself, that Ven had never been afraid of him. Having seen what he was capable of, Roxas didn’t know how that could have been true. But it was true. There hadn’t been a spark of fear in Ven’s eyes even once around Vanitas, at least not fear _of_ Vanitas.

“It was annoying and upsetting. That was what it was. He wouldn’t leave me alone, he kept showing up to taunt me, so of course I was upset with him. Then he tried to hurt my friends, and I was angry with him. I was furious, I wanted to beat him so badly that he’d never come near us ever again. Vanitas has been being a huge jerk. You’ve seen that, he’s been really mean. So I hope you can believe me when I say that back then, Vanitas was so much worse. Vanitas was doing things that were evil. I can say that without it being a really terrible memory, can you believe that? Because when I think about how completely awful he was back then, I can look at this him,” Ven’s fingers slowed, and rather than continuing to stroke Vanitas’s hair he instead trailed them down his cheek, “And see how much people can change. I realized it really late, I think. Until we came here, and there was no way to fight and nothing to do but talk? I never really had the chance to cool down enough to think about it, and maybe he didn’t deserve a chance. I had no reason to think about it, he gave me no reason to sympathize.”

“Think about what?” Ven was so frustratingly cryptic sometimes. He really was used to talking to no one but Vanitas, and Vanitas knew their circumstances exactly as well as Ven did.

“Roxas, I’m not gonna say this because I want you to feel bad for Vanitas. I’m glad I did feel bad for him back then, I really am. It was kind of ugly and I’m not proud of it, but I actually pitied him. I thought he was pathetic. Sure, he deserved my scorn and my hatred and maybe worse. If I’d destroyed him the way I’d tried, he would have deserved that too. It doesn’t change that I was looking down on him. But because of that, because I looked at him and saw something so disgraceful, it got harder to hate him. It was for a reason that was pretty terrible. That’s why I decided to give him a second chance, because I thought he was pathetic. If I hadn’t done that, if I hadn’t realized there had been things he hadn’t deserved, I think he would never ever have tried to change. Without that we never would have… anyway. I told you that when he was born, Xehanort took Vanitas and left me behind.”

Roxas nodded automatically, unsure as to whether or not to speak. He wanted to know. Ven had said it was better to talk about happy things, and he’d agreed. But Ven… didn’t seem to be upset. He seemed happy, with Vanitas asleep beside him. As if the pain from and following Vanitas’s creation didn’t matter, not anymore.

“The thing is, I don’t remember much about when I was Xehanort’s student. I do remember that I was afraid of him. And now I understand that Vanitas started off as sort of this empty shell, and he was kind of filled up with what Xehanort said and did and expected of him and how he responded to that. His heart was barely-functioning with no real memories left, all he had was this sea of feelings he didn’t understand. So he just absorbed what he was told, and… trained.” Something about the way Ven had hesitated there, that meant something that Roxas wasn’t sure he wanted to uncover. “Once I realized that, I sort of thought, “Well, no wonder he’s like this, how else would he have ended up?” Because Xehanort was all he had until he thought Vanitas was… _adequate_ , acceptable to be allowed to be around other people. Even then, it’s not like he let Vanitas make any actual connections with anyone, just let him travel to fulfill his assigned role. Xehanort was never nice to me, and Xehanort was never nice to him. The most he ever gave us was sparing our lives back then, and even then he almost killed me for an experiment. We were little kids back then, both of us. When he did that, we were just a kid. He’s evil.”

Xehanort had never showed his students an ounce of kindness. Xehanort had been the only person in Vanitas’s life during the time between his birth and the moment he was a genuine person. Roxas thought back to it, the way he had been, how Axel had helped shape him into someone who was good. All Vanitas had had back then was… the person who had broken him in the first place. It made his stomach lurch, even though he didn’t have one. A kid, and he’d followed. All he’d had was Xehanort.

“Ven, are you saying that until he met you…?”

“There was no one. If he was scared, if he was sad, no one helped him. Vanitas had no one to turn to but himself. There was no one for him to rely on but himself, and he _couldn’t_ even rely on himself.” They both grew quiet at that, Ven’s hand cupping Vanitas’s cheek, a look on Ven’s face that Roxas couldn’t recognize. “When I realized that and pitied him, I wanted to give him a chance. Now he’s become… softer. Gentler. He turned into someone who could care for someone. I don’t care if Vanitas is or was a Heartless. It doesn’t matter to me if he’s totally human. He’s a person just like me. He’s not me, but we’re us. If I go back to my body, I’m taking him with me. Vanitas is… he’s a part of my heart. It’s so weird when I think about it. We used to be such bitter enemies, but we ended up becoming precious to each other. I won’t let go of him again.”

“I… don’t think I really get it. You said he’s not your friend, so I don’t understand.”

“It’s confusing, huh. I forget that you and Xion don’t know about a lot of stuff like that. I was pretty sheltered by Master Eraqus while I was recovering, but you guys drew a much shorter straw. I keep having to remind myself that you two have only been alive for about a year, even if you look our age. Me and Vanitas are… there’s different ways that people can be important to you. Sorry, I don’t think I can just explain it right, because well, I don’t know how.” Ven scratched his head, his voice awkward. “It’s just weird, I guess. Us.”

“Why is that?” What was weird about having a bond with someone? Roxas couldn’t wrap his head around it. A different way of being precious. Was it the way that Sora, Riku, and Kairi were precious to each other? Was it different from the way that Axel and Xion were precious to him? He couldn’t really say if how he was with Axel and Xion was like how Sora was with his friends. But Ven and Vanitas didn’t seem the same as his own friendships.

“Terra used to tell me when I asked certain questions,” Ven started, sounding reluctant as if he knew in advance that Roxas wasn’t going to like the answer, “That I’d get it someday. I hated it when he said stuff like that. He treated me like a kid, it was so frustrating. But I think that was his way of saying, “You have to see it yourself, or else you won’t understand.” I get that now. I wish I could just tell you, I really do! It would be easier. But me and Vanitas… _We’re_ kind of weird, really weird actually. The thing we are, that’s not usually… well. I think, you won’t really be able to get it unless you see more people who are, uh, the way we are.”

“But what _is_ the way you are?”

Grinning, Ven ran his hand through Vanitas’s hair. “You’ll find out someday, I’m sure.”

Ven had been right. He hated that reply. What was that supposed to mean? It wasn’t an answer at all. All he could think of was Axel telling him about how girls were complicated, how it hadn’t addressed what he’d been asking in the slightest.

“Ugh, I wanna know now!”

Ven’s eyes widened in shock, and then he was curling up on himself and laughing. Beside him Vanitas let out a little snort, but he still seemed fast asleep. Pouting, Roxas squeezed his knees to his chest. What was so funny about what he’d said? He didn’t think it deserved the reaction it was getting.

“Sorry, I’m sorry! You just, you sound so much like me sometimes, I don’t even know how to react! Ah, it’s so bizarre isn’t it?”

“Everything about this is bizarre, nothing that’s happened since I came here _wasn’t_.” That had Ven nodding immediately, and for a moment they only looked at each other before bursting into laughter. What else could they do? Everything about the situation, where they were, what had happened, who was here, was so bizarre that Roxas felt like all he could do was laugh about it. Even fast asleep, Vanitas seemed like he was faintly chuckling somehow. He didn’t know how it was possible, since it was blatantly clear that Vanitas wasn’t conscious, but it made everything even funnier and neither of them could do anything but wheeze.

“See, he can’t even help himself,” Ven managed, before covering his face with both hands as if it would hold the laughter back. It was a complete failure, and Roxas found himself choking in his own attempts. How was Vanitas laughing too? Was it something to do with Sora’s heart and a transfer of emotions, or was it about Ven? It didn’t matter, because seeing Vanitas completely unconscious and snickering was one of the funniest things he’d ever seen. Xion was never going to believe him.

After a few seconds of breathless giggling, a faint haze started to rise from Vanitas’s sleeping body. Ven’s fading laughter came back in full-force, uncontrolled and contagious, as a cluster of Unversed shaped themselves out of that energy. Balloons, they looked like, in bright, cheerful colors. Purple, teal, red, green, two of each. They were surprisingly big for something Vanitas was making while unconscious, bigger than his head. Ven waved at them, as if to guide their bouncing forms towards him.

“Look at them, he can’t hold them back when he’s asleep,” Ven snickered, catching one and holding it like a prize. It wiggled in his hands, but it didn’t seem like an attempt to free itself. Some of the others were bobbing through the air and spreading throughout the room, and Roxas jumped as one bumped into him and rebounded. “It’s okay, don’t worry. These are harmless. They’re ones that are nice, they just sort of do that. Give one of them a pat, they’re really weird.”

Watching the tiny swarm of Unversed nervously, Roxas carefully extended one hand. They didn’t seem particularly intelligent, bumping up against the walls and ceiling. None of them had managed to leave the room, as if they were unwilling to travel far from their creator. Roxas wasn’t sure that they had any way to see or hear, and he wondered if they had any thoughts at all. It would be weird if they did, wouldn’t it? But the other Unversed Vanitas created had seemed to be able to concentrate on things. If they weren’t, how could he send them to get Ven?

An Unversed brushed against his arm, sending strange warmth through him. Even through his coat, it felt weird. He wondered if he’d be able to change out of the coat, really… But right now it was what he had to wear, and so it would be what he wore. Ven laughed, petting the Unversed he’d taken hold of. It seemed almost wobbly, all of them did. Anxious as he was, Roxas let his hand rest gently on the top of one of the Unversed.

It was warm to the touch, whatever “flesh” it had barely resisting him. It felt almost like it was filled with water, jiggling and wobbling and bobbing around the room. The creature pushed against his hand, flattening itself as it did so but making no progress in actually moving him. They were unbelievably weak, and somehow Roxas didn’t think it was because Vanitas was weak himself. They were docile Unversed, it seemed. For some reason it made him want to laugh, touching that Unversed. He couldn’t help smiling at it, wanted to smile at it. Something about it made him feel like it wanted him to smile.

“How is he doing this in his sleep?” Roxas lowered his hand again, and the Unversed bobbed slowly before ambling towards the ceiling and smacking against it softly. Ven released the one he’d been holding onto, intentionally sending it spinning. He clearly thought it was funny, which meant it probably hadn’t harmed the Unversed in any way. “Is that… okay?”

“They can’t sense anything, I’m not bullying it. They don’t have brains, they don’t feel anything either. The only thing they really do is float around like that. These ones are pretty new, and Vanitas hasn’t really explained them to me so I just have to rely on what I get instinctively and my own methods. Nowadays I have good intuition about them. I think the only thing they’re even close to being aware of is that people exist and they should be around people.” Ven caught another one, holding it up as if he was telling Roxas to watch closely. Before he could ask what he was supposed to be looking at, Ven was lobbing the Unversed out of the room. It shot off surprisingly quickly, disappearing from sight almost as soon as it had left the tree house. Feeling his mouth drop open, Roxas turned back to Ven in shock.

“ _Why_ did you-”

“Just look!” Roxas followed the line of Ven’s pointing finger, and found the Unversed that had been relentlessly thrown wobbling back into sight. It didn’t match up with the aimless movements of the ones in the room. Ven’s insight seemed to be completely correct. It was returning because it “wanted” to be around them. Ven likely had a deep understanding of every kind of Unversed there was, his “intuition”. “See, that’s the only time it seems to be aware of anything. Just wants to be where people are, to be with people. Otherwise it doesn’t care, it can’t care. It only exists for others.”

The Unversed bumped against the top of the door frame before tumbling unceremoniously through the air and into the room again. Laughing, Ven reached out to pull it back to him and patted it gently. It was kind of cute, Roxas had to admit. Some of the things Vanitas made were pretty cute.

“Anyway, you asked how he was doing this. He’s definitely asleep, he’s not faking it. I’d know if he was. Sometimes he just ends up feeling things, even when he’s asleep. Well… I’m feeling things, after all. I haven’t told him he’s doing it, I thought it was funny. Hey, don’t tell him either, okay? He’ll get upset. It’s fine if he keeps doing it, I think. Making them doesn’t seem to drain his energy or keep him from waking up. Plus, once he’s recovered a little more this sleep Unversed stuff is gonna stop happening. At least, I’m pretty sure it will. A while back he did it, but it stopped happening.” Ven paused, bringing his hand up to his mouth as he thought. The Unversed in his lap started to dissolve as if it was collapsing into grains of sand, and the ones still floating in the room followed seconds later. They swirled together into a steady stream, being pulled gently back into Vanitas. “Ah… what are you dreaming about, huh? If you’re going to sleep, at least make sure it’s a good one.”

“You guys dream here?” He’d meant to ask. Hadn’t that been the entire reason he’d come to see Ven, besides wanting company? Roxas wanted to chide himself for losing track of what he’d been intending to do.

“I don’t know if Vanitas does. Probably not, but it’d be nice to have good dreams if we could. If I’ve dreamed, I don’t remember it.”

“I had a dream earlier, I think…” Despite the words, Roxas thought it couldn’t have been a dream. “No, I… don’t think it was a dream. It happened both times, when I slept. I think I might have been drifting closer to the surface of Sora’s heart again. Is that possible? I think my “dream” was actually what Sora was seeing.”

“Hmm… it’s never happened to me, or to Vanitas. I’m pretty sure he would have told me if that was the case. Sometimes he… no, he’d probably tell me about something like that.” Ven glanced back down to Vanitas, as if expecting his sleeping face to have an answer. Maybe it did. They seemed to be able to speak to each other without words. Connected hearts… was that what it was? Hearts with a bond between them that would stretch and stretch and never break. “What did you see?”

“I was sitting on the paopu tree. Well, Sora was. I’m sure it was Sora, what Sora was seeing. I only saw it because I’m him, so I guess you guys can’t do something like that. It’s twilight out there too… he’s sitting there with Riku and Kairi, talking about everything that happened. The adventure he went on, the adventures they went on to find each other again. Naminé was there too, because she’s with Kairi the way we’re with Sora. I saw her…”

“Naminé. You mentioned her before, but who is she?” Roxas blinked, realizing he hadn’t said a word about her that was tangible. Who was Naminé? He didn’t know, but he did.

“She’s… someone important, I think. Someone very important… I’m Sora, and she’s Kairi. That’s how we started off.”

“Kairi’s Nobody, you mean?”

“I think so. She said it herself, that she’s a Nobody. But she’s… she’s special. I don’t know why or how, not the way Xion is special. She’s not a Replica, but I don’t know why I know that. Maybe because she went back to Kairi… I don’t know much about her at all, but I do. That doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make sense to me either, sorry. When I met her, I just had this feeling, something deep, deep in my chest. It told me that we weren’t meeting for the first time, that we’d always known each other from the second we were born. That she was so, so important.” Roxas paused, letting his hand rest over his heart. It had been his heart, a feeling deep inside his heart. Not destiny, not fate. But a feeling of familiarity, of something between them that had been and was important. A link. “That’s why I think that we were born together, at the same time. I don’t know why, because I don’t know how I was born. I saw her and I knew her. I didn’t know her name, where we had met. Maybe it’s because we started off as Sora and Kairi. Maybe it was because I was born with her. Maybe it was something else entirely. I want to see her again, I want to spend time with her, and I know I’m going to. I can just feel it. The end of the storm last night, the first one. I saw her. We were able to talk.”

“That was why that happened,” Ven breathed, putting his head in his hands. It hadn’t occurred to him that he’d said nothing about it, that no one had brought it up. Had Ven wanted to ask, but feared doing something that would cause unrest? Or had he been distracted enough that he didn’t ask? Maybe Ven had somewhat understood it, even if he hadn’t known why. “Vanitas said you were being pulled to the surface, out of Sora’s heart. We didn’t know why, but he could see your heart moving. Xion was really scared, but Vanitas could tell you weren’t in danger since he could still sort of see you were there. He can sense when other people are inside Sora, even if they’re not in his heart with us.”

Roxas wanted to ask, “When was someone else in Sora’s body?”, but before he could Ven was continuing and the thought left his mind.

“Then you came back, but I was already asleep, and… isn’t it weird? I totally forgot to ask. I guess once I knew you weren’t in danger I just was so relieved that I didn’t think of it. I just fell asleep, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”

“I see… When I met Naminé, really met her and not just that feeling, it was in this abandoned manor that was on the edge of the town I lived in. But it wasn’t the real town, at least I think that part wasn’t. It was just data, a simulation… but, that’s a really complicated story I think, and not really a happy one. I don’t even know if I understand it. I met her there, when everything was starting to become so strange. I didn’t know it, but that was right after Xion’s heart and all of Sora’s memories that she’d had became a part of me.”

“You said she was the one who told Xion what she was, right? Was that it, or am I messing up some details? Wait, maybe Xion told me that.”

“No, I said it. I’m not really sure who it was. I wasn’t there, but I think, probably. It was her, or Riku… Maybe. Xion knew them, she met both of them. They told Xion about Sora’s memories and that they were inside her heart. That he couldn’t wake up without them.” Roxas brought his hand up to his mouth, thinking about it. What exactly had happened? After gaining those memories back, he hadn’t really had the chance to sort through them. “Xion decided to give Sora’s memories back, and ended up giving them to me for some reason. I guess, because she knew. I already had some of them, a lot of them, so it wasn’t as if she was… _dooming_ me, I guess. Even if she hadn’t given those ones to me, I would have had to come back eventually. Maybe she just entrusted them to me because she knew that one day I’d come… home, too. Naminé… helped me to be okay with doing it. No, that’s not right. I didn’t want to, even with what she told me. But I guess what she said to me helped me start to accept that it was what had to happen. I just trusted her deep down. She told me I wouldn’t disappear and that we’d meet again, and we did. She was right. I wanted to see her again.”

“And you met her again yesterday.”

“Yeah. I feel like… she was the one who pulled me out. I think, probably, she’s someone who’s able to do something like that. Someone who can touch the memories in hearts. But it’s just a feeling I got, I don’t know why I think it. I was able to appear back in the real world, in front of her and in front of Sora and Kairi. Even though I didn’t have a body, I was just this faded image and she was just this faded image, we talked. Just for a little bit. I was… at peace, I guess. So when I came back here, I just felt so calm and happy and like this was the right place to be.”

“Roxas, do you think maybe you… No, never mind. So you got this feeling when you see her, that made you feel like everything would be alright.”

“Yeah.” That was exactly it. Roxas wondered if Ven knew that feeling. He wondered if maybe it was what had made Ven’s eyes look so soft, when he was watching Vanitas sleep. Seeing someone again, and feeling like everything would be okay.

“Hey, but that’s great isn’t it? Even though you didn’t get a chance to spend much time together, Naminé is someone who’s become a part of your heart. So I’m sure you’re going to see her again. I think there are these bonds between people, and no matter how hard anyone else tries they can’t break them.” Ven sighed, and his fingers disappeared into Vanitas’s hair again. The sigh hadn’t seemed upset, or even resigned. Just a long exhalation, something perhaps content. His other hand had slipped into his pocket, though Roxas didn’t know why. “So that’s why, even though sometimes I’m sad or scared… I remind myself that I won, and things changed, and things will change again. They’ll get better. I just tell myself that. We’ll keep winning and we’ll take back the things that were stolen. Terra and Aqua, me, Vanitas. Mickey. You, Xion, Axel, Riku, Kairi… Sora. We all fight to protect the people we care about, don’t we? And we’ll never stop doing that. If we all fight we’re going to win, you know? We’ll fix things.”

“Even with all the terrible stuff that happened, you believe that?”

“I’m scared about it, I really am. I hate it. Sometimes… I’m not sure. I think about the things that have already happened and might have happened and I’m scared. I’m terrified. Vanitas… he’s the same way, sometimes.” Vanitas remained silent, of course. Sleeping, he looked peaceful. With Ven next to him, he looked peaceful. “He tries to pack it all inside a lot of the time even though he knows better, and then it explodes like it did earlier. Sometimes it’s way worse, too. All this fear and hate and rage just bursts out of him, so strong that I feel it. He thinks Xehanort is still out there, no matter what anyone else might believe. I think, maybe because Vanitas thinks there’s no point and that we can’t win… because I see him still trying to be better even when he thinks that, I can’t really believe that everything will have been for nothing. We’re going to go back to the world outside. We’re going to do that, and if Xehanort _is_ still there we’ll fight. If that happens, I know it’ll be hard, but…”

Ven’s hand found Vanitas’s cheek again, and his words trailed off as he gazed down at the boy who had been his other half. Was he still that? Though they had become distinct, other people… somehow, they had such a feeling of being a single unit. A pair that couldn’t be divided.

Roxas didn’t know what it was in Ven’s eyes, in Ven’s expression, radiating from Ven’s body. Something strong but gentle. Something that filled him with a feeling akin to awe. He couldn’t tell, what that feeling was.

The rosy glow that began to coat Vanitas’s sleeping body had Ven beaming in genuine delight, and he held his hands out for the Unversed that coalesced from that light. A lidded pot, bright pink, its face smiling. He’d seen it before, Roxas thought, but he couldn’t remember where or when. Without any hesitation it shot into Ven’s open arms, the lid clattering gently as a cloud of soft smoke rose from within it. Ven lifted the lid, reaching into it. Roxas couldn’t tell why, what was inside, because he was immediately lost in a cloud. Soft, pink smoke filled the room, a sweet smell that seemed to envelop him. It was light on his skin, but nevertheless made Roxas feel as if he was being pulled into a strong, warm embrace. An Unversed for Ven, but a feeling so powerful that it touched everyone around him.

Who was Vanitas, really? What did he want? What did he believe?

Ven, hugging that Unversed tightly, closed his eyes with a smile. “We can’t lose, you know? Sora’s stronger than anyone, Xion said. I don’t know about stronger than _anyone_ , but I believe that he’s really, truly strong. Sora’s strong, and there are so many people who are going to be fighting with him. If Terra’s with us too… We _can’t_ lose, with everyone who we have on our side. We just can’t lose.”

If someone like Ven was who he would spend his time in this heart with, Roxas thought he was more than okay with it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another calmer chapter today! Then again, it's still pretty sad. Ven's blind faith in Terra really is admirable, the poor kid.
> 
> We're really starting to get into the meat of things regarding novel content. I guess I'll let the story speak for itself on what elements of that I've incorporated. Hope you guys enjoy, and thanks so much to everyone for their comments!

The bullied became the bullies, Ven thought. That was the reality of the boy who slept beside him, having wept and wept until he’d grown exhausted and fallen into slumber. Ventus himself had dozed, sitting up against that wall with Vanitas in his arms, with Vanitas’s arms around him. After some time he’d woken, but Vanitas remained silent and… peaceful. He’d laid Vanitas down eventually, settling his head in his lap as gently as he could. Asleep, Vanitas had reached out. His hand was still there, taking a handful of Ven’s pants in a loose grip. He was quiet, calm, the lines that creased his face finally relaxed, his breathing deep and even. In that moment, all of the malice and evil he’d so long associated with Vanitas was gone.

This was a new side of Vanitas, but Ven thought for the first time that he’d found one that was more than okay.

That explosion of emotion when Vanitas had attacked him in a rage back then, days and weeks and maybe months ago, it had been because he’d failed to channel it into Unversed. It had consumed him, because Vanitas’s feelings were too strong for his heart to bear. The murderous intent that had clouded Ven’s mind had been an emotion Vanitas hadn’t pushed out and given a shape.

He wished he’d just listened. But if he had, would he have understood anything? Not wanting to disturb such a tranquil slumber, Ven carefully took Vanitas’s hand. They looked nothing alike, the two of them. Vanitas wore another face, had another body. His palms were broad, didn’t line up with his. His body was bulkier in a way that couldn’t simply be attributed to harsher training.

They’d diverged. It had been taken out of their hands. Understanding nothing, retaining nothing, barely able to speak, Ven had been led to a new home. He’d found happiness. What had Vanitas found? Someone else’s happiness felt from worlds away, and no friends of his own. Nothing. Vanitas had nothing but his ideals and a lifetime of pain. It was sickening, hard to stomach even the thought of. Had Vanitas envied him? Had he tried to run away? Had he broken down in tears? Had he laid on the barren ground, a crumpled heap of agony? When had he made his choice?

Fast asleep, Vanitas didn’t answer those unspoken questions.

Vanitas had tried to kill him more than once. The first time, Ven thought he now understood. When Vanitas had made an attempt on his life in the Badlands, it had been out of a frustration that he’d hidden away. Because Ven had been weak, easily defeated, Vanitas had viewed him as incompatible with his goals. By creating the χ-blade, Vanitas would have… done what? Destroyed Xehanort, and then what? Whatever his plan was, Ventus had been unable to do what Vanitas wanted him to.

 _“Become the_ _χ-blade,”_ Vanitas had told him. That would never happen, not again. Terra had defeated Xehanort, hadn’t he? Terra and Aqua had fought, and so surely the person who had caused so much pain was gone. No one would try again to forge that weapon. Though he now slept, the realm of light was safe. That had to be the truth.

Now, Ventus was here, and Vanitas was here.

“I’m sorry,” Ven whispered, brushing a lock of hair from Vanitas’s face. Vanitas had been stronger than him at the start. That was why he’d been the one Xehanort had taken – stronger, and willing to use the power of darkness. More aligned with the desires of their master, he had been selected.

What he’d been feeling before, as Vanitas had broken down, had been Vanitas’s despair at a situation he couldn’t escape leaking out from his heart. Feeling trapped, wanting to run but having nowhere to flee to. Ven knew that feeling, because it was something he’d been intimately familiar with as Xehanort’s pupil. Out of the few things he remembered, there had been that. Though Vanitas had started to rebel in small ways, had begun to subvert his master’s desires and interfere with his plans because of his own irrational feelings, Ven couldn’t imagine that he truly expected to just obtain what he wanted without a bitter struggle. Their fight had ended poorly for Vanitas, of course.

Did Vanitas hate him still? He’d been able to leave back then, and Vanitas had remained bound. Xehanort was no longer able to reach them, but the wounds he’d left still lingered. Without him, what would change? What could change? Could they actually heal from it all?

It wasn’t as if he’d actually left. There was no way of getting around that. Xehanort hadn’t freed him. At first he’d simply been abandoned, but after that he’d been expected to fill a role. Forging the χ-blade with his heart and Vanitas’s, to do… what? What had Xehanort wanted that weapon for? Vanitas had wanted it to end his suffering. Everything else was such a mystery.

That reality was so terrible that it squeezed his chest, made it so hard to breathe.

“You pity me.” In such a quiet voice, Vanitas had spoken. When he looked at the other boy, Ventus saw his own tears that had dripped onto Vanitas’s cheeks. They had begun at some point, spilling from his eyes to stain Vanitas’s face as well. “You think I’m pathetic, don’t you.”

Ven said nothing, knowing that the truth would only hurt them both.

“I don’t want it. Maybe I deserve it, though. I am pathetic. I failed, there’s not much point to me. You were right. I’m good for nothing. What I was made for, my destiny… I’m never going to be able to defeat you. I understand that. You can’t feel me. Our union was doomed from the start, would never be absolute.” It was so defeated. Vanitas had given up entirely, at least in that moment. Too drained to feel anything, though he hadn’t created a single Unversed. Ven hated it, this empty Vanitas. The other boy hadn’t even tried to draw away from him, was simply allowing him to hold his hand. Ventus knew that he should let go, but didn’t want to.

“I don’t know what Xehanort told you, or how much of it you believed.” The mention of him had Vanitas’s temper flaring. Ven may not have been able to feel it, but it was clear on Vanitas’s face. Vanitas truly hated their former master. That was something Ven couldn’t blame him for in the slightest. He was the same way, after all. “You know, he was wrong. The χ-blade wasn’t your destiny. It wasn’t either of our destinies. It was just a… a _thing_ , no matter how strong it was. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with you. You don’t have to have anything to do with it.”

Still, Vanitas had tied his entire being to it.

“You’re wrong.” The certainty with which Vanitas said it made his throat feel tight. This was what Vanitas believed. “I was created for its sake. Even if I wasn’t going to give it up, it was my purpose. It was mine. But I’m not strong enough. Tell me, Ventus… after failing in such an irrevocable way, what am I for? Why do I remain?”

“What? You’re… you’re not _for_ anything. You just are. No matter why you were born, someone else doesn’t get to decide what you live for. No one’s ever told… no, of course not.” Who would have told Vanitas something like that? Dreadful as the thought was each time it surfaced in his mind, the truth was that Vanitas had never had anyone but Xehanort. That man had only seen them as pieces in his plan, whatever it was. No one had ever given Vanitas the option of a choice, even if he had eventually started to make his own decisions. That had come too little, too late. He’d already become so, so cruel. “Vanitas… you get to pick that.”

“Say what you want, Ventus. It doesn’t make it true.” Vanitas sat up finally, pulling his hand away and wiping Ven’s tears from his face. Did Vanitas truly believe in an inescapable destiny? If so, why had he done something to sabotage it? His actions and reactions didn’t make any sense. Vanitas didn’t make any sense. He wanted the χ-blade. He wanted to kill Xehanort. He’d almost ruined the way to do it. “No matter what you think or say, the truth is that I failed at what I was born to do and I won’t ever get a second chance.”

Could it be that Vanitas didn’t know what he wanted either?

“Don’t look at me like that.” The other boy wasn’t meeting his eyes. Vanitas truly hated his sympathy. Even if Ventus himself didn’t find it to be such a bad thing to care about another person’s pain, Vanitas was having trouble admitting he even was in pain in the first place. Despite himself, he was starting to understand that part of Vanitas.

“Like what?”

““Like what.” Like I’m some hurt animal who needs to be nursed back to health.”

“Vanitas… you are hurt.” The memory of Xehanort’s raised Keyblade was stark in his mind. Of course Vanitas was hurt. He had lived with someone who was more than willing to raise a weapon to him in the interest of making him stronger. Ventus had sparred with Terra and Aqua, of course. But all three of them had known when enough was enough. There was a difference between his bouts with his friends and a one-sided battle that left the loser – always, always him – panting and sobbing and begging in the dirt.

“You don’t get to decide that.”

“Did he-” It was a stupid question, and Vanitas cut him off immediately with a reply.

“Yes. Training. I needed to be stronger.” Now, so far removed from it, Ven knew what it really had been. Maybe in Xehanort’s eyes it had been training. Ven finally recognized it for what it had always been. Vanitas may have become physically stronger from bearing that, but what it had done to the rest of him was simply horrific. It wasn’t worth it, could never be worth it.

“Then-”

“That doesn’t make me hurt. I fought back. I lost because I wasn’t strong enough, that’s all.”

Vanitas stopped just short of them, the words “It was my own fault.”

Hesitantly, Ventus reached out. Vanitas’s glare made him stop just short of touching his hand.

“Don’t touch me. I don’t need your pity. We’re enemies.”

“Then why did you give me this?” He’d slid it into his pocket with the others, but now held out the shell that Vanitas had… rudely, given to him. Vanitas stared at it in his outstretched palm, his gaze flicking between it and Ven’s face. It was faint, but Vanitas was… “You really don’t know why.”

Vanitas said nothing, looking away from him again. He had no answer. Facing his emotions had done something to the other boy, but Ven wasn’t sure if it had been worth it either. Making Vanitas cry like that, to the point where he’d collapsed to his hands and knees, vomiting and sobbing, was this moment of clarity worth what had led to it? Even if it had made Ven understand he wished he could have remained ignorant and someday learned some other way.

“Take it.” It surprised Vanitas so much that he turned back with wide eyes, his mouth dropping open with some hot retort on his lips that nonetheless never escaped his throat. Ventus raised his extended hand higher, pushing it and the shell in his palm closer to Vanitas. He didn’t know how to react, couldn’t figure out what Ven was saying or why. “I’m serious. If you can’t tell me why you gave it to me, I don’t want it.”

“You did want them,” Vanitas said suspiciously, eyeing the shell as if he half-expected it to rear up and attack. But it was nothing more than a single seashell, lying harmless in his hand. The only reason Vanitas had picked it up was because Ven had been collecting them, that much he knew. What it meant that Vanitas had done it, what had been going through his mind, that remained a mystery.

“I’ll find my own. I won’t accept it unless you tell me why you want me to have it.”

“Ventus, you already know that-”

“I know you don’t know why! But I think you can figure it out.” Sighing, Ventus reached out with his other hand to pull Vanitas’s forward. He remained silent as the shell was dropped into his palm, but didn’t yank his hand back or stop Ven from curling his fingers around it. “When you do, come tell me. If you tell me, I’ll take it. Okay?”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's back to Roxas. I love him with all my heart, but he still has some serious misconceptions on the vitality of ice cream to friendship. Watch in wonder as he comes to the conclusion that someone who's never eaten ice cream has never had friends! In this case, method of discerning it aside, he's actually right. I hope you guys enjoyed these calmer chapters, because things are gonna be ramping back up soon.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's been commenting, it's the only thing keeping me posting.

“Then he felt so bad for yelling that he got me ice cream, so I wasn’t upset for very long. Aqua thought it was funny, but only because of how flustered Terra was. I think she wanted to scold him for being hard on me, but he was already feeling so guilty that she couldn’t really do anything but laugh.” The sun had set long ago, but neither he nor Ven felt tired. Instead, he was reveling in the stories, stories of the friends that Ven had lived happily with. “We never told Master Eraqus about it, I wonder if he would have gotten in trouble. But I don’t think so, I think Terra was just embarrassed.”

“Oh, man… Have you ever had ice cream in here?”

“I wish! I guess it would just melt, unless a whole cooler washed up on shore. I can’t imagine it would, which is probably why it hasn’t happened.” Ven froze as a thought occurred to him, and then he was patting the blankets covering Vanitas’s sleeping form. “Vanitas has never had ice cream before at all! Isn’t that awful? He’s missing out on so much…”

Vanitas had never had ice cream. That was something that made his chest squeeze. He really had been all alone.

“Nothing else has ever showed up?”

“No, stuff washes up a lot. Vanitas used the wood from the crates to make a lot of the furniture, actually. Wait, did I already say that? Maybe I told Xion. But other food shows up. Bread, vegetables… it doesn’t seem to go bad, so we ration it out pretty sparingly even though it always tastes so good. Never anything really complicated. There’s a box of chocolates that Vanitas kept a secret for a really long time, there’s maybe six or seven left. Er… unless he ate some while I was away, I guess. The things that grow on the island grow really fast, so we usually rely on them. So, a lot of fish and coconuts. Well, there’s that fruit that grows here too. The tree on the little island, what did you say it was?”

“Paopu fruit?”

“Yeah, paopu. One of them came in one of the crates, but just one. We knew there were more on the tree, but we never went and picked any since we didn’t know how long it might take them to grow back. Me and Vanitas split the one that came in that crate, and it was so sweet that I couldn’t imagine eating an entire one on my own. We never had another, actually. Neither of us wanted another.”

“Hmm…” There was something about paopu fruit, wasn’t there? Something he had known about, something he’d forgotten because the memory had never belonged to him. There was something important about that fruit, something precious about it. The fact that Ven and Vanitas had shared one… that seemed like it was right, that it was something they had been right to do. Roxas thought that had to be the truth.

“We keep most of the food in that cave by the waterfall, since it’s far from the ocean and it’s dark and cool all the time. I know I said food doesn’t spoil, but I just feel better keeping it someplace safe like that.”

“You’re keeping _food_ in the secret place?” Roxas blurted out the question before he could really understand what he was saying, and Ven raised his eyebrows.

“It’s called “the secret place”? I mean I guess, but that’s not the name I’d expect for it. Is it that secret? Hidden, maybe. It took me ages to find it, so maybe it is secret. Or maybe I was just being kind of dense.” Ven propped his chin up on his hand, leaning over a little. “But we do, yeah. You’re acting like that’s bad, is there something I don’t know?”

Roxas furrowed his brow, thinking it over. He’d felt a sense of almost indignation at the thought of the cave by the waterfall being turned into a glorified cooler. Why? Probably, he wouldn’t get it unless he actually went there. And even then, he might not get it. “… I don’t know.”

“Hm… the only thing in there is a bunch of drawings scratched into the walls and a door that doesn’t open. We figured Sora wouldn’t mind.” Sora probably wouldn’t mind, Roxas had to admit to himself. And it wasn’t like Sora was using the structures in his heart.

They were the island, and they were not the island. What did that mean? That they were representations of a real place, but not the same. The core of Sora’s heart couldn’t be changed, Roxas thought. Everything was, as Vanitas had said, cosmetic. Real, important, able to be touched… but a concept. Roxas pushed the topic out of his head. It was too confusing to dwell on for long, because he couldn’t wrap his mind around it enough to find the words.

“I mean… you’re right. Sora probably would be too amazed at us all being in here to care about what we were really up to, I think.” Ven paused at that, and for a moment they only stared at one another. Nervously, Roxas opened his mouth and closed it again. He wasn’t sure why Ven was looking at him like that. “U-uh…”

“Sora has no idea we’re in here, does he.”

“If he did, he’d be trying pretty hard to get us out I think.” Roxas knew his grin was a little wry from the matching one Ven gave him. It was completely accurate. The only reason he could think of that Ven and Vanitas had remained in Sora’s heart long enough for them to be affected by his transformation was that Sora hadn’t known they were in there in the first place. “If he knew, I’m pretty sure we’d be out already. Sora’s just that kind of guy. He helps people.”

“You and Xion have only been here for a few days, though.”

“At the very least, I’m sure he’d be trying really hard.” Ven nodded at that, because it was the truth. There was zero doubt in his mind that it was the truth. Sure, Sora didn’t understand what was going on. But if he did, Roxas was confident that he’d would be confusing himself even more trying to undo it – to get everyone who was inside of him back out to live their lives again. Ven was sliding one hand into his pocket, but it didn’t seem like he was going to pull anything out of it. “I do really believe in him, you know? Because he’s me.”

“Huh… I guess you probably know better than me about that. We’re definitely all connected to Sora, that I do know. Even Vanitas. That’s why he looks like this. Xion said that this is basically what Sora looks like right now. Well, not in color. Wait, I said that in a stupid way.” Ven rested his chin on the Unversed, frowning as he tried to rework his prior statement. “I saw Sora once, when he was a really young kid. When I came to stay here. So I know he doesn’t have Vanitas’s black hair and yellow eyes, but the rest is mostly the same.”

“It was really jarring,” Roxas said eventually. That wasn’t a lie in the slightest. It hadn’t been as jarring as seeing Ven for the first time, though Roxas realized he’d adjusted to that surprisingly easily. But it had still been jarring to see someone who was and was not Sora. The differences were incredible, but for those first few minutes it had been wildly uncomfortable. “You look exactly like me, yeah. Or… I look exactly like you. But with Vanitas it was like… Sora, but wrong. That was what it felt like, sort of.”

“But he’s not much like Sora at all, huh?” That was an understatement, Roxas thought immediately. Faces aside, Vanitas was about as much like Sora as he was like a fish. Though Roxas was confident that Sora didn’t have everything together yet, Vanitas wasn’t even close to being a functional person. Roxas wasn’t sure he was any better, though. “You know, he’s kind of lame a lot of the time.”

“Really.” It was a little hard to believe, admittedly. What could he say to that? Vanitas seemed like a disaster, but he’d consistently remained a cool one. But Ven had known him for years. His judgment was certainly correct. As he opened his mouth to speak again, to ask, “What makes you say that?” Ven held a hand up to shush him. The Unversed in his arms was shivering, its lid rattling gently, and it dissolved as the others had like it was made of sand.

Was Vanitas going to wake up? As Roxas looked on with unease, Vanitas’s eyes remained closed. Ven leaned over him, cupping Vanitas’s cheek with one hand. Though he seemed to still be asleep, Vanitas’s brow had furrowed slightly. Whether that meant he was close to waking or not, Roxas couldn’t tell. It seemed that only when asleep was Vanitas truly relaxed, and even then it wasn’t certain.

“Jeez… Sorry, I wasn’t sure if he was going to wake up or not. Hold on, let me…” Without finishing his sentence, Ven scooted over on the mattress and gently pulled Vanitas’s head into his lap. Almost immediately, Vanitas sighed in his sleep and rubbed his cheek against Ven’s thigh. Roxas had to admit to himself that despite what he’d said earlier, it did seem that Vanitas was in fact capable of being a _little_ cute. Maybe that part of him wasn’t much different from Sora. “See? This is why he’s lame, he’s so clingy.”

“R… right.”

“Ah, maybe it’s just me again then. I don’t know. Vanitas is the only person I’ve had for a decade. We sort of adapted to each other.” Ven pinched Vanitas’s cheek gently, and the other boy let out a tiny grunt of displeasure. The reaction had Ven smiling, and he let go again with a chuckle. “I guess at this point I’ve… actually spent more time with him than I have with Terra and Aqua. That’s weird to think about. Sure, we were asleep for a lot of it, but it’s still technically true. I don’t feel like he’s more important to me than they are, but it’s a different kind of important.”

“What do you guys even do? I know Vanitas makes furniture, and you guys fought for a while, but that’s still… a lot of time. I don’t know how I’d fill that much time.”

“We… well, we talked. About all sorts of stuff, really. About what was important to us. About what I remembered, what he remembered… I don’t know if Vanitas has actually told me everything he knows about who we used to be. It feels like he’s still… Wait. Ah, jeez. I didn’t even say that, did I?” Running both hands through his hair, Ven sighed. Though his expression was somewhat tired, it didn’t feel like he was tired in a way where he’d actually need to sleep. It was just from what had apparently been a very troubled life. Again, Roxas wondered if Ven’s life had been a long string of misfortune. “I don’t remember anything important about my past. I think I mentioned that, but… the farthest back I can _really_ remember is Vanitas being born, and even that’s all… spotty. I only remember bits and pieces. Mostly that it hurt worse than anything else I’d ever felt, of course. But before that… nothing substantial, just echoes of feelings, for a while. The first thing I really remember is meeting Terra and Aqua, but even that’s just all messed up. I don’t know how we became Xehanort’s student. Sorry, that’s confusing… but back then we were the same, so it was “us” and “we”, even if Vanitas wasn’t him yet.”

“I… I get it, I think. I don’t remember being Sora, sure, but I definitely was him and still am. So even if I don’t remember it I went through everything he did before I, you know, existed. I’ve just never thought of it that way, I guess.”

“Hmm… Yeah, that makes sense. But that’s the truth of it. Me and Vanitas, I don’t remember… I don’t remember who “Ventus” used to be. I don’t really remember anything before the day where “Ventus” became… “Ventus and Vanitas”.” To Roxas’s surprise, Vanitas’s arms were curling around Ven’s middle. Ven patted the top of his head, sighing quietly. “Vanitas kicked and screamed and clawed his way to being a person. He really did. He fought every step of the way even though he wanted to give up and just lie in the dirt and fade away. But he never wanted to exist in the first place. Isn’t that awful? He didn’t want to be born.”

Roxas felt something cold settle in his stomach. That was something he’d grappled with, if only a little. Fighting for his right to exist… even though he’d eventually lost that fight, Roxas knew what it felt like. Had Vanitas wanted to go back to Ven as soon as he was torn out of him? That, he’d never experienced. Wanting to return to Sora… that had been what Xion had felt, not him. At least, he thought that was it. He hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to her about it.

“It is,” Roxas said quietly. What else could he say? It was awful. Not wanting to exist. For just a few moments, hadn’t he felt that? It was awful, it was a feeling of having no feelings at all, no good feelings. Just exhaustion. A sense of wanting to give up. “But… he doesn’t feel that way anymore, does he?”

“Nah. Look at him, sleeping like nothing’s wrong… It didn’t happen because it was some kind of cosmic plan, us becoming two people. It wasn’t for some greater reason, it wasn’t for anything other than someone who was awful and cruel and evil making it so. Even so, because it happened… I won’t thank Xehanort. He wasn’t doing me a favor. But even so, I don’t think I could accept a world where what happened to us was just undone. A world where Vanitas just went away, I don’t want that. I won’t accept that.” Ven looked at him for a moment, a pair of blue eyes just like his own. Something was in them that he recognized but didn’t understand. A feeling of wanting to protect something. A feeling of caring for something. Ven’s feelings about Vanitas were something he could only see the surface of. “We’re us. We’re not what he wanted us to be. We’re the “us” that we worked to be, an “us” that has nothing to do with Xehanort. Because we didn’t give up on being us, we turned into people who can see each other and smile. We’re different from the people Xehanort made. I won’t accept it. He was taken away from me before. And I lost him. I couldn’t hold on no matter how hard I tried, but it’s different now. I won’t let it happen again.”

Roxas couldn’t think of anything to say, so he said nothing at all.

“Hey, Roxas?” Ven’s voice was very quiet, so quiet that Roxas thought he knew what Ven would ask him before he said it.

“Yeah?”

“Can you… sorry. Sorry to ask you this, I know we’re the only ones awake, but… can you give me a little time alone with him? Just a little. I just want a little more time with just him.” How hard had it been, for both of them? An entire year apart. Roxas couldn’t imagine it. He’d kept trying, and it just seemed so horrible and lonely that he couldn’t fathom it. “He was awake, while I was gone. I slept mostly, but… Vanitas was awake all by himself for months and months. I can’t get that year back. So, just for a little bit…”

At that face, Roxas did nothing but smile as gently as he could manage.

“I mean, someone has to check on Xion, you know? I can handle myself.” He could. It might be boring, but he could handle being alone for just a little bit. Vanitas had been alone for a year. Roxas thought that Ven being the only one Vanitas saw upon waking… It was something he deserved. As he stood, Roxas noted that a shimmering haze was starting to rise from Vanitas again. That pot was forming from it again, and Ven was holding his arms out to it again. Roxas couldn’t understand it, what that Unversed meant. But out of all of Vanitas’s emotions, Roxas thought this one was probably Ven’s favorite.

Even asleep, it was like a part of Vanitas was there in that Unversed. Maybe that was because it was. A feeling he was sharing, that feeling that was for Ven. Perhaps he didn’t need to understand it. It just made him happy, because Ven was happy, because Vanitas was certainly happy as well.

With a smile that he didn’t need to fake or force, Roxas turned to step out into the night that had fallen. He’d go see Xion, because she was dear to him. Maybe, for a second time, he’d curl up next to her and fall asleep not because he needed to, but because he wanted to. Even if Xion didn’t wake for a little while longer, even if it might be a little lonely, Roxas thought it would be okay. The air was cool and crisp, and he closed his eyes to take a deep breath of it.

As he stared up at that sky, Roxas heard Ven speak again.

“Hey Roxas?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Though Xion still slept, he didn’t mind.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the Ven-and-Vanitas trauma hour! Now featuring the other kinds of feelings that impact Vanitas in unnatural ways, and slow reveals that Ventus has yet to realize the significance of. Maybe some day he'll figure some things out. Eventually. He and Roxas do have quite a few things in common, and "missing the obvious" is right up there.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments, they're what I post this story for.

There was very little to do but sleep. Sleeping was easy – Ventus was tired all the time. It was harder to stay awake, even if the only place he had to sleep was in the sandy shack or the hollow carved into the massive tree at the center of the island. Vanitas was no better, unless there was something on his side of the island that Ven hadn’t found yet. He hadn’t explored it incredibly thoroughly, after all. Almost as soon as he’d seen it for the first time, it had become Vanitas’s half.

A heart divided in half, one part for each of them. Maybe that was fitting. Things just repeated, it seemed.

Flat on his back on the beach, Ventus kept his eyes closed and let the sun’s rays warm his face. He’d doze off, wake up at some other time. Would this exhaustion ever end? Getting frustrated over it just made him more tired.

From somewhere else on the island came an explosion.

Ven sat up immediately, scrambling to his feet. A wave of something was crashing over him, his heart pounding and light. Something was happening, and all he could do was take off running toward the cove.

As soon as he reached the door, he could hear Vanitas laughing. It was a bad sign, Ventus thought. Vanitas’s laugh was manic, made him imagine the other boy kicking his feet in malicious delight. If Vanitas was laughing so gleefully, nothing good could possibly be happening.

Pushing that door open, Ven peered through in time to see a massive fireball streaking across the sky. It fizzled out over the ocean, tongues of flames flickering and fading. Was Vanitas back to creating Unversed? Ven found himself hoping so, but the overflowing emotion in Vanitas’s voice made him doubt it sincerely. If it wasn’t an Unversed that had done it, then…

Vanitas leapt from the tower at the center of the cove, his arms raised above his head. It wasn’t until he was moving that Ven set eyes on him, his expression ecstatic as he fell. Black lightning struck the sand below him, kicking up a cloud of dust that Vanitas landed within. Ventus could only see the shadow of his form as Vanitas extended a hand and launched another fireball into the air in a lazy arc.

It was magic. What Vanitas had just discovered was that he could use magic within their new home, and he was overjoyed. If it had been anything else, the way Vanitas was reacting might have been cute. Maybe it still was. His cheeks were dimpling in a broad smile, even as lightning crashed down around him again. Fire, lightning, and now a massive chunk of ice that broke the surface of the water in an enormous splash.

His laughter was genuine, delighted… pure. This was unfiltered happiness, something amazing even with how it had come about. Vanitas ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it in uncontrolled excitement. He was too worked up to stay still, was already taking off running and leaping from the ledge to the beach peppered with coconut trees. Bolts of electricity seemed to follow him, striking one after the other as if chasing him down.

Unable to say a word, Ventus instead hopped across the wooden platforms. Vanitas had disappeared from sight, and he wanted to see just a little more of what the other boy was doing. By the time he reached the ledge that Vanitas had jumped down from, he’d appeared again. One by one, Vanitas was hopping across the rocky outcroppings that lined the wall of the cove. It was like he was a dog running in circles, far too enthusiastic. His laughter was trailing after him, a fit of giggles that were at complete odds with who Vanitas usually was.

That sight should have been cute, Ven thought. Vanitas was excited, thrilled. Sure, it was over reclaiming or rediscovering his ability to use magic, something that was meant for combat. It should have been cute either way, because Vanitas was genuinely so happy over it.

But now, it was starting to become unnerving.

Vanitas’s eyes met his from across the cove, and the beaming grin on his face was… wrong.

“Look!” Throwing his hands up into the air, Vanitas gleefully rained down more lightning. His smile was wild, manic, and as Ventus watched he jumped from the highest outcropping to the top of one of the plentiful coconut trees. He spun around the trunk as he slid down it, landing with a thump in the sand and immediately throwing himself down onto his back. From that position he launched another fireball straight into the air, and it shot up several hundred feet before losing momentum and burning out. Laughing, Vanitas got to his feet without using his hands, rolling and snapping back up.

When Vanitas’s eyes met his, they were too bright. It was only for a split second, because Vanitas’s expression was now faltering. Ven realized that it had to be clear on his face how unsettled he was. Even though it seemed like Vanitas had been stunned silent by his reaction, the other boy was curling and uncurling his fingers over and over again and faintly swaying back and forth. Immediately, Ven knew that Vanitas wasn’t aware he was doing that. If he had been, he would have stopped. He just couldn't stay still.

Vanitas opened his mouth to say something, but no words emerged from him. After only a moment’s hesitation, he was taking off in a straight line toward him. Ventus took a step back, but Vanitas didn’t pop up onto the ledge the way he certainly should have. With a growing feeling of dread, Ven cautiously made his way to the edge and peered down.

There was no one there. All he could see was a rock wall and the sand with its massive boulder. Vanitas had disappeared. As soon as Ven thought that, he felt a heavy, thudding vibration beneath his feet. It almost made him lose his balance, but the puff of sand that seemed to emerge directly from the rock told him what he’d been missing all this time. He’d never jumped down to the beach itself, and so the angle with which he looked concealed the place Vanitas had bolted to.

There was a cave within that rock wall.

Wondering if it was better to leave Vanitas alone, Ventus nonetheless felt he couldn’t. The cave he finally set eyes on wasn’t massive, but it was larger than expected. That made him feel even stupider for having failed to see it until that moment. The boulder that sat next to its entrance was more than big enough to block the entire thing off, and now that he was on the sand next to it Ven realized there were faint gouges on the ground in front of the entrance. The boulder had been there before, and Vanitas had shoved it out of the way to access the cave.

“… Vanitas?” It was dark inside the cave, so much so that Ven couldn’t get a real grasp of how big its interior was. The entrance was only a little taller than he was, and about twice as wide. How deep into the rock could it possibly lead?

“Go away!” To Ven’s shock, the sound of Vanitas’s voice was coming from the ground. He was there, but… Again, Vanitas had turned himself into a pool of darkness and made himself untouchable. However he did it, it was worrying.

“I don’t think I should.” Ventus crouched at the entrance to the cave, resting his elbows on his knees. As bizarre as it was, Vanitas had nestled himself into the sand. If he reached out and rested his fingers over that dark spot, would Vanitas feel it? Would either of them feel anything? “Vanitas… I was wrong. This stuff, this is why you make Unversed, isn’t it? And now you won’t do it because I told you it was bad.”

“I chose.” Vanitas said it stubbornly, conjuring up the mental image of the other boy curled up in a ball and sulking. His excitement had petered out, leaving him sullen and irritated. This wasn’t something Vanitas wanted to talk about. “Leave me alone.”

“Look, I’m trying to… Okay, okay don’t, I know you’re going to say you don’t need my help. I’m not doing this because I think you’re… I don’t know. I don’t get it, but I can’t just see someone who’s hurting and not do anything!” Ven reached out slowly, and the warped shadow on the ground that was even darker than the rest jerked back away from his hand. He hoped Vanitas couldn’t simply phase through the rock and end up on the other side of the island. Running away wasn’t going to fix anything for either of them. Did Vanitas want to fix things? It had to go both ways, or nothing would work. Ven wasn’t sure if Vanitas would be willing to try, but the fact that he had decided to no longer make Unversed… didn’t that indicate that he wanted _something_ to change? Humoring him or not, Vanitas had stuck to it even once Ventus had regretted his request. And the seashells that washed up on the shore…

“I don’t have anything to say to you. I don’t need charity.”

“No one’s ever helped you before.” Vanitas retained a stony silence. That was fine. It hadn’t been a question, because both of them knew it was true. Curling his fingers against his palm, Ven pulled his hand back. They weren’t getting anywhere, were they? “Will… I feel really stupid talking to a puddle, will you come out?”

“Tch…” The only part of Vanitas that emerged from the ground was the top of his head. It was almost like he was peering out from underwater, his nose and mouth still beneath the surface. “I’m going to win. Don’t bother me.”

“Win against _what?_ ” There was nothing to fight here, no enemies but each other. Even then, Ven wasn’t sure he could still fight someone like Vanitas. He was just… “You mean your emotions?”

“Of course I do. Whenever you show up… go away. I’m not strong enough if you’re here, you throw everything off.”

“Do you think you can just make your feelings stop happening by being strong? Vanitas… I don’t know what just happened to you. But you were doing it before I showed up. It’s not a fight. You can’t _win_ against your emotions, that’s not how it works.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Ventus was being knocked back by a wave of energy. The explosion of it set his ears ringing, and all he could do was clutch at his head as panic set into his being. The situation wasn’t under control, it wouldn’t be under control. It was never going to be under control, everything was too wild and hopeless. Vanitas couldn’t keep his emotions in check. Vanitas was too we-

Weak?

“Y-you felt it,” Vanitas stuttered, and his fingers curled in Ven’s shirt to lift him back up. It was from Vanitas, Vanitas’s feelings that had burst out of him and flooded into Ven. The feeling of helplessness, the feeling of hatred, Vanitas. “You finally, my fee…”

The expression on Vanitas’s face was crestfallen. His mouth was hanging open still, though he hadn’t finished his sentence. The emotion that washed over him, flowing out of Vanitas’s ruptured dam, was crushing despair and uncertainty. What Vanitas had longed for, been hurt by the absence of, was Ven’s inability to share his emotions. What he had hated was its unbalanced nature. Ventus felt sick, wanted to vomit, sweat breaking out on his temples.

“I…” Vanitas started, letting go of Ven’s shirt and scrambling back, “I don’t… want this…”

“Wait,” Ven blurted out, reaching forward even as Vanitas backed away. He couldn’t help it. Feeling Vanitas’s emotions, the horror and sadness and resignation, wasn’t enough to keep him from holding his hand out. “Just… wait.”

“Don’t. You, you ruined it! It was supposed to…” Clutching at his head, Vanitas curled in on himself. Feeling what Vanitas felt was painful, invasive. Vanitas’s feelings were painful. Vanitas’s feelings had always been painful. “What did you do to me!?”

Not knowing what Vanitas meant by that, Ven nonetheless took one of his hands and pulled it away. Vanitas yanked it back immediately, recoiling in… fear. Being touched while unaware had startled him, scared him. Ventus opened his mouth and found no words to speak. Even if he’d known what to say, he wouldn’t have gotten the chance. Vanitas was lunging, knocking him onto his back and taking two fistfuls of his shirt to slam him against the ground. It didn’t hurt his body in the slightest, but his heart was another matter entirely.

Something had changed, he thought. But Vanitas was drawing back emotionally, furious with him. What he was unable to face was change. Only once he was seeing Vanitas’s response to it did Ven truly realize that things _had_ changed. The fact that it had taken him so long to consciously realize it made him feel foolish, but Vanitas was much the same. At the same time, it had sunk in for both of them.

Vanitas could no longer enjoy hurting him.

“Don’t look at me that way! Don’t you look down on me, don’t pity me, I don’t need it! I don’t need light!” Even though those words were spilling from his mouth, Vanitas was holding tight to him. His own feelings were confusing him, scaring him. Was it still pity? Seeing Vanitas in pain just…

Unable to speak, Ven simply returned that shaking embrace. What could he say to soothe his panicked agony? No matter what hateful words Vanitas shouted at him, no matter how angry he became, Vanitas had… “It’s okay to care about people!”

“I can’t! It almost ruined everything once!” Nonetheless, Vanitas buried his face in the crook of Ven’s neck. He was desperate for human contact, desperate for someone to comfort him. No one had ever done it before. No one had ever cared about him, only what he could do. What had almost ruined everything? “You did this, you made me-!”

“Vanitas… isn’t it better to not hate?” He asked it as quietly as he could, but it still made Vanitas jerk against him. As cruel and foul and confusing as Vanitas was, Ventus knew it was too late to not care about his pain. Sympathizing with someone who he should have despised, wanting to help him… maybe that was something Ven couldn’t help. “Is it that scary to care about someone?”

“It’s over. It’s over, I’m useless! I can’t do it! If I can’t fight you, I can’t- I can’t win, I can’t fight, I couldn’t fight back then either! Even if we leave this place someday it’s all over! You tainted me, I’m ruined, defective! Like this, becoming someone like this… I’ll never be able to become the χ-blade ever again like this! It’s already too late!” It was too late for both of them. Negativity was pouring from Vanitas, clinging to his skin like hot tar. He couldn’t even react to it, that sickening feeling. It burned, it stung, it filled his lungs and made it hard to breathe. Heavy, cloying, it gummed up his being. Shaking against him, Vanitas pushed himself up on his arms. Back then, but Ven had no idea when it was. A time when Vanitas hadn’t been able to fight because he had cared. A time that had almost ruined everything. Ventus couldn’t think clearly enough to figure it out. Vanitas was breaking down. “No. No, I don’t want to… This can’t be happening! I was going to destroy-”

“Xehanort?”

“Everything!” Warm tears were dripping onto his face, Vanitas’s furious weeping. What he’d done was pulled Vanitas back from the brink, hadn’t he? The brink of becoming someone irredeemable. With one trembling hand, Ven reached up to wipe his tears away. Those tears hurt, left a deep ache in his chest. Vanitas’s face twisted in misery hurt, Vanitas’s choked words hurt, Vanitas’s reality… he’d wanted to lash out, to end it all and his own suffering with it. Was that it? “If I have to feel like this, I’d rather never have been made!”

“Don’t say that!” Now Ven was reaching out with both hands, holding on to Vanitas’s cheeks even as they flushed and more tears fell down them. They ran together, his tears and Vanitas’s tears. He couldn’t believe he was saying it. Vanitas’s birth had been a… a crime, the result of something so awful that it had nearly killed him. The thought of that being undone, the thought of Vanitas simply vanishing… would it have been kinder? He wanted to beg Vanitas not to speak the words that were barely hiding beneath what had already been said. “Please… Something like that, it’s just…”

“It upsets you, doesn’t it? You understand it now, don’t you? I was never meant to leave your heart. I wasn’t supposed to exist like this, I was never supposed to stop being Ventus!”

“Of course it upsets me! I don’t want to see you in pain. What happened isn’t fair, being alive is supposed to be… it’s supposed to be more than just painful feelings! It’s, I’m not looking down on you, I don’t think you’re weak. Vanitas, you’re not useless! How do I…” If Vanitas exploded again, it would hit them both like a bomb. It was scary, something Vanitas was afraid of. Losing control of his emotions, releasing them unwillingly, it was terrifying to him and rightfully so. It wasn’t just his fear of that happening that made him reach out. He wanted to keep it from happening, but he wanted to…

“I don’t want to be like this!” His head felt empty, his pulse pounding. Everything was spinning, his consciousness blurring. Vanitas was…

“Then let me _help_ you!”

Vanitas deserved better than what he’d been given.

“I don’t nee-”

“You do! Everyone needs help sometimes, it doesn’t make you pathetic. You want to change deep down, don’t you? What’s the point in rejecting that, what does it get you? I already know the truth!” Though his words were emerging clearly, fraught with all the emotions that swirled in his being, Ventus felt as if he would lose consciousness. The more he felt in this place with his fragile heart, the harder it was to remain awake. He wasn’t the only one. Though Vanitas was meeting his gaze, his eyes were unfocused and swimming with still more tears. They were the same. They were just two beings that had been ripped apart, a person who had become two and could never return to being one. Vanitas was panting, his lips parted and his arms trembling. Something was building inside of him, an emotion set to burst. “Y-you’re not weak for…”

His hands and feet were cold, but his face too warm. Vanitas would explode, the intensity that he used to release as Unversed now kept inside of him like a lidded pot set to boiling. Vanitas would explode and he would faint. There was no way to stop it now, and Ventus didn’t think Vanitas even knew what was happening. Too worked up, he couldn’t recognize it. Too worked up, with emotion on a level that no one should ever have felt. “Ventus I c-can’t b-brea-”

Ven heard nothing more as Vanitas’s trapped feelings broke free and blasted them both into sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rise and shine, sleepyhead. Roxas continues to miss context clues, but luckily he has someone a little more observant to point things out to him. And, well, he's got some things to think about himself. Just a few.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for their continuing support! I really appreciate all your comments.

“Roxas?” The feeling of a hand on his shoulder roused him, though Roxas wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he’d fallen asleep. But it was nice to hear Xion’s voice, to have her next to him. Blearily, he opened his eyes to look at her. “Oh, thank goodness. I was afraid you’d gone to sleep in the bad way.”

“The bad way,” Roxas said blankly, before it actually registered. “The bad way” was, of course, the sleep all of them had fallen into upon being hurt. But the fact that Xion was speaking to him meant… “You’re awake? You’re awake!”

Roxas sat up hastily, almost falling out of bed. Xion laughed at him for it, and he couldn’t even be annoyed. She seemed completely back to normal, one hand on her knee, the other still extended though she’d let go of him.

“Of course I’m awake. Hey, you didn’t think I’d sleep forever, did you?” The grin on her face was so familiar. He really had missed it. Her smile, her laugh, everything. He’d just missed Xion. “I thought you might, though! Lazy bum.”

“How long have you been awake?” Had she gone looking for Ven and Vanitas, or woken him up immediately? Were Ven and Vanitas still in their room? How long had he slept? There were too many questions and no answers beyond what Xion could tell him. From the light outside the cave, he’d slept through the night.

“Maybe twenty minutes,” Xion admitted, sitting down next to him. It was a bit of a relief, knowing that she hadn’t been waiting around for him to wake up. “Sorry I woke you up, I just wasn’t sure if you actually _would_ wake up or not. I went to go find Ven and Vanitas, because I wasn’t sure what was going on. So I thought… You know, rather than bothering you, I’d go ask Ven. But…”

 

When Xion opened her eyes, it was to a dimly lit cave. She was in a bed, she realized immediately, but it wasn’t the one in Ven and Vanitas’s room. The place she’d been sleeping in was… The cove? And, next to her, curled up in that tiny space between her body and the cave wall, was Roxas. Memories filtered back into her mind, where she was and how she’d gotten there. Sora’s heart. And she had fallen asleep because…

_“Emotional unrest. Easy way to knock yourself out.”_

Was Roxas sleeping for the same reason? If so, what could she do? Whatever had happened, surely Ven and Vanitas knew. Somehow, she felt Vanitas was the better one to ask. Unsure as to whether or not she should try to wake Roxas, Xion instead scooted away from him and extracted herself from the blankets. If Roxas was asleep for an awful reason and she’d been asleep in that way herself, she was certain that Ven and Vanitas had left them to themselves to recover.

Xion hit the ground awkwardly, having rolled too far out of a bed that wasn’t big enough for two bodies. Whose bed was it that she’d just fallen out of? Vanitas’s? But the cave they were in was just a mess, something that couldn’t possibly be regularly occupied. Half-made shelves, dozens and dozens of rocks and shells, all of that was in a rough pile on the ground. A room in that state couldn’t be an actual bedroom. It looked like nothing more than a dumping ground for abandoned projects. Perhaps, based on the state of some of those pieces, it was for things that had come out wrong and been broken.

Still, the fact that there was a second bed made her wonder if her assumption that Ven and Vanitas either shared or traded off on sleeping in that other bed had been wrong. Maybe Vanitas did come to the cove when he needed to sleep, and that larger bed was Ven’s alone. Then again, Xion wasn’t sure that Vanitas even needed to sleep.

Pushing the thought out of her mind as too weird, Xion instead got to her feet and made her way to the mouth of the cave. It was day, but she wasn’t sure how long she’d slept. Somehow, she didn’t think the storm had been just the night before. The sky she stared into didn’t give her any answers, but Xion wasn’t sure that she minded. The breeze was cool on her skin, the smell of salt in her nostrils.

Sora’s heart was a welcoming place.

Taking another deep breath of that refreshing air, Xion began to walk. Roxas would be fine there. No part of her believed that there was true danger in Sora’s heart, the storm aside. Even then, she wasn’t sure that they’d been in any danger in that storm. Whether that was the case or not, as long as the skies were clear there was nothing to worry about. Sora was already keeping them safe, even if he didn’t know it. And Sora would continue to keep them safe, she was sure.

She had faith in Sora. She had faith in Roxas, and Roxas _was_ Sora.

But was that the same as Sora being Roxas?

Did it matter? Not knowing the answer, Xion walked along that beach. Through the doorway, up the stairs on the dock, towards the room in the tree that Ven and Vanitas had turned into a place for them.

At the base of that tree, Xion paused.

Was Ven awake yet? Hesitantly, she called up.

“Vanitas?”

From up above her, Xion heard a familiar groan. Then, silence, long enough that Xion opened her mouth to speak again. Before she could say a word, there was a clatter from inside that room, and then Ven was leaning over the railing looking as if he’d just woken up. He was shirtless, his cheeks red, an almost nervous grin on his face that seemed to counter the sparkle of excitement in his eyes.

“Xion, you’re awake! Hold on, I just have to grab some things! You can come up, I just need a second.”

Somehow, she’d expected Ven to say he’d come down. “Where’s Vanitas?”

Ven’s smile vanished.

“Maybe,” Ven started quietly, “You should just come up here.”

Something in his tone of voice made her want to bolt up the ramp, to scramble up that ladder and make sure everything was okay. Trying to keep the worry those words had brought packed down, Xion quickly made her way up to the room. Later she would really have to ask how he and Vanitas did it, that strange teleportation. It would have made things easier, she thought.

By the time she reached the room, Ven – fully clothed now, with one hand in his pocket – was sitting on the edge of the bed. There beside him, breathing deep and even breaths, one hand tangled loosely in the fabric of Ven’s baggy shorts, was Vanitas. The first thing she thought upon laying eyes on him was that Vanitas looked peaceful. His chest rose and fell over and over, bare beneath that blanket. His face, for once, looked completely relaxed. The grip he had on Ven was something he’d taken in that short amount of time she’d needed to reach the room.

And that grip he had on Ven was something he’d taken without a single thought, a gesture he didn’t need thought for. Because Vanitas…

 

“Vanitas is asleep,” Roxas said, half a question, half a statement. From the way her voice had sounded, not sorrowful and not confused but somehow both at once, he thought it had to be the case. “He’s still asleep, isn’t he.”

“Yeah. Ven was surprised to see me awake, I think. Then he seemed really worried, but he didn’t say why. He told me Vanitas got upset, but that he’d be okay soon. When I asked him if _you_ were okay, Ven said you were fine and that if you were asleep, it was because you went to sleep on purpose. He told me it was probably okay to wake you up. I was kind of nervous, though.” Ven had been worried. Why? He’d only been relieved to see Xion up and moving again. She seemed okay to him, but could Ven see or sense something he couldn’t? Unless…

_“Vanitas… he’s going to sleep too, for a while. Probably not as long as Xion.”_

“He thought Vanitas would wake up before you.” Xion blinked at that, before frowning. It did feel odd, even to Roxas. From what both Ven and Vanitas had implied, Vanitas was incredibly emotionally sturdy. Neither of them had expected Xion to be the one to wake first. Roxas didn’t know if it meant she was stronger than Vanitas had said, or that Vanitas was weaker or had been hurt more than expected. Maybe it was two, or even all three. Only one of them seemed like a happy explanation.

“Ven didn’t really tell me what happened, but I also didn’t actually ask him much. I asked if Vanitas was okay, and Ven said that he was upset and got tired and that he’d be fine. We talked about some other stuff, not much, but I never really asked why he was upset.”

“It was my fault,” Roxas said reluctantly, putting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin in his hands. “I asked him an awful question, I think… And, I was just so curious that I didn’t think about whether it would upset him. Xion?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ask Vanitas about Sora turning into a Heartless.” The last thing he wanted was for what had happened to happen again. Though he’d collected some of the wreckage, stacked it up in a pile, the room was still a disaster. Xion hadn’t seen what it had looked like before. Roxas couldn’t think of a way to tell her exactly what had happened, because remembering it made his fingers feel cold. “You remember what happened when I asked him about Terra?”

“When he pulled at all the trees, you mean?” Roxas hadn’t expected her to have forgotten, but it was good to know she remembered. Having a frame of reference made it easier, probably. Roxas still wasn’t sure exactly how to say it, though. “He did something like that again?”

Sighing, Roxas pointed to the mess that he’d barely cleaned up. Xion followed the line his finger had drawn, and then her frown was deeper than ever. A shelf in pieces. Legs of a stool. The cracked seat was angled in a way that the part of it that had been seared by lightning wasn’t visible. Mostly, it looked like it was in the process of being assembled. Xion didn’t know it had been whole before.

“All of that used to be actual furniture,” Roxas said dully, and Xion swallowed loudly. “Vanitas wasn’t trying to scare me to make me shut up or anything like that. I just… made him remember something awful.”

“He broke everything in here? Or almost everything?”

“This bed used to have legs.”

“Oh.” Xion looked down at the bed, her expression twisting up in something that shouldn’t have been as funny as it was. “Oh, _no_.”

“Right? Look at this, hold on.” Roxas got to his feet, almost tripping over his boots as he did so. Now that it wasn’t happening anymore, the scale of it was just so absurd that he couldn’t help laughing. It wasn’t actually funny, but Roxas found himself snickering anyway. He picked up one half of the stool’s seat, and realized by the lack of scorch mark that it wasn’t the half he was looking for. There had been a fifty-fifty chance, Roxas thought, and he’d picked wrong. When he held up the other half to Xion, her gasp made him feel a little bad again. His laughter, faint as it had been, ceased. Xion didn’t find any of this even slightly funny. Why had Roxas been laughing?

“We can use magic in here? Isn’t that dangerous?”

“He _didn’t_ use magic, I don’t think. At least, not the way we did. Something… _awful_ , just started happening all around him. I know that Vanitas didn’t do it on purpose.” Roxas rubbed the back of his neck, finding himself sighing. There were so many feelings in him, ones he didn’t know how to approach or even name. The heaviness in his stomach, that had to be guilt didn’t it? He’d made Vanitas feel so terrible that he continued to sleep. “What I asked him about, I think… maybe, Sora becoming a Heartless was the scariest thing that had ever happened to Vanitas. It had to be scary, didn’t it? Having a place you’d spent so long in suddenly drowning and all the light leaving. And then being all alone.”

“Roxas… do you think he thought he’d lost Ven forever?”

It took Roxas a few seconds to realize his mouth was hanging open. Vanitas was smart, Vanitas was perceptive. As grating as he was, Vanitas seemed to know almost everything. He’d simply assumed it, that Vanitas had known Ven was safe in Sora’s body as it reformed around him. _Had_ he known? Or had Vanitas thought in that moment and for the following year that Ven was gone forever?

The emotion that had brought such chaos and destruction, was it a memory of Vanitas’s terror at the thought of losing Ven?

Roxas sat down, putting his elbows on his knees and bringing his hands together in front of his mouth. In that moment, he’d been scared too – scared of something that lined up too well with the idea Xion had voiced. The whirlwind that had formed around Vanitas, it had filled him with the sudden and crippling fear that he’d lose Xion forever.

A recreation of the moment Vanitas had lost Ven.

 _“This is the most strung-out I’ve seen him in years,”_ Ven had said. Xion was right. The reason Vanitas was so strange and hostile and different from the Vanitas Ven said existed, it was because he’d been all by himself and scared. Despite Ven saying it had been the case, that Vanitas was capable of feeling fear, that idea hadn’t fully sunk in to his mind.

Vanitas had been scared. He’d made Vanitas remember something that had scared him, something so awful that just the thought of it had made him lose control of himself. Roxas felt stupid, thoughtless. It really had never occurred to him, but why hadn’t it? Was he thinking of Vanitas as some sort of superhuman creature? Was it because of that feeling, that aura about him making him feel more than and less than a human being?

No matter what it was, the idea of Vanitas that Roxas had formed in his head… it was unfair to him.

“I don’t think this is what Vanitas is normally like,” Roxas said finally. The instability of his moods, the seeming intention of driving him and Xion away, and Ven’s claim that it had been jealousy… all of it stemmed from a year of being alone and afraid, didn’t it? Even with his pathetic understanding of emotion, Roxas had eventually been able to figure it out. “He’s acting like this because he missed Ven and he wants things to go back to the way they were before Sora became a Heartless. Because he’s hurt from it. And… Xion, I don’t think Vanitas knows how to talk to anyone but Ven.”

“What makes you think that? Ven told me they were split up years ago, so…” Xion’s eyebrows were drawing close together, and she raised a hand to her mouth in thought. Having fallen asleep like that, Xion had missed the context he now had. Roxas frowned as well, running over all of the information he’d learned. Was it wrong to just tell Xion everything Ven had told him? He wasn’t sure, but Roxas couldn’t imagine that Ven would want to keep something secret from just Xion while telling it to him. “Has he just forgotten since they’ve been alone together for so long?”

“Ven told me that… Xion, Vanitas never _had_ anyone. He didn’t have someone like Axel to teach him how to be a person. Vanitas went with Xehanort, and Xehanort’s the one who messed them up in the first place. The only thing Xehanort taught him was how to hurt people.” Though Ven hadn’t said it outright, Roxas knew it had to be the case. Xehanort had only taught Vanitas to fight and bring suffering, so that he could make a weapon, so that… what had it been? So that he could start a war. He’d been kept away from others intentionally, until he had been… _Adequate?_ What was that supposed to mean? The thought made his blood boil. “Xehanort kept him away from other people. He never had anyone, and Xehanort never helped him.”

“But why? Why would he _do_ something like that?” What he’d said was making Xion feel exactly the way he’d felt when Ven had said it to him. Shocked, appalled, saddened. Vanitas had lived a miserable, lonely life that had led him to revel in the only thing that had been encouraged. He’d never met Xehanort, and yet Roxas hated him. “Roxas, I don’t understand it.”

“Me neither. Ven told me that Xehanort was evil.” Roxas paused for only a moment. “I believe him.”

Xion leaned against him, looking as if she wanted to simply put her head in her hands and stop thinking. What did it mean to be evil? Someone who took his student’s heart and ripped it in two. Someone who wanted to start a war. That was surely evil, an evil person. Why? Who was Xehanort, and what had he wanted his students to be? What had led him to do what he’d done? The questions piled up in his mind, too many and too complex. If Xehanort was still out in the world the way Vanitas thought…

“Roxas, what are we going to do?”

Roxas wished he knew.

“I think, the only thing we can do.”

“Sora.”

“… Yeah.”

Even when he couldn’t rely on himself, Roxas was sure that… he could rely on his other self.

“Hey, Roxas?” Xion put one hand over his, pulling it away from his face. He was actually glad for it. In this place no one was looking at him as _just_ a piece of Sora. He was part of Sora, but also himself. “Will you tell me what happened after I… went?”

That wasn’t a happy story, but Roxas didn’t think it was one that would break him.

“Pretty soon after that, I… defected. I left. Axel tried to stop me, but,” Roxas laughed, squeezing her fingers, “He didn’t try very hard. Later he tried _really_ hard to bring me back, but that was later. I think he just didn’t know what to do. He made me angry. I knew that Axel knew something about me that he wouldn’t tell me, so I was angry. And I think that… even though I couldn’t remember you, I knew the Organization had hurt you. I wanted to fix things, so I couldn’t stay with the people who had broken them.”

“He tried to stop me too, when I left. But…” Xion’s smile was wry, but it was there. He did feel bad for Axel, really. Roxas knew he hadn’t wanted them to leave, and that Axel had even maybe been afraid. In the end, all of his attempts… “I guess that didn’t work out very well.”

“Not really. After that, I know he couldn’t figure out where I was for a little while. Because, uh… Riku defeated me. Well, I defeated him first, but then he did… something. Became someone else, someone who kind of looked like Xemnas now that I think about it. I couldn’t defeat that person.” Roxas nudged at his boot with one bare foot, almost knocking it over. He wasn’t sure if he was actually trying to do that, or just messing with it for the sake of doing _something_ with his body. Part of him almost wanted to pace. Was the memory that upsetting? Of course it was. Roxas hadn’t known what would happen upon losing. He’d been scared. “When I woke up, I was somewhere else. Twilight Town. But it wasn’t real. I didn’t remember being a member of the Organization. I remembered being Roxas, but… the Roxas that I remembered being, he wasn’t real either. They weren’t my real memories.”

“But it wasn’t the way I had Sora’s memories. Are you saying that somehow, someone put fake memories in your head? How would they do that?” That was another thing that Roxas wished he knew. How had it happened? There was no way he could answer that, because he barely had the faintest clue.

“I have no idea. All I know is… well, I _think_ it had something to do with the computer.” Sighing, Roxas laced his fingers together. What could he say? What was there to say? The computer was all he knew, and it wasn’t as if he had any idea how it had worked. He’d been in a computer simulation, hadn’t he? Sora had entered it as well, and in the process… “The Twilight Town I went to, it was in a computer. They put me in the computer, I don’t know how. And, maybe because I was… data? They digitized me? Maybe that was why they could mess with my memories like that. It wasn’t Riku, it was… someone else. A man who wrapped his face in these red bandages, Riku called him DiZ. Riku brought me to him, and he put me in the computer.”

“A computer that can turn a heart into data…” Xion swallowed, looking almost as if she was breaking out into a nervous sweat. “And so they could take your memories of your past out of your head?”

Roxas thought about it, furrowing his brow. Had they pulled the memories from him? He didn’t know. But they had definitely fabricated them, new memories, memories of being a Roxas that lived in Twilight Town, a Roxas who knew Hayner, Pence, Olette… A Roxas who didn’t know Axel, and didn’t know Xion.

Abruptly, Roxas realized why Xion had asked.

Memories that didn’t belong to her. Could they have placed her in that simulation and pulled what was Sora from her heart? Roxas didn’t know. How closely was her being tied to Sora’s lost memories? Roxas didn’t know. But she was here now, as herself. The Xion that had met him, the Xion that had become his irreplaceable friend, the Xion that had lived a life that had nothing to do with Sora’s past.

Roxas thought that it would surely have been impossible. If it had been, even if DiZ hadn’t cared about the lives of a Nobody and a Replica… Riku, surely, would have. Naminé would have fought for it too, wouldn’t she? And even though Naminé didn’t have the strength to stand up to DiZ, Riku did.

It was impossible, because…

“They didn’t take them from me,” he said finally. Because they hadn’t. They’d still existed within him, and in such a tiny amount of time they’d come back to the forefront of his mind. “I started remembering really quickly, it all fell apart so fast. What they did, it didn’t work. It wasn’t that DiZ took my memories. He just smothered them and buried them under the memories he made for me. There was no _way_ it would have worked. If he’d been able to just type some things and pull the memories out… I think he would have done it, because it would have been easier. He wouldn’t have suddenly cared about us. But I think it would have been easier, to hit a button and take what didn’t belong back out.”

“He needed Naminé to do it.”

“She told you?”

“Naminé told me that… my memories were so mixed up with Sora’s that there was no way to give them back to him without erasing me. Naminé couldn’t pull “me” from “him”, so to get Sora’s memories back…”

“She'd have to tear you apart to put the pieces back into place.” Roxas wanted to cry. Naminé… he was sure that it had hurt her. He couldn’t imagine it, a Naminé who would do something so cruel without feeling a thing. Naminé, Riku… surely, it had been painful for them. DiZ… DiZ, he didn’t think cared. DiZ had treated him as something less than human.

He still hated DiZ.

Naminé and Riku, he couldn’t hate. Even having done something so terrible and cruel, Roxas knew he could never hate them.

“Yes.” Xion said it so quietly. That was the truth of it, the truth he could finally understand. This was why it had happened, why it had been necessary. Xion had willingly done it, gave up all that she was, making the decision to disappear forever. Because only one of them could exist – either she would cease being, or Sora would sleep forever. And he had been the same. “Roxas… I’m sorry. I tricked you. I hurt you and Axel. I knew that if I went back to Sora… Naminé told me that no one would have remembered I ever existed. All of the memories that were of me, everyone would lose them. Because when I gave Sora’s memories back to him, everything that had been “me” was lost inside him. All the bonds I had with other people went away, because there was no “me” anymore. I knew it would happen, and I knew it would be awful for both of you. I was scared of disappearing. But even so, I!”

“Had to do it.” Ah, but it hurt…

“What else could I do? My existence… I was holding Sora hostage, even if I didn’t know it and didn’t want it. Just by existing, I was doing that. When I realized that, I felt so awful, I was miserable. What else could I do to make it right? I knew I could just run away, but I would never have been able to forgive myself. It was… it was the only option I could choose to remain true to myself, even if it would destroy myself.” Xion looked down at her hands, as if they would have some answer written on her palms. That Organization cloak that she still wore… though it was the only thing she had ever worn, Roxas wanted the sea of Sora’s heart to give her something else. Something that would free her from all of that. “Riku was kind to me. Even though he wanted Sora back so badly, he was kind. He told me to think about it, what I would do. And he left me to do that. I knew, somehow, that in that moment Riku was trying his best to do what was right. Even though the only thing he wanted was Sora to wake up, and it was tormenting him to watch Sora sleep, he was still kind to me. He didn’t need to be.”

“Well, he wasn’t that nice to me,” Roxas grumbled, wanting to scoff and complain and push the memory of that split second of fear away. If he got angry maybe he wouldn’t have to think about it. “But I think at that point he just… couldn’t bear it anymore. When I defeated him, he shouted in such a pained voice. I couldn’t feel bad back then, because I didn’t understand it. I didn’t understand why he was fighting me, I didn’t understand what he wanted or what he was feeling. Xion, I think that… I don’t know how to say this.”

“It’s complicated. I don’t get it entirely. I don’t think you do either, and maybe Riku didn’t.”

“I think that when he fought me, Riku started to realize that I had a heart.”

The silence was almost oppressive, heavy. Both of them reached out at once, extending a hand to grab the other’s. Without saying a word, Roxas held on. Without saying a word, Xion held on. They’d failed to do so before. The more he thought, the more things and feelings and words spilled out, the more he felt that…

Though he wasn’t Ven and never would or could be, didn’t want to be, he’d truly found a kindred spirit in the other boy.

_“I couldn’t hold on no matter how hard I tried, but it’s different now. I won’t let it happen again.”_

Roxas didn’t think that the way he felt about Xion was the same as how Ven felt about Vanitas. But that feeling, the feeling of not wanting to let go, the feeling of wanting to cling to what he’d lost once he’d managed to reclaim it. That feeling, the feeling that Ven had felt, that was a feeling that Roxas had shared. Xion had felt it too, he knew. The pressure of her hand, holding tightly… even Vanitas had felt it, that feeling.

Xion was a part of his heart, and he wouldn’t let go ever again.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone it's time for an introspective Ventus chapter and some somber implications and realizations on his part. I don't know if this is the first time this has happened, but the next chapter (for Wednesday) is also going to be a Ven chapter! While it seems to have just worked out that way in the beginning, the fic does not follow any pattern with the POVs, so the Roxas->Ven->Roxas progression has been genuinely just a neat coincidence. Either way, the pain train is continuing onward. Maybe one day it'll slow down.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your continuing support, reading your comments has been a really fantastic experience. I am not kidding when I say they're the only thing I post for, and you guys have not let me down.

When Ven opened his eyes, he was lying on his back on the beach. The sky was clear and blue, only scattered wisps of cloud slowly moving across it. Even having slept, his head was pounding. There was a heavy weight on his chest, making it all but impossible to sit up. The warmth against him, ghosting again and again across his neck, told him what that weight was before he even looked.

Clinging to him but fast asleep was Vanitas, who had unintentionally knocked them both unconscious. He still slumbered, because what had happened had damaged him more. That was what it was, Ventus now knew. Their heart’s pain was what caused it, because they remained injured from that battle. It seemed so long ago now, but the wounds remained. When scratched at by strong feelings, they hurt so much that neither of them could bear it. And Vanitas… Vanitas had nothing but strong feelings.

As Ventus thought that, something crossed into his line of sight. Bobbing unsteadily, a Blue Sea Salt hovered above his head. As carefully as he could, Ven sat. Vanitas wouldn’t wake, and nothing he did physically would hurt the other boy. Even so, he wanted to be gentle with him. No one had ever been gentle with him before.

Once he was upright again with Vanitas cradled against him, Ven laid eyes on a beach flooded with Unversed.

There had to be close to fifty of them, milling about aimlessly. There was no way that Vanitas had woken before him and simply fallen asleep again. Unaware, he had nonetheless spilled them out. Being asleep didn’t simply erase what he’d been feeling, even if it had made him faint. Blue Sea Salt mingled with Yellow Mustard, Shoegazers bouncing across the sand. A Blobmob had split into a half dozen smaller Unversed, all of them slowly ambling around. A lone Buckle Bruiser sat on the ground beneath the trees, its shields lying at its feet. Within those trees was a swarm of Axe Flappers, all of them peering out nervously. And, seeming to loom in the air above the treetops, a sole Chrono Twister hung motionless.

What stuck close to them, watching with unnerving focus, was a single Thornbite that had emerged from a crowd of the things. All of the Thornbites were looking, but only one had moved forward. It sat directly next to Vanitas, one vine creeping toward him. Instinctively Ventus understood and scrambled back as quickly as he could, pulling Vanitas away before his rogue emotion could attack him.

Every Unversed on the beach turned to him as one.

He was going to have to run. He was going to have to sling Vanitas over his shoulder and flee, because he had no weapon and there were simply too many to fight off in his exhausted state. Feeling his heart start to pound in wild panic, Ven grabbed hold of one of Vanitas’s arms. There was no way he could get away fast enough. All of the Unversed were staring at him, all of them were going to strike at any second.

Before he knew it, a thrown shield was flying through the air. Though Ventus threw a hand in front of himself and flinched, no pain came, no contact. Opening only one eye, Ven saw that what had been struck wasn’t him, wasn’t Vanitas, was the Thornbite, which crumpled to the ground.

That single move sent the beach into a frenzy, Unversed turning on one another so quickly that Ven could barely process it. It was too dangerous to stay there, but he wasn’t sure he had the strength to run. Instead he scooted back, dragging Vanitas as quickly as he could into the cave. He definitely looked stupid and undignified and Ven didn’t care.

A chunk of ice slammed into one of the Yellow Mustard that was charging toward them, then another. All of the Blue Sea Salt were unleashing attacks on it, a barrage of projectiles that battered it so harshly that it burst in a cloud of negativity that was sucked immediately into Vanitas’s sleeping form. Some of the Unversed wanted to attack him, and some wanted to protect him. The best Ventus could do was get as far away as possible and wait it out, hoping that the ones that came out victorious wouldn’t come to strike them. More energy was being siphoned into Vanitas, another Unversed that had been destroyed. He didn’t know what it had been or what had defeated it.

The swarm of Axe Flappers was descending, and it only heightened his desperation to flee. Behind them was the Buckle Bruiser, lumbering with disturbing speed to the cave. This wouldn’t attack him, wouldn’t attack Vanitas, but the sight of it still filled him with trepidation. They had to run and couldn’t. It was too dangerous, but he was helpless.

Wrapping his arms around Vanitas as tightly as he could, Ventus watched in confused alarm as the Buckle Bruiser dropped its shields and began to push the massive boulder resting next to the entrance to cover it. He could no longer see outside, though the sounds of fighting were growing louder. With that boulder blocking off the cave, nothing could reach them. At least for that moment, they were… safe.

It wasn’t just the island outside of the cave that he couldn’t see. The only light there was what leaked in at the edges of the boulder, momentarily blocked out by another wave of dark energy flowing in. With nothing else to do and no way to defend himself if an attack made it through, Ven buried his face in the crook of Vanitas’s neck and tried to keep his breathing calm. If Vanitas would simply wake he could absorb them again, couldn’t he? But if he did, the risk of another explosion…

If he fell asleep again before all of the hostile Unversed were defeated, Ventus wasn’t sure what would happen.

“Vanitas, if you woke up that would be really great,” Ven mumbled, knowing that Vanitas couldn’t hear him. Something boomed from outside the cave, making him jolt against Vanitas. Immediately following it came the rush of energy he’d expected, then another wave of it. Vanitas had made all of them despite being unconscious. Did he truly have the power to push out his feelings even fast asleep? It couldn’t be right. It wasn’t being pushed, it was merely pouring out and taking shape. Right now Vanitas wasn’t in control of what was happening, in a heavy sleep and unable to do a thing. “Come on, wake up… If you wake up we can figure something out…”

He shouldn’t have woken up in the first place himself, Ven thought. His heart was still tired, was eager to rest again. Ventus was glad for it, though. If he hadn’t woken, he wouldn’t have been able to drag Vanitas to safety. Maybe both of them would have been destroyed by what was happening on the beach. All he could hear was a tumultuous clatter, Unversed clashing against Unversed in a battle over the safety of their creator. Vanitas’s emotions were at war with one another, having left his form to fight in such a disturbingly literal way.

Though Vanitas didn’t wake, he let out a tiny grunt as another burst of energy returned to him. It was pained, as if taking it back in was hurting him. That wasn’t quite right, but Ven didn’t know what it really was. Asleep, something was hurting Vanitas still.

“Give him a break already…” He felt kind of stupid, talking to himself while Vanitas slept in his arms. It really wasn’t fair, any of what was happening. Vanitas made Unversed, but couldn’t stop them from attacking him. No one could stop their feelings from hurting them sometimes, but this was on a different level. Not knowing what else to do, Ven brought one hand to the top of Vanitas’s head and stroked his hair down. This was happening because Vanitas was unable to truly calm his emotions. He was so jaded, distrustful, unwilling to accept what would have eased his pain. Of course Vanitas couldn’t trust anyone. No one had given him any reason to trust them.

Could he trust Vanitas?

The sound of a violent wind rising outside the cave had him even more nervous. Something was happening out there, louder than the fighting itself now. There was nowhere else to back up into – while they were safe for now, if the boulder blocking the entrance was torn away they were trapped.

Either a single massive Unversed or several had been destroyed at once, energy roaring as it rushed into the cave through the cracks. Vanitas’s arms around him tightened, but the other boy was still fast asleep. As that power settled back into Vanitas, the howling wind that had briefly swept the beach also settled once more. There was a tiny _tink_ as glass shattered, then the unmistakable whisper of sand pouring out. What returned to Vanitas was the Chrono Twister, and then there was silence.

It was over, then.

Ventus looked to the entrance of the cave, blocked off entirely still. If something didn’t come to shove it away, they were simply trapped until Vanitas woke and created something to do it. Was he strong enough to push it himself? Certainly not with Vanitas clinging to him, and he didn’t feel as if he could let go. Just the thought of it seemed wrong.

It wasn’t as if there was really anything to do on the island. He might as well just stay there and sleep again. Part of Ven wanted to do nothing but sleep again. Sleeping was easier. The war between Unversed had ended, and the fact that nothing was narrowing in on the cave meant none remained that wanted to attack. Closing his eyes was safe.

Pressing his cheek against the top of Vanitas’s head, Ven sighed. This hadn’t been something Vanitas had done on purpose, and not a bit of him blamed the other boy for it. As scary as it had been to witness, for once the Unversed that had come for him hadn’t been born of a conscious desire to do harm. Even if the ones that had attacked Vanitas before had been crafted from his own views of himself, these ones had been different.

The memory of the Yellow Mustard descended on his mind, and Ven knew he had to finally face it rather than dancing around it with vague words. Though Vanitas had cried out in fear, ordered his creations to stop, the reason that they hadn’t obeyed was painfully clear. Buried inside of Vanitas was the desire to be hurt, the desire to feel pain. Whether or not Vanitas believed he deserved to be hurt, his feelings had been stronger than his thoughts. He’d sought it out, deep in his unseen heart.

Vanitas had been hurting himself on purpose that day.

Ven didn’t know how long he sat there in the dark, his mind cloudy and tired but his heart aching. All the things that Vanitas had done to him, he wasn’t sure if he could forgive. They were too awful. Vanitas had even tried to kill Aqua, had drawn his Keyblade up over her unconscious defenseless body – that he could never, ever forgive. That was something Ventus didn’t want to forgive. Just thinking about it had him angry again, though he knew it wouldn’t help anything.

In his arms, Vanitas began to stir. It took less than a second for him to wake enough to react, and Ven grunted as Vanitas shoved him and scrambled backward. He couldn’t see the other boy’s face, didn’t know what expression he was making, but Ven knew why he had done what he’d just done. Barely conscious, taken unaware, Vanitas had reacted in alarm to an unknown situation, an unknown restraint, an unknown threat, and moved to escape it instinctively. That in itself… said so much.

Vanitas said nothing. Ventus said nothing. Neither of them knew what to say.

After a moment that seemed to stretch on forever, Vanitas crawled back over to him.

Neither of them knew what to say, and so they remained silent, and so they slept.

Ven knew he couldn’t forgive the things that Vanitas had done. Forgiving Vanitas himself, perhaps, was another story.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is way way shorter than I remembered it to be, but the upcoming one is a lot meatier! Ven's figuring some stuff out, but making some goofs along the way still. Having some realizations about himself too! What a learning experience.
> 
> Thanks for your comments, as always!

When Ven opened his eyes, there was light flooding into the cave. The boulder that had been blocking its entrance was gone, and he was alone. Somewhere, somewhere else on the island that made up their new home, was Vanitas. Fighting off lingering exhaustion, Ven got to his feet. He needed to find Vanitas quickly, because he no longer understood if the other boy was safe while alone. No matter how gentle and calm the heart they slept within was, it seemed it couldn’t protect them from themselves. Stumbling out of the cave and into the light of day, Ventus raised a hand to shield his eyes from the blinding sun.

“Vanitas?”

There was no one present on the beach, neither Unversed nor their creator. He had gone somewhere else, and hopefully… As his heart began to beat faster, Ven climbed up on the boulder to use as a boost up to the ledge above. Once he was there, he could look from the tower and find Vanitas if he was anywhere on this side of the island. Even as he thought it, Ventus knew that Vanitas wasn’t there. He’d gone somewhere else, maybe to hide. Where?

Ven knew his fear was at least a little ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. Vanitas was all he had, but that wasn’t the only reason he was worried. What if he wasn’t okay? The idea of finding him having dissolved into agony again was scary, there was no way around it. Hopping across the platforms as quickly as he could, Ven shouldered the door that led from the cove open. Once he’d rounded the corner, what he saw on the beach was Vanitas alone.

He sat on the sand with his knees drawn up to his chest, his face pressed into them and his arms around them. It was a picture of misery more elegant than the prior states he’d seen Vanitas in – crying, covered in snot and drool and tar-like vomit, bloodshot eyes filled with panic and fury. This was easier to take in, at the very least… but it wasn’t as if any kind of suffering was actually beautiful.

Unaware, Vanitas began to create. It was only for a moment, a cloud of blackness that rose from the back of his neck. But then his shoulders were tensing, and whatever had been trying to take shape dissolved once more. Slumping, Vanitas let his hands fall to his sides and merely sat with his face against his knees. No longer rejecting his emotions, Vanitas was now rejecting a safe outlet for them.

“Vanitas.”

How much did he need to get rid of to be safe? The overpowering circumstances of his being were a total unknown. Nothing like Vanitas had ever existed before, had it? Someone who felt on a scale unlike anyone else in the world sat on that beach, trying to hold every drop inside. Vanitas and his emotions were like a glass of water – if everything left he stopped functioning, was empty and did nothing. If everything stayed, it would eventually spill over and soak everything around him.

Vanitas wasn’t looking at him even though he had spoken, remained still. From what Ventus could see of his face, he was bright red. Embarrassed… no, ashamed. He said nothing, did nothing but suck his cheeks in, and Ven sighed as quietly as he could before stepping closer.

“Liste-”

“I failed.” That simple statement made Ven forget what it was that he’d planned to say. Vanitas had failed. At what? It seemed that Vanitas considered his fundamental nature to be failure now, as horrible as that was. “None of this can be changed.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Plenty’s changed.” A few weeks ago – he thought it had been weeks, but maybe it was months or even longer – sitting down next to Vanitas would have been inconceivable, but he was doing it. Having a normal conversation, not wanting to fight, it wasn’t something he’d thought would be possible in a thousand years. “We’re sitting right here, aren’t we? Both of us aren’t the same as we were before.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Though he wasn’t sure why, Ventus got the feeling that Vanitas wanted to touch him. Something so simple had been denied to him for so many years. How long had it been since Vanitas had felt it, the warmth of another person? No, but he’d never felt it. As Vanitas, he’d never felt it at all until now. “The Unversed. I wasn’t supposed to create them.”

“Wasn’t suppo… Vanitas, you know you don’t have to do what I tell you to, right?” The idea that Vanitas was now simply following his perceived orders hadn’t occurred to Ventus until that moment, but it sent chills through him. Vanitas finally raised his head, turning a withering glare toward him that silently conveyed his anger at the words. It hadn’t occurred to him, and it was wrong. “That’s not what you’re… okay, I don’t get it.”

“Just,” Vanitas started, waving a hand as if he expected that to convey some message, “I’d decided. My choice, no more Unversed. It has nothing to do with you.”

That was a lie, but Ven didn’t know what to say about it. He couldn’t tell if Vanitas recognized it or not. Did he believe it himself? The more he realized, the more he thought Vanitas lied to himself.

“Even so, I released them. I’m not strong enough yet. Even if it’s far better than it once was, it’s not enough.” Vanitas really was looking at it as a measure of character now, and considered himself to have failed his test. It was sadder than he’d expected it to be. Ventus could only stare at the other boy, even as he turned his head to look to the water. So much could have been avoided if… But, there was simply a long line of “ifs” that could have changed things. If he’d defeated Vanitas soundly in that first battle, if he’d remembered what Xehanort had done sooner, if he hadn’t let Xehanort do it in the first place, things wouldn’t have come to what they had. But if he’d kept his heart whole, Vanitas would never have existed in the first place.

The fact that thinking of that, of Vanitas never being born, felt wrong was… sobering. Maybe it would have been kinder for him, for Vanitas, for everyone, if he had never done whatever it had been to become Xehanort’s pupil in the first place. None of what had happened would have happened, he would have remained complete and safe. It would have been better, wouldn’t it? Even knowing that objective truth, the idea of that reality didn’t make him happy, wasn’t something he wanted.

Someone who should never have been born sat beside him, and, stupidly, Ventus was glad he was there.

“Like I said, that’s… really not how feelings work. You don’t win against them, it’s not a matter of willpower.” A muscle in Vanitas’s cheek twitched, but he didn’t so much as glance away from the ocean. Though he was listening to it, Vanitas didn’t believe what he was saying. “You can’t just keep them locked up and make them go away. You shouldn’t… you just can’t let them control you.”

“You weren’t listening to me, were you? Back then, when you suggested this. That’s good, though.” Ventus didn’t know what he needed to do to convince Vanitas that bottling his feelings up with no care as to when the cork would burst wasn’t good in the slightest. He’d been wrong, had thought he understood the situation and had utterly failed to do so. Back then, Ven _hadn’t_ been listening. His mind had clouded and dizzied at what had turned out to be a crucial moment and he’d missed what was important, only heard what aligned with the idea he’d already believed. So many of Vanitas’s words had fallen on deaf ears, and Ven wouldn’t get a second chance to hear all of what had actually been said.

Was it honestly his fault? His thoughtless suggestion was poisoning Vanitas, and he didn’t even recognize it for what it was. Thinking he had been telling Vanitas to accept his emotions, all Ventus had accomplished was getting him to stopper them up until the pressure was so crushing that he simply exploded.

There had to be a way to make it work, didn’t there?

“I was… wrong.”

The only response he received was a disinterested snort.

“Vanitas, come on.”

“It was your request in the first place, Ventus. You’re being contrary now. Would you say you regret it?”

“Yes.” The quickness with which he admitted it had Vanitas pausing visibly. Surely that wasn’t all it was going to take. Him believing something, being honest, didn’t mean Vanitas would suddenly do the same.

As expected, Vanitas soon brushed it off. “Think whatever you want. You can’t do what I can do. They may be escaping me now, but that’s merely temporary.”

Vanitas clearly couldn’t make up his mind. Either things were unable to change, or they were. His ideas of fate and destiny, they clashed with his ego and determination. Which one did Vanitas truly believe? And, if it was the wrong one, how could Ven possibly change it?

Not saying anything more, Vanitas got to his feet and walked away.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's Roxas time! Now featuring Ven trying to explain something he's never put into words before. He just gets it. Well, he'd have to explain it eventually. The next chapter is one of my favorites, because it's got a lot of shenanigans. Tune in Sunday for shenanigans. As for today, have some numbers.
> 
> It snowed the other day and I'm not lovin' it. Thanks a lot, nature. And as always, thanks to everyone who's commented!

“Then it just turned out to be a dog in a bag,” Roxas complained, his voice exasperated. Rather than speaking of everything that was painful, everything that he still hadn’t processed, he’d chosen something a little lighter. The more they talked about what hurt, the more he risked exercising his new talent of making his companions fall asleep. It had been a good choice, if only for the reactions he was getting. Xion let out a snorting giggle, covering her mouth with her hand. Some of those Seven Wonders had really been something else, he thought. A dog in a bag, Rai miscounting… but the real Twilight Town, had some of them been real there? One of them had been a Heartless, sure. And Roxas thought, now that he had his memory back, that many of the ones in the simulated Twilight Town had been lesser Nobodies raising chaos in their mindless search for him. Maybe they had been nothing more than errors in the system. “The train, that one I don’t know. Hayner, Pence, Olette, I don’t think they were able to see it. But I’m really not sure what it was. Everything else was probably either something messing up in the system, or a bunch of… probably Dusks, looking for me.”

“Like when they stole all the photos?” It was ridiculous to think about it now. Why had the Dusks taken the photos? The only thing he could think of was that they couldn’t tell the difference between the pictures and the actual him. Roxas thought that Dusks were probably that stupid, admittedly. They couldn’t help being stupid, they didn’t have minds. “That’s funny. Even if they were there for a kind of scary reason, Dusks are still Dusks I guess…”

“You know, I was so weak in there. I don’t know if it was something to do with the computer or something Riku did or something about how they turned me into data, but once I was able to use my Keyblade again I was actually struggling to beat Dusks. Dusks!” He could only laugh at that, really. The whole thing had been a mess, so what else could he do? But that felt like a repeated thought lately. Laughing was all he could think to do. Dusks, he’d had a hard time defeating Dusks. That was so stupid. “At first I couldn’t even do anything to them, all I had was a Struggle bat. I couldn’t bring my Keyblade out.”

“Hey, uh…” Ven’s voice was a little hesitant, and when Roxas looked up it was to see the other boy standing at the mouth of the cave with clear nervousness on his face. He was alone, looking so sadly lost, one hand shoved in his pocket and the other raised in an awkward half-wave. “Sorry, am I interrupting?”

“No, no! You’re fine.” Xion patted the bed, and both of them moved over to make room for him. Because Ven was there alone, Roxas suspected that… “Vanitas is still asleep?”

“Yeah,” Ven said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. Even sitting between them, it felt like not all of Ven was there. “Lost” was truly the right word for it, the demeanor that Ven had. He looked so small. Vanitas was still asleep, long after Xion had woken up. It was concerning, to say the least, that Ven’s judgment had been so off. “I just… you know, I’m worried.”

“But he’s okay, right?” Roxas didn’t know what else he could say. If something was wrong with Vanitas, Roxas was certain Ven wouldn’t have left his side. So he was certainly okay, just… asleep. Still asleep. Roxas had felt bad before, having upset Vanitas that much. But Ven being worried, that was even more concerning. “Ven, I… I’m sorry, this is my fault.”

“No, no… I think I know why you asked him and not me. You couldn’t have known that it was harder on Vanitas than it was on me. Roxas, I know Vanitas comes off as being sturdier than I am. I already said, but he was right to tell you he heals faster than I do. But being strong and determined doesn’t really help him when his mind is fighting itself. He can’t stop hurting just because he _wants_ to. No one can.” Ven laced his fingers together, looking down at his hands. It seemed like his mind was the same way. Roxas wondered what it was inside of Ven that was hurting him. Awful memories, his concern. Maybe even the affection he felt for Vanitas was hurting him, because he couldn’t have him by his side. “He’d probably be mad or embarrassed if he knew I told you guys this, but Vanitas isn’t stable right now.”

“What does that mean?” Roxas knew it was true, but he wasn’t sure that he understood the extent or specifics. Maybe Ven didn’t mean what he thought, either. Certainly, Vanitas was unstable. That was something Roxas had already realized. But how did Ven mean it? Was he talking about Vanitas’s emotions, or his existence? Roxas wasn’t sure what it would mean if a heart was unstable.

“His mood’s changing in seconds, he can’t control it. That’s why I keep asking him to make Unversed.” When it became obvious that neither he nor Xion understood what Ven meant by that, Ven frowned. They really had forgotten how to talk to other people – but Vanitas had never known. It was Ven who had forgotten. “When he makes them, it helps him to feel less. Vanitas can take the things that are inside of him, that are hurting him, and he can put that into an Unversed. If he’s upset, if he’s sad or scared, he makes Unversed and gets the feeling out so he’s okay again. He used to just force everything out so he didn’t _have_ to feel. But it didn’t actually solve the problem.”

“He got rid of the emotions by making them Unversed and sending them away.” Xion wasn’t asking, just waiting for Ven to confirm that she was understanding it correctly. Ven nodded, looking a little saddened. Roxas could and couldn’t understand it. He’d spent so much time learning how to feel things in the first place, and Vanitas had intentionally pushed all of that away? But then, to not have to feel anger or fear or sadness… suddenly, Roxas realized that in all likelihood, almost all the emotions Vanitas had ever felt before becoming close to Ven were negative. Of course he’d forced it all out. If it had been nothing but pain, of course Vanitas would have gotten rid of it and held on to the few things that felt good. The way Ven had said it, though…

“He doesn’t do that now, though?”

“No. Just enough that he’s safe again. Look, I know he wouldn’t want me to tell you guys this. So I do feel bad about it. But I think you guys need to understand it! Whether or not Vanitas likes it this is important, so it’s better if we talk about it sooner rather than later. Putting off stuff that’s important is no good, I understand that now. So even if he’s not awake, I’m going to tell you anyway. It needs to be said. I need you guys to get it so that we don’t have stuff happen like what happened.”

“I messed up,” Roxas said. Ven shook his head immediately. As Ven opened his mouth to speak, Roxas thought he could relate to the way Vanitas had held a hand up to silence them. Rather than doing that he shook his head as well, a way of telling Ven to wait and hear him out. “No, I did. I didn’t understand, sure, but I still messed up. I kept pushing him. So… you’re right. We do need to know this, because what Vanitas did? Just the thought of it… scares me to death.”

Ven was quiet for a moment, as if he was remembering something long past.

“Vanitas just… feels things very strongly, not the way people normally feel. He has something inside him that no one else does. For a while, what we did was, uh… Well, at first Vanitas tried to keep everything inside.” Ven scratched his cheek with one finger, a nervous gesture. It seemed like he really was feeling awful about revealing Vanitas’s secrets. And Roxas thought that Vanitas _was_ going to be angry or upset, that he might be frustrated with Ven. But he didn’t think Ven would be in any danger from it, and he didn’t think Ven would allow him or Xion to be in danger from it either. The most dangerous thing, Roxas thought, was a Vanitas who he had no insight on. “That, that was a really bad idea. It was my fault. Vanitas never really learned how to deal with awful feelings, just got rid of them. And before he started trying to hold everything in I just didn’t understand how strong his feelings actually were. But he was, it was awful. If he couldn’t make Unversed, all of that stuff had to get out a different way. His body, his heart, it can’t _hold_ all of it and gets sick, so it bursts out. If he doesn’t make it into something, it just hangs around him and burns him up and then it explodes. He gets stuck in it, it's a vicious cycle. Vanitas told me that when he was first born he was making Unversed without meaning to, it just happened. It scared him, so he destroyed them. And destroying them hurt him. So that-”

“Made more.” Xion took Ven’s hand as she said it, completing the sentence for him. It wasn’t hard to figure that out. “And then he couldn’t calm down, so it got worse and worse.”

“Right. If he pushes it all out, Vanitas feels absolutely none of what he got rid of. But it makes him strange, he doesn’t move right, he doesn’t speak right, he doesn’t react right. Having this totally unequal balance of tiny bits of good things and then the rest of his head being empty… it makes him unaware, unless there’s something major happening or something to snap him out of it. When he gets rid of his feelings, he acts _wrong_. They’re supposed to be there and it’s like he threw a part of his mind out. Too much of it, so much that he’s hollow inside.” Ven looked so small. It was something that his feelings influenced. Somehow, though his size didn’t truly change, when Ven talked about it, the awful truth of Vanitas’s being, he seemed to shrink. “That was what he was doing before, hollowing himself out. Because if he didn’t, there was too much. I couldn’t understand it until I saw him trying to hold it all in. Vanitas tried fighting it down, but he couldn’t handle it. Of course he couldn’t, who could? He’d run away, I’d find him unconscious afterward. He kept vomiting up all that black stuff you saw, Roxas. It’s because he was doing something bad for himself. Once he started trying to hold it all, Vanitas did that all the time. He ran, he exploded, he threw up, I’d hear him sobbing and then he'd pass out. I hated it. It didn’t work. We had to find something else, because he was just hurting himself again.”

“You found something that worked?” Roxas hoped so. He thought it had to be the case, because if they hadn’t the island surely would have been swarmed with Unversed, or the Vanitas that he’d met would have been a constant hurricane of emotion. What did he do? In the face of such overwhelming feelings that spilled over his edges, what else could Vanitas have possibly done? Roxas didn’t know what he would have done. Maybe he would have ended up exactly the same way, trapped and scared. Getting rid of it all would have been preferable, wouldn’t it?

“It took a while. He got sick and fell asleep, and I realized that… the extra feelings were still leaking out of him. That’s why I can’t tell him he’s making them in his sleep, you know? If I did, I think he’d be scared. Even though this time it’s okay, he’s not making anything bad while asleep anymore. Back then he was making awful things, they were just spilling off him. But I realized that what he was doing was making the extra into Unversed, not pushing it all out. It took me a lot longer to figure out how that could help.” Ven stood up from the bed, forming a sphere of light and tossing it to the ceiling to illuminate the cave. It hadn’t been particularly dark, but it seemed Ven needed the light for what he was going to do. He knelt to the sand, beckoning them over with one hand and starting to draw with the other. No, write. He was writing numbers into the sand. “Okay, I’m gonna try and make it as simple as possible. What was happening was this. If we look at it with numbers I think it makes more sense, even though I hate numbers. Vanitas mentioned ratios a while back, but as for me…”

Ven had written a few in the sand now, 0 and 100. Then a symbol Roxas didn’t recognize, two circles divided by a diagonal cut.

“I think it’s easier to think of it in percentages. Ever since you guys got here I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain it, and this was the simplest thing I could think of. Eventually I just understood things without having words, but that doesn’t help you guys so I knew I had to come up with something else… and actually, it helped me to finally sort through the stuff I understood and really get it. Basically, Vanitas was going between extremes.” Ven wrote a 10, followed by that symbol again. “He was keeping probably around this much. If the maximum a normal person can feel is 100, the most intense emotions that someone can feel, he was keeping about 10. The rest he was pushing out. Once he reached this maximum Vanitas just started pushing. Sometimes, even before he got to that point…”

Ven wrote a 75, then an arrow. Following the arrow, he wrote a 10 again.

“He’d go down as low as he could go while still staying awake. It was like he was gone when he did that. Vanitas didn’t really hear what I was saying, he barely reacted to me. I really just felt like he was gone, like I could put my hand right through him. It scared me so much, I didn’t know what to do. I learned later that before, when he was… No, I shouldn’t. Anyway, the biggest problem that Vanitas was having was that, well.”

Ven wrote “130%” in the sand.

“More than maximum,” Xion said slowly, and Ven nodded.

“Vanitas didn’t even know how to handle 75%, because he’d never faced his feelings. He was starting to realize that the method he was using didn’t work, but he was trying to hold it all in. It was this weird idea of thinking he needed to face it all at once, that this was the secret to recovering from it all and… winning against it. So even though he couldn’t handle even that 75%, Vanitas was trying to hold on almost double that much. That was why he was just going nuts. It was so bad that he couldn’t do anything but burst. The second he started feeling more than he thought he could take, it all spiked because he was afraid of what was going to happen.”

Ven wrote “40%” into the sand.

“While he was asleep, he couldn’t get rid of everything. That was how I realized he could give some of it up. Vanitas took a long time to be able to do it. He got overwhelmed, so he couldn’t stop and concentrate to just give up part of it. If he pushed out too much, at first he just wasn’t aware enough to take a little back. It was sort of all or nothing for a long time. 40… when he was at, say, 110, if he gave up about 40, he could think. Sometimes he gets a little mellow, but he knows what’s going on around him and he’s, you know, there with me still. Just… subdued, I guess.” Ven’s finger hovered over the sand, as if he couldn’t figure out what to write or say next. Breaking it down like that, with numbers, did actually make it easier for him to understand. But what everything made Roxas think of most was a glass of water. When Vanitas was filled to the brim, he would scoop some of the water out and set it aside. And then… what? “He could make an Unversed, just weaker. Just a little bit of that feeling, enough to calm down. So that’s what we started to do, he learned how to do it that way with lots and lots of practice. Vanitas would make an Unversed, just a weak one. We’d talk at that point, or I’d just, you know, stay close to him while he sorted things out. Once he started accepting my help, admitting how he was really feeling, things just… well, got easier. We started getting better, and his moods evened out a lot once he wasn’t injured so badly. Back when we were still really hurt, he was all over the place and doing exactly the opposite of what he needed to do. Eventually we figured that out, that he was doing something really bad for him. Nowadays Vanitas even makes Unversed out of just a tiny little bit of an emotion, not because he _needs_ to get rid of it but because he can use it for a good reason. He didn’t really do anything like that before. Back in the beginning, Vanitas just emptied himself out and sent them off to fight. He’s hurt again, so he’s having a hard time again. It’s going to get easier for him, but right now it’s bad and he’s really, really… unstable.”

“Ven, what… what did Xehanort do to him?” Ven’s shoulders jerked at the name, or perhaps the thought. Xehanort _had_ done something. Vanitas had intentionally misled him, Roxas knew. Vanitas had directed the conversation away, kept him from asking him outright. By framing it in the context of their hearts being split from one another, Vanitas had kept Roxas away from that line of thinking.

After the moment of that split, hadn’t Xehanort hurt Vanitas _as_ Vanitas?

“Mostly…” Ven looked ill, pale. He wanted to take the question back, but didn’t know how. Something that just the thought of made Ven look like that, it was scary. Though he was hesitating, all of them were, Ven began to speak again. “Mostly, Xehanort left him to himself to train. But when his progress wasn’t – Roxas, Xion, I… I can’t talk about this, it’s not right for me to tell you. No, I don’t want to.”

If it was something that Ven would outright refuse to answer, Roxas thought he might be sickened to hear what he would say if he had done so.

Maybe it was better that Ven was rejecting the question. No matter how curious he was, Roxas wasn’t sure if he’d ever ask it again. Ven hadn’t even been comfortable with sharing what he’d told them in the first place, only speaking out of necessity.

This, he wouldn’t tell them.

Far too late, Roxas remembered that Ven had been Xehanort’s student too. That was something he didn’t want to uncover – his own past.

“But… that’s how we got to a place with more stable footing, I guess.”

“And he still does that? Makes an Unversed, and you… what do you do with it?”

“Hmm… well, I think you’ve already sort of seen that, haven’t you? Back when Roxas first got here, Vanitas sent me a signal that he wa- uh… Well he sent me a… an Unversed, the one that looked like a cat. I sort of give them some attention usually. It depends on if they’re nice or not, though. A lot of the time, if they’re something Vanitas _needs_ to get rid of a little bit of, they’re not a good emotion.” Ven gave them a nervous-looking shrug. It made sense. There was no reason to need to get rid of a positive emotion, was there? So what Vanitas gave up had to be almost exclusively negative. But then, what of the ones that had appeared while Vanitas slept the night before? “Usually, if he’s making nice Unversed… Actually, I call those ones Versed, but Vanitas thinks that sounds stupid. I don’t think it is. I think it’s good to call them that, at least for me. And now you guys. It’s easier than saying “a good Unversed” or “a bad Unversed” over and over. If he’s making Versed because he _needs_ to, usually it means that he’s feeling something so strongly that it’s leaking off him. When he’s happy like that, he shapes the excess and gives some of what’s still inside him up. Sometimes he just has to get rid of a little bit of a happy feeling.”

Roxas frowned at that. What Ven had said at first made sense. A positive emotion that Vanitas had so much of that he couldn’t contain it, that was a nice thought. With all of the awful things he was coming to realize lurked in Vanitas’s past, it really did feel good to know that when he was overflowing, sometimes it was with good, happy feelings. But Roxas couldn’t figure it out, why Vanitas would feel the need to empty himself of some of those feelings. “Why would he do that? If it’s a good feeling, shouldn’t he hold on to it?”

“Right? You’d think that, but that’s assuming Vanitas is a totally normal person. He’s not even close. Have you ever felt so happy that you couldn’t think about anything but how happy you are?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Roxas thought he could understand that. Spending time with Axel and Xion, with Hayner, Pence, and Olette, he’d been so happy that all of the terrible things had seemed to fade away. Was that what Ven meant? Even so, he couldn’t comprehend wanting or needing to give that up. “But I don’t…”

“Sometimes he gets overwhelmed. He acts kind of stupid, actually. It can be… unnerving. Really unnerving. He’s too excited to really understand what’s going on around him, it seems like. Like his mind's going too fast. When he comes down from that, Vanitas gets nervous. Even though they’re nice, good emotions, it does mean he’s not in control of his feelings. So pushing them out, he does have to do it a little. And it’s not all bad that he gives up those feelings! The best thing about when he makes things from nice feelings is… Well, Roxas, I think maybe you noticed it. Oh, wait…” Suddenly, Ven looked apprehensive, or even a little disappointed. “Maybe I’m the only one who can feel it? Since me and Vanitas are, well, me and Vanitas. Roxas, when Vanitas made that pot, the pink one. Did the smoke make you feel, uh… good?”

“It did,” Roxas said immediately, and Ven’s tense shoulders relaxed. What that meant, Roxas wasn’t sure. Xion was tapping her feet a little, and he knew she was thinking about that too. “It made me feel really warm, and it was sort of heavy, and it smelled sweet. It was a really nice feeling, it made me feel like my stomach was… I don’t know. I don’t know how to describe it, my stomach felt all light and fluttery.”

A beaming grin was starting to spread across Ven’s face. His answer had made the other boy incredibly happy, and even though he wasn’t entirely sure why it had done so, that felt pretty nice. “Really? Jeez… I guess I’m glad, honestly. If it’s such a strong feeling that you guys are going to be able to feel it, that’s really… even if it’s a little embarrassing, knowing that’s…” Ven’s cheeks were reddening, but it seemed to be more out of excitement and genuine joy than actual embarrassment. Certainly there was a hint of that there too, but more than anything Ven just seemed delighted. Giddy, even. Roxas wondered what emotion it was that had created that Versed. Even if he couldn’t grasp the details of it, that creature really was just for Ven.

“Ven, that Versed, what feeling makes it? What does Vanitas make that out of?” Xion didn’t know. She’d seen it at least once, the night that Ven had fallen asleep. But she hadn’t felt and smelled that smoke, hadn’t been embraced by it. Despite the warmth and weight of it, it really had made him feel light, full of a feeling that made his heart pound and soar. Not knowing what it was, Roxas had still found it incredible.

Ven laughed, looking down at his hands and twiddling his thumbs. There was a little more embarrassment in that flush now, but it wasn’t enough to overpower his happiness. The emotion that created that pot was something Vanitas felt for Ven, and the fact that it had been strong enough for even Roxas to feel… that was what was making Ven so happy. “It really is kind of embarrassing! I think Terra and Aqua would be really shocked. There’s no way they’d think Vanitas could feel something li-”

Ven’s words cut off suddenly, and his gaze snapped back into the cave. He was looking at something, seeing something, but Roxas had no idea what. All he could see was a smooth rock wall. Before he could ask, before Xion could ask, Ven was starting to fade from sight.

Just as suddenly, he popped back into view.

“Sorry! I have to just he’s going to wake u- sorry bye!” Ven said it so quickly that the words almost ran together, and then he was completely gone. As Roxas stared at the space where Ven had been, Xion jumped to her feet as if she was going to head out of the cave. Automatically, Roxas snagged her hand.

“Roxas, what? Shouldn’t we go over there?”

“No,” Roxas said immediately. Ven had wanted to be alone with Vanitas. Vanitas had wanted to be alone with Ven. “We should leave them be for a little while. They really, really missed each other. I think we should just stay here, so that they can just…”

“Spend some time together.” As he nodded, Xion sat again. It was okay to release her fingers, so Roxas did so. What Ven had been looking at hadn’t been the cave wall. What he’d turned in the direction of was what was across the island, the room there and more importantly its inhabitant. There was some kind of intangible but powerful link between them, there had to be. Vanitas had known when Ven was distressed. Ven had known that Vanitas was about to wake. “You’re right. They were apart for a really long time, weren’t they… Sorry, I should have thought of that.”

“No, I wouldn’t have either. It’s just that, before, Ven asked me to leave. Even though Vanitas was asleep, he wanted some time to be alone with him again. I can’t even imagine it.”

“Thinking about it makes me feel awful,” Xion admitted, lacing her fingers together in her lap. That almost felt like an understatement. If she meant thinking about how they’d been separated, Roxas agreed completely. “You only slept for a few days, and even then Axel and I could go see you every day. Even if you didn’t wake up and it was scary, we knew you were somewhere safe. Ven and Vanitas couldn’t see each other at all, and I don’t think they even knew where the other was. It just feels so terrible and… sad.”

“I really can’t imagine it.” He was repeating himself, but Roxas didn’t really care. It was the truth. He knew exactly what Xion meant, and maybe he even knew more. Having seen Vanitas’s response to Ven’s tears, having seen the softness in Ven’s gaze as he looked at Vanitas’s sleeping face, it had said more than words ever could. “Ven cares about him so much. And, he told me that, it was awful Xion. He told me that Vanitas was awake almost the whole time Ven was gone. Ven was asleep inside me, but Vanitas was awake all alone.”

The way Xion frowned made her look like she was trying to hold back tears. No, it wasn’t like that. It _was_ that. Really, he felt the same way. Vanitas was an unpleasant person to be around, but it really was because he’d been suffering. Just thinking about it made his chest feel tight, made his fingers feel cold.

It was almost as if he and Xion both could catch them, the echoes of that pain.

“We shouldn’t go looking for them,” Xion whispered, and Roxas did nothing but nod. They wouldn’t go see. At least for a little, Ven and Vanitas would be able to look at and think of nothing but each other. A year they couldn’t get back… but a year that had ended. Being able to see someone they cared about, to be close to one another, to be able to find joy in being together… Roxas was happy to give them that moment.

“Yeah.”

“So… tell me about it. What about the ghost train?”

For a second, Roxas had no idea what she was talking about. But then he laughed, thinking back to the conversation they’d been having. The ghost train. That one had definitely been real, hadn’t it?

“I have no idea. It was real, it really was! That one wasn’t something messed up in the system, I just know it.” He had plenty of stories, Roxas thought. Even though it had been a single week, so much had happened during it.

That single week, his first and last summer vacation. He’d tell Xion all about it, everything wonderful that had happened. For a little longer, he could hold onto the bad and share only the good. They’d give Ven and Vanitas their moment, and take a moment for themselves.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I know I normally post on Sunday-Wednesday-Friday but D23 hit and a really nasty boy showed up and I'm pumped as hell so I'm posting a chapter today AND tomorrow. Then I'll go back to the schedule. In before he takes his shiny-ass helmet off and reveals himself to be ikemen with the new model and probably Norted.
> 
> As always, thanks to everyone for your comments!

“… and apparently they’re storing it in the secret place.” In the process of catching Xion up, he’d inevitably reached the conversations he’d had with Ven. The words had Xion laughing, which told Roxas that it was the same for her – knowing the name, without knowing why. “You know where I mean, right?”

“The cave by the waterfall. They called it that, the secret place. Isn’t it confusing? We have these little snippets, things we know that we shouldn’t. Do you think Sora will mind it? If we share some of those things still.”

“Well,” Roxas started slowly, his forehead creasing as he slid one foot into his discarded boot, “I don’t know. We’ve got these pieces of him that are just a part of us. Even if we’re different now, those pieces are still in us. I hate that Vanitas made me think about this complicated stuff.”

Xion giggled at that, holding a hand to her mouth. He wondered if that made any sense to her, or if it was just as confusing to her as Vanitas’s words had been to him. Worse, it had been something Vanitas hadn’t even said to his face. Of course it was hard to wrap his head around. Parts of him were parts of Sora. Parts of Xion were parts of Sora. The pieces of him that had been Sora’s, they would link them in a way that couldn’t be undone. Sora was him, and he was Sora.

What did _that_ mean?

“It’s kind of hard to think about, isn’t it? Since there’s really not an answer.” Maybe that was an understatement. What answer could there possibly be? Being a Nobody that belonged to Sora, but having a heart that belonged to him. What was he? Roxas really did detest it, the fact that Vanitas had confidently informed them that they had hearts of their own. If he hadn’t confirmed it in such an absolute way, Roxas thought he could have warded off the thoughts he had now with lingering doubt of his own heart’s existence. But his heart was there, and things were so, so complicated. Whether the confirmation of his own heart was reassuring or not, Roxas wasn’t sure. Now that Vanitas was awake, maybe he could complain to the other boy. “Well… We’re both part of Sora too, after all.”

Roxas didn’t much want to think about that.

“Hey, do you wanna head down to the water?” Staying in the cave was just that, sitting in a cave. Roxas didn’t think it really mattered _where_ they were, so long as they were together. But the beach was stretching out before them right outside that cave. It seemed a shame to let them go to waste, those clear blue skies.

“Do you think Ven and Vanitas are still in their room?”

“Definitely,” Roxas said immediately, because it was the truth. If nothing else, it would be that Vanitas was loathe to leave his haven behind. While he wasn’t sure exactly what the pair was doing – talking, was the only thing he could think of – he _was_ sure that they’d take their time doing it. “I don’t wanna go up there, but I think… you know.”

“The paopu tree.”

“Yeah.” For some reason, it just felt like the right place to be. The sun would set soon, and so the place they should be was truly… Roxas laced his boots up again, stretching his hands up over his head as he stood. There was just something about it, watching the sun set from that place. Sora’s memories, maybe, but Roxas didn’t really care if that was the reason. The reason didn’t matter, Roxas thought. All that was really important was the feeling. As they crossed that pale sand, that was what Roxas thought about. The feeling of being in an important place with an important person.

“Do you think Axel is worried about us? Oh… well, worried about you, I guess.” Roxas winced, two reminders of things he hadn’t wanted to think about. No one outside remembered Xion, not even Axel. And Axel was somewhere far away from them. He believed that Axel _was_ still out there somewhere, because the other option was simply too cruel. Was the world that cruel? Roxas wasn’t sure he could accept that. Here, in Sora’s heart, he simply believed that things would be okay. Maybe it was a kind of magic that lived inside of Sora, alongside them.

“He was before,” Roxas replied finally, holding the door to the cove open for Xion to step through. The sky was starting to turn orange, a familiar twilight. Both of them knew it, why the sun set red.

He wondered what Ven and Vanitas had said to her that night, that had left her to sleep with a smile on her face.

“I’m sure he still is. I hope that… someday soon, Sora will find him. I don’t want Axel to be all alone.” Xion’s hand was warm in his. Was it wrong to rely on Sora so much? They were the same. He and Xion were both part of Sora, pieces that were their selves that belonged where they now lived. Relying on Sora was relying on himself. Everything that he was could be Sora’s, Roxas thought. That was probably okay.

“I’m sure Sora will find him. _Someone’s_ gotta take care of Axel if we’re not around, right? He’s hopeless.” Roxas looked up at that soft orange sky, feeling his lips turn up in a smile. As awful as the scene he’d watched had been, Roxas knew something. That day, the actions that Sora had taken, the actions that Axel had taken… their hearts had touched. Those connections couldn’t be severed. “And he’s kind of hard to miss. You know, for an Organization member he _is_ pretty conspicuous. I think it’d be harder for Sora to _not_ find him, really. Or maybe he’ll just find Sora.”

“He tracked us down, didn’t he? I’m sure Axel will find his way back right away. Maybe he’s already heading out, right now!” When he glanced at Xion, it was to see a beaming grin that matched his own. She could see it too, he was sure. In her mind’s eye, Axel was embarking on yet another journey. “He did say he would always be there to bring us back. It might be a while, but I think Axel will manage it one of these days. Well, at the very least he’s doing his best, I’m sure of that.”

“That’s harsh, Xion. Have a little faith in him! Then again, he…” Roxas snorted, covering his mouth with his free hand. “He might have his work cut out for him, you know? I mean, Sora’s just as bad as we were about getting into danger. Maybe worse! Axel’s going to have to work really hard soon, I think.”

“Who’s the one who needs to have faith in him, huh? You called him hopeless, not me.” Xion tugged at his hand, her smile turning mischievous. It probably wouldn’t be that long before Axel had joined that group, the group of people who chased after Sora to keep him safe. In a way, he’d already been a part of it long before he’d ever seen Sora’s face. “Axel’s going to be just fine, I think.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” That was definitely the truth. Axel would be fine, and they’d see him again. There was no way it wasn’t the truth. It was reassuring, really. No matter what, somehow Roxas felt it had to be the truth. Things would work out.

From somewhere above them, Roxas heard the sound of strangled giggling. Pausing on the bridge, both he and Xion looked up towards the tree. Another peal of laughter escaped from it, louder this time. Ven.

“Vanitas, no!”

The laughter that followed those words belonged to Vanitas – it was lower, both in pitch and volume. Roxas glanced at Xion, finding her expression terse and confused. The sound of Ven’s laughter was so weirdly nostalgic, the sound of his own voice raised in happiness. He wondered if it was the same for her, to hear his voice coming from lips that looked just like but weren’t his. His voice. In reality it was him that had Ven’s voice, but it didn’t bother him as much as it had initially.

“That’s, quit it! No, Vanitas _stop_ , it tickles!” Roxas couldn’t make out what Vanitas said in response to that, and so he could only stare up at the room again. The idea that Vanitas was genuinely and intentionally tickling Ven seemed so absurd that he wanted to sneak up the ramp and peek in. Surely that wasn’t what was happening, because it simply _couldn’t_ be happening. But Ven’s frantic laughter and the words he’d shouted out left no real room to question. Whether it was something so blatant as Vanitas tickling Ven or not, whatever else he could be doing was having the same effect. “Vanitas! Knock it off!”

There was an abrupt crashing noise that seemed to punctuate that exclamation.

“ _Ventus!_ ”

“I _said_ it tickled!”

“Oh sure, so you kick me into the stupid chest!”

“Well I didn’t do it on purpose, but it serves you right!”

That was that, then.

Or so he’d thought, because another crash followed the first. Then Ven was yelling in frustration, not actually saying anything at all. The puddle that he knew was Vanitas appeared, dropping down the trunk of the tree.

It sped across the beach towards the ocean, and as he and Xion watched it was to see Vanitas burst from it in a spray of water. He hadn’t done much to dress himself, wearing nothing but his pants and that strangely-patterned undershirt. Barefoot, Vanitas stepped onto the wet sand.

Roxas didn’t have the slightest clue what had just happened or why Vanitas had chosen to leave the room. Ven groaned in annoyance from up in the tree, and he popped into existence on the shore before taking a heavy handful of wet sand and flinging it unceremoniously at Vanitas. Before it could slap against his chest Vanitas seemed to contract, and he vanished into another puddle of darkness.

“No fair!” Ven shouted, even as the splotch circled beneath his feet. A hand emerged from that shadow and latched around Ven’s ankle, yanking hard and sending him face-first into the sand.

Vanitas’s form puddled back out of the ground, and he threw Ven over his shoulder like he weighed absolutely nothing before hauling him toward the ocean. Roxas realized what Vanitas would do seconds before he did so, giving him no time to even react to it. Ven was yelling the whole way, but it didn’t seem like an actual fight… maybe.

Screaming at the top of his lungs Ven disappeared into the sea spray, and Vanitas threw his head back, planted his hands on his hips, and laughed.

Roxas turned his head to give Xion a lost look. Did they like each other or hate each other? For such a long moment he’d thought it had been “like”, but now Ven was back on his feet and barreling out of the water as if he was trying to knock Vanitas onto his back. That was a failure, because Vanitas completely disappeared in that moment, only to flicker back into sight further back on the beach. All of Ven’s momentum was wasted, and for a split second it looked as if he’d tumble over entirely. Then he too vanished, but before Ven could reappear Vanitas had flashed to another spot closer to the dock. Despite his furrowed brow, he was smirking like he was enjoying Ven’s irritation.

He probably was, Roxas thought. Ven was back now, quickly realizing that Vanitas was no longer where he was expected to be. Though because of the direction he was facing Roxas couldn’t tell what kind of expression Ven was making, the way his shoulders squared made it clear that he was annoyed.

“Get _back-_ ” Before Ven could get the rest of his sentence out Vanitas was standing right in front of him, so close that Roxas thought it had to have been unsettling. If it was him in Ven’s place, he knew he would have jumped and maybe even fallen back. Ven, however, was immediately jumping _forward_ with one hand outstretched, successfully snagging Vanitas’s wrist to trap him. Vanitas’s eyes widened, but his reaction seemed almost automatic and Ven was sailing over his shoulders from that upward toss.

Because Ven didn’t let go, all it resulted in was Vanitas flat on his back with Ven pinned beneath him, his arm still caught in Ven’s grip.

“Okay,” Roxas sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t get a headache here, but somehow the gesture was just ingrained in him now as a response to something he didn’t understand. That was the end of it, the pair of them in a jumble of limbs on the beach. “That wa-”

“Roxas, look!” Xion’s harsh whisper challenged that assumption.

It was not the end of it, to Roxas’s dismay. As he opened his eyes again it was to see Ven hurling Vanitas off and climbing on top of him. This time it was Vanitas who reached out, sitting up and catching Ven’s raised fist before he could truly swing it down. Realizing it had fallen open, Roxas closed his mouth again as Vanitas shoved Ven down. He had no idea how this fight would end. It had to be a fight now, with the two of them rolling together in the sand in a flurry of punches, some landing, some missing entirely. Neither of them were teleporting away, as if fleeing was unacceptable.

Ven’s hand latched onto the back of Vanitas’s head, slamming his face into the sand. Roxas winced at the sight – Ven was more brutal than he’d thought. If physical pain had been something that existed in Sora’s heart, having sand in his eyes would have surely been agonizing for Vanitas. Even without that pain, Vanitas was genuinely flailing for purchase now. He would lose. With his vision impeded, Vanitas couldn’t win against an opponent he’d been equally matched with seconds before. Vanitas had to know it too, that the battle was over. Ven’s expression turned puzzled, before growing almost maliciously satisfied. Without a word he freed Vanitas from his weight and got to his feet, brushing the sand off his body. Vanitas pushed himself up off the ground, spitting out a mouthful of the stuff. He’d communicated his surrender somehow, Roxas thought. He wished he knew how.

“That’s what you get,” Ven remarked, clearly pleased with the results of the fight. Scowling, Vanitas stood before leaning over and spitting again. It had to feel and taste disgusting, even if there was no pain. He was blinking rapidly, and without saying anything he vanished. A split second later there was a splash, and Roxas turned his head to see Vanitas standing in the pool beneath the waterfall, cupping his hands and rinsing his face in that cool water. Grinning smugly, Ven called over to him with a taunt that really seemed to be rubbing salt in the wound of that defeat. “A whole year and you still can’t beat me, huh?”

From within that spray, Roxas couldn’t hear Vanitas’s reply. Ven did, and his expression turned even more gleeful.

“You already know I can win without fighting dirty. And don’t pretend! I know you’re impressed.”

“I am,” Vanitas shouted back, emerging from beneath that spray enough that his voice could be clearly heard. “Don’t think I’m not. Of course I’m impressed, that’s how you _should_ fight.”

“Well it doesn’t help _you_.” Ven rolled his eyes, planting his hands on his hips. “I’ve beaten you enough times fair and square. Besides, it’s more fun to fight dirty when we’re just messing around, right?”

 _That_ was messing around?

“True enough.”

“Wow,” Xion said faintly, clearly just as baffled as he was. For whatever reason, Vanitas didn’t seem truly angry or bitter. He’d only been annoyed by the sand, Roxas thought. It seemed he had grown accustomed to losing, or something like that. The scale of the actual battle he’d lost against Ven had been much more extreme.

Vanitas rolled one shoulder as he climbed out of the pool, as if loosening a muscle that couldn’t actually be tense or stiff. At least, Roxas didn’t think it could be. He wasn’t sure if he’d done anything himself that would have resulted in something like that. Maybe mild discomfort was allowed, based on Vanitas’s reaction to a faceful of sand. He was dripping wet, his hair plastered to his cheeks, his pants clinging to his legs and giving away the fact that they were just as well-muscled as his bare arms.

“Hey, you wanna eat?” Now that the event had ended, both of them seemed somewhat cheery. When he pulled his gaze from Vanitas it was to see Ven making his way up the dock, his grin less smug and more genuine. He slipped his hands into his pockets, stepping so lightly that he was almost skipping.

“What, worked up an appetite beating me up?”

“Sure did.”

“What do you want?”

“Hmm… Catch me a fish.”

“We have a cave full of food and you want a fish?” Despite his irritated reply, Vanitas was already holding a hand out. Unlike the other times Roxas had seen that energy gather, he couldn’t actually feel it. Either they were too far away, or it was a significantly weaker force than before. A bird was taking shape, circling around Vanitas. Black, with red markings on its wings and chest. What he now thought of as the Unversed emblem was on its chest and outlined in white, but black itself. Roxas wondered why it didn’t land, before realizing it had no legs. “Fine, I live to serve.”

“No you don’t,” Ven said tersely, and Vanitas merely shrugged. Vanitas hadn’t lowered his hand, and more of those birds were forming around him. Once two more had joined the first, he seemed satisfied. “Why are you making so many?”

“We’re not _alone_ anymore Ventus, you said it yourself. If I’m catching fish, I’m catching fish. Find something else to pair it with.”

“Oh yeah! You’re right, Roxas and Xion. We should…” Ven, finally recalling their existence, glanced over toward the door to the cove and immediately spotted them standing there on the bridge. “Oh.”

“Oh,” Vanitas said sarcastically, before glancing over himself. “Oh.”

“Hi,” Xion said finally, raising her hand in a weak wave. “Um…”

“Hey,” Ven replied, looking incredibly embarrassed. His cheeks were turning amazingly red, amazingly quickly. “How, how long have…”

“Since Vanitas left.” Ven put his face in his hands. Now he looked mortified, though Roxas wasn’t sure how he could tell. All he knew was that Ven had been hoping they’d only recently arrived. Even though they would have had to pass the pair and their squabble to reach the bridge, Ven had been hoping for that.

Vanitas shrugged again, not red in the slightest. His response to realizing his loss had been observed was nonchalant, enough so that Roxas found himself impressed against his will. It was a cool way to react to it, he had to admit. Sometimes Vanitas really was cool, and Roxas didn’t like that one bit. It made him feel a little strange inside.

Finally, Ven was speaking again. It seemed like he didn’t want to explain what had happened in the slightest, and so he was dodging the topic entirely. That was probably for the best, because it would certainly be more confusing if he tried to do so. “Roxas, Xion, we’re making food. Wait, I guess you know that… Do you guys want to eat? I hope fish is okay, Vanitas is getting some.”

“S… sure,” Roxas managed, knowing his reply was weak. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Xion nod. “That sounds, that’s fine.”

“Okay, great. Fish, so… Vanitas, do we still have rice? I haven’t gone in and checked, it didn’t seem really important.”

“I didn’t eat any, so yes.” Vanitas really didn’t care in the slightest. He raised a hand up beside his head, and then waved it forward. It had been a signal to the tiny flock he’d created, and all three Unversed took off toward the water. Xion, to his surprise, jumped down from the bridge onto the beach below. Their idea of sitting on the paopu tree was clearly being abandoned, or she’d forgotten it entirely. “You get it, I cook it. Go on, Ventus.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know the routine.” Ven, looking only mildly irritated, quickly vanished into the secret place. Not knowing what else to do, Roxas dropped down from the bridge as well and trailed after Xion. He knew he looked lost, but he _was_ lost. Vanitas was starting to make something else, tossing a ball of energy into the air. It took shape slowly, as if the emotion he was using was something he had to reach deep for. A pot, but not the one he made for Ven. This one was red, with a gleeful face and a black symbol. He’d seen it earlier, once.

This was an Unversed, and that was why Vanitas had struggled slightly for it. Whatever negative emotion created it, Vanitas wasn’t feeling. As soon as it was solid, Vanitas took hold of it and tucked it under his arm to pull its lid off. He tossed that aside carelessly, but rather than clattering to the ground it simply hovered, spinning, in the air. The energy he’d been wreathed in while creating it seemed to have somehow dried his body off almost completely, and Roxas could only frown at that.

“Go,” Vanitas said to it, but Roxas had no idea what he was telling it to go do. When he let go of the creature again, it bobbed toward the waterfall. As Roxas watched, it tilted its round body to fill itself with some of the clear, fresh water spilling down into that pool. Once it returned to Vanitas’s side, he snatched the lid up and set it back in place.

Ven was emerging from the cave again, carrying a sack that seemed to be a little more than half full. Rather than setting it down directly by the waterfall, he instead continued walking until he could put it on the dock instead. One of the birds was back, a huge fish trapped in its beak. Glancing back at Vanitas, Ven raised his eyebrows.

“Vanitas?” Vanitas frowned, clicking his tongue and looking annoyed with himself. More energy was gathering around him, another emotion being given form. This one was massive, taller than Vanitas, a bottom-heavy, dark blue humanoid form that had round shields attached to both arms. Without any hesitation it offered one of its arms to Vanitas, who pulled the shield from it and threw it toward Ven.

The action reminded him of Axel, an easy disc toss that flew straight to its target. Ven caught it just as easily as Vanitas had thrown it, turning it so that the inside of the shield was facing upward. The bird swooped down as soon as he did so, and when Ven held the shield out it dropped the fish directly onto it. A second bird was returning, and its cargo of two fish landed unceremoniously on top of the first. The fish it had brought weren’t quite as impressively massive, but that was probably for the best. Roxas wasn’t sure how much fish he could possibly eat at once. As soon as they’d completed their jobs, Vanitas absorbed both of the birds again. Not knowing what else to do, Roxas sat down on one of the dock’s stairs. Xion didn’t do the same, resting her elbows on it instead and watching as Ven pulled the shield into his lap.

“Vanitas, knife.”

“Riiiight,” Vanitas drawled, and what he tossed to Ven as he ambled toward the dock was yet another Unversed. It was a tiny green plant with long leaves sprouting from its head, and as soon as the thing landed it started to toddle to Ven. That Unversed was genuinely cute, Roxas thought. It made him wonder if it was an Unversed at all. But no matter how cute it looked, its face was sorrowful. It was an Unversed after all. Ven sat, dangling his legs over the edge of the dock, and held his hand out. He’d asked for a knife, and Vanitas had given him an Unversed. Leaning over, Ven poked its cheek easily. All three of the leaves on its head stiffened immediately, and he plucked one off just as quickly. A fourth fish was being dropped onto the shield, and when the bird had completed its work Vanitas took it back in like the other two. Starting to hum, Ven picked up one of the fish in his other hand, and then paused.

“Vanitas, bowl!”

“Demanding, aren’t you.” The Unversed that Vanitas made at that point was blue, a third kind of pot. Roxas wasn’t sure how many types there could possibly be. At the sight of it, Xion let out a quiet, puzzled noise. She’d mentioned that one before, Roxas thought. It was darting to the waterfall immediately, filling itself with water before heading to Ven’s side. Ven held the fish out to it, and the Unversed tipped over to pour a stream of fresh water out for Ven to rinse it under.

Feeling completely stupid, Roxas finally realized that they were using the creatures to prepare their meal. The shield being a plate had been somewhat obvious, but the rest hadn’t been as intuitive. The red pot was following Vanitas, floating behind him. Likewise, that brute was plodding after. He’d certainly made the pot to cook the rice in, and the second for Ven to use, but Roxas wasn’t certain why the other Unversed was still around. Could Vanitas not dismiss it without making the shield disappear? That was probably it. And, as Roxas watched that, Vanitas was making something else entirely. It looked like a teacup, pale red and with an inquisitive face. The handle was made of that familiar black symbol. He wasn’t completely certain, but Roxas thought that one was probably a Versed.

Though the cup and pot followed Vanitas when he set foot on the dock, the hulking Unversed remained on the path. Vanitas pulled the second shield off, tucking it under his arm before grabbing the bottle. Not saying anything, he simply made his way to the sack of rice that Ven had set down.

The whole event was rather mundane. Vanitas was using his emotions as tools, and Roxas wasn’t certain if he was impressed or disturbed. Having spent so many years on that island, it did make sense that he’d found those kinds of uses for them. Vanitas knelt down next to the bag, picking up the Versed easily. When he pulled the bag open, it became clear that the cup’s use was to scoop out rice.

“I hate that I’m gonna say this,” Xion said quietly, finally breaking the silence, “But it’s really neat how he’s using them like that.”

“You’re right, and I hate it too.” Though their voices had been low, Vanitas had clearly heard them. His resulting smirk was self-satisfied, and it made something pang strangely in Roxas’s chest. But that feeling ended as soon as Vanitas looked away from him. Without a single word, he simply started to dump rice into the pot. The brutish Unversed had sat down, its short, stumpy legs creating a surreal image. Where had Vanitas come up with their forms? Were they even in his control? Ven had said something about Vanitas originally making them without meaning to, so Roxas couldn’t be certain. Maybe he’d ask one day, if he could figure out how to phrase the question.

Vanitas paused after two scoops, eyeing both the bag and the pot. Then, pursing his lips, he quickly added another scoop before absorbing the cup again. The pot spun in place a few times, before shooting off toward the waterfall again to collect more water. Roxas followed it with his eyes, watching as it filled itself again and spat out a stream of cloudy water. Once it had done that, it took in more, started to spin again, dumped out more water, and repeated the process one more time.

“Are you… rinsing the rice?” Xion was a lot less awkward than he was, Roxas thought. She had no qualms with asking a question she might be mocked for. It seemed like that had to be what the pot was doing, but Roxas had no idea why. The Unversed was returning to the dock, freezing in place there for some reason.

“Thought that was obvious,” Vanitas said dully. Ven paused in rinsing his hands off and turned his head to give him an irritated glare. Vanitas didn’t react to that in the slightest. “Do you not know you’re supposed to wash rice?”

“I’ve never cooked,” Xion admitted, rubbing her forearm with her hand. Neither of them had. When it came to eating, the Organization… For the first time, Roxas wondered where they’d gotten all of the food they’d eaten as members. The ice cream had been purchased, of course. The rest, he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t imagine anyone in the group cooking, that was for sure. “We didn’t really do that kind of thing.”

“We didn’t really cook either before we came here. Vanitas, don’t pretend you knew to wash rice before I told you, we even argued about it.” Vanitas shrugged at that, clearly unabashed at being outed. It seemed to just roll off his shoulders, like he was used to it. Roxas got the feeling that this was more the normal Vanitas than the one he’d originally met. The time he’d spent with Ven had made a difference, or perhaps it had even been the fight, or both. Ven was setting down the last fish, and he dumped the second shield’s contents – a lot of bones, mostly – out into the sea. He’d done it quickly, and it looked like fairly neatly as well. “I only knew because rice was one of the easier things to do, so I could help out with it. Me and Terra were on rice duty most of the time, actually. Master Eraqus really… likes, foods like what we’re making right now. It was something we ate a lot.”

Roxas didn’t know if he liked the way Ven had paused there. He thought he knew why he’d done it. Ven didn’t know if his master was alive or not.

“Either way, we had to learn how to do a lot. Luckily we weren’t totally helpless.” Ven held the leaf he was using as a knife up, making it clear what he meant by that. That blade was probably how Vanitas had cut the wood he’d used to make all of the furniture, solving that faint mystery. The idea that Vanitas could have a knife whenever he wanted was a little unnerving. “We did figure it out, but I guess that’s kind of obvious. It took a while to get the hang of how to heat rice though.”

Neither of them had done anything close to making a fire, giving Roxas the thought that they had some other way to cook. He was actually interested in what it could be. The whole process was interesting, Ven and Vanitas easily working together to cook a meal.

“So you just, what? Learned by trial and error?” Xion seemed just as intrigued as him. Ten years was a lot of time to grow skilled at something, but Roxas couldn’t even imagine how to start. Washing rice, cutting the bones from fish, they were things he wouldn’t have thought to do. He wondered what other things Ven and Vanitas had figured out how to make over the years.

“A lot of error,” Ven laughed, and Vanitas snorted at that as well. “But we don’t need to eat, so it didn’t really matter how many times we messed up. Hmm… Vanitas?”

“Not yet,” Vanitas said easily, getting to his feet to walk the short distance to the end of the dock. He sat down next to Ven and picked up the second, empty shield to set it behind him. “Ten minutes minimum, then we start the fish. You forget how long it takes to cook rice or something?”

“Haven’t done it in a year,” Ven replied, kicking his feet a little. That made Vanitas laugh again. “What, why’s that funny?”

“Idiot, I haven’t cooked rice in a year either. I already said I didn’t touch it, did you forget already? How empty’s your head?”

“It’s full enough to beat you still.”

“Not bad. Either way, ten minutes. I’ll cut you some slack, there’s more rice in that pot than normal.” The way they were talking made it seem like the rice was already cooking. Roxas stared at the pot, unsure as to how it was happening. When he glanced back to Vanitas, it was in time to see him taking that rigid leaf from Ven and absorbing both it and the Unversed it had formerly been attached to. “Everything just came back.”

“What do you mean by that?” Roxas was asking before he knew it, without really thinking about it. Vanitas turned just enough to look at him, raising his eyebrows as if he thought it was a stupid question.

“The island. Its contents. All of that came back like it had never been gone. I woke up, and almost all of it was back to normal. Not everything was exactly in the same place, but it all came back.” Vanitas’s gaze slid to Ven, and he paused for a split second. “Some things took longer than others, though.”

“Right…” Even though he hadn’t had a clue, Roxas still found himself feeling awful. If he’d come to understand what had to be done sooner, Ven could have returned sooner. The whole situation, every bit of it, had simply been… awful. Parts of it still were. In that moment, nothing could be done about that. They simply had to make the best of it, what they had here.

What they had here… Roxas didn’t think it was so bad.

“Ventus, you forgot salt.”

“Aw, you’re right. Do you want salt?”

“Of course I want salt, don’t be stupid.”

“Fiiiine, I get it, Vanitas needs salt to maintain his nasty attitude.” Ven handed Vanitas the shield with the sliced fish on it, getting to his feet and heading back to the secret place. Sora would probably be a little annoyed, Roxas thought, but not too much. After all, the cave wasn’t that secret. Still, he had to ask.

“What’s the salt for?” Hopefully it wasn’t a stupid question. He’d never had salt on rice, he didn’t think. And fish was already salty, wasn’t it? There wasn’t any reason to add more, Roxas thought. Vanitas tucked his legs up, turning his body enough to face them. His expression was exasperated.

“You two really are inept. The fish.”

“You put salt on fish? But it just came from the ocean.”

“And? I’m grilling it, give or take.” That netted Vanitas nothing but blank stares. He scowled, waving a hand as if it would reveal the hidden answer. “This kind of fish, one of the simplest things you can do with it is grill it with some salt. I like salt. There are other options, we do have seasonings. Some of them washed up in jars ready to use, some of them came as raw ingredients. They’re sparse. Either way, Ventus didn’t ask for them.”

“You would have used them if he’d asked?”

“Yes. If he wanted them, he would have brought them out and I would have used them. He didn’t, and if all he comes back with is salt then that’s all that’s going on the fish.” When Vanitas absorbed the blue pot that had been hovering in front of him, all of the water that had been inside of it dropped immediately. Luckily, or perhaps it had been something Vanitas had made sure would be the case, it was far enough away from him that the only place it landed was in the sea.

Out of the corner of his eye, Roxas caught sight of Ven emerging from the secret place. He was holding a jar in one hand, and as expected it was filled with salt. It was indeed the only thing Ven had returned with, but he looked a little annoyed.

For a split second, an image overlapped Ven’s. Roxas rubbed his eyes, and when he turned to Xion she looked startled as well. Vanitas hadn’t turned, so he hadn’t seen it. But…

For a split second, he was certain he’d seen Sora.

“Took your time, hmm Ventus?”

“Yeah, because it’s a mess in there.” At those words, Vanitas did turn. His expression was irritated, but only mildly so. The unspoken accusation had been an affront to him. Roxas couldn’t imagine that the mess was his fault, which meant it had to be…

“Don’t pretend you’re a bastion of organization.”

Ven shrugged, holding the jar up. “You can’t blame it on me, it’s way worse than the way I left it.”

“You can’t blame it on _me_ , I went in there all of twice in the past year. And it was that bad the first time I went in. I just assumed it was your handiwork and didn’t feel like cleaning up after you.” Vanitas paused, and Roxas got the feeling that there was something that was going unsaid. From Ven’s expression, he thought so too. He wouldn’t ask, even if it was confusing. If it wasn’t Ven’s mess and it wasn’t Vanitas’s mess, who could be blamed? Not Xion, surely. But they were the only ones present, so certainly it had to be one of them. The only thing Roxas could be completely certain of was that it wasn’t his fault.

“I guess it doesn’t really matter,” Ven said finally, still seeming annoyed. No one was pressing the issue. Roxas vowed to think about it more later, and pushed it out of his mind for the moment. Without saying anything Ven tossed the jar of salt to Vanitas, who caught it with an expression that held a hint of indignation. “Here’s your salt, since it’s so vital for your fish.”

“I worked hard to make that salt,” Vanitas shot back, making a fist around the jar. The words made little sense to Roxas. He’d simply assumed that it had been one of the things that had washed up on shore. Salt. Roxas hadn’t ever really thought of where salt came from, beyond the vague idea of the sea. He didn’t know where anything that made up his favorite ice cream came from. “If you throw it in the ocean, I’m sending you there next.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, toss me in the ocean. That’s something I didn’t miss.”

“Well I didn’t miss having to do it.” Vanitas smacked his open palm against the side of the bottle, dislodging its contents from the sides of the bottle. Somehow it had solidified into clumps, or perhaps that was the way salt actually was. Either way, they’d been stuck to the glass. “Should have started the rice first.”

“You think?” Roxas was getting used to the sarcastic jabs the two took at each other. Maybe that was a bad thing, he wasn’t sure. There were so many things he wasn’t sure of lately. Adding another to the list wasn’t changing much. “It was your idea to do a side dish, you should have known I’d pick rice.”

“You prepped the fish faster than I’d anticipated,” Vanitas replied, a clear defense of himself. Even so, it seemed to have just the slightest tinge of whining to it. Xion, laughing quietly, clearly thought so too. It made Vanitas scowl. “You, stop that.”

That had Ven snickering, and he finally stepped back onto the dock to sit next to Vanitas again. Xion’s expression had turned immediately alarmed, and then a little guilty, and very funny. Despite his attempts to prevent himself from doing it, Roxas snorted. Vanitas’s scowl was growing more pronounced, another thing that he couldn’t help but laugh at.

Sullenly, Vanitas lobbed a ball of energy over their heads and onto the beach. It began to take shape immediately, a stack of cylinders in three colors. Each cylinder had a face, one smiling gleefully, one frowning angrily, and the third appearing to weep. It sat there, rocking faintly. An Unversed. Roxas didn’t like the sight of it. Had their laughter upset Vanitas enough that he needed to vent some of it out? The quick glance he took toward Ven made him feel a little better. Rather than looking sorrowful, he was instead curious.

“It’s been ten minutes?”

The cylinders were scrambling in place, the blue one popping out from the center of the stack to be replaced by the red. Once they’d settled into a new formation, blue on top, red in the center, yellow on the bottom, the entire stack quivered and clattered. It had been subdued before, but now it was active and seemed almost excited. Roxas wondered if the order dictated how the stack acted.

“Close enough,” Vanitas deadpanned, finally uncorking the bottle. The stack separated briefly as it jumped, turning into a clacking mess. It drew Roxas’s attention, and he watched as each cylinder spun independently of the rest. They weren’t settling at all, as if the Unversed was eager to do what it was there for.

Vanitas stood, the makeshift plate of fish held in one hand. The massive Unversed that said plate had come from was getting up as well, stepping from the ledge to the beach with a thump. It plodded over to Vanitas, circling around him on the dock’s steps and trailing a faint, disquieting energy. Without a word, Vanitas handed the shield back to it. As soon as the bulky Unversed made its way over to the stack, it held the shield out in front of it almost like an offering. The middle of the stack spun rapidly, before freezing in place to stare at the shield. At least, it was pointing its face at it. Roxas wasn’t sure if the thing could see or not. The Unversed didn’t appear to be sentient. They followed their creator’s orders, unspoken as they were, except for…

One of them had turned on him, that first night. Roxas didn’t know why, but it had certainly happened. Perhaps it was that Vanitas had made that one unintentionally and hadn’t been in control of it. Sighing, Roxas pulled one knee up to his chest. He didn’t have enough information to figure it out. Maybe he never would. Vanitas’s emotions were nothing like his own, and he barely understood his own in the first place.

Rather than dwelling on that, Roxas simply watched as the stacked Unversed released a jet of flame from its front.

The meal that Ven and Vanitas made was delicious.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, it's time for another chapter. This is something of a "double" chapter, because I'd written two very short Ven chapters that ended up being back-to-back in the full document. Take it as you will! If I notice another short pair I'll definitely do it again. Even being a "double" it's still short, but it has quite a bit of heavy content.
> 
> I'm glad you guys seemed to enjoy the cooking stuff! Expect to see the Unversed being used as common tools more often. I thought the idea was funny in an absurd kind of way, so I made sure to include a lot of it. Thanks for your comments, as always.

Ventus heard the explosion from the other side of the island, echoing outward from the cove where Vanitas spent most of his time. What he would see when he got there would, of course, be the same as always. Nonetheless, Ven got to his feet. He’d wanted to just spend a quiet day, to perhaps finally find a fifth shell. But if he did find it, then Ven would have to truly start figuring out how to do anything with those shells. He’d wanted that uneventful day, but it wouldn’t be what he’d get.

What Ven found in the cove was Vanitas, curled up on his side in a puddle of black tar. He would fall unconscious in time, but for that moment their eyes painfully met. If this would be the rest of his life, Ven wasn’t sure how he would handle it.

This was the seventh time that Vanitas had lost control, and Ven now knew what to expect. He wished he didn’t. He wished it hadn’t been something that had happened even once much less enough times for him to understand its patterns.

“Vani-”

“No.”

Vanitas wouldn’t listen to him at all, no matter what he said to the other boy. Though he was a pile of crumpled limbs, his chest heaving, sweat spilling from him, radiating deep and exhausted pain, Vanitas really did believe that he could simply defeat and contain his own feelings.

What was it that made him burst? Though Ventus thought he understood what happened – if not released in some way, a powerful emotion would break free of its own accord – he had no idea why it did. Vanitas wasn’t like him, wasn’t a normal person. The fact that he’d been able to manifest his emotions as the Unversed in the first place was proof of that.

Vanitas’s feelings weren’t like his, maybe weren’t like anyone else’s. Almost like living beings of their own, they grew in strength and… did what? Somehow, forced their way out in a way unlike an angry outburst or bubbling laughter or shaking sobs.

Negativity. But what did that truly mean? What was escaping Vanitas, a flood of energy that filled his being and battered him with its waves, was something that Ven couldn’t understand. The foul, twisted energy that had been born alongside Vanitas, as if a cosmic byproduct of the rules of nature being violated. That negativity had to be the problem, but Ven just couldn’t figure out it out. What exactly was going wrong inside of Vanitas with such devastating frequency? Without knowing, there was no way for him to possibly do anything.

“You know, I hate this a lot.” Vanitas snorted, his arms shaking as he pushed himself up on them. For someone with that physique, lately he seemed to have such a disturbing amount of trouble simply lifting his body off the ground. It seemed like muscles weren’t worth much if their owner was too exhausted to use them.

Then again, that was the case for more than just physical strength.

“What, you’re telling me you don’t like seeing me like this? Don’t tell me you can’t enjoy the sight of a weaker being in pain.” Vanitas’s voice was hoarse from vomiting, but what he’d emptied out of him was starting to pull together as if it was alive. This, too, was something Ventus was growing to expect. That black energy that wasn’t darkness at all simply returned to Vanitas even after he’d voided himself of it. His emotions as Unversed were the same – they never left for good. Vanitas was looking at him in shock, reading his expression and finding something unexpected there. “You can’t be serious. You were telling the truth? You really _don’t_ enjoy this at all.”

“Of course I don’t! I don’t like seeing anyone suffering, how could I?” The fact that it was unexpected to Vanitas was a heavy weight in his chest. His implication was obvious, though Ven thought it wasn’t as clear-cut as Vanitas seemed to consider it. What Vanitas had all but said was that if their positions had been reversed, Vanitas would have been laughing. Ventus didn’t think that would actually be the case, not anymore. If he’d been suffering, Vanitas wouldn’t have enjoyed it. “Vanitas I know this might be hard for you to grasp, and I think it’s pretty stupid of me, but I actually…”

“Pity me?”

“That’s not what I was going to say, no.”

“Find me pathetic.”

“That’s not it either.” Vanitas was outright staring at him in suspicion, his eyes narrowed and lines deepening between his eyes and on his forehead. Ven got the feeling he was piecing together what it was that he actually wanted to say, but the look on Vanitas’s face didn’t seem to match up with what it should have been. His realization wasn’t a relief, didn’t make him happy.

“No. No, no. No, don’t you dare.” Now Vanitas was scrambling back, another thing Ventus wished he wasn’t so familiar with the sight of. He was like an animal trying to get away from a threat… but, that wasn’t right. Vanitas was a person. But Vanitas was viewing his words, his feelings, as dangerous, unacceptable. “You can’t do that. I-I won’t let you.”

“Are you serious?” Vanitas was so alarmed, so upset by it. Though Ven crouched, it only seemed to make it so that Vanitas wanted to get even further away. This couldn’t be Vanitas’s true nature. It was no one’s true nature. This was something he’d learned, perhaps even been taught or ordered, to avoid. “Vanitas. You… is it because it’s _me?_ Or are you just that afraid to have anyone care about you?”

Vanitas’s helmet was forming around his head again, closing him off, hiding him away. Not answering, Vanitas only backed up further. Though his instinct was to follow, Ven knew it wouldn’t do any good. Vanitas was trying to put distance between them for a stupid, sad reason, but that didn’t make forcing him to do anything right. All he would be doing was cornering Vanitas, invading his space, betraying his…

Well, it wasn’t like Vanitas really trusted him. But it didn’t change much. The idea of following him was unacceptable, even if it was what his heart seemed to want.

Without turning his back on Ventus even once, without speaking a single word, Vanitas disappeared into the shadows of the cave.

“Vanitas, come on…”

The flicker of energy that radiated out of the cave was Ven’s only warning before an Unversed was lumbering out of it. Now it was him scrambling back, not letting his eyes off the Buckle Bruiser that had emerged from the darkness for a second. Was Vanitas so upset over this that he would attack?

“ _Vani-_ ”

The Unversed paid no attention to him, and simply took hold of the boulder to shove in front of the entrance of the cave before dissolving again. That was a fairly unambiguous response, one Ven thought he’d have to accept. Still, he couldn’t not try. Taking a few awkward steps forward, Ven placed his hands on the rock and leaned against it to call into the cave.

“Vanitas. Come out, please?” He hadn’t been expecting a reply, so the fact that he didn’t get one wasn’t a surprise. Despite himself, Ven felt a spark of disappointment grow within him. He wished Vanitas would just talk to him. Ven wished for a lot of things. “Look… I won’t make you. And you don’t have to like me. You don’t… really _have_ to do anything. But you can’t make me not care about you just because it’s scary.”

Vanitas said nothing, silence stretching between them alongside that boulder. Perhaps he had already lost consciousness, but Ven didn't think that was the case. Wishing Vanitas would simply emerge didn’t mean he’d do so. His feelings didn’t really factor in to what Vanitas wanted or believed or did. They were simply his feelings… but the things he felt nonetheless reached Vanitas, and always had.

Ven wondered it, if in that moment they were reaching him. Would it change anything? His heart touching Vanitas’s heart, the strength of his light…

_“I don’t need light!”_

Did Vanitas really believe what he’d said back then?

“You told me you don’t want to be like this. And, I think you really meant it. If that’s true, then… No, just. Vanitas, if you need help you can just ask me to help you.” Knowing Vanitas wouldn’t answer him, Ventus could only close his eyes, take a deep breath, and walk away. Vanitas would sleep, and he would find something to do. That would be fine. Ven could accept that, and he had to.

So why was it that turning his back on Vanitas made him so sad?

 

What was it he’d once heard someone say? The first step to solving a problem was recognizing that there was one. Vanitas, lying once more in the center of a shallow crater of sand, continued to staunchly deny that problem’s existence. He slept there in the circle that his own feelings had caused, curled up in a ball.

Ven didn’t know what else he could do. Sniffling, he simply wiped at his face with his wristband and knelt down beside Vanitas’s unconscious form. Feeling those bursts of energy even from all the way across the island hurt. Seeing Vanitas in a heap on the sand hurt. Hearing him sobbing without realizing how far his shredded voice carried hurt.

Vanitas running away from him hurt.

How could he change any of it?

“Take this stupid thing off,” Ventus mumbled, knowing Vanitas couldn’t hear him. It was wrong to take his mask off, that wasn’t something he should do. Even so, Ven couldn’t help taking hold of it. He didn’t know how it was removed, knew he shouldn’t even try. Squeezing it between his hands, Ven let out a pained sigh that he simply couldn’t keep inside. “What am I _doing?_ ”

Vanitas, of course, said nothing.

That concrete barrier between them, the mask that hid Vanitas’s face, Ven hated it. But if he simply broke it down because he wanted it gone, what kind of person would that have made him? Just taking what he wanted, forcing things to go his way… it was wrong, even if that was the life Vanitas had been living.

Taking whatever he wanted, hurting whoever got in the way, enjoying their pain. Was it the darkness in his heart, or was that just a convenient excuse he was making for Vanitas’s sake? Ven finally let go of the mask entirely, instead simply letting Vanitas’s head rest in his lap helmet and all. The thought that he was beginning to baby Vanitas was starting to form in his mind, sour in his mouth. There had to be a line between coddling him and simply…

Ventus still couldn’t say whether Vanitas actually wanted his help. With him fast asleep, his face shielded by that helmet, he couldn’t even tell what kind of expression was on the other boy’s face. Some things were unforgivable, weren’t they? Knowing that, Ven could only ponder the question of whether Vanitas had reached that point.

Xehanort had done this to them. It was easier to pretend it was all Xehanort’s fault, the root of all of their suffering. Whatever his plan had been, some ultimate goal… The only thing he knew for sure was what Vanitas had wanted. Total annihilation, to destroy a world that had made him hurt.

In his heart, Ven knew that if Vanitas had tried to run he would never have escaped his master’s grasp.

In his heart, Ven knew that Vanitas hadn’t tried.

His actions were his own. He couldn’t duck responsibility for them. Even if he changed, so many of the things Vanitas had done had been of his own accord.

 _“I’_ _d be_ _be going against the master’s orders,”_ he’d said, before trying to end his life. If not for Mickey’s intervention, Ventus knew he would have died that day. Vanitas had tried to kill him, had tried to kill Aqua. How could he possibly consider forgiving him?

_“I don’t want to be like this!”_

“Pick one,” Ven whispered, not knowing if it was directed at Vanitas or himself, not knowing which Vanitas he wanted. A cruel, caustic, violent Vanitas, a monstrous person who he could defeat and feel no guilt or sorrow over, didn’t even have to spare a single thought for… that would have been easier. Pretending he was some caricature of evil would have made it so easy. But that person didn’t exist. What existed in this place was a broken, disgraceful being in so much pain, and what Ventus thought he may never know was if the person he gazed upon was who Vanitas had been beneath that mask of composure all along. The things he felt, caring about the boy that slept before him, were perhaps wrong.

A feeling that was wrong… that in itself felt wrong, but Ven knew it to be true. There were feelings that were wrong, things a person shouldn’t feel. Reveling in the suffering of others, twisting and manipulating them for one’s own gain. Wanting to hurt people, those feelings were wrong. Ventus couldn’t fathom it, enjoying those things. What did he himself feel? What was it, that which was beating within his chest?

Pity.

If he simply pitied Vanitas, he would be doing nothing but absolving him of his foul actions. Viewing him as something helpless with no autonomy of his own, it was easy and it was wrong. He didn’t pity Vanitas, because Vanitas had made his own decisions. Four long years, the years their hearts had grown farther and farther apart. Four years to act. Vanitas may not have been offered a choice, but he had nonetheless had one. An option he could have taken, even though it was…

_“Just… put an end to me.”_

It was too frightening to shoulder that burden alone.

Ventus knew he could have done it himself, could have done it and avoided that battle. Having failed at it himself, could he truly judge Vanitas for not choosing that escape? It was easier to be weak. It had been terrifying, that moment now long past.

If he had gone through with it, would that have made him strong?

 _“If I have to feel like this, I’d rather never_ _have_ _been made!_ _”_ The memory haunted him like so many others, aching in his chest. The way he’d responded to those words gave it away – the way he truly felt. It was too late not to care. Vanitas had felt the same things he had felt. Shaking and pathetic, Ventus curled in on himself. Wanting to stop existing, but too afraid to act on that desire. In that way, he was no different from Vanitas. No different at all.

Not wanting to be alone, the only thing he could do was cling to someone whose feelings he couldn’t understand, who he didn’t know if he was hated by. Vanitas was afraid of his warmth, his concern, the mere idea of affection that Ven didn't think quite existed.

Ven closed his eyes tightly, unable to face his own reflection in Vanitas’s mask.

He was scared of it too, the idea that Vanitas might grow to care for him.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Roxas! No matter how long Vanitas monologues, Roxas is not going to comprehend the whole situation. Now featuring double the foreshadowing and double the confusion! They're doing their best.
> 
> Given that KH3 will likely release in the holiday season of this year, I might increase my rate of posting chapters so that the fic is all on here by the time the game is out. Let me know how you feel about two chapters per upload (rather than like a chapter every day, which feels excessive to me)! And as always, your comments are why I post, so thanks to everyone who's commented.

“Roxas. A word?” Roxas stiffened, turning his head to make eye contact with Vanitas. Both Ven and Xion paused, but he didn’t look to see what kind of expression either of them were making. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to do it, what Vanitas was asking him to do. Stepping away from Ven and Xion, being alone with Vanitas again. The thought was, if only a little bit, scary.

Even so, Roxas got to his feet. After what had happened, he thought he owed Vanitas that much. If things went sour he could run. For some reason, Roxas felt like Vanitas was more aware of himself after what had happened. Maybe it had been the time he’d spent alone with Ven, or maybe he’d scared himself too. Maybe it was both. All Roxas knew was that Vanitas felt different.

Though Vanitas led him away, it wasn’t out of sight. It was more of a relief than he wanted to admit, even to himself. Standing beneath that bridge, Vanitas crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. That simple gesture conveyed two things, and Roxas didn’t know how he felt about them. Nonchalant, with a hint of lurking. It felt very… Vanitas.

“You know what I want to talk about.”

“What happened in the cave.”

“Yes. No. Not entirely accurate. I don’t want to talk about this. I have to, but I don’t have to _like_ it. It needs to be said, so I’m saying it now. Putting it off is a mistake. Avoidance just opens you up to lose the chance to say what you want to say, what you need to say, and there’s no telling if you’ll ever get another one. I understand that now.” Ven had said something just like that, telling them what he thought needed to be said. That made Roxas wonder if there was a reason they both felt that way, if there was something in their distant past that had led them both to believe it so strongly. Missing a chance and not knowing if they’d get another… had that been something that had happened to them? Vanitas was scowling now, his fingers digging into his bare arms. It didn’t look like it would have been enough to hurt, even if they hadn’t been in Sora’s heart. Just an expression of irritation. “What I did was… ugh, what I’d give for… Never mind. I’m sorry.”

Roxas felt his lips part as he narrowed his eyes in confusion. At the sight of it, Vanitas’s cheek twitched slightly, and he tossed a ball of energy to the side. It took form almost immediately, a bright yellow pot that crackled with electricity. At the edge of his vision, Roxas saw the slightest hint of motion – Ven, or Xion, or both, reacting to the Unversed. That was an Unversed, Vanitas venting out a scoop of the emotion that was clouding his mind.

“You… why are you saying that?” The pot was bouncing over in jerking motions, circling Vanitas erratically. He pushed it away with one hand, sending it spinning out across the beach. Whatever feeling it embodied, it wanted to cling to its creator. “You don’t have to apologize again.”

Vanitas stopped at that, making no attempt to prevent the Unversed from ramming into his chest. Once it had done so, he shoved it down. Roxas hoped Ven and Xion couldn’t hear them. He felt stupid. Vanitas’s shoulders were tense. Even though it was bothering him, Vanitas made no attempt to take the Unversed back into himself. Instead, he was making something else entirely.

An hourglass, it looked like. The face within it, nestled in the sand, looked sorrowful. Whatever it meant, just taking the sight of it in made him feel unsure. It wasn’t that entirely, it wasn’t simply a feeling of uncertainty. It was… something else, something that fixated around his own sense of being. Some kind of feeling that Roxas could catch the edges of, but not glimpse in full. But Vanitas was calmer now, collected, cool. His fingers had relaxed their grip on his arms.

“It doesn’t matter.” Vanitas made no indication as to what “it” was. The fact that he’d already apologized, or the feeling that he’d pushed out. His face seemed somehow leaner, as if he was sucking his cheeks in slightly. “I am very strong. That’s not my ego, it’s the truth.”

What did that mean? It wasn’t a lie, but Roxas wasn’t sure why Vanitas was saying it. There was something else he meant by it, a message that he hadn’t managed to decipher. What was Vanitas actually saying?

After a few seconds, Roxas knew he had to say something.

“… right, but why are-”

“You’re much harder to talk to than Ventus,” Vanitas muttered, scratching the back of his head with one hand before setting it back down on his bicep. Somehow, the honesty was a little refreshing. Vanitas was cryptic, Ven was cryptic, they both said things that only made sense to each other. For once, Vanitas was being straightforward. “We’ve only been around each other for years. There are things we understand without speaking. You can’t read me the way he can. Ventus told you why I do this, I know he did. He’s stupid but well-meaning, so he definitely told you about my Unversed. And I’m sure he gave away that both of our hearts aren’t exactly in top shape.”

“He did,” Roxas said carefully, glancing over at Ven. He was talking to Xion, almost pointedly not watching them. Or maybe it wasn’t intentional, maybe Ven really was just having a conversation with Xion with no other goal. Roxas couldn’t really tell. “Vanitas, I don’t get what you’re saying to me.”

“Give me a moment.” Vanitas’s eyebrows drew together, and the hourglass he’d created flipped over. The sand trickling through it buried the now-smiling face. Almost imperceptibly, Vanitas shook his head once, and then re-absorbed the pot Unversed. He didn’t need to siphon the feeling out anymore, it seemed. “I’m strong. I have power, energy. You understand that my energy is dangerous if it’s not channeled safely now, right? Before wasn’t safe. I was rattled, I won’t deny that. I failed to do what I should have, and because of that I wrecked the place and almost knocked you unconscious. That’s on me, I lost my awareness of our circumstances. In here, my emotions are not filtered by my body. I have no body, and so all of the things I feel reach your heart, Ventus’s heart, Xion’s heart, without being dampened. They leave my form at full strength. If I’m not in control of them-”

The hourglass flipped again. Vanitas ignored it.

“Things like earlier will happen.” Vanitas’s shoulders were raised once more, but his expression was calm. How long had he fought with his emotions all alone? The fact that he was still standing there, that he could shrug and push it away, had Roxas in awe. It was terrible, but it told him how strong Vanitas was. For some reason, his cheeks seemed to be moving even though his lips weren’t. That stopped as soon as he began to speak again. “I was expecting you to ask. I forgot the damaged state of my own heart and overestimated myself. I won’t do so again.”

“… right. Look, Vanitas.” Roxas took a deep breath. He’d already said it, but he, like Vanitas, felt that it hadn’t been good enough. “I should be the one apologizing, really. It wasn’t like I didn’t realize you were upset, but I kept pushing. I was being selfish and stupid and thoughtless.”

“Ventus and I have been unclear. It’s natural that you’re curious, and that you don’t understand. We’ve grown used to one another, have things we don’t need to say aloud. Our link is something that you can’t see or feel or even sense. Maybe you can see its influence, but it’s something that’s beyond you and everyone else in this place and in this universe. Even the bond between a Nobody and the being that gave it life… probably, even that can’t hope to compare.”

“Vanitas, can I ask you something?”

“You just did. Don’t waste my time.” Vanitas paused, before laughing. With that, his features had finally relaxed again. “I told her that the other day too. You two are alike. Is that your link to Sora, or do all Nobodies share those traits? I bet you don’t know either.”

“I do,” he shot back, and that made Vanitas smile a genuine but slightly uncanny smile. There was something about his mouth, Roxas thought. The corners of his lips. Though he couldn’t say what it was about them, they seemed so strange. Almost pinched. “It’s not everyone. You know, you remind me of someone when you say that.”

“Do I? I have to assume you mean a fellow Nobody. Is that right?” Vanitas really was smart. He pieced things together quickly, far more quickly than he did. That made his stomach feel heavy, almost twisted. Vanitas was much, much smarter than him. Maybe he was even smarter than Axel. Roxas didn’t like that thought.

“Yeah, his name was Saïx. I don’t know if he’s still around. I really do think Sora defeated him, but I’m not positive… He was part of the Organization. I guess you probably figured out I meant one of them already.”

“Very astute.” Roxas wasn’t sure if it was a real compliment or not, but he thought it was the former. He decided not to ask or comment on it. That seemed easier. “He was impatient, then.”

“Uh… you could put it that way, I guess. I meant… he was sort of dismissive, of questions he thought were stupid.” He thought he’d hold on to the fact that Saïx had been dismissive of Xion’s entire existence, and that he’d fought and defeated him in order to truly defect.

Vanitas’s smile, somehow, seemed stronger at that. He didn’t seem upset by it, nor did he seem particularly impacted when he drew the hourglass Unversed back into himself. In fact, he was chuckling. “That’s a fair assessment of me, I have no problem admitting that. Ventus would surely agree, I’ve brushed him off enough times. He’s tenacious, though. It’s not easy to get rid of him, I’ve tried.”

“You don’t want to try anymore, though. I do know that much. You don’t want to push him away.” Vanitas nodded, seemingly automatically. Then the smile vanished, his expression turning blank with only the faintest hint of alarm. The reason behind that expression was something Roxas couldn’t decipher. This, it seemed, was something Vanitas hadn’t wanted to admit to. Why?

“It’s not wrong,” Vanitas said slowly, a hint of reluctance in his tone. He really didn’t want to say it, but Roxas didn’t have the slightest idea why. Pushing Ven away. Maybe rather than not wanting to admit, he didn’t want to remember. Because ever so faintly, there was something that looked like guilt in Vanitas’s eyes. The hollowed-out appearance of his face was back. “N… never mind that. Your question, what is it?”

“Ques- oh. Back then, before… any of the stuff in here happened. Before you came here. What were you trying to do?” Ven had told him, but he really did want to hear it – what Vanitas would say himself. Had Vanitas done nothing but follow orders, or had he been emotionally invested? Had he felt anything at all, or vented it out into the Unversed?

Vanitas said nothing for a long moment, clearly thinking about the question. All he could do was hope for an honest answer, but at the same time Roxas thought he wouldn’t like what Vanitas had to say. Ven… Ven was right, he was sure. Ven was right to have called the Vanitas from those days someone who’d done evil, Ven was right that Vanitas had craved violence and sought war. Finally, Vanitas spoke.

“I was born for a reason. I was made so that I could return to Ventus, to hurt him so that he would fight. I thought it would be fun, to destroy the world. To destroy Ventus. It was liberating to know that I could kill him at any point, or so I thought. I was an idiot. I still am. I failed. But I was born to forge the blade. That Keyblade would end all of that, and so I sought it out. I sought _him_ out, once the time was right.” Vanitas paused, and held one hand out in front of him. What circled it was darkness, a haze, and from it something emerged. An Unversed, blue in color, the size of a large cat. It looked almost like a rat with no tail, and turned red eyes to look at Roxas. There was no mark on it anywhere, but Roxas knew it was an Unversed. “And then I began to hurt Ventus as intended, with these. The negativity that formed when we were violated, I could control it. I needed him to be strong. Our purpose was the χ-blade, obtaining it would make things stop. I enjoyed it, mocking and hurting him. Like a fool, I despised his light and didn’t understand how precious it was.”

Roxas wanted to ask, “Make what stop? End what?” but he couldn’t find the words. Vanitas either hadn’t noticed his hesitation or didn’t care. He wasn’t done talking, so Roxas felt there was nothing to do but listen.

“Ventus was weak. He was always weak, he was broken, he couldn’t even speak. He followed behind our master like a lost animal. The way I’d thought about it was… the master broke him, and Ventus let him do it. And then he…” The rest of the sentence went unspoken and unknown. Vanitas’s nostrils flared, and though the breath he took was calm Roxas knew it was an act. Whatever that sentence had been heading toward was not good, and Vanitas had intentionally steered away. He truly wouldn’t allow what had happened in that cave to repeat itself. “It was unbelievably annoying to know that Ventus was my match, that in the end there might be no one else I could join with. I tried to find another, but by that time he was finally strong enough. I was… delighted. Proud. My Unversed had made him strong enough, and I would join with him and become the χ-blade.”

“Ven said he destroyed it.”

“Yes. I claimed his heart – though I had no right to it – to forge it, and they destroyed it and me. Aqua, I’m sure Ventus mentioned her to you. Both of them defeated me, I got cocky.” The Unversed he’d created was moving up his arm to rest on his shoulders, curling around the back of his neck. With one hand, Vanitas stroked its head. “She forced me into a corner while Ventus forced me out of his heart. They were both such useless idiots, and I lost anyway. Funny how that works.”

Roxas didn’t think it was funny. But Vanitas was smiling as he pet the Unversed, not even paying much attention to it. Just thinking back, Roxas figured. Vanitas was happy about how things had gone. Probably, if Vanitas knew that Roxas could tell that he would be annoyed. So he said nothing. Vanitas was happy to have lost. He couldn’t understand it… but, thinking of Sora’s face, maybe he could.

“Almost all of Xehanort’s plans for us were a complete failure. I couldn’t follow through and eliminate Aqua when I had the chance. I couldn’t defeat Ventus after forging the blade. I’d been weak as well all along, at least in the way that mattered. Terra…” The smile vanished. “Terra, probably, was a success. I’m sure the master encroached on Terra’s heart and claimed his body, always have been. Terra’s heart… may not have survived. I can’t tell Ventus that. It’s bad enough that Ventus knows Terra potentially lost the battle and was subdued. I told him that. I didn’t tell him the rest, that there might be no Terra left to fight to regain control. I can’t. It would destroy him.”

It was one of the most horrific things he had ever heard. Xehanort had… wanted to steal Terra’s body from him? Tried to, and maybe succeeded, in destroying his heart? He thought to Ven, how his voice had turned strange and pained. How even Vanitas had been in pain. Vanitas couldn’t speak a word of his fears. He wanted to protect Ven from what he thought was the truth. Vanitas wanted to… protect the light within Ven’s heart, the light that he had called precious.

“Then… you and Ven, are…?” A stupid, vague question. Vanitas didn’t comment on it this time. He didn’t really know what he was asking, so surely neither did Vanitas. Roxas wasn’t sure if he would understand the answer he received. A bond that no one else in any world could share, it was their hearts that had been one. Wasn’t that it?

“I feel many of the things that Ventus feels. Good, bad. We feel good together. We suffer together. It’s changed in nature, but it was something I’d felt from the start. We’re chained together, always were. I hated that, and he hated that. I wanted to smother his heart to forge the blade. He wanted to escape. That chain was used as a weapon, by us and by everyone else. We hurt each other with it. I won’t let it become a weapon again. I won’t let anyone else use it. I won’t let anyone else touch it. And I will let no one. _No one_. Sever those links.”

Vanitas absorbed the Unversed again, with no expression at all on his face.

“If Xehanort is still alive, I will kill him.”

 

That night, though Roxas had hoped it wouldn’t be, his sleep was dreamless.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a fun one! Lots of, hm, reveals. If you're unfamiliar with Union χ, a tiny bit of this chapter might be confusing! Only a bit, and maybe not even that bad. Anyway, this is one of the first "longer" Ven chapters I think, and he's having quite a time...
> 
> Re: the "double chapters", I've decided to only post two chapters in one day if the first one is on the shorter end. Thanks for your input, and as always thank you all for commenting!

“You know you can’t keep doing this.” Though he couldn’t see the other boy’s face behind his mask, Ven got the distinct impression that Vanitas was glaring at him. Being told what to do clearly rankled. How frustrating had it been for him to follow Xehanort’s orders? It seemed Vanitas had been simply buying his time until he could turn on his master.

But Vanitas had been afraid of the man. That was something Ven knew now. There was simply no getting around it. Someone who intentionally hurt him, who was leagues ahead of him in terms of power and skill… of course Vanitas had feared him. A cornered animal, preparing himself to fight back. That wasn’t right. Vanitas had already been fighting back.

_“I lost because I wasn’t strong enough, that’s all.”_

Was that really how Vanitas had thought of it?

“What do you know?” Beginning to come apart at the seams, Vanitas was more caustic than ever. The best Ven could do was leave, to get as far away as possible before he burst. But that felt wrong. There was no way it would be as easy as talking Vanitas down, of course. Something that simple couldn’t be a possible solution, though Ventus was certain no one had ever tried to take his mind off what was happening inside of him. Xehanort’s plan, whatever its ultimate goal had been, had accelerated because of the Unversed. Helping Vanitas find an alternative, Ven didn’t think that was something that Xehanort would have done in a thousand years.

“I don’t know much. But are you really okay with the way things are right now?” Vanitas’s silence told him everything. Of course Vanitas wasn’t okay with it. The things that were happening hurt him and he knew it. His face seemed too thin, for just a moment. “Before it was easier wasn’t it?”

“Running away, I won’t accept that. Besides, Ventus, who was it who believed emotions were meant to remain inside their source?”

“But you have something else in there with them,” Ventus wanted to say, but he didn’t know if it was true. There was something else happening, that much he couldn’t deny. What it was was another matter entirely. Instead of speaking of that, Ven opened his mouth and chose something else.

“Guess we can’t be expected to be the same.” Though Vanitas laughed bitterly, Ven wasn’t sure it would mean anything. A normal conversation with Vanitas. Was that possible? “Hey, so…”

To Ven’s growing despair, he’d started a sentence not knowing its end. Vanitas was watching him through that mask, his expression unknown. He had to come up with something to say, some way to continue his words. After a few painfully slow seconds Ven managed to continue.

“Do you… know anything I could use to drill a hole in a seashell without breaking it?”

For a long moment, Vanitas only stared at him. Even with the blank face of that mask pointed toward him, Ven thought he could feel flat disbelief pouring off the other boy.

“… You’re serious.” Feeling stupid, Ventus nodded. It was hard to find something to talk about that wasn’t potentially volatile. Too much led back to Xehanort, and nothing there was good. Almost all of his options were completely limited to things happening within this heart. If he made Vanitas mad the other boy would retreat back into his cave and slam the door, so to speak. And so… “A way to poke a hole in your stupid shells. Why?”

“So I can… put them together.” Now he didn’t just feel stupid. Based on Vanitas’s loaded silence, the other boy thought he was an idiot too. The tools he had at his disposal in this heart, on the beach, were nonexistent.

“And you have something to attach them with.” Ven opened his mouth before deciding he didn’t want to just tell Vanitas “no”. He didn’t have anything to use, no cord or thread or twine. But what he did have was something in spades.

“Not yet, but I’ll figure something out.” Time wasn’t a concern. They had nowhere to go and little to do. All he really had was this, or trying to help Vanitas with his emotional storm. Just sitting on the beach the way they were, doing nothing, it would drive him insane. “What else am I going to do, right?”

The idea that he might be turning Vanitas into a pet project didn’t sit well in Ven’s stomach.

That wasn’t what it was. Vanitas _wanted_ to change, he had said he wanted to be different. It wasn’t as if he was strong-arming Vanitas into turning over a new leaf. He wasn’t even sure that he was trying to get him to be a good person, even if he did want to help. Underneath that, what Ventus wanted was to just make the place they were living… stable.

Maybe that was a little messed up too.

“Hmph.” Vanitas didn’t have an answer for that, but at the very least he wasn’t being overtly aggressive. For the first time, it occurred to Ven. He hoped Vanitas wouldn’t sense it, couldn’t feel it from his heart. How that worked, Ventus didn’t know. Vanitas didn’t feel everything in his heart, but what determined what he felt was a mystery. Either way, there was something Ven didn't want to reach him.

Though they’d both thought it wasn’t the case at first, Vanitas _was_ capable of hurting him. Being struck by Vanitas hadn’t hurt in the slightest, and when he’d hit Vanitas it had been much the same. No matter how many times they raised their fists to each other, no matter how far each blow threw them, there was only force and no pain.

The Unversed were another matter entirely, because they were something else entirely.

Vanitas couldn’t bring himself to hurt him anymore. Knowing that didn’t reassure Ven much. If Vanitas changed his mind, withdrew again, chose to reject his extended hand, or more likely just lost control, Vanitas could hurt him and Ven had no real way of fighting back. All he’d be able to do was destroy the Unversed. He had no way to keep them from being born.

“So this is what you plan to do with the rest of your existence here? Make things out of shells? Figures.” Of course Vanitas wasn’t particularly impressed by his goal. Scoffing, Ven leaned back on his hands and looked up at the sky.

“Well it’s not like I can just go get ice cream or something,” he grumbled, before sighing. He hadn’t eaten a single thing since that battle, though it was clearly not necessary where they now lived. If Vanitas had found something to eat, he hadn’t shared it. Ventus didn’t think he had.

Vanitas was completely silent, though.

“What, did I make you want…” The realization halted his words. Nervous, Ven looked at the other boy out of the corner of his eye. Behind that mask, his expression was unable to be seen. He was paying attention, though his head was tilted enough that Ven could tell he was looking at his knees. Vanitas was paying attention, but saying nothing, because… “You’ve never had ice cream.”

Somehow, that silence was so unbearably heavy.

“… Vanitas, do you not know what ice cream is?” Ventus wished that Vanitas would say something, tell him “Of course I know what ice cream is, you idiot” or something along those lines. No words came. Vanitas wasn’t going to say anything, because he didn’t know what ice cream was and he didn’t want to admit it and it was unacceptable to ask Ven to explain it to him. In Vanitas’s heart, there were no memories of it. Memories. “Hey, do you… remember who we used to be?”

That had Vanitas’s head jerking up, and when he looked to Vanitas it was to see the blank slate of his mask staring directly back. It had his heart starting to beat faster – not the sight of Vanitas looking at him, but what that reaction could possibly mean. After a few seconds, Vanitas finally spoke.

“Depends on what you mean by “used to be”.”

“Oh, come on… I don’t remember anything really, so I was h-”

“What?” The disbelief in Vanitas’s voice was sharp, and from the way he clenched his fingers into fists, he didn’t like that information at all. “You remember nothing? From how far back?”

“Uh…” Ven wasn’t sure if he liked what _he_ was hearing either. The topic had gotten Vanitas worked up, but not in a happy or eager way. He was simply… upset. Upset that Ventus had forgotten what he remembered? Was he missing something important that Vanitas had assumed he knew? “From, uh… I barely remember, a few minutes before you were… Or, at least, I think that was when he made you. It just hurt so much, that had to have been…”

“The Badlands, the Heartless. That?”

“Y… yeah, and some vague…”

“But you don’t recall my actual… and nothing. Nothing else?” Vanitas was growing angry now, not indignant but angry. The fact that he didn’t remember was making the other boy livid, but somehow… “You have _nothing!?_ ”

“You don’t have to yell at me for it!” Even as he said it, Ven realized that Vanitas wasn’t mad at _him._ What Vanitas was angry about, why his agitation was ramping into a fury that should have necessitated an Unversed, was because… “You don’t remember either?”

“Of course I don’t remember!” The words were spat like something foul on Vanitas’s tongue, almost shouted out. The tension around him was growing, enough that Ven knew if it worsened he would have to move back. If he ran, he wasn’t sure if Vanitas was angry enough to chase after him. The words that followed Vanitas’s exclamation, however, knocked those thoughts from his mind entirely. “You took my body and my face and my _light_ and you can’t even tell me who I used to _be?_ ”

“I… I’m sorry.” It was the only thing Ventus could think to say. Vanitas’s anger was melting and warping into despair. Blackness was dripping from his fists, leaking out from his palms between his fingers and staining the sand beneath them. “Vani- hey, just!”

“I thought it was a fluke, that I had to outright search for them once I had the time! When I took your heart and learned nothing, got no answers, I thought I just had to- they’re gone!? You’re telling me our memories, our past, _gone!?_ ” Vanitas grabbed him with one sticky hand, too quickly for him to react and get back. His fingers curled around the emblem on his chest, holding Ven in place by his straps. That was something his master had given him, and Vanitas was-

Ven’s fingers latched around Vanitas’s wrist, but before he could pull his other hand back to strike Vanitas the other boy was letting go and yanking his arm free. He scrabbled with his helmet, ripping the plate to melting shreds mere seconds before his body heaved and a thick, viscous mouthful of burning tar spilled from his mouth. Silently, Ven was grateful for that – at the very least Vanitas didn’t have a helmet full of vomit around his face, wasn’t breathing in nothing but the sickening miasma that rose off it. Burping out that disgusting, oily, sticky fluid, Vanitas was already crying.

“They can’t be gone! They’re important, there’s no way they can be gone forever! You can’t tell me why we, you can’t… you can’t tell me anything? These scraps, these threads, these are all I’ll ever have? This is it!?” Vanitas curled in on himself, retching and shuddering, negativity mixing in the sand with his tears. It seemed everything that had happened in this place had simply broken Vanitas down more. But there was nothing Ventus could do about it. His memories weren’t anywhere he could find them, whether sealed away or gone for good. Was it possible that they were gone for good? It felt so wrong, so cruel. Like Vanitas, he didn’t want to believe that could be the truth. “They’re supposed to be in your heart, my heart, _our_ -! No, this can’t, you’re supposed to have them! They have to be there, that’s where our memories are meant to be! _You can’t tell me who_ _they are_ _!?_ ”

If he did nothing Vanitas was going to explode, and whatever was going to come out of him was going to hurt.

“Just do something, Vanitas! Your feelings, make somethi-”

“Why should I, huh? What’s the point? If nothing will ever go the way I hoped, I might as well just-”

“Vanitas,” Ven cut in, knowing it was dangerous and stupid to reach out in that moment but extending his hand anyway, “What you’re doing isn’t worki-”

His fingers were burning, lighting up in agony the second they found Vanitas’s hand. Crying out in pain, Ven jerked his hand back. He’d been

 

seared?

Pain was running up his entire arm as if something was burrowing into him from his fingers. Touching Vanitas had done something. Something that had made his body seize up and his heart race. And the feeling of some awful stinging seemed to sink into him.

Over his own pounding heart, Ventus heard Vanitas choking out words.

“What-” Vanitas started, his eyes wide and full of vivid fear. It was frightening, seeing Vanitas afraid. Shuddering, Ven made himself look at his fingers. They were coated in black tar, burning like they’d been dipped in acid. Though Vanitas was now reaching out with one trembling hand, he quickly yanked it back and stared at his own palms in alarm. With a shiver, Ven took hold of his wrist in some naive attempt to keep the pain from reaching his brain.

He didn’t have a brain. He was nothing but a heart with a projected form. Reminding himself of that didn’t help. It didn’t hurt so much that it totally consumed his thoughts, but it truly felt like his hand was far too close to a fire. Far worse than the pain was the way his fear was starting to spiral out of control.

“Ventus-”

“It’s fine!”

It wasn’t. He’d been stupid to try and touch Vanitas, stupid, so stupid. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know what it was that he was violently purging himself of. Black streaks were running along the back of his hand. His veins themselves were tainted by what he’d touched. Thankfully it wasn’t spreading further up like a moving infection. Pain nonetheless cut into him. Trying and failing to banish that feeling, Ven squeezed his eyelids shut tightly. It had happened once before. Though it had hurt he’d been distracted and dizzy. This time, they were both completely aware of it. What was happening to him? What?

“It just, hurts a little!”

Whatever it was that lived within Vanitas was tearing into him

“How do I,” Vanitas’s voice was shaking, and his body surely as well. They were surely both shaking. He just couldn’t tell. Ventus blindly tried to wipe his hand on the sand. What he had touched was clinging to him. It wouldn’t be budged.

It hurt. The pain may not have been totally consuming his mind. But it was making it hard to think. Panic was racing through his veins, barely staved off. Sweat was starting to bead on his temples. Ven bit down on his lower lip. Nothing. Regrettable. He couldn’t distract himself from the pain with more pain. His teeth digging into his lip were nothing but pressure. What was happening? He understood less and less. Pounding, thumping, burning. It was like his feet were no longer on solid ground. His whirlwind of fear, he had no thoughts, totally helpless. It would never end the pain would never fade there was nothing that anyone could do. Every second that passed only made his mind cloud more and more         and more                  and more

What? Cold sweat clashed with the searing heat. Terror had a tight grip on his heart. It wouldn’t stop it would never stop there was nothing he could do.

no, no it was all wrong he _needed_ it to stop he needed, he needed someone anyone to

Grown desperate and filled with only fear, Ventus opened his mouth.

“H… Vanitas please, h-help m-”

The rush of energy around him heralded an immediate cessation of his pain, and Ven opened his eyes once more to see Vanitas cradling his head in his hands. Not a speck of that aching, viscous fluid was left on him, on the beach, on Vanitas. Clustered around them was a veritable swarm of Unversed, something that was closer to hundreds than dozens.

Vanitas, once again, was empty.

Now, it was safe to touch him. All of what had been pouring out of Vanitas was contained in what surrounded them, the same kinds over and over. There were so many Scrappers on the beach with them that they seemed like an army, all of them looking around helplessly. By contrast, the dozen or so Blobmobs – Ventus paused to count them, and found fourteen – were much harder to read. And, spread among them, perhaps even more numerous than the Scrappers, were a mass of Unversed he didn’t know at all.

Flowers, Thornbites. They _were_ Thornbites, looked almost exactly like them. But they were massive, twice as big as what he remembered, and the petals adorning them were a deep gray with only the faintest tinge of blue… wrinkled, and wilted. The thorns that covered their vine-like arms were daunting in their size, the manifestation of something terrible. A sea of faces looked at Ven, each one the same. More than anything, it looked like they were crying. Something new, a new feeling that had taken form. They seemed as if they would simply collapse into weeping.

“Vanitas…?” Would his words be able to reach Vanitas? He didn’t even know if his hands could. The other boy seemed to be looking at nothing at all. He _felt_ like nothing at all, as if he were merely an illusion. In that moment despair crashed over Ven, the reality of the situation almost crushing in its weight.

Unresponsive, Vanitas merely stared at his knees. He’d gone away somewhere, creating so many Unversed that what was left within him was barely enough to keep his eyes open. Now, the pain that filled Ven was solely sorrow.

Upon realizing what was happening and understanding it, Vanitas had reversed his stubborn decision to such an extreme that he’d forced almost every drop of his emotions out. Getting rid of what had been burning, stinging, agonizing, drawing it back into himself and funneling it into the Unversed. Taking it away, so that it could no longer hurt anyone. Because he had asked for help, Vanitas had chosen it.

This was, Ventus thought, the first time Vanitas had ever done anything for someone else’s sake alone.

Not speaking, he reached out and took Vanitas’s hand. He didn’t jump, didn’t say anything. The only thing Vanitas did was look at their joined hands blankly, as if not registering what he saw.

Maybe it was the fear he’d been feeling at experiencing pain after so long, the adrenaline he didn’t truly have pounding through his body. Maybe it was the negativity he had been touched by still ramping his emotions up to an unnatural height. Ventus didn’t know. All he knew was that seeing Vanitas’s form like that, with his mind and heart right beside him but so unreachable that he may as well have not existed, filled him with so _much_ that all he could do was throw his arms around Vanitas to hold on as tears rolled down his cheeks and his shoulders began to heave in sobs.

In that moment, Ventus thought he understood it a little. What it was like to be Vanitas, filled with so much that he was powerless in the face of the emotions within him. What it was like to want to get rid of it, to push it out of his heart and take hold of a moment of peace from that storm.

Like that, empty, Vanitas was completely docile. He couldn’t hurt a fly, because he wasn’t even aware enough to understand anything happening around him. There was no way to deny that this was the safer outcome, but nothing about it felt good. All of it was simply awful, Ven felt sick. Vanitas was just like he had been after having his heart attacked – only technically awake. If he got up, started to walk, he thought Vanitas might follow him.

But the person he had just been speaking with, who had wept and shouted and felt with such strength, that person wasn’t anywhere to be found.

Keeping everything inside was dangerous. Letting everything out was unspeakably horrible – no one was there. Too much emotion, or not enough. There had to be a happy medium, but Ventus didn’t know how to find it. Vanitas couldn’t hear him, totally catatonic.

Sitting on that beach, surrounded by Unversed and completely alone, Ven simply continued to sob. He’d grow exhausted, lose hold of consciousness. When he woke up, would Vanitas be back? The idea of him returning to himself all alone… Ven almost hoped it wouldn’t happen, because surely it would be so painful that Vanitas would hardly be able to bear it.

Miserably, he buried his face in Vanitas’s shoulder. As he did so, Ven felt the touch of something on his hand. Another hand was taking his, though Vanitas hadn’t moved. Wiping his tears away with his other hand, Ven raised his head to look at the Scrapper that had reached out for him. They wouldn’t attack. None of the Unversed would attack, because in that moment Vanitas was too hollow to have those feelings.

Radiating anxiety, its touch somehow making him more scared of what was happening – Vanitas might never, ever come back, he would lose him forever – the Scrapper held another hand out to him. More of them were repeating that gesture, these ones tapping their upturned palms with clawed fingers. Trying to communicate something to him, though Ven was helpless to tell what.

“You're… asking me to do something?” The Unversed, of course, didn’t speak. They had no mouths to do it with, no words to say. Ven sniffled, wanting to simply squeeze Vanitas tighter. If he let go, it felt as if Vanitas would simply disappear. He couldn’t let go. He couldn’t lose Vanitas. The Unversed wanted something from him, crowding around closer. They began to tug at his clothes, hands grabbing at him in a way that wasn’t threatening in the slightest despite the way they had been in the past. It was only when a hand made its way into his pocket that Ventus realized they were searching him, and he yanked that hand back out. In his pocket was the Wayfinder that Aqua had made for him, and he couldn’t allow them to take it. The only other thing there was…

Frowning in puzzlement, Ven reached into his own pocket and extracted one of the shells. As soon as he had done so, every Scrapper he could see immediately began to frantically point to their palms again. “Do you… _want_ these?”

The Unversed closest to him held both hands out, clearly asking for it. Not knowing what else to do, Ven dropped the shell into its upturned palms and watched as it turned and began to carry its prize deeper into the crowd. They were doing something, but Ven didn’t have a clue what it was. There was simply a cluster of Unversed in motion, gathering around what he had given them. A few seconds later a Scrapper emerged once more, approached him, and held its clawed hands out.

Within them was the shell he had handed over, pierced messily through the top with a single hole.

Sniffling like a fool, all Ven could do was smile.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to return to Roxas. It's a calmer chapter again. Roxas and Xion are kind of stupid in a totally different way for once. They're doing their best, they're a year old. Give them a break.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments, your reactions are why I post!

“After that… what happened after that? Hold on.” Roxas furrowed his brow, bringing one hand up to his lips as he thought. He was definitely forgetting something about it, what had happened in Wonderland. There had been the queen, and then after… “Well, either way, I did defeat all three of those Heartless. I really don’t know what happened with the soldiers. They kept on looking for them, I felt kind of bad. That queen was really awful.”

“She _sounds_ awful,” Ven said, his chin in his hand. Xion was already nodding along with his words. She knew just as well as he did, probably. Roxas wasn’t certain how many times Xion had been to Wonderland, but there was no way she hadn’t seen its queen at some point. “What a rotten person.”

“They were all really scared of her, I think. Especially that rabbit. Even though I did want to do something about it, I couldn’t exactly abandon my mission. It was the same way in Neverland, actually.”

“Neverland?” Ven perked up at the name, and Roxas blinked at him. They’d found it, it seemed – a world that all three of them had been to. That had to be the case, from the way Ven had just reacted. “You went to Neverland? Hey, did you see Peter? Peter Pan.”

“Peter? No, just… This pirate captain, and the guy he bossed around, and then some sort of fairy. She helped m-”

“Tinkerbell?” Ven was really excited now, even if he’d been crestfallen for a split second at his response to the question about Peter Pan. “You met Tinkerbell, that’s great! She’s still around… I’m sure Peter is too then. I met both of them a long time ago now, I guess. Peter, Tinkerbell, and then those two other boys. I don’t think I ever actually learned their names. Ugh, but…”

Ven glanced up at the coconut tree he was sitting with his back to, and when Roxas followed his line of sight it was to see Vanitas peering back down at him. It had him jumping almost out of his skin – when had Vanitas gotten there? But Ven had known all along, probably. Xion jerked a split second after him, and then put her face in her hands to giggle nervously.

“Neverland, _huh_ Vanitas?” There was something there that neither he nor Xion knew about. Vanitas had been to Neverland too, then.

“Already said I was sorry,” Vanitas called down, making no move to join them. “Go ahead, tell them all about how I was very, _very_ bad there.”

“Why are you saying that in such a weird way,” Ven muttered, lacing his fingers together in his lap. He looked annoyed, even as he started to speak again. “I’m over it now, but I was really mad when I found out. Vanitas was being a baby trying to goad Aqua into a fight.”

“It’s not being a baby if it works. She was furious.” Roxas settled back, glancing at Xion with some exasperation. It was time for a squabble, so all they could do was let it run its course.

“You broke my training Keyblade in front of her, of course she was furious! You _know_ Terra made that!”

“Well… I unmade it.” Something was a little strange in Vanitas’s tone, as if he couldn’t make up his mind about it. The words seemed unaffected, but his voice wasn’t as distant. Ven didn’t much care about that, his cheeks flushing in anger.

“I said I was over it, but if you say something like that I might have to change my mind.”

“Oh yes Ventus, push my face in the sand again and make me tell you I’m sorry. That’ll show me.” Before Ven could fire off the reply hot on his lips, Vanitas was shaking the tree beneath him and sending a rain of coconuts down to the sand. Rather than speaking, Ven instead knocked one out of the way to keep it from dropping directly on his head. Then he was jumping to his feet, snatching one up and backing up to take aim. “Such a mature response, Ventus!”

“Ven,” Xion said, and Ven froze in place with his arm already cocked back to throw. Vanitas’s laugh was manic, but for some reason Roxas had to push down the urge to laugh as well. The way Ven had reacted was a little funny, he had to admit. Looking abashed, he sat down once more and pointedly refused to look at Vanitas. It had been bait, and Ven had nearly taken it.

“Sorry,” Ven said finally, setting the coconut down in front of him. Vanitas had quieted, and when Roxas looked up at the tree he couldn’t see the other boy. Whether or not he was still there, Roxas couldn’t tell. It was a mess of leaves up there, so Vanitas wouldn’t be visible unless he was leaning forward the way he’d been a moment earlier. “It was something Terra made years ago, and when I first came to the Land of Departure he gave it to me. When he was younger it was his training Keyblade too, so he sort of passed it on I guess. That was before I could use my Keyblade… uh, again, I guess. I left the wooden one there with Peter Pan, in a treasure chest full of things we cared about. After that, _someone_ broke into it and took it. I wonder who _that_ could have been.”

“Acting like a child,” Vanitas muttered, confirming that he was still present. Irritation flashed across Ven’s face, but he met Xion’s eyes and pushed it aside instead. “You’re right, I was being needlessly cruel. I was the childish one.”

“I know why you did it,” Ven said finally, his voice a little quieter. From up in that tree, Vanitas scoffed. Roxas wondered what that reason was. Vanitas seemed displeased by it, Ven’s words or Ven’s tone or both.

“Sure. It was still one of the most messed-up things I ever did, but you already know all of that.”

“I guess I’ll leave it at that.” Ven seemed mostly content with that, no longer oddly subdued. They really did butt heads at the slightest provocation. It made it easy to forget the softness Roxas had seen in their eyes, at least until it returned in those moments.

“Oh, please. Grant me your mercy, Ventus.” And then it was gone again.

Ven snorted, picking the coconut up again and tossing it in his hand. “Don’t test me.”

“I don’t need to, you’ll pass with flying colors.” It was a genuine compliment, and Roxas found himself frowning at it. He couldn’t pretend he’d never teased Axel and Xion, but Ven and Vanitas were really on another level. Was it even teasing, or genuine insults that they just liked for some reason? “Anyway, I broke the thing to get Aqua to fight me, and she did.”

“She knocked you out cold,” Ven corrected him, and Xion raised her eyebrows and poorly stifled a laugh. Vanitas didn’t seem embarrassed by that when Roxas looked up at him. He’d had time to come to terms with his losses, clearly. Vanitas had already told him easily that both Ven and Aqua had defeated him, and he’d just as easily passed the information on to Xion since Vanitas hadn’t told him not to. It didn’t seem like a secret. Vanitas wouldn’t be in Sora’s heart if he’d won. “I only found out about it afterward, from him. He kept biting off more than he could chew with Aqua, she’s a Keyblade Master for a reason.”

“You know I was strong enough to obtain the Mark of Mastery,” Vanitas drawled, finally dropping out of the tree and onto the sand with a thump. Before anyone could react meaningfully, he was already sitting next to Ven. “Xehanort would never have appointed me a master and you know that too. I never even asked, I had no interest in it and lack the temperament and other lauded traits of a Keyblade Master. Definitely had the strength for it, though. Could you even imagine?”

“Master Vanitas,” Ven snickered, covering his mouth with one hand. “What’s that mean for me, huh? I beat you senseless.”

“ _Master_ Ventus.” Vanitas found it just as funny, clearly. Ven elbowed him, and that had them both laughing. Xion was giggling too, but it was more that the laughter was contagious than anything else. “Make Roxas and Xion your apprentices, that’s a laugh. They’ve already got Keyblades. Maybe it’d be better if Aqua took them on, though. She’d pull it off, she’s much stronger than either of us. I don’t think you’re really qualified to be a teacher yet.”

“Oh, thanks a lot!” Ven leaned to press his shoulder against Vanitas’s, as if trying to slowly push him over onto his side. Vanitas staunchly resisted it, not even acknowledging that it was happening. “I’d be a great teacher!”

“I’m sure you want to believe that,” Vanitas shot back, his lips turning up into a smirk. “Teach Roxas something, huh?”

Roxas blinked, glancing between the two of them. He was being used as a prop in this argument, he realized when no one looked back at him. Ven’s response only confirmed it.

“I already taught him how much of a jerk you are.” To Roxas’s surprise, Vanitas burst into laughter again at that. It had him outright shaking, pressing a hand to his eye and resting his back against the tree. Even laughing like that, Vanitas’s mouth looked strange. The problem was certainly that something about his face didn’t entirely line up with Sora’s, and his mind’s eye was still ringing faint alarm bells. Something about his lips, some sort of restraint that still existed even when his mouth was open wide to laugh or to shout. That had to be the reason.

“Fair enough, Ventus. Fair enough. I’d argue that I’m the one who taught him that, though. At the very least, it was a joint lesson. Wouldn’t you agree, Roxas?”

Being directly addressed had him jumping again, and he’d answered before really thinking about it. “Yes!”

Silence reigned for a moment, then Xion was giggling uncontrollably next to him. He wanted to push her off the paopu tree, his face reddening. Ven was starting to chuckle too, quickly giving up on holding it back. Rather than laughing, Vanitas was merely nodding as if pleased by his answer. He’d take that, Roxas decided. At the very least, it meant not everyone was laughing at him.

“Thanks a lot, Xion,” Roxas muttered, bringing a hand to his forehead and leaning into it. It almost felt like betrayal from one of his best friends in the world. Axel wouldn’t have laughed at… He couldn’t even finish the thought. Axel would definitely have laughed at him. “Thought you were my friend.”

“What are friends for if they can’t laugh at each other?” Ven’s grin was wide and a little wild. It made Roxas pause for a second in thought. His sudden somberness made Ven’s smile falter, and Xion reached out to pat his hand.

“Roxas?”

“Sorry, it’s just… are we friends?” Ven seemed to think they were and it felt like they were, but Roxas wasn’t sure. There were things that friends simply did together, and they hadn’t done them. Even if he had the sense that it was the case, that they were friends now…

“Oh. Did you not feel like I was your friend?” As Roxas considered the question, Ven’s cheeks were starting to redden. Vanitas wasn’t saying anything, just looking out towards the sea. He’d thought it at the time, but the memory of Ven’s words returned to the forefront of his mind.

“It’s just that we’ve never had ice cream.”

For a long moment, no one said anything. Ven wasn’t blushing anymore, but his face was twisted up in immense confusion. Opening his mouth to speak again, Roxas then reconsidered it. He glanced at Xion, who was nodding faintly. Wasn’t eating ice cream something friends did?

“W… why do you say that?” They weren’t all on the same page.

“Well… if you’re friends, you have ice cream together.” Xion got it. That was how it worked, wasn’t it? Why was Ven reacting so strangely to what they were saying? “Ven, have you never had ice cream?”

“Of course I have! It’s just, I never… You’re acting like it’s a really important part of being friends, and I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“Axel told me friends are people who have ice cream together,” Roxas said slowly, looking at Xion. She shrugged helplessly at him. He ate ice cream with Axel and Xion, and he ate ice cream with Hayner, Pence, and Olette. Friends ate ice cream together, and talked about what they’d done that day, and helped each other, and felt close to one another. That was what being friends was.

“Sure, you can have ice cream with your friends. But that’s… not all friendship is about, you know.” Ven looked awkward. Roxas felt awkward. Had Axel been wrong, or had he understood Axel wrong? Axel knew about those kinds of things, so it had to be him that was wrong. “I mean, you can eat ice cream with your friends, or you can eat ice cream with your family, or your…”

Briefly Ven glanced at Vanitas, before elbowing him.

“ _What_ , Ventus?”

“Say something, already.”

“Say what? I don’t have anything to say.”

Vanitas had never eaten ice cream, and Vanitas had no friends.

“That’s not all we did,” Roxas said, desperate to break that silence. “I know friendship isn’t just eating ice cream, we did other things together. It’s just that… friends are people who have ice cream together, that’s how I always thought of it.”

It wasn’t as if they had any ice cream to eat, of course.

“Just… Roxas, Xion, to me, friendship isn’t about… It’s like…” Ven looked at Vanitas again, but when no words came to bail him out of his predicament he sighed and continued. “It’s not about what you do, it’s about wanting to do it together. You guys have ice cream together and that’s your thing, right?”

“Uh… I guess that’s right.” Xion’s brow furrowed as she thought about it. The words made sense, even if they weren’t what he’d been thinking of. Was having ice cream their _thing_? Roxas wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. “We’d eat ice cream and watch the sun set… Ven, do you have a thing you did with your friends?”

“Hmm… we liked to look up at the stars together. It wasn’t something we did every night, sure. Only a few times. But it was something I really liked. I had a telescope in my room and everything. The night before Terra and Aqua’s exam, there was a meteor shower. I ran out to go watch it, even if I fell asleep during it. After that, all three of us looked at the stars. That was before… everything that happened, happened.”

That time, it was Vanitas who glanced at Ven.

Neither of them spoke for a long time.

“I guess it wasn’t really a _thing_ , just a thing.” Just from Ven’s inflection Roxas was able to tell what he meant. “More than a thing we did together, we have…”

What Ven extracted from his pocket was a familiar shape. Though it wasn’t made of seashells, it was unmistakable that what Ven was holding was a Wayfinder. Xion leaned forward to look at it, a star made of colored glass. It was pretty, really. Five pieces of green glass, a charm that gleamed in Ven’s palm. The mark in the middle of it was the same shape as the one on his chest.

“You made Wayfinders together? No, wait, you said it’s not something you do.”

“Aqua made them for us, our good luck charms. Real ones, this one’s just… my memory of it. My real Wayfinder is with my body, wherever that is. It looks just like this, though. Me, Terra, and Aqua all have one. Even though they’re far away, sometimes if I look at this… it doesn’t seem like they are. I don’t know how long it took Aqua to make them. See, this part’s metal, and this is glass. It’s a lot fancier than the ones I make with Vanitas. I know you guys saw them, there’s sort of a lot. Aqua told me that the good luck charms are supposed to be made with seashells, so when I saw the ones on the beach here I thought… well, I don’t know.”

“It’s a way to pass the time,” Vanitas said, finally breaking his long silence. He wasn’t looking at them, rather at the Wayfinder in Ven’s hand. Something about his gaze seemed tense, but Roxas didn’t know why. “Ventus was actually able to do that much.”

“Hey! I could have made other stuff if I tried, I just never felt like it!”

Vanitas shrugged at that, yet again unashamed. The way he reacted to that kind of thing really was admirable. He wasn’t flustered by it at all. This was the Vanitas that Ven remembered, Roxas thought. A Vanitas who shrugged things off and kept going, who didn’t cave to his emotions. “Guess we did it together. Ventus put them together, but I’m the one who made it so that he even could.”

“And you almost shot yourself in the foot.”

“Sure did, you distracted me.”

“I hate how you just brush that off,” Ven muttered, before returning the Wayfinder to his pocket. “I think it’s way better when you get embarrassed.”

“Guess you’re gonna be disappointed today, then.”

“So,” Xion started, leaning back once more and resting her hands on the tree, “Would you say that making Wayfinders is your thing?”

Ven looked at her for a moment, before seeming to realize what she meant. Roxas wasn’t sure what she meant. Hadn’t Ven outright said that he didn’t make Wayfinders with Terra and Aqua? Unless the “you” Xion meant was… “Ha, maybe. Vanitas, what do you think? Is that our thing?”

“Our thing is bickering,” Vanitas replied lazily, looking immensely pleased with himself. Scoffing, Ven elbowed him in the side again and essentially proved his point. The weird thing about it was that Vanitas truly did seem to enjoy the way they quarreled, and Ven likewise wasn’t displeased with it. Easily, Vanitas held his hand out palm-up and began to form that Unversed that Roxas had seen the other day. The red pot with the gleeful expression, certainly an Unversed, what was surely a malicious feeling. Ven pinched his cheek in response to its creation.

“Put that away,” he scolded, as if speaking to a misbehaving child. Vanitas flashed him a smile not unlike the one on the Unversed’s face. The response had Ven scowling, his fingers starting to tug rather than just pinch. Even then, Vanitas’s lips remained oddly sealed at the corners. “Vanitas, that’s so rude.”

“I can’t help enjoying it, you know. Wouldn’t you rather know than not know?”

“I know you’re not _that_ happy.”

“Aren’t I, though?”

“I’m gonna hit you.”

“Channel your feelings productively, Ventus. Violence is not the answer.” It was definitely taunting. The pot was spinning around them, letting out a tiny fireball that shot directly into the air before landing in a puff of sand. Ven staunchly ignored it, not taking his attention off Vanitas and his irritation for a second.

“I’ll show you an answer!”

Still blatantly proud of himself, Vanitas held both hands out and began creating a second Unversed. Just watching that, Roxas thought Vanitas was outright excited. His eyes were bright, his smile was wide, and his cheeks were starting to redden ever-so-slightly. Something strange and foreign settled in Roxas’s stomach as the creature Vanitas was bringing to life dropped out of the air onto the sand.

A chest. It was a massive red chest, far bigger than the one that sat in their room. The sight of it made him think that, probably, this was an Unversed. And at the sight of it, Ven was scrambling to his feet and flushing. Before Roxas could even begin to ask what was happening, the chest abruptly sprouted four spindly legs and opened its lid to reveal a grinning face and jagged teeth. Ven danced around it, clearly expecting something from the creature. Roxas had no idea what it was.

“Ven, what-”

The second Ven glanced at Xion the Unversed reared, opened its lid wider, and snapped Ven up like a fish eating a bug. From within the now-closed chest, Roxas heard Ven groan loudly. Xion was turning bright red, clearly embarrassed that she’d been the one to give Vanitas the opening.

Vanitas, grinning the same way his creation had been, stood. The Unversed skittered over to him, seeming pleased even without its face exposed. Without a word, Vanitas climbed on top of the thing and sat down on the lid.

“Anyway, Ventus is too incompetent to make anything else.”

Roxas hoped there was air in that chest.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here is a tiny chapter to kick off double-chapter day. At the very least, it has a big game-changer in how Ven interacts with the Unversed! And maybe by the time you guys get a notification that this one's gone out, the next one will already be up.
> 
> As always, thank you for your comments!

When he woke, Vanitas was asleep in his arms. Yawning, Ven cupped his cheek with one hand. He wasn’t sure why. If Vanitas had fallen asleep it was best to let him sleep in peace. He wished he had a bed to settle Vanitas in, or at least a blanket to cover him with. But nothing like that existed in this place. Only a few Unversed remained around them, telling him that the others had likely dissolved and returned to Vanitas. When Vanitas woke again, Ventus could only hope he would truly be present.

It was scary. The extremes that Vanitas reached were scary and sad. Knowing that he couldn’t control himself was terrible. If that was how Vanitas had been from the moment he’d been born, it was no wonder he’d wanted to destroy everything.

“I don’t want you to go away.” Of course Vanitas couldn’t hear him. Ven thought maybe he was saying it for his own sake. He didn’t want Vanitas to go anywhere. The more happened, the more it seemed the boy who had done so much harm was… not gone, but someone completely different from who he’d thought he was.

A Scrapper tugged at the hem of his shirt, filling him with emotion. Suddenly terrified, Ven tightened his embrace. Vanitas let out a tiny noise, almost a grunt, but didn’t stir. The possibility that Vanitas would go away forever, that he’d never see Terra and Aqua again, that he’d never see Master Eraqus or anyone he had met on his journey ever again, all of them were flooding his mind. His heart was racing, a deep-seated horror taking root.

It was coming from the Unversed, Ventus realized abruptly. The Scrapper touching him was an emotion, and as soon as it had come into contact with him that emotion was leaking into him. Something that had never happened before coming to this place was happening – it had happened before he’d fallen asleep as well, it had happened over and over and Ventus could finally realize it. The Scrapper holding on to him was the manifestation of a fear, and so with its touch that fear had found its way to Ven’s heart. A fear of loss… maybe, that was what all of the Scrappers were, what all of them had been from the start. That fear, stupidly, also somehow warmed him inside.

Vanitas was afraid of losing him too.

Still not wanting to let go, Ventus sat up carefully to see what hadn’t returned to Vanitas. A handful of Scrappers, a single Blobmob, and close to a dozen of the changed Thornbites. What had created those, a new Unversed? An emotion that resembled whatever was channeled into the normal Thornbites, maybe. Not knowing what either of them were, Ven had no way of saying for sure.

The idea that the different kinds of Unversed were filled with different emotions had never occurred to him, making him feel unbelievably foolish. Of course they represented specific feelings, though “represented” might not have been the right term. They were created to hold those feelings, each type crafted with an emotion in mind. That did assume that Vanitas controlled their shapes, of course. Maybe it was out of his hands entirely. Given how comical some of the Unversed he’d faced were, Ven wasn’t sure which he would prefer to be the truth.

The Scrappers and the Blobmob were crowding around him, so close that Ventus could reach out and touch every single one of them. Only the Thornbites stayed apart from the group, keeping their distance, still looking as if they would topple over. He wished it could have been different, that this new feeling that had been born in Vanitas’s heart could have been something happier. Hesitantly, Ven extended one hand to place on the mantle of the Blobmob between the scattered spikes.

What filled him, again, was fear. It was somehow similar but completely different from the fear that the Scrappers had given him. Touching that Unversed forced a memory to the forefront of his mind, the sight of Terra’s back as he opened a portal to the lanes between and departed to another world. More followed it – Terra’s voice telling him to go home with Aqua, Aqua’s voice telling him to return home, both of them leaving without him.

Memories, of being left behind. A fear that lived in Vanitas’s heart. A fear that he would be cast aside, abandoned. Abandoned by his master, the way Ven himself had been.

Something kinder… that was what Ventus wished could have been stirring in Vanitas’s heart. But the other boy was breathing quietly, holding on to him. He was asleep and breathing, and finally looking as if he wasn’t suffering.

It was weird. Ven knew it was weird, that what was bubbling up in him was bizarre and senseless. Even so, he found himself laying Vanitas down onto his back and sitting beside him. The strange desire that rose in his chest as he looked at Vanitas, the feeling cupping his heart and filling it with an embarrassing urge, was simply…

He felt stupid, leaning in with his pulse pounding and his cheeks flushing. Out of all the things he could want to do in that moment, while Vanitas slept peacefully, what he actually wanted to do was…

“I’m an idiot, you’re right,” Ventus whispered aloud, no part of him understanding why he’d just obeyed that voice in the back of his mind telling him to press his forehead against Vanitas’s. Stupid as it was, it somehow soothed him. A quiet sense of intimacy, of being close to someone who was… was…

He would have to apologize to Terra and Aqua when he saw them again. He would have to apologize, for growing to find their enemy precious. That couldn’t be changed. Ven couldn’t unlearn what he now understood, and he didn’t want to. Going back to being a person who simply hated Vanitas, that wasn’t something Ven wanted to do. What he knew in his heart was just the same – Vanitas didn’t want to return to that time either.

The boy asleep on the sand, what did he wish?

“We’ll figure something out, won’t we?” Vanitas’s cheek was warm beneath his fingers, though the remnants of the mask he still wore got in the way of his hand. Carefully, unsure as to whether it was right or wrong, Ven ran his fingers along it. Somewhere, it came apart. There was a way to pull it from Vanitas’s head. Vanitas had already exposed the depths of his heart to him, childish glee and crushing fear and burning rage and unending sorrow. The painful feelings that had been hidden within him had surfaced already. If Vanitas wanted the mask back, Ventus wouldn’t stop him. But just for once, he wanted something for himself.

If he could take that mask off, he’d be able to truly see Vanitas’s face for the first time.

Fumbling with that helmet, feeling like an idiot, Ventus tried not to think about the things that hurt his heart to remember. Telling himself what he hoped for was all he could do. Soon enough, Vanitas would wake. When he opened his eyes, they would be able to talk. Ven’s fingers brushed a single strap, hidden beneath the metal. Undoing it blindly was difficult, but after a few seconds he’d managed to release it. Hesitating for just a moment, Ven took a shaking breath and pulled that mask over Vanitas’s head to set on the ground beside him. What he was gazing upon was Vanitas’s face, without a single barrier. It was…

He didn’t know what he’d expected.

Of course, it was a completely normal face. Cheeks that seemed a little too round for his sharp personality, a clean jawline. Not much of Vanitas’s face had been hidden, at least once the face plate had dissolved away. With his piercing yellow eyes closed, Vanitas’s face looked like it could have belonged to anyone. Normal… just a person. Whatever was living in his heart that made him feel on such an unprecedented level, whatever it was that spilled from him like burning sludge, whatever it was that let him go far away while standing still, whatever circumstances had brought him into the world, Vanitas was still just a person.

Bringing one hand to rest against Vanitas’s cheek, Ventus pondered that.

Vanitas had come from his heart, and that would never change. What beat in their chests had been one, a long time ago. Ventus wasn’t sure how long ago. They had been in this place for a long time, he thought. Again, Ven could only question whether or not Vanitas had longed to go back to being one. In a way, they had a link that could never, ever be broken. A chain that ran between them, his heart and Vanitas’s heart. He thought that was something he could hold on to. Rather than cold, harsh metal, maybe one day it could be something warm and alive.

Until Vanitas woke, it was fine to stay the way they were. On that beach kissed by the sun’s rays, Ven would wait for Vanitas to open his eyes. Rather than a freezing chain, maybe one day their link could be…

Feeling it was right, Ven took Vanitas’s hand and slipped his fingers between the other boy’s. Something warm, something alive. A link between two people that grew and changed but never faded away.

Something kinder, that was what he wished it could be one day. Two joined hands that held on to one another willingly… a bond like that would be something to be held dear. If that was the kind of bond he could forge with Vanitas, Ven thought that he could cherish that.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And part two of double-chapter day. This one has some big ol' reveals, as well as being a fairly long chapter (especially for a Ven chapter). Hope you guys enjoy it, there's a lot to digest I feel.
> 
> Incidentally, what Vanitas says about the destruction of the Unversed in this chapter is canonical to the novels.

When Vanitas finally woke, it dumped all his hopes of a kinder future into ice-cold water. The second Vanitas’s eyes met his, registered his presence, he simply sank into the ground and sped away.

“Vanitas, wait!”

Worse than simply fleeing… was what Vanitas was doing alongside that.

Emerging from the ground in a trail behind him were blobs of emotion, Vanitas jettisoning them out as fast as he could. Unversed were forming in droves, like he was making up for lost time. Those altered Thornbites, Scrappers, Blue Sea Salt and Axe Flappers that filled the air, dozens of Mandrakes that buried themselves in the sand. A stream of feelings that had been pushed out, left in Vanitas’s wake. So many of the Thornbites, to his dismay, simply lost their balance and fell to the beach. Their sobbing faces looked to him and then away, and yet they remained limp.

Even as Ventus leaped to his feet to follow, he knew it was hopeless. Vanitas would run to somewhere and he wouldn’t be able to catch up, and by the time he found the other boy he would be empty and unresponsive. Wasn’t that what would happen? Once again, Vanitas was abandoning what he felt.

When he brushed against one of those Thornbites, Ven knew why. Emotion filled him in an instant, a feeling so strong that it had him stumbling. He hit the beach hard, barely managing to get his hands underneath him to prevent him from bashing his face into the sand. If he had been Vanitas, Ven could have gotten rid of that feeling so that it couldn’t catch his throat in a vice. What Vanitas was doing was horribly clear, but it only had him more determined to find him.

“Wait! Don’t run away from me, it’s okay! I’m not…” Hurt. That was what made those Unversed weep. Vanitas now understood the gravity of his circumstances and what they could do, and for perhaps the first time he cared. And so he had contained that toxin, trapped it away where it couldn’t explode from his body and cause pain. He’d created so many Unversed for that reason, more and more places to trap it away, and his emotions had gone with it.

Vanitas now recognized that his lack of control had hurt him, and it was enough to strangle him. This was _guilt_ , regret, a misery and shame and sadness that came solely from having hurt another person. No, that wasn’t quite right.

Hesitating only for a moment, Ventus reached out to touch the closest Thornbite. It shied away from him immediately, but not fast enough to dodge away from his extended hand. Again, that feeling spilled into him – something that had never happened before they’d come to this place, Vanitas’s feelings reaching him through their manifestations. The reason for it, Ven thought he understood.

Vanitas’s feelings were reaching his heart, because they were now touching it directly. What Vanitas was afraid of, crushed by, wasn’t just having done harm to someone else. It was something far more specific – it was the fact that his actions had hurt someone he cared about. The purpose of Vanitas rejecting his feelings was no longer for his own sake.

With his jaw clenching, Ventus released the Unversed and got to his feet. As soon as he let go of it, the thing merely toppled over to the sand like so many of the others had. Biting down on his lower lip painlessly, Ven bent to lift it back up again. But once he’d gotten it upright, balanced on its point again, it tipped over and lay shuddering on its side. It couldn’t even look at him.

Still, Ven thought it might attack if Vanitas decided he deserved it. Too weak to control himself… and so he deserved to be hurt. Wasn’t that how Vanitas thought? Believing his pain was justified by his lack of strength, he punished himself for it. Knowing he could do nothing more for that pitiful creature, Ven patted the Unversed regretfully and turned in the direction Vanitas had fled to.

The Unversed made him easy to track down – once brought into existence, they hadn’t moved much. Vanitas hadn’t given them any orders, and so they simply stayed put. They had been created and left to themselves, and had no minds of their own to take actions without being told what to do. Following that shaky line, Ventus made his way to the waterfall by the shack. Where had Vanitas gone? Unversed were milling about around the water, but there was no sign of their creator.

“Hey… Vanitas, where are you? Will you come talk to me?” No reply came, but some of the bushes began to rustle at the base of the massive tree at the center of the island. What tumbled out of them was another Scrapper, and Ven frowned. Carefully nudging it away and feeling that faint trembling terror – Terra was gone, Aqua was gone, his master was gone, and now Vanitas was gone – Ven reached to pull one of the bushes aside.

There was a hole there, some kind of tunnel. It wasn’t wide, but it was tall enough for him to walk through without having to crouch. This was where Vanitas had hidden himself away, somewhere that Ventus hadn’t known about. A secret place.

The only thing he could see was a faint light in the distance, illuminating what Ven could barely make out as a cave. Taking a deep breath, he parted the bushes enough to get through them and made his way into that dark, cool place. How he’d missed it, Ven wasn’t sure. They had been on the island for a long time, though that was only a feeling. There was no way of saying how long it had been. More and more, Ventus was getting the impression that each time he fell asleep it was for days or even weeks. It might have been more, though that was frightening to consider. Pushing it toward the back of his mind, Ven squinted in the darkness and kept moving.

The walls of the cave weren’t damp, thankfully. Keeping one hand on them to guide him, Ventus quickly reached a point where the brief tunnel opened up into a larger chamber. There was a hole in the ceiling of the cave from which light was streaming in, though it was still difficult to see. White scribbles lined the rock, drawings made with clumsy hands. As if instinctively, he knew who had drawn them – the boy who they slept within, a place he came to play.

Stranger than that was the presence of a solid wooden door with no handle to be found. Vanitas was sitting with his back against it, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms folded over them. He shuddered, and another Unversed popped out of him without any ceremony. It hit the ground immediately, an Axe Flapper that hadn’t moved its wings and had instead fallen like a lead weight. Whether Vanitas knew he was there or not, Ven couldn’t say.

“Vanitas.”

To his relief, Vanitas raised his head. His expression was blank, but he was aware enough to recognize he was being spoken to. Still, the emptiness that seemed to radiate from him was disturbing, almost choking. It was like Vanitas was making the air thin, hard to breathe. He was maintaining eye contact, though he said nothing at all.

“Hey… Would you mind if I sat down?” Asking Vanitas to get up and leave would probably work, Ventus knew. It simply seemed easier to not try it and stay where Vanitas had run to in order to feel safe. When the other boy didn’t respond to him, Ven sighed and sat down next to him. His eyes were adjusting to the darkness of the cave, letting him see Vanitas more clearly. “Will you take some of those Unversed back?”

That had Vanitas reacting, and his expression grew tense and nervous before he shook his head. That was no good, then. Vanitas was afraid of what came out of him when he burst, and would do whatever it took to keep it contained.

“Can… if I ask you some questions, will you answer them?” Vanitas said nothing, and Ven considered that for a moment. Sometimes Vanitas reacted, and sometimes he didn’t. Was he drifting in some kind of haze that his words only sometimes broke through? “Vanitas.”

At the sound of his name, Vanitas looked at him again. Almost imperceptibly, he shook his head as if trying to clear it of a fog. Ventus knew it wouldn’t work – it was so hard for Vanitas to focus because he had funneled a huge chunk of his being out into something else. The only thing that was changing about him was his cheeks, muscles seeming to twitch in them. Ven laced his fingers together, leaning against Vanitas in a way that he hoped was reassuring. He knew what he wanted to ask, but it was hard to get the words out.

“Why did… A while back, you said that… Xehanort-” Vanitas’s eyes locked on to his face, and Ven heard the sound of a wind picking up as something rushed past him. It was energy, energy that Vanitas had poured into Unversed that was now returning to him. As he watched, Vanitas was immediately more aware of his presence. Even so, Vanitas was growing upset. “Uh…”

“Why did you follow me?” As he asked the question, Vanitas was getting to his feet. Ven was reaching out before he knew it, his hand locking around Vanitas’s wrist. Vanitas tugged automatically, but he’d latched on tightly and wouldn’t be budged. “Let go of me. Aren’t you afraid of getting hurt?”

“I’m not. It stung, sure. But I’ve had way worse, and I don’t… like the way your eyes look, when you do that.” Vanitas was staring at him in disbelief, and before he could say anything more the other boy was releasing another Unversed. A Mandrake fled from them, and Vanitas was yet again a little more hollow inside. Ventus wasn’t sure if that was worth it. He didn’t think Vanitas would bolt again though, and released his wrist. “Vanitas… can’t you just let a little out? A little bit of those feelings.”

The way Vanitas stared at him had Ven uncertain as to whether or not he’d processed the words. But after a moment his forehead was furrowing. Ven knew he shouldn’t have been as relieved as he was that Vanitas was clearly emoting, though it was muted. “Do you think that’s never occurred to me?”

“Then why don’t you do it? Does… does that not work?”

“It’s easier to get rid of it all.” Ventus wasn’t sure how he meant that. Was it literally more difficult to only put a little of something into an Unversed, or was it that Vanitas preferred being empty to feeling things that were painful? Maybe it was both. But Vanitas was channeling his emotions into several Unversed at once, a daunting amount of them even. Didn’t that mean he was splitting those feelings up into dozens, hundreds of pieces? He surely could keep some in that case. It even seemed like Vanitas was doing it in that moment, keeping pieces.

“I… don’t know what you mean by that.”

“Of course you don’t, you idi…” Vanitas looked away from him, flushing. He held a hand out, and a Thornbite dropped from it only to immediately tumble to the ground. Frowning, Vanitas stared at it for a long moment. He was confused by it, crouching to right it the same way Ventus had. As Ven expected, as soon as Vanitas released it the thing fell again. “Hmph. Pathetic…”

“Don’t say that. That’s an important feeling!” Being afraid of hurting people, regretting doing harm, it was an important feeling. Remorse, the memory of it, surely was something that was important for people to grow closer. “If you don’t feel bad about it, you’ll keep doing it. This is… this is something you shouldn’t just reject.”

“ _Pick_ ,” Vanitas growled, grabbing the Unversed he’d just created by one vine and lifting it into the air. It seemed cruel, something that should have hurt. Unresponsive, it was completely limp. “Keep it or let it out? It’s no wonder I can’t figure out what you want from me, you don’t know either!”

“I… I want you to keep some. When you did what you did, before, you didn’t even hear me trying to talk to you. It was scary, I didn’t know what to do!” Again, Vanitas was staring at him. Finally considering the words he’d said, Ventus swallowed hard. He’d simply told Vanitas “You hurt me”, hadn’t he? But because he had, Vanitas was seriously considering what he’d heard.

“It hurts if I keep them. It hurts if I release them. Do you _really_ think I can just keep half at the snap of my fingers? What’s to say that won’t result in some other scenario where…”

“Where I get hurt. And you don’t want that, do you.”

With his hollowed-out cheeks and pale face, Vanitas broke eye contact immediately. He truly was ashamed of it, and before Ven knew it a stinging blade was cutting into Vanitas’s ankles and knocking him off his feet. Hissing in pain, he drew his legs up to his chest to cover his fresh wounds. “Get away from me! Go, this is your fault! You’re making me care again!”

Though Vanitas shouted the words out, the reason Ventus got to his feet wasn’t to obey. Vanitas telling him to do something didn’t mean he was obligated to do it. He didn’t follow orders, and he never had. Gritting his teeth, Ven found himself storming down the tunnel toward the exit of the cave where his target lay buried. He knew his expression was foul. The only thing he did was pull his foot back to kick the Mandrake as hard as he could and knock it from the soil. Hopefully it would simply burst, returning whatever it…

Emotion rushed into him as soon as his body touched the Unversed, and Ventus found himself freezing in his tracks even as it flew off. Caring about other people, he couldn’t do that. It was dangerous. It opened him up to be hurt. Anyone who was a risk needed to be driven off, kept away.

Worse than that realization was the sound of Vanitas quietly grunting.

As fast as he could, ignoring the turmoil it evoked in him, Ven grabbed the Mandrake by the leaves and carried it back with him. Thankfully, they didn’t cut into him. Because the Mandrake wasn’t attacking, it didn’t hurt. That was what it had to be, Ven was sure of it. Though it wasn’t making any attempt to hurt him, it was kicking its tiny legs with all its might to try and free itself. Once he’d returned to the cave, Ven held it out to Vanitas with a scowl that he hoped the other boy couldn’t recognize as fake. The one Vanitas turned to him was real.

“Did I just hurt you by hitting this thing?”

“Yes. They’re an extension of me, I feel any damage sustained by them. My own absorption of them feels like nothing, but of course their destruction inflicts harm.” That, too, was hard to swallow. Destroying an Unversed hurt Vanitas and always had. There was no way Xehanort hadn’t known that. After a brief pause, Vanitas continued. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does. Why didn’t you tell me?” Ven thrust the Mandrake out, pressing it into Vanitas’s chest as if it would somehow make it sink back into him. Predictably, that didn’t work. It had been worth a shot, though. “And why didn’t you tell me why they were attacking you? They’re _not_ actually out of control right now, are they?”

“Of course they are,” Vanitas replied, but his voice was unsure. Shaking his head, Ventus loosened his grip on the Unversed in an attempt to get it to stop squirming. That urge was buried deep within him, it seemed. So deep that he wasn’t completely aware of it.

“I don’t think that’s true. Vanitas, do you really think you deserve to get hurt? This, this attacked you because you thought you needed to be punished for caring. Isn’t that right?”

Alarmingly, he could hear it when Vanitas swallowed nervously. He didn’t answer, the words having blatantly shaken him. This wasn’t something Vanitas had considered. Though there had certainly been points where his emotions had been out of his control, the times that his emotions came for him while he was aware…

“Vanitas, you know, for a while I was upset with myself. For a long time I was angry with myself for being weak, I was ashamed. Back then I didn’t understand what had happened to… to us, so I didn’t know why I couldn’t keep up with Terra and Aqua in training. Even though I should have realized it, I just didn’t think about how much longer they had been learning to fight. I was just starting out, though I guess it was starting over. But I didn’t know that, I couldn’t understand yet. It just hurt so much to know how far behind them I was, that no matter how hard I was trying I just couldn’t catch up. That made me feel so pathetic. And one day-”

“He scolded you for pushing yourself too hard, and it made you cry.” Vanitas said it so flatly and with such certainty that Ven knew he’d felt it himself.

“… he did, but it wasn’t like Terra did that on purpose. But…” Finally, a piece clicked into place and began a cascade. The fact that it had taken Ventus so long to realize was so, so shameful. He’d had all the pieces already, and failed to realize that they fit together in the first place. He hadn’t known they were pieces of something at all. What Vanitas had said… he was making Vanitas care _again?_

It all rushed over him, what should have already been obvious.

_“You think I don’t know a thing about Terra?”_

_“Terra should have been-!”_

_“He made me fight him.”_

_“It almost ruined everything once!”_

_“I couldn’t fight back then either!”_

“Vanitas, did… How do you feel about Terra? When you think about him, what do you feel?”

The sudden rush that he knew was dozens of Unversed falling apart and returning to Vanitas whipped past him as a heavy wind, but it didn’t remain in the other boy for long. Almost as soon as it had entered his body again, Vanitas was expelling it and an overpowering emotion into a new shape. Blobs of energy lifted from him, quickly taking form one after another.

What they’d called Prize Pods were filling the air, and Vanitas crouched to cover his face as they spilled from him. Hesitantly, Ven reached out to one. His fingers brushed it – warm and alive – and what filled him was… soft. The memory of Terra’s hand ruffling his hair, Terra’s wide smile, Terra’s voice, Terra’s laughter. Everything he felt was so familiar, the feeling of Terra’s warmth and Terra’s affection and Terra, Terra, Terra. Terra was…

Vanitas’s feelings for Terra rose from him like soap bubbles, and what they held within them was something he understood so well.

The only Unversed that had never attacked, it had always been…

“He’s the person you care about, isn’t he? This Unversed, you make it from that. Why… why couldn’t you just tell me?”

“How could I? It’s pathetic! He doesn’t even know me, I never said a thing to him! Even if – this came from you!”

“But you felt it too.” It could have been so different. Knowing what he now did, Ven also knew that. A version of the story they’d lived out that ended with… happiness, caring, even love, rather than such torment. Even so… as it was, Vanitas was right. Terra didn’t know Vanitas, even if he’d known his name. Awful as it was, the feelings in Vanitas’s heart had no match within Terra. Only Ven’s own feelings were shared. It was Vanitas’s too, because he had felt it. But it was… ah, but it was cruel.

“I don’t need that,” Vanitas whispered, and the words crushed his heart even with the gentleness of Vanitas’s genuine affection still radiating from what he had created. “I don’t need it.”

“Vanitas… you know if you’d just talked to him normally, you could have-”

“ _The master would never have allowed it!_ ” Even with Vanitas’s reserved behavior, those words were sharp. Again, it was true. Ventus couldn’t imagine that Xehanort would have simply let Vanitas go off and make friends, it would have thrown a wrench in his plan. Whatever that plan was, Vanitas finding light… it wouldn’t have been tolerated. “Even if he had, I wouldn’t have known h- Terra was his, I couldn’t go near him. I… I thought if he was taken, I wouldn’t have to feel this way. But once it was happening, I! I froze up, I was useless. I ran away, I just ran away and tried to take it out on… on her.”

Taken.

In a voice he knew was shaking, Ven asked it.

“W… what do you mean, taken?”

The expression Vanitas turned to him was miserable, his eyes shiny with tears. Curled in on himself in the dark, he began to push them out. A fear of losing what mattered gathered around him as Scrappers, and Vanitas slowly went numb.

“The old man’s plan was to subdue Terra’s heart and take his body. Replace his old, faltering body with a young, strong one. That was his plan from the start, from the moment he saw Terra when he left you with Eraqus. To wrest control and trap Terra’s heart within his body, and face the Keyblade War in a form that could easily survive it.”

Fear and despair were awful emotions to face. Xehanort’s master plan, had this been it? Had all of it been a plot to take someone else’s body for his own? Ventus covered his mouth with his hands, taking in a shuddering breath. There was no way Terra could have lost. Terra was stronger than anyone. Vanitas was so certain, but he couldn’t be right. Terra was…

“Terra fell for it hook, line, and sinker. He walked right into it, and you chased after him exactly as planned, and you walked into it too. It was absurd how easy it was to trick you. I thought it was funny how stupid you were, back then. When did that change? Guess it doesn’t matter. It all went the way he wanted, except my part.”

Vanitas still cared, deep down. But the feelings he had left inside were so weak that barely a trace of them remained in his voice. His tears had spilled over unnoticed, and he made no move to wipe them away. Still, no more came.

That was fine, because Ven had plenty of his own filling his eyes.

And then, because those tears fell…

The second Ven sniffled, that first sob, heralded a massive and unexpected change. Energy coursed past him, and before he could truly register it Vanitas was hitting him full force – with his arms extended, a desperate and clumsy embrace. The Vanitas with him in that moment was…

Without any hesitation, even though it had been Vanitas’s words that had hurt him, Ventus buried his face in the other boy’s shoulder and began to weep in earnest. Was it possible that Terra was really gone, locked within himself and unable to break free? Was it possible that Xehanort had trapped him away forever? That was something that had him shaking, unable to keep calm, unable to keep himself from sobbing. Terra couldn’t be gone. Terra was strong, no one was stronger than Terra. No matter how many times he repeated it in his head, the idea that…

“Don’t cry, don’t cry _Ventus_ don’t cry don’t cry,” Vanitas was repeating it over and over, squeezing him harder. Though it was stupid, it helped. The Vanitas that was with him, with all of his feelings inside of him again, felt the same way he did. The idea of Terra going away forever, it was making Vanitas suffer too. Sniffling, Ven wound his arms around Vanitas’s middle. Vanitas was trying to help him, and that meant more than he could ever say. “I-I… I’m, this is… my fault…”

The words that fell from Vanitas’s lips were enough to stop his heart for a moment, stunning Ven so much that he couldn’t even cry.

“I’m _sorry!_ ” It was like a dam bursting, and Vanitas shuddered against him before pressing his face against his neck as everything began to spill out. Ven could feel energy making the air heavy around them, but the Unversed Vanitas created weren’t something he could see. More Thornbites, Scrappers, or something else entirely? What was Vanitas feeling? “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I told him what Terra meant to you. It’s my fault! It’s my fault Terra was, I fought him even though I! Because of _me_ , he used me as bait to make Terra trust him, he used me to flatter him and I knew and I didn’t do anything! Even though I knew I just ran away the second I got the chance, I pushed it all away and let it happen and just attacked you instead of trying to stop it! The master was right to tell him I’m a demon, I am one! All of this is my fault! S-someone like me, how could you ever want to help me?”

The fact that Vanitas was right seemed to strangle his heart. It was Vanitas’s fault, because Vanitas had done nothing. By standing aside and allowing it, even if it had been out of fear or despair, Vanitas was nothing but an accessory to a horrible crime. Vanitas had kept him and Aqua from Terra’s side, and so if what he’d spoken of had truly come to pass…

“Why? Why is it that…” Ventus could only sob the words out, holding on with all his might as tears spilled from him. It was as if he was nothing but a glass of water that had been knocked over, its contents draining out like his emotions down his cheeks. “Why, why is it that I can’t _hate_ you for it?”

The tears rolling down his neck weren’t his own. What was pouring into him was a feeling so unbelievably powerful that without Vanitas beside him he would never have remained upright. Pouring into him was the overpowering force of Vanitas’s regret, remorse, guilt, despair, and even his own feelings for himself, all spun together into something that seemed as if it could grab him by the throat and choke the life from him. It was real, a feeling that couldn’t be faked.

Everything that had happened to Terra and his own part in it, Vanitas wished fervently that both had never come to pass. The reason Vanitas punished himself for his own weakness…

Vanitas, hugging him as if his life depended on it, was simply weeping.

The only reason Vanitas’s emotions weren’t ripping him to shreds was because they couldn’t do it while he remained in his arms. If they parted, everything would strike. Knowing that, Ven only clung tighter. Because Vanitas cared about him, his mere presence would ward them off. Even so…

“ _I_ hate-”

“I know! I know you hate yourself, I know!”

Of course Vanitas hated himself. The life he’d been dragged through was miserable, cruel, wrong, and one day what had gotten him back onto his feet was the opportunity to make someone else feel the way he did. As horrible as it had been, that had made him face forward. If Vanitas had hated everything, Ventus thought that wouldn’t have been irrational in the slightest. And Vanitas _had_ hated everything, enough to want to end it all with his own hand. Vanitas hated himself, and what he’d sought was actually, had always been…

It was something incredible in itself, the fact that Vanitas had lived long enough to fight him at all.

“I-If I have to live like this,” Vanitas sobbed, the beginning to a thought he’d already spoken. Ven didn’t think he could bear it, hearing it again. Instead of allowing it he only covered Vanitas’s lips with his hand, knowing his jerking shoulders and hiccuping breaths were pathetic. If they had to live with this, all of the terror and agony and sorrow and regret, then Vanitas would rather… “Tell me how to live with this, Ventus!”

“We’ll change things!” Couldn’t they change them? It was impossible to simply turn back the clock and undo what had already happened, but there was always… “It’s not hopeless, we can fix it. We can! All the things that went wrong – Vanitas, I promise! If, if you’ll come with me, we can go back. If you just come with me, I promise we’ll find a way to make things right again!”

“There’s no way that will ever happen! This, this is my… this is the only place I can still exist!” The words were chilling. Not knowing what he meant by it, Ventus only stared. Vanitas believed it, and he didn’t know why, and he didn’t understand what Vanitas was even saying. “My body’s gone, I have nowhere to go!”

He’d destroyed Vanitas’s body.

“Th-then… just come with me, to _my_ body.”

“No!” Vanitas blurted it out in a voice tinged with fear. The speed at which he’d rejected it was stunning. Immediately, his rambling words explained everything. “I can’t, a-again, it’s yours. It’s yours now! This is… this is what I look like, this is my face and this is my body and I can’t ever… c-change that… It used to be mine too, but it’s not anymore. It’s not mine, I can’t have it!”

“Vanitas, you… wouldn’t be _taking_ it from me. You’d just be…” Sharing? Ventus didn’t know. Hitching a ride, maybe. But if Vanitas went with him, he’d have the other boy by his side. With a hand that trembled, he reached out to cup Vanitas’s cheek. Their bodies in this place weren’t “real”, but Vanitas was warm and solid and that was real enough to him. Wiping those tears away, Ven continued. “You’d just be with me.”

“I…” Vanitas sniffled, his face flushed with ugly tears. He had no idea what to say, how to respond. What Vanitas was feeling, what Vanitas was thinking, what Vanitas wanted, all of it was swimming in confusion. “I don’t…”

“I just… Vanitas, I don’t want to let go of you again. Back then, I wasn’t strong enough to keep y-”

“That wasn’t a matter of strength!” Hearing Vanitas saying that should have made Ven happy. Part of him _was_ happy, happy that some vital change had been made in Vanitas’s warped perception of the nature of strength and weakness. That should have been all there was to it. Instead, it only made his jaw tremble and more tears bud in his eyes. His weakness had led to Vanitas being torn from him, no matter what he said. “I-it was just, no matter how strong you were, there was nothing you could do to stop someone like him. How could you have even known what was going to happen in order to do anything? You couldn’t have been expected to! It was… something evil. Something evil that an evil person… he’s evil. The master, he’s… _I’m_ …”

“You’re not! You’re not… you did bad things, but that doesn’t make you evil. He _wasn’t_ right, you’re not a demon!” Ventus brought his other hand up, wishing he could simply make Vanitas understand. There was something cruel about it, Vanitas coming to care about doing the right thing only after having done so much wrong. But the fact that he cared now, the guilt and regret he felt, surely were feelings that a truly evil person would never have. Vanitas was… “You want to fix it, don’t you? That means something, Vanitas!”

“How _could_ I fix it? It’s already done, no matter-”

“That might be true, but that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless.” At the very least, Vanitas _did_ want to change things. Both himself and what had happened, Vanitas wanted to change. That could only mean things would get better. Ven was sure that was something he had to believe in. “We can try, at least.”

“Ventus, do you honestly believe there’s _anything_ we can still accomplish in here?” Vanitas was nothing resembling an optimistic person. Back then, Ven hadn’t thought that would have been the case. More and more, though, it was blatantly so. Perhaps it should have been expected that an existence rooted in despair and negativity would be so sorrowfully pessimistic in the face of adversity. Feeling as if nothing he did had any significance anymore, Vanitas… “There’s no point to any of this!”

Vanitas had gotten those feelings from the “him” that had once been, of course.

“We’re still alive, though. It’s not over, because we’re still alive.”

For a long, long moment Vanitas only looked at him. The blankness of his expression didn’t touch the lingering pain in his eyes. In that faint emotion, Ven could read something. The pieces of their hearts that belonged to one another, perhaps they were what let him understand. Maybe it was just the way he now knew Vanitas. Maybe it was something else entirely.

Brushing his thumbs across Vanitas’s cheeks to sweep away what remained of his tears, Ven spoke.

“When you think about me, what do you feel?”

Because it was the only way he could calm the sudden quickening of his pulse, Ven closed his eyes in the face of Vanitas’s expression. The rush of energy around him was an answer without words, and what formed between them, against him, nestling against his chest to cuddle close, was what Ventus had already known. Warmth was flowing into him there, as if touching his heart directly. A feeling that had bubbled up was filling him, a feeling that lived inside Vanitas. Though the cold, scared hands of a Scrapper touched his arm, there was no way it could compete with the heat radiating into him.

Vanitas’s feelings were rushing into him, and nothing about it felt invasive or wrong. Vanitas’s feelings were rushing into him, and what he was sure he was feeling was the spark of something amazing. The warmth of another person, a soaring heart, a tight but comforting embrace. Vanitas’s feelings were rushing into him, and it was the happiest Ven had ever been in this place.

“Come with me,” Ventus said quietly, and when he opened his eyes it was to Vanitas’s flushed cheeks and trembling lips. Though he could tell Vanitas was hesitant, wanted to look away in nervousness, he nevertheless didn’t break that held gaze. Finally Vanitas spoke, in a tone that pretended indifference.

“I’ll consider it,” Vanitas said, and that was good enough.

The Vanitas with him in that moment was kind.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here's a Roxas chapter that's a bit serious. It had to happen eventually, you see. So here's a neat question for you all:
> 
> How does the power of friendship hold up when the conflict is between friends?
> 
> Guess we'll find out.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter, it honestly made me want to post another one immediately.

Sleeping in the same bed as Xion was an okay experience, Roxas had decided. He didn’t feel like he needed to sleep that much, even if both he and Xion grew tired when the sun set. The only problem was that the bed was so small that they were squished in it together. Even if her back against his made him feel secure, it was undeniable that the bed was too cramped with both of them in it. They even had to share a pillow, one that Ven had given them from his own bed. He was probably sharing with Vanitas now.

“Xion, are you awake?”

“Mm… Yeah, I am. Is something wrong?” Roxas wanted to roll over onto his back, but that would mean taking up even more space. He might even topple off the bed entirely, since Xion was on the side pressed up against the wall of the cave.

“I guess I was just thinking… Do you think we’ll ever leave Sora’s heart?” Ven had been so certain, but…

Xion said nothing for a long moment, long enough that he wondered if he’d upset her with the question. “I don’t know. I don’t think that’s possible. If I leave here… Roxas, I don’t think I am anyone. There’s no “me” that can exist outside of Sora’s heart, is there?”

“Don’t say that! Of course there is!”

“What I mean is… the “me” that existed, so much of that person was made up of Sora’s memories. Who am I without them? I can’t take them again. They’re his, they belong here. I can’t leave here. There isn’t a whole person who can leave, just pieces that came from you and Sora. I’m not a person, Roxas. Ven and Vanitas are. They can leave. I’m…” Xion laughed, but it hurt his heart. Roxas pulled the blankets up around himself, staring off at nothing. He didn’t understand it. He couldn’t understand it. Xion was Xion, and no one else. Xion was his irreplaceable friend, Xion was a part of his heart. “Just pieces.”

“You’re not,” Roxas whispered, wanting to bury his face in the pillow and cry. What was she saying? Being made up of someone else’s memories, Sora’s memories, what did that mean? There was a “her” that existed outside of them, a “her” that had fought and laughed at his side. “You’re more than that, you are.”

“I’m just fragments of Kairi,” Xion said simply, sadly. That wasn’t right. Unable to accept those words, Roxas sat up. “Roxas, don’t…”

“You’re not Kairi! I _met_ Kairi, I talked to her. You’re not the same. It doesn’t matter if you look like her or even if you act like her, you’re not her. I’m not Sora and I’m not Ven, and you’re not Kairi!” Xion, rather than sitting up with him, curled in on herself. Even in the darkness, he knew her expression was miserable. Roxas didn’t know what else to do, what to say. The way Xion acted in these moments scared him a little.

“Roxas… parts of you are Sora.” Something heavy plummeted from his chest to his stomach, turning his body cold. She was telling the truth and he knew it. He’d tried to reject it in that moment, and couldn’t.

“What are you saying?”

“It felt like you knew Naminé. Didn’t you say that?” Naminé. It was right. He’d felt that way, that Naminé was someone he had known for years. Longer than he had lived, he had known Naminé. Roxas nodded, before remembering she wasn’t looking at him at all. “Because Sora knew her, and you’re Sora. That’s why you care about her, that’s why she cares about you. You’re right, I’m not Kairi. I’m just Sora’s memories of her, it’s Naminé who’s Kairi. You know her because you’re Sora, because Sora knows Kairi and Sora knows Naminé. We’re all these bits and pieces that we collected together. Roxas, we can’t leave here. This is where we belong. This is the only place we can exist.”

Roxas took a deep breath, rolled out of the bed, and walked out of the cave.

“Roxas, _wait_ …” Hearing the rustle of fabric as she got up to follow him, Roxas began to run. It was easier to run away, wasn’t it? What had facing his problems gotten him, what had seeking Sora gotten him? A cessation of existence, a sense of self that only lingered inside of someone else. Was it even someone else? He’d only returned to the person he’d been before.

Xion was right.

He wasn’t real, was he? What parts of him were Sora, what parts of him were him? Were all the parts of him that were him really just Sora? Roxas didn’t know, and so he closed his eyes and ran barefoot across the beach as the first glimmers of dawn broke the horizon.

Sora. He was nothing but a chunk of Sora that had broken from the whole, picked up dirt from rolling along for a year. Eventually, his piece had been brushed off and put back in place. Everything that was him had been brushed off, because the only true “him” that existed was within what had collected on Sora’s missing piece.

Now “Roxas” was nothing but a pile of dirt that had been swept into a corner of Sora’s heart.

Could he have done it? Wrested control of his body back, taken it over, continued to exist. Could he have shoved Sora’s heart down? But he had given up, thrown away his chance. He’d run away from that chance, the way he was running now. Away from Xion, away from more questions that scared and hurt him, away from his own self, away from the things he’d tried to push from his mind. He hadn’t set Kingdom Hearts free. He hadn’t gotten his life back. He hadn’t done anything he’d set out to do, and now there was no way for him to do so. Roxas didn’t know what the point of running was. He’d already willingly imprisoned himself. Where could he possibly run to now?

Where did he think he could go?

There was something in the secret place, that cave next to the waterfall. Drawings that lined the walls, a wooden door that didn’t open. Uncertainty and determination gripped his chest. It was Sora’s place, a place that was indescribably important to him. How would he feel, being in that place?

Roxas knew he’d avoided it for a reason. The questions that surrounded it made him feel sick, more questions that Sora would never give him answers to. The uneasiness he felt came from his useless attempts to divide himself from himself.

An important place for Sora.

If that place was important to him as well, then who was he? If he felt something in that place, wouldn’t it mean he truly was nothing but a pale imitation of Sora? A cobbled-together mess of stolen parts, feeling emotions that weren’t his, recalling memories that weren’t his, drawing meaning from things that didn’t belong to him.

Roxas didn’t know what he would do when it happened – when he set foot in that cave and felt everything, and truly knew that he was nothing.

Even then, he ran. There wasn’t anything else he could do. Through the door that led from the cove, down the beach, past the shack, up the dock. What could he do but run? That place was his true answer, the final nail in the coffin of his accidental existence. The cave by the waterfall, and-

Staring at him in surprise, Ven.

“Roxas, what are y- are you okay?” Ven had frozen, blocking off his view of that place. He’d just been in it, still emerging from between the bushes that framed the mouth of the cave. Part of Roxas wanted to do nothing but push him out of the way. But Ven’s expression gave him pause, just long enough for his wits to catch up with his body.

What did he think he was doing? What was he hoping to accomplish? In reality, Roxas thought the only thing that he would have done was hurt himself. Maybe that had been what he’d wanted. If he felt pain, was he real? If he threw himself headlong into those questions again, where would “Roxas” end up?

“Roxas?”

“I have to,” Roxas started, unable to read the mixture of emotions on Ven’s face, “Go in there…”

“Uh… no you don’t.” Ven took a few steps toward him, his expression now nervous. His eyes flicked back to the cave’s entrance for just a second. Of course he had to go into the cave. That was what he had left the cove and Xion to do. “Roxas, you don’t look so good. Hey, come with me.”

“But I-”

“Vanitas is working in there right now, you shouldn’t disturb him.” Working. Vanitas was inside the secret place, working. Roxas didn’t know what he could possibly be doing. Building something? He said nothing.

“Roxas, _there_ you are…” When he turned his head, it was to see Xion clutching her chest and panting for air on the beach. He’d taken off so fast that she hadn’t been able to tell where he was going, Roxas thought. “Roxas, I’m sorry. What I said was-”

“You’re right,” Roxas said, gritting his jaw and staring at the ground. He didn’t want to meet Xion’s eyes, didn’t want to look at Kairi’s face. “This is where we belong.”

“Hey, what?” Ven’s voice was soft, but almost resigned. Roxas flinched as one of Ven’s hands landed on his shoulder, turning him around and away from the secret place. In a way, he was glad. The truth was that he was scared of what he’d find in there. “You guys have been talking about some bad stuff again, huh.”

Not speaking, Roxas simply let Ven push him down the path onto the beach. Xion, likewise, wasn’t saying a word. She was holding onto her forearm, looking down at her feet. “Some bad stuff” didn’t seem to adequately describe it. It was the worst thing he could think of, probably. The details of his existence…

Ven had stated it so clearly, his belief that everything would be okay. That they’d be able to leave Sora’s heart one day, that all of the awful things that had happened would be fixed. In that moment, because Ven had been so certain, he’d simply accepted what was being said.

Roxas wasn’t sure if he truly believed it.

“Okay, I don’t get exactly what’s going on.” They were all on the same page there, Roxas thought. He wasn’t sure if he ever knew what was going on, or if he ever would. Too much was uncertain. Sometimes Roxas felt like he was nothing but uncertainty. “Hey… will you guys come sit with me for a little bit? We can find something else to talk about, can’t we?”

“I don’t know if we can,” Roxas said quietly. Ven let out a mournful sigh, reaching out to put his other hand on Xion’s shoulder. He felt stupid, pathetic. Neither he nor Xion resisted when Ven started to push them along, just accepting what was happening.

“I don’t know if I can do anything for you, but… I wanna help.”

“You’re not _like_ us, Ven,” Xion whispered, her voice strained and painful to hear. Immediately, the pressure of Ven’s hand on his back lessened. Like before, Xion was right. Ven wasn’t like them at all. He was a person, a real person, not a shell that had kept walking.

“Who cares?”

“What?”

“If I’m not like you. Who cares? I’m not like Vanitas either, I’m not like Terra, I’m not like Aqua. No one’s _like_ anyone else, not completely. That’s the point of being different people.”

“That’s not what she means,” Roxas managed, but Ven was shoving him forward again and the only thing he could focus on was keeping himself from falling flat on his face.

“Sure, I’m not a Nobody or a Replica and I don’t even think I get the difference between them. But really! You guys are still people, I don’t think it matters where you came from.” Ven was so sure of it, but Roxas couldn’t believe it. No matter what Ven said or thought, he was Sora and Sora was him. He’d always be Sora. What did Ven understand? He’d just admitted himself that he _didn’t_ understand.

“Ven, look…” Ven sighed loudly at Xion’s words, shoving them relentlessly up the stairs toward the bridge. Roxas was starting to wonder if Ven’s reaction to this was for a reason. It almost seemed like he knew what to say, or thought he did. “It’s just that-”

“You feel like because you weren’t born the way I was, you’re less of a person. Isn’t that it?” Xion outright paused at that, freezing in her tracks and stopping the entire procession. “Keep walking, you know where we’re going. I’m right, aren’t I?”

In a way, he absolutely was. Wasn’t that right? They hadn’t been truly born at all, Roxas thought. They’d been brought into existence unnaturally, the result of something twisted and wrong. A puppet, a stolen body. Animated dolls that should never have existed. Their hearts were accidents.

Their joint silence had Ven letting out another sigh, one that sounded pained. Their unspoken answers, that assent, seemed to hurt him even though it was what he’d expected. “Look… I don’t remember this, I don’t. But a long time ago, someone made me too. Maybe the details are different, sure. Someone still brought me into the world. And back then, you know what I started off as? A blank slate. I didn’t have a personality. I didn’t have any interests, I didn’t really do anything, I didn’t know who or what I was. How is that any different from you guys? It’s not. It’s the same. Everyone started off that way.”

“But you know now,” Roxas mumbled, knowing it was a weak reply. They’d finally reached the tree, and Roxas didn’t know if he wanted to sit on it. What he truly wanted to do was sit on the clock tower, to eat ice cream with Axel and Xion and forget everything that had happened. Even if it was a lie, if he could believe it for only a moment that would have been better.

“I don’t really,” Ven replied, finally pulling his hands back. It was up to him to decide. Stand or sit, take Sora’s place or refuse it.

Roxas wanted to go back to before everything had gone so wrong. He wanted to be him, a him that had no knowledge of what he really was, who he really was, where he belonged. Going back to that, to days that had been so carefree and full of meaning, that was something he wished for with everything he had. Back before he’d raised his borrowed, stolen Keyblade against Xion and destroyed her. Back before he’d turned his back on Axel for good. Back before he’d forgotten. Back before he’d lost everything.

Back before he’d stood in a room of pure white, and taken his own life.

“What do you know, huh?” It wasn’t fair to lash out at Ven and Roxas knew it. He carded his fingers through his hair roughly, tugging painlessly at his scalp. Nothing hurt in here. It would have been better if it hurt, because he could have used that pain to ignore what was pounding inside of him. What was it? Fear, despair, hate. What did he hate? Sora. Himself. Sora, who was himself. “What can you possibly understand about us? You’re normal, Ven! We’re not supposed to exist!”

“I don’t understand! I don’t know what you guys went through. I don’t know how hard it was or how scary it was. But you guys aren’t in here all alone. I’m here, Vanitas is here. Vanitas gets it way more than I do.” That was why Ven had something to say in response to them, because it was something he’d thought about before. Vanitas was also someone who had been created rather than born, someone who shouldn’t have existed. But Vanitas had always had a heart, Vanitas was real, Vanitas was… Ven? No… “Maybe we’re all different, we were born in different ways. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all people. Awful things happened, things that are so scary I don’t even want to think about them. We have to live with that. I think it’s better if… we do that together, rather than trying to face all of it by ourselves.”

“I don’t want this,” Xion whispered, sniffling. “I hate this. I was supposed to stop existing, I thought I would stop existing. I was ready to stop existing, I’d decided on that! It was supposed to be better that way!”

“I know,” Ven said, and Roxas could do nothing but let out a strangled sob. What were they doing, any of them? He didn’t know what Ven was saying, what Ven meant. All he did was bring his hands to his face, wiping the tears away. He wanted to see Axel, for Axel to help them. “It feels like it’s easier to run away from it, isn’t it? To just… run away for good. Permanently, so that you can’t regret anything or ever turn back.”

Xion, saying nothing, walked over to the ledge of that artificial island and sat. Her shoulders were hunched as she leaned forward, curling in on herself. She had used him to run away for good. They’d both thought it – that it would have been permanent, when Xion’s body fell to pieces.

“Part of me still thinks that would have been better if Terra and Aqua had helped me do it sometimes,” Ven murmured, and when Roxas looked at him it was to see the other boy staring down at his feet. Then Ven met his gaze, a wry smile on his lips and lingering pain in his eyes. “Vanitas hit me when I told him that, though. That I’d asked them for that. It happened anyway. I ended up doing it myself, fighting Vanitas.”

Stupidly, finally, Roxas realized what he already had known. Vanitas had already told him. Ven had already told him. It just hadn’t sunk in until that moment, what those words had actually meant.

Ten years ago, Ven had intentionally destroyed himself.

How different were they, really?

“I don’t think you have to be exactly the same as or even a lot like someone to understand when they’re going through something that’s hard. Everyone… everyone’s gone through something hard, I think.” Unable to reply to that, Roxas simply sat down next to Xion. It wasn’t their clock tower. He wished it was, but they couldn’t go back to that place. Not anymore. “That hard stuff just piles up and crushes us. That’s the way it feels to me, at least. It just gets heavier and heavier until you feel like you can’t do anything.”

“Ven…” Xion sniffled, wiping at her face with the heel of her hand. It wasn’t the same as the fear he’d felt when Vanitas had destroyed the cave, or the agonized despair they’d both felt over Axel. What Roxas felt in that moment was a deep-seated exhaustion and the urge to give up. Lying in the sand and closing his eyes would be easier, but would he actually be able to stop thinking? He wanted to give up. He didn’t know how to give up. “You’re able to deal with this, but we just can’t. We’re…”

“Both of you are people, okay? All of us are. Roxas, you’re a person, Xion, you are too. Vanitas is, I am. The only reason I’ve been able to keep going is because I didn’t try to fight all of these feelings by myself. Not because I _exist_ , whatever you mean by that, but because I had people around me who cared about me. People who saw all the weight that was piling up and helped me hold some of it so that I could break pieces off and deal with them little by little.”

“Like making an Unversed,” Roxas mumbled, and the Ven that sat down next to him was beaming. It felt strange, recognizing that for once Vanitas was helping him to understand something rather than confusing him more. Even though he wasn’t there, was off doing something unknown in a place Roxas was more confident than ever that he shouldn’t enter, somehow Vanitas had given him a hand up.

That was definitely giving him more credit than he deserved, though.

“Exactly. Sure, you can’t push your feelings out the way Vanitas can, but that doesn’t mean other people can’t help you shoulder them.”

“Roxas, I’m sorry.” This time, Roxas made himself turn to look at her when she spoke. Xion’s eyes were red-rimmed, a sight that made his chest feel tight. It wasn’t fair, any of it. They all knew it. “I just… I don’t know what to do. I had these thoughts about what was going to happen, and they were all wrong. I thought that once I came back here, all this stuff would go away. For both of us, I thought that. But I don’t know who I am and… it scares me.”

Roxas leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. He didn’t know either. He didn’t know anything. As far as he was concerned, all of it could have been a fever dream from a normal person. A normal Roxas who lived a normal life, with no Heartless or Nobodies or Keyblades or any of it.

“Hey… so, it’s not exactly the same, but I think…” When Roxas looked up again, it was to see Ven pointing out toward the sky that stretched above the sea. Dawn was truly breaking now, a soft pink that faded to orange as it rose up from far beyond the water. It wasn’t the same as the sunset, but it was still something beautiful. “Well… I’m not exactly Axel, either. I can’t be him or bring him here, sorry. Maybe this is stupid, but… do you think that maybe, watching the sun coming up together, do you think that can be _our_ thing? Because we’re friends now, all of us.”

They were, of course.

“Sure, maybe we won’t do this every day. Getting up this early, I know I won’t be able to make Vanitas do that every day since he likes sleeping too much. And, definitely, we won’t get to do this part every day.”

Xion let out a small, puzzled noise. Ven was grinning again, pulling one knee up to his chest and pressing his cheek against it as he looked at them. “Do what part?”

Ven had known before either of them. The sound of the door to the shack opening behind them was quiet, but Roxas still heard it. When he turned enough to look at Vanitas it was to see him with his hands in his pockets, his chest completely bare, droplets of water glistening like gems on his skin and wetting his hair. He’d just come from the waterfall. Trailing after him was an Unversed, the blue pot he’d created before. And Vanitas’s expression was… smug. No, somewhat triumphant. Whatever he had been working on was done, and he was pleased with it.

“Vanitas _has_ been working pretty hard, you know.” Ven’s voice was a little teasing, but with a hint of pride as well.

“You make it seem like it was a genuine effort,” Vanitas drawled, settling down next to Ven. He swept his hair back with one hand, and the pot shot forward past him before curving around as if to present itself to Ven. Vanitas rolled his eyes at it. “Wrong.”

Spinning as if confused, the pot bounced up and down in place before hovering hesitantly to bob in front of himself and Xion instead. Staring straight ahead, Roxas considered the Unversed.

“It _was_ a genuine effort, you got up really early to do this. I won’t let you pretend otherwise just to look cool. He’s been working for hours, and he kept messing up and getting frustrated and he even got his clothes all filthy. Roxas, Xion, open it.” Vanitas clicked his tongue, but when Roxas glanced at him it was to see a hint of nervousness flash across his face. He wasn’t sure if that was what he’d actually seen. Something about the situation was making Roxas nervous, so it might have just been projection. Xion, seeming just as jittery, was leaning forward to take hold of the lip of the pot and pull it closer to them.

Roxas bit his lower lip, as if it would help banish the anxiety that was starting to build inside of him. What in the world had Vanitas been making? And it was for them as well, he was certain of it.

When Xion pulled the lid from that Unversed, what was revealed was unmistakable.

“You… made ice cream?” Roxas couldn’t believe what he was looking at. It was a far cry from the pale blue sea salt ice cream he was used to, but settled within that pot was undeniably a stack of ice cream bars. Looking just as stunned as he felt, Xion carefully took the first bar from the pot and stared at it.

“He made ice cream,” Ven confirmed delightedly, eliminating any doubt in Roxas’s mind that he was seeing things. Giving him an incredulous look, Xion handed him that ice cream bar. It was pure white, radiating a familiar chill even if it was certainly a different flavor from what he knew. Ice cream. How had Vanitas managed to make ice cream? Had Ven told him how much he and Xion missed it? How long had it taken to do? He had no idea how hard it was to make ice cream, but that only made it seem more unbelievable. Vanitas had woken up early and made ice cream for them, because ice cream was an important part of their lives. “They’re only that neat because he cut them, it was a real mess at first. But they really came out actually looking nice!”

“Our resources are pretty limited,” Vanitas admitted, and if he’d been nervous for a moment that was certainly gone. He seemed completely confident, as if his mood had been immensely bolstered by their reactions. Simply glancing between the ice cream bar and its creator, Roxas licked his lips. It had nothing to do with the frozen treat in his hand and everything to do with his sudden anxiety. For some reason, his heart was pounding. “I worked with what I had, can’t speak for quality. Don't know if you can even call it ice cream, it's not like there's cream in it. Ventus did offer some assistance.”

“All I did was take the sticks and sand them down so there’s no splinters,” Ven said easily. “It’s coconut mostly, it’s not like we really have a lot of options. But I think it tastes okay, I tried a little before it was really frozen. It might fall apart pretty fast, though. That Unversed is keeping it _really_ cold, but it won’t stay that way now that it’s open.”

“This is… amazing,” Xion managed, a massive understatement. Roxas didn’t know how to react or even think. “But why-”

“Friends are people who have ice cream together,” Vanitas said simply, echoing his own words as if they held all the answers. Ven reached out, pulling the pot over to claim a bar for himself. Once he’d done so, he let out an exasperated noise. “If that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes.”

“Vanitas, come on,” Ven muttered, and when Roxas looked at him it was to see an outright pout on his lips. Confused, Roxas looked at the bar in Ven’s hand. It seemed identical to the ones he and Xion were holding, and so he peered into the pot instead. Nothing seemed strange about that either, simply an empty container that waves of cold were pouring from.

Empty.

“You… only made three?” Roxas couldn’t understand it.

Vanitas, immediately, scoffed. He leaned forward to rest his arms on his raised knee, but the way his biceps tensed betrayed that the seemingly-casual action was anything but. Instead, he appeared defensive. Vanitas had made the ice cream because they’d wanted it, but did he not want any himself? Even though it was something he’d never had before, Vanitas had only made three bars.

“It’s going to melt,” Vanitas said, but from his expression he knew the topic wasn’t going to be abandoned. Letting out an irritated huff, Ven took a huge bite of that ice cream. There was nothing else to do, Roxas thought. Trying to come up with something to say, he brought his own bar to his lips.

The taste of coconut filled his mouth immediately, oddly sweet and not particularly smooth, still holding the unmistakable texture of the fruit itself. Though it couldn’t compare to sea salt and its unique and amazing combination of flavors, never in a million years would Roxas call what he’d just taken a bite of bad. It was just sweetened coconut, ground up and frozen, so of course it tasted good. Something simple. Next to him, Xion tried it herself.

“Oh…” When Roxas looked over, it was to see Xion pressing one hand to her cheek. “It’s sweet! This is incredible, but… Vanitas, why didn’t you…?”

Vanitas wasn’t looking at them, instead staring off at the rising sun. Unable to think of something else to do or say, Roxas took another bite. Coconut ice cream. It really wasn’t bad. It was good, but… “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” Ven sighed. “Don’t be so aloof.”

Suddenly, Roxas understood what was happening. Vanitas had made the ice cream for one reason alone, and that reason was…

“… you did this because you wanted us be friends with Ven?”

Vanitas’s silence was just as good as a “yes”. It was clear now what the truth of it was. Roxas didn’t think it was something as callous as Vanitas rejecting them. Rather, he thought that instead it was something a lot harder to stomach.

“Vanitas, do you really think they don’t wanna be friends with you?” Ven’s voice was low, but not so low that they couldn’t hear it. Vanitas shrugged almost imperceptibly, but as soon as Roxas thought that he realized that it hadn’t been a shrug at all. What Vanitas had just done was flinch, as if shying away from what Ven had just said to him.

Without another word, Ven took hold of Vanitas’s hand and pushed his ice cream bar into it. Vanitas didn’t say anything, just looking at the ice cream as if he wasn’t really seeing it. For some reason, Roxas found himself growing anxious at that sight. The chill coming from the Unversed still hovering in front of them seemed to be stronger.

“Vanitas,” Xion started, and though at first she’d sounded unsure and perhaps a little sad, when she continued it was in a more certain voice. “We’re already friends.”

With an expression that Roxas couldn’t identify, Vanitas looked past him at Xion. The way they stared at each other was terse, most of it from Vanitas’s end. Finally, Vanitas’s expression dropped into a squinting scowl. It made him look as if he’d stepped in something unpleasant, but it was unbelievably funny. Vanitas was flustered, Roxas realized with some delight. Even with the foulness of the look on his face, he very genuinely looked… Ven had been right about that from the start, alongside other things.

As it turned out, Vanitas really could be cute.

“Fine. Fine!” With that same unsavory expression on his face, Vanitas took a stubborn bite of the ice cream he’d spent the morning making. “Are you happy now?”

“I am!”

Not saying anything more, Xion, genuinely pleased by how things had turned out, looked toward the colorful sky once more. All of the tension that had been tightening his body finally drained out of him, and Roxas sighed quietly. Ice cream with friends. That was something that Axel had taught him about, something that…

 _They_ did.

Not Sora, not Kairi, but Roxas and Xion and Axel. And now, Ven and Vanitas. Something that had nothing to do with the people whose lives they’d been shaped by and shared, something that was solely them. Because there _were_ things that were solely them.

No one spoke after that, because everything that needed to be said had been said. Instead they watched the sunrise, Ven and Vanitas passing that ice cream bar between them as pink and orange and red slowly gave way to cloudless blue. Another day was starting, a day that Roxas knew would be softer, gentler than the night that was ending.

No matter who he was, now matter who he would become, he had this moment and all of the happiness that had come in his life that had brought him to it. He wouldn’t ever lose that. Taking a deep breath of that morning air, Roxas closed his eyes and smiled.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Time for a Ven chapter in which some stuff is discussed, a discovery is made, a coconut meets an unfortunate fate, and a gift is delivered. Right now I am trapped in place by my cat, who I don't want to disturb. I am very hungry, but he is very cute.
> 
> Thank you to everyone leaving comments! As you guys know, they're the only reason I post.

The fact that it had taken him so long to consider that there was food on the island was embarrassing. Staring up at the grove of coconut trees, Ven felt like a complete fool. There were dozens of them, in what he thought were varying stages of ripeness. Some were brown, some yellow, some in-between. After a long moment of considering what had been there from the start, Ven crouched to pick up one of the brown ones. It was covered in something tough, but a cautious rapping revealed it to be somewhat pliant. When he repeated the process with a yellow coconut, Ven found it to be more solid. They _were_ coconuts, he was sure.

The brown ones weren’t rotten. At least, he didn’t think they were. They were the ripe ones, weren’t they? But how to get one of them open to reveal the actual… nut? Fruit? Was a challenge to say the least. What was surrounding the coconut was like a second shell, but Ven knew the coconuts he had seen didn’t have that shell. There was crisp, sweet flesh surrounded by a hard exterior, but how to get past both barriers…

Glad that Vanitas was curled up on the warm sand fast asleep, Ventus climbed up onto the boulder that sat outside the cave and threw a brown coconut down onto it with all his might. What happened next, he should have expected. Rather than cracking in half – a thought that was far too optimistic – the coconut simply bounced off the rock with frightening speed. It shot off, spinning rapidly as it flew to hit one of the coconut trees. The loud bang that had come when it had hit the rock echoed around the cove, bouncing off the rock walls. As soon as that happened, Vanitas awakened with a start. Clearly disoriented, the other boy was immediately creating. What formed was a pair of Shoegazers, something that gave Ventus pause.

“Uh… sorry. That, that was me.” He said it lamely, unsure what else he could tell Vanitas. It had been him, though he hadn’t been trying to startle Vanitas out of sleep. A little guiltily, Ven hopped back down from the rock. Vanitas didn’t say anything, and only reached a hand out to the Unversed to recall them. “I was, um. Trying to open a coconut.”

Though he had pulled his emotions back in, Vanitas’s stare was blank. It made him uneasy, and Ven wondered if Vanitas had somehow created more Unversed when he wasn’t paying attention and banished them. He’d pushed something out, hadn’t he? Vanitas seemed to be a little empty, though he was thankfully conscious. Still, the reason he was saying nothing was clear.

Vanitas didn’t know what a coconut was.

Unbelievably uncomfortable and knowing that Vanitas could feel it, Ventus picked up the closest brown coconut and held it up as if to present it. Frowning, Vanitas held a hand out in a clear request for him to pass it over. Since he didn’t know what else to do, Ven tossed the coconut in a lazy arc for Vanitas to snatch out of the air. Once he’d done so, he simply examined it in obvious befuddlement.

“Why do you want to open it?”

“Because I think it’s been months since I’ve eaten something, and that’s food.” The way that Vanitas remained silent was honestly disconcerting. He was glancing back and forth between him and the coconut in his hands, puzzling over… what? The possibilities were enough to make Ven swallow hard. “Vanitas, do… do you not know what foo-”

“Of course I know what food is,” Vanitas snapped, before shaking his head as if to clear it. The muscles in his arms bulged as he squeezed the coconut, and Ven got the distinct impression that he was simply trying to break it open that way. It didn’t work, probably because of the thick husk surrounding the coconut. The word finally floated to the forefront of his mind. What was preventing them from getting to the actual nut was a husk. “You don’t _need_ to eat. You’re being sustained by that kid’s heart.”

Well, that made as much sense as any of it.

“Sure, I guess. I haven’t ever been hungry, at least. But it would be nice to eat something! I just don’t know how to get the husk off.” A coconut husk was a fibrous shell that surrounded the nut, or fruit, or whatever it technically was. Ventus wasn’t sure where he’d learned that, but he was fairly certain that was right. If he had a knife, he could probably cut it off. “That thing covering it, I’m not sure how to get it off. There’s a nut inside that you can crack open and eat. I don’t think we can just smash it open, the husk is kind of squishy…”

“Hm.” With no ceremony at all, Vanitas gripped one point of the oval and simply tore a strip of the husk off. It ripped with a loud noise almost like it was fabric, and Vanitas dropped it next to him before pulling another strip off and then a third. With that the entire husk had been removed, and Ven could only stare and try to calm his suddenly-racing heart. It had been so sudden, he didn’t know how to react in the slightest. “Now what?”

“U-uh. I mean, there’s… you have to crack the nut open. Okay, I don’t know. I’ve never opened a coconut before, I don’t know if there’s some specific way to-” Before he could finish his sentence, Vanitas slammed the side of his fist down onto the coconut and crushed it. In a single strike, Vanitas had shattered it open and splattered liquid all over the ground and his own hand. Ventus closed his mouth, embarrassed that it had fallen open in the first place. Vanitas turned a smug expression to him, as if he hadn’t all but destroyed the thing. “That’s not really right, don’t be so proud of yourself. You basically wasted all of it, I don’t think we can eat it like that.”

“I don’t want to eat it,” Vanitas replied, his mood not impacted in the slightest by his words. Ven supposed he should have expected that. More than really trying to help him, it seemed Vanitas had been viewing the coconut as a puzzle to be solved. Technically, he _had_ solved it. The coconut was open, even if it was essentially ruined.

“I’m pretty sure it’s all we have, sorry I can’t just grab something else from my pocket for you. Even if we don’t need to eat, I kind of miss it. Don’t you?”

“Can’t miss something I’ve never done.” Vanitas said it so casually, as if it wasn’t completely bewildering. For a few seconds, Vanitas surveyed him dully. He was expecting some kind of reply, but Ven couldn’t think of a single thing to say. “Please. I’ve never needed to eat.”

“ _How?_ ” Was Vanitas actually a human being? The idea that he wasn’t had occurred to Ven, but he’d dismissed it because it was absurd. Now though, it was flailing around in his mind. People needed to eat. If Vanitas didn’t eat, what had he been surviving on? “You’ve _never_ eaten?”

“Absolutely not. The negativity born with me has always been sufficient. I’m self-sustaining, because it never truly leaves me and makes me strong.” Though it made some degree of sense given that Ventus had no idea what negativity really was, the idea was still foreign and alarming. If negativity was truly what Vanitas expelled in those moments of uncontrolled emotion, then his words were clearly true. It never actually left, because each time it was forced out of him it soon returned. Seeping back in, that black ooze always vanished into Vanitas. “Even if it weren’t enough, if I lost too much of it I could theoretically draw on the darkness within other beings. I never truly needed to, but I almost did it anyway. Those women for instance, since I was curious as to whether or not I could utilize their envy and hatred. I almost siphoned off a bit of it, but I was able to replicate those emotions without doing so. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked the way I’d expected, I did reverse gears fairly quickly rather than trying to actively draw from them. The payoff wasn’t worth it, considering that it made me ill.”

“ _Which_ women?” Ven didn’t feel particularly ashamed to have no idea what Vanitas was talking about. Though he thought he’d probably been to every world that Vanitas had, it didn’t mean their experiences had always aligned. Vanitas shrugged at him, not particularly affected by his question. At least he wasn’t jumping to mock him – but Vanitas didn’t seem like he wanted to do things like that much anymore.

“I suppose you never met them then. The Unversed I created gravitated to them immediately once they began experiencing the same emotions I’d copied, which was something unexpected. That happened more than once, with some of the stronger ones. Either way, those women… you never ended up facing what I pulled from observing them, though I’d made those with the expectation that you would. No, maybe it was just a hope. Too optimistic, either way. Both of them were felled by your friends instead. That doesn’t really matter. They were a mistake, but an inevitable one. If it hadn’t been them, it would have been someone else surely. Someone experiencing such negative emotions, eventually I would have encountered another. Just ended up being them. It was the first time I’d witnessed such murderous intent in another person, and I couldn’t let the opportunity pass. I snatched it up, and immediately regretted it. Grasping another person’s emotions was sickening.”

“What? But you take in my emotions all the time, and I’ve never seen you get sick from that.” Was there something different in how Vanitas felt his feelings? He didn’t know how Vanitas could pull emotions from other people in the first place, much less if there were multiple ways of doing so. That was something only Vanitas could do, probably. Looking at someone who felt things, and being able to experience them as well… it was strange, but surely that was a kind of empathy. That they had been such foul emotions was a shame.

“Really, Ventus? We’re bound together in a way no other beings in all the worlds are. Our hearts remain linked, though it’s… a transfer, and not an exchange.” That still upset Vanitas, based on the faint flicker of his expression. Now that he understood Vanitas’s context, Ven didn’t think he could blame him. What connected their hearts was something Vanitas had cared deeply about, and the realization that it was something Ven hadn’t even known existed had to have stung. “Your feelings are unable to make me ill. They’re simply a part of me.”

“Yeah,” Ven replied after a moment, finally picking up a piece of the coconut he’d briefly forgotten about. He could probably just eat it, but biting into a chunk of coconut and gnawing the flesh from the shell felt stupid. Instead, he scraped a nail across it to try and part some of what was edible from what wasn’t. “If you feel them, they’re part of your heart too. You don’t feel everything I feel, right?”

“No.” The words “you idiot” didn’t follow, but Ventus felt their presence nonetheless. He got the feeling that Vanitas had intentionally held his tongue there, and was a little annoyed that he appreciated it. “It’s inconsistent, but what I experience is typically a strong emotion. Sometimes I grasp context, but that’s rarer.”

“Huh. Well, yeah… that makes sense.” Having managed to clumsily remove some of the white flesh from the coconut, Ven found himself paralyzed with sudden senseless anxiety at the thought of eating something in front of Vanitas. He had no idea why. It was food, and he’d wanted to eat it. There was no reason to be self-conscious. Vanitas looked down at the shattered coconut, giving Ven a split second to shove what he’d pried off into his mouth.

It was… definitely coconut. That was the only thing he could really think about it. It was coconut, and tasted like coconut. Setting the chunk down, Ventus pursed his lips. There had to be a more efficient way of getting the flesh off, but his hands were all he had besides maybe a seashell. They didn’t have anything like a knife, after all.

“It’s been a real pain,” Vanitas said coolly, fiddling with one of the coconut pieces. He wouldn’t eat it, Ven knew. Vanitas didn’t care enough to do that. In fact, Vanitas seemed particularly mellow that day. It was as if he’d simply tired himself out, unless he really had created more Unversed. “Your feelings are troublesome. They’re so random.”

“They are not!” Of course his feelings weren’t random. They didn’t simply happen for no reason. “You just don’t always know what’s going on around me to make me feel certain ways.”

“Hmph. I suppose that’s true.” Simply ceding the point, Vanitas turned his head quickly and got to his feet. He was staring out at the ocean with a strange intensity, enough that Ven shaded his eyes to look out as well. Though it was hard to see, there was certainly something there on the horizon. Standing as well, Ventus jogged down to the shore without even thinking about it. While he had no idea what it was, there was something out there far larger than the occasional chunk of driftwood that washed up on the sand.

“Vanitas, what is that?” Maybe Vanitas could make it out more easily than he could. The other boy was squinting as he made his way down to the water, and after a moment of clear thought he was making an Unversed. An Archraven seemed to lift from him, and with a remarkably dull expression Vanitas waved it forward. It was serving as a scout, making Ven wonder what Vanitas had made it out of. Not curiosity, that was for sure. Something that sought things out. Unfortunately, that could be any number of emotions.

“It’s a crate,” Vanitas said severely, crossing his arms over his chest. Ven wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t that. A crate of what? A little nervously, he took another step toward the gentle waves. If someone didn’t go get it, he thought perhaps the ocean currents would carry it somewhere else entirely. The sea seemed to stretch on forever, after all. “What are you doing?”

“We… should go grab it, shouldn’t we?”

“Perhaps. But you don’t want to, do you?” That was an understatement. The last thing Ven wanted to do was jump in the water. If he’d been able to wade out and just pull it in, that would have been fine. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. The crate was too far out for that. “Ventus, what are you so panicked about?”

“What do you _think_?” Ventus didn’t think he was panicked per se, but he was definitely rattled by the situation. Vanitas was considering him dully, not particularly invested. He really wasn’t completely present, Ven thought. There were definitely more Unversed around somewhere, and that was why Vanitas was so subdued. At some point when he hadn’t been around, Vanitas had created them and sent his emotions away. “I don’t know how strong the current is, I don’t want to get sucked in by the riptide.”

Vanitas shrugged before holding a hand up. The Archraven still circling above their heads began to break apart into a black haze, drawn back to its source. There was no reason for it to stay around, its surveillance completed. “It’s not as if you’d just drown.”

“Sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s harmless.” If he was pulled out, it could take hours or days to get back. Ven had no idea what existed beyond the waters immediately surrounding the island, and he wasn’t eager to find out. The idea of struggling against the ocean helplessly was unpalatable. Ventus stared at the distant shape that he knew was the crate, a square bobbing on the horizon. “I just think if we don’t get it, the water might carry it away and we’ll never know what’s in it.”

“It could just be junk.” Vanitas knew it wasn’t the case, of course. Things certainly didn’t happen randomly in this place. “Fine, I’ll get it.”

“What? Hey, were you even listening to me? The riptide, Vanitas.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Vanitas shot back, and what formed in the air above him was a massive pair of armored hands. Part of an Unversed pulled itself together from the haze, what he knew was only a third of a full creature. One piece of a unit, standing alone. What Vanitas had created were the arms of the Trinity Armor, and all Ventus could think to do was sit down and hug his knees at the stark reminder of what he had lost.

Terra and Aqua were somewhere else entirely, somewhere that he couldn’t reach. Would he ever see them again? Unwilling to face that question, Ven simply pressed his eyes against his kneecaps. Somewhere out there, out in the world, were his best friends. They were somewhere, and he was here. Maybe he would always be here.

They were safe, weren’t they? Because they were Terra and Aqua, they were safe. They’d won, and things had turned out okay. Ven wanted that to be the truth, because it was easier to lie to himself than to live staring directly at his own helplessness. Maybe that was it, the reason why Vanitas had told himself so many lies. Reality was too frightening, too filled with despair, and so they cloaked themselves in a barrier to hide from the truth.

The idea that Terra and Aqua had found him in a slumber that he couldn’t be roused from was…

A thud shook him from that, the sound of a crate hitting the beach knocking him from a moment of self-hatred. When Ventus looked up, it was to see what remained of the Unversed dissolving once more. Its absence shouldn’t have been as comforting as it was. Vanitas had banished it immediately, and from the faint lines between his eyes Ven thought he knew why.

“She was more capable than me,” Vanitas said finally, his voice flat. Somewhere, there were other Unversed… Ven wished that Vanitas would take them back in. Rather than speaking of something so sad, Ven wished that Vanitas would take his emotions back in and smile. “That’s why she won and I lost. Someone like that… if someone changed the course of the events that were set to play out, the person I would put my money on is her.”

“Do you really believe that, or are you just trying to make me feel better?”

Even if it would be a lie, he wished that Vanitas would smile.

“Can’t it be both?”

“So, what? Tell me the truth. Do you _actually_ think Aqua beat Xehanort and fixed things?”

Vanitas’s silence was a message in itself. Feeling his eyes filling with tears, Ven pressed his face against his knees again. The truth was… that Vanitas would never tell him a comforting lie.

“You were the one who said things weren’t hopeless.” The words were so quiet, but they seemed to echo in his head as soon as they fell from Vanitas’s lips. What he’d said to Vanitas was something he’d believed. For a moment, he’d forgotten and doubted. Raising his head, Ventus fixed his gaze on the boy who stood on the beach before him. Wood splintered as a plank was ripped from the crate, and he could think of nothing to say as Vanitas broke it open with steady hands.

They were still alive.

Standing without a word, Ven rubbed at his eyes to wipe away his tears before they could fall. Neither speaking, they simply looked into the crate to survey its contents. The only thing present was what appeared to be a heavy blanket, folded up neatly. The crate hadn’t been particularly big, but he couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. It wasn’t as if a blanket was a bad… gift? He supposed it was like a gift. As he lifted it out of the crate, Ventus studied the fabric in confusion. Vanitas, disinterested, looked back to the ocean as if to scan the horizon for something else. A single blanket…

It resembled the one that had been on his own bed, far away in the Land of Departure. In fact, it looked almost as if it was the same blanket. Heavier than Ven remembered, it was nonetheless the same design, the same fabric. This was almost exactly the same as what he had actually owned. In a neat square, his bedspread had for some reason arrived in a crate. This was for him, as if an answer to an idle desire he’d held. He’d wanted a blanket, and it had arrived.

Ven flipped it over to unfold, and caught a glimpse of something that didn’t match nestled within it. Holding his breath for some reason, Ven tugged the corners of the blanket away to reveal what had made it heavier, what had been held safe by it. What he pulled from that parcel made of memories was something entirely new.

“Vanitas,” Ven said quietly. And though Vanitas had been so empty until that moment, when his eyes lit upon what was in his hands they filled with sudden tears. He looked away immediately, but there was no way to hide what had spread across his face. This heart had given Ven something he had wanted, and Vanitas as well. “You should take it. It’s for you.”

“I don’t need that,” Vanitas mumbled, bringing his arm up to his face to cover his eyes. Though Vanitas wasn’t looking at him, Ven still shook his head. He hadn’t said it, but he knew what Vanitas had meant was something closer to “I don’t deserve it.” Ventus couldn’t agree with that. “I don’t want it.”

“I think you do. And, I think that I’m not the only one. It’s okay. We can’t go back to that time, and I don’t want to. I’m happy you’re here with me. So, come take this. It’s here because it _is_ what you want, isn’t it?”

He had been so empty, but Vanitas stood beside him and was real again. Even more than what rested in his hands, what Vanitas wanted was this. They couldn’t be one again, and that was okay. There were things they could share nonetheless. Vanitas understood that too, that the confirmation of it was what was being held out to him. This was now the truth, and it wasn’t something he wanted to hide from.

“You want to stay with me, don’t you? You don’t have to say anything. Just tell me – if that’s what you really want, just tell me. Just accept this, and keep it so we can’t forget.”

Though his fingers were trembling as he reached out, Vanitas took what had been given to him. It matched, that shirt. A perfect mirror to his own, black where his was white, white where his was black. Vanitas took it with unsteady hands, a gift that had come from an innocent heart. Real, solid, it was something that couldn’t be erased. The indelible proof that something had changed for the better was what Vanitas now gripped tight.

For a moment their fingers met, not nearly long enough. Not saying a word, Ventus reached out and caught those shaking hands in his own. Maybe it was stupid, but he didn’t care. It felt right, and that was what mattered. He’d hold on to Vanitas, the way he hadn’t all those years ago.

Though where it would lead Ven wasn’t sure, this was the start of something. Even if he didn’t know what, he was here and Vanitas was here. They were still alive, and that meant it wasn’t over. Whatever would happen next, they’d find out. The road opening before them was wide enough for two.

What Vanitas made in that moment was a Thornbite that bore no thorns, a flower that was as white as snow. Simply a rose that could inflict no harm in its embrace, it lifted its arms to coil around his hands that remained joined with Vanitas’s. It poured into him, a wave of warmth, what it was that filled Vanitas’s heart. Though he didn’t speak, what he had made conveyed a message that was so simple. Vanitas didn’t speak, but it didn’t keep what went unsaid from being understood.

“Thank you, for forgiving me.”

That genuine smile was, Ven thought, countless times more beautiful than a lie.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's time for some prime Roxas content! He's paying attention to some stuff. Maybe he shouldn't be paying so much attention to it. Also featuring Vanitas and Xion inventing a new game, Ventus trying to pretend he hates every part of it instead of just most of it, and the return of one of Vanitas's favorite things.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented so far! You are why I post.

“Harder!” Vanitas’s shout jolted him out of sleep, and Roxas sat up immediately. Xion wasn’t beside him, and so in his sleep he’d managed to shift to the center of the bed. There was a loud crack and then Vanitas was laughing in genuinely, if a little malicious, enjoyment. The frustrated groan that came after it was Ven, but that was quickly drowned out by a chorus of giggles from Xion. Rubbing his head, Roxas swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood.

There was a crate sitting in front of the bed, the top of it already pried up. Though it was still closed, it was more that the top had been dropped back in place. It was loose, and Roxas removed it with a confused frown. Within it was only one thing, but the sight of it had him sitting back down again.

Folded there at the bottom of that crate were his clothes, exactly as he remembered them.

Biting his lower lip, Roxas leaned forward and started to pull them out piece by piece. As he changed out of that black coat, he wondered what it was in Sora’s heart that did things like that. Certainly, Sora had no awareness of it. If he had, he’d have known that his heart was… fuller, than a heart was expected to be.

Probably, it was that Sora had a heart that cared so much for others that it would welcome them into it and shelter them.

Once he’d finished putting his shoes on, Roxas wandered out of the cave that had become his bedroom to see what all the fuss was about. The scene that was laid out in front of him was baffling to say the least. It took him a long moment to process everything he was seeing. Vanitas, shirtless and gleaming with sweat, standing with a low stance as if expecting a strike, was surrounded by… what had to be almost a dozen broken coconuts. Roxas couldn’t be entirely sure, because some of the pieces were amazingly small. The sand was damp around him, flakes of what was certainly coconut meat scattered all around him. It was stuck to his skin as well, making Roxas wonder if Vanitas was actually sweating at all or if he was simply covered in coconut water. Either way, what had collected on him was making his skin sparkle and shine, running in rivulets that highlighted the definition of his muscles.

“Again!”

As he took in the stunning sight of Vanitas, Xion, in the corner of his eye, wound up and threw. Vanitas’s eyes lit up in that moment. His body tensed as he jumped, drew one arm back, and…

The crack that sounded as Vanitas’s fist collided with the coconut and shattered it was what he’d heard before. Coconut water splattered everywhere, drenching Vanitas’s arm and chest, but he was laughing before he’d even landed again. Shaking his hand out, Vanitas rolled his shoulder back with a satisfied smirk and returned to the spot he’d started at. Roxas found himself swallowing nervously, something fluttering queasily in his stomach. Had he really just watched Vanitas punch a coconut to pieces?

“Better.” After saying that, Vanitas’s gaze locked immediately onto him. It made Roxas even more nervous, having those yellow eyes piercing into his. After an agonizingly-long moment that had certainly only been a second, Vanitas nodded and turned back to what he was doing.

“Oh, Roxas! Those _were_ your clothes, I thought so. And there’s more pillows too, I don’t know if you noticed.” He hadn’t, stupidly. It was certainly already on the bed, and he hadn’t noticed. Xion looked as if she would drop the coconut she was holding for a moment, but didn’t actually go through with it. Grinning, she instead tossed it in the air and caught it again. It was the way a coconut was supposed to be, Roxas thought, rather than what they’d been grappling with that first night. Both of them had undeniably been coconuts, but he wasn’t certain why the two were so different. “Did we wake you?”

“… Sort of? What are you…”

“Hi Roxas,” Ven sighed, and it wasn’t until then that he realized Ven had been sitting on the tall, squarish rock that sat near the cave’s entrance. He had his legs crossed and was leaning forward, an exasperated but resigned expression on his face. Out of the splash zone, Roxas thought. Unlike Vanitas, Ven was fully dressed. “You found the crate alright, then. They’ve been doing this for probably twenty minutes.”

“What would you prefer we do, Ventus?” Vanitas picked up a coconut chunk, tossing it in a lazy arc up to Ven. More likely, it was _at_ Ven. Yet again, the specifics of their relationship seemed to be veering into casual violence. Ven swatted the piece out of the air before it could reach him, and Vanitas seemed delighted by that. “Come spar with me, Ventus.”

“No way. You’re nasty, if I punched you my fist would stick. Wash that off already.”

Roxas wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed that Ven had rejected the request. After the tussle he’d already seen, he was both curious and concerned at the idea of the pair sparring. Would it be more or less brutal than that scene he’d witnessed on the beach? At the very least, he thought it would be more disciplined.

Was coconut water sticky?

“Stingy. Husk me another coconut, will you?” The sight of Vanitas bringing one arm up to his mouth to lick away the coconut water there made Roxas uncomfortable in some deep, profound way. He wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t much different from licking ice cream from his fingers. Maybe it was the fact that there was possibly sand mixed in with that water. Roxas didn’t know what it meant to husk a coconut.

“No, I’m done! You’re just wasting them showing off.”

“They grow back and you know it. In days, even. I’m _sick_ of coconuts, Ventus. At least let me bust a few of them up.” Though Ven’s face wasn’t turned to him, Roxas was certain that the other boy was rolling his eyes. It seemed like Vanitas was probably right, but that didn’t make Ven any more amicable toward the request. Instead, he let his legs dangle off the rock and watched as Vanitas brushed tiny chunks of coconut off his right arm, then his left. Once he’d done that, Vanitas turned his attention back to Xion. “Fine, fine. Last one, then. Make it count, Xion.”

Grinning, Xion glanced back at him before tossing the coconut again. Roxas brought one hand to his mouth as he considered this. This was his warning, he thought before backing up a little. The last thing he wanted was to get coconut on his new clothes. Old clothes, really, but new to Sora’s heart. Surely that was why Vanitas had ditched so much of his own clothing – to protect it from the mess he was making.

“Okay, ready?”

“Have I ever not been?” Xion laughed at that, and even Ven snorted quietly. Exasperated or not, it seemed that at least a part of Ven was enjoying the event. Roxas found himself smiling as well as Xion wound up and took aim. Even though he still had no idea why they were doing what they were doing, they were definitely having fun with it.

Vanitas had dropped back into his crouch, his eyes fixed on the soon-to-be-fired projectile. Knowing he looked stupid just standing there, Roxas nevertheless couldn’t think of anything else to do with himself but watch. All thought seemed to abruptly leave his mind as Xion let loose, the coconut shooting forward, glee flashing across Vanitas’s face. Like before, Vanitas visibly tensed as he prepared for the strike, his stomach muscles tightening in the split second before he launched himself forward.

That direct strike and the crack that immediately followed it were both incredible to witness. Vanitas’s punch had been perfectly directed. More than splitting the coconut, he seemed to explode it into tiny shards. Thinking back to how hard he’d tried to simply get a coconut open in the first place, Roxas couldn’t imagine how much power Vanitas had just effortlessly unleashed. As the debris splattered wetly against Vanitas’s pale skin, Roxas shut his mouth. He wasn’t certain when it had fallen open.

Unable to come up with anything to say, Roxas looked to Ven just in time to see him jumping down from the rock.

“Okay, we get it, you punch real good.” Ven was clearly used to this kind of thing. Roxas wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to it. Beaming, Xion hurried over to them. She’d really been enjoying herself, Roxas thought. He wasn’t sure why. It seemed dangerous to throw things at Vanitas, even if he too seemed like he’d been having fun. “Seriously, you’re gross! Go wash that off, I said.”

Roxas wasn’t sure what Ven had expected as a response, but what he got was Vanitas appearing directly behind him and catching him in what had to be an uncomfortably-damp embrace. His resulting, wordless shout was completely indignant, and Vanitas grinned maniacally even as he was elbowed in the face. For a moment they only grappled with each other, Ven trying and failing to get purchase on Vanitas’s slick, shimmering skin. Vanitas’s arms tightened around Ven’s middle, pinning his arms to his sides even as Ven writhed and kicked at his legs. Clearly annoyed, Ven faded out of sight to escape Vanitas’s hold. That only seemed to please Vanitas more, at least until Ven reappeared several feet in the air and dropped onto his neck and shoulders like a lead weight. Vanitas outright buckled under the strike, his stance widening and the muscles in his thighs tensing enough that they could be seen against the fabric of his pants. In a wild reversal of what had happened seconds before, now it was Ven wrapped around Vanitas.

Even so, as soon as he realized what was happening Vanitas grinned again.

“Have I upset you, Ventus?”

Ven’s legs seemed to tighten their grip on Vanitas’s neck, and as he leaned forward Ven took two huge fistfuls of Vanitas’s hair to yank. Though he didn’t say anything, it seemed undeniable that a truthful answer would be assent. It certainly looked like Ven detested Vanitas in that moment. Roxas wasn’t sure how to feel about it, how Vanitas was blatantly enjoying himself. On one hand, the thing Vanitas was enjoying was irritating Ven. On the other, it was strangely nice to see Vanitas excited and having fun.

Without any ceremony Vanitas grabbed Ven’s ankles and bent backwards, slamming him against the beach with an incredible amount of force.

Xion took a few steps forward, before visibly reconsidering it. Roxas couldn’t blame her. It seemed dangerous to interfere with what was going on, even if she couldn’t get physically hurt. Instead of trying to get involved, Xion instead edged around the scuffle – Ven had managed to roll himself over _around_ Vanitas’s head, practically sitting on his throat – to reach Roxas. In a voice that could barely be heard over the repeated thumping of Ven and Vanitas each hitting the ground in turn as they rolled together, Xion muttered to him, “Is this going to keep happening?”

“I think so,” Roxas mumbled back, not taking his eyes off the scene. Vanitas was on top of Ven now, clearly doing everything he could to smear as much coconut onto Ven as possible. Ven was growing red in the face, kicking his legs uselessly as Vanitas pressed his body against Ven’s. “Uh…”

“Ugh, enough already!” As soon as Ven said the words, an outright whirlwind started to form around their bodies. It was Ven creating it, Roxas realized immediately. Though it didn’t seem quite like the gusts he’d been able to make, Ven was using magic to rip Vanitas off him. Either way, it answered the question Xion had asked him before. Magic was possible in this place. Roxas didn’t know if what Ven had just done was dangerous, but the fact that Ven had done it made him think it wasn’t.

Vanitas tumbled away with a grunt, and the hand he brought forward was streaking flames behind it. Though the fireball forming around his fingers looked powerful, Vanitas paused instead of firing it at Ven the way he clearly had been intending. It fizzled out instead, and Vanitas scoffed and sat back to stare at Ven. The idea of Vanitas launching a fully-powered spell at Ven seemed messed up, but what Ven had done himself seemed messed up as well.

“You wanna fight, Ventus?” Vanitas growled the question out, his face scrunched up in a grimace as Ven sat up and considered his now-filthy clothing. The coconut had been one thing, but he was covered in sand as well. Scowling, Ven stuck his tongue out.

“If you’re gonna keep doing stuff like that, I might have to! Ugh, look what you did to my shirt.”

“Thought clothes could be washed, Ventus. Besides, the sand’s your own fault, you could have just left instead of trying to punch me in the head.” Xion took in a hissing breath at that, and Ven’s head whipped around to look at her. Vanitas snorted, clearly recognizing that Xion’s intake had been because she agreed. Roxas had to admit to himself that he did as well. Of course, the situation was primarily one of Vanitas’s instigation. But Ven had turned it into a brawl, brief as it had been, and so he was responsible for at least a little of what was now coating his body. “See, they’re both on my side.”

Ven’s snort, unlike Vanitas’s, was out of indignation. He didn’t seem particularly embarrassed, just annoyed. “Whatever, you still started it!”

Roxas nodded immediately at that, because that too was undeniable. Shared responsibility for the sand or not, what had just happened was mostly Vanitas’s fault. But that sulking expression on Ven’s face was something he couldn’t help laughing at. Xion was covering her mouth as well, and though Ven obviously felt betrayed by their laughter, Vanitas was just as obviously ecstatic about it. His eyes seemed to sparkle as he got to his feet, but Ven pointedly ignored the hand Vanitas extended to him to help him up.

“Sorry Ven,” Xion giggled, but her hand was rejected as well. Roxas scratched the back of his neck, knowing that if he offered he’d just be the third to be turned down. Tame as the situation was, Ven was mad at every one of them.

“You’d prefer clean clothes, then?” Vanitas’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. Ven leveled a withering glare at him, as if furious at the mere question. For a reason Roxas couldn’t put his finger on, he didn’t think Vanitas’s words were innocent in nature.

“Of course I would! You’re the worst, doing something-” Ven’s eyes widened a split second before Vanitas hit him, a crackling black bolt of electricity that visibly stunned him. Without any ceremony, Vanitas picked Ven up and tucked him under his arm, taking advantage of that moment where Ven could do nothing. He took off immediately, making a beeline to the shore. Roxas realized it too late, breaking out into a useless run as Vanitas prepared to do what he was coming to understand was a uniquely Vanitas act. It was too late to prevent it, but he was dashing forward nonetheless. He knew, Ven knew, but there was no way to stop it now.

By the time Ven had recovered enough to struggle, he was already being tossed.

“ _Vani_ -”

The rest of Ven’s shout was lost as the water closed over his head.

Roxas covered his face with both hands, heaving a sigh. When he lowered them again, it was to see Xion had made her way over as well and was actually closer to the water than he was. Though he couldn’t see her expression, it was clear from the slope of her shoulders that she was exhausted by this. Vanitas turned to face them, his expression smug. He’d thrown Ven hard, hard enough that he hadn’t landed in the shallows even though Vanitas had stopped with the water barely to his shins.

Ven surfaced again a few seconds later, sputtering out water and outright tripping over himself. Groaning, he abandoned the idea of standing and simply crawled to the shore. Vanitas, not looking at Ven, didn’t see it when Ven’s face twisted up in a malicious grin. Roxas felt his mouth fall open, but there was yet again no time to do anything.

It had been an act, Ven feigning weakness. The way Vanitas’s expression turned alarmed as Ven’s hand latched around his ankle was actually pretty funny. Less than a second later, his foot was being yanked out from under him. To Vanitas’s credit, he didn’t simply hit the sand and instead got his hands up in time to keep from smashing his face against the beach. But Ven was dragging him backwards into the ocean, still beaming. Vanitas kicked out with his free leg, twisting his body to try and escape Ven’s grip. That was to no avail, and both of them vanished beneath the waves in a massive splash.

“You’ve _gotta_ be kidding me,” Xion sighed, and Roxas ran a hand through his hair. This was Ven and Vanitas’s daily life, it seemed. Had they been like this for ten years? Surely not, because it had taken a long time for them to reach this point of comfort with one another.

Roxas wasn’t entirely certain it _was_ comfort. They both enjoyed tormenting each other, and he had no idea why. Even with those scattered moments that had made him truly believe they cared for one another, it seemed like they had to hate each other. Why else would they like fighting so much?

Despite how clear the water was, the cloud of bubbles that exploded from their bodies made it impossible to truly see what they were doing. All he could really make out was that they were grappling again, face to face, sinking to the sea floor. Both of them were kicking their legs, not enough to actually go anywhere except down, doing nothing but rolling together. They weren’t out particularly far, so it didn’t take long before there was nowhere left to fall to. Still…

Ven and Vanitas had been underwater an awfully long time, Roxas thought.

Did they need to breathe? Ven had said he didn’t think they did. It didn’t make sense to think they did, because their bodies were simply projections without the needs of genuine flesh. But he’d been winded before, and Xion had as well. Was it simply that they didn’t have the ability to exceed their limitations as people with real bodies?

“Xion, do you think… this is okay?”

“I don’t know,” Xion replied nervously. If they needed to breathe, what would happen if they ran out of air? Would they simply pass out and not wake up until pulled to the open air, or was it more dangerous than that? Roxas took a few steps forward, pausing at the edge of the water.

The pair were in motion again. Ven had stopped doing… whatever he’d been doing, and began to drag Vanitas by the wrist along with him as he kicked his way back to the surface. Once both of them had broken it, Roxas saw that they were flushed a brilliant crimson. Ven’s immediate gasp told him that despite how little sense it made, they definitely needed to breathe. Though Vanitas didn’t seem as desperate for air, he certainly was panting as well. Both of them were simply catching their breath, treading water with no indication that they wanted to return to shore. They weren’t even looking towards it, simply staring at each other. Ven was turned away, leaving his expression a mystery, but the look on Vanitas’s face…

There was a strange queasy feeling somewhere in his stomach. Roxas didn’t know if he liked it, the intensity of the stare Vanitas was directing at Ven. Somehow, it felt dangerous and harmless all at once. It was as if Vanitas was seeking something from Ven, but Roxas couldn’t tell what it was. His heart was starting to beat faster, thumping with uncertainty. A fight? Vanitas’s stare was demanding. Not knowing what Ven thought of it or what Vanitas wanted, Roxas only watched as Vanitas dove back below the waves and sped off farther from shore.

Without a second’s hesitation or a word to them, Ven was chasing after him. Roxas wished he knew why, what they wanted, what they were doing. But they were almost out of sight now, Ven catching up quickly. The shadows of their forms melded together into one blurry shape, and then Roxas could see nothing more.

“I don’t…” Xion’s words trailed off, and when he looked at her it was to see frustrated confusion written plainly across her face. That feeling was something he related to so much that it made him want to just rest his forehead on her shoulder and sigh in annoyance.

“I really don’t get it,” Roxas complained, and Xion nodded. That was what she’d been starting to say, of course. Because neither of them got it. Ven and Vanitas were fighting, but they weren’t angry with each other anymore. That was what it seemed like. Ven was pursuing, but not because of what Vanitas had done.

He could have understood it if it were something tame, like the light elbowing he, Axel, and Xion had occasionally dipped into. This was entirely different. Ven and Vanitas _fought_ , their fists flying, even turning magic on each other. And stranger yet, they enjoyed it.

“Do you think it’s because they’re the same person? It’s hard for them to get along because they’re too much alike? No… they’re not really that much alike, are they.”

“They aren’t. They don’t feel like the same person either, not like the way I feel like Sora. They’re… that’s not right. I was going to say, “they’re not on the same wavelength”, but…”

“They are. They really are. It’s just that…”

“Once you start thinking about it, they seem a lot alike. Not like they're the same person, just a lot alike. But on the surface they’re totally different, right? So it… so…” Barely noticing his words trailing off, he only concentrated on what was suddenly within him. Something was… Roxas stared up at the sky, scanning it as his heart started to beat faster. There was something, something he could almost see or feel but couldn’t touch. Even then, he knew what it was, closing his eyes and breathing deep.

“Roxas, are you okay…?” It took a few seconds before Xion’s words sank in, and he opened his eyes again to give her a smile that he was sure seemed awkward. She was clearly concerned, which made Roxas think his expression wasn’t as reassuring as he’d hoped. How could he explain what he’d suddenly known?

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” That wasn’t helpful, Roxas thought, but it wasn’t wrong. He was better than fine. Despite the fact that nothing tangible had happened, his chest was warm. She was so close by, somewhere just out of sight. “I just, uh… I didn’t really explain this. It’s gonna sound weird, but, I felt Naminé.”

At that Xion looked around almost frantically, not realizing what he meant but automatically believing his words. “Where? Roxas, I-”

“Sorry, I mean… She’s not here, she’s… in Kairi’s heart I guess, the way we’re here. But I felt her, for just a second. Kairi must be with Sora.” Roxas took a few steps forward, considering the beach in front of him. He wondered if in Kairi’s heart, an island like theirs existed as well. Maybe it was somewhere else entirely. It didn’t matter, Roxas thought. For just a moment, he’d felt Naminé's presence. “I’m sure she is.”

“I… don’t get it, Roxas.” Frowning, Roxas looked back to Xion. He didn’t think it was confusing, but maybe it was. “I didn’t feel anything. You said she was in Kairi’s heart, so I don’t know how you could be…”

“I think, maybe, it’s because I’m Sora and you’re… not.” _Was_ Xion Sora? She was made up of memories of Kairi, but they were still Sora’s memories. Xion had said it herself – she was Sora, they both believed that. But Xion had also said she was him. But _he_ was also Sora as well as himself. That was way too much to try and figure out, because it would mean Xion was three people. Sora, Xion, himself… that was definitely too many people to be one person. And where did that leave Ven and Vanitas? Shaking his head, Roxas pushed those thoughts away. “I mean, not the way that… never mind. I said it already, didn’t I? That, uh…”

“When Sora looks at Kairi, Naminé is there too.” She was, wasn’t she? Unable to be seen or heard, but still so near. He hoped she could feel them, the beats of his heart. “That’s it, right?”

“Yeah… Something like that, I think. I don’t know how I expected it to go, seeing her. But, she’s out there with Kairi.” Roxas scratched his cheek with one finger, finding he had nothing else to say. Instead, he looked back out at the sea. Ven and Vanitas had completely disappeared from sight, and whether or not they were still in the water he didn’t know. Just like Sora and Kairi, wherever they’d gone they were together. Even if it had come from Sora, it was still echoing within him. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“It is. All of this is.”

How did their hearts connect? That was a question he couldn’t answer. Ven’s heart and Vanitas’s heart, his heart and Naminé's heart, Sora’s heart and Kairi’s heart. How did they connect? What was it that linked hearts together?

Roxas thought he might like to find out.

“I think I can live with that.”

Ven returned cheerful, but alone. Roxas decided he would ask another day.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody here is a meatier Ventus chapter. If you're unfamiliar with the mobile game, some parts of this may (will) be confusing to you. A lot of the stuff revolving around negativity as a concept is stuff I just made up, but at the very least it's internally-consistent and I spent some time creating the rules.
> 
> As always, your comments are what keep me posting!

“Just tell me when you did it,” Ven begged, tugging at Vanitas’s arm. The other boy was so smug, it was almost infuriating. Acceptance and validation may have mellowed him out severely, but he could still be unbelievably annoying when he was so gleeful. This was one of those moments – Vanitas had carefully extracted the nails from the remnants of that crate and was recycling it into something else entirely.

Tiny as it was, Vanitas had made a shelf. Two, really – two “legs”, and two shelves attached to them. A shelving unit, he supposed. Why, Ven didn’t know. When, Ven especially didn’t know. They spent most of each day together, so how was it that Vanitas had found the time to start building something? Each day he woke up to find Vanitas asleep beside him, and each night they curled up under that blanket together. So where had Vanitas found the time to make a dumb shelf?

“I’m sure you can figure it out on your own,” Vanitas replied, immensely pleased by his reactions. Ventus couldn’t help being frustrated by it. What was that supposed to mean? When sunset came, both of them grew drowsy like clockwork. It wasn’t as if Vanitas was…

Sighing, Ven crouched to hold his head in his hands. It was a stupid revelation, really. The only other option was that Vanitas had just sent Unversed off to do it, and that seemed even stupider. Vanitas was proud of himself in a way that was honestly obnoxious enough to make him want to shove him.

“Were you getting up in the middle of the night to _build a shelf?_ ”

“Knew you could do it.”

“Oh, thanks a lot! Why’d you make a shelf, huh?” What Vanitas pushed toward him was a Red Hot Chili, grinning that same gleeful grin. At least, it was the grin that Vanitas _had_ been grinning. Now, it only existed on the face of the Unversed he’d created. Ventus wasn’t sure whether or not he was glad, because now Vanitas was vaguely frowning instead.

After a few seconds of complete silence, Vanitas took the Unversed back and was fully awake again.

“Too much,” he mumbled, looking at his hands. What he’d just made was the embodiment of Vanitas’s malicious glee, Ven thought. And to it, Vanitas had given… too much of himself. That was what he did, when an emotion grew strong. Funneling it out, keeping it safely tucked away.

Vanitas was trying, really. He was having trouble with it, because he’d become afraid of the consequences of bottling everything up. Bursting, becoming toxic, becoming someone that it wasn’t safe to be around. Now, Vanitas cared about that.

With a frown that had grown intense, Vanitas held his hands out. Unversed poured from him like grains of sand, all the same kind. The chill that raised bumps up his arms, on the back of his neck, Ven wasn’t sure if it was the swarm of Blue Sea Salt or the yawning chasm that Vanitas had suddenly become. Radiating an unspeakable emptiness, he was…

Pulling everything back in, save one. The last one he had created remained, wobbling and spinning in the air, and Vanitas reached out to it with a satisfied little grunt. What he’d done, Ventus could see. Understanding it was another matter entirely. Noticing his puzzled stare, Vanitas absorbed that Unversed as well.

“Okay, can you explain?”

Vanitas held one hand out, palm up. There, an Unversed formed once more – a Red Hot Chili again, though Ven didn’t think Vanitas was feeling particularly mirthful. It twirled and bounced, spitting a tiny ball of fire into the air.

“Too much,” Vanitas repeated, clearly going somewhere with it. Him pulling it back in only served to make Ven more confused, though. With empty hands extended, Vanitas continued. “Not enough.”

Blue Sea Salt, and understanding. Vanitas was hesitating, wanting to speak but not sure if what he would say was the truth. He was waiting, hoping for Ven to fill in the blank instead.

Though it was cold to the touch and worried at him with faint uncertainty, Ventus still reached out and brought the Unversed closer. What he’d done before had been letting too much out. Not doing anything at all wasn’t enough. This was…

“Just right, huh?”

“… maybe.” Vanitas, somewhat flustered, didn’t meet his eyes. It was a rare sight, one that he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before. Vanitas was embarrassed, but not ashamed. With a wide grin spreading across his face, Ven bundled Vanitas’s creation up in his arms and ignored all of what spilled out from it.

“How long have you been figuring this out?”

Vanitas scoffed immediately, his cheeks flushing and betraying his attempt at indifference. This was something he’d been practicing, probably in the middle of the night when he could sneak off. It was why he had seemed more alert recently, something Ventus had somewhat attributed to a sense of relief or comfort before. Maybe it was that as well.

“I don’t need to sleep the way you do,” Vanitas said finally, making him frown. That couldn’t be right. Even more than him, Vanitas had slept like a log. Every time he was particularly upset, whenever he burst, he simply lost consciousness for hours and hours and sometimes days. Ven didn’t know what Vanitas was saying to him, and only squinted in confusion. “Don’t give me that look. You sleep as much as you do because you’re still recovering from shattering your own heart.”

“Yours shattered too!” Maybe a day would come when the reminder of what happened didn’t sting. Vanitas shrugged at him, and thankfully the calmness of his reaction wasn’t because he’d vented everything out. He was just… not particularly affected by the line of discussion. It didn’t upset him, Ventus realized. Having lost didn’t upset him. “And you used to sleep most of the day away!”

“I’ve recovered more than you have.” Vanitas extended one finger, pressing it against the rim of the Unversed in his arms. Ven scowled, focusing on those words. There was no way that could be right.

“What? Why?” _He_ was the one who had been stronger, hadn’t he?

“It’s not as if this is the first time. My heart being damaged almost to the point of no return… well, we’ve already been there. Even back then, it was the same. I kept walking. You…” Vanitas trailed off, looking at him. Not looking him in the eye, not looking at what he was holding on to, what Vanitas was staring at was something far more powerful and far more fragile. Ventus could feel it still beating in his chest, his heart that had been broken.

“Needed help,” Ven finished quietly. He had needed help, both times. Back then, at the start, Vanitas had been okay on his own… no, but that hadn’t been true at all. Having no one truly beside him had been what had almost doomed Vanitas. “I don’t remember what happened. Someone’s voice called out to me.”

“His.” Vanitas didn’t need to elaborate more than that. They both knew, though they had no name for the person whose heart had reached out. They didn’t know his name. One day Ventus thought it would be nice to meet him and find out, a boy who would bear a familiar face. Hopefully, that face… both of those faces would be smiling. For now Vanitas reached out, and drew his emotion back inside. “I still wonder about it.”

“About what?” The idea that Vanitas might not have understood what had happened had never occurred to him. But he knew why his face had changed, even more than Ven himself had. Maybe Vanitas understood it better than he did.

“If he hadn’t saved you, and you’d simply vanished… what would have become of me?”

“We’re not the same, Vanitas.” If he hadn’t survived it, Vanitas would have kept walking. Wasn’t that the truth? A whole had been cracked into two, but what existed hadn’t been evenly divided. Some of it was gone, the life they’d had. But from that moment on, they had been two separate beings. “It’s not like you would have lost-”

“Back then I was nothing,” Vanitas said bluntly, taking him aback. “My life immediately after my birth, as your heart’s struggling grew weaker still… I had no identity. I was an empty husk, just a bundle of emotions running wild and nothing else. Without you to define my existence, maybe I would have disappeared as well. At that point, everything hung in the balance of you. I had no purpose, my role had yet to be assigned to me. It was a waiting game. If you had died perhaps I would have been disposed of, the master’s hands wiped clean of a failed experiment.”

An experiment. Vanitas was probably right about that. Having had his heart ripped in half, having been betrayed in such an unspeakable way, it probably really had been Xehanort acting in curiosity once his initial plan was proven not viable. Xehanort didn’t think of them as people, just tools at his disposal.

If he had died, Xehanort would have deemed the experiment a failure. Maybe he would have salvaged his materials, or maybe he would have destroyed what remained. He couldn’t say, because the way Xehanort thought was something he simply couldn’t understand. An empty husk… was that really what Vanitas had been?

“I bore the strength you had lost. At least, that was how I thought of it once there was enough in me to think of anything at all beyond what I was told. Obeying out of reflex was all I did for… how long? It’s a blur, mostly. Days, sure. Weeks, maybe. It didn’t stop my feelings from coming, I just didn’t know what to do with them. Then you connected with his heart and we both stabilized.” Vanitas wasn’t really thinking over what he wanted to say. It was coming out as it sprang to mind without being dwelt upon. Ventus held his tongue and all the questions that sprang to _his_ mind. If Vanitas rambled on it would be troubling, but he would learn a lot from it. “Things began to return to me eventually, some of what had been scattered. That was probably when things began to change. I never spoke a word of that to the master. Hiding it was the only way to… What I remembered, maybe he would have taken it away. It was incompatible with what had been decided for me, but I didn’t want to give it up again.”

“Do you really think that was something he would have been able to do?”

“Yes. Can you blame me? He was capable of rupturing a heart in the first place, tearing out a few memories was nothing compared to that. I’d still function without them.” Ripping out memories from someone’s heart. That was a terrifying thought. The memories he had with Terra and Aqua were something Ven would rather die than lose. Without those memories, he might as well be dead. Without those memories, he wouldn’t be “him” at all. In a hesitant voice that held no hope and only tired resignation, Vanitas asked a single question. “Ventus, will you tell me who Ephemer is?”

Ephemer!

With just that name, everything seemed to be okay. His heart was so _full_ , his heart was light and warm, fluttering giddily. Ephemer! Ephemer was someone precious. Ephemer was someone so important, so dear to him that his heart was singing at just that one word. Ephemer was… _Ephemer_ was…

Someone Ven couldn’t remember.

“I… wish I could.” Ven looked at his hands that he thought had touched Ephemer’s a long time ago. Someone who had been dear to him. Having lost those memories, the “Ventus” that had existed so long ago was nothing but a ghost. “I don’t remember who he is either.”

“He.”

“Right…” That was all he knew. Ephemer, Ephemer was a boy he had once known. Someone who he had treasured enough that even the “him” who had forgotten felt joy at the sound of his name. Ephemer and “Ventus” and the others, all five of them had been… what? Who? Ven didn’t know. Vanitas didn’t know.

That life was lost and forgotten.

“The other three?”

“… sorry.”

“The masters… no, not them either. And the book. You have nothing, none of that.” Anything he said would only disappoint Vanitas. Some of what had left Ven’s heart lived in Vanitas now, but far more of it had been lost altogether. The trauma of having his heart torn apart, surely it was that moment that was to blame for how Ven remembered nothing of who he used to be.

Who _they_ used to be, Ventus reminded himself. The existence that had fallen apart, it had belonged to both of them. That information was something he didn’t know what to do with. Ephemer, the others, the masters, the book of… of… something that he no longer remembered. Everyone he had known, that first friend who “Ventus” had perhaps once loved, all of them were now gone without a trace.

“I don’t. Even though it was my life, I don’t remember any of it. I don’t know where I came from, what world I was born on, I don’t even know my own birthday. Isn’t that messed up? None of it’s left.” Vanitas’s expression was pained, lined with anger, and what he released was a single, massive Unversed. At the sight of the Buckle Bruiser forming next to them, Ven sighed. This was what? He held a hand out, because once his fingers found that creature he would know.

What filled him was less subdued than he’d been hoping. Vanitas’s feelings, measuring them out more sensibly, that was a work in progress. Couldn’t he simply get it together already? Couldn’t Vanitas just be normal for once, instead of being absurd and unstable and dangerous? Even though the boy’s heart had given him something so special, Vanitas was so stupid that he didn’t wear the shirt and instead tucked it in the blanket at all times. He was a disaster. Everything was a disaster, making his heartbeat pound louder and faster and louder and faster. There was nothing _fair_ about this world, was there? Their entire past was gone like it had never existed, everything they’d cared about was gone, and Ven curled his hand into a fist. If he simply crushed-

Vanitas’s fingers pulled his hand from the Unversed, and the anger that had been pouring into him faded away. Once it had, all of what belonged to him came rushing back. Sorrow, loss, despair… what had touched Ven’s heart in that moment had been forcing away those feelings. The anger that Vanitas shaped into that Unversed, it was concentrated. It had a purpose. If he was angry, if he was filled with fury and hatred, then everything else that raged inside of him couldn’t get past that wall and cut into his heart.

Ventus looked at the shields that had battered him so many times, and finally understood what they were truly for.

Though Vanitas didn’t meet his eyes, he didn’t let go.

“Do you decide?” The things that Vanitas created, what part did he play in them?

“Decide what,” Vanitas mumbled, knowing exactly what he meant. “No. Maybe subconsciously, but probably not. If it was subconscious, I’d be able to consciously alter it. It’s not like I think, “I want to make this”, and then create it. An emotion is sparked. I reject it, and empty some of what exists within me out alongside it. I don’t choose what it looks like.”

“Vanitas, is negativity the same thing as darkness?” Ven didn’t think it was. But with so little that he understood, he simply couldn’t say. What poured from Vanitas was dark, but that didn’t mean it was actually darkness.

“No. I don’t know what it is, not really. But it’s different from the darkness that dwells within me. I just call it negativity, a “minus” state, an energy that’s… foul, tainted, in nature. I know where it came from, sure. I already told you, the nature of my own negativity.” Finally realizing he was holding Vanitas’s hand, Ven let go quickly. Vanitas didn’t say anything in response to that, simply narrowing his eyes. Obviously, Vanitas didn’t understand that there was something to be embarrassed by. It wasn’t as if he was trying to comfort Vanitas, so holding his hand was just… “Whatever it truly is, it takes tangible form. No one else can do that, just me. My Unversed are beings of darkness, but primarily beings of negativity. That negativity and my own emotions, they’re drawn to one another. Where my emotions come to reside, my negativity will follow. You’ve realized it, haven’t you?”

“The stuff that comes out of you, you can’t get rid of it for good.” Ventus had realized it. What lived inside of Vanitas was sheer, undiluted negativity. Dangerous, painful, it was something damaging to a heart. It followed his emotions, and so Vanitas banished them so that the negativity tearing into him would go with them.

“I can’t. It’s part of me. I may force it out, shape it into other things, but it’s only a… temporary separation. These,” Vanitas reached out to rest one hand on the Buckle Bruiser, his expression immediately darkening before he drew his fingers back, “Can’t permanently exist. I may imbue them with the power of darkness and feed into them parts of my own being, but with no hearts or minds of their own they’ll eventually run out of energy and dissolve. They can’t sustain themselves infinitely on darkness, because something with no heart can’t produce its own darkness. It runs out, that which their bodies are comprised of. And since they contain my negativity without sharing it, they can’t utilize its power. They break down in time, if they aren’t destroyed. If their emotional source vanishes and the line is severed, if that feeling’s echoes that remain within me cease to be or are wiped out by a contradicting emotion, they dissolve immediately. Either way, it’s the same. My negativity will return.”

“Does… does it _hurt_ to have that inside of you?” What Ventus had touched had been corrosive, burning the skin he didn’t have. With Vanitas, that didn’t seem to be the case. If he were constantly being worn down by it over the course of years, there wouldn’t have been anything left of him. But Vanitas was right there in front of him.

“It’s something my heart produces. Somehow it never runs out, so I must still be creating it… maybe. But it’s fine. I contain it.” Vanitas wasn’t saying it reluctantly, and was being quite forthcoming even if his words weren’t exactly easy to understand. But there was something unsaid, and it was that something that Vanitas was steering the conversation away from. It was also something that Vanitas had to know he couldn’t simply avoid.

He hadn’t answered the question.

“Vanitas, I know you’re not being honest.”

“Fine. It hurts when I can’t contain it, which is why I expel it until I can bear it again. It’s disgusting and I hate it. It’s disgraceful and humiliating. I channel it into the Unversed hoping to prevent it. Happy?”

“No, I’m not. I think it’s awful that something like that happens to you.” There wasn’t much point in hiding that. Vanitas already knew it, and that was why he hadn’t wanted to say it in the first place. But something being painful didn’t make it go away. They’d both learned that all too well by now. “If it came from what happened to us, why did it only stay with you and why does it hurt me?”

“Like I know. Might have been because I was the one created and you were simply altered. It’s still toxic to me once my heart isn’t strong enough to keep it under control. Once my emotional state is… unstable, things become less predictable. At least that’s what I…” Though Vanitas was creating a second Unversed, he wasn’t radiating that emptiness that Ven had grown unfortunately accustomed to. The Chrono Twister was fairly docile, like what had come before it. Vanitas’s feelings were docile, even though they had been pushed out. Beginning to reach out to touch it, Ven thought better of it when Vanitas frowned. “Why do you keep doing that? You can’t like taking them in.”

“Can you blame me for wanting to know what you’re feeling? It’s not like you’re just telling me what they mean. This way I can understand.” Explaining an emotion, it seemed like something unbelievably difficult. How would he start? Touching an Unversed and experiencing it for himself, that was a way of learning directly. “Unless you want to tell me what everything means, or explain how you feel. But I don’t think you do.”

“I don’t,” Vanitas said sharply, upset at the mere idea. Part of him was gone, funneled out into the Unversed he’d made. Most of him was still there, more than enough to not like the topic of discussion. “You don’t need to-”

“I thought you _wanted_ me to feel your feelings. Wasn’t that what was upsetting you before? That I couldn’t do that. Like this, I can.”

The sound he was hearing was Vanitas grinding his teeth. That was an ugly sound, one that seemed to echo in his mind and send chills down his spine. Ventus found himself scowling automatically, but it didn’t make Vanitas stop doing it. “They’re unpleasant. Why do you think I got rid of them in the first place?”

Of course Vanitas had wanted to get rid of his painful emotions. Ven wondered what had come first, if Vanitas had known from the start that pushing his emotions out would divert some of the negativity that burned at his heart. Probably not. One day, perhaps, it had just become too much to bear and he’d… what? Instinctively rejected his feelings and some of what was inside him? And then, with relief had come an unnatural calmness, because so much of his being had been rejected. That moment was different. “Vanitas, why aren’t you really empty right now?”

“What?” A split second after asking, Vanitas held a hand up as if to tell him to hold his tongue. “No, I understand. The ratio of what remains and what leaves is growing more skewed.”

“The rati- what? So what you’re saying is, there’s more. You have more emotions inside of you, because you got… because I upset you?”

“No,” Vanitas said, and it was blatantly a lie. Though Ventus knew the other boy wasn’t genuinely getting a headache, he rubbed the bridge of his nose nonetheless. They both knew how obvious that lie was, it seemed. “No… yes. Fine, yes. A heightened emotional state. I don’t know. I just feel. It overflows, more comes. I push it out. Things become easier.”

“You mean you become emptier. No, but right now that’s not happening. Right now, you… overflowed. Overflowed, that means you’re more than full and had to let some out. Isn’t that right? And some of the negativity went with it, but you’re still awake and you.” Finally, Ventus thought he understood something fundamental. What Vanitas pushed out that made him empty, it really was his emotions. The negativity, maybe that had nothing to do with how he became hollow. Though things had gotten confusing, it seemed like what he’d thought was the case in the first place really was the truth. “This happens because you get too _full_ , that’s why it all explodes. You can’t keep everything inside because no one’s meant to have that much. I don’t think you feel things the way I feel things. Of course you can’t keep it all inside, it’s too much.”

“It’s because my heart is weak,” Vanitas said, but it was unsure. He’d believed it until that moment, but Vanitas no longer knew if it was really the truth. It wasn’t. Having borne those feelings for so long, Vanitas’s heart was unbelievably strong. He’d lost back then for a reason, but it didn’t mean Vanitas was weak.

“Do you think my heart is weak?”

“Of course not.” That was a harsh reply, Vanitas almost snapping at him. It was exactly what Ven had been hoping to hear, and he could only smile. Even though it clearly bewildered Vanitas, Ven simply grinned.

“Vanitas, I thought this already but… when you were exploding like that, it was overwhelming. For me, it was too much. Even though it was only what you were letting out and it wasn’t everything, _I_ couldn’t handle it.” Twiddling his thumbs, Ventus sighed a relieved sigh. Finally grasping it, it was such a heaviness being lifted from him. Though he didn’t know why, Vanitas’s feelings were too intense for one person to hold inside. Rejecting them, it was a defense mechanism he’d developed without understanding what was happening to him. “It’s too much for a single person. I think… isn’t it what’s inside? In your heart, what you’re always fighting to keep from hurting you. That’s it, isn’t it? It makes your feelings so strong. When I touched it, my feelings were too much for me.”

Vanitas said nothing, running the idea over in his mind. That had to be it. Though it was dangerous and tried to tear him apart, the negativity inside of Vanitas… it was a power source. Not needing to eat, not needing to sleep the way he did, it was because Vanitas had something unique fueling him and his emotions even more than his own darkness. It enhanced them to the point where they couldn’t be contained. Once they were clouding his mind and consuming him, he could no longer hold the negative energy in check and was scalded by it. A double-edged sword hung within Vanitas, eager to cut into him but giving him an inhuman power. The center of Vanitas’s being was emotion, feelings. That was what filled him, such powerful emotions that were too much for a heart to bear.

And maybe, Vanitas was too full because he was carrying the weight of more than a single person’s feelings.

“Don’t you think that the fact that you’ve been able to carry that means you’re strong?”

Still silent, Vanitas got to his feet and picked up what he had built with his own two hands. The Unversed he’d made followed him, and with a frustrated snort Ven got to his feet as well. For whatever reason, Vanitas was just carrying his shelf to the shack where they slept at night. He set it down against the wall there, picking up the blanket that sat on the floor. As he unfolded it again, finally Ven realized why Vanitas had made the shelf.

With painstaking care Vanitas placed his shirt on it, safe and sound. Because it was precious to him, Vanitas had wanted a place to put it. It was a little silly. Something important, wasn’t it better to keep it close to him and wear it?

As if sensing his thoughts, Vanitas turned a flustered expression to him. Ventus thought that the look on Vanitas’s face was something he could get used to easily. This was a good expression, and he liked the sight of it. Reluctantly, Vanitas spoke the answer to an unsaid question. “I don’t… want it to get dirty.”

“It doesn’t matter if it gets dirty. That’s what clothes are for. Even if it gets dirty we can just wash it. Sand, something like that can just get brushed off. Mud can get washed out, salt can get washed out. So wear it.”

“This is why I made the shelf,” Vanitas muttered, looking at it and its contents with an expression that was twisted up. “If I don’t put this there, then what is it for? There’s no point to it. It has no purpose and I wasted my time.”

“Vanitas, sometimes… things don’t fill the role someone picked out for them.”

Both of them knew that what he spoke of wasn’t a shelf sitting on the ground.

“Far from subtle, Ventus.”

“Well, I _do_ have to make sure you understand what I’m saying!” There wasn’t a lot that they had on this island, in this place. A shelf really wasn’t going to get much use, Ventus thought. But there were things they owned still. Reaching into his pocket, Ven pulled them out one by one. Four shells, a familiar shape. He laid them down on the top shelf in a line, finishing with the one that had been punctured. Then, grinning, Ven looked to Vanitas again. “See? It’s not useless, even if it isn’t what you planned on. It’s still good exactly the way it is. So put your shirt on, okay?”

“I’m not a piece of furniture,” Vanitas grumbled, but no matter how hard he tried to hide it with a scowl he was smiling. His cheeks were flushing a rosy pink as he averted his eyes, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. This Vanitas was someone who Ven thought he could certainly cherish, because he already did. Something inside of him had changed, just as much as Vanitas had changed.

Even with the circumstances, Ventus thought that they could find joy in little things. Vanitas, flustered and blushing, was definitely one of them for him. It was a feeling Ven wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced before, the genuine, comfortably nervous glee that filled him at the sight of Vanitas in that moment.

“Don’t look.” Vanitas muttered it, seeming as if he wanted to simply cover his face and hide away. If this was going to be a regular occurrence, Ven would delight in every single day. “Ventus, don’t stare at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like… I don’t know, but I don’t like it.”

“Okay, but make me a promise! I’ll turn around, but only if you swear you’re gonna put the shirt on.” He really had embarrassed Vanitas. The other boy was practically radiating self-consciousness. Though his hair and what remained of his mask covered them up, Ven was sure Vanitas was red all the way to his ears.

“Fine, I will! Just go away!”

Now that the sorrows of their lives had faded away a little, Ventus really could appreciate the fact that Vanitas could be pretty cute.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here's a very short chapter! However, immediately after this will be a very large chapter so overall what's coming is something like 8000+ words. So with that in mind, here's a Xion chapter for the first time in quite a while. From about this point on, Xion's chapters will be much more common and hopefully longer - I don't keep a close eye on wordcount while writing, so it's usually only when I copy the chapters over to post that I realize how long or short they are. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy Xion trying to figure out what Vanitas is doing with his life.
> 
> As always, thank you for your comments!

“Hey, where are Roxas and Ven?” Vanitas looked up at her from his position, sitting on the edge of the dock as he often was. In his hands were a “knife” and a long plank of wood that Xion thought had to have been cut from one of the crates that had washed up on shore. There were several others lined up behind him, covering the dock. “Uh… What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? Surely you can figure out that much.” Vanitas turned away again, his eyebrows furrowed. He was concentrating on it, whatever he was making. “I have no idea where Roxas is, he _is_ his own person. Ventus is too.”

That phrasing was so strange. It seemed to her that no one in this place was their own person, not entirely. “I don’t know if I believe that.”

Vanitas stiffened, before fully turning around to look at her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I think you do know where Ven is.” Though it was just a feeling, Xion thought that feelings were what really mattered where they were. Feelings and memories, because feelings and memories were what hearts were made of. “Because, you’re smart. And you feel the things that Ven feels, don’t you? So when you put those things together…”

“Roxas told you, then. Well, doesn’t matter. It’s not like I told him to keep it a-”

“Roxas didn’t tell me anything like that.” That was the truth, then. Both what she was saying and what she had just said were the truth. Probably, Vanitas had explained something to Roxas that he hadn’t relayed to her just yet. “What did you tell him?”

“You already figured it out, didn’t you?” Xion wasn’t sure if she liked that Vanitas expected her to be smart enough to piece things together. Even if she was certain that she was right, it didn’t feel good to be laughed at if she was wrong. Somehow, it really didn’t feel like it was that Vanitas had faith in her. “You’re right, I do sometimes feel what Ventus feels. And sure, I could theoretically use that information to figure out where he is and what he’s doing. I haven’t done that, though. I’m not currently experiencing Ventus’s emotions, anyway. Did you think I’d lie to you?”

“Yes,” Xion said immediately, and Vanitas scowled. “Is that wrong?”

“I don’t lie to people. Joking, sure. Sarcasm, sure. Outright lying… I refuse. There’s nothing to be gained from it, not in here. On top of that, even if I were to lie Ventus would out me soon enough. I haven’t lied to you and I haven’t lied to Roxas. I don’t lie to Ventus. Lying about the things that matter, it’s no good.” Somehow, it really made sense to hear from him. As she continued to think that over, Xion sat on the steps to the dock. Vanitas was going back to his work, squaring off the end of one of the planks of wood. “If you need them, you’re better off looking yourself.”

“Hmm… no, I think I’m okay. Don’t you get lonely when you go off by yourself?”

“I’m physically incapable of being alone.” As he said that, Vanitas brushed a few wood shavings off the dock and into the water, before setting the plank down and taking another. He was evening them out so that they were all the same length, Xion thought. The wood spread out across the dock was from more than one crate. “You’re much the same.”

“Okay… I don’t get it.” She didn’t, so there was no point in lying. That much they had in common, she thought. Roxas would probably protest it, but Xion got the distinct feeling that she had a lot in common with Vanitas, far more than she did with Ven. Maybe that was why she felt most drawn to him, or maybe it was because Ven felt so much like Roxas sometimes that she already had the vague feeling that she knew him. “I don’t feel someone else’s feelings the way you do with Ven.”

“Not what I mean. We’re in Sora’s heart. No matter where we go on this island, we’re in contact with another person. We are never really alone.” Vanitas eyed the plank for a moment, before setting it down next to a shorter one. He looked over the line of wood, assessing what was there. “Seven. Tsk.”

“You need more than that.”

“Correct.”

“I’d still feel lonely by myself.”

Vanitas squinted at her, as if annoyed that she’d caught him. Grinning, Xion reached out to run a finger down the plank nearest to her. He said nothing, simply lined up two planks before making a notch in the longer one. Measuring, it seemed.

“You thought you’d gotten away with it, huh?” Scoffing, Vanitas leaned back, placed a hand over his stomach, and seemed to tug an Unversed from his body. The creature he pulled from himself was a blue, humanoid figure that wouldn’t quite reach her shoulder if she’d stood next to it. Whatever emotion it was, Vanitas was using it to collect the planks instead of getting up and doing it himself. Though, perhaps he _was_ doing it himself. “You don’t lie, but you don’t actually answer questions either. You just dodge them. If the person you’re talking to gets the wrong idea, I’d say that’s lying!”

(Had she lied to Roxas? Making it seem like it was all to do with Sora… But it was for the best, wasn’t it?) A thought was pushed aside as too hard to stomach.

“Technicality. It’s not like I’m obligated to be forthcoming about everything. I’m sure you aren’t always eager to do so either.” Vanitas waved a hand dismissively, before taking the stack of planks from his creation’s clawed hands. He set them down again, clearly checking the evenness of his measurements. Xion still wasn’t sure what it was that he was making, but she thought she’d be able to figure it out if Vanitas kept working. “You’re way more perceptive than Roxas, I’ll give you that.”

“Heehee, am I?” The words did make her a little happy. Even if they were more a dig at Roxas, Xion thought that it was funny either way. “Don’t think I didn’t notice! You _do_ get lonely, don’t you? You’re able to be lonely.”

Not looking at her, Vanitas held a hand out palm-up. In it a swirling image formed, an image of somewhere else, a place she didn’t know. A rocky, almost desert-like region, surrounded by cliffs and swept by distant cyclones. All of that, Xion ignored. The setting was just that – a setting. The truth of the image, the soundless video that Vanitas was showing her, was… himself.

It was Vanitas, though he looked little like the Vanitas who was sitting before her. His body was smaller, skinnier, his clothing different. Only the mask made her certain, because _everything_ else was different. A dark suit that seemed somehow familiar, but that she had no true memory of. He sat there, trembling on the ground in that desert, and held his hands out to no one and nothing. But the dark haze of energy that lifted off him told her what it was, why Vanitas was showing her this moment. From his extended hands, Unversed were rising. The Unversed she’d seen on that first day, choking the air. A Vanitas from the past created them, and wrapped his arms around himself, and was alone.

Loneliness.

How long ago had the reality of that moment been?

The Vanitas creating the image said nothing, and the picture in the palm of his hand fizzled into nothing as well. Instead of speaking, Vanitas produced a real Unversed, the one she’d just seen a memory of. Only one. One was more than enough.

“I know you can get lonely,” Xion said quietly, reaching out to touch the jellyfish that was aimlessly bobbing in the air between them. It was painfully cold, a chill that seemed to cut right through her. Shivering, Xion pulled her hand back again to warm her fingers. It didn’t hurt. But feelings could hurt her, if she wasn’t careful. “So I don’t understand. Why is it that you go off on your own so much?”

“I have my reasons.” Something else was forming behind Vanitas, something she couldn’t see. The only thing Xion could catch a glimpse of was something that resembled a black ribbon, puddling next to Vanitas before winding around him. Vanitas had his reasons, and something he was feeling had to be vented out. “It’s a bed frame.”

“Huh?” The words meant nothing for a moment, serving only to confuse her. What was Vanitas talking about? A bed frame certainly had nothing to do with his reasons for isolating himself with such frequency.

“You asked what I was making, don’t tell me you’re that forgetful.”

“You’re really vague, you know that?” Vanitas seemed pleased by her response. It made her want to find another coconut to hurl at him, this time not for fun. Somehow, Xion thought she understood why Ven was so quick to fight with him. Whether or not they truly cared for each other, it was obvious that Vanitas enjoyed frustrating Ven. Now it seemed that he enjoyed frustrating her as well, and certainly Roxas. “How was I supposed to know when you changed the topic so fast? It didn’t make any sense.”

“Perhaps. But you didn’t figure it out earlier, so I’m telling you.” Abruptly, the last piece clicked into place in her mind. Vanitas was making a third bed because, unlike what he shared with Ven, the one in the cave wasn’t big enough for two. “It’s going to have to wait, of course. No mattress, first off. I need at least one more crate, since I’ve set most of the wood aside. I need glue for that, and I don’t have enough. Without glue, I’ll just end up with something ugly and bulky.”

“Uh… for what?” It seemed like what he had in front of him wasn’t Vanitas’s priority, then. Until he had glue, he could only turn his attention to another project. Probably, a bed frame only needed nails. Xion wasn’t certain of that, though. Vanitas clearly knew far more about making things than she did. Just by his phrasing, it seemed like a bed was something he could make without it.

For a moment, Vanitas only stared dully at her. Then, finally, pointedly, he spoke.

“A _door_.”


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miscalculated how long this chapter was, so when you toss it together with the prior one it's about 10k words. Cool stuff! I'm bad at math. Here's Roxas and Ven having a big ol' chat about the past, and a bunch of people who don't have all the info trying to figure things out. They get some right, but it's like trying to figure out the series without playing half the games. Good luck!

“I don’t know what to think of it,” Ven said, letting his legs dangle from that ledge. The door that led from the cove was behind them, the beach stretching out before them. Roxas took in the words, and nodded. It wasn’t like he was any different. What could he possibly think of it, the fact that Ven’s heart had been with him for a year with neither of them knowing anything of it? “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I had a lot of time to do that. But now that I’m back here…”

“It’s weird. I feel weird when I remember it. I never knew you were there, I never had any idea.”

“How would you? If you don’t know what having a heart feels like – I don’t know if I know what a heart feels like, actually. Sure, I’m not like you and Xion. Vanitas too, there was… Well, Vanitas is sort of in-between, I think…” Ven trailed off at that, as if he was truly considering his own words. Vanitas seemed like he was in-between more than just that. A person and a fragment, someone with a heart and someone without one, a person and a Heartless. Was Vanitas’s heart his own, or borrowed… stolen, perhaps, the way the body that had once been “him” had been? Roxas couldn’t say. Because of the reality of Ven and Vanitas, their shared existence, he couldn’t say one of them was the rightful owner of the whole, unbroken heart they had once been. Who was the true “Ventus”? Were they both? “Anyway, I always knew I had a heart, sure. That was something I didn’t really think about, maybe I took it for granted because I’d never heard of anyone who didn’t have one. But I couldn’t look at myself and say, “This part is what having a heart feels like.” Because all of it is just me, always has been.”

“There’s too much, I think.” It was easy to be honest with Ven, probably because Ven was so easygoing himself. The only time he wasn’t was when Vanitas was baiting him, but if he really thought about it Roxas knew that Vanitas was very frequently doing so. As time went on, Vanitas’s actions had quickly narrowed in on that singular pattern of trying to irritate Ven enough to fight. Those tender moments between them, more and more, seemed to be the anomaly. Their typical reality was that vitriolic exchange, raised voices and fists, rolling together in the dirt. “… it was hard, though, wasn’t it?”

Ven fell silent for a moment, knowing exactly what he meant by the question. Inside him Ven had been alone, just as Vanitas had remained alone within Sora. Even if they’d determined that Ven’s resting place hadn’t been within the depths of his newborn heart, Ven had nonetheless been all by himself.

“I woke up,” he said finally, turning his head to stare off at the ocean. “Before I came back here. I don’t… know where I was, or why I woke up. But I did, and it felt… bad. No, not bad, but… it wasn’t a good feeling. This feeling of… needing to do something, maybe. Sort of urgent, maybe. Like there was something so, so close that I needed to get to. I don’t know what it was, or why I felt that way. I opened my eyes and all I could see was white. It wasn’t somewhere I’d ever been before, I don’t think. But there was something familiar, almost a feeling. White walls, white floors, people’s voices… your voice, I didn’t get that at the time… and then nothing.”

Roxas remembered it abruptly, the sharp, agonizing pain that had clouded his mind. He’d stumbled there, buckling under the weight of a wave of images – memories, that hadn’t belonged to him. Sora’s memories, spilling into his mind. But among those memories, there had been something else. A feeling of something pulling him, beyond just his desperation to find Xion. There had been something urging him onward on that day, and Roxas thought that he finally understood what it was.

“You saw Castle Oblivion.”

It had been Ven’s heart awakening, flooding his mind and body with feelings that didn’t belong.

“Huh?”

“That was what it was. It was Castle Oblivion, the Organization’s research facility. I wonder why… When I went there, I felt wrong. I was looking for Xion, she’d gone missing.” No, run away. That was what she’d done. She had never been missing. She’d just run away from them, both himself and Axel. Even understanding the facts of it, Roxas couldn’t understand what Xion had felt. More than he had ever been, Xion had been lost in a way he could never truly comprehend. Worse, he thought there were still parts she hadn’t told him. There were parts he didn’t feel like he’d told her either. “I don’t really remember what happened. All I really remember was opening the doors, and then a little while later I woke up in Twilight Town. Axel must have brought me out, but I don’t know what happened to me or why I fell asleep. There was just this feeling that I was so close to reaching something, to figuring something out, but… that feeling is all I really remember.”

When he looked at Ven, the other boy’s expression was terse. His brow had furrowed, deep in thought. Ven was seriously considering his words, trying to piece together the meaning in them. “I don’t get it. You’re right, I’m sure you’re right. It’s just, Castle Oblivion doesn’t mean anything to me. The name, I don’t recognize it. It isn’t a world I’ve ever been to, I don’t think. But if it was that time, the first time I woke up, then I… had to have been there before. Because it felt familiar, it felt like a place I knew. Maybe it was from a long, long time ago. That time I forgot, before Vanitas was here. Not _here-_ here. I mean, before he was him. I forgot all of that, so maybe Castle Oblivion is a place I forgot too.”

“There was something there. I wish I knew what it was. I didn’t know anything, and…” Roxas laughed, looking down at his hands. “I still don’t feel like I really know anything, sometimes. I have to talk to Xion more, there’s stuff that I don’t think has sunk in yet. But, when I think back, what was happening had to be Sora’s memories pouring into me. Because I heard Riku’s voice… That feeling, though, that wasn’t mine.”

“That one was from me, I guess. Sorry, it must have been confusing. I sort of remember it, but I don’t. Just a lot of white, and that feeling that I absolutely needed to do something right away.”

“Right, that was it. There was something I… well, you. That _is_ confusing. We?”

“If you were feeling what I was feeling, then “we” seems about right. If you felt it, it was yours too.” That felt strange. If anyone was meant to be a “we” with Ven, it should have been Vanitas. They were a unit, because they were the same person. Even if Ven had immediately backtracked on that notion and didn’t believe it, weren’t they the same person? In the same way that he was Sora, Ven and Vanitas were one and the same. Though it didn’t feel right, it had to be true. “We were… there was something we had to get to, maybe. Something…”

“It was definitely something like that, something close, something… urgent. I guess I couldn’t handle them, your feelings I mean. But maybe it was Sora’s memories, or maybe it was both. The feeling was yours, but the memories were mine. Sora’s. But, mine.”

“Are you really sure about that?” Ven was as good at throwing a wrench in his thoughts as Vanitas was. Whether that was good or bad, Roxas couldn’t say. Every time he thought he had a tenuous grasp of his reality, one of them was casually tripping him up. “Ah, I really don’t get how Nobodies work. It’s a lot like me and Vanitas – we used to fit together, and you… your body, I guess… used to fit together with Sora’s heart. But we don’t really match up anymore, do we?”

“I did,” Roxas said slowly, even though he wasn’t certain that was the truth. His body had slotted back into place, encasing the heart it was born with. But was that “him”? “I’m here because I did, because I went back to where I belonged. I belong here, don’t I? Xion and I belong here, because we’re Sora, Sora’s memories are ours, us.”

Though it seemed like Ven wanted to say something about that, he didn’t. Ven didn’t know what to say. Finally, he glanced back to the door behind them and sighed. “Me and Vanitas, we don’t fit together anymore. We _can’t_ ever go back to being just Ventus, probably. Vanitas grew into someone who isn’t Ventus, even though our hearts started off as the same one. He was the one who stopped being Ventus, ended up with a different face and body. Like flipping a coin. It could have been either of us, but it was him. I don’t… No, but…”

Ven’s interlaced fingers seemed to tighten, and his jaw clenched. Thinking about something unpleasant, Ven nonetheless turned to look at him.

“Vanitas still wants to go back to being us, I think. One us. No, that’s not right. He doesn’t _want_ to, the idea is actually awful to him. Because if we did, maybe both of us would stop existing and become someone else, the person we used to be. And we wouldn’t be able to be “us” as two people anymore. What we have would go away. I don’t want that, because it’s scary. He doesn’t want it either, he likes being him. But the truth of it is that sometimes, Vanitas feels like he’s wrong. Like him existing is wrong. I don’t… know if he still does it, because of how I…” Now, Ven simply looked miserable. Not knowing what to say, Roxas kept his mouth closed and simply listened. It was hard. That was a feeling he shared with Vanitas, Roxas thought. A feeling of wanting to go back, though… it wasn’t quite right. Wistfulness, missing what had once been. A complicated mixture of feelings with no solid form. Ven had abandoned his sentence, and now began another. “He used to really hate it, having a face that didn’t belong to him. It tore him up inside, and you know? I don’t blame him for that. If my face had changed one day, I don’t think I’d ever have gotten over it. Vanitas did, though. He accepted it.”

It was something that had never occurred to him. Vanitas had once shared his face, Ven’s face, because he had once been Ven. Why did he look the way he did now, like Sora? “Ven, why doesn’t Vanitas look like you?”

“… I don’t really know. Even when he was born, he didn’t look like me. He didn’t look the way he does now either, his face was… blank.”

Those words only made him think of Xion. She looked like Kairi, because Sora’s memories of Kairi had shaped her. What had she looked like before those memories had entered her? A Replica, but of who? What did a puppet look like, before it became a person? Ven was still speaking.

“One day it wasn’t, and he was just devastated by that. That was before I went to the Land of Departure, and I don’t remember it. I barely remember meeting Terra and Aqua, I don’t know if my heart was strong enough to even make memories or feel anything. One day he had someone else’s face. I used to wonder about it, if it really did happen because Sora’s heart helped mine. That has to be the answer, that’s what he thinks too, but I don’t have any proof. My heart says it’s the truth, so I just accept that.”

“There’s no way for him to stop looking like Sora?”

“He doesn’t really _want_ to change, I don’t think. After so long, he got used to it. Things are complicated, so sometimes Vanitas hates it. But he’s sort of… embraced it, maybe. It’s proof that we’re different now. The face Vanitas has is his. Sure, it’s from Sora, but it’s Vanitas. It’s something that happened because we became parts that couldn’t fit together anymore. He likes that.” Something seemed to occur to Ven in that moment, and he grinned in a way that was faintly nervous. “I messed things up a little, though. If you think of it like puzzle pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle… maybe if I drew it that would make more sense. But, if we used to be a single piece that was cut into two with all these interlocking parts, now we’re two whole pieces that only have a few parts that match up. I accidentally… well, it was on purpose. Sorry, that’s confusing, I’m not being really clear. When… the things that, when Sora was…”

“When Sora became a Heartless,” Roxas said quietly, and Ven nodded with that miserable expression once more.

“… More like, when he changed back. Vanitas got hurt, really really badly. Because he was… Isn’t it stupid how unfair things can get? Even though it was the most selfless, good thing Vanitas had ever done, the only reward he got for it was almost being destroyed. I don’t wanna talk about that part.” He wanted to tell Ven to forget about it, but the fact that Ven hadn’t outright changed the topic said he felt like he could say at least a little about it. Still, it was too unclear. Vanitas had done something, but what it was Ven hadn’t really said. “It’s complicated, I don’t know how to explain it, I don’t understand what happened or how Sora went back to normal. However it happened, that hurt Vanitas and I did something that… Terra and Aqua are going to be really upset with me for. I don’t know how I’m going to tell them what I did, actually. But, me and Vanitas, we’ve always, always been linked. You didn’t know you had a heart, so I’m sure you don’t know what it means to…”

Ven continued with unclear words, an expression on his face that was hard to stomach. For a long moment, Roxas had no idea what that meant. It simply didn’t seem to fit in with what Ven was talking about, because he didn’t think that Ven was abruptly speaking of what had happened to him years ago. And it was so vague that Roxas simply couldn’t figure out where the conversation had swerved off to. Then, chillingly, he understood.

“You… really did that?”

Ven’s grin was somehow pained.

“I had to do something, or else he would have disappeared forever. Then I fell asleep again, and stayed with you. Roxas, Vanitas doesn’t want to talk about any of this. A lot more than me, it… I think it really tore his heart up. Not literally, but, emotionally.” Roxas nodded immediately, already knowing it to be the truth. That was something Ven had already told him, after all. “It’s weird. Since I did that, sometimes I feel what he feels. And it got easier for him, the way he feels my feelings. I can’t explain that, I only have this idea that he’d probably laugh at. Because his heart has so much light in it now… I don’t know how to make him believe that’s true. Either way, I can feel him now. It’s bizarre, but there’s some good things about it. Maybe my heart can finally feel his because of our shared pieces. That’s what happened, I made it so that our hearts that didn’t really match up anymore, I made it so that there are more parts that fit together. Just not evenly. We’re more than a single whole, even if you were to push our pieces together. I think that’s the way you are with Sora, isn’t it?”

Roxas couldn’t agree with that, and so he said nothing. It didn’t feel the same. More than only a few parts that fit together, to him it seemed that his piece had gotten rusty and had to be cleaned before it could be put back into place. He was still Sora and always had been. He always would be Sora. “… maybe.”

Ven knew he didn’t believe it, but gave no reply to it. Instead, he did it a little awkwardly – changing the subject. Or, really, just returning to a prior one. “I only woke up a few times, like I said. That time, in Castle Oblivion, and then… I think, more than waking up, maybe I had dreams that were what was happening. Like I could almost see them. Fighting, mostly. Fire, a huge wall of it. But the point where I really woke up was when I was falling. It was like my heart knew it was home, so it was time to wake up again.”

“Home, huh… Do you think Sora’s heart looks like this because he thinks of it as home?” Roxas wondered what the deepest part of his heart looked like. Somehow, he thought he knew – a tall, tall clock tower, at sunset.

“Maybe… probably not. Sora has a home, doesn’t he? An actual house. He doesn’t _live_ on this island. I think that this is just the most important place for him, more important than his house. Oh, but maybe that does make it his home. A place that’s most important. Even if it’s not where he actually lives. I don’t know what my heart’s inside looks like. I have two homes, I guess. The Land of Departure, where I met Terra and Aqua, and now here. And before the Land of Departure, I lived somewhere else. Three, even if I don’t remember the first one. I made new ones.” Ven heaved a deep sigh, but it wasn’t out of exasperation. Instead, he seemed quite content. “Castle Oblivion… I don’t know anything about it. You said it’s a research facility?”

“That’s what I was told… but, who knows if that’s the actual truth. The more I find out, the more lies I start to uncover. That’s how it seems. A research facility, but maybe that was a lie too.” Roxas looked up at the sky, watching the slow progression of the clouds. What was Castle Oblivion really? Certainly, it had been a lie, a half-truth. Had the Organization made the castle, or was it a place they’d simply taken over? Even the place that had been his own home for almost a year, that was a place he knew nothing about as well. The World That Never Was, the castle the Organization lived in. Had they made it? Had it been stolen? Abandoned? Roxas simply couldn’t say. “Xion probably knows more, because that’s where she’s from. She was born in Castle Oblivion. I guess that’s where the Replicas were made.”

“Roxas, I really don’t get what a Replica is. I get what a Nobody is, kind of. But, how do Replicas get… made? There’s not a whole person they split off from, that can’t be it. Can it?”

“I don’t get it either. Xion was meant to copy me, I know that. But I don’t know if that means she was somehow… based on me? It’s just, she doesn’t look like me at all. So it’s not as if she’s a clone of me. I don’t know how she was made, all I know is that she was supposed to replace me for some reason. For some reason, Xemnas wanted to get rid of me.”

“He doesn’t sound like a good person.”

“He wasn’t. A lot of the members weren’t. I think Sora probably destroyed them all, at least the ones who didn’t… Oh. Castle Oblivion. Almost the whole team that went to Castle Oblivion was wiped out…” Roxas held one hand up, counting his fingers. “Larxene, Marluxia, Zexion, Lexaeus, Vexen, Axel. That’s who went to Castle Oblivion.”

“And only Axel came back?”

“Right. I don’t know what happened there. But Axel was the only one who returned.”

“Hmm… Maybe Xion knows? And, I _think_ , maybe Vanitas might have some kind of insight.” Ven stood, brushing grains of sand from his pants. “If Castle Oblivion is really a place that I’ve been to before, maybe Vanitas knows.” 

* * *

 

“Never heard of it,” Vanitas said, leaning to rest his arm on his raised knee. Though it hadn’t been the answer he was hoping for, it was nonetheless the answer Roxas had expected. Of course, both Ven and Vanitas knew nothing. Them knowing would have been too easy, and nothing could ever be easy for him. When Vanitas continued, his voice was dripping with sarcasm. “Not a very welcoming name, is it. Oblivion.”

“Not really,” Xion said, her frown deep with unspoken meaning. Resisting the urge to groan or sigh, Roxas instead sat down on the dock. Though he was ignoring it now, there was a tall stack of wood planks next to Vanitas. “It wasn’t a welcoming place, but…”

“It’s where you came from, Roxas said.” Xion glanced between him and Ven, before nodding. That had Vanitas frowning, but then he snorted in genuine amusement. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ha! It’s not like I’m from a welcoming place either.” Ven’s face reddened, his expression outright offended. From the look Vanitas shot back at him, it hadn’t been a jab at Ven. “Don’t flatter yourself, Ventus. I don’t mean you. Think about _where_ I was born for a moment.”

“… yeah, guess you’re right.” The reply told him nothing. Where was Vanitas from? Ven, of course, but the location was unknown. Where had Ven been when he’d had his heart shattered? “Uh… the place that I fought with Vanitas, that was…”

“The same world. Not the same place, but the same world. The Badlands, I was born there.” It _wasn’t_ a welcoming name. Vanitas held a hand up, and within it an image began to form. A world of bleak colors, of red-tinged rocky cliff faces, a world where nothing grew. The picture that Vanitas created was of a barren, empty world. “But elsewhere in this world, not my specific point of origin, that’s where the… ha, the “fated place” waits.”

“Don’t say it in such a dramatic…” The way Ven trailed off made Roxas a little nervous. A fated place. What did that mean? What remained in that place, and what was it waiting for? “I never said. The place we fought was…”

“The Keyblade Graveyard.”

Xion’s face was expressing the same thing he was feeling. Roxas opened his mouth to speak, finding it suddenly dry. He had no idea what that name meant, what it could possibly mean. A graveyard. Vanitas had been born on an empty world where a graveyard stood. A Keyblade Graveyard, a graveyard for… what? Keyblades themselves, or the ones who had once wielded them? Both?

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been there,” Vanitas said, his tone conversational as if his words hadn’t been horrifying. “Practically lived there. Nah, I did live there. Get those looks off your faces. It’s the former battleground, the place we were “destined” to gather.”

“Is… that’s where…?” Roxas knew he was making a fool of himself trying to ask, but Vanitas didn’t seem inclined to call him on it. Vanitas had such spite in his voice speaking of it – though he had no idea why “destiny” was something that made his words drip with bitterness.

“That’s where the Keyblade War, the first one, raged centuries ago.” There had already been a Keyblade War. Vanitas was leaning back now, and the image that still remained in the palm of his hand flickered, shifted. A wasteland devoid of life, because it was a place that was filled with its antithesis. A world of death. “Thousands upon thousands died there as the Unions fell. Allies turned their Keyblades on one another, fighting until they could no longer stand and merely collapsed to fade away. The Union leaders struck each other down, even her. Heart after heart falling in despair, snuffed out in the wake of that darkness. And each one fighting for control of the light, control of Kingdom Hearts… It was foretold and so it was, because they believed it even if they struggled against it. Such a stupid inevitability, just a self-fulfilling prophecy. I almost began it anew.”

Something seemed wrong in how Vanitas was talking about it. Roxas didn’t know what it was. The mere idea was wrong, though. Raising a Keyblade against friends, it was awful. The scale of it, a conflict on that level, was unimaginable. But Vanitas was revealing it to them, the scene that remained. That wasteland, where an army of rusted Keyblades lay unclaimed and forgotten, was what Vanitas was showing them now.

“I was born on this world, I lived on this world, I fought on this world, and I was defeated on this world.” Vanitas said it so calmly, as if it didn’t bother him at all. Roxas stared at it, that field of abandoned weapons, and felt his blood turn chillingly cold. How many people had died there? How many had gathered there to fight that so many Keyblades lay there on that empty battlefield to this day? “Even so, my future is still being written. The scribe, I couldn’t say. The Master of…”

“Xehanort doesn’t get to decide what you’re going to do,” Xion blurted out, her face twisted in some mixture of anger and sadness. Ven looked as if there was something he wanted to say, but he held his tongue. It all felt so wrong, sickeningly wrong. Why? He’d defeated Heartless after Heartless, struck down his fellow Nobodies. What was different about that? The fact of it was, they were incomplete beings, not even sentient, seeking only conflict, needing to be eliminated before they could attack innocents. And the Organization, they had been trying to kill him.

A war. Those combatants had been whole, human, real. Now, they were nothing. All that remained was that place, where the weapons they had raised against one another lay as markers of each lost life.

Vanitas was scowling openly, his expression exasperated. “You think I’d let that old man decide my fate for me? Please. I’d much rather be the one deciding my own story. Someone else can record it, but I’m the one choosing my path. I pick. No matter what was expected of me or what destiny I was handed, I decide now.”

“Are you done?” Ven’s voice seemed to match the look on Vanitas’s face, but something about it seemed faintly insincere. It felt as if Ven was pretending to be more annoyed than he was, or almost as if there was something buried deep beneath the surface. A feeling of secrecy. “We came here to talk about Castle Oblivion, not for you to spin some epic, dramatic yarn about something that happened centuries ago.”

“Oh…” Xion brought a hand up to her mouth, pondering those words. “What… what about it?”

“Ven said that,” Roxas started, looking between Ven and Vanitas with sudden nervousness, “You remember how I said I went to Castle Oblivion and passed out?”

“Yeah. It was Sora’s memories, right? That was what we figured.” Out of the corner of his eye, Roxas saw Ven nod. That was what they’d decided once they’d slowly started sifting through what they’d never gotten the chance to speak of, of course. It was the most sensible thing. Whether it was _right_ or not, Roxas couldn’t say. The sensible thing didn’t always mean the correct thing, and more and more it seemed the truth was something nonsensical. Xion was looking at him expectantly, and Roxas barely resisted the sudden urge to chew on his lower lip.

“We think that I woke up at the same time that happened,” Ven said slowly, and Vanitas’s eyes locked on him. Despite the heat in that gaze, Ven didn’t seem to notice it and only looked at Xion. “It’s just that, I don’t know why I woke up. Sora’s memories were reaching Roxas, but I don’t think that’s why. I figure it was something about Castle Oblivion itself. Is there something special about it? Roxas said you’d know more about the place than he does.”

“That’s probably true, but I don’t feel like I know much about it at all. If there’s something special, I don’t know what it is. That’s where I was created, but I don’t know how that happened. Castle Oblivion is this… it’s a place that we were never supposed to be in, I think. We were trespassing, it wasn’t for us. It belongs to someone else.” Unsure as to what to say in response, Roxas only brought a hand to his mouth as he thought. As he did so, he realized that Vanitas was now staring at Xion intently. He was interested, a steely glint in his eyes as he took in Xion’s words. “Roxas, what did you tell Ven about it?”

“Basically all I knew,” Roxas replied immediately, pulling his gaze from Vanitas’s terse expression. “That the Organization was using it as a research facility, and that it’s where you came from. And that a lot of members… disappeared, there. I don’t really know anything else, just what Axel told me.”

“The Castle Oblivion team,” Xion mumbled, looking down at her knees. Maybe she didn’t know anything more than he did about that. Whatever had happened to them was lost to it, that castle’s namesake. “That’s right. I accessed the computer terminals there, to find out the truth. I needed to know who and what I was, and that was where I found those answers. Some of them, at least. Riku told me what was most important.”

“… Right.” Riku had told her the painful truth, where Axel had fed them well-meaning lies. What was it that he’d said? Sometimes knowing the truth didn’t work out for the best. Certainly, it was complicated. Though Axel would surely disagree, Roxas thought that it _had_ worked out for the best. The best they could hope for, at least. Sora was awake, had all his pieces back in place. Did they even have the truth? The whole truth, too much of it was still a mystery. “But, the castle itself…”

“I was just looking for information about myself, the Replica program, so I only skimmed over a few other files,” Xion admitted reluctantly, and Ven sighed. The question they’d opened themselves up to was going to go unanswered. “All I can really remember is that… Castle Oblivion is a place that the Organization found, and they were looking for something inside of it.”

That, Ven latched on to. “Do you know what it was?”

“… Sorry, no. It was some sort of hidden room, I think. I don’t know what was in it that they were looking for.” Vanitas’s expression was terse, tense. His eyebrows had drawn close together, heavily creasing his forehead. More than usual the corners of his mouth were tight, making his normally full lips look thin. “They didn’t find it, as far as I can tell… but maybe that changed.”

“Do you think so?” Ven’s voice was a little concerned. Roxas couldn’t blame him. If the Organization had been searching for something, it seemed like them getting their hands on it would be bad. What could it have been? A weapon, something related to Kingdom Hearts, both, something else entirely… There was no way of telling. Maybe, something to do with why Ven’s heart had stirred.

“I don’t know,” Xion mumbled, and when Roxas looked back to her it was to see an abashed, almost ashamed expression on her face. She felt bad for not knowing, he realized. It didn’t make sense. There was no way she could have known it would be important. But feelings didn’t need to make sense, as it turned out. “I wish I did, I guess I’m not really any help.”

“It’s a start,” Vanitas said slowly, and Roxas was glad for it even if it wasn’t meant to make Xion feel better. He truly seemed to believe what he was saying, even if the lack of information was clearly frustrating him. “Do you know anything else?”

“I only found out some things about me.”

“Such as?”

“Um… that I’m a Replica, that I was meant to copy Roxas. I don’t understand it, but it… seems like I was supposed to replace him. I was able to use my Keyblade because… Maybe it’s not mine.”

“No, that’s not right. Vanitas came from me, but he wasn’t using my Keyblade. It was his, it came from his heart. I think, when it comes to Keyblades-”

“If you summon it, it’s yours.” Vanitas’s response was remarkably blunt, as if he wanted to dismiss that question and idea as soon as possible. Out of the corner of his eye, Roxas saw Ven shoot a withering look at Vanitas. From the way Vanitas ignored it, Roxas wasn’t sure if he’d even seen it.

“R-right… I was able to use it because I’d copied Roxas. I don’t know how I did that. But as time went on, it stopped being just copying. I was… taking. Once I realized what I was doing, I just got so scared. I had no idea how to stop it – just existing was…”

Roxas swallowed nervously, looking away from Vanitas and down at his hands. He’d noticed it, but not recognized it for what it was. How as time went on, just fighting had started to tire him out in a way it never had before. Summoning his Keyblade had been exhausting, fighting Heartless had been exhausting. He’d become weak, struggled in his missions.

Had it been Xion?

“The purpose of a Replica. Just from that name… you’re meant to replicate someone else, to grow into a clone. That can’t be the entirety of it, if you were intended to replace…” Vanitas’s expression was annoyed now, as he sifted through the information he’d been given. Those piercing eyes locked onto him, and Roxas found his pulse quickening. It felt as if Vanitas was looking through his form, staring directly at his heart. “My first instinct was, “A Replica would be easier to control”. No basis for why I thought that. Perhaps something engineered. But it makes no sense. If you do nothing but slowly mimic the person you’re meant to replace, you would adopt whatever traits were so undesired as to make your superiors want to replace Roxas in the first place. The core concept is flawed, I don’t get it.”

The more Vanitas voiced his thoughts, the more confused he became. Because Vanitas was right. Now, Roxas thought he knew why he had become unacceptable. He’d never fully embraced the goal of the Organization, had begun to go rogue and do whatever he wanted almost immediately. Was that it? But if Xion had truly copied him, whatever parts of him were wrong would also have become hers.

“I don’t think I was originally supposed to do that. At first I was only supposed to be copying Roxas’s power to use a Keyblade, so that gathering hearts would go faster. That changed… but I don’t know when or why.”

“Xion, do you think maybe…” Ven’s voice was barely above a whisper. Roxas pulled his gaze from Vanitas’s stony expression, and found Ven’s eyebrows drawn together in worry. He was reluctant to say it, but spoke nonetheless. “Could it be you weren’t supposed to replace _Roxas?_ ”

Roxas didn’t think he liked what part of that sentence Ven had stressed. But Vanitas was exhaling, slow and deep, as if understanding something. If not him, then the only other person possible was…

“You don’t mean… Sora?”

“If you were absorbing his memories, that’s plausible. Where was Sora at the time?”

“Asleep, because Naminé was trying to put his memories back in place.” Vanitas's eyes locked on Xion in that moment, but he didn't speak. “I don’t know when that started or how they got out, or why that meant Sora had to go to sleep. All I know is that Riku told me that Sora was asleep, and I believe him.”

“He was asleep,” Roxas whispered, unable to keep that memory of Sora’s sleeping face from surfacing to the front of his mind. “In this… pod, he was sleeping. He needed his memories back, without them he couldn’t wake up.”

Vanitas was looking directly at Ven now, and it seemed they were speaking without words. Eventually, Vanitas shook his head and Ven clicked his tongue in clear frustration. Either they’d failed to reach a consensus, or were displeased with what they’d come to. Maybe, it was just that neither of them knew what they wanted to know.

“Sora wouldn’t go along with their plans,” Ven said finally, and both Roxas and Xion nodded immediately. That was simply a fact – Sora would resist, because he was that kind of person. “Your… superiors, I guess… they’d never be able to control him and use him to collect hearts. Is that right? Once he was awake he started fighting them, so maybe they knew that he would.”

“Probably… no, that has to be it.” Xion knew more than he did, so her word meant something. “I don’t know what they knew about Sora, but I think they thought he was dangerous. And that was right. He stopped them.”

“Then, your absorption of Sora’s memories was favorable.” It was Vanitas who replied, and Roxas considered the words for a long moment before understanding them. Taking a deep breath, he continued the thought that Vanitas had begun to voice.

“Without them Sora couldn’t wake up, and that was… good. That was what they wanted, because if he was asleep he couldn’t stop them. But then, why did Saïx want to destroy you?”

“Oh… maybe, because I was going to give them back. If they were trying to keep Sora’s memories locked up, and they couldn’t keep me from escaping the castle, the only thing they could do was destroy me. But, wouldn’t that have just set Sora’s memories free…? I gave them to you, but if you hadn’t been there…”

“I don’t know if Xemnas knew that Saïx… Everything’s such a mess in my head. I don’t remember if Xemnas gave the order, or if Saïx told Axel, or… No, but Xemnas wanted you back in one piece.”

“Xemnas wanted me to destroy you and take all of your power. I’d… progressed, to that point. I was mirroring Sora’s face already, Xemnas knew that. He _did_ something to me, to my head, but it didn’t stick. I pretended to be following his orders, but I never wanted… Roxas, did Saïx really want me gone?”

“He said some awful things, Xion. I don’t know what he wanted, but everything he said made me so mad.” Thirteen seats. It had been such a slap in the face, really. He’d wanted to slap Saïx in the face too.

“If you’d started to become a wildcard, you could have eventually subverted their goals more directly. If they removed you from the equation right away, you wouldn’t be able to throw a wrench in their plans. Your Organization wasn’t in agreement over how to handle you, it seems. If this Xemnas wanted you to fight, it’s possible that…” Vanitas was looking to him again, and to his relief the deep lines between his eyebrows finally started to lessen. “Ah, that’s it. You were expected to win and to be under control, because you were directly modified, were able to be modified. Or, he thought so. He probably believed that even if you stepped out of line, unlike Roxas you could be, hm. Reprogrammed. If you lost… that’s more of a question. Perhaps he expected Sora’s memories to not be at risk. Either they’d capture them in some other way, or they’d absorbed by the nearest receptacle rather than returning to the source. Then their challenge was to keep that receptacle from leaving as well.”

“Do… you mean me?” Roxas _definitely_ didn’t like that phrasing. Something about it just seemed deeply wrong, enough that it felt like his heart was curling in on itself. A receptacle? And Xion being reprogrammed? What did that mean? Something was faintly crawling on his skin, up his back, making him uneasy. Based on what Ven said in response, he agreed.

“Why do you have to say it like that, like he’s some kind of container and not a person? And like Xion’s some kind of machine! That’s awful, you’re being awful.”

“I’m trying to look at it from their perspective, Ventus. To them Roxas _wasn’t_ a person. He was little more than a wind-up toy to be aimed at the Heartless, Xion too. Get a clue, will you? I don’t need to _know_ the Organization to figure that much out. It’s blatant, we have the experience necessary to recognize our own circumstances being repeated. Ventus don’t be an idiot. You know I don’t agree with that viewpoint, it’s garbage.” When Roxas looked from Vanitas to Ven, it was to see Ven’s cheeks flushed with irritation. Still, he could only be relieved by what Vanitas had just said. For a moment, Roxas had felt… cold. Something less than a person again. “Since I’m not swimming in information, my best option is to adopt as much of their perspective as possible to try and figure out what their logic was. We need data and we have very little.”

“For _what_ , Vanitas? It’s not like we can just jump out and give Sora all the information we piece together.”

“It’s important to know your enemies, Ventus. Any possible advantage should be snatched up when you have the chance. Insight is vital.”

“They said the Organization’s gone, Vanitas. And even if they aren’t gone, what if you aren’t right? You said yourself that we only have a little information! If you spend all this time trying to sort it out, thinking like a… a bad guy, but come to the wrong conclusion? That just puts you in a worse position, because you think you understand but you don’t.” Vanitas fell silent at that, growing sullen at Ven’s obvious point. Even so, Ven didn’t seem to be done. In truth, his words had a vicious bite to them. “You didn’t understand me, and you paid for it. Isn’t that right, Vanitas?”

“Rub it in, won’t you? Ten years and you’re still a sore winner.” For the first time, Vanitas actually appeared to be upset at the reminder of his loss. Roxas didn’t know why, what was different. Vanitas’s jaw had set, and from the way his face moved he seemed to be grinding his teeth. Was it Ven’s tone that had struck a nerve? “I learned from it. I understand you now.”

“Oh, yeah? What do you understand?” This didn’t feel like a squabble, and Roxas leaned back with what he knew was obvious uncertainty. Only for a moment, he glanced to Xion and found her looking just as lost and fearful. This wasn’t bickering or lighthearted. This was a fight brewing, and he had no idea how to prevent it.

“That you’ll ruin any sensible course of events as soon as possible,” Vanitas spat, and the look Ven gave him was livid. “That you’ll stick your foot in any plan and mess it up the first chance you get. That you do whatever you want even if it’s idiotic and dangerous with no regard to other people’s feelings and decisions. That even if people are giving up everything, _everything,_ to keep you safe? You’ll still just endanger yourself again as soon as possible! Seems like nothing can keep your stupid…”

Not finishing his sentence, Vanitas abruptly vanished. It made Ven groan in frustration, jumping up to shout at the empty space where Vanitas had been.

“Sure! Run away and lick your wounds like you do every time I beat you! It’s like all you can do is push me away, huh?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ven clapped a hand over it as if to take them back. His face had gone pale, too pale. Regret was flashing in his eyes, written all over his expression. Roxas only had a split second to consider that, because the words Ven had yelled out in anger had reached their target.

From somewhere across the island came the sound of something exploding. Ven grasped at his chest, stumbling back half a step. Though it was faint, Roxas felt it – a cold, creeping sensation that cut through him, making his heartbeat frantic and fluttering. His stomach seemed to flip, suddenly queasy.

This was Ven’s fault, Roxas realized. It was hard to truly accept, because time and time again the quarrels had been born from Vanitas’s behavior. This, this was entirely on Ven’s shoulders, a blade that had cut deep into Vanitas’s heart. What Vanitas had been doing, trying to analyze the information that he had, that hadn’t been wrong. And because of Ven’s words, he’d burst. Finally, in a strained, confused voice, Xion spoke.

“Ven, _why_ did you-”

“Stay here,” Ven said sharply, but before he could vanish Xion had grabbed his hand. For a split second they only looked at each other, then Ven shook his head and repeated his words. “Stay here. I, I’ll fix it.”

Xion’s fingers loosened their grip, but Ven had disappeared before she could truly let go. For a long moment she merely looked at the space where Ven had been, before turning her face to him. They didn’t need to say it out loud to know what the other was thinking, but Roxas spoke nonetheless.

“Ven just did something really messed up… didn’t he.”

“Right… Roxas, I have a bad feeling about this.” Xion stood slowly, clearly unsure as to whether or not she’d do as Ven had told her. Roxas knew he was no better. What could either of them do? Ven had said he would fix it, but what that meant he had no clue. He’d upset Vanitas, but how and why? But Ven had done it, so it had to be Ven who went.

Though he told himself that, it didn’t sit well with Roxas at all.

“All we were trying to do was figure out why Ven woke up,” he mumbled, breaking the uneasy silence that had settled between them. How had it escalated so quickly? Ven had woken up in Castle Oblivion. Rather than having answers, things had only gotten worse. For once, this fight was… real.

“We weren’t going to figure it out,” Xion replied quietly, and Roxas knew it was the truth. Something unknown in that place had jostled Ven’s heart out of sleep and they weren’t going to figure out what it was. There wasn’t enough information, because Castle Oblivion was an unknown. That was, perhaps, the point of it. A place of secrets, where things remained hidden. Where the people who didn’t belong could gain nothing. They’d gotten sidetracked so quickly. “But… I think you and Vanitas were right. It was good for the Organization, that I was keeping Sora asleep.”

Of course Vanitas was right. Whatever Ven thought about it, Vanitas did have insight in the way their enemies thought. Was it because he had once been that kind of person? Either way, Vanitas had been right. As soon as they’d started talking about it, Roxas had known it was true. Xemnas and Saïx had known about Sora from maybe even the beginning, and having him asleep and unable to get in the way was definitely in their interests. Swallowing back his faint nausea, Roxas stood as well. Ven had really, truly upset Vanitas, and he didn’t know why. Was it wrong to want to go find him, to see if there was anything he could do? Xion seemed the same way, concern etched deep in her face.

“What do you think it was?” Roxas knew that Xion was no longer talking about Sora, herself, Castle Oblivion.

“I don’t know.”

“I get this feeling that… You know, Vanitas is kind of. Weird.”

“You don’t say,” Roxas said flatly, not a question in the slightest. The corners of Xion’s lips turned up, but it didn’t feel like a real smile. Both of them wanted to lighten the mood, to joke and laugh, but…

“Roxas, I think he’s just scared.”

“Of who? Ven?” That was wrong, and Roxas knew it as soon as he said it. Ven wasn’t afraid of Vanitas, and Vanitas wasn’t afraid of Ven. They were no longer enemies. If Vanitas was afraid of someone, he could only think of one person. “You mean Xehanort.”

“No, I… that’s probably right, actually. Vanitas is probably afraid of Xehanort. I know he hates him… From what Ven told me, and what you told me, Vanitas definitely, definitely hates Xehanort. But what I mean is that, well.” Xion stared down at her feet, starting to chew on her lower lip. Her fingers were curling into loose fists as she sorted through the thoughts in her mind. Taking a deep breath, Xion looked back up at him. “I think Vanitas is a lot like me. If I was in his shoes, I think what I would be afraid of, why what Ven said would hurt, is just… Roxas, if the Organization is still around…”

“I don’t think they are,” Roxas mumbled, and Xion only nodded at him. “Sora beat them, there’s no way he didn’t.”

“Right, but, I think Vanitas looks at things in a different way. For some reason, it just feels like he’s always expecting the worst possible outcome and trying to plan for it. He doesn’t want to lose again, he’s afraid of what might happen. Ven has to know that, but he still said what he did… Roxas, if what Ven told you about what Vanitas was like before is true, then isn’t this the first time he’s ever had something at stake?”

“Of course he had something before. He had that Keyblade, and himself.”

“I don’t mean that. Maybe, think of it like this. What does Sora fight for? Why does he do what he does, what makes him so strong?”

“He’s protecti-” Roxas’s eyes widened, and he didn’t even think to finish his words. Sora fought for the sake of other people, to defend everyone he cared about. What Vanitas was afraid of wasn’t something as shallow as the destruction of a Keyblade. It was something that was worse to lose than his own life. “No wonder he was upset…”

“Yeah. I think that’s why Ven reacted the way he did. I don’t really get it, I just have this feeling that… he knew right away that he’d said something awful, but he’d already done it.”

“Xion, do you think we should go find them?”

“I don’t kn-” Before Xion could continue, the sound of yelling reached them from wherever it was that Ven and Vanitas had disappeared to. Neither of them said anything more, breaking out into identical sprints. Roxas hit the door to the cove first, shouldering it open and nearly falling down into the water.

The sight he was greeted with was something that, in retrospect, he should have been expecting. Vanitas flashed him a proudly malicious smile, perched on one of the raised platforms that stretched between ledges. It hadn’t been his voice, and so Roxas could only scold himself for thinking something had truly gone wrong. Xion sighed explosively, but Roxas only looked out at the cove where the scream had emanated from.

Fuming with all his might, Ven crawled back onto shore.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of my favorites to write! Ven and Vanitas are about to be taking a bit of a swerve in their plot, in case you'd thought they were in for smoother sailing at this point. Nope, there's icebergs in the water. But hey, snacks!
> 
> As always, the only thing I ask for is your feedback!

It took almost an entire day before Vanitas was able to meet his eyes. Maybe, a little bit, he felt he looked silly in that unbalanced combination of clothes and was shy as a result. With a single article of normal clothing, it really was more and more obvious how bizarrely dressed Vanitas had been from the start.

But his arms were bare now, no longer covered by what Ven now understood had been completely skintight material. It hadn’t been his clothing making Vanitas’s body seem bulkier than it was. The other boy was a solid mass of toned muscle, and his clothing hadn’t had anything to do with it. How Vanitas had removed the sleeves of his suit and what he’d done with them, Ventus didn’t know. They were simply gone, and Vanitas was currently using a Wild Bruiser to haul a crate from the shallows.

Either of them could have easily done it themselves, but Ven supposed Vanitas _was_ doing it himself. As soon as he’d gotten it onto dry land, Vanitas banished his creation and simply surveyed the crate.

“What do you think is in it?”

Vanitas shrugged aimlessly, pulling a Mandrake from himself as if he’d had it in his pocket. He set it on the lid of the crate, before deftly and disturbingly yanking a leaf from its head. Without even a second to process it, Ven opened his mouth.

“Hey! What are you _doing?_ ”

“What does it look like?” The leaf was rigid now, like a knife. Ven knew why Vanitas had taken it, but the fact that he’d simply ripped it from his own creation was the fundamental issue. “It doesn’t hurt, don’t be stupid.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” If him kicking an Unversed had hurt Vanitas, then what Vanitas had just done had to have hurt him. Had it been like plucking a hair from his head, or something more severe? “You just tore a piece off it!”

“The nature of injury in this place is… inconsistent. Ha, like it’s the only thing… No. The Unversed are emotionally attuned to me. Beating one until it loses its shape, that hurts. This doesn’t, because I’m not attempting to hurt it. Violent intent… it seems there’s a loophole when it comes to the ability to inflict harm, and it revolves around these.” Vanitas and his explanations made a lot more sense when he wasn’t at war with himself. As he spoke, the other boy wedged the thin edge of the leaf between two planks of wood and began to wiggle it. Probably, he was trying to pop the lid off of it with as little damage to the wood as possible. “We don’t have bodies. Blunt force trauma, magic, even the touch of a blade, none of that would hurt. But these things, they’re extensions of my emotions. That’s the only thing in this place that hurts. Feelings. We’re hurt by feelings, and our feelings can be hurt.”

He’d figured as much. While Ven pondered over whether or not to tell Vanitas he’d already gathered that, the top of the crate finally gave in with a creak. Some of the nails that had been keeping the thing closed were now loose enough that there was an obvious gap in the wood. Rather than shoving his fingers into it and ripping the entire thing open, Vanitas instead extracted the leaf and repeated the process on another side of the crate. This one went faster, the hardest part done. Or maybe it was that Vanitas was putting more of his formidable physical strength into it, it was hard to tell.

It wasn’t really physical strength, but Ventus didn’t know what else to call it. Their bodies weren’t real, but they seemed to work the same way as they would have if they were. Other than the matter of pain’s nonexistence, everything else seemed to be exactly…

Recalling that sickening day where Vanitas had no longer borne his own features, Ven remembered what else differed. Something he hadn’t understood before was, finally, a little clearer. The face that he’d chosen on that day, it had been for a reason. It had had nothing to do with him.

With all the nails loosened, Vanitas pulled the crate open and set what he’d removed aside. Ven leaned forward to peer into the crate, finding it to be filled with little parcels wrapped in cloth. More clothes? He couldn’t imagine that was the case, though Ventus didn’t think he’d protest if their home decided to dress Vanitas a little more normally. Now that he knew exactly how body-tight that suit was, Ven didn’t know how comfortable he was with it being what Vanitas wore all the time. If there was a pair of pants in that crate, that would be for the best. But Vanitas was reaching in to extract something, and what he unwrapped was…

“What?”

“Food,” Ven breathed, staring at the bunch of grapes in Vanitas’s hands. There was food. It would be a lie to say he was starving, but even after so long in this place all he’d eaten was a few chunks of coconut. Emboldened by what Vanitas had revealed, Ven fished a parcel out of the crate as well. What he had grabbed was an apple, cleanly wrapped up in plain cloth like everything else.

One by one, they began pulling everything out to set on the dock. Bread, cheese, carrots, so many fruits, things he hadn’t seen or smelled or touched in what Ven suspected was years. Swallowing hard, he considered them all. If Aqua had been with him, she would have mourned the lack of vegetables. But his body wasn’t real. Whether or not what he ate was healthy didn’t really matter.

“It’s all food,” Vanitas said finally, examining the spread before them with far less enthusiasm than he should have. Having never eaten, Vanitas understandably didn’t care much about food. That in itself was a little depressing. What did he sustain himself on? Negativity.

“Well, I’m not complaining.” The way Vanitas stared at him as he reached out and took a grape was enough to make him self-conscious. It was a somewhat blank stare, not as if Vanitas was studying him, but it was more than enough to get him nervous. Recognizing it as irrational, Ventus popped the grape in his mouth and grinned at the familiar sweetness. The last time he’d had grapes had been when? It didn’t matter, because there was a massive bunch of them right in front of him. Taking another, Ven looked back at Vanitas. “Vanitas, are you going to have any of this or not?”

“What’s the point? We don’t need to eat, like I said.”

“Because it tastes good?” Did Vanitas not know that? Frowning, Ven considered the grape in his hand. Following his gaze, Vanitas looked at it as well. Based on his words, he knew what Ven had been planning to say.

“I don’t need it.”

“Just try it.” For a moment Ven thought Vanitas might tell him to shove his grapes somewhere unpleasant. But after that moment, Vanitas simply sighed in resignation and held his hand out. Vanitas didn’t feel like it was something worth digging his heels in over, then. As he moved to drop a grape into Vanitas’s open palm, Ven instead reconsidered it and pulled his hand back.

“Ventus, _seriously_?”

“Wait, hold on. This is going to be the first thing you’ve ever eaten, right? So…” Pursing his lips, Ventus considered all of the food they’d laid out on the dock. This was a momentous occasion. Was a grape good enough? Vanitas had never eaten anything in his entire life. Out of the things they had, Ven wasn’t sure what the best food would be. Grapes, apples, strawberries… among the veritable army of fruit, there was a single one he didn’t know the name of. A star-shaped fruit that he thought he’d seen before. Not knowing what it tasted like, Ven couldn’t choose that.

After long deliberation, Ven selected what he thought was probably the most perfect-looking strawberry he had ever seen in his life. If any of what had been in that crate was going to be Vanitas’s first food, it would be this. Vanitas didn’t care, but that was because he’d never eaten anything before. In a few moments, Ven was certain that the situation would change.

“Don’t eat the leaves, those don’t taste good. Just the red part.” Though Vanitas rolled his eyes, Ven knew full well that he hadn’t been aware of that. Vanitas didn’t know how to eat a strawberry, because Vanitas didn’t know how to eat anything. He was going to have to teach him quite a bit, Ventus thought. But Vanitas had accepted the fruit without much fuss. That was a good enough start.

Ven wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t what he got. Instead of a life-changing experience, Vanitas simply… ate a strawberry, and didn’t react much. Stupidly, Ven found himself disappointed on an unspeakable level.

“Are you happy now?”

“… Honestly?”

“You’re not.” It wasn’t a question, and Ven could only blush in response. With his brow furrowed, Vanitas set the strawberry top on the dock. He supposed that since it was fruit, they could simply toss it aside without any issue and let nature take its course. “Sorry to let you down. I don’t need food. Were you expecting some sort of show?”

“Is it that bad to have hoped you’d like it?” If Vanitas _had_ liked it, that would have been nice. Maybe he’d made an assumption that he just shouldn’t have. For all he knew, Vanitas didn’t have normal taste buds. He wasn’t a normal person.

Vanitas let out a noncommittal grunt, considering the food once more. That was that, then. If Vanitas didn’t care for food, Vanitas didn’t care for food. Trying to tell himself that it meant more for him, Ven ate another grape and sighed.

“Okay, we need to find a place to put all this.” There was too much to fit on the shelves, but that was a start. At the very least, they could put things like the bread and carrots there. The rest, that should have really been kept cold. Ventus didn’t know how they were going to accomplish that. Would it rot if left out in the sun? It was a lot to eat all alone, even if he didn’t think he could get sick.

“The shack.” Immediately, Ven shook his head. The shack got warm during the day with the sun beating down on its roof, so it wasn’t much better than just leaving it all out on the beach. Plus, it was where they slept at night. Vanitas frowned, clearly not sure as to what was making him reject that as an option. “The tree?”

“No, I don’t think so. When the sun comes up, it hits right where the opening for that room is.” Ven didn’t know if he could call it a tree house or not. It was a room carved into a tree. It also seemed like a nice room, one that could have made a good bedroom. If it were up to him, Ventus thought that might have been where he took his blanket. At the same time, once he was tired he was tired. Climbing that ramp and ladder while about to fall asleep might be a little ambitious. Either way, it wasn’t a place they could put the food.

The absurdity of crates containing things like food and bedding arriving on a tropical island within the heart of a small child hadn’t been completely lost on him, but Ven noted that he was rolling with it fairly well. Things were so much like reality that it wasn’t that hard to stomach, probably. It was easy to forget that the place they were living in was a heart in the first place.

Realizing Vanitas hadn’t said anything in response, Ven ran over the words he’d spoken in his head again. “Uh… If the food gets warm it’ll spoil faster. So if we just leave it sitting around somewhere that the sun’s gonna hit it, it’ll start going bad before we can eat it. Well, before _I_ can eat it.”

“Hm. Then what? The cave.”

“No, that’s too close to the shore… wait, which cave do you mean?” There _were_ two of them, if not more. Ven thought he’d explored the island fairly thoroughly, but it didn’t mean he’d found everything. Shrugging, Vanitas merely pointed to the cave he’d missed for quite a while. Tucked behind the bushes by the waterfall, it probably was the best place to keep the food. It was dark and cool, and not particularly damp. Though it felt weird to turn a cave into a makeshift cooler, Ventus thought there probably wasn’t anywhere else to put the stuff. “Yeah, that works I guess…”

“Problem solved then.” With that decided, Vanitas began re-wrapping all of the food items that hadn’t been consumed already. Each one was placed carefully back into the crate, as if Vanitas had figured out that most of it was delicate. Ventus watched that for a moment, the strangely cautious way that Vanitas picked everything up and bundled it back into its cloth square. It seemed at odds with the rest of him, broad hands that seemed more suited to fighting than anything else suddenly so careful in their actions.

Vanitas’s fingers froze above the star-shaped fruit that sat on the dock, one of the things that Ven had unwrapped in the first place. Seeing him motionless with one hand outstretched was somehow a familiar sight, though he didn’t know why until Vanitas was turning his head. A Blue Sea Salt took wavering shape behind him, and Vanitas stared directly at the tree that neither of them approached anymore.

There, hidden among the high branches, was a hint of yellow just the same.

A little nervously, Ven looked between Vanitas and the tree. The other boy was scowling, not looking away from that raised platform. Memories existed there, ones that he couldn’t recall. Wanting to ask, Ven instead said nothing as Vanitas finally folded the cloth over that fruit and placed it in the crate once more. Whatever spell had come over him was broken, and the moment had passed.

With his work done, Vanitas hoisted the entire crate up over his head as if it weighed nothing at all and began to carry it off. Unable to do anything else, Ven simply followed. Though he thought he likely could have carried it himself, Ven couldn’t have lifted it up so high so effortlessly. Vanitas’s muscles, whether or not they were _real_ , certainly were doing him some good in the bizarre world they were now living in. The thought that Vanitas could probably pick him up as easily as lifting a doll made his stomach feel a little queasy.

More than Ventus himself, it seemed the person Vanitas held more in common with was Terra after all. Though the nervousness in him in that moment wasn’t anything he’d ever experienced with Terra, Ven couldn’t deny that there was an unnerving level of synchronicity between them. A bulky frame, muscles that had been honed by dedicated training, skilled hands, and… an affinity for it, the power of darkness. Vanitas had…

“Vanitas, when you changed your face.”

Vanitas stiffened, not looking at him. He set the crate down on the path, just out of reach of what splashed out from the waterfall. “I put your face on to upset you.”

That was something he’d already known, but it wasn’t what Ven had meant.

“Before that. Before you knew I was there.” Vanitas’s now-empty hands curled into fists. What was pouring from him was being shaped already, a cluster of Mandrakes. Knowing what they meant, Ven could read an answer that Vanitas didn’t even know he was wordlessly giving. “… I see.”

“ _What_ do you see?” Vanitas’s voice was mostly flat, but within it there was a twinge of heat. His emotions had been raised, enough to risk spilling out over the edges. That was how it worked with Vanitas. Ventus was positive of that now. It wasn’t the only thing he was positive about. “No, don’t say it.”

“I won’t, but only if you will.” This might be playing with fire, Ven thought. Admitting how he felt about Terra was difficult for Vanitas, after all. The expression Vanitas turned to him was strained, his nostrils flared and his eyes wide. Ugly. The expression of someone ashamed of the truth.

“No.” It made Vanitas feel pathetic. He could tell that much, and so when more Unversed began to form around him Ven understood what they meant. Little by little, he was coming to know the shapes that Vanitas’s feelings took. Hareraisers huddled behind their creator, terrified to be looked down on, hidden from judging eyes.

“Pick one, Vanitas. Which is worse? You saying it, or me?”

“I-I…” Even though he was becoming empty, there was enough in Vanitas left for him to hesitate. Not wanting to be pitied for being too weak to speak it himself, he nonetheless… “I don’t want to.”

He couldn’t do it, could he? It was too difficult to admit. It was too painful to be reminded of it. Vanitas couldn’t be honest with him.

“I won’t laugh at you, you know. It… was hard, wasn’t it? That I was the one who left, and you stayed behind. Did… did you resent me for it?” That was a stupid question, but Vanitas knew it wasn’t one that needed to be answered. He simply looked away, yellow eyes turned to the ground, unable to meet his gaze any longer. It was a life that no one should have been subjected to. Having seen him escape, even though it hadn’t been forever, was something he couldn’t blame Vanitas for hating. The unhinged laughter from that day as Vanitas had stared into the clear, rippling water… rather than gleeful, Ven finally understood that it had actually been pained. “I’m not mad at you for doing that. I was, but I’m not anymore. Because I get it. I don’t, but I do. Because it’s something that’s so important to me, I… I understand why you wanted that.”

“It wasn’t him.” And that had been the reason why that laughter had been so pained. Because it had been nothing but a lie. Because a lie couldn’t offer what Vanitas had truly wanted.

“It wasn’t,” Ventus agreed quietly. Terra wasn’t there. Terra was somewhere else, out in the world that neither of them could reach any longer. The only way that he’d see Terra now was in the world of memories. Even something he treasured so much was something he couldn’t get back just by wishing for it.

Ven couldn’t fault Vanitas for wanting to see Terra’s smile, just once, directed solely at him.

“I meant nothing to him. That’s my reality, Ventus. Does it help you in some way to make me admit that? Because it doesn’t help me. He didn’t care about me. He didn’t even know who I was. I was nothing but bait and now no one will ever see him again.”

“That’s not true!” There was no way that could be the truth. Even if everything else was, that couldn’t be. Somewhere, even if he couldn’t reach, Terra was… “Even if what you said is right, Terra’s stronger than anyone! There’s no way Xehanort could beat him, I know it!”

“Terra winning or losing a fight, that didn’t… Forget it. You know what Ventus? Maybe you’re right.” Without being able to meet his eyes, Ven couldn’t tell how Vanitas actually felt. “No matter how much either of us cares, it’s not like we can just knock on the sky and find out what’s happening outside.”

“Vanitas, I… I’m sorry.”

“For what.” Knowing he couldn’t say it, Ven nonetheless wished he could tell Vanitas to take his feelings back in. The other boy was falling back to dumping too much out, and it made Ventus feel as if he was looking into empty space. Having nothing inside of him, maybe that was kinder for Vanitas.

“Making you love someone you’d never met.”

““Love,” huh.”

“Right… I love Terra and Aqua. They’re my-”

“Family.”

“What? No, they’re my best friends.”

“Don’t be an idiot. Terra is your brother. That’s how you love him, whether or not you admit it and whatever words you choose to use.”

 _“You two would make the weirdest brothers,”_ Aqua had said, the night of the meteor shower before everything had gone wrong. Did Vanitas think of Terra as a brother? It added another layer to it, the cruelty of it all. A brother who hadn’t even known his name… Because it was too sad, Ventus chose to focus on Vanitas’s words.

“I… didn’t realize you knew what it meant to love someone.”

“Not wanting to doesn’t stop it,” Vanitas muttered, not looking at anything at all. “I know the multitude of ways in which one person can love another. I understand that. It doesn’t matter. You have those feelings, not me. I’ve simply leeched some of them away. That’s all.”

“It doesn’t matter where it came from. Maybe they started off as my feelings. But they live in your heart too now, don’t they? Even when I’m not thinking of them at all… I was asleep back then, but you were still thinking about Terra. Those were your feelings.” One day Vanitas would meet Terra for real, and something would change. Something would change, because he would _make_ it change. They would change it. Though it made his chest feel tight and his heart start to beat faster, Ventus reached out to take Vanitas’s hand. What happened next was sudden, Vanitas’s wayward emotions returning to him in a rush. They poured back in, unable to face up to what was now stirring within his heart. That feeling came spilling out one after the other, even as Vanitas’s fingers curled around his hand to hold on. “Vanitas, can you really look me in the eyes and say you don’t love anyone?”

“I don’t love anyone,” he said, before he parted their hands and disappeared into the cave without a trace. With his heart seeming to be crushed, Ven only watched the sight of his retreating back as that mask formed itself around Vanitas’s head once more. Energy was lingering around him as he walked away, taking a shape he couldn’t make out. Not meeting his gaze, Vanitas had left him behind.

Not meeting his gaze, Vanitas had told him a lie.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter this time around! Because of that, there's going to be a second chapter today. For now, here's Ventus and Vanitas coming to a realization missed by a significant chunk of fans who complained about the "Nobodies can grow hearts" twist. Also, the rules re: Corridors are canonical! They're something that a lot of fans are hazy on as well since it's not very thoroughly explained.
> 
> Onward to the next chapter, I suppose!

“To this day I still don’t have a clue what the deal with them was,” Ven muttered, faint lines of irritation etched across his face. Xion couldn’t help laughing at that. The idea of Ven chasing down a group of tiny men seemed impossible, but many of the things she’d experienced weren’t much better.

When she glanced at Roxas, it was to find that he wasn’t paying quite as much attention to Ven’s story as she was. It had been something she’d noticed days earlier and thought of as a coincidence, but now it was starting to become hard to view it as such. For whatever reason, Roxas had started to be so easily distracted.

“I wonder what they’re doing now?” Roxas’s attention or not, Xion wasn’t going to let Ven just talk to himself. The story _was_ funny, and so she wished she could just push aside the question of why one of her best friends in the world couldn’t seem to stop staring. It had to be that he was puzzling something out, that something had occurred to him that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Xion couldn’t think of any other reason for it, but she didn’t feel she could simply ask.

“It’s been ten years, they could be doing anything. Maybe they’ve cleared out that mine, started a new one.” Vanitas shrugged as he said it, and Roxas nodded almost automatically. He was probably right, and Ven shrugged as well as if to cede that point. Ten years was such a daunting amount of time to her, someone who had existed for barely one now. It had to have come and gone, the day that marked a year since she had come into being. That day was something she simply had never known, and on top of it she had no idea what day it was in the outside world.

There was no calendar to be found in Sora’s heart.

“Guess that’s true,” Ven mumbled, glancing at Vanitas for just a moment. Ever since they had fought, the pair seemed less inclined to shoot barbs at each other. Xion hadn’t known how to ask about it, but their behavior had mellowed out to something that seemed outright normal. Somehow, it was a relief and unsettling at the same time. She’d grown used to the fact that Ven and Vanitas constantly butted heads. At the very least it didn’t seem insincere. “I wonder how Stitch is doing… There’s just so many people I met, you know? And I don’t know what any of them are up to now.”

“Yeah… Well, it’s only been a few weeks for us, but I do wonder about some people. Right, Roxas?” Roxas’s eyes finally met hers, but he nodded without any hesitation.

“I really do wonder if Tinkerbell is okay. Those pirates caught her once, I hope they don’t find her again.”

“Well, if that happens I know Peter’ll get her out of danger. They’re friends, after all.” Vanitas’s faint smirk had a hint of something she couldn’t identify in it. Roxas was watching him, his forehead creased. It seemed she was the only one noticing that, though. “Aqua was there too, so maybe you would have seen her if you’d gone at the right time. It might be a place she went back to.”

“That assumes the Lanes Between are still open,” Vanitas said, his smile gone. At the words, Ven sucked in a quick breath. Xion had no idea what that meant, what the Lanes Between were. Lanes between what? “Someone could have locked them again, and that was all you three used back then. Roxas, Xion, you two weren’t using them at all when traveling between worlds, were you?”

“Uh… I don’t think so.” The portals they used weren’t the same thing, Xion thought. She’d never heard the name. From the way Vanitas had said it, the Lanes Between were how they’d traveled. Were they closed now, leaving less options?

“Thought so. You were only using Corridors of Darkness, portals that link the Realms and worlds within them. It’s essentially the same concept as the Lanes, but much faster and much riskier. Both methods are dangerous, without protection you’re risking strong exposure to darkness. The Lanes are safer, and therefore more accessible to beings of light like you three. Well… beings of light like Ventus. You two started off as something a bit more ambiguous, even if your alignment’s a lot clearer now. Seems Nobodies are, well, not anything at the start. Just at the start, though. Either way, the Lanes are safer for you three.”

“But you used them too,” Ven replied, and Vanitas snorted. Roxas was frowning again, bringing one hand to his mouth as he thought. What he was pondering was probably the same as what she was. If the lanes were still open, why had they been using the corridors instead? They had to have been locked then, whatever that meant. “Don’t give me that, I saw you in the Lanes and you know it.”

“Had to lead you to the Badlands,” Vanitas said bluntly, his expression faintly tinged with exasperation. “The rest of the time, I was using Corridors. I’m already a being of darkness, it’s not like it mattered. Ha! Maybe your Organization used some of mine, that’d be a laugh. You went to Neverland, maybe you were accessing portals I created.”

“You can… create them?” Roxas was staring directly at Vanitas now, his full attention held. What Vanitas had said had changed her perspective wildly. It had never occurred to her to wonder about it, where the passages between worlds had come from. Corridors were things that were created, and so corridors of darkness had to be the same way.

“Only a being of darkness can create a Corridor,” Vanitas explained, his tone completely calm and matter-of-fact. Though it was new information, it was logical. If they were made of darkness, it made sense that creatures of darkness were what made them. He was making something, a teacup-like creature. Without commenting on it, he sat it down beside him where it sat still. He’d made it before, used it as a tool while cooking. Xion wondered what it was, but what Vanitas was talking about was too interesting to distract from. “The Lanes Between, those are built into the structure of the interspace like roads. Corridors of Darkness are faster since they’re direct portals, like bunching up fabric so there’s less space to go across. Rather than traveling along them like a street, with a Corridor you just cross that street. Every world I reached, I laid down at least one Corridor. Once created, anyone can access them if they know how. The only issue is exposure to darkness.”

“I had my armor, so you guys must have had something that was protecting you.”

“It’s the coats.” She didn’t know how Vanitas knew that. Roxas was no longer wearing his, though it was simply a memory of the real one. Xion looked down at herself, considering the words Vanitas had just spoken. The coat was protection against the corrupting influence of darkness. That made sense. “They gave you those coats, didn’t they? Your Organization.”

“Yeah, everyone wore one. It was our uniform.”

“… Vanitas?” Ven’s voice was suddenly wildly unsure. Vanitas’s expression had turned stony. His curt nod made Ven ball his hands up into fists. What Vanitas had said didn’t seem strange at all. So why were both Ven and Vanitas so tense and angry?

“Is… is something wrong?”

“You see why it’s important to closely consider the information you’ve received, Ventus?” It was little more than a murmur, but she and Roxas both heard it. Ven let out a frustrated sigh, looking as if he wanted to elbow Vanitas in the side.

“Right, right. You’re right, I’m sorry. Sorry I got so mad at you.”

“Already forgiven.”

“I’m not following,” Xion said finally. The expression Ven turned to her was lined with pain, anger. Whatever they had figured out in that moment had upset Ven, which only made her more curious to know what it was. Had there been something awful lurking within their use of those corridors?

“Those coats, those were your shield. I know what they are, I’ve seen them before more than once. Their function is to guard against darkness and its corrupting influence, the same way Ventus’s armor does. The mas… Xehanort had one too.” Vanitas paused, clearly considering his phrasing. “An empty body can’t become a Heartless.”

For a long, long moment, Xion had no idea what that meant. Disbelief flashed across Roxas’s face, followed immediately by the same anger she’d just seen in Ven’s eyes. Then, painfully, she understood it.

“There was no reason to give you those coats unless there was something to protect from the darkness.” What had Vanitas said, all the way back on that night of the storm? It was the truth, she was coming to realize more and more. The truth of it, of everything she and Roxas had done over the year they had lived, was that…

_“Probably, your boss had some ulterior motive.”_

They had never known what it was they were really working towards.

Roxas had laced his fingers together, squeezing them tightly. The more they learned, the less they understood. Roxas was taking it harder, because he took things like that harder. The truth was hard to accept, Xion thought. A kindhearted lie would never fall from Vanitas’s lips, but that was something she was grateful for. “So, then… what?”

“Beats me. I’d count your blessings. Whatever the real plan was, probably nothing good, those coats kept you from falling into darkness and becoming Heartless.”

Xemnas had wanted her to copy and replace Roxas, and to keep Sora’s memories locked up so that he’d never wake. Saïx had wanted… what? She didn’t know. All of the hearts she had collected, the hearts that needed to be set free, what had they been for? What was Kingdom Hearts, and why had Xemnas wanted it? If there was a true Kingdom Hearts…

“I don’t get _any_ of it…”

“Not enough data,” Vanitas muttered, before snorting in annoyance. He was creating an Unversed, some kind of blue creature that lacked the mark all the others bore. Because he and Ven both ignored it, Xion said nothing about it. “Either it seems like a jumbled mess because it is one, or we’re missing crucial information. Whichever it is, we’re not going to get to the bottom of it with what we have. Ventus woke up in Castle Oblivion and we don’t know why, and for some reason your Organization needed you as untainted…”

For a long, long moment, Vanitas said nothing.

“… Vanitas?”

“… shells. Shells, empty bodies.” Xion didn’t know why Vanitas was saying it as if it were a revelation. That was what new Nobodies were, empty shells of beings that had once existed. Even if she was somehow different, she was the only one who was. All of the others had been exactly that. “They were isola… hm.”

“Out loud, will you?” Ven wasn’t following Vanitas’s line of thought, then. Instead of speaking again, Vanitas shot him a withering stare as if to accuse him of being an idiot. Then, dismissively, as the gesture always was, Vanitas waved a hand.

“There’s something there, I just don’t know what. Like I said, not enough data. We barely have anything, just enough for a stupid amount of questions. I’ve got nothing to offer you that’s any good.”

It was true, of course. There wasn’t enough information to figure anything out at all. The only reality they had was the fact that they’d been lied to from the start. Xion looked to Roxas, and found him yet again staring at Vanitas. For once, it was a serious stare and not the aimless one she was growing used to. Ven’s eyes met hers, and then slid to look at Roxas. Then, sighing irritably, Ven got to his feet.

“Not enough data’s right. There’s no point in thinking about it until our brains turn to mush, it won’t help anything.”

Though he scoffed, Vanitas nodded his assent.

“Right, Ventus is too stupid for this conversation.”

Xion knew as soon as the words were out of Vanitas’s mouth that the vague ceasefire between him and Ven was over. The pair stared at each other for seconds that seemed to stretch on forever. Narrowing his eyes, Vanitas stood as well.

“If I’m stupid, what does that make you? Since you came from me and all that.”

“I’m chock-full of traits you don’t have, Ventus. Clearly intelligence is one of them.”

“Is “being good at losing to me” another?”

Neither Ven nor Vanitas spoke, the silence between them growing almost oppressive. Then, finally, Ven’s stern glare cracked as a snicker escaped him. Vanitas’s resulting smirk was fairly good-natured, though Xion wasn’t sure why. The way Vanitas shrugged off things like that, as if they didn’t affect him at all, was both admirable and baffling.

“And yet, here I am. Seems “failing to finish off your opponent” is a vice we do share, hmm Ventus?”

“Sure is,” Ven agreed, raising his shoulders in a half shrug. “Guess you’ve got me there. Alright, let’s make something to eat!”


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's second chapter is quite a bit... rougher, for both Ven and Vanitas. The meteorological event in this chapter is not linked to any canonical event, for the record! Later ones will align with things Sora goes through in the games, but we haven't reached that point just yet in the timeline. With this chapter, we've also passed the halfway mark re: wordcount for the story!
> 
> As always, thanks to everyone who's commented so far since it's all I ask for.

He had grown used to it, Ven thought dully. The saying “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone” was quite apt in the end. That was why it was a saying in the first place, he supposed. Staring up at the ceiling of the shack, barely able to make it out in the darkness, Ventus sighed. Three nights, none of which had given him anything resembling restful sleep. Morning came and went, and eventually he awoke still exhausted.

He’d grown used to it, not sleeping alone. It was hard to go back to that.

It wasn’t that Vanitas was avoiding him. In fact, Vanitas seemed to be all over the island. No matter where he went, Vanitas was likely to be there before he was. Ven wasn’t sure how he was doing it. What Vanitas was doing, Ven also wasn’t sure. Vanitas was somehow everywhere, and yet they didn’t speak to one another. They hadn’t spoken since. It had been a harsh rejection, even if he’d known it to be a lie. Even if he’d known it to be a lie, it had hurt him. In the face of that lie, Ven was unsure of one more thing.

Would being around Vanitas make him feel better, or worse?

Something was living inside him now, something that hadn’t been there before. Though it was something amazing, Ventus found himself afraid. If he stepped too close, it might be shredded to pieces. If he stepped too close to the person who had planted those emotions in his heart, what might Vanitas do to them? Like hovering his hands over a fire and seeking its warmth, it was something that could burn him in the end. There was something he knew with certainty, though.

Those feelings weren’t something he wanted to give up.

Lying on his back on the ground, staring up at nothing, Ven sighed. Vanitas had lied to him for what reason? Because he considered caring to be a weakness, surely. Having spent such a long time with him now, Ven thought he understood at least a little about how Vanitas thought. In the list of ideas that he thought might have been ingrained in him, probably, this existed.

Caring for another person meant the threat of their pain could be used as leverage against him. Caring for another person meant a weakness to be exploited. Caring for another person meant opening himself to being hurt by that person.

Caring for another person was what had made Ven strong enough to win.

Sitting up in the darkness, Ven wished he could speak those words directly to Vanitas’s heart. Vanitas had gone off on his own somewhere, maybe somewhere that Ven couldn’t follow. He didn’t understand it, how such a wide chasm had opened up between them once more.

Once more, Vanitas was wearing a mask.

Hadn’t Vanitas already admitted to caring? The Prize Pods he had created that day in the cave, while awash in tears. In that secret place beside the waterfall, what Vanitas had made was built with the things he’d felt in response to a single question.

_“When you think about me, what do you feel?”_

Hadn’t Vanitas already admitted it?

Caring about another person, loving another person… to someone like Vanitas, maybe it really was that scary. No matter how much insight he gained in Vanitas, he couldn’t understand everything. Having lived such wildly diverging lives, could either of them hope to understand everything about one another?

If this would be the rest of his life, an endless cycle of drawing near and being pushed away, Ventus wasn’t sure he was strong enough to keep going. A bruised ego, shame. That was surely why Vanitas had rejected him. His wounded pride, and his fears. Hidden away, Vanitas’s expressions could no longer be read. If he smiled, if he frowned, if he wept, none of those things could be seen.

Pushing those feelings aside, Vanitas remained blank once more.

Ven wanted to pull it from him, to lift the mask from Vanitas’s face and reveal the smile that he had found so beautiful. The way things were now, he didn’t know if that smile could even exist. No matter how much he cherished them, it seemed that the smiles he’d grown to love might never be seen again. Terra’s smile, Aqua’s smile. His friends, his master, everyone who meant something to him, their smiles were simply gone.

Alone, it was easy to fall prey to despair. Vanitas was someone important to him as well, and Vanitas was someone he couldn’t force himself to his feet to find. Ven curled his arms around his knees, holding tight. Alone, even with the blanket that he wore like a cloak it was easy to feel cold.

Beneath the pain Vanitas had lived with, there was a person that wanted to care. There was a person who wanted to change, a person who wanted to heal. Ven wasn’t sure why that person had suddenly stumbled and run away after taking so many steps forward.

As if the world was attuned to his worries, the sound of thunder split his ears. Instinctively, Ventus clapped his hands over them and buried his face in his knees. Thunder, a storm. Though they had been in this place for what he was certain had been years, not once had he seen rain. Nervously, Ventus got to his feet and wrapped the blanket tighter around him. If it rained, surely Vanitas would come to the shack.

When Ven peeked out the door, it was to find Vanitas standing on the beach with his face turned to the sky. The clouds above were blocking all but the faintest bit of the moon’s light, leaving him with only enough to see that Vanitas was there with his helmet in his hands as he looked up to where the stars should have been. Surrounding him was a swarm of Unversed, slowly undulating through the air. Vanitas ignored them all, that cluster of Jellyshades. He was empty. Though Ven was sure the other boy hadn’t noticed him, it was only moments before Vanitas was pulling the mask back on and hiding himself away once more.

At the very least, he was still wearing his shirt.

The heaviness of the air made it seem as if the clouds would empty themselves any second, but those seconds stretched on and on and no rain came. There was simply a tension in the air, as if choking it. Leaves were rustling all around him as the wind picked up, pulling at the branches. For the first time, a storm was brewing and Ven didn’t know why. Staring up at those dark clouds, Ventus felt a cold weight settle in his stomach.

What was happening?

Vanitas’s head had turned to face him, and that black mask had no answers. All of what he’d created was gone, funneled back into his being. Whatever they represented, the Jellyshades no longer existed. As Ven looked at him, not knowing where Vanitas’s gaze was directed, he saw the other boy raise one hand with his palm upward. He saw it because of the lightning that streaked the sky in that moment, illuminating Vanitas for just an instant. Then, darkness was reigning once more. Ven wanted it back – that brief second where he could see clearly once more, that brief second that was so stark in his mind.

Light bloomed before him, such a sudden and brilliant white that Ven held a hand up to shield his eyes. Squinting through his fingers, Ventus realized that there was a tiny ball of light hanging in the air before him. Far beyond it he could see Vanitas standing motionless, and for once he thought he knew exactly what kind of expression he was making despite the mask. In the fact of what had just occurred, Vanitas was just as stunned as he was.

“How did you do that?” Over the sound of the wind, Ven could only barely hear Vanitas’s hoarse voice. The strained quality to it made his heart begin to ache. As distant as it was, Ven was certain from it that Vanitas had been weeping. If he’d been able to make out his face moments before, perhaps what Ventus would have seen would have been red-rimmed eyes and cheeks shiny with tears. What he had emptied himself of had been something so painful that he’d rejected all of it. Vanitas’s words, finally, sank in past the sorrow his voice had brought.

How had Ven created the light? It was his, he was sure. Having wanted a light, he had somehow brought one into being. Cautiously, Ven reached out to grasp it. It felt like nothing at all, simply resting in the palm of his hand as thunder boomed again and made him jump.

“Get in the shack.” Ven had no idea how Vanitas had gotten so close so quickly. Flushing at his own inattentiveness, Ven simply closed his fingers around the little ball of light and backed up. Vanitas closed the door behind him, reaching out to grab his hand and pull it open. The touch had him flinching back, and the complete lack of expression of Vanitas’s mask was enough to make Ven grit his teeth. He couldn’t help thinking that if he could just see Vanitas’s face things would be easier. But what he was holding couldn’t break through that mask. If it couldn’t show him what he wanted to see, there was no point to it in the first place.

Vanitas’s hand let go of his, and the light hovering in his palm flickered and died.

“Light will expire, huh,” Vanitas muttered, words that meant something that he was helpless to understand. Now, Ven couldn’t see a thing. All around him was the sound of the clouds opening up, rain pouring down in droves. It hammered the roof of the shack, drumming against it frantically as lightning crackled in the sky far above. Inside of him as well, Ventus thought a storm was raging.

“Stop being so cryptic, I hate it. And take your stupid mask off and be honest with me for once! What do you mean by that, light will expire? Tell me the truth, is that so hard? I don’t know what you _want_ , Vanitas! If you’re just going to lie to me, then why are you even here!?”

Vanitas said nothing, and whether or not he moved Ven couldn’t tell. With the sound of that rain in his ears, it wasn’t as if he could hear the subtle movements of Vanitas’s body. There was no point in him having said it. If Vanitas took the mask off, it wasn’t as if Ven would be able to see his face. He was so stupid. There was no point in so much of what he did.

The patter of the rain grew louder in that moment, before the door slammed back shut from the wind.

“Vanitas!” The other boy had simply walked away from him, yet again. Ventus wanted to race after him, to rip that mask off and hurl it to the ground, to shatter it into a million pieces so that Vanitas could never use it to hide his expression ever again. But if he did, it wouldn’t matter. Vanitas could simply recreate it, because it wasn’t real. Biting down on the urge to yell, Ven flung the door open.

Unversed swarmed the beach, crackling beacons of light. They seemed to dance through the air, clusters of Yellow Mustard cloaked in electricity. And within them, soaked in an instant by what had fallen from the sky, Vanitas stood still. What surrounded him was hatred, Ven knew. Vanitas had pushed it out, a painfully specific emotion. The thing that Vanitas hated in that moment, if he were to reach out and touch it he would know.

Finding himself unable to take that first step, Ventus closed his eyes.

He’d done something he couldn’t explain. Rather than trying, the only thing he’d said had served to drive tensions higher. It had been a chance, a moment where it had been Vanitas reaching out to him. Ven knew he’d stupidly kicked it aside in favor of speaking in anger. Vanitas was hiding from him for what reason? Clutching that blanket around him tighter, Ven couldn’t find an answer.

Couldn’t he have just asked Vanitas for that answer? Instead of dwelling on his own self-loathing, he could have been honest himself. It was hard for Vanitas and he knew that. Trying to be accommodating to that, he’d set his own wants and needs aside. But they still existed. If Vanitas wouldn’t try, no matter how much he did there was no point. Fixing Vanitas’s problems, it wasn’t something he could simply do himself. Vanitas _was_ trying, wasn’t he? Uncertainty lived deep within him.

When Ven opened his eyes again, Vanitas was gone.

There was so much in the world, and so little where they were. In that place, there was almost nothing. A single island, a tiny shack, a handful of caves and a room carved into a tree. A bridge that led to something neither of them would touch.

A long time ago, Ventus had been saved on that world. But this wasn’t it, the true island. On that real island, there was a boy whose heart was filled with love for others. The only reason they still existed was because of that love. It surrounded them, didn’t it? So why? Ven couldn’t move forward, couldn’t reach out. He was frozen still, having failed at what he sought to do.

If what they lived in was a heart filled with love, then why couldn’t he feel it?


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's time for the Ven and Vanitas corner. Can they manage to communicate with one another, or are things going to take a swan-dive into hell? Guess you'll find out. Now featuring Ventus developing depression and Vanitas being awkward.
> 
> A few new critters are born in this chapter, though they're ones that have appeared in Roxas and Xion's half of the story. Now they're getting a bit of a definition!
> 
> As always your comments are all I ask for, so thank you to those who have left some!

If Vanitas actually cared, he would come to talk to him. That was what Ven couldn’t help thinking, knowing that it was stupid. Of course Vanitas cared. He’d felt it himself, pouring in from the Unversed he’d created. But Vanitas wasn’t around to tell him that. Vanitas wasn’t around to tell him anything. Vanitas wasn’t around to do anything. Vanitas wasn’t around to try and make things right.

Ventus couldn’t help those feelings. If Vanitas wanted the bond he’d thought they were forging, then Vanitas needed to do something himself. He couldn’t simply keep hoisting the other boy up and carrying him. It was too much to bear.

Instead of telling him that, Ven found himself sitting alone in the shack with his blanket tight around him. He hadn’t seen Vanitas in at least a day, because he hadn’t left in at least a day. The storm had come and gone, and the sun was shining… probably. The truth of it was that he just wanted to give up. He was tired. Vanitas wasn’t being honest and he wasn’t being honest, and he’d rather just curl up on the ground and sleep forever.

That wouldn’t help anything.

Pressing his face against his knees, Ventus told himself to stand up. If he just got up and tracked Vanitas down, it would get easier. If he just got up, it would get easier. Ven missed the sunshine and the warmth of day, and he couldn’t make himself get to his feet.

Wrapped up in the memory of something he’d once owned, Ven laid down in the sand and closed his eyes. When he woke up, nothing would have changed. He’d still be exhausted, he’d still be alone, and maybe he would still be unable to get up and pull himself together.

Knowing that, Ven still closed his eyes.

Eventually he woke, and he was exhausted, and he was alone.

Somewhere, Vanitas was off doing something. Even if it felt like the end of the world, like it would be easier to not try anymore, Vanitas _was_ there somewhere. So much of what Ven cared about had slipped through his fingers. Was he going to let it happen again? Was he really okay with letting things simply wash away?

The worse it got, the more tired Ven felt. If nothing changed, his mood would sour more and the emotional strain would throw him back into sleep. That was how it worked in this place. The only things capable of hurting him were his own feelings. Unsteady and feeling like a fool, Ven wobbled to his feet.

What he opened the door to the shack to see was Vanitas, and what he was holding was half of a crate. He’d been breaking it down for some reason, but enough of it remained to be used to carry something. What Vanitas was carrying was, to Ven’s confusion, a generous portion of the food. At least, he thought it was. Wrapped up in little squares of fabric, Ventus didn’t think it could be anything else.

He couldn’t tell if Vanitas was meeting his wide eyes. The other boy had frozen for a moment, but now he was unceremoniously dropping the crate on the beach and vanishing into a dark puddle on the ground. Letting go of his blanket, Ven dove too late.

“Vanitas, come on!” The black shadow on the ground that Vanitas had become was darting away, even with his words. There was nothing he could do to make Vanitas stay beside him, nothing at all. Gritting his teeth, Ventus curled his fingers in the sand and shouted out a question that might not be answered. “What were you going to do?”

All he heard in response was a grunt.

Unversed were gathering on the beach, a swarm of Jellyshades and Blobmobs. As Ven staggered to his feet, his sudden fear was confirmed as a disturbing reality. Though he was clawing at it as if in slow-motion, Vanitas had been literally consumed by one of his emotions. What it was doing was… ambling forward, toward the shack or the dock or somewhere else. Ven wasn’t sure where. He couldn’t remember what he’d felt, touching the Unversed that now held Vanitas captive.

“Stop it,” Vanitas muttered, hissing in pain at his own attempts to free himself. The only thing he was doing was hurting himself, Ventus realized. He was trapped within that translucent mantle, unable to struggle his way out or take his feelings back in. Fighting against them instead, he was only hurting himself. Before Ven could take more than a single step forward, Vanitas was speaking again. “Let go, you stupid-! He doesn’t want to see me!”

“ _What?_ ”

Vanitas’s helmet turned to face him, and both it and the boy who wore it disappeared. The Unversed remained, their creator having vanished. There wasn’t a trace of him left, other than his lingering feelings. Vanitas was simply… gone.

“Vanitas!” What had Vanitas meant by that? The question burned in him as Ven bolted down the beach. The place Vanitas had been heading toward before being caught up in the Unversed was the cove. But he was gone. Could he be gone? Tripping over his own feet, Ventus hit the beach hard. As he spat out sand Ven could only yell, “What are you _talking_ about? Come back here!”

No answer came.

With a groan, Ven pushed himself back up. Vanitas was trying to get away from him because he thought that was what he wanted? He couldn’t even remember what he’d said to the other boy last. The whole situation was such a mess, what could he possibly do?

In the cove, Vanitas had hidden himself away.

Ventus knew he could push the rock aside. It was big, but he was more than strong enough. The problem was that it wasn’t the only thing standing between him and the cave that he was now sure Vanitas had fled to.

His first instinct, stupidly, was to simply blast the Buckle Bruiser with a fireball. It was a bad move on two levels. Having not used magic in years, he had no idea if he’d lost much of his skill. More importantly, if he destroyed the Unversed all Ven would end up doing was hurting Vanitas.

“Go away! I don’t want to see you either!” A total lie.

“Vanitas, would you come _talk_ to me?” The harshness of his own tone made Ven wince. Understandable or not, Vanitas had gotten the wrong idea and was acting on it. Saying it like that, like he was angry, like he was bitter, wasn’t right. It would only make Vanitas shy away more, because what he said and how he said it didn’t match. One of the Jellyshades undulating through the air had grown close enough to touch, and Ven reached out as no reply came.

Coldness filled him alongside the realization that right now, with the way things were, Ven might as well have been completely alone. He couldn’t hear Vanitas’s voice. The warmth of another person was out of reach. Terra and Aqua were out of reach. Vanitas was out of reach – Vanitas had left him. He was so-

“Stop touching that!”

Lonely.

Vanitas had expelled his own loneliness, because it had become unbearable. Sobered by that, Ventus pulled his hand away. He was stupid. Thinking that Vanitas would show what he wanted by acting on it, he’d made assumptions that didn’t take something important into consideration.

What Vanitas did now wasn’t solely decided by his own desires.

“… will you come talk to me?” Vanitas said nothing, and the Unversed that crowded around him were acting where he didn’t. A Blobmob was lumbering towards him, and Ven hesitated while wanting to hold his hand out. Though he wasn’t sure why, Vanitas didn’t want him to touch his emotions. “I don’t know what I said that made you think I didn’t want to see you. Will you tell me?”

“I can’t do what you want. I don’t know why but I can’t. Even though I-! I just keep…”

“I won’t… You can tell me. I won’t be angry.”

“That’s _what_ I can’t-” Vanitas’s words cut off, and a Yellow Mustard formed in a crackling ball of electricity. Upset, Vanitas forced it out. Filled with hatred, he… Ventus brought his hand to it, not feeling the sting, only what had made Vanitas push it out. He’d failed to do what he wanted. He’d messed up, not strong enough to be honest with Vanitas. They were only in this place because he was too feeble and always had been. Rather than helping Vanitas, he’d made it worse. Because he was-

Ven yanked his hand away, and the fury that Vanitas felt in the face of weakness faded away.

He was so stupid. Vanitas _did_ understand what he wanted, and kept away because of what he’d said. Being honest… for some reason that even he didn’t know, Vanitas had lied to him. And what he’d said had been…

_“If you’re just going to lie to me, then why are you even here!?”_

Of course Vanitas had taken that the way he had. How else was he supposed to interpret them, the words Ven had snapped out in anger and frustration? Something had been twisted along the way, but it was because what he had said and what he had actually wanted had been at odds with one another. If Vanitas couldn’t face him with honesty he might as well leave, that was what he’d said to the other boy. And then he’d been such an idiot that he’d expected Vanitas to stay.

“I don’t understand what you want,” Vanitas said finally, and Ven couldn’t blame him in the slightest. “You said that… I don’t understand, Ventus. It, it made sense, what you said. But if that’s not what you wanted, then why… why did you tell me that?”

“I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to see you. I told you something I didn’t mean, because I was mad. And… that just means I haven’t been honest with you either.” What he’d said back then might as well have been a lie. All he’d done was given Vanitas the wrong impression, and it was his own fault. Ventus slid his hand into his pocket, gripping his Wayfinder tightly. If Terra and Aqua had been with him, could they have helped him find the right words to say? “I don’t know why you lied before, and it does upset me. But if I can’t tell you the truth, I can’t expect you to tell me the truth. So… I’m going to tell you the truth. I got frustrated, I was upset that I couldn’t understand what you were talking about. And I was upset that you lied to me. I don’t know what you want either, and it’s hard on me. Vanitas, I keep having these weird thoughts and getting stuck in them. I can’t stop thinking that I’m doing more than you are, when it’s what _you_ do that matters.”

“You’re not in my head, Ventus! How can you say you’re doing…”

“I’m not in your head, you’re right. So we have to talk to each other. If we don’t, neither of us will understand anything.” Ven sighed as quietly as he could, barely resisting the urge to just sit down and hug himself. There had to be a reason why Vanitas had lied to him, but if there was then neither of them knew what it was. The shape their reality took seemed to constantly be shifting. Surely, if he could look at it from the outside Ven would understand. Within it, he had no idea.

In his own way, hadn’t Vanitas been trying to prove his feelings? Their communication had broken down so abruptly, and all they had done was misunderstand and speak confusing words. Knowing that was his own fault, Ven didn’t want to admit it and had to force himself to face it. The person who had messed up in that moment had been him. He shouldn’t have pushed, no matter the strength that Vanitas had gained. He shouldn’t have expected Vanitas to act a certain way, to express himself the same way Ventus did. They weren’t the same person. It was irrational to have wanted to test Vanitas and his feelings, especially without telling him about it in the first place. Vanitas may have experienced some of his emotions, but it didn’t make him a mind-reader. Failing to recognize his own words, Ven had waited for and expected Vanitas to do something he’d chased him away from.

“I don’t know why you lied to me,” Ventus said again, in the face of Vanitas’s silence. “I want to find out. I think maybe you’ve lied to me more than I realize. If we’re going to make things… work, then we have to tell the truth.”

“Clearly I can’t do that!” Vanitas was creating more Unversed now, Yellow Mustard crowding around the rock and being batted aside by the Buckle Bruiser. If an Unversed destroyed an Unversed, did it hurt Vanitas? Watching the growing electrical storm, Ven thought he was unfortunately about to find out. “I don’t know how to make it work! I lied to your face, of course you didn’t want to talk to me!”

“Right now I _do_ want to talk to you! I want to know what your feelings are, so tell them to me. You walked away because I made you think that was what I wanted, even though it wasn’t what you wanted. Isn’t that it? You did that for my sake. And you made all these Unversed because-”

“I wanted to be alo- no, I hate being alone!” What surrounded him were those feelings. Vanitas’s loneliness, the anger he felt at his own weakness, the fear of losing what he cherished, the uncertainty that kept him from acting. And as it touched him, another fear filled Ven. Though he wanted to move away, to draw back from that emotion, Ven merely turned and threw his arms around that soft, cool mantle. There was no threat. Vanitas’s feelings, like him, didn’t want to hurt him. No spikes extended, no tentacles swung to knock him aside. The only thing that happened was a quiet fear, pouring into him as the Unversed returned his embrace.

How could he possibly have forgotten what it was made of? Lost and cold, Ventus held on tight to that fear as if he could draw some of it away. Even if Vanitas couldn’t say it in words, he knew. The thing that Vanitas feared was being left behind, cast aside, abandoned. “Vanitas, how do I make it up to you?”

“You don’t _have_ to make it up to me, I’m the one who made you angry.”

“I shouldn’t have gotten angry!”

“You had every right!”

“That doesn’t matter! I only got so angry because I was ignoring my feelings telling me I was overwhelmed. It’s my own fault that I stopped listening to my own heart! Right now I am listening, so will you listen too? I want to fix this, I want us to be able to talk to each other. So tell me! I don’t care how you do it, but please help me understand you!”

What left the beach in a rush of energy was everything but Vanitas’s loneliness and multitude of fears. As soon as the sound faded away, he could hear it – a quiet sniffling that barely escaped from the depths of that cave. With his heart aching, Ven could only hang on to the one part of Vanitas he was able to reach. Did Vanitas feel all that the Unversed did? Though it would be awful if he could, Ven found himself wishing for that. He couldn’t help but think that being able to hold on tight would make the pain fade for just a moment.

“I-I just…” Vanitas’s voice broke, leaving his words unspoken. But he had taken his feelings back in for a reason. Something new was forming, a cluster of Unversed that took shape on the beach. And it _was_ new, an Unversed unlike any that he’d seen before. What was appearing before him was unfamiliar, a flock of something completely new. In vivid yellow, what fluttered in the air was a swarm of hummingbirds. They were massive, though only compared to the real animal. Rather than being so small that they could be lost in his hands, what had poured out of Vanitas was almost as large as his head. Bright, shiny feathers and long beaks that ended in beautiful red blossoms. Their wings beat too fast to see, their forms flitting around at almost alarming speeds. What they meant, Ven wasn’t sure. All he knew was that Vanitas was telling him something with the emotion he had given form. Ven pulled one hand from the Blobmob, and reached out to touch, and understood.

Often, the way he grasped the true meanings of the Unversed was in general terms. Loneliness. Anger. Fear. Descriptors that were their actual emotion. What he’d laid hands on, Ven didn’t have a single word for. It wasn’t an emotion that he could describe with just one word. But he felt it and knew it in the memories it stirred. Terra and Aqua’s faces, spotting them in the distance and running to their sides. Thinking of Vanitas and finally getting to his feet. An emotion Ven could only comprehend in relation to himself – a desire.

Ven touched that Unversed, and felt the words that Vanitas failed to speak aloud.

“ _I want to see you!_ ”

Shuddering, Ven let go of both Unversed. Feeling two emotions with such power to them, it sent his mind spiraling into confusion. Instead of saying anything, Ventus ignored the creatures that filled the beach and planted his hands on that boulder. They wouldn’t attack him, because that wasn’t something Vanitas wanted. That was what they acted on, whether or not he ordered them. What the Unversed did was what Vanitas wanted them to do, even if he didn’t admit it to anyone including himself. Earlier, he had been carried back by his own emotions – because he was afraid. Because he hadn’t wanted to be apart. These new Unversed, had Vanitas already been making them all alone? A desire to run to someone, to be together…

Bracing himself as best he could, Ven mustered up all his strength and pushed.

Though he still wore his mask, as soon as he laid eyes on the other boy he knew that Vanitas was staring at him in tears. But he didn’t move to flee, and the hands Ventus extended weren’t pushed aside. Carefully, fumbling stupidly with something he could barely see, Ven pulled that helmet loose and lifted it from Vanitas’s face. It was something he really had missed, being able to meet Vanitas’s gaze. Vanitas was someone he had missed. Someone who he held dear, afraid of letting go of. That wall that Vanitas had built between them, Ven set it aside.

“I know it’s hard. But right now, I’m here with you. You can take this off.”

“I still need it,” Vanitas whispered. Even so he didn’t reach out to grasp it again, made no move to put it back on. Complete honesty, transparency, it was something Vanitas didn’t think he could do. Maybe he couldn’t, but that was only for now. It wasn’t out of reach. “It isn’t… It… I need to be able to…”

“What?” Ven didn’t know if Vanitas had the words.

“You’re frustrating,” Vanitas started, before his expression crumpled and he covered his face with his hands. Ven was sure it wasn’t what made Vanitas need that mask. It _wasn’t_ a lie. Certainly there were times that he frustrated Vanitas. But that had nothing to do with this, and they both knew it. It wasn’t an answer. “I don’t want you to look at me. No, that’s not, no. That’s a lie. I just wanted…”

“When things are too much, it’s a way to hide. Is that it? That’s… I don’t think that’s wrong. I’m sorry. I just kept thinking you were using it to push me away, but I just assumed something stupid about _why_ you want-”

“You thought I was trying to push you away?” Now Vanitas was looking at him again, an unclear longing and an obvious pain mixed in his eyes. His face seemed so thin, his cheeks hollow, his expression hurt and confused. That wasn’t how Vanitas had been viewing his actions, Ventus realized. He was struggling with his words, stumbling over them. “No, that’s not… no, I didn’t want that. I didn’t mean it. I, I’m sorry. I just, I thought that… if I couldn’t tell you the truth, then it…”

“I can’t understand if you don’t tell me,” Ven said quietly, taking both of Vanitas’s hands before he could raise his arms to hide his face. Hiding… what was Vanitas trying to hide from him? He didn’t know, couldn’t tell without words.

“I don’t want to show you something that isn’t true.” _That_ was the truth. Something was squeezing Ven’s heart, had taken a firm hold of it. Vanitas just didn’t want to lie to him, down to his own expressions. The moment he had put that mask back on was the moment he had told such a powerful lie, and he had been ashamed, and he had decided that it was better to hide himself away. “I’m an idiot, I keep messing it up. It just came out automatically. Even though I know it’s wrong, I keep…”

“Hey, Vanitas… before you came here, did you think it was wrong to lie?”

“No. It's funny to… no, I had to lie.”

“Why?”

“So I wouldn’t be punished. I had to be able to bear it, so I lied and said I could. I ignored orders. I acted on whims. I had decided on ruining the plans, went rogue. Always telling the truth, it would have gotten me…”

Though it was a dark thought to have, Ven hoped that Terra and Aqua had destroyed Xehanort for good. Though it was a dark thought to have, he hoped the man had suffered.

“… Yeah. Sometimes lies protect us, I guess. But telling the truth… that’s not something I’m ever going to punish you for. In the beginning you only told me the truth didn’t you? Even after we came here, you were being honest at first. Because back then I didn’t matter, what I thought of you didn’t matter and what I could do didn’t matter. Is that it?” Ventus squeezed Vanitas’s fingers tightly, and was relieved to feel him respond in the same way. That act was, he thought, Vanitas’s reply to his question. A confirmation that now, he mattered. Vanitas lied to him because he now had something to lose. If he told the truth and exposed his real self, he feared he would be rejected. In the past, honesty would have meant certain destruction. Surely Vanitas wasn’t afraid of that from him, but he was still afraid of something. “You don’t want me to hate you?”

“That’s why it’s stupid! If I lie you will, but it’s, it’s reflexive.”

“You’re used to lying about the important things to keep yourself safe. Did you do that for four whole years? Of course it’s hard to be honest then! But I’m not like him.” Vanitas knew that, didn’t he? But it didn’t mean he could simply snap his fingers and break a habit. This was a habit, a reflex – Vanitas automatically saying what he thought would keep him safest without caring about honesty. Now, Vanitas considered him to be as significant as he’d considered Xehanort to be. Ventus didn’t know if he was glad or not. Certainly, it was a different kind of significance. Rather than fear, what Vanitas felt toward him was truly softer. “Vanitas, you know… I do hate lying. I want you to tell me the truth. But I won’t hate you for not doing it. I just want you to tell me if you say something that isn’t true, because I know you don’t _want_ to lie to me. Just tell me if you do, that’s all you need to do. Tell me somehow. I won’t be angry. I won’t laugh at you.”

Vanitas said nothing, sucked in his cheeks, and didn’t meet his eyes. All Ven could do was continue to speak.

“If we make mistakes, those things are what we carry with us. They just don’t decide everything about us. Making a mistake doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. You don’t… have to be afraid of messing up. I mess up all the time. I messed up about this. Do you hate me for it?”

“Of course I don’t!” Such a sharp reply, as if it was something that was unfathomable to him. It was silly that it made Ventus so happy to hear. A long time ago, perhaps years ago, Vanitas had told him the words “I hate you” with honesty. Now, that feeling had disappeared without a trace. The feelings that lived in Vanitas’s heart in that moment were far more beautiful.

“See? You don’t hate me, and I don’t hate you. Maybe we’ll do things that frustrate each other, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

“How can you in the first place?” Vanitas tugged at his hands, a weak attempt to pull away. It only made Ven hold on tighter. There was no way he would let Vanitas walk away from him again. “The person I am is-!”

“Is what?”

“Unlovable!”

“I don’t believe that! Right now when I look at you, I see someone different from before. Vanitas, you’re not as horrible as you think you are.” Though he knew Vanitas wouldn’t simply believe him and be relieved, reassured, Ven still said it. Vanitas wasn’t as horrible as he thought himself to be – that was the truth. The air around him was brushing against his neck, dozens of wings fanning it against him. That wind brought the faint scent of sweetness, and Ventus breathed deep as he considered what to say. “There were things we said and things we did that were wrong, both of us.”

“You were trying to prote-”

“Not in here I wasn’t! I was angry and thought you deserved to be hurt, I looked down on you. That wasn’t right, it was messed up.” Though he wasn’t happy about the words, Vanitas nonetheless laughed a bitter laugh.

“That’s justified, Ventus. Thinking I’m pathetic… of course you would, now that you know the truth.”

“I don’t think you’re pathetic. Maybe I used to, but that was because I didn’t actually understand anything. You’re not pathetic, and you’re not some helpless mess that needs to be cleaned up. That’s not you. Vanitas, you’re a strong person. I would never have made it in your shoes.”

“You _are_ me.”

“I know you don’t believe that. We’re different, you get that. That’s why this face,” Ven slipped his fingers free and brought them to cup Vanitas’s cheeks, “Is your face, and not my face. This face belongs to you. We’re different, and we’re strong in different ways.”

Vanitas said nothing and simply looked to the ground, but his fingers were curling and uncurling as if desperate to do something. Though he wasn’t sure what it was, Ven wanted to do something as well. Without knowing what, he simply held on to Vanitas’s face to wipe away what remained of his tears.

“Will you tell me something? It doesn’t matter how. I won’t laugh, I promise.” Ventus could only take Vanitas’s heavy silence as assent and expectation, and so he asked. “Vanitas, what do you want right now?”

What fell apart was the group of Unversed that had remained on the beach. Only the hummingbirds lingered, their bodies flitting around through the air and wafting that sugary scent all around them. The feeling of wanting to be near someone else, the desire for that. But Vanitas’s restless hands were pressed together now, and when he opened them again it was to reveal a ball of energy that took wobbling form. What dropped to the ground was on four dainty paws, a mass of fluffy fur that seemed like it would be impossibly soft to the touch. At its back was a purple ribbon, tied in a wide bow with two long, long tails. As Ventus considered it, that pale pink cat put one tiny paw on his knee and filled him with a feeling. A second paw joined it, and then the cat was climbing into his lap and stretching to put both of its front paws on his shoulders. Whiskers tickled at him faintly, gentle as downy feathers brushing his skin.

What Vanitas wanted… in something beyond words, he had spoken it clearly.

Not anything anything, Ventus held his arms out. Not saying anything, Vanitas looked at him with hesitating eyes. Not saying anything, finally…

The embrace he shared with Vanitas in that moment was so, so warm.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's Roxas time. If he doesn't stop acting like this soon, there will be problems. Careful, Roxas. Anyway, the chapter after this one is one of my favorites in the entire story! Get hype, maybe. Either way, here's Roxas stumbling into some feelings and Vanitas making a big ol' whoopsie.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented so far! As you know, it's all I ask for.

“Obviously the thing to keep in mind is that if you remove too much, you can’t simply put it back into place.” Xion hummed in response to Vanitas’s words, watching him as he whittled away at the plank of wood he was working on. Roxas still felt the entire thing was fairly overwhelming. He’d wandered to the dock minutes before, to find Vanitas and Xion already sitting there having a conversation over a stack of wood planks. The amount of time and effort Vanitas was taking to build whatever it was he was building was mind-boggling. But his broad hands were steady when he worked, his brow furrowed in concentration even when he was speaking. “With such limited resources, you’ve got to stick to the slightest changes. Once it’s gone it’s gone.”

Pausing, Vanitas pursed his lips to blow away wood shavings. Roxas simply watched that, an exploding cloud of tiny slivers that had been removed from a solid mass. Paying attention to little but his work, Vanitas held the plank up again and tilted it slightly. He was examining some part of it, some minuscule detail that Roxas’s eyes couldn’t catch. Clearly satisfied by whatever he’d seen, Vanitas picked up a second plank and overlaid the two ends. What he was actually doing, Roxas couldn’t really tell. It seemed that Vanitas had simply taken a long strip off of half of the plank lengthwise, but he had no idea why. Though the second plank he had taken could be slotted into the empty space, it wasn’t as if the two actually interlocked. Would Vanitas attach that piece to something else?

“You see what I’m doing?” Thankfully, it was addressed to Xion and not him. Roxas had only a vague idea. But Xion nodded, and Vanitas seemed satisfied by the response. “Tell me.”

“You’re going to do the same thing to that one, and you’ll match them up like that and… attach them together with nails, so that they’re a single length. Is that right?” The words made immediate sense, and once he thought about it for another moment Roxas realized it was probably the only way Vanitas could extend the length of the planks he had. It wasn’t like he could simply stick them together and fuse them into a single piece, so the most logical way around it was to make the pieces interlock so that they could be attached to one another.

“That’s it. Once they line up properly, I’ll take two more planks and lay them on top, then drive nails through all of them to hold them together. Means there’s nothing jutting out, but that’s not the priority. Nails can be bent down. Right now,” Vanitas took hold of the plank that hadn’t been cut into yet, and held it out in front of Xion. “Test it. Push on it, but don’t use your full strength.”

Hesitantly, Xion reached out to follow the instructions she’d been given. The wood sank down in the middle, even though it wasn’t as if she was trying to break it. Clearly surprised, even startled, Xion yanked her hand back. Vanitas was unfazed by it, and shook his head faintly. It was what he had been expecting, it seemed.

“See, this won’t support any significant amount of weight. By layering planks like this, I’m reinforcing them so that they _can_ support weight. I’ll be varying the lengths cut out, so that all of the pieces line up with different overlaying sections. That keeps things even, so that there isn’t a single weak point. Ventus doesn’t have the eye for this kind of thing.” Roxas couldn’t say he did either, and it didn’t look like Xion would have ever thought of it either. Vanitas was really, really good at what he was doing. If he’d been doing it for years, that made sense. Roxas licked his lips, leaning forward to look at the stack of wood there. They were all the same length, eight planks of wood. It seemed to be enough to do what he was explaining two times, to create two long, reinforced planks.

When Roxas glanced away from them, it was to see Vanitas’s gaze locked on him. Something squeezed at his throat, some feeling that momentarily gripped him tightly. Vanitas’s yellow eyes, even in a calm moment, were such a striking sight. Then Vanitas was looking away and that somehow gentle strangling sensation faded to nothing and Roxas could only wonder, again, what was happening to him.

“Vanitas, come help me with this!” Ven’s voice rang out over the sound of that rushing waterfall, and Vanitas’s face twisted up into a grimace. Whatever Ven was doing in the secret place was a complete mystery, since Roxas had decided once and for all that it was a place he should never enter if only for his own sake. Scoffing quietly, Vanitas set the plank down on the dock and vanished from sight. The Unversed he’d been using the leaves from didn’t disappear with him, and instead jumped down from the dock to bury itself in the sand until only its head remained above it. That was something Roxas couldn’t figure out, and so he didn’t say anything about it. Xion shrugged at him, and he shrugged back. Vanitas’s emotions were a mystery.

Roxas wasn’t sure if it was good or bad that he didn’t really blink at the teleportation anymore. It was simply a new fact of his life – Ven and Vanitas had a power that he had no idea how to replicate just yet, and that was just the way things were. When Vanitas returned, Roxas would ask how they did it. Unfortunately, he had a feeling that it wouldn’t be a clear reply. As if Xion had been thinking the same thing as him, she spoke.

“I wish I knew how they did that.”

Roxas nodded immediately, reaching out to pick up the plank that Vanitas had been holding seconds before. It was moderately heavy, less so than his Keyblade had been. Though it felt like something that would break if he were to rest his whole weight on it, the plank wasn’t flimsy by any means. “Xion, uh… I missed out. What is he even making?”

“Oh! It’s a bed frame, he’s making another bed.” Blinking, Roxas looked down at the planks again. Vanitas was making a third bed, so that they wouldn’t have to share the one in the cave. Had Xion told him how cramped it was, or had Vanitas figured that out on his own? “I think it’s really nice of him to do something like that for us.”

It _was_ nice. Had Vanitas been spending a lot of time thinking about their circumstances? That tight feeling was back to squeeze his chest.

Vanitas’s sudden reappearance made him drop the plank, his cheeks flushing immediately. Roxas wasn’t sure why it had startled him so much – he really was growing used to the fact that Ven and Vanitas didn’t always walk from location to location, he’d thought about it scant seconds before. Whatever Ven had needed help with was done, it seemed. As soon as he’d returned, Vanitas scowled at the beach. Even without him speaking, the Unversed hopped back out of the ground and made its way back to him. Somehow, the thing seemed… worried, reluctant, as if it didn’t want to be around them.

“Hey, Vanitas?” Vanitas grunted in response, sitting down once more and taking the plank Roxas had been holding. Xion considered that to be assent of some sort, and continued to speak. “The thing you just did, how do you do it?”

“I have to assume you mean teleportation and not, oh, picking up an object.”

“Right.” It was almost as if Xion didn’t even notice the barb, if it was one. Either way, unlike Ven Xion didn’t really care to take offense. “Is it something you were able to do before you came here? Could we do it?”

Vanitas paused, laying the plank across his knees. It didn’t seem like he was trying to remember, but he was thinking about it nonetheless. “I could. Ventus, Ventus was incapable of it. I showed him plenty of times, but he still couldn’t figure it out. It was a skill I utilized almost exclusively in combat, of course. I used it liberally, more times than I could count. It was useful.”

The feeling creeping over him was cold, made Roxas uneasy. The casual way Vanitas said it was unpleasant, because the reality of the Vanitas that had existed before coming to this place was… the only thing he truly did was fight. It was that reminder that made him feel like his heart was being gripped by a hand made of ice. Vanitas wasn’t done speaking, however.

“Before coming here, my range was much more limited. It was a skill that was mostly useless outside of battle, because I could only move in a radius of about, hm.” Vanitas held a hand out, and from it that lumbering Unversed formed. It landed with a thud on the sand, clanging its shields together and looking around as if on guard. “Roughly the height of that, but in any given direction. It was most useful to reappear above my opponent, but I was capable of traveling in any direction. Here, my range is unlimited… so to speak.”

Its purpose fulfilled, the Unversed was absorbed once more. Ven had said that destroying the Unversed was something that hurt Vanitas, but he seemed totally calm. Was there a difference when he was absorbing them compared to having them attacked? It seemed like there had to be… or, perhaps, it was that this was a place where physical pain rarely if ever existed. Even so, the Unversed were emotions and emotions could inflict harm. Roxas would have to ask, or he’d never find an answer.

“Uh… Does… What does it feel like, to make Unversed?”

For a moment, Vanitas said nothing. Then, snorting, he began to faintly smirk. No, smile. Was it a smile or a smirk? It seemed to walk the line between the two – smug, or satisfied, but not quite malicious. “Unversed. What a stupid name we all picked out. Those which know not the meaning of their own existence, Unversed.”

“Stupid, or true?” The way Ven said it, appearing at the far end of the dock by the path, gave Roxas the distinct feeling that the phrasing held some hidden meaning. Whatever he had been doing in the secret place was done, and so he was joining the rest of them once more. Vanitas was leaning back, the smile on his face widening. “It’s not like you understood who you were when you started making them. They didn’t know their meaning, because you didn’t either.”

“Are you implying I’m versed in my existence now? I’m flattered, Ventus.”

“That’s why I call the new ones that and you know it.” Ven, his attention solely on Vanitas, made his way down the dock to sit beside them. Xion seemed as fascinated by the place their conversation had drifted to as Roxas was, looking eager for it to continue. What _were_ the Unversed? Negativity, Vanitas had said. But they weren’t all crafted from emotions that were painful. “Versed” existed as well. “Maybe it’s just because it’s easier. You understand them all now, the things you feel. You can put them into words if you really want to. So I guess none of them are unversed anymore. But I still need words for them!”

“It’s not like I rejected them wholesale, I _do_ use the term Unversed just as you do. The shorthand is necessary, if only to distinguish between what can and cannot be touched. The difference between emotions that are felt in your heart and emotions that are manifested, given tangible form…”

“Could you stop being so cryptic and weird in how you say things for once?”

Vanitas eyed his counterpart for a long moment, before pushing him off the dock.

After a five-minute, soaking, splashing scuffle, the pair were back to sitting together. As if nothing had happened at all, Vanitas simply picked up the conversational thread where it had been dropped. Sweeping his wet hair back with one hand, with droplets of water running down his cheeks and neck, Vanitas spoke again.

“Anyway. There _is_ a difference between emotions that take shape and emotions that don’t, and even the ones that do come in different forms. So Ventus is right, an easy way to say that is important. It’s still a stupid name, Unversed. Versed is stupid too. But I’ll allow it. As for the actual question…” Vanitas, grinning in a way that truly evoked the spirit of the boy whose face he shared, handed Ven a mass of energy as it contracted into a creature. It looked more than anything like a tiny bear that stood on two legs, a pastel blue in color that matched the color of the sky and contrasted its red button nose. Its expression seemed content, making Roxas wonder if that was the emotion it represented. The symbol that adorned almost every Unversed he’d seen was stamped on its stomach. “Making them simply requires me to feel, to take the strands of emotion that fill me and weave them into being. And so creating them feels like their source emotion, since I must experience it in some form in order to shape them. Their strength is determined by how much I channel into them, how strong of a feeling it is, but it takes very little from me to simply give them shape. Say, the ones I utilize as tools.”

“Usually he just uses memories for those,” Ven added, holding on to what Vanitas had created as if it were a stuffed animal rather than a living creature. The more Roxas looked at it, the more he realized it actually _was_ a stuffed animal. What Vanitas had just made was a living teddy bear. It didn’t fight Ven’s embrace even though he was soaking wet, so Roxas thought it was probably okay. Vanitas was shrugging, reaching out to pet the thing. At the same time, he was creating the red pot that Roxas was familiar with. It circled Ven with that gleeful expression, and as it did the water seemed to dry up. Vanitas was next, unfortunately. “Because, it’s not like you can just make yourself feel something, right? But when you remember what that emotion is like, remember a time when you felt it, you can sort of feel the echoes of it.”

“It’s enough,” Vanitas agreed, absorbing the pot and picking up the plantlike Unversed sitting at his side. It shivered as he scooped it up, kicking its tiny legs, but for some reason Roxas knew it wasn’t that it was upset with its treatment. Perhaps it simply had something to do with its nature, whatever it was the embodiment of. “The ones I use as tools, like this one. For them, a memory of emotion is sufficient. But, Xion, what you asked. It’s probably possible, yes.”

“Huh?” Ven hadn’t been present for that, busy doing whatever he had been doing in the secret place. Vanitas set the Unversed down again, and it began to toddle away seemingly automatically. When Vanitas clicked his tongue, however, it stopped immediately and sat once more. “You gotta keep a closer eye on it, Vanitas. You know better, seriously. It _always_ is going to-”

“Yeah yeah, I know. Give me a break.” Roxas hoped his disappointment wasn’t clear on his face. Before Vanitas had stopped him, Ven was definitely going to reveal the source of that Unversed, what it was formed from. At the very least, it would have been a solid hint. That plantlike creature, it wanted to be away from them. Why? “That aside, Xion asked about our… unorthodox manner of getting around, while you were organizing our supplies.”

Well, that was what it had been. Ven _had_ said it was a mess in there, and it seemed it was finally being cleaned up. The question of how it had gotten mixed up in the first place, no one had discussed. Even so, Ven and Vanitas had given him the faint feeling that they knew what it had been. Their lack of concern said enough, Roxas supposed.

Vanitas had said something about things not being in the same places when Sora’s heart had recovered, hadn’t he? That was probably it, the answer to a question he’d forgotten about.

“Oh. Oh, you mean teleporting. Yeah, it’s pretty weird isn’t it? After so long it’s just one of those things that I don’t think about, but it isn’t… normal. You could say it’s pretty _ab_ normal, actually. What did you want to know about it?”

“Um… whether Roxas and I could do it. Vanitas said he could do it before coming here, but you couldn’t.” Xion leaned forward a little, tilting her head to look at the Unversed in Ven’s lap. It was probably a Versed, Roxas thought. Ven had expressed the thought before that day, but it really did make things easier to have a word for positive emotions, to tell them apart. This was certainly positive, and so it was a Versed. “Do you really think we could learn how to do it?”

“Ventus is better equipped to teach you, I suppose. I created the technique a long time ago. On top of that, we don’t do what we do in the same manner. To be honest I don’t know how to do it the way Ventus does it, I’ve never tried. What I can say for certain is that it isn’t something he picked up from me. It’s definitely something intrinsic to the nature of our haven here.” Vanitas paused, clearly considering what he was going to say. Though it was something he’d only just become conscious of, Vanitas’s way of speaking was pretty strange. There was no predicting what kind of tone he would choose, blunt or sophisticated. Even within a single sentence, it was always so inconsistent. That was fitting, though. Vanitas was unpredictable in so many ways that it made Roxas’s head spin. “S’not like I have no theories about how and why that is, but it’ll just make you two confused. You probably don’t need to know, so all I’ll say is that there are things we can do in here that we’d never be able to replicate with bodies. Well, you three won’t. Like I said, _I’ve_ always been able to teleport.”

“Brag about it,” Ven grumbled, but Xion was giggling under her breath. “It’s pretty simple, really. I just… think about where I want to be, imagine myself being there. Then I am. Vanitas has too much fun doing weird stuff, but teleporting _is_ useful. I don’t like to use it unless I actually need to get somewhere fast, usually because he’s up to no good. I dunno, I guess it feels lazy.”

“It’s efficient,” Vanitas said immediately, a clear rebuke and defense of himself. He pulled all of his creations back in at once, almost sulkily. “It’s an efficient use of time.”

“Oh, please. Like we’re in a rush in here! I’d rather do things the normal way, we have enough trouble trying to fill time without it. I don’t need more.” Even with Ven’s words, Roxas could only focus on what Vanitas had said, running over it in his mind. Something about it had caught his attention, but not fully. After a moment, Roxas realized what it was – Vanitas had said there were other things they could do within Sora’s heart that they couldn’t do outside of it.

“You said there were things besides teleporting. Like what? Making lights and images and stuff?”

“There’s that, sure. It’s awful, but there’s one other thing that-” Even before Ven could finish his sentence Vanitas was holding a hand up in front of his face, waving it from his chin up to his forehead. As he did so, a chill ran down Roxas’s spine. Beneath the hand that Vanitas was raising was a completely different face – Xion’s face. She caught her breath, practically jumping out of her skin.

“Our forms are somewhat malleable,” Vanitas said, and his voice emerging from Xion’s lips made the hairs on Roxas’s neck stand up. The expression he was making looked wrong on Xion’s face, and so it was an immense relief when he reversed the process. The face Vanitas normally had, his lips quirked up in a lopsided smirk and his eyes bright with amusement, was so much better to see. “If your heart can truly envision something, it can take that thing’s shape. All I really did was show my heart a mental image of a “self” that had Xion’s face. Then my heart mimicked it, but in a few moments my true image would have reasserted itself. Call it a mind game that you play with yourself. Either way, it’s nothing but a facade. It’s all but impossible to maintain for any length of time. Your heart will recognize the deception eventually. I have a strong sense of my own identity, so I can only do something like that for a few seconds at best. Any one of you could see through it immediately if you were to touch my heart’s projected form, because you would see my reality.”

“That’s… really, really… Um, Vanitas?” Xion’s voice was hesitant, and Vanitas raised his eyebrows at her as if to encourage her to continue. “Could you… never, ever put my face on ever again?”

As soon as she’d finished, Vanitas was bursting into laughter. Though normally it was a sound that was welcome, Roxas couldn’t really see it as such right now. Ven was right – it was awful, unbelievably unsettling. He didn’t want to ever see a different face on Vanitas’s body. The one he had was more than good enough.

“Guess I can promise that. In that ca…” Without even finishing the word, Vanitas simply trailed off. The glance he shot at Ven was actually nervous, and the sight of it alone made his stomach faintly queasy. Though he said nothing, after a moment Ven looked aside, away from Vanitas. The emotion in Vanitas’s face, in his eyes, only seemed to double. Neither said a word. Vanitas looked down at his hands. Ven looked away. They no longer met each others’ eyes.

Whatever those silent acts had conveyed, they weren’t good.

Xion opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it again. In a split second, the feeling in the air had turned heavy, oppressively so. No Unversed formed. The look on Vanitas’s face was akin to shame, and Roxas hated it. Something unspeakably unpleasant had surfaced between them, an awful memory. Curiosity burned in him, but it was smothered by the aura surrounding that pair.

“The projections we create, lights, illusions,” Vanitas said, his voice ever-so-slightly hoarse, a cadence to it that made his heart hurt, “Those probably aren’t an extension of that same thing. It feels similar, but the fact that they can be separated from our _hearts_ projections indicate that they’re intrinsically different. It’s not as if I created an illusion of Xion’s face and overlaid it against mine, I fundamentally altered my shape. I won’t do it again, it was a demonstration. I should have done something more minor, that was… messed up.”

“Right…” Xion clearly wanted to say something else, but instead held her tongue. If it was something they were capable of doing, Roxas didn’t want to. Having a face that wasn’t his own… the thought was uncomfortable, wrong. It _was_ his face, even if it was Ven’s face. He didn’t want a different one, even to mess around.

“Ventus,” Vanitas murmured, leaning closer to the other boy. Their shoulders touched, Ven’s slender one against Vanitas’s muscular one. Two very different bodies, nonetheless coming together. What was it like, he wondered? The feeling of drawing close to one another, as if for comfort or reassurance. Drawing close to a heart that used to belong to them.

Though Vanitas said something under his breath, turning his head to face Ven alone, Roxas couldn’t hear it or even guess the words from the movement of his lips. Ven, after a moment’s hesitation, sighed and nodded. With just that, the uneasy tension lessened immensely.

“Okay, just… don’t do it again, it freaked them out. If you do, I am _going_ to hit you.”

“You wanna go for another swim, Ventus? If you swing that’s what you’re gonna do.” Not replying, Ven merely leveled a withering glare at Vanitas. It wasn’t as if he was cowed by it, but it clearly dampened whatever fire was starting to rise in him. When Vanitas spoke again, it was a grumble. “Spoilsport. Can’t do anything these days without you pitching a fit.”

“Act normal for once.”

“I make no promises.”

A while later, Vanitas quietly pulled Xion aside, leading her away and to the shore. What they said, Roxas didn’t know. It was a long conversation, too long to be just that, but… He thought, probably, that what Vanitas had voiced both to Ven and to her was an apology.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for a Xion chapter! Like I said in the notes for the last chapter, this one is one of my favorite chapters in the entire story. It's a bit somber of course, but it's a pretty vital part of Vanitas and Xion's growing friendship. Also, Xion is a little more aware of Roxas than Roxas is... and so is Ventus. This chapter is also the first real glimpse into Xion's continuing identity issues, as well as a different complex revolving around herself and her self-worth. From now on, Xion's POV is going to be much more prominent in the story.
> 
> The thing that Vanitas mentions doing in this chapter (keeping it vague for a reason) is canonical to the novels, but the impact of and reasoning behind it are my own creations.
> 
> As always, thanks to everyone who's commented!

“Vanitas showed you guys this already, but we can definitely make more than lights.” Xion knew she should have been paying more attention to Ven’s demonstration, since it was much less unsettling than the one Vanitas had just given. He was creating something in the upturned palms of his hands, a swirling image that coalesced into a now-familiar shape. Roxas let out a low but surprised noise as Ven crafted the image of his Wayfinder. It was somewhat transparent, unlike what Vanitas had shown her. Ven, probably, didn’t create illusions often. “I haven’t done this in a while, it’s harder than I remembered.”

“You’re just bad at it,” Vanitas said dully, and Roxas’s attention was lost once more. She wondered, not for the first time, what it was about Vanitas that Roxas was so fixated on lately. It seemed like whenever he was near, Roxas’s gaze inevitably drifted to him. There was something, but Xion didn’t know what or how to ask Roxas about it. There were things about Vanitas that were interesting of course, but it wasn’t as if she felt the need to stare. There were things about Ven that were interesting too, but Roxas wasn’t paying him nearly as much attention.

“What’s that supposed to mean, huh?” Now, because she was watching him, Xion noted that Roxas only looked to Ven when he was speaking. As soon as he’d finished the question, Roxas was clearly anticipating Vanitas’s answer. Ven had noticed it too, his eyebrows drawing together slightly as he looked to Roxas and then followed his line of sight to Vanitas.

“Just what I said. Whenever you try that,” Vanitas pointed to the illusion wavering above Ven’s hands, “It’s completely unstable. See, it’s rippling now. Get it together, Ventus.”

“Well, excuse me for not wasting time on stuff I don’t need!”

“Ha! Who was it who said we had plenty of time to waste?” Vanitas held his own hand up, and what formed above it was solid, completely opaque, and motionless. Xion looked between them curiously, the Wayfinder Ven had made and the Wayfinder Vanitas had made. They were the same one, and so it was blatantly obvious which one had been crafted more skillfully. “I’d say, “Let’s have a competition to see who can make something better,” but the idea that you’d win is pretty laughable. You were never any good at it.”

Fuming, Ven closed his hands into fists, the picture he’d created dissolving into nothingness once more. “You’re such a jerk sometimes, seriously.”

“Wonder what that says about you.” Only the tiniest noise escaped from Roxas, but from the look on his face what he’d stifled was a laugh. When Vanitas turned a smug grin to him, though, Roxas was unable to meet his eyes. “Hear that? He’s turned on you, Ventus.”

“No I haven’t!” Though Roxas said it immediately, his cheeks were starting to redden. That joke Roxas didn’t find particularly funny, it seemed. Xion thought it did have some basis in reality, though. More than turning on Ven and taking Vanitas’s side and views, it just seemed that something about Vanitas was absorbing his attention. Vanitas’s smirk had widened at that and he was beginning to laugh, but Ven’s eyes were narrowing in… not anger, not annoyance, but suspicion. He was watching Roxas almost as intently as Roxas had been watching Vanitas, as if reading something about him that she couldn’t see. And indeed, Roxas with his flushed cheeks was glancing briefly back to Vanitas despite clear hesitance.

Only for the briefest moment, something unlike him flashed in Ven’s eyes.

“Sure, sure.” Just from the tone of his voice, Xion knew Vanitas didn’t really believe it. Though Roxas met Vanitas’s gaze head-on now, the blush on his face was growing stronger. That didn’t last, however, but it wasn’t because Roxas had looked away once more. Instead, it was Vanitas who had turned, and Xion didn’t know what to feel when his eyes met hers. In those eyes was something… With his expression tense, Vanitas got to his feet. His fingers curled and uncurled, and for a second Xion thought he would extend a hand to her. Rather than doing so, Vanitas merely spoke. “Xion, come with me for a moment.”

“Uh… okay.” She was glad for it, really. Vanitas had, if only for scant seconds, worn her face. It had made her uneasy, had made her stomach flip and churn. Still… Xion didn’t think she could ask what she wanted to ask in front of Roxas and Ven. When she stood, Roxas looked as if he would do so as well. As soon as he glanced at Ven however, he stayed put. Maybe Ven would talk to Roxas about it, whatever it was that was going on.

Somehow, Xion got the feeling that he wouldn’t.

Vanitas didn’t speak as he led her away, down the stairs and across the beach to the shore. Out of earshot. It wasn’t completely private, but Xion thought it was good enough. As he put his hands in his pockets, Vanitas looked out to the sea.

“What I did earlier, changing my face.” Though she could only see his expression in profile, Xion could easily tell that he was frowning. “I shouldn’t have done that. Are you upset with me?”

“… I’m upset,” she admitted, before sitting down on the sand. Vanitas tilted his head enough to look at her, clearly realizing that it wasn’t all she had to say. “But I’m not actually upset with you, I don’t think. I don’t know why. Ven was upset with you, but I’m…”

“Unsettled.” Not speaking, Xion merely nodded her assent. Vanitas seemed unsettled himself now, but really it was more that he was uncomfortable. Even so, he sat as well. When Xion looked back to the dock, it was to see both Roxas and Ven’s heads turn too late to pretend they hadn’t both been watching. “I shouldn’t have done it, so… I’m sorry.”

Though she’d been expecting it somehow, it still surprised her to hear. For a moment she had no idea how to respond, and settled on a grin that she knew was somewhat hesitant. “I’m really not mad at you, but… thank you. Actually, I wanted to… um…”

It had been stupid to start speaking before figuring out what to say. Xion tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, not meeting Vanitas’s questioning eyes. He wasn’t prompting her with words, simply waiting. She wondered how many times Ven had waited for Vanitas, trying to put his thoughts into something he could speak aloud. She wondered how many times they’d waited for each other.

“It’s just… have…” Quietly, Xion brought her hands together, interlacing her fingers. Roxas and Ven weren’t able to hear what she was saying, but she couldn’t help mumbling her question out. “Have you ever wanted to be someone else?”

For a painfully long moment, Vanitas merely looked at her. Then, silently, he turned his head once more and stared away.

Saying nothing, Vanitas looked to the dock, to Ven.

Finally, having answered her without speaking a word, Vanitas met her eyes once more.

“I… when I, when you did what you did, I thought…”

“It’s tempting, isn’t it. Taking on another form. I’ve always found it appealing, to pretend to be another person for a while. Acting, you could say. To be honest, I did it to torment Ventus with the faces of the people he cared about, and to…” Whatever Vanitas was going to add to that, he didn’t. He drew one knee up to his chest, holding on to his ankle. “It’s not like I’m using it as psychological warfare anymore. I probably shouldn’t have done it at all. He really does hate it, after what I did.”

“He was angry with you?” That was understandable, really. It was completely awful, the idea that Vanitas had done something like that just to hurt Ven. Even if they had been enemies at that time, it still seemed too cruel. Vanitas was snorting quietly, but he didn’t seem particularly amused.

“Mostly. It wasn’t an isolated incident, after all… the context may have been different, but both times he saw me do it he hated it. He only caught me twice, after all. But, you got it already. Why I started doing that in the first place, how I even discovered it was possible.”

“I don’t know why I feel this way,” she confessed, staring at her hands instead of at his face. It wasn’t something she could talk about with Roxas, because it would only confuse and upset him. Xion didn’t know how she could even approach the subject with Ven, who wouldn’t understand. The only person she could tell it to was Vanitas, she thought. Maybe it was fitting that he was the one who felt most like her – two people who were shadowy copies. In Vanitas, Xion thought she’d found something. Kinship. Understanding. Vanitas was like her, and she was like him. Almost as if he was… If it could be something like that, Xion thought she could smile. “I don’t want to. It’s only sometimes, but I just think that I want to be someone who isn’t Xion. I don’t know _who_ , anyone. Isn’t that terrible? Even though I have so many wonderful memories and so many amazing things happened to me, I still have these kinds of feelings. Even though Roxas is right here with me, and you and Ven, and I’m where I’m supposed to be… even so, I!”

“Want to be someone who didn’t have to give up her existence.” It was so selfish, wanting that. Her silence was assent, and Vanitas knew it. He simply sighed, pulling off one of his boots, then the other. As he buried his feet in the sand almost absentmindedly, he began to speak. “Living a borrowed life is an experience I never expected another to share. Ventus doesn’t understand that. You and Roxas and… Xion, who is Naminé?”

Naminé. They’d mentioned her to Ven and Vanitas, but had Roxas explained who she was?

“She’s… Kairi’s Nobody. I don’t know how she was born, but she’s like Roxas. Not a Replica like me. She and Roxas, they came from Sora and Kairi.” Where was Naminé now? Within Kairi’s heart, she existed the way they lived within Sora. She knew that was true, because Roxas saw her. Didn’t he? He saw her in his dreams, felt her presence when she drew close. “She was… she was the first person who ever said “Nice to meet you” to me. I wish I could have talked to her a little longer. I only met her once, and that was right before… everything, just… everything fell apart. She and Riku were both nice to me. Even though I messed everything up, they were nice to me. I know she was nice to Roxas too. He cares about her. Maybe those feelings came from Sora, how he feels about Kairi… but Roxas cares about Naminé. Sometimes he knows she’s around, when Kairi is. He smiles in his sleep. Naminé is in Kairi’s heart, the way we’re in here.”

What did Naminé do, each day? What shape did Kairi’s heart take? What did Naminé…

“… I see. So she’s in there… You, all of you, are more like me. You more so than Roxas, I suppose. We’ve all taken parts from so many other people. Ventus, whoever Kairi is, Sora. Sora, huh. It’s interesting, isn’t it? Once they connected, I was altered. I came from Ventus, and yet the face I wear isn’t his.”

“Sora’s face. But you don’t look _just_ like Sora, there’s all sorts of things that are different.” That was the truth. Vanitas’s appearance was so different – his eyes, his hair color, the build of his body, and his… What Roxas had been staring at, wasn’t it Vanitas’s…

“I’ve gathered that much. Brown hair, blue eyes. In here I could certainly have those temporarily, but I’m not particularly interested in looking just like someone else. I wouldn’t be able to keep it up, either. My heart knows what I look like, and it’s this.”

“It’s not just that,” Xion said slowly, bringing one hand up to her mouth and barely keeping from biting the tip of her thumb. At that Vanitas looked directly at her, faintly confused. “I guess maybe… Well, Sora slept for a long time, so it’s probably not like he has a lot of muscles like you do. And your hair and eyes, those aren’t too weird to me. I don’t… have Kairi’s hair color either. And you know Roxas, he has dark eyebrows even though Ven doesn’t. You haven’t met her, but Naminé has blonde hair even though Kairi doesn’t. So those things, they don’t seem too weird. But then…”

“Something else is different. What?” She’d piqued Vanitas’s curiosity, and he was staring at her intently. With his face turned directly toward her, Xion could see it clearly. The part of Vanitas that didn’t match was his mouth, a strange tightness to the corners that she hadn’t consciously noticed until that moment. That was what made his smirks seem so smug, that pinched look to them.

“Your mouth. Right here.” Xion held up both of her index fingers, pressing them against the corners of her own mouth and glad that Vanitas’s body blocked Roxas and Ven’s view of her. It probably looked silly, but Vanitas wasn’t amused. His inquisitive expression had dropped off his face completely. She didn’t know why. For some reason, her words had impacted him in an unknown way.

Though it wasn’t genuinely joyful, Vanitas laughed. Just once, a laugh that dripped with unpleasant understanding. What he now understood, Xion couldn’t say. It wasn’t simply what she’d told him. Before she could ask, he was raising one hand to his mouth, touching that parts that didn’t match Sora with his index and middle fingers. Behind him, something was forming. A black ribbon wrapped around his middle. It didn’t emerge, that Unversed. She didn’t know what it meant, but it went completely ignored by its creator. Not saying anything, Vanitas slipped one finger into his mouth and pulled his cheek out as if to display it.

For a moment, Xion didn’t know what she was looking at. It was hard to see, at least until Vanitas opened his mouth wider and his teeth no longer fully blocked it. Then comprehension dawned on her, and a miserable pang shot through her chest.

Lining the inside of Vanitas’s cheek was a gnarled mess of scar tissue.

As soon as he saw it on her face, that she knew what she was seeing, Vanitas closed his mouth once more and wiped his fingers on his shirt. Still not showing itself, the Unversed hidden by Vanitas’s back tightened its grip on him. Somehow, it felt was if it was holding onto him for comfort – not to comfort Vanitas, but seeking it instead.

The corners of Vanitas’s lips, the way they remained tight… it was because the insides of his cheeks had been ripped open somehow and had healed wrong, fusing parts of his flesh together that had once been separate. It was certainly the same on his other cheek, because both sides matched somewhat even if it was unbalanced. What had happened to Vanitas, to cause that injury?

“Did… did Xeha-”

“Before I knew it,” Vanitas started, looking out to the ocean again, “It had become a bad habit. Not sure how it started. Maybe, it was something that brought me back to reality. It helped me pull the Unversed back in. Pain wakes your mind up, because pain happens when you’re in danger, when something’s wrong. You could say there was always something wrong with me. Unnatural. That doesn’t matter anymore. Even if it was something I did at first to become alert again, eventually it was… a thing I did without thinking, even though I found it detestable. What I’d done it for initially, it was useless for that. I got used to the pain, didn’t notice that I’d bitten until I tasted iron. Never realized it was something you could see from the outside.”

“I… never would have known, actually. It’s just that, Sora’s face is different. So I noticed it. I think Roxas noticed it too, that’s why he’s been staring at you so much lately.”

“Hm.” It seemed Vanitas hadn’t picked up on that, then. “Ventus never noticed. But he isn’t exactly familiar with Sora’s features. It’s not as if I’ve displayed the inside of my mouth to him either, because why would I? I’m not particularly interested in telling him about it. Probably, it’s better that he… Well, he’ll find out eventually I guess. Even if I’d rather he never knew. It’s lucky he hasn’t already realized, he’s had chances.”

“You don’t want to upset him.” Xion could understand that. This was something that would hurt Ven, because it was something that simply hurt. The idea that Vanitas had done something like that, over and over again, ruining the inside of his mouth without even paying attention to it, growing numb to the pain, made her feel cold and empty of everything but a low, aching sorrow. Ven had said that Vanitas had destroyed Unversed, slaughtering the manifestations of his emotions despite the pain it inflicted on him. But he’d made it seem as if it was something that Vanitas had done in desperation, fearing his creations more than he feared being hurt and being caught in an endless feedback loop of terror and agony.

Now, she wondered if it had been intentional.

“So now you know. Though, I wasn’t really keeping it a secret. Just something that’s hard to pick up on. Regrettably, I’m confident it’s a habit I haven’t fully broken. Doing something without realizing it, it’s not easy to stop. There’s no pain in here either, so that’s no help in noticing. Ah, well.” As if he was dismissing the topic entirely, Vanitas absorbed the Unversed, stood, and took a few steps toward the water. Xion wasn’t sure she could simply push it away, though she wouldn’t voice it again. The truth of it was, the idea that Vanitas had been hurting himself on purpose was sobering. “Ventus is… it’s not like he’s some sort of innocent child. He can handle whatever I throw at him. No, he can handle more than I can. I talk a big game, but he’s the one who can follow through. Never really could finish him off. I did try. Failed. Tried again. Failed.”

“You don’t want to fight him anymore, though.” She knew that much, of course. It was obvious that whatever Ven and Vanitas were now, they’d become people who could never stand against one another on a battlefield. Ten years had gone by, and the Vanitas that stood on the shore within Sora’s heart wasn’t the Vanitas who had first come to it.

“I don’t. I’m not interested in a lot of things I used to be. Fighting Ventus, looking at him as an enemy, that’s not something I feel like doing. Hurting him, even the thought of it makes me sick. This is a place that’s kinder than the world outside. I want it to stay that way for him. If that means keeping a few secrets still, I’ll do it. If he asks, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I made a promise to myself to be honest with him, after all.” Maybe, the reason Vanitas felt the way he did to her was because there was so much of him that reminded her of someone who had lied to keep her safe. What he had said to Ven… something about it had been so familiar after all.

_“You do whatever you want even if it’s idiotic and dangerous with no regard to other people’s feelings and decisions.”_

_“You both… think you can do whatever you want.”_

“Changing my face to make myself feel better… I’m not interested. It never helped, and I’ve come to terms with it. This is my face now, and I’ve grown pretty fond of it over the years. It’s proof that I’m not him. There are so many things that I can only do as me. I can take pride in that.”

Xion said nothing, and again looked only at her hands. Proof that she was her… she wasn’t sure if that was something she could find joy in. Being herself… but there was no “herself”, was there? All of the memories she had made and the life she had lived had vanished in an instant, and the world had gone on without her. “Xion” was someone who had needed to go away. That was the reality. “Xion” was a person who couldn’t exist, shouldn’t exist, a person whose existence was wrong. It was right, necessary, that “Xion” disappeared. That was the way things had to be.

Anyone but “Xion”, who couldn’t exist… selfishly, that was who she wished she could be.

Vanitas was speaking.

“He’s not an innocent child. He can take care of himself. But I’d rather he didn’t have to fight or suffer. Probably, if he was in… nah. Already did that, didn’t I… Forget it. Don’t ask. I know, that just makes it more interesting. It’s not the right time to talk about that, not now. Maybe it never will be, who knows. Life’s full of disappointments.” Pausing, Vanitas looked to her again. The waves that broke upon the shore were reaching him now, washing over his bare feet as the tide came in. Vanitas paid it no mind, making no move to return to dry land. “But you already know that well enough.”

The tide came in and Vanitas stood on the beach, and when she looked at him, just for a moment, the boy she saw at the edge of the water was Sora.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is a pretty lengthy chapter for Ven. As you might expect, it had a lot of content. A good chunk of it is emotional as well, so get ready. Incidentally, I started writing bonus content for this fic last night! Currently I've written about 3k words. They're not full-on chapters, just snippets that cover a whole range of tones. As for the main story, as of the last few chapters we've really hit a lot of parts that give the story quite a bit of re-read value. I won't ask you guys to do something like that, but it might be enlightening!
> 
> This chapter introduces a new critter, as well as the first (chronological) instance of something that you guys are probably pretty familiar with Vanitas doing by now.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's helped me out by commenting!

More and more, Vanitas smiled. The Unversed he was creating were new, Ven was sure. These were new feelings that had been born in his heart, and though they were still filled with negative energy… Vanitas was getting better at it, not giving enough up to feel hollow. It had been days, weeks even, since Vanitas had last emptied himself.

He certainly wasn’t empty in that moment.

Bright red with embarrassment, Vanitas sat with his arms wound around a Thornbite. It was a normal one, not the one that went limp and fell to the ground with its withering petals. This Unversed, it was an emotion that seemed to go hand in hand with that newer, more powerful emotion. What Vanitas held on to was a more mundane regret.

“You could have just _told_ me you liked it,” Ven said finally, and Vanitas shot him a glance that was almost betrayed. For a moment Ventus thought he might call his mask back, filling it in once more rather than just the jaw section he’d put back on. “I’m not mad at you for it.”

“I know you aren’t.”

“Well, I want to make sure you do! But I do wish you hadn’t hidden that. Did you think I would make fun of you?”

“I found it insignificant to share,” Vanitas mumbled, not meeting his eyes. What sat in front of him, on a single piece of cloth, was a collection of strawberry tops, and what remained of a grape vine, and a peach pit. Though he hadn’t known not to eat the leaves of the strawberries before being told, Vanitas had quite clearly figured out what parts of the other fruits were and weren’t edible. “Fine! It was embarrassing, okay? How was I supposed to react with you staring at me like that? Of course I didn’t…”

“Jeez… Well, it doesn’t matter. I like eating too. How much of the food did you eat?”

Vanitas paused, but whether he was reluctant to speak or genuinely thinking about it Ven couldn’t tell. “Some.”

“That’s not really helpful.”

“I didn’t keep a list, Ventus.”

“Okay, I guess that’s fair.” Ven didn’t think he’d kept track of how much he’d eaten either. Bread, cheese, handfuls of fruit… it wasn’t something he’d been counting. He simply ate it, and hoped another crate would appear before the supply was exhausted. The fact that he hadn’t noticed more of it disappearing than what he’d eaten made Ventus feel unbelievably stupid. But they _were_ keeping the food in a dark cave.

If Vanitas was eating it too, maybe rationing it was a good idea.

“So when you were carrying the crate, were you taking it to eat it?” As annoying as it would have been to find all the food gone, the idea that Vanitas had been secretly snacking was funny. Ven couldn’t laugh, though. He had promised Vanitas that he wouldn’t, so he couldn’t.

“No.” Vanitas wasn’t lying. It was easy enough to see that in his eyes, since he didn’t avert them. Though it had been Ven’s first thought, it seemed Vanitas hadn’t been spiriting away the food to eat away his loneliness. “I just…”

Raising his eyebrows, Ven waited.

“You like food,” Vanitas said awkwardly, and now his flushed cheeks had nothing to do with having been caught eating after pretending he didn’t care for it. Ventus considered the words carefully, as if lifting them up to find the true meaning beneath them. Connecting the dots wasn’t particularly hard.

“You were bringing it to me?”

“I thought you were asleep.”

That certainly explained things, Ven thought to himself. Still, it made his heart feel just a bit warmer. What Vanitas had been planning on doing was dropping the food off and sneaking away once more. He’d simply been trying to do something for him. “Since you thought I didn’t want to see you, you were just going to leave it while I was asleep.”

“… yes.” Vanitas was starting to make something, an Unversed he didn’t recognize. It fit in the palms of his hands if barely, a massive curved white shell that was covered in crystal chunks. Within the opening of it, Ven could make out something red. Thin little strands peeked out from the shell, waving up and down before tucking back in.

Hidden away, something was inside. Once he set it down on the beach, Vanitas seemed more collected. The color in his face was starting to fade, leaving him looking normal again. Just from that, Ven was positive that it was his own embarrassment that Vanitas had pushed a bit of out. Vanitas was embarrassed about the situation and the misunderstandings.

Scratching the back of his head, Ven sighed. He really had given Vanitas the wrong idea, there was no getting around that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he needed to be more aware. It wasn’t that Vanitas was an ignorant child and needed to be taught everything, because he wasn’t and didn’t. Whether or not Vanitas lacked maturity, Ventus could no longer really say. He’d certainly gained it in spades, no longer under the thumb of someone who treated him as a puppet that wasn’t human. But there were things he still lacked.

Ven couldn’t say he was much better than Vanitas in that regard. Communication having broken down like that… Vanitas hadn’t been able to understand such a vague outburst, and Ven couldn’t blame him. The things he said had to be the things he meant. Maybe one day that would change, and Vanitas would be able to understand without clear words. Until then, both of them needed to be more open with each other. What peeked out of the shell for just a moment was a crab, and then Vanitas was taking it back in.

“Thank you,” Ven said plainly. Nudging aside the discontent that came with that prior misunderstanding, Ven focused on the reality. Vanitas had been thinking about him, and that did make him happy. Hating it, Vanitas had still kept away for his sake. Vanitas didn’t know how to respond to the words he’d just spoken, and just stared at his knees with flushed cheeks. Grinning as wide as he could, Ven reached out to what remained in the crate and extracted an apple. “So why are you breaking this down? More shelves?”

Vanitas pursed his lips, finally pulling in the Thornbite again. What he created instead was a Blue Sea Salt, wobbling unsteadily. Automatically, Ventus stretched a hand out to it and pulled it toward him with no care to the uncertainty and hesitation that chilled his fingers. He reached out to it, because if he didn’t Vanitas would do it himself.

“Let go of that.” Vanitas was already holding a hand out to try and tug it back, but Ven wound his arms tightly around the Unversed. In mere seconds, Vanitas seemed to realize what he was trying to accomplish. It didn’t make him happy about it, but he retracted his extended hand and a wisp of energy with it.

Immediately, the feeling that had been radiating into him lessened. What Vanitas had pulled back was some of the emotion itself, but the negativity that shaped the Unversed remained. Safely contained in a different form, it merely sat dormant and docile. If there was a trick to it, Vanitas had definitely found it.

Maybe the trick was simply not wanting too many of his emotions to impact Ven.

“So? You have to have something planned to do with it, or you wouldn’t be pulling it apart.” Vanitas snorted, running a finger down the side of the half-deconstructed crate. He definitely had something in mind, and Ven got the impression that he wasn’t going to find out until Vanitas was done with it.

“Guess you’ll see,” Vanitas said with some smugness, and Ventus shoved him over.

For a moment, both of them froze. Though Vanitas’s startled expression would normally have been funny, Ven couldn’t find it so. There was no way roughhousing existed in Vanitas’s memories, and Ven could only peer anxiously at him. In Vanitas’s eyes, what had just happened?

When he opened his mouth to speak, to apologize or explain himself or _something_ , Vanitas flashed him a smile that was perhaps a bit too thrilled.

“Ventus, you can swim right?”

“Of course I can sw-”

It was all the warning he got, before hands were on him and he was no longer on the beach and was in fact in the air. Ventus took a breath to shout, and regretted it immediately as water closed over his head. Tumbling helplessly to the sand below he realized, bewildered, that Vanitas had somehow placed him several feet above the ocean to let gravity take him.

Wanting to groan, Ven instead kicked his way to the surface to look around in a daze. Vanitas was standing on the shore in the distance, and though he couldn’t make out the expression on his face there was a cluster of Red Hot Chili around him that smiled gleefully. In that moment, those smiles seemed unspeakably obnoxious. Spitting out what he’d almost swallowed, Ven caught his breath and tread water. He was at least a hundred feet from the shore.

Vanitas had grabbed him, and in an instant transported him that far out. The way he’d flickered around the battlefield when they’d fought, appearing and disappearing in different areas to strike from new angles, it was some skill he still had. Ventus wished he hadn’t found out about it in such a hands-on manner. That was how Vanitas had disappeared from his sight from within the Unversed that had captured him, and it was why Vanitas seemed to be able to be anywhere he wanted to be. He _was_ able to be anywhere he wanted to be.

With that determined, thoroughly annoyed, Ven swam his way back to shore. It seemed that Vanitas did in fact know what it meant to roughhouse. And, like many other things, he couldn’t be tame or subdued about it. Unbuckling his spaulder and yanking his dripping shirt off, Ventus scowled.

“You could have given me some warning, you know!”

Vanitas, watching him oddly closely, shrugged. “I did. You didn’t figure it out fast enough. That’s not my concern.”

“How was I supposed to realize you asking me if I could swim meant you were planning on throwing me in the ocean, huh?” Balling up his wet shirt, Ven threw it at Vanitas. His armor was soaked, but he didn’t know if it could get damaged by the salt. The sea in Neverland hadn’t had any impact, though. Ventus didn’t think it could be damaged by anything but magic or a Keyblade, really.

His armor.

Ven looked down at the shoulder plate in his hand, before putting it back on. Against his bare arm, it felt cool and strange. Ignoring that sensation, Ven instead pressed the gem as he’d done so many times in the past.

In all the time he’d spent in this place, Ventus had never once tried to activate his armor. If he had, a long time ago he would have realized it was still there and able to be called upon. Staring at his hands, Ven turned them over, not sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was. The armor that his master had given him was still right there with him and had been all along.

As soon as the thought entered his head, Ventus knew that wasn’t the truth. With no body, this wasn’t his real armor. It couldn’t be, because the form he was taking in that moment was a projection of his heart which was sleeping still within another. His armor, a real, tangible thing… it _wasn’t_ actually there with him. His clothes weren’t there with him.

The Wayfinder that Aqua had given him so long ago, made with her love and tying him to her and Terra, wasn’t there with him.

“Your memories are strong,” Vanitas remarked dourly, and when Ven raised his face to look at the other boy it was to see him faintly flushed and wringing the water out of the shirt that had been thrown at him. With no words, Ventus simply pressed the gem again. The memory of his armor vanished, as if it had never been. A suit of armor was useless in a place where he couldn’t get hurt. Likely, it wouldn’t even protect him from the strikes of the Unversed. The Unversed wouldn’t hurt him anymore, Ven was sure. Vanitas couldn’t bring himself to hurt him, and the Unversed were extensions of Vanitas’s own desires and emotions.

The only person who remained in genuine danger was Vanitas, who the armor wouldn’t fit.

“Ventus.” Vanitas pushed his now-dry shirt against his chest, confusing him immensely and derailing his train of thought completely. As soon as he actually looked at Vanitas again, Ventus realized that the shirt he was holding wasn’t his at all. Vanitas had taken his own shirt off, handing it over to him to replace the one that had been soaked. That one was slung over Vanitas’s bare shoulder, and he put his hands on his hips and averted his gaze only slightly with his reddened cheeks. All of the Unversed he had made were gone save one, and as Ven watched Vanitas pulled the lid off it and dumped the wet fabric inside.

“Hey!”

“I’m not setting it on fire, relax.” Vanitas settled the lid back down, and then raised an eyebrow at him. The shirt wasn’t real, but Ven wasn’t sure what would happen to that memory if it was damaged. Could he simply re-remember it back onto his body? Ven didn’t feel like finding out. Vanitas had possibly done that with his mask, but the way he had removed it in life definitely made it uncertain.

“In life,” he had just thought. Were they in a state outside of life? Or was it simply an easier way to think of the difference between the moment he was in and the time before he’d fallen asleep? Perhaps the sleep that he was sleeping, that both of them were sleeping, could be called something between life and death. That was somehow impossibly complicated and amazingly simple at the same time. He wasn’t sure that he liked the idea. It was too much to chew on, and Ventus didn’t know if he was up to it.

Before Ven could ponder that more, a loud clattering noise emanated from somewhere further in on the island. Vanitas’s head whipped around, his gaze locking onto the shack. Energy began to collect around him, taking and losing shape as if Vanitas’s emotions in that moment were muddled. Frowning, Vanitas waved the cloud aside and what finally formed from it was massive, large enough that either or both of them could simply climb atop it. What Vanitas had created was a pure-white bear, and for some reason it was covered in what looked like brown leather armor. It turned to look at him with determined eyes, revealing the Unversed emblem it bore on its forehead.

Vanitas’s expression had evened out a little, and he began to walk across the beach to where the noise had come from. The bear stayed put, keeping close to Ven instead. What Vanitas approached was the shack, his hands loose at his sides in a way that nevertheless radiated a readiness to fight. If something was there, Vanitas was prepared to swing. Though his underclothes were dripping still, Ventus hurriedly pulled Vanitas’s shirt on and buckled his spaulder over the sleeve. The memory of his armor was probably pointless, but he’d rather have it than not.

“… Huh,” Vanitas said, looking between him and the open door of the shack. For some reason Vanitas paused while looking at him, and something in his gaze felt strangely intense as his eyes flicked up and down. Ventus furrowed his brow, unsure as to what that meant. Bringing one hand to his mouth, Vanitas told him something vague. “Hit it again.”

“What?”

“Your armor, stupid.” Ven wanted to roll his eyes, but Vanitas acting casually with him actually lifted his spirits. Belatedly, Ven recognized what he’d seen in Vanitas’s eyes seconds before the other boy had dumped him in the ocean. The fact that he’d treated Vanitas the way he would have treated Terra and Aqua in the same situation, that was what he’d been so thrilled by.

It was a little endearing. Being called stupid was less so. Rather than confronting Vanitas on that, he focused on the moment.

“Why?” Ventus couldn’t help how suspicious his tone was. There was no way Vanitas was asking him to do that for no reason. Even if it probably wasn’t bad, he didn’t know what that reason really was.

“Just do it!”

Narrowing his eyes, Ven cautiously pressed his fingers to the gem on his spaulder. Immediately, Vanitas looked into the shack. Whatever he was seeing was what he expected, some of the lines in his forehead smoothing out. Nodding faintly, he spoke. “Alright, again.”

“You just told me to put it on!” It was something about his armor, but Ven was helpless as to what. He felt stupid, and peered into the shack with the hopes that it would explain something. It didn’t. Nothing about the place was any different. Knowing he couldn’t decipher what was going on from what he was looking at, Ventus resignedly hit his armor again. “Okay, I did it. Now would you explain?”

Vanitas was looking at him oddly again, and when he held a hand out the Red Hot Chili he’d made darted towards them. He wasn’t recalling it, nor was he extracting the shirt from it again. The person the Unversed fixated on was Ven, circling his body so closely that he could feel the heat it was giving off. Indeed, within seconds it was growing more intense. It didn’t hurt in the slightest, though Ven suspected it would have if he’d had a real body. After it had made several tight laps Vanitas nodded much more noticeably than he had moments before, and once the Unversed left his side Ventus realized his clothes were simply damp rather than soaked.

All Ven could think was how mundane it had been.

“Will you _please_ tell me what’s going on?” Vanitas shrugged, pulling the bear back into himself. He’d missed his chance to touch it, too preoccupied by the situation. A little annoyed, Ven could only accept that there wasn’t much he could do there.

“Just wait,” Vanitas said, completely unhelpfully. As much as he liked Vanitas these days, there were still plenty of parts of him that were grating and frustrating. His vagueness was one of them. Puffing his cheeks out, Ventus shoved his hands in his pockets. Even if it was only a memory, the feeling of his Wayfinder there was reassuring.

“Is something going to happen or are you just messing with me?”

Not answering, Vanitas merely pulled his shirt out of the Unversed and handed it back to him dry. A little awkwardly, since he was loathe to just put his spaulder on the beach where it could collect sand, Ven traded back to his own shirt and returned the borrowed one. Again came that weird look in Vanitas’s eyes, this time directed at the fabric in his hands. He didn’t say anything, simply staring at the shirt Ventus had just been wearing as his cheeks dusted with pink again. It seemed almost like he wanted to do something with it other than simply putting it back on.

“Vanitas, is something going on?”

“No. Yes. There,” Vanitas stretched his hand out, pointing into the darkness of the shack, “Something’s going to happen.”

He hadn’t meant about the shack, but Ven didn’t know how to say that and simply let it go. The silence that began to stretch between them only lasted a few seconds before a cacophonous clanging ended it. Automatically, Ventus covered his ears and reduced that noise to mere rattling. Once it ended entirely Ven looked into the shack again to find, in an unceremonious heap, his armor.

“ _What?_ ”

“Told you something would happen.”

Wanting to elbow Vanitas in the side, Ven instead took a few steps into the shack and crouched to start straightening his armor out. It had just fallen to the ground for some reason, not returning to…

Where did his armor go when he wasn’t wearing it? Until that moment, Ventus had thought it simply ceased to exist when it wasn’t in use. The armor was a magical construct made to ward against darkness, able to be summoned and banished at a moment’s notice. Since it was magical in nature, maybe it _would_ fit Vanitas if he were to wear the spaulder. Ven wasn’t inclined to try.

Made to ward against darkness… wearing something like that might be dangerous for Vanitas.

“Don’t think too hard, you’re gonna go up in flames.” Vanitas seemed quite pleased with himself, aiming a bright and obnoxious smirk at him. He was pulling his shirt back on, lingering a little as he tugged it over his shoulder.

With a flat expression, Ven picked up one of his gloves and strongly considered throwing it at Vanitas. Instead, he set it down in place. Though it was missing the pieces he wore still, he’d arranged what had fallen into the general shape it would have taken on his body. Perhaps all along, once Ven no longer needed his armor it had gone somewhere physical as well. Perhaps it had something to do with the nature of the heart they were sleeping within. His Keyblade didn’t go somewhere else when he wasn’t using it, after all.

“Do you know why it did that?” Though he didn’t want to admit it, Ven knew Vanitas probably had a better idea than him. Maybe because he’d been raised by Xehanort, Vanitas had insight into the nature of a heart that he couldn’t hope to match. That made it a little disappointing when Vanitas shrugged as if to say he had no solid answers.

“Of course. Wait, no. That’s not true. Well, I don’t know, but…” Though Vanitas paused, it was brief. “I only have a guess. It’s not the real thing and lacks its protective qualities, but you’re still emotionally attached to it. You don’t want it to go away for good. My thought is that the level of empathy present in this heart is responding to that. Not sure why it’s showing up here specifically, I half-expected it to drop somewhere else and I’d have to go find it.”

“What about your mask, then? That didn’t fall out of the air after you took it off!”

“I removed the face plate. That portion has never existed as a separate piece. Either it’s whole, or there’s no plate.” With steady hands, Vanitas ran a finger down the metal that lined his jaw. Ventus wasn’t entirely sure he understood. As if sensing that, Vanitas clicked his tongue. “What you’re wearing now is a memory, same as the armor. I don’t have any memories of just a face plate. Everything you have… your heart is full of those memories.”

It was soothing, actually. In a way, his armor and Wayfinder _were_ there because his memories of them were there. Maybe that was good enough.

“Our bodies are no different, as far as I can tell. What we wear, flesh and clothing both, are crafted from the strongest memories we have of our forms. Because it’s mutable, variations can be made. Of course, we can’t simply pull our bodies off the way we can remove clothing. We have no memories of doing so and definitely can’t really imagine it, so it’s beyond our capabilities unless we are able to form a picture of it and consider it ourselves. Probably, the only way to truly appear as what we are rather than just glimpses is via the strength of our hearts waning so much that our… projections, cannot be sustained. Something like that, a heart weakened that much… if our remembered forms are gone, it’s seriously bad news. Not “sleep it off” bad, I’m talking likely fatal. Since we can’t get hurt much in here though, not much of a concern. Nothing much happens that we can’t shrug off with time, and our hearts are in much better shape than before.”

“What do you mean, glimpses?” It was hard to wrap his head around all of what was being said, and so Ventus latched onto the thing he understood least. What they truly were? This was what he truly was, Ven thought. But Vanitas had said something very, very different.

“… you can’t see it.”

“Guess not, since I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Though it was faint, Vanitas was troubled by this. That wasn’t something he was alone in. Vanitas could see something he wasn’t seeing. Which one of them was right?

“I can see the form of your heart beneath the memory of your body. Ever since we came here it’s been there. I always see your remembered form, but sometimes I also see your heart’s true shape. Right in your chest, there’s a light. Sometimes… sometimes it flickers.” Something in Vanitas’s tone gave Ven the impression that those moments unnerved or even frightened him. “But it’s always there. Ah, maybe that’s it… It’s not very bright, is it? My heart.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Ventus started slowly. He wouldn’t, but he wasn’t sure what he _would_ say. “It’s not like your heart is all darkness or something. I don’t think it ever really was, either. Can a heart actually exist that’s just darkness or just light?”

“The Princesses of Heart,” Vanitas replied immediately, before sighing at his blank expression. His tiny little world, Vanitas had called it back then. It seemed he had been right about that. Ven had no idea who the Princess of Heart were. “And the Heartless. The seven Princesses, they bear hearts of pure light. The ma… Xehanort was curious about them. What he did, he basically turned you into one. A heart of pure light, just like those seven. It’s not exactly the same, but you could say that by creating me he turned you into an artificial Princess of Heart.”

Ven didn’t know what to say to that, how to protest that idea, but Vanitas was already continuing.

“Guess you’d be a Prince of Heart, though. Can’t imagine you as a princess, sorry to say. Nah, but you’d make a poor prince too.”

“Hey!”

“Well… maybe that’s not true. You might do okay.” Vanitas’s eyes were soft. “Either way, pure light or not, it didn’t work out as intended. Probably, now that I’m inaccessible to him, he’ll utilize the real princesses. The Heartless, probably not. They’re too inconsistent, their loyalty is up in the air. There’s no guarantee they’ll follow orders. Heartless can’t be relied on. Worthless.”

“I don’t know what that means.” There was little point in hiding that. Vanitas could probably already read it on his face. Not for the first time Ventus wondered how transparent he could be to Vanitas, who caught glimpses of and into his heart. It seemed the answer was, sometimes, “crystal-clear”. Then again, even a stranger could read how lost he was. Though he wanted to protest the idea that Xehanort was still around to have plans, Ven instead focused on the rest. “What’s a Heartless anyway?”

“You serious? You forgot that?” As soon as Ven opened his mouth to protest, Vanitas held a hand up. The dismissive gesture only made him want to speak more, but there was something there in the tiniest ripples of his memories. Heartless. Vanitas had said the name already, and it had been familiar enough that Ventus hadn’t thought about it at all. He knew what Heartless were, he had known it once. Heartless were… “What the master summoned forth, beings of darkness. Monsters, inhuman creatures born of hearts drowned in darkness. Hearts that had succumbed and renounced their sense of self and who they used to be, that no longer have the desire to do anything but…”

The look on Vanitas’s face wasn’t something that Ventus liked at all. Worse was what Vanitas did next, looking at his own hands with an expression tinged with…

“Vanitas, are…”

“Don’t say it.”

Horror.

It was horror in Vanitas’s eyes, and Ven couldn’t ask. The Heartless were left only with a desire to do something that he didn’t know, but that wasn’t what he’d been about to speak. That question that he’d begun to voice was a lot more painful, Ventus thought.

Inconsistent hearts filled with darkness that were no longer the person who they had been before. He could think of a heart that fit that description far too closely. That heart didn’t meet his eyes, and instead released the emotions within it to spare itself.

Tank Topplers, Blue Sea Salt, dozens and dozens of Axe Flappers. They swarmed listlessly around their creator, bouncing and bobbing along as he pushed out something far stronger. A massive Unversed that he had only seen once was taking shape on the beach, far taller than he was. He’d chased it down in the Lanes Between, years ago. A wavering shape, a cloaked phantom of such a pale blue that it was almost white. What could have been tentacles undulated before him, parting to reveal the mark on its chest. More than anything it looked like a ghost, an Unversed he’d once defeated. Before Vanitas could stop him, Ventus pressed a hand to it.

After a moment, he pulled that hand away and looked at Vanitas. The other boy didn’t look back. Painful emotions lived within him, and if Vanitas met his eyes he would become ashamed of those feelings. That was the truth of it. Hating that he had become someone else, having become miserable over it… that was what he had laid hands on, and that was something that Vanitas hadn’t wanted him to understand.

“You’re right to think it. I turned into someone else. I lived in darkness. I change from moment to moment with little-to-no warning, inconsistent. I, I can’t be relied on. My desire…” Ven knew what it had been, back then. Whether or not it mapped, he couldn’t say. What was Vanitas? Had they found a frightening answer to a question neither of them had thought had existed? Instead, Ven asked something different.

“Vanitas, what… do Heartless want?”

Quietly, Vanitas answered him with a single chilling word.

“Hearts.”

“But… they _are_ hearts. They already have them.”

“You misunderstand. Heartless aren’t trying to obtain something or replace something, they’re not even sentient as far as I know. They seek out anything with a heart out of an instinct to… I don’t know. Multiply, maybe. That’s what happens when they manage to capture them at least. Maybe… maybe they’re just seeking the light they’d lost.” Neither of them wanted to follow up on that train of thought. The light that Vanitas had lost, where it lived was… “It’s not like they’re invincible, not even close. They can be beaten down by someone with skill. Someone without skill, without someone else to bail them out or some special protection, is doomed. The hearts the Heartless steal are plunged into darkness, and from those hearts more Heartless are born.”

The creatures his former master had called forth for him to defeat… if he hadn’t been spared, he would have become one of them. _They_ would have become one of them, because both of them had been Ventus back then. Vanitas had shared all his emotions in that moment. Vanitas had been afraid too.

“Then, back then. What happened before you were here. That-”

“Has nothing to do with us anymore.”

Ventus supposed that was true. Slowly, Vanitas began to pull his feelings in one by one. Having calmed from pushing them out, he could take them back and process them. The method worked, and Vanitas had barely been empty at all. They could both take solace in that.

Neither of them voiced it again for what could have been years, the idea that Vanitas was perhaps a Heartless.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back to Roxas, and finally some straight-up comedy again. Some confusing memories surface, Roxas feels Funny™, Xion makes a fashion choice, and Ven pokes some serious fun at Vanitas's expense.
> 
> As always, thank you to everyone who's commented as it's all that keeps me posting!

“Get _back_ here!” It wasn’t what he really wanted to wake up to, and Roxas turned his head to bury his face in the mattress. Ven’s laughter was outright gleeful, echoing against the stone walls that lined the cove. Beside him, Xion stirred – and promptly fell out of bed onto the floor. That was an occurrence that was really too common, and Vanitas completing his work on the new bed couldn’t come soon enough. Groaning, Roxas rolled over and sat to extend a hand to her. Xion took it naturally. At the very least, hitting the ground didn’t hurt. There was that much.

Once she was back on her feet, Xion glanced for a moment at the coat she’d taken off the night before she’d climbed into bed. For the first time, she made no move to take it and instead walked out to the beach with her feet bare. Not saying anything or knowing if there was anything to say, Roxas simply got up and followed her.

When he peeked out at the beach, the sight he saw was…

Riku, chasing after a laughing Sora.

It was for a second and no longer, and when he lowered his hands from rubbing his eyes things were as they should have been from the start. Vanitas, furious, finally managed to snag the back of Ven’s shirt to yank him back. Whatever Ven had done had been intentional, and it had probably been annoying too. He had been enjoying it immensely, right up until that moment where he’d been captured.

“Xion,” Roxas muttered under his breath, and from the uneasy expression he saw when she turned to him, it hadn’t been something just in his head. Something similar had happened before, hadn’t it? The image of Sora, replacing Ven for only a moment. What was happening? Even as the question crossed his mind, an answer surfaced as well.

Though he wasn’t sure why, Roxas thought that what they were seeing were the memories that lived in Sora’s heart jumping out in response to things that resonated with them. Xion had said it already, that the echoes of those memories reached her. Maybe, it was something that was triggered.

“Ventus, _what_ did you do with them?” Vanitas growled the question out, and it only served to make Ven begin laughing again. Even when Vanitas grabbed both of his cheeks and tugged, Ven remained delighted. The image of Riku and Sora was completely gone now, no traces remaining. Roxas didn’t have the faintest clue what “they” were that Ven had taken. “Ventus it isn’t funny!”

“Aww,” Ven cooed, reaching to pinch Vanitas’s nose. It only made him angrier, his face flushing a rosy pink. Though Vanitas was pulling harder, Roxas knew it didn’t hurt. The look on his face made Roxas want to chuckle under his breath, because whatever he was mad about was definitely harmless. Ven’s words were slurred when he spoke, but not enough that he was rendered incoherent. “You’re shooo shmart, sho I bet you gan figure it out. Hmm, Vanitash?”

With that same expression of unbridled rage, Vanitas leaned in so close that his forehead bumped against Ven’s. Both of Ven’s hands moved to grab Vanitas’s cheeks in turn, but it didn’t seem like Ven was interested in yanking on them the way Vanitas was yanking his. Just with that act the feeling in the air had changed, and Vanitas tilted his head almost imperceptibly as he relaxed his grip. His face was calmer now, intent but no longer dripping with anger. Ven’s mischievous grin was gone as well, replaced by a much softer smile. Something about it, the look on Vanitas’s face, the heat in his gaze that could be seen even in profile, made Roxas’s heart beat faster. Anticipating something that Roxas was helpless to predict, both of their expressions had grown…

“You are _very_ lucky you’re so-” Abruptly, Vanitas abandoned his whispered sentence and turned his head to look at them. Ven followed his line of sight, and immediately pulled his hands from Vanitas with his face reddening. Though he scowled and blushed as well, his cheeks a vivid crimson that seemed astounding to Roxas, Vanitas yanked Ven’s face again. “If they’re in that cave, I swear…”

“They’re not,” Ven mumbled, clearly embarrassed. Scoffing, Vanitas let go of him and crossed his arms over his chest as those blue, ratlike Unversed spilled from him and scattered to leave him far more subdued. “They’re in the tower. Uh… Hi Roxas, hi Xion. Did… we wake you up?”

“Er… yeah, sort of.” There wasn’t much point in pretending otherwise. The question was something Ven had already known the answer to, probably. When his eyes lit upon Xion, Ven’s ruddy cheeks seemed to lose some of that flustered color. Rather than embarrassed, he was now simply curious.

“Xion, you’re not wearing your coat?” It was the first time she hadn’t, and Ven commenting on it clearly made Xion self-conscious. She rubbed at her forearm with one hand, not meeting his gaze. Beneath that coat was a simple black shirt, sleeveless. The same kind he’d worn under his own coat, but it wasn’t something Roxas needed anymore. He had them back now, the clothes he’d been born with.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Roxas frowned. He’d been born in those clothes, but why? It wasn’t what Ven wore, nor was it what Sora wore. Where had those clothes actually come from? Xion was speaking, so he filed that topic away for another time.

“Is… that bad?”

“No, no! No way, I was just surprised.” Vanitas remained silent. His expression was almost blank, with only the faintest hint of what could have been agreement. That didn’t seem quite right. Roxas wondered if he’d be able to decipher it if Vanitas met his eyes, but he was unfortunately but understandably looking at Xion. “Mind if I ask why?”

“Well,” Xion started slowly, only slightly reassured by Ven’s response, “We’re on an island, after all. It’s warm all the time. Wearing a coat like this, it just seems sort of… and it’s not as if it does me any good in here, right? It’s not actually real, so even if the real thing was supposed to repel darkness the one I have here doesn’t do anything at all.”

“It’s not wrong.” Vanitas shrugged as he said it, a slight raising of his shoulders. “Ventus’s armor is the same, it has no protective properties beyond emotional reassurance. Admittedly, that does mean a lot in a place like this. But it’s not everything, it can only bolster him emotionally and not literally shield his actual heart. All of the things in here are made up of memories, even our forms.”

“Your clothes aren’t,” Ven replied immediately, voicing what Roxas had instantly thought before he could. Ven had already told him that Vanitas’s clothes had come from the sea, as strange as that sounded out of context. Vanitas turned a dull expression to him, raising one slender eyebrow pointedly.

“Yes they are. A modified memory. They’re a combination of what I was born wearing and what I wore before that. You’re smart enough to piece that together, I thought you already figured it out.”

“Well it’s not an outfit that ever existed outside of here!”

“Either way, it’s based in reality and memory. Xion’s right, there’s no point to the coat other than for, ha. Fashion, I guess. It’s not like it gets particularly cold outside of storms, it doesn’t rain much, it’s never snowed. Not much point in a jacket.” That made perfect sense, of course. If it only rained when Sora cried, of course it almost never happened. Though, the possibility of ice or snow had Roxas frowning. What would make it snow in Sora’s heart? The weather was tied to what he felt, so what would bring snow? But it had never happened over the course of ten years, so perhaps the answer was “nothing at all”.

“Guess that’s true,” Xion murmured, and now her mood did seem to have been bolstered. The corners of her lips had turned up ever-so-slightly. That, and the wry smile on Vanitas’s face, were both a welcome sight. It wasn’t a smile like Sora’s, the smile that Vanitas smiled. Uneven, unbalanced even, a smile that made him look as if he was pursing his lips. One corner was always higher than the other, his cheeks faintly dimpling. A smile that was Vanitas’s alone. How different were they, the smiles that Roxas himself and Ven smiled?

It made him wonder. Though Vanitas shared Sora’s face, there were differences that were immediately noticeable. Jet-black hair and piercing yellow eyes, pale skin to contrast Sora’s sun-kissed features, a striking appearance to set him apart. Xion was much the same, her black hair setting her aside from the girl whose form had molded hers. They were people who looked so similar, but could be recognized as themselves with a single glance. Where were the differences between himself and Ven? If they were to wear the same clothing, what would there be to tell them apart besides a glimpse at the hearts beating in their chests?

Why was it that he had no differences, when everyone else did?

“It’s not like we can just give you something else to wear, really,” Ven was saying, and Roxas had no idea how long he had been speaking. His thoughts had consumed him, drowning out even the feeling of comfortable excitement that had come at the sight of that lopsided smile. Surely a distinction existed, some part of him that existed nowhere on Ven’s body. Unable as he was to see the entirety of his being, Roxas couldn’t hope to know it. Somewhere, it had to exist. He listened to what Ven said. “I don’t, uh, I can’t say for sure what triggered the crate that gave Vanitas what he’s wearing, no idea about the one Roxas got. We can’t just push a button and get new clothes, after all.”

“True enough,” Vanitas chuckled, looking far too amused by the words. There was some context missing for that, Roxas was sure. But it was a relief to see everyone smiling even if he didn’t know why. “Roxas, those clothes are something you had before, right?”

“Uh, y-yeah! Yes.” Roxas looked down at himself, tugging the hem of his shirt with sudden nervousness. All attention was on him, which only made it worse. Had he stuttered? He couldn’t keep from blushing. “I was… The first memories I have, before Xemnas brought me to the castle, I was wearing this.”

“Hmm. You were born clothed, then…” Eventually, Vanitas shrugged. “Nothing I haven’t seen before. Makes as much sense as any of it, I guess.”

“ _Does_ it? There’s an explanation for you, obviously.” Roxas had no idea what Ven meant by that, and neither did Xion from her expression. Whatever it was, Vanitas’s face was taking on a faint red hue. He was embarrassed, Roxas realized with some delight. He was crafting an Unversed, as if trying to keep it at bay and prevent himself from turning into a tomato. Whatever it was dropped to the ground behind him, and all Roxas managed to see was a chunk of white that sped away. “Ha! You know even though I never said it out loud? Once I really thought about it I figured that, in a manner of speaking, Vanitas was-”

“I was _not-_ ”

“If your clothes were made of darkne-” Vanitas was bright red now despite the Unversed, clapping a hand over Ven’s mouth. Even with that, Ven’s eyes were gleaming with mischief. As if it would help keep him quiet, Vanitas threw his other arm around Ven’s neck, catching him in a headlock.

“I wasn’t!” Though he clearly had Ven physically restrained, Vanitas just as visibly shuddered. Then he was yanking his hand back with a disgusted look, wiping it on his shirt. Ven had licked his hand, and Roxas had to stifle a laugh at that. “Ventus you’re _disgusting_.”

Xion’s snorting giggle had Ven beaming, and before he knew it Roxas was laughing as well. It was something that seemed very Sora-like, what Ven had just done. Maybe that was why those strange things that happened, what appeared to be Sora’s memories. Because Ven _was_ like Sora, in more than one way.

“Anyway,” Ven said, ducking out from under Vanitas’s loosened grip, “Vanitas’s body, when he had one at least, was something that was constructed from darkness, so he was-”

“ _Ventus!_ ” Roxas thought he could understand a little better why Ven had said what he’d said about Vanitas before. There was something incredibly, amusingly endearing about Vanitas in that moment, with his eyes wide and his cheeks flushed, frantic to keep Ven from saying whatever it was he was going to. “Shut up, I’m gonna-”

“Nngd,” Ven said articulately, unable to speak with Vanitas’s hand squashing his cheeks together. Vanitas squeezed harder, glancing between the two of them as if to assess whether or not they’d deciphered Ven’s statement. Based on the look on Xion’s face, she was just as clueless as Roxas was. Though he wanted to think back over Ven’s words to try and figure out where he had been going with his sentence, Roxas was finding it hard to tear his eyes from Vanitas’s flustered face. It was such a departure from his normal stoic demeanor that the sight was almost hypnotizing.

Xion’s abrupt, strangled laughter told Roxas that she had no such distraction. When he looked to her, it was to see she’d clapped both of her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide in realization. Vanitas’s expression crumpled into harmless despair, but Ven was grinning wickedly. Without saying anything, dripping with mortification, Vanitas vanished.

“He was _naked_ ,” Ven crowed, covering his stomach with his hands as he laughed. At the words Vanitas was back, his fist landing squarely on Ven’s cheek and knocking him off his feet. It was such a solid hit that he backpedaled from it, his back slamming against a tree and shaking it. Naked. “ _Vanitas!_ ”

“I was _not_ naked and you know it!”

“Your “clothes”,” Ven’s voice made it clear how he felt about the true nature of Vanitas’s former outfit, “Were made out of the same thing as your body. Even if they weren’t, darkness isn’t clothes! You were na-”

Vanitas’s punch took care of the rest of that word, his face so heated with embarrassment that it looked as if he should have been physically steaming. Roxas couldn’t believe it, neither what was happening nor the words Ven had spoken. Naked?

“If I could take them off, _which I could,_ clearly they were-”

“Vanitas fought me in his birthday suit, literally! Every time, he was naked for four yea-”

“ _Ventus!_ ”

_Naked?_

The mere thought had him flushing, unable to fully take in the reality of that moment. If Vanitas was denying it, then surely it wasn’t true. But the memory Roxas had of Vanitas, bare-chested and covered in glistening sweat, was rising to his mind unbidden. _Surely_ Vanitas hadn’t fought like that, had been wearing something on his-

Darkness was collecting on Vanitas’s arms, coating and clinging to every curve of his muscles. It was spreading from his hands and his middle, climbing up his skin, and Ven’s laughter was manic now. Even having been knocked onto his back and now being repeatedly pummeled, Ven found what was happening to be hysterically funny. The suit beginning to cloak Vanitas’s body, overtaking his clothing and somehow overwriting even its shape, was certainly what he’d worn in the past. It was clothing, a suit that tugged vaguely at his heart for some reason. A suit formed of darkness, completely form-fitting but undeniably clothing. With that suit on his body Vanitas leaned in close to Ven, so close that their lips were almost touching when he spoke.

“ _Does this look naked to you, Ventus?_ ”

“Sure does.” Vanitas was the one that punctuated Ven’s sentence, with his fist. Some parts of that suit were what he’d been wearing before, just as both he and Ven had said. Roxas didn’t know what it was about it, what felt so faintly familiar, and so he could only stare at it. Familiar, it was so bizarrely familiar, the way it clung to Vanitas’s toned chest and stomach as if to highlight his musculature, the ribbing of the fabric-that-wasn’t, the way the colors faded from red to purp- no, not purple, black. Why had he thought of purple? Roxas had no idea and merely raked his eyes over Vanitas’s body, trying to decipher it.

It _was_ undeniably clothing, Vanitas was fully clothed, but at the same time the way the garment fit made it feel as if it had been simply painted onto bare skin. If not for Ven’s words, the idea that Vanitas was naked would have never crossed his mind. But now, because of that suit, he was unable to free his mind of the question of whether or not Riku was wearing actual-

“ _Riku?_ ” It wasn’t until both Ven and Vanitas had frozen with their gazes locked on him that Roxas realized he’d said it aloud. Riku? His mind had supplied it, and he didn’t know why. It was familiar, and he didn’t know why. Even Xion was staring at him, but in her eyes Roxas could read something besides confusion.

“It was _Riku_ ,” she breathed, before covering her mouth with her hands again. “Roxas, why are…”

“You remember it?”

“No. But, for some reason, that suit…”

Now, Vanitas was no longer furious and humiliated. He, and Ven as well, was simply baffled by their words. That was something that all four of them were united in, a spiraling feeling of being completely lost.

“Roxas,” Vanitas started, his voice completely serious with just a hint of suspicion as he got to his feet, “What, exactly, are you talking about?”

“I-I just…” Roxas winced at the way his voice cracked, not knowing where to look. Meeting Vanitas’s eyes made him feel queasy, but looking at his body was worse for some reason. He’d seen Vanitas shirtless before, hadn’t he? Why was it so awkward now, why did it make his stomach flip and flutter to see him clothed in that suit? Because it reminded him of Riku? “I think, maybe, that… Riku wore…”

“Riku.” Ven was sitting up now, frowning in concern. “Sora’s friend Riku, you mean.”

“Right…” It was Xion who answered, and Roxas merely nodded wordlessly. Riku had worn it, a suit like that. A suit in striking purple, but in that same style. In his mind’s eye, that image remained – a memory of a memory, Sora’s memory of Riku. “Riku was wearing it, wasn’t he?”

“He must have, or else it wouldn’t remind me of him. But why?” The pictures on Naminé's wall… hadn’t the Riku she had drawn worn something just like that? It was hard to remember, but that bright purple, the belted garment around his waist, it was as if the clothing Vanitas wore in that moment was the same. All that differed was color, and the remnants of a mask. No, there had been something else. What had it been? An emblem on Riku’s chest, quite unlike the pattern that traced out Vanitas’s muscles. The emblem he had seen so many times on, on… Heartless. Not knowing how to speak of that or what it meant, Roxas didn’t say a thing.

“Whenever I saw Riku he was wearing a black coat like us,” Xion started, looking even more bewildered than before. Vanitas was concerned too, his forehead covered in deep wrinkles. Both he and Ven were thinking hard about something. “Before, though, he couldn’t have been wearing that coat. He…”

“Riku… uh, have… Roxas, Xion, does Riku have silver hair? Sort of like, this long…” Ven gestured at his shoulders, making both of them nod immediately. How did Ven know that? Riku’s appearance, the remnants of Sora’s memories still echoed in his mind. Silver hair that reached just past his shoulders, vivid turquoise eyes, a satisfied smirk, the Riku that had been in this place… Vanitas’s face was twisted up in thought, the knuckles of one hand pressed against his pursed lips. “Vanitas, that’s him. The boy I’d been seeing back then, it was Riku.”

“Riku was here?” Xion’s voice was sharp with confusion, but Vanitas shook his head and dismissed that idea as soon as it was voiced. “Oh. Then what?”

“Sora’s memories manifest sometimes,” Vanitas said, his eyebrows knitted so close together that they almost touched. The suit he was wearing was starting to melt away again, to Roxas’s relief. It had been hard to look at him, had brought too many strange indecipherable feelings to pound in his chest. “Ventus has seen him before, his image… overlaid, on mine. It’s the same with Ventus himself, I’ve seen-”

“Sora. You saw Sora instead of Ven. Just now, earlier, that… And then a while back too. I thought I was going _crazy_ ,” Roxas said, sighing in relief. It wasn’t some sort of hallucination he was sharing with Xion, and what he’d suspected automatically was right. “Just now, a few minutes ago, I saw Sora and Riku instead of you guys.”

“Well, that’s one question answered,” Ven mumbled, finally getting to his feet. How many times had Vanitas and Ven witnessed Sora’s memories, people who they didn’t know suddenly replacing each other for a wildly disorienting moment? “I haven’t seen it happen in a while so it slipped my mind, but for a long time I was frustrated by that. We could recognize Sora, but neither of us had any idea who the other boy was. Or that girl I saw back then, the really little girl. Actually, she looked kind of like… that was Kairi, then.”

“You basically just said she looked like Xion, so yes.”

“That’s not right,” Xion replied, her expression painful to see. “I’m the one who looks like Kairi.”

“Who cares, you look like you to me.” Vanitas said it bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest. Roxas could only think again that it was a good thing that he was wearing his regular clothes once more. Ven had seen them, Riku… and Kairi.

Within Kairi’s heart, did something like that happen? Memories rising to be seen… but unlike him, Naminé had… What did Naminé do each day? A girl who sat on a chair and drew… a girl who drew the things she was never a part of. A girl in a cage, a girl who had always been and still was… was…

“Anyway, mystery solved. That’s Riku, then.”

“That just brings me more questions, though.” Ven sighed in frustration, but a second later there was a twinkle in his eyes. Vanitas, so lost in his own thoughts, didn’t seem to notice it. “Like, why was _Riku_ naked?”

Vanitas said nothing for an agonizingly lengthy second, before punching Ven into another tree. Time seemed to slow in that moment, the moment between Ven slamming into the trunk and…

Without any ceremony, without any warning, the seagull nest that had been hidden within those leaves tumbled from the safety of the tree and onto Xion’s head.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's double-chapter Friday! Since this chapter is super short, I'll be posting a second one immediately after. For now here's blankie Ven and a new Unversed, featuring Vanitas talking to himself and keeping some secrets. Feelings are hard for him.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented!

Ven wasn’t sure why he awoke, seeing nothing at all and knowing it was the middle of the night. The presence of his armor in the shack had opened up the question of whether or not it was an acceptable bedroom. It wasn’t as if he was planning on summoning it again, but if it just dropped out of thin air then it was impractical to say the least. But for now, the sand was marginally softer than anywhere else. All they really had was a blanket to cushion themselves, after all.

One day Ven thought he might like to move to the room in the tree, so that the morning light could be something he saw. Right now, that light didn’t exist quite yet. And he’d woken up because he was alone.

Rubbing one eye, Ventus wobbled to his feet with his blanket wrapped around him. Vanitas had gone somewhere, though the moon was high in the sky when Ven opened the door to the shack. He wished he knew how Vanitas was teleporting around the island, but at the same time it wouldn’t really help him in that moment. Ven didn’t know where Vanitas was, after all. Either way, he would have to look.

“Vanitas?” Predictably, he received no reply. His instinct, drowsy as Ven was, was that Vanitas had slunk away to the cove. It was almost like he’d chosen the cave there as a hideaway. Though it was dark, the moonlight made it so that he could see well enough to get around. Ven considered the tunnel that served as a shortcut between the two sides of the island. If he went that way, he’d avoid getting his feet wet by going around.

Tying his blanket around his neck like a stupid cape, Ventus climbed up to that hole and crawled through it to the other side. The rock was chilly, making him more eager to scramble out as fast as possible. He hit the ground in a puff of sand, making his way to the ledge to peer over it. Before he could do so, Ven heard Vanitas’s voice. He wasn’t speaking loudly, but he wasn’t quite whispering either.

“… to go away.” Immediately, Ven knew it wasn’t directed at him. What it was directed at, he couldn’t say. “Don’t look at me like that, you stupid thing. Stop showing up, I can’t feel this way. If I keep having to run off because of you, he’s going to notice eventually. He’ll think I hate him. Fade away already, before you ruin everything…”

Those words weren’t something he was meant to hear. Even so, Ventus didn’t move. What Vanitas was talking to was an Unversed – himself. An emotion that Vanitas thought was bad, dangerous even. An emotion that Vanitas hated. An emotion that he feared would spoil the bond they finally truly had.

“Accept it,” Vanitas was mumbling, and then something more that he couldn’t make out. “… and that’s all there is to it. That’s fine, it has to be fine. I have to be fine with it. The way things are, they’re good. For once I actually like my life, so why did this have to start? It won’t be returned, that’s true! So get over it… Even when I push you out so you won’t make me do something stupid, you try to go do it yourself. Stop trying to give him that! Am I really this weak?”

Ven wanted to say something, but didn’t know what. He wanted to do something, but didn’t know what. If Vanitas knew he was there, he would be upset. Maybe there was nothing he could do at all. The best option was to go back to the beach on the other side of the island, to pretend he had never heard what Vanitas had been and was saying. And yet, he stayed still.

“If you don’t go away everything’s going to get messed up. And I can’t even just keep it all in my head and my heart, I’m talking to myself out loud like an idiot. Stupid. I’m stupid, why does it have to be something like this? There’s no way it can work out, it’s unbalanced. Leave me alone, just go away!”

Something that wouldn’t be returned. Given how much had been taken, that really could be anything. Ventus knew he couldn’t ask. If Vanitas didn’t approach him, Vanitas didn’t approach him. Whatever it was, he’d made a decision to hide it away. Something that Vanitas had to accept on his own… The fact that he’d made that choice was something Ven thought _he_ would have to accept.

Telling himself that, Ventus still opened his mouth.

“Vanitas?” As soon as he’d said it, the sound of dozens or even hundreds of flapping wings filled the air. Vanitas’s response to realizing he was there was to unleash a swarm of Axe Flappers, and even with all of them around the expression he turned to Ven was startled, stunned, fearful. Worse yet, Vanitas didn’t meet his eyes after that brief instant. Blackness began to circle his head, the beginning of his mask appearing before the mist dispelled and left his face bare once more. His instinct had been to hide his expression, to throw up a barrier between their eyes, and Vanitas had rejected that instinct. Other Unversed were starting to form nonetheless, blobs of energy that took uncertain shapes before losing them and choosing others. Something that was probably Blue Sea Salt, something small and almost humanoid with what was probably large ears, something vaguely oblong, something the size of his fist and covered in what might have been rock, cycling through shapes he didn’t recognize and colors that he couldn’t truly make out in the darkness.

“Don’t look!” Even as Vanitas said it, something was taking shape that Ven could already see. Not quite big enough to reach Vanitas’s knee, what met his eyes was undeniably a dark gray, perhaps even purple mouse that stood on two paws. Red, weeping eyes looked up at him, and for just a moment that Unversed began to lift what it held in one small hand… before pulling that yellow flower away and hiding it away behind itself. Just seeing it made something pang inside of him, as if something had reached out and caught him in a vice. Vanitas was grabbing for it desperately, his cheeks too thin and too pale under the moonlight as he shoved his creation unceremoniously into the cave and out of sight. There had been something hanging from its neck, Ventus thought. He hadn’t been able to truly see it. Vanitas hadn’t wanted him to see it, any part of it, a manifestation of something he wanted to hide.

Whatever Vanitas had just pushed into the cave was what he was trying to get rid of entirely.

“Hey, did something happen?” Ven didn’t know what else he could ask. Something had happened, hadn’t it? Something that Vanitas hated and wanted gone had begun inside of him. From the dark, glistening lines that he’d seen beneath that mouse’s eyes, it was a painful and sorrowful emotion. Something was squeezing deep inside him. “Will you come talk to me?”

“No! Don’t come near me. I-it’s… it’s nothing. No, it’s not!” Tugging at his scalp, Vanitas curled in on himself. Vanitas didn’t want to reveal the truth, and Vanitas didn’t want to lie. Axe Flappers were everywhere, and as Ventus pushed one aside the urge to flee filled his being. He had to run away from what was frightening – that was the feeling that Vanitas had pushed out. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well… I won’t make you… Just, whatever it is, don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s dumb, but I think I woke up because you were gone, because you got up. Something about that just didn’t feel right, you not being there. So come back with me, okay?” Crouching with a grin, Ven held one hand out. Vanitas looked at him for a moment, his expression lost, and then away. Now, rather than white with alarm, his face was red with embarrassment. Not reaching out to take his hand, Vanitas instead set a huge white shell on the beach. His flustered emotion scuttled away as fast as its legs could carry it. If Vanitas could simply tuck away into a shell to hide, Ven was sure he would have in that moment. He looked like he was about to burst he was so flushed. Even having vented some of it out, Vanitas had more than enough of that feeling left.

Finally, almost shyly, Vanitas extended a hand. It was so strange to look at, that expression. Bashfulness seemed foreign on Vanitas’s face, but it was undeniably what rested on it.

As he pulled the other boy up to the ledge, all Ventus could think was that it wasn’t a bad look for him. Even if they left the Unversed he had made behind, eventually they would come back. If he was peacefully asleep when that happened, they would quietly fade away.

Perhaps not all of them, though. Those mice… when morning came, Ven wondered if they would still exist. Though it had been brief, the sight of the one that had met his eyes… it had made his heart ache. Whatever was troubling Vanitas so much, it was something that he wouldn’t voice with words and wouldn’t let him touch. That pain was something that Vanitas was scared to share with him. Even though there had been an Unversed that had reached out to him, Vanitas wouldn’t do the same.

Ven knew he couldn’t admit that he’d been eavesdropping. It might be better to pretend he’d only found Vanitas seconds before speaking. Maybe it would just be easier. Lying was wrong, hiding things was wrong, but Ventus didn’t know how he could say it. He wanted to put it out of mind, so that he wouldn’t be tempted to say something that would give it away.

If Vanitas wouldn’t tell him, he would have to accept that.

Ventus wasn’t sure if he could.

For that moment, he caught sight of Vanitas’s blushing cheeks once more. It had hurt, but not anymore. A temporary reprieve. Being flustered, shy, that was what filled Vanitas’s heart. Whatever it was wouldn’t be gone forever, of course. But it was no longer too much to bear, and Vanitas’s hand was warm in his.

At least for that moment, that was enough.

More than once in the nights that followed, Ventus woke alone and knew that the emotion Vanitas had begged to fade away still lived inside him.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's today's second chapter, which is markedly different in tone. It's time for some teenage boys to smack one another in a bonding ritual. The chapter coming after this one is a fun one as well.
> 
> As always, thanks to everyone who's commented on the story! You are why I post.

“Is it supposed to be a secret or something?”

Vanitas looked at him with narrowed eyes, clearly not understanding what he meant. Ven resisted the impulse to roll his eyes, and instead sat next to Vanitas on the ledge that overlooked the shallows of the cove and faced the wooden stairs. It had come totally unprompted, so of course Vanitas didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Whatever it is you’re building. You said I’d find out, but when’s that gonna be huh? I know it’s in the cave by the waterfall, you can’t really keep it hidden. But I can’t tell what it is.”

He’d been sulking there, Ventus thought. Sometimes Vanitas just wandered away and left him to sleep, and it couldn’t be that he was pleading with that Unversed every single time. Given how often he disappeared and how often it was under the cover of darkness, Ven couldn’t imagine it was that he was simply building either. Then again, he still wasn’t sure that Vanitas needed a light to see. Taking a long, slow breath, Vanitas let it out again and spoke. “Can’t finish it yet. I ran out of wood. Even if I took the shelves apart, it wouldn’t be enough.”

That explained it then – at least this time, Vanitas had slunk away because he was frustrated with his work.

“In that case… will you just tell me what it is?”

“Hmmmmmm.” If Vanitas was going to keep acting like that, he was definitely going to shove him again. Vanitas had thrown him in the water the other day, so he might as well return the favor at some point. While Ven was considering that, Vanitas began to speak again. “Not yet.”

“That’s really annoying, you know!” Vanitas definitely knew it. He was grinning a lopsided grin, and before Ven realized it Vanitas’s foot was nudging his teasingly. Being messed with shouldn’t have felt good to him, Ven thought. There just was something to be said about Vanitas being relaxed with him. It felt like the Vanitas who sat with him now was the real Vanitas, the person who had been buried under expectations and overwhelming emotions and so much pain and misfortune.

This Vanitas, annoying as his reply had been, was someone he liked.

“What are you gonna do about it, Ventus?”

He really was annoying, though.

Ventus kicked Vanitas’s foot away, deeply tempted to push him into the water with no remorse. Something about it didn’t seem quite right, like he shouldn’t have felt that way, but he found himself wanting to quarrel with the other boy. Now that they were nothing resembling enemies, was that something that was okay? It felt like he was dipping his toes in the water to test the temperature. How Vanitas would respond…

Vanitas was kicking him too now, snorting in subdued laughter. With his worries erased, Ven simply pulled his foot back to swing it again. Maybe it was aggressive, but it wasn’t malicious. There was no pain in this place. Even if he blasted Vanitas in the face with a fireball, it wasn’t going to hurt him. The rules of the Unversed were unclear, but magic wasn’t. As they exchanged strikes Ven found himself chuckling first under his breath, then louder.

It was so idiotic, that he was having a genuinely good time kicking Vanitas in the shin.

“Just tell me what you’re building!”

“Use your head, Ventus. It’s not beyond you, is it?” Ven, grunting in frustration, elbowed Vanitas in the side and found himself being caught in a headlock. Though he flailed stupidly, Vanitas had a good grip on him. With seemingly no other option, what Ventus lashed out with was magic.

The wind he called up ripped Vanitas off him, sending the other boy flying with a startled yelp. Though he recovered, it was too late to avoid being tossed all the way out to one of the platforms. Grinning, Ven jumped to his feet just in time for Vanitas to twist and send a chunk of ice flying toward him. It collided in midair with the fireball he unleashed, exploding into steam that only momentarily blocked his view of Vanitas. It was just long enough, since a bicep caught him across the throat and knocked him flat on his back. Vanitas had hit him with a solid arm-bar, a beaming grin on his face.

He was out of practice, Ventus thought as he drew his fist back and punched that grin as hard as he could. Stupidly enough, it only seemed to delight Vanitas. Even more stupidly, Ven found himself enjoying letting loose as well. Because it didn’t hurt to fight, it was nothing but that – letting off steam, only the rush of a battle with no stakes.

“You gonna beat me up, Ventus?” Vanitas’s hand caught his as he lashed out again, his fingers trapping him with impossible force. Instead of trying to pull it back, Ven swept his leg forward. As he had done so many times in the world outside, Vanitas disappeared from sight before dropping out of thin air above him. His reaction time was too slow, and Vanitas’s fists slammed onto the top of his head. There was no pain, but it gave him such an idea. Taking the opportunity for a bluff, rather than going back on the offensive Ven chose instead to pretend to be suddenly, bizarrely dazed.

As soon as he stumbled backwards and brought a hand to his temple, Vanitas froze in his tracks.

Ventus shook his head as if to clear it. Green light was washing over him in an instant, flowing from Vanitas’s outstretched fingers. That light was cool and comfortable, a familiar feeling. Though Ven hadn’t truly been hurt, what was shrouding him was healing magic.

It didn’t do anything, but the sentiment was nice. Less nice was the swarming energy around Vanitas, the proof that his emotions were growing in intensity. Snorting, Ven kicked out at his shin again as if to reveal the deception.

“You little…” Like a bubble had been burst, what was swirling around Vanitas seemed to dissipate. Planting his hands on his hips, Ventus scowled. His attempt to quell Vanitas’s nervousness had worked, but he wasn’t entirely happy with the situation. The fact that he’d fallen for it was wild, but part of it did make him happy how quickly Vanitas had changed gears. Though he’d been planning on using it as an opening, to take Vanitas unawares, the immediate reaction Ven had gotten had changed his mind about snatching up the chance.

“All right, I was messing with you. You know we can’t get hurt here. And even if we could, like that’d actually have done anything!” Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him, clearly displeased. “What, you think I can’t handle getting smacked in the head?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Now, at least, Vanitas wasn’t worried about him anymore.

“I can take whatever you can dish out, you idiot.” What a nice change of pace it was, being able to call Vanitas stupid. Though it had him scoffing for a moment, that moment didn’t last.

With a mischievous little smile starting to spread across his face, Vanitas shot a streak of black lightning at him before leaping onto the closest wooden platform.

It was a situation that was so familiar, chasing after Vanitas. In that moment though, it was entirely different. A gleeful pursuit… it was something he’d never experienced before, to fix his eyes on a moving target and run simply for the joy of it. Vanitas’s voice raised in genuine, lighthearted laughter… over the sound of the spells they fired at one another, it was sweeter than any song.

That cove, lined with rocky outcroppings and solid treetops, peppered with platforms constructed from wooden planks, was somehow a perfect place. With few spots for him to corner Vanitas, the race could simply continue. Leaping from tree to tree, Ventus took aim and let loose with the biggest fireball he could form. Vanitas flickered out of sight, landing several feet up on a jutting rock and sending lightning crashing from the sky.

“Like I’ll let you!” Rather than allowing the strike to even graze him, Ven dove forward to the sand below and tucked into a roll. It had been so long, but his body remembered. No, that wasn’t quite right. His body _was_ the memory, and so as long as Ventus remembered what it felt like he could do anything. He could do anything here. Sending a vicious whirlwind after Vanitas’s laughing figure, Ven could only laugh as well.

“You’re gonna have to try a little harder than that,” Vanitas said, directly behind him. Running on sheer recalled adrenaline, Ven pivoted on one foot and landed a punch square in the middle of Vanitas’s cheek. The force of it knocked him into a tree in a rain of mostly-ripe coconuts, something that Vanitas’s eyes lit upon the second he was able to focus on something. A split second later, Ventus was swatting one of those coconuts out of the air to prevent it from forcing the air from his lungs. Another followed hot on its heels, and this one caught him in the stomach in full. Sputtering, Ven curled around it before hauling back and returning it to Vanitas as hard as he could.

Rather than simply being batted aside by a hand, the coconut exploded into flames. It hit the beach as a charred husk, and Vanitas’s cackling was both exasperating and contagious. Roasted coconut was still edible, Ventus thought. They’d have to collect it later and see what it tasted like. In that moment, though, he was throwing a ball of energy toward the sky. Vanitas’s gaze tracked it, but his realization was belated and he only managed to get one hand on the tree behind him before he was caught in that energy’s pull. It tore at his hair and clothes, and to Ven’s delight Vanitas’s fingers slipped helplessly from the bark and he was sent spinning high into the air.

He was little more than a sitting duck there. Snickering, Ven launched a fireball at Vanitas and was delighted when it landed. When the flames faded, Vanitas had wrapped his arms around his knees and pulled them up to make a smaller target. Though his face was red and he’d just been hit dead-on and he looked like an idiot trapped in midair, Vanitas was laughing.

“Not bad,” he was saying, his voice growing louder and quieter as he revolved over and over again. All around him, dark blobs were taking shape as Red Hot Chili. They too were immediately sucked up into the magnetic spell, but only in the seconds before it ended. Unceremoniously, everything that had been trapped in its pull hit the ground.

Ven couldn’t stop it, one of the ugliest laughs that had ever come out of him. The sound coming out of Vanitas was just the same, because while part of him was embarrassed, part of him was feeling what Ven was. Knowing they were caught in a feedback loop of emotion only made it funnier. Those Unversed were made from the emotions he’d unwittingly poured into Vanitas – the almost malicious joy that came with making the other boy look like a complete moron. Just that fact, added on to the sight of Vanitas flat on his back in the sand, had Ventus doubling over completely.

He really couldn’t help enjoying it. Vanitas was curling up in a ball, his face intensely scarlet but a grin on his lips. After all the time they’d spent together since that fight, Ven felt that they’d finally reached it – a place where they could simply laugh side by side. Even if they would be in this place for years yet, Ven thought he could live with a smile. He’d live with a smile, and with all his might. Vanitas got to his feet, surrounded by Unversed that had come from something that wasn’t cruel. More and more of them would show up, Ven was sure. More and more happiness was coming, because they were leaving the pain behind. In the face of that, Ventus could only beam and hold out his hand to help him back up.

“Who won, huh?”

The grin Ven saw was as bright as the sun, and Vanitas’s hand that took his was just as warm.

“You already figured it out,” Vanitas replied, his eyes sparkling and his voice light. Light. Light was blooming in his heart. Ven knew why. The life he’d suffered through was over and a new one had started. Because Vanitas had lost that battle so many years ago… “I won!”


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached it! The big five-o, chapter 50. I'm not entirely sure how many chapters this story has, but we've reached 50! This chapter required a bit of decision-making on my part regarding the inclusion of gameplay mechanics and how to refer to them, but I ended up sorting it out eventually: in this chapter command styles are discussed, but the individual styles are not named. Limit breaks are also name-dropped in the same way. I also chose to declare Vanitas capable in them and retroactively explain a lot of his techniques as command styles. Since I made the decision to not use the specific names, I figure I'll let you guys know that I'm writing this story with the thought that in-game Vanitas utilizes Ghost Drive (the most obvious one), Dark Impulse (less obvious but still logical in that it's what allows Terra to do the "drop into the ground" trick), and Bladecharge (it's more compact than what Terra and Aqua use, but he shrouds his weapons in energy in the same manner - I would know, the Remnant killed me enough times with that attack).
> 
> Fun trivia: Ventus was originally intended to be left-handed and is seen wielding his Keyblade as such in the secret ending where he, Terra, and Aqua debuted. This was changed (for gameplay purposes) by BBS, and so Ven is canonically right-handed and consistently appears as such. I liked the idea of leftie Ven enough that I kept it despite it being a scrapped idea.
> 
> This chapter picks up immediately after the last Roxas chapter.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented! I only ended up posting this far for you guys.

“I wonder what Sora’s up to.” Roxas couldn’t help voicing the question, but whether it was a question or a statement he couldn’t quite say. He _did_ wonder what Sora was up to, because he wondered what Kairi was up to. The strange feeling of Naminé's presence had happened again moments before, but luckily Vanitas and Ven hadn’t noticed his reaction and Xion had already run to wash herself off. That only made him more confused. He’d thought from the start that he’d be able to see her. That was what he’d felt had to be the truth, that whenever Sora and Kairi were together his heart and her heart would touch.

Things never were that simple, as it turned out. Two hearts touching didn’t necessarily mean the people inside them had any way to interact. If he slept, maybe he would see her. Awake, there was simply a feeling. What did she do there, within Kairi’s heart? Unlike him, Naminé was… Roxas wished things could have been a little different. No, a lot different. But if he had to continue his existence within Sora’s heart, he wished it could at least be a little fuller of the people he cared most about. Not knowing how to think about it, Roxas shoved it away. It wasn’t as if telling Ven and Vanitas about it would help, and Xion didn’t have the slightest idea of how to approach the matter either. He didn’t want to think about it, something that was too difficult.

“Hmm…” Ven, lying on his back in the sand, stretched his arms up over his head. “It’s a nice day, so whatever it is, it’s not bad. He’s not fighting anymore, that’s for sure. Guess that means he’s back home, right?”

“Living an easy life,” Vanitas grumbled, taking a handful of sand and pouring it out onto Ven’s chest. Scowling, Ven reached up to swat his hand away. Against his own better judgment, Roxas laughed at that. Ven leveled a look at him that was something between annoyed and exhausted, but Vanitas’s wild grin more than balanced it out. As if emboldened by that, Vanitas scooped up more sand. Now the expression on Ven’s face was solely annoyance, and he sat up to grab Vanitas’s wrist before he could dump it on him.

“Quit it! Man, you’re the _worst_ sometimes…” Roxas leaned back on his hands, waiting for what was surely coming. For a long moment, Vanitas and Ven only looked at each other. Someone was going to swing first, and Roxas wasn’t sure who it would be this time. Ven’s irritated expression had vanished, replaced by something a little more eager.

“Sorry, I’m back!” Xion’s voice preceded her, drawing his attention away from the pair before him. She was grinning a little nervously, her wet hair plastered to her cheeks and forehead. Thankfully, she’d gotten all of the splattered egg out of it. Beside him, Roxas felt a sudden gathering of energy, but before he could register what it was an Unversed was launching itself toward Xion. The red pot that he was growing familiar with the sight of had taken off, beginning a frantic orbit around Xion’s head.

It took Roxas a moment to realize that it was radiating heat to dry her off, but when he did he could only turn to stare at Vanitas. Ven had beaten him to the punch, his expression incredulous. Vanitas himself seemed unconcerned, his hand still raised from lobbing that emotion.

“What?”

After a moment, Ven shook his head. “Nothing, forget it. Xion, sorry again.”

“No, it’s fine! It’s not like it was on purpose.” Xion waved both of her hands in front of her, as if to push the words away. “It was an accident, it would be silly to be mad over it.”

Snorting, Vanitas ran his hand through Ven’s hair. It was the hand he’d been using to pour sand on the other boy, still coated in the stuff. Though Xion’s return had temporarily halted whatever casual hostilities were brewing between them, that act seemed to reignite things.

“Vanitas,” Ven started, his eyebrows drawing close together and his shoulders tensing. The nonchalant look Vanitas shot at him carried the slightest hint of amusement. In a low, drawling voice that made a faint shiver run up Roxas’s spine, Vanitas replied.

“Ventus.”

“If you do that again, I am _going_ -” Ven didn’t finish his sentence before leaping forward, both of his hands landing on Vanitas’s shoulders to shove him down onto his back. Rather than simply allowing it, Vanitas rolled with Ven’s movement, bringing his legs up in a solid attempt to send Ven flying over him. Vanitas was laughing as Ven hit the sand, showing an impressive level of athleticism by jumping to his feet without using his hands. Rather than taking the opportunity to strike at Ven when he was down, Vanitas took a step backward.

“Ventus,” he started, but perhaps it was a complete thought. Ven certainly seemed to understand something, even though Vanitas had done nothing but say his name. The strange communication that Ven had with Vanitas was enough to make him envious. As he stood, Ven was already grinning. It had Vanitas grinning too, a beaming smile that showed just enough of his teeth to make Roxas uneasy.

“Too eager, seriously! Alright, since I made fun of you so much.”

“Uh…” Xion’s voice was confused, understandably so. It wasn’t like the pair before them were being particularly clear. Ven laughed, clearly abashed by their reactions. He looked to Vanitas, who shrugged.

“Amuse yourselves,” Vanitas said, looking immensely pleased with the situation. “Or don’t, watch if you’re interested. You might learn a thing or two.”

“Watch what?” Roxas hoped it wasn’t a stupid question. Vanitas didn’t mock him, which was more of a relief than he thought it should be. It was a little nerve-wracking, asking questions that Vanitas might be disappointed by the idiocy of. When he glanced at the other boy, Roxas realized that Ven had been watching him with a strange level of intentness. _Had_ he actually said something wrong? For just a moment, Ven had looked so unhappy. But that expression was gone.

“It’s been over a year since we did this, huh? Roxas, Xion, you guys might wanna step back. Me and Vanitas haven’t sparred in ages, so I’m not gonna hold back.” Sparring. That certainly answered his question, and the thought of Vanitas and Ven’s casual roughhousing had Roxas backing up immediately to the safety of the raised path. Their strikes couldn’t inflict genuine harm, but Roxas didn’t feel much inclined to taking an errant attack to the face. Xion was already hopping up onto the ledge, clearly sharing his curiosity. How did the two of them fight when they weren’t messing around?

“Should I get them, then? Since yours is finally finished.” Sometimes, it really was frustrating how vague Vanitas could be. Whatever he was suggesting, Ven was shaking his head to. The answer didn’t seem to upset Vanitas in any way, though. “Fair enough. Can’t make any assumptions about your abilities when you go home, especially after… all that.”

Ven didn’t comment on that vague reminder of a shared moment of fear, and instead rolled his eyes and put his hands on his hips. “We, Vanitas.”

Of course Ven wouldn’t accept the idea of only himself leaving Sora’s heart. He’d already said as much, that when he returned to his body Vanitas would come with him. It seemed that was something they hadn’t truly agreed on yet.

“Right, right. Let’s postpone that conversation, shall we? I’m getting mine. Everyone you’ll be up against _will_ be armed, Keyblade or not.” Vanitas vanished without another word, but he was back in mere seconds. Ven nodded at him, but Roxas barely noticed it. What he was looking at was undeniably a Keyblade, simply crafted out of heavy wood. A training Keyblade, or a replacement for what Vanitas couldn’t wield in this place. It was unlike his own Keyblade, and Roxas studied it with fascination. Even made of wood it looked heavy, brutal, with blocky teeth that strongly resembled that of gears. He’d made it, and one for Ven as well.

Maybe, as a way of apologizing for what he had destroyed ten years before.

Either way, what he had in his hand was his own. He couldn’t summon the real one, but he had a recreation nonetheless. Vanitas held it out in front of Ven, a clear challenge.

“Come show me what you’re made of, Ventus.” Xion was sitting down with her legs hanging over the ledge, already watching with obvious interest. Ven was laughing, rolling his shoulders back as he widened his stance. This would be a real match, even if they weren’t fighting to destroy one another.

“Oh, please! You already know. Ready?”

“That’s it,” Vanitas breathed, almost too quiet for him to hear, a whisper that seemed to echo loudly in his ears nonetheless. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ven was springing into action and doing something that Roxas had never seen in his entire life. Though it hadn’t been a particularly dramatic motion, as soon as Ven had stomped his foot pillars of light were erupting from his back. By the time the blinding glow of them faded, Ven was already dashing forward with what was clearly a line of swords at his disposal. Though he was immediately in whirlwind motion with them, Roxas could follow with his eyes just enough to count – six in total, three on his left, three on his right. It almost looked as if Ven had sprouted a pair of beautiful but very dangerous wings, and Vanitas was-

Ven’s first strike cut through Vanitas entirely, and as Roxas opened his mouth in shock it was to realize that the only thing Ven’s blade had hit was an afterimage. The real Vanitas was dropping back into sight from above Ven, who rolled out of the way of the heavy downward strike being aimed at him. A huge chunk of ice seemed to explode from under his Keyblade, jagged spikes that rose almost to Ven’s shoulder. Vanitas scoffed almost inaudibly, clearly disappointed by the result. Even so, when Ven spun on his heel to direct his focus to where the attack had originated, Vanitas was sidestepping the blades Ven swiped at him with.

It was utterly fascinating to watch. Though Ven had grabbed one in a reverse grip for his first attack, the swords now moved in tandem with his arms. And Ven was constantly moving, weaving through the field of flickering images Vanitas was leaving of himself, dispelling them with somehow elegant sweeps of his hands.

What they were doing, how they did it, Roxas had no idea. The glittering blades that followed Ven, the warped images of Vanitas that lingered when he vanished and reappeared, Roxas didn’t know how they were doing those things, a magic he didn’t understand. Ven’s next blow landed if only barely, clipping Vanitas’s arm as he reappeared. It wasn’t enough to even knock him back, but Vanitas was spinning away from the strike and retaliating in an instant. The attack he launched was the first solid blow, a hit that threw Ven several feet back. Roxas couldn’t tear his eyes away as energy gathered at the tip of Vanitas’s Keyblade, but the massive fireball he launched collided in midair with three of the blades at Ven’s back. They sliced through the attack, destroying its momentum and scattering flames across the sand. Ven was already charging through them, and the sword he grabbed hold of bit into the Keyblade that Vanitas lifted to block it. The muscles of his arms bulged as Ven pressed forward and Vanitas held firm. His physical strength, the power behind his body that clearly declared his impressive physique wasn’t just for show, wasn’t something Ven could overcome with brute force.

The cut wasn’t shallow, but it also wasn’t even close to slicing cleanly through. Whatever kind of wood the weapon was made from was sturdy. Vanitas was letting go of his Keyblade with one hand, and Ven failed to dodge the brunt of the bolt of electricity that was being fired at him point-blank. Though Roxas knew it likely wasn’t actually painful, the shot still made Ven’s body convulse. The last time he’d seen Vanitas strike with lightning he’d gotten the feeling that perhaps the expectations and memories of similar experiences made their bodies react predictably even though there was no real damage being done. That was why Ven had seized up, but it had only been for a moment. Shaking the blow off, Ven was already lashing out with a line of blades.

None of them made contact, because Vanitas’s form was stretching, contracting, and dropping into the ground. The splotch of darkness he had become sped under Ven’s feet, and when Vanitas emerged he was already launching a merciless rain of fire. From the way his eyes widened Ven hadn’t been expecting it, but he was jumping forward into a somersault to escape the onslaught as if moving automatically.

Unlike himself and Xion, both Vanitas and Ven had trained under Keyblade Masters. The difference between their ways of fighting was stark. They’d learned on their own, with laughably inadequate instructions from the other members of the Organization. Before, Roxas had thought he’d been a strong fighter, and he was. He and Xion _were_ strong, that hadn’t changed. What differed was discipline. He and Xion could fight, they knew how to use magic, they were powerful. Seeing people who had different skill sets rather than their brute force didn’t change that.

Roxas just had no idea how Ven and Vanitas were doing what they were doing.

“Come on!” Ven’s strike, a forward charge with all six blades spinning around his waist, missed handily. The attack that followed was a downward blow with a line of swords, each coming so closely to the next that they almost seemed to overlap. Gritting his teeth, Vanitas leaped to the side into a one-handed cartwheel too late. The last blade caught his leg, but though it clearly knocked him off balance he’d already begun melting into the ground again.

Ven’s eyes were tracking the ground as Vanitas’s swirling mass darted across it, erratic, jagged movements that seemed to be an intentional misdirect. The way it raced across the sand, reversing, circling, was unbelievably hard to follow. It was perhaps inevitable that Ven lost track of it, and though he dove it wasn’t enough to escape.

“Too slow, Ventus!” The blow Vanitas struck caught Ven under the chin and took him off his feet. By the time he’d recovered from it, Vanitas was already darting forward. Ven’s expression was determined, completely focused on his opponent. To Roxas’s surprise, Vanitas had begun to frown in almost worried manner. Had Ven’s reaction intimidated him? That couldn’t be right, because…

Though it felt wrong, their battle seemed unequal in Vanitas’s favor. In fact it seemed Vanitas would win handily now, landing powerful strikes that staggered Ven over and over. Roxas couldn’t imagine the weight of them, all the force of Vanitas’s muscled body behind them. The heavy blows that he rained down on Ven were now knocking his blades out of the way as quickly as Ven could bring them back to guard himself.

At the beginning of the fight, Vanitas had been enthusiastic, even smug. Now that was no longer the case. He was winning, but he didn’t like it. Roxas wasn’t sure if the sweat that glistened on Vanitas’s skin was from exertion, or nervousness. Ven’s face was flushed, and his own expression held a hint of the same emotion. Then he visibly gritted his teeth, snatching up two blades as he jumped back. Vanitas didn’t hesitate in his pursuit, but the gap Ven had put between him was what he needed to free his weapons to actually be used once more. He’d caught a second wind, able once more to keep Vanitas at bay while attacking.

Vanitas himself was jumping now, letting loose a bolt of black lightning that he swept before him. The sight of it was unnerving, but Ven was unfazed. That attack was something he’d seen before, though it was new to Roxas. Black lightning was something that had never even occurred to him as a possibility – was Vanitas drawing on the power of darkness to face his other half? Xion leaned over to him, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene as Ven launched a ball of fire at Vanitas.

“Roxas, have you ever seen anything like that before?” Xion’s voice was low, definitely to keep from distracting the combatants chasing one another across the beach. Now it was Ven who had the initiative, every blade in his arsenal striking at his opponent relentlessly. Vanitas’s thighs tensed enough for their toned muscles to be visible through his pants as he braced himself, and then his image froze entirely. Even as Roxas desperately tried to assess that Vanitas was dropping again from above, launching himself in an airborne rush that knocked Ven back. The second attack missed, Ven having wised up to what was coming.

“No,” Roxas said, knowing it was a bit late to reply. Most of what was happening was completely beyond his own experiences, and he was sure it was the same for Xion. Ven was clearly charging an attack as he leaped, light emanating from his body as all six blades encircled him again like a barrier, points down. When Ven landed they did with him, piercing into the ground, and the light that had been gathering turned blinding. Roxas couldn’t see anything at all, and only knew that the attack had landed by Vanitas’s startled cry.

When his vision cleared, it was to see that the blades Ven had been wielding had vanished. It wasn’t slowing him, but the only attacks he was launching were using magic. The situation was serious, Roxas thought. Ven was disarmed and had no way to guard. If it had been a real fight with serious consequences, he wasn’t sure what would become of Ven if he couldn’t summon those weapons again.

Vanitas’s face was flushed, sweat shining on his skin. He was being worn down, but Ven was now restricted in his offense. Limited or not, it wasn’t as if he was backing down. The barrage of fire Ven was launching at Vanitas was keeping him at a distance, even as he flickered, dodged, swatted the flames aside.

Vanitas held his Keyblade out before him, and though he seemed to be aiming it at Ven, no spell was being fired at his opponent. Instead, what was happening was a massive sphere of black energy, forming around Vanitas’s entire body. Ven sucked in a breath, scrambling back with blatant confusion as a shadowy copy of Vanitas burst from that sphere and swung. Another followed it as Ven rolled out of the way, a line of pitch-black clones that appeared and attacked before freezing and fading. Only their lingering images let Roxas count them – six, then seven, and then the sphere that Vanitas had vanished into was dispelling around him once more.

Ven had avoided every strike but the last, and it had clearly shaken him. Roxas got the feeling that he’d never before seen what had just happened, that it was a technique being unveiled to him for the first time. Though he was disconcerted, it wasn’t stopping him.

The hand Ven threw up into the air was the only warning all three of them received before Ven was surrounding himself with a vicious whirlwind, whipping the sand into a massive cloud. The force of it was so strong that it was pulling at the pair of them on the sidelines, and Xion took a quick breath beside him. A little nervously, Roxas gripped the ledge he was sitting on and watched Vanitas stab his Keyblade into the beach to try and brace himself against the wind trying to drag him forward.

His effort was in vain, because although the pull of Ven’s spell didn’t draw him in he was defenseless in the face of the fireball Ven launched out of the fading wind. It hit Vanitas head-on, engulfing him in flame and blasting him backward, but when it had dissipated Vanitas was gone. Ven failed to react in time, taking not a Keyblade or spell but a right hook to the face. At some point Vanitas had abandoned his Keyblade on the ground, and instead unleashed a punch with all the force of his formidable body.

Though the blow had certainly blindsided Ven, he didn’t simply crumple to the beach. Instead, his fingers latched around Vanitas’s wrist, and before Vanitas could yank himself free Ven was hauling back and slamming his fist into Vanitas’s cheek. It seemed they’d forgotten their other weapons in that moment, but as soon as Ven pulled his hand back Vanitas was bursting into laughter. He caught Ven’s hand in his, though it didn’t seem to be a violent gesture. Ven, flushing, squared his shoulders.

“You _know_ I’m left-handed,” Ven grumbled, and Roxas realized what Vanitas had been laughing at was the strength of Ven’s right-handed punch. The idea that Ven hadn’t hit as hard didn’t come as much of a surprise. The difference between their builds was blatant. It wasn’t so much that Ven wasn’t muscular, just that Vanitas was on a completely different level. Ven was almost scrawny compared to him. But rather than defending his own physical strength, Ven had gone straight to attributing it to his dominant hand. Roxas wasn’t sure if that was him saving face or not – lean or not, Ven was clearly a force to be reckoned with when he had a weapon in his hand, so clearly he could land a solid strike even unarmed. “Fine! Draw?”

“You were going to win as soon as you armed yourself again,” Vanitas said easily, wiping his forehead. His tone of voice was unquestioning, and Roxas thought it was pretty hard to deny he was right. Still, Vanitas was taking the loss with admirable grace. Perhaps that was a result of it being a fight with nothing truly at stake. Flushed from exertion, his face shiny with sweat, Vanitas grinned that lopsided grin. It was a welcome sight. “Had me nervous for a minute. I thought you’d lost your touch.”

“No way, not that easily.”

“Ven,” Xion started, hopping off the ledge with obvious excitement in her eyes, “How did you do that? The thing with all of the swords, that was so cool!”

Roxas leveled a look that he hoped was fairly flat and unamused at her. How many swords had Xion turned on him? He couldn’t remember exactly, but he thought it had been six as well. Then again, those devices… it had certainly been those devices that had given her that power. Ven’s technique was something he could simply do on his own.

“Oh! You guys don’t use command styles?” Vanitas snorted, but it didn’t seem like it had anything to do with their range of abilities. Command styles? He’d never even heard of them, and could only wonder if they were anything like the limit breaks he and Xion had used. That probably wasn’t something they could do in here. How would they take enough damage to activate them?

“Clearly not, or she wouldn’t be asking. Don’t be dense.”

“Who lost?” Ven was annoyed now, displeased with the reaction Vanitas had given him.

“Definitely me.” Vanitas waved a hand, and Ven rolled his eyes in response. “Seems no one taught them.”

No one said anything for a long moment. Vanitas, regrettably, was no longer smiling. Why, Roxas couldn’t say. He and Xion hadn’t had anyone teach them much at all, so why were both Vanitas and Ven suddenly so subdued?

“Command styles, what to say…”

“They’re something Master Eraqus taught me how to do,” Ven said, though neither of them seemed forthcoming on how Vanitas had learned. They were loathe to speak of Xehanort, then. “Well, that _is_ why you don’t know about them I guess. You guys didn’t have a master.”

They were subdued, because neither of them knew if any Keyblade masters – Master Eraqus or Aqua – were alive.

“He taught a bunch to me, Terra, and Aqua. Other ones I came up with sort of on my own. If I’m concentrating hard, I can use them. They sort of… make me stronger, I guess. And they change how my attacks work, add different tricks to them maybe? Like those swords. Once I’m actually fighting, it’s hard to get the time to focus to start one so I usually have to get my mind in the right state by using spells or attacks that kind of match.”

“Match?” Roxas couldn’t think of a spell that “matched” the swarm of blades Ven had summoned up. Ven visibly hesitated, probably trying to think of another way to phrase things.

“Like… Well, I was using a lot of fire, right? If I’d kept in the right mindset, I could have…” Again, Ven seemed to prepare himself. Then, with only that as warning, he was being encircled with plumes of flame. Even when they faded, fire still danced across his skin and clothing. Ven held his hands out to look at them, before glancing up with a grin. “This one wouldn’t have helped me much fighting Vanitas, though. Since he’s always-”

With no warning, Ven lashed out with his fist – the left one, this time – and Vanitas’s body froze as the strike phased through it. He was no longer there, and the sight of him dropping out of the air was something Roxas was growing to expect. Sullenly, Vanitas kicked Ven’s leg and only received a grin in response.

“As you can see it’s hard to hit him sometimes, and I’m rusty too.” The flames licking at Ven’s body faded, but more than Ven turning it “off,” it seemed more that he’d simply let it stop happening. “Vanitas is always…”

“I utilize mine in an instant without need for much concentration,” Vanitas said smugly, and Roxas realized finally why that the flickering teleportation Vanitas had been using in that fight was different from what Ven used within Sora’s heart. That was what he’d been doing when he’d had a body – a command style that allowed him to warp his form to different places. Vanitas’s expression was dour now, though. “Probably overused it, really. Aqua learned how to do it from watching me. Then she used it against me, because that’s karma for you. It wasn’t exactly the same, but it was certainly her own version of it.”

“Well if you show someone something over and over again, they’re _gonna_ pick it up.”

“You didn’t.” The smugness was back now, stronger than ever. Scowling, Ven shot Vanitas a withering glare. But he’d set himself up for it, Roxas thought. He shouldn’t have said what he had if it wasn’t something he could do as well. “Aqua is more disciplined and experienced than Ventus. She was able to analyze my movements while fighting. As to be expected of a master, I suppose.”

“What about you, though?” Xion didn’t hesitate in asking it, and it made Ven’s expression somehow become even more annoyed. Grinning wickedly, Vanitas reached out to run a finger beneath Ven’s chin. It made him flush, a gentle but mocking touch.

“My armory is fully stocked thanks to Ventus,” Vanitas said, and Ven swatted his hand away. “I used to only have a few, I never learned or created any more because I found them unnecessary. The ones I made, they were sufficient. Everything Ventus can use, I can now use. It’s very interesting. He’s given me all of his tricks, even though he didn’t mean to. Probably won’t ever truly utilize them. I like my own, I fully understand them.”

“Eventually we were training together every day,” Ven grumbled, as if feeling the need to explain himself. “And I taught him some on purpose. So he picked up a lot of… wait, but you couldn’t use everything before!”

“Don’t be stupid, Ventus. That said… the link does go both ways now. You can probably use mine too now. I know you were starting to pick them up on your own anyway, no matter how much I taunt you for not mastering them yet. Ever since…” Not explaining more, Vanitas instead tapped his finger against Ven’s chest over his heart. Though Ven had been embarrassed before, that was no longer the case. Now, he just looked sad. At the sight of his face, Vanitas brought his hand to rest on Ven’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t react like that…”

“How am I supposed to react?” Ven’s voice was quiet, but he seemed to shake off whatever had suddenly weighed so heavily on his mind and heart. It had only been for an instant, but for that instant Ven had seemed crushed. Vanitas’s hand slid down his arm, lingering for just a moment on Ven’s own hand. Then he was drawing away and crossing his arms over his chest. Ven looked at Vanitas briefly, and then spoke again. “Anyway, I use them all the time when I fight. Command styles, I mean. You guys don’t have _anything_ like that?”

“No,” Xion replied, bringing one hand up to her mouth as she considered the question. “Well, wait.”

“It’s not really like a limit break,” Roxas said, and Xion nodded. “We probably can’t do those here.”

“A limit break.” Vanitas was and wasn’t asking. Xion pondered for a moment, then sighed.

“They’re really strong attacks, like a huge boost to our strength, but… we can’t do them unless we’re hurt pretty badly. I can’t just show my limit break to you the way you two can use command styles. Roxas is right, I don’t think we can use them at all in here since we can’t _get_ hurt.”

“So it’s a desperation strike?” Ven was thinking about it too now. That wasn’t a bad way of putting it, Roxas thought. Not really a second wind, but an overwhelming power he could only access once in dire straits.

“Yeah, I guess. It was like… once I was getting hurt, I could unleash attacks that were way, way stronger than before. I thought of it as a last resort, but that’s probably wrong. That makes it seem like I’m holding it back until I have no choice, but it’s not something you can just _do_.” Maybe that was wrong. It wouldn’t surprise him if he’d been lied to about that as well. But Roxas didn’t think that was the case. If he could just do it, he would have just done it. “When I was in a pinch, that was what I did. Lexaeus taught me how to do it. Uh…”

Well, it wasn’t a lie. Lexaeus _had_ taught him, by walloping him until he’d been battered enough to unleash it. The Organization had been pretty awful from the start, he’d just been too naive to realize it.

“Hm. Useful, but impractical if it’s unusable outside of emergencies. Especially compared to a command style, which can be activated at any time in theory… but if it can be used when in a state where it’s impossible to concentrate on a style, I can’t deny it has its place. Apparently that place isn’t here, though.”

Vanitas, of course, was right about that.

“I guess that’s true,” Xion said, smiling in satisfaction. A place where they didn’t need to fight and get hurt. There was something beautiful in that, Roxas thought. Pursing his lips, Ven spoke.

“Hey, Vanitas?”

“Yes, Ventus.”

“That thing you did,” Ven began, and Vanitas began to grin immediately. It was a confident smile, completely genuine and only a little bit maliciously gleeful. Indeed, Vanitas seemed actually thrilled that Ven had brought it up. Roxas was sure that what Ven was talking about was that black sphere, and that Vanitas was proud of it. His face had outright lit up, his eyes sparkling and his cheeks faintly flushing in excitement. Knowing he was staring, Roxas couldn’t help but take the sight in.

“You liked it?”

Ven surveyed him for a long moment, a dull, critical expression on his face. He hummed, holding it out and tilting his head slightly. The action did nothing to quiet Vanitas’s enthusiasm, as if he knew it was for show.

“Seven copies of you is too much, you know.” For a split second Vanitas’s expression seemed to melt off his face, but then he was beaming again. Ven didn’t duck out of the way and instead laughed as Vanitas threw an arm around his shoulders, yanking him in. Vanitas was laughing too now, a low chuckle that felt warm and real and wonderful. “Alright, alright! It was cool, I admit it!”

The words made Vanitas seem to shiver in delight, and behind him a swirl of energy began to coalesce. What formed from it was massive, easily twice Vanitas’s height. As soon as it was solid, that enormous ape beat the ground with its fists. Ven shot it a wry smile even as everything around them rumbled.

Vanitas hadn’t utilized the Unversed even once in his fight with Ven, Roxas realized. Was it something he couldn’t do while fighting, or was he leveling the playing field out of respect for Ven? That would be an honorable, even gallant move. But, sometimes, wasn’t Vanitas gallant?

“It shouldn’t make you that happy, you know.” Ven looked a little happy about it himself, but maybe it was Vanitas’s happiness that he was responding to. Roxas found himself smiling too. He’d seen Vanitas miserable, he’d seen Vanitas smug and angry and even smiling a gentle smile. This was the first time he’d seen such unbridled excitement on his face, and it was a sight Roxas thought he’d like to see more of. Vanitas’s arm around Ven’s shoulders pulled him in closer, and Ven was curling his own arm around Vanitas’s shoulders. “That’s why you kept asking me to spar, huh. Man, how long have you been sitting on that?”

“Oh, a while.”

“How did you come up with it?” It was obvious that Vanitas wanted to talk about it, so Roxas was glad Xion had asked. She genuinely did want to know, her own face lighting up. How _had_ Vanitas come up with it? He and Ven had so many amazing things they could do. And this was something Vanitas had created on his own, coming up with a technique that would never have occurred to Roxas in a thousand years. It wasn’t just the technique.

Vanitas himself was cool, wasn’t he?

With that same delighted smile, Vanitas began to speak.

 

A little later, as they made dinner, Xion heard them – Vanitas’s harshly whispered words to Ven. She didn’t want to think about it. Roxas didn’t hear, and maybe it was for the best. There were no answers to the question.

“Ventus, why was Riku wearing my _suit?_ ”


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 16 years ago on March 28th, Kingdom Hearts was released in Japan for the PS2! As luck would have it, today is also a day for our regularly-scheduled chapter. This time it's a Xion chapter! Featuring Roxas getting subtly dunked on, the baffling impact of swimming, some other stuff that's not subtle in the slightest, talking about feelings, and a foul, hideous, no-good thief. Wow, that's a lot.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented so far! You guys and your reactions are what keep me posting.

“Careful,” Vanitas said sharply, and Ven clicked his tongue in frustration. The almost-scolding had made Roxas jump, and though she knew she shouldn’t laugh at it Xion couldn’t help herself. Things had settled down, she felt. Even Roxas, who had lately seemed to be oblivious of anything that wasn’t Vanitas, seemed to agree with that. Ven was eyeing him now as he picked up the blade – part of an Unversed, of course – that he’d dropped.

De-boning a fish was a lot harder than expected. Even though what they’d pulled from the ocean was undeniably massive, there were so many little bits and pieces to be extracted. Vanitas was watching Roxas too closely, as if desperate to just take it out of his hands and do it himself.

“Give him a break, Vanitas.” Ven slung an arm over Vanitas’s shoulders, making him roll his eyes. Still, Vanitas made no move to shrug Ven off. “What’s the worst that could happen, seriously? It’s not like he can hurt himself.”

“The food,” Vanitas blurted out, before flushing faintly. It had Ven laughing, tugging Vanitas in closer. The way Vanitas turned in, smashing his face against Ven’s neck and squeezing him, was cute enough that it had Xion giggling as well. “Shut up, Ventus.”

“I didn’t say anything at all.” Ven was beaming with a hint of malice, knowing he didn’t need to make fun of Vanitas to embarrass him. Though she’d half expected it, Roxas wasn’t staring uncontrollably and was instead looking between the two of them and the fish in front of him. He was trying to figure out what Vanitas had meant, and with good reason. What _had_ Vanitas meant? “We can get more and you know it. You act like you don’t pick them apart looking for all the bones, there’s a reason I never let you do it!”

“Mmmmmmm…” Vanitas didn’t like that one bit. He didn’t want to waste food, Xion realized. Both Ven and Vanitas could quickly and cleanly prepare food with little lost, but she and Roxas were another matter entirely. It wasn’t as if fish was a rare delicacy, though. No wonder Ven was laughing. “… fine.”

“Jeez, have a little faith in me…” Roxas’s cheeks were flushing now as he recognized exactly what Vanitas was concerned about. The flat expression Vanitas turned to him clearly took him aback, and Xion clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing at his expense. It wasn’t quite good enough, and Roxas’s reaction made it even harder to stay quiet. “Xion, you too? Come on!”

“Sorry! Sorry, it’s not that!” Pulling one hand from her face, Xion pointed to the lines creasing Roxas’s forehead as he scowled. “It’s just your face, it’s all squished up.”

“That’s even worse, thanks a lot!” Even Vanitas was laughing at that, and Xion knew that only the fish and plate in his lap kept Roxas from hugging his knees and sulking. It wasn’t as if he could change his… Abruptly, Xion looked to Vanitas, who frowned vaguely back at her as if to decipher what was in her gaze.

Roxas _could_ change his face, at least within Sora’s heart.

Not knowing how to express that thought, Xion simply furrowed her own brow. Roxas hadn’t noticed her change in demeanor thankfully, but Ven was peering at her with a hint of concern as well. Still, before anyone could voice anything on the matter, Vanitas was squinting out toward the sea beyond the dock.

“Hm.”

“Huh?” All three of them turned to follow his gaze, Ven already releasing Vanitas to get to his feet. Vanitas was half a second behind him, but Xion couldn’t tell what it was they were looking at. She shielded her eyes from the sun with one hand, narrowing them to try and spot whatever they’d set eyes on. “Should we wait on it?”

“Stay put,” Vanitas said easily, already pulling one boot and then the other from his feet. He took a few steps back down the dock, and Ven hurriedly waved his hands at her as if telling her to move aside. Not understanding, Xion nonetheless followed Ven’s unspoken request as Vanitas stripped his shirts off. And having no idea why, Xion got the impression that Vanitas was showing off. The person he was showing off for was obvious. With his hands on his belt, Vanitas glanced at Ven with a mischievous smile. It didn’t reach its target. For some reason, Ven was looking at Roxas with a tense expression. He was almost studying him, but Roxas didn’t notice. All Roxas could look at was Vanitas. His cheeks were a vivid red now, but she didn’t have the slightest clue why. Ven was watching that, and whatever he was seeing he didn’t much like. It was something faintly worrying, the same unpleasantness she’d seen before.

When Xion turned her gaze back to Vanitas, he’d removed his belt but left his pants firmly in place. It was obvious that Vanitas was about to jump into the water, but for what reason? Now no longer staring at Roxas, there was something a lot more intense in Ven’s eyes as they raked over Vanitas. He’d bitten his lip around a smile, poorly hiding it. Rather than meeting Vanitas’s gaze and seeing his lazy smirk, what Ven was looking at was…

“Hmmmm,” Ven said, drawing out the syllable in a way that was clearly teasing. Though it was only barely, Vanitas had lifted his eyebrows almost expectantly and was clearly pleased by the reaction he was finally getting. The expressions they’d turned to each other were outright appreciative, and while that made some sense for Vanitas it only made sense for him. He’d wanted the response he’d gotten, after all. So what in the world was Ven appreciating about Vanitas in that moment? “You’ve got it, huh.”

“Oh yes, I’ve definitely got it Ventus.” Somehow, Xion felt as if the exchange held multiple meanings.

The realization of what was about to happen dawned on her as Vanitas rolled one bare shoulder, his gaze once more fixed out to sea.

All Roxas managed to reply with was “Got what?” before Vanitas was taking a running dive from the end of the dock, sending up a splash that seemed impossibly small given his size. Though she could barely make it out, what Vanitas had spotted was a crate bobbing in the water. There was something out there, a vague shape that she wouldn’t have noticed if not for Vanitas swimming in a straight line out into the ocean. Now Ven was taking his shoes off too, but rather than leaping into the water as well he made his way down the steps to stand in the shallows. Vanitas _had_ told him not to follow, but it seemed he wasn’t quite content to just wait on the dock.

“Don’t take all day,” Ven shouted out, cupping his mouth with both hands. Though Vanitas didn’t slow his pace or say anything that she could hear, a burst of energy was coalescing above his head. The red pot that she was growing familiar with took shape over the water, burping out a fireball with clear delight. “Oh, come on!”

“Ven, what does he mean?” Roxas asked it quietly, as if afraid Vanitas wasn’t firmly out of earshot for his regular volume. Ven knew, of course. Ven surely knew every Unversed, and every Versed to boot. “That Unversed, what’s it mean?”

“Oh! He’s basically saying he’d think it was funny if he made me wait all day and annoyed me. Jerk.” Pausing, Ven tapped his cheek with one finger as he considered them. Vanitas did communicate with the Unversed when he couldn’t or didn’t want to say things with words. She was glad Ven was finally explaining them. Xion was sure she could have figured their meanings out eventually, but there wasn’t much to be gained in solving the mystery herself.

“Huh. There’s lots of those pots though, aren’t there? So what do the others mean?”

“Hmm… Yeah, a blue one, a yellow one, a purple one that doesn’t show up much anymore, and…” Ven peered out over the water to where Vanitas was, the Unversed making a beeline toward them from where it had been created. Arriving to irritate Ven, Xion thought. Scoffing, he held both hands out to catch it before shoving it under his arm. It was probably hot to the touch, but Ven seemed totally unaffected. They couldn’t get burned in Sora’s heart, of course. “I’ll tell you a little, since you’ve already seen those ones. The blue one, that’s being uncertain. Getting frozen up while not knowing what to do. Anxiety, I guess… or, hesitance.”

She’d felt it, cold radiating from the Unversed that Vanitas made. Hesitating, freezing up, not knowing what to do, that was definitely what had leeched into her from it. But there was more, and Ven was still speaking.

“The yellow ones are getting frustrated and angry when something’s… too weak to do what it needs to.”

Roxas was now radiating an emotion of his own. He set the plate with its contents aside, looking out to the water. The knowledge had changed something for him, made him recall something. That was the feeling Xion got, looking at him. Hadn’t she seen one of those Unversed before? While speaking with Roxas, Vanitas had made one. “Then, back then…”

“Back when?”

“A while back, after… After Vanitas accidentally broke all the stuff in the cave. When he apologized to me, he made one of those. I didn’t know what it meant, but it kept trying to ram into him.” Ven sighed at the words, letting go of the Unversed and pushing it back out over the water. Off in the distance, Vanitas had reached the crate and was swimming back to shore with it. She wondered what was in it. At the very least, Vanitas would have more supplies to build with. Maybe it had what he needed for the door in it. She had no idea where it was for. It wasn’t as if Vanitas was making an entire… building? “Was… was that because he was mad that he’d done it in the first place?”

“Probably. Doing something like that, of course it would make him angry with himself. And then he made a Ch- oh, uh… Like, a big hourglass. Didn’t he make one of those?”

“Yeah,” Roxas said slowly, bringing a hand to his mouth as he thought back. The hourglass. She’d seen it too, and just from what Ven was saying Xion got the feeling she knew why Vanitas made it. Out over the sea, the Unversed was dissolving and being pulled back into its source because Vanitas no longer cared to maintain it. Perhaps he was just focused on what he was doing. “What did that mean?”

“Hm… Vanitas makes those when he’s, well… Maybe this isn’t okay, actually. It’s…” Ven paused, because something was forming in the air over Vanitas’s head. What was taking shape above Vanitas was a cheerful yellow, not an Unversed at all. Another emotion that took a familiar form, one that had Ven grinning. He cupped his mouth with his hands again and called out to the water, “Alright, bring it back! Sorry, I don’t feel like I should just tell you guys his feelings without asking him. So I’ll hold off. You should talk to him about them sometime, he might even tell you.”

“Oh! Yeah, that’s probably right.” They were Vanitas’s emotions, after all. Xion hopped from the dock to the sand, taking a few steps toward the water. Ven and Vanitas probably had the crate under control, even if it was large. The Versed circling over his head seemed enthusiastic, darting off to the shore but stopping short and turning back. This was one she’d seen before, that time a group. A flock of hummingbirds that Vanitas had sent for Ven the day Roxas had arrived. They’d swarmed around Ven, pushing at his body as if to nudge him along. Some kind of excitement. Was that it?

Laughing, Ven rolled up the baggy ends of his shorts and waded out a little farther. When he held his hands out, the Versed took off toward him with frantic flaps of its wings. It was eagerness, that emotion – something a little more specific, but certainly an eagerness for something. Flitting around, it seemed it couldn’t stay put. When Vanitas popped up from over the edge of the crate and made it sink slightly under his weight, he was grinning.

“Special delivery incoming, Ventus.”

“What do you have for me today, huh?” The Versed had settled on Ven’s shoulder like a parrot, though it still seemed to be a bundle of energy wanting to bounce around. Vanitas’s smile widened as he finally drew in close enough to get his feet under him again. Roxas was staring almost blatantly, and Xion was actually glad that Ven was distracted by the box and Vanitas and didn’t notice that.

She hoped whatever was happening wasn’t going to be a problem.

“Let me see what’s in stock.” Ven took a hold of the sides of the crate as Vanitas pushed it onto shore, the pair of them working together to get it onto dry land. The thing was almost as tall as she was, but Ven and Vanitas didn’t seem like they needed any help with it. As soon as it was up onto the beach out of reach of the waves, Vanitas rubbed his wet hands together with that same beaming grin. He was creating another pot, the same red one from earlier. It was radiating heat, drying out his hair and what clothes he was still wearing in seconds.

The plant Unversed that had sat next to Roxas hopped to its feet, plodding over and falling into the sand helplessly. After a few seconds, it managed to get upright again and toddled over to be used. Vanitas patted it on the head after plucking a leaf from it, and paid it no mind as it burrowed its body into the ground. Using that rigid leaf as a lever, Vanitas easily broke the lid off the crate. With some eagerness, Xion peered in to see what Vanitas had pulled to shore.

In an instant, Vanitas’s hand shot into the crate and then whipped back out with something clutched in it. Ven was opening his mouth to scold him, but Vanitas was gone in a stream of dissolving energy alongside the bird he’d created. With half of his clothes remaining on the dock, Vanitas had essentially bolted from the beach. “Vanitas! Get back here with that!”

Vanitas laughter rang out from somewhere above them – he’d retreated to his bedroom with whatever it was he’d snatched from the crate. Clenching his hands into fists, Ven disappeared as well. Less than five seconds later, Vanitas was yelling as Ven did his best to drag him back out.

“It’s mine!”

“It’s for everyone, so share!”

“I saw it first, Ventus!” The sound of the scuffle was less interesting than what was in the crate, really. Vanitas had taken something for himself, but that wasn’t the only thing there. Piled neatly inside were several burlap sacks, jars cradled between them. Some were marked, others bare – sugar was marked, what was probably rice was bare. It was all food, Xion realized upon laying eyes on a loaf of bread. That was why Vanitas had run off. He’d found a food that he was loathe to give up.

Vanitas just liked eating, didn’t he?

“What do you think he took?” Roxas was leaning over on the dock, looking into the crate as well. It was a good question. Whatever it was, Vanitas really liked. After a second’s thought, Roxas turned an astonished look to her. “You don’t think it’s…”

“Candy. It’s _candy_ , isn’t it?”

“Vanitas, share!” Vanitas came barreling out of the room, leaping off the balcony with an Unversed already forming around him. What scooped him out of the air was a massive ape, catching him with both hands and holding him high out of human reach. Ven, groaning, was already leaning over the railing to holler down at him. “Don’t be a baby!”

Roxas was flushing again, getting to his feet with his mouth hanging open. Vanitas had run off with candy. That had to be it, it was candy. He’d snatched it up and bolted, and that… was _unbelievably_ funny. Vanitas had a sweet tooth? It was a wild contrast to his sometimes sour, sometimes bitter personality. Maybe that sugar balanced him out a little.

Laughing smugly, Vanitas looked up at Ven from within those huge arms. It completely dwarfed him in size, making him look tiny by comparison. What Vanitas was making beside it was another red pot, and it shot a fireball at Ven tauntingly. Clearly annoyed, Ven fired a chunk of ice back at it. The two attacks clashed in midair, but when the steam of the collision faded Vanitas was, yet again, gone.

“Ugh!” Stomping his foot in frustration, Ven reappeared on the beach. His cheeks were red from irritation, but it seemed it was a lost cause to keep chasing Vanitas down. “I’ll get him later. It’s a _big_ box of chocolates, I won’t let him eat the whole thing. He’s gonna hide it somewhere, but I’ll find it.”

“He can have it,” Roxas blurted out, and for a second that hint of disconcerting ugliness was in Ven’s eyes again. It vanished so quickly that Xion thought she had to have imagined it. Was it just that she was so focused on Roxas’s strange behavior that she was seeing things? And what if there wasn’t actually anything weird going on at all?

“He can’t,” Ven replied immediately, his smile sugary-sweet and full of harmless anger toward Vanitas wherever he was. The Unversed that Vanitas had created sat down with a thud that reverberated all the way to where they were standing. The thing was gigantic, and Xion didn’t have a clue what it was made of. “It’s gonna be a fight, but I’ll get him to share. He’s a hoarder, he hates giving up his little treats. You have to pry them out of his hands, seriously. The only thing he doesn’t care about wasting is coconut, probably because there’s like a million of them here and you don’t have to cook them. Vanitas likes food too much, if we weren’t in Sora’s heart he would have made himself sick over and over again. Once he just ate a bunch of salt, just a big clump of it. I couldn’t believe him. I still don’t know if he was doing it to mess with me or not.”

“But _why?_ ” Just the thought of it made her want to gag. It was way too much, she wouldn’t have been able to taste anything else for ages. Maybe Vanitas did like food too much, if he’d done something like that.

“Before he came here Vanitas didn’t eat. He just never ate at all, never had. And he didn’t remember eating either. Nowadays he really is hoarding food everywhere. Recently I’ve been finding his little stashes and hiding them somewhere else, that gets him really mad.” Ven was grinning now, and Xion thought that she knew what it was now that had gotten Vanitas chasing after Ven with all his might a few days prior. But the rest of what Ven was saying was sobering. Sora’s heart was where Vanitas had eaten his first meal? Even if he clearly had some other way to sustain himself, the idea that Vanitas had never had anything to eat for years… “He does really like eating, but it’s not like he constantly does it. If he did, we’d just run out of food right away. Since we don’t know when the next crate is going to show up, he stores it like a weird little squirrel. Sometimes Vanitas eats in our… _our_ bed though, and that’s really annoying. The crumbs get everywhere.”

Despite his words, Ven seemed pretty happy abruptly. Whatever part of Roxas’s behavior had soured Ven’s mood was no longer impacting him, at least in that moment. If it kept up, Xion thought she would need to ask about it. The idea that something might happen to drive a wedge between them, it was enough to make her stomach churn.

Vanitas dropped out of the air onto the beach, looking pleased with himself. The chocolate was hidden away safely, then. Ven eyed him with some frustration, before sighing and putting his hands on the lip of the crate. His plan was to deal with it later. As Vanitas started to pull his clothes back on, Ven took inventory of the crate. “So we’ve got… bread, that’s probably more rice, here’s fruit… Oh! Vanitas, we’ve got eggs. And more sugar finally, you used it all up before.”

Though she couldn’t be positive, Xion thought that what he’d used it on was three bars of ice cream.

“Hm.” Vanitas was looking into the box now, inspecting its contents. One by one, he pulled the jars out and set them on the dock. None of them were labeled, all some sort of spice or powder. Each was a different color, some white, some gray or black or dusty red, some seeming to be crushed leaves. “Ha! There we go.”

What Vanitas pulled out of the crate next was a jar full of some kind of pale tan paste. It was twice as big as the other jars, and as Xion examined it she realized that it was the glue Vanitas had been hoping to find. He was clearly delighted, energy spilling off his body and coalescing into a pair of pink Versed – one a cat, one a pot that Ven had failed to tell them the meaning behind. Though Ven had been annoyed before, he really was in a much more chipper mood that was only enhanced by the new arrivals. The cat leaped into his arms, cuddling up to him immediately and bringing a wry but genuine smile to his lips.

“Hey, you. Maybe later, huh? Okay, so here’s plenty of things to eat I guess! We’ll have to plan out some meals later, figure out what we can put together. Tonight we’re still doing fish, that hasn’t changed!” Ven’s words made Roxas jump, and he looked back to the fish he’d set aside with some dread. Snickering quietly, Vanitas set the jar of glue onto the dock. “Vanitas, let’s get this stuff put away.”

“Your wish is my command, my better half.” Ven flushed at that, but didn’t comment. He also didn’t set the Versed down, merely settled its purring form on his hip to reach into the crate with his other hand. Before he could do so, the ape Unversed that Vanitas had created was standing and lumbering toward the beach. It was too easy for it to pick the entire crate up, and Vanitas let his smirk do all the talking as his creation carried off the box of food toward the secret place. Though Ven rolled his eyes, it was clearly for show. Both of them simply trailed after the thing, Ven with precious cargo of his own.

“We’re just gonna get it all sorted out, okay? You guys hang tight.”

“R-right,” Roxas managed, before reaching out with some reluctance and pulling his abandoned fish back over to his side. Grinning, Xion climbed back onto the dock next to him. Thankfully, Vanitas hadn’t banished the Unversed that his makeshift knife had come from. Roxas didn’t seem to find that as lucky. He wasn’t looking forward to the scrutiny returning. “Uh… take your time.”

“Ha, nice try! I won’t let Vanitas make fun of you, I promise.”

“Ventus, hurry up. The sun’s going to go down in a few hours, I want as much daylight to work in as possible.” Vanitas didn’t want to waste a second getting to work building, clearly. Maybe it meant she and Roxas would have their own beds sooner rather than later. There was another crate to break down, and that was a good sign.

“Yeah, coming!”

After a painstakingly long time, the fish was free of bones and cooking properly. Vanitas sat on the dock, easing the nails out of the crate to break it apart with minimal damage to the wood itself. Ven had gotten the rest of the food together, though he had to do so around the somewhat demanding cat Versed that continuously got in his way. Alongside the fish they now had skewers of vegetables, peppers and mushrooms and more things she didn’t recognize at all. Dripping with nervousness, Roxas kept an eye on those.

Xion pretended not to notice it, when Vanitas silently pulled a piece of chocolate from his pocket and held it up to Ven’s lips.

 

He’d slept that night and opened his eyes in a dream. It had been so brief, something he hadn’t been able to hold on to. Only for a moment the wish Roxas had made and the promise he’d spoken were true. Only for a moment, and then it had ended to leave him staring up at a stony ceiling rather than the night sky.

Only for a moment Kairi had turned a starlit smile to him, and Naminé had been there.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for our regularly-scheduled chapter! This one's very KHUX-heavy, and also has some other very serious elements. Featuring a lot of complicated feelings and a situation that's just kinda sad.
> 
> Happy Passover to those who celebrate! And as always, thanks to everyone who's commented so far!

When Ven woke up that day, it was to find himself alone. Vanitas had left, but the light of day was peeking in from the cracks of the closed door. Yawning, Ven began to fold his blanket up to set it on the shelf. When he pushed the door open and peered out, it was to find Vanitas leaning over a massive crate. The other boy wasn’t aware of him just yet, and so Ventus only observed that for a moment.

What Vanitas had lined the dock with was more food, though what little they had left hadn’t begun to rot even a bit. He paused for a moment to take a bite out of a shiny red apple, before reaching into the crate. Ven could only raise his eyebrows at what he pulled out, because it was undeniably a pillow. Vanitas stared at it for a moment, setting the apple down again on its little cloth square. Then, with his lips curling up into a smile, Vanitas turned to face the shack. Their gazes locked, Vanitas’s eyes registering surprise at seeing him standing there, and then he was turning as red as the fruit he’d been eating. Ventus had no idea why – it wasn’t as if Vanitas was still embarrassed about eating.

Awkwardly, Vanitas held the pillow up a little higher as if to display it to him. Ven tried not to grin too hard when he realized what Vanitas had been thinking. If he’d woken up ten minutes later, it would have been with a pillow beneath his head. Now, flushing, Vanitas simply flung it at him. It thudded against his chest, barely heavy enough to make a sound. Ven curled his arms around it automatically, not letting go as he wandered over to the crate and Vanitas.

The other boy was clearly attempting to recover. While he was acting calmly and his expression was mostly flat, his cheeks were still heated. Ventus though he’d spare him from that for at least a little while, and simply looked into the crate. Vanitas had pulled all of the food out, it seemed. Tossed over the side was another blanket, as if it had been in place to section off the food and prevent anything from getting crushed and staining what had been below it. A pillow that he held on to now, more blankets. And beneath those, what was undeniably clothing. Vanitas looked at that for a long moment, then to him, then back to the crate.

He was trying to figure it out, Ven thought – who those clothes were for. Ven thought it should have been obvious. He already had his own clothes, and he liked them. It was Vanitas who sought change. That heart had responded to it, an innocent desire.

Meeting his eyes for less than a second, Vanitas clutched what he’d been given to his chest and vanished. Ven puffed his cheeks out in a pout, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to just follow. Vanitas had always been able to teleport like that, but he never had. Probably, it was a command style that Ven had no idea how to use. Either way, Vanitas had certainly disappeared to the cove. The knowledge that he’d be back soon didn’t make it any less annoying. Pushing the thought away, Ventus set the pillow down on the dock and considered what was left in the crate.

There wasn’t much left. Food, blankets, and new clothes for Vanitas. It didn’t seem like enough to really warrant a crate so large, unless Vanitas had already carried off some of the contents. There was no indication that he’d done so, though. Maybe there just wasn’t a smaller crate. That couldn’t be right. The way the heart they were living in worked… Ventus wasn’t really sure of anything. The crate had been “created” by that heart, hadn’t it? It could be any size. Abruptly, he recalled.

Vanitas needed more wood to make whatever he was making.

Vanitas dropped out of the air onto the beach, wearing something almost entirely different from what he’d been clad in the first time they’d met. More than anything, it was like his own clothing. Pants that weren’t quite as baggy as his own, though they kept the same patterns in an inverse. The bottoms were dark, the top light… Vanitas’s clothing continued to match his, like the “opposite” to what he wore. He’d kept his boots, and whatever it was that hung around his waist. Everything else was new, even the undershirt. What he had on was something a little looser than the suit, but with the same red patterning across the chest. Now, he even had a belt buckle.

With pink cheeks, Vanitas shoved his hands in his new pockets and affixed an insincere scowl to his face. Ven was glad for it – not just the fact that Vanitas seemed happy to have new clothes, but also the fact that he now had actual pants to wear instead of something that clung to his body so weirdly tightly.

Grinning, Ven leaned against the crate. Vanitas definitely seemed a little flustered by it, the fact that their clothing was so obviously alike. Ventus wondered how it had been created, if it was something that had lived in Vanitas’s head before being given to him. “You wanna be my match that bad, huh?”

Now, Vanitas’s reddened cheeks didn’t look quite as cute. His eyes were startled in the moment he looked at Ven, but when he averted them again he just looked like he was in pain. He’d messed up, Ventus thought. It wasn’t like Vanitas couldn’t handle being teased – what he’d expected was to get a smug reply or even a magical potshot. What he’d gotten instead made Ven wish he hadn’t opened his mouth.

His match. Was there something to that? Something that he’d failed to grasp the shape of. Vanitas wanted to be his equal, Ven was sure. But rather than having been embarrassed by that being pushed out into the open, Vanitas was sad and ashamed. Something else existed there. Vanitas was starting to create an Unversed, but pulled it back in immediately. Not because he was overwhelmed, Ventus thought – because he didn’t want it to be seen. A mouse…

“Will you tell me-”

“No. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“… I get it.”

“You don’t,” Vanitas mumbled, and Ven told himself it was better to let that go.

“I get that you don’t want to talk about it,” he said, before shaking his head and picking the smarter choice. “Okay, yeah! Whatever you’re hiding, I don’t like it. It doesn’t make me feel good that you feel like you have to keep it locked up! But it’s not like I just automatically… get to know everything about you even if I want to.”

Those words, somehow, made Vanitas seem a little less miserable. “You want to know everything about me.”

“Well, sure I do. Since we’re…” Ven paused, not sure where his sentence had been going. What were they? He and Vanitas were an existence that he thought was, perhaps, completely unique. There was no one like them in the entire universe. “… friends?”

The quiet hope that had been rising in Vanitas’s eyes was dashed across the rocks and shattered to pieces.

Ventus didn’t know why, what he was doing wrong. But what he’d said was wrong. Shaking his head, he only thought over it again. Friends. He felt close to Vanitas, that was true. If he was Vanitas’s first friend as himself, Ven thought that would be something he could be proud of. But he couldn’t call that the truth. He couldn’t say, “We’re friends” if Vanitas didn’t think they were friends. And Vanitas…

“Vanitas… are we friends?” He wished Vanitas wouldn’t look so dejected. Worse, he was hiding it so unbelievably poorly. It was an unfortunate change. If Vanitas would simply push a little of it out, he could touch it and understand. But Vanitas didn’t want him to understand. Vanitas wanted to hide it inside until it died for good.

“… maybe,” Vanitas said lamely, and neither of them liked that answer. Ventus could come up with nothing to say. If Vanitas didn’t want to be his friend, what could he possibly say or do? Even though it made his heart feel like it was being crushed, there _wasn’t_ anything he could do.

Friends.

“Do you think they’re out there somewhere?” It was something that Vanitas clearly didn’t understand. The other boy frowned at him, a little lost. Ventus considered his own words for a moment, his forehead creasing. “I mean… our friends, from back then.”

“Hm.” Now, Vanitas knew what he was talking about. Back before they’d been two existences, there had been Ephemer, and Skuld, and… there were others, Ventus knew, but he couldn’t remember anything beyond their vague faces. Ephemer, Skuld, himself, and more whose names he couldn’t recall. Skuld? Vanitas hadn’t told him her name, but he still knew it. Would those other names one day return to him as well? Would their faces return? Would his love for them return? “Who knows.”

“Do _you_ know?” Vanitas had remembered the friends he’d forgotten, and something about that was just too sad. Vanitas shrugged his shoulders as if to say “no”. In that way, they were both the same. Neither of them knew what had happened to the life they’d formerly lived. “Figures… Vanitas, will you tell me about them? The things you remember.”

Vanitas said nothing for a long while, simply staring off toward the ocean. Then, with a low sigh, he turned his head to meet Ven’s gaze. The undefined sorrow that had been raging within him had lessened its force, and he seemed… calmer, at least. “We were selected. In that town, before… something. Before something happened, we were chosen… even though we weren’t worthy.”

Though he had swerved away from it, Ventus knew in an instant that Vanitas remembered what that “something” was. If Vanitas wasn’t telling him, it was for a reason and he would have to accept that. The town, though. That, he could ask.

“That town. What town?” Only the vaguest pieces remained. A beautiful town that he had lived in, that Vanitas had lived in. Back when they had been one, the place that they’d spent their days had been called… “I don’t remember, sorry.”

“Daybreak? It was… called Daybreak Town.” Energy was gathering around Vanitas with those words, the massive shape of an Unversed beginning to come together. A tree that had, like the lives they’d lived, been uprooted. Its creator ignored it, even as its branches filled out with leaves. Whatever Vanitas had pushed out, Ven wasn’t sure he could just reach past him to touch. The look on that Unversed’s face… somehow, it seemed so achingly sad. Something he’d fought and destroyed was being reborn behind Vanitas, and Ventus only stared at it before looking back to the person who had given it life.

“Daybreak Town. That’s… home?” His home was the Land of Departure. Vanitas was studying his face, as if knowing a disconnect existed. Daybreak Town. It had been his home once, Ventus was sure. The name sparked some tiny, faint recollection. But that was all there was to it. Something faint. His heart wanted it to mean something, but so little existed there within his lingering memories.

“Back then, maybe. Now…” Vanitas tilted his head, looking to the shack. They were standing in it, the place that Vanitas considered to be his home. Ven couldn’t really protest the idea. After so much time, the tiny island and the heart it existed within were certainly a home. It seemed he had more homes than he’d realized. “Either way, that was it. Back then, we lived in Daybreak Town. Maybe we were born there, maybe not. I don’t remember that. Just the town and the Unions, the masters… no, I don’t…”

“You don’t remember.”

“Right. No, that’s a lie. It’s not true. I do know one more thing. I pushed it away, I rejected it, I couldn’t make sense of it. But what I remember, those bits, can’t be right. It doesn’t fit! In all the worlds I traveled to, all the worlds I filled with Unversed, there was no Daybreak Town to be found among them. No matter where it was, all the places I emerged… I couldn’t find even a trace of it. It was where we lived, but there _is_ no Daybreak Town. It doesn’t exist.” Vanitas leaned against the dock, planting his elbows on it and burying his head in his hands. “There’s nothing. Even worse, what I could never tell him… The lost masters. There were six of them, powerful Keyblade wielders that followed the teachings of… of someone. Five of them, they… they kept the balance, back then. But eventually it fell apart, and it started. It was hundreds and hundreds of years ago, the Keyblade War. Was that why he picked us? Because he already knew?”

“I… don’t understand.” Vanitas’s thoughts seemed to be bouncing around all over, he couldn’t follow the thread. It made more sense to Vanitas, but not by much. Ventus wished that he could understand, but he just didn’t remember. “I don’t know what you’re saying, Vanitas.”

“Five Keyblade masters that held order before the Unions clashed and Keyblade War raged. Those are the lost masters, and the sixth that vanished long before the schism. He repeated it over and over, that story. He was fascinated by it, that was why he was seeking to begin a second war. At first I didn’t understand that one had already happened, but eventually… nothing fits. When I was born from your heart, you were… young. We were so young.” Vanitas was running his hands through his hair, tugging at his scalp. Lost masters, the Keyblade War. Had Xehanort spoken to him of those things as well? All of it was gone. Not a piece remained. Though Daybreak Town held the smallest significance, he remembered nothing of lost masters. Vanitas was right – he had spent several years in the Land of Departure after Vanitas had been pulled from his heart. Ventus wasn’t sure exactly how long it had been, but he thought it had been about four years as he slowly regained his strength. He was fifteen, wasn’t he? The body he remembered was about fifteen, probably. So back then… eleven. They’d been eleven years old, violated. “Ventus, why is it that I know it? Before they broke down and fought against once another, the lost masters led the Unions in Daybreak Town. They were _our_ masters, but that’s impossible. That was the age of fairytales, when the worlds were one. Before the cataclysm, before the war tore the entire world apart and left only scraps to be rebuilt. Even if I rejected it I knew it was true, I knew why I kept failing. Ventus I could never find Daybreak Town because it doesn’t exist anymore. It was destroyed, it’s been gone for centuries. So why? “Ventus” couldn’t have existed back then, but the person who taught him to fight was one of them! The one who picked us, she was one of the lost masters. We were _in_ a Union. That “something,” it was the war. It was the Keyblade War.”

“That, b-but that doesn’t make any sense.” It was scary. Vanitas was frustrated, terribly upset, but that wasn’t what was scary. Ven was positive that Vanitas wasn’t lying, that he was saying what he remembered without any embellishing. This was something that had troubled him for years – this was why he had been so devastated by it, the realization that Ventus himself knew nothing of that time. Nothing lined up, an impossible chain of events. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, but Vanitas remembered it. That… that was frightening, something so important that was almost a complete unknown. He was grateful for it, the pillow in his arms. With his heartbeat starting to accelerate, Ven could only say one thing. “I don’t know what that means, Vanitas.”

If what Vanitas was saying was true, then they had lived through a war that had ended the world.

“Neither do I, why do you think I’m so- no, forget it. This is all we have. Just these scraps… that’s all I’m ever going to have, I guess. Just another thing I have to stomach for the rest of my life.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Vanitas began to release an emotion. More than one Monotrucker took shape, clanging their pickaxes and circling around Vanitas’s legs. Though he hadn’t laid a hand on them, Ven thought that they were a manifestation of the frustration that Vanitas felt in that moment. Having jettisoned a little of that out, Vanitas rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands before finally reaching out for the apple he’d set aside long before changing his clothes.

Ven didn’t think he could call it stress eating, but Vanitas didn’t seem to be particularly enjoying it either. He couldn’t blame him for that. If that was the truth – that the place they had come from had only existed centuries ago and was gone forever, that their home had been torn apart by an apocalyptic war, that the people they’d known might no longer walk the worlds – it was something that even the sweetest, crispest apple couldn’t fix. Just thinking about it was exhausting. How old were they really, if the world they’d existed in had vanished so long ago that not even a hint of it remained? And Vanitas didn’t have the answers. They might never know anything more than that. The seeds of a dandelion had already been scattered, and the memories they’d once shared were just the same.

When the worlds were one, and they were one.

“Well… if it was that long ago, maybe there’s nothing we’d gain from remembering it.” It was a weak attempt at comfort, but Ventus still thought it had to be true. A time long past. Even if they recalled it, it might not mean anything. It was over, the life that Ventus had lived in Daybreak Town. With those pieces that remained, just like that shattered world they had started over. “Now we’re here. I think that’s okay.”

“Do you really? You want to leave and find your friends.”

“Yeah, I do. But I don’t want to go back to that time. If we’re here for a lot longer, I can live with that. I don’t want to let go of the life I had with Master Eraqus and Terra and Aqua, I won’t do that. But the life we had before that… even if it’s not fair I think it’s gone. We might get the memories back one day. I hope we do. There were people I loved back then, and I don’t want to forget about them for good. But we… can’t go back to that home. Not anymore.” Vanitas didn’t like hearing it, but he knew it was right. The memories were barely a lingering haze. Sometimes there were things that couldn’t be held onto. There wasn’t enough left to grab. It would simply trickle through their fingers like sand, and Vanitas was trying to pick up the grains. He wanted to believe that those precious memories of the life they’d once lived were still somewhere in their hearts. They had to be, because they were important. In that moment, their true shape was out of reach. Like so much that they had been through, it was cruel. “Sorry. I really am. I’m sorry I don’t even remember what you do, I’m sorry I can’t… share at least that much.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Vanitas murmured, and it gave Ventus pause. That was what Vanitas had wanted before, for him to remember everything and be able to answer all of those open questions. As if sensing his confusion, Vanitas finally straightened and turned to look at him. The Unversed he’d created funneled back into him without a trace. “It’s hard to shoulder, Ventus. It’s heavy. I don’t want you to have to carry that.”

It was such a complicated emotion, what took hold of his heart in that moment. Though it felt as if a hand was wrapping around it and squeezing, that hand was… warm. Hesitantly Vanitas extended his own hand, but it stopped scant inches from his face. Vanitas had been about to touch him, Ven realized oddly late.

No longer meeting his eyes, Vanitas stuttered out a few words – “I, I have to go.” With them said, he simply vanished without a trace. Wanting to follow, Ven instead sat down on the beach and cradled his head in his hands.

If it was so heavy, so hard to bear, wouldn’t it have been better if they carried that weight together?

Vanitas returned to his side that night, subdued. He didn’t mention it, that strange moment. Because he didn’t know how to bring it up, Ventus didn’t either. Instead, they simply settled in to what had become a routine. Back to back beneath a remembered blanket, they slept.

Now, though, they had a pillow.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and Happy Easter to those who celebrate! This is a short-ish chapter, so I'll be posting another. However, since I've snuck away to post this one quickly and am at my grandma's for the holiday, I'll be posting the second one later. This one, of course, is gonna be a good one for those of you who are straining over the slow burn!
> 
> Thanks for all your comments, as always!

“Because I love her, you wanted to get rid of her?”

Vanitas met his eyes with something halfway between frustration and regret. That was Vanitas’s fixation on Aqua, the bleeding-through of feelings that hadn’t been born in his heart. Sitting on the dock together, they’d begun to talk. “My feelings were… mixed, but it wasn’t about what I wanted. Whether or not I liked the idea, I was sent to assess her as a potential replacement for you. Of course she clobbered me, but at least I was able to fight. Her, I could approach. Your favoritism did affect me.”

“I don’t have favoritism, I love Terra _and_ Aqua. They’re both my best friends.”

“Who did you consistently side with, Ventus?”

Ventus, abashed, didn’t answer. Vanitas was right. He’d been favoring Terra, because… “That was because Aqua was being awful to him, she was acting like now that she was a Keyblade Master she was better than Terra. I didn’t like it!”

“I didn’t like it either,” Vanitas snapped, before shaking his head to clear something away. The feelings that Vanitas had shared had included his frustration with Aqua. Now, so far from those moments, Ven thought that maybe Aqua had been right to worry. Back then all he’d been able to think was that she was prying, nagging, had no faith in Terra. He hadn’t considered even once that Terra had been playing into someone else’s hands. That was hard to stomach. No one was stronger than Terra. Ventus still believed that.

Aqua… hadn’t truly been being awful to Terra, had she? Finally, Ven realized that. He’d bristled at it, blamed her, felt as if she’d been treating him like a child unable to do anything on his own. Feeling like she’d been looking down on them both, he _had_ acted like a child. Everything Aqua had done back then, it had been because she loved them and because she’d been afraid for them. Having grown subdued from his own thoughts, Ventus only looked at his hands. _“The master loves Terra,”_ she had told him.

Would things have gone differently back then, if she had said, “I love him too”? If in that moment Aqua had told him that she loved them both, would anything have changed? Loving her with all his heart in that moment, Ven didn’t know.

“Right…”

“Once you had become strong enough, my orders were clear. I was meant to eliminate her because she had no place in the plan. We didn’t need her, she was a potential wild card, so she was to be removed from the picture. Those were my orders. Couldn’t do it. I tried to keep my cool and do my job. Couldn’t. She defeated me again, but even though I had the chance… I just left, even though she was vulnerable in Neverland.”

“You fought her in Neverland?” It was like pulling teeth, getting that information out of Vanitas. He was ashamed of it and didn’t want to admit to what he’d done. A Thornbite’s vine was wrapped around his arm, holding tight but not cutting into him. With it touching him like that, Ventus wondered if there’d been any point in pushing it out. The feeling it held was radiating back into its source that way.

“… yes. I lost. Unlike our first battle, I lost consciousness entirely. I baited her and it was my downfall. When I woke up again, she had collapsed herself… and I squandered my opportunity. In the Keyblade Graveyard… even in that moment I don’t think I would have been able to take her life. Even though I lured you in with that threat, telling you what I’d do to them, it was totally empty and I didn’t even understand that. I was just lashing out then too. Pointless. I didn’t want to feel your love for her, and I did think that getting rid of her would end that as well. But I failed. I failed to eliminate her, and I failed to keep your feelings out of my heart.” Vanitas looked at the Thornbite, then at him. “I shared what you were feeling. You were mad at her and disappointed in her. I thought that would help me keep your love for her at bay and enable me to remove her from the equation. It didn’t, and I was stupid to think it would. The feeling that was stronger was always going to be that love. It’s not easy to make love go away, even if you want it to. No matter the form it takes, it doesn’t vanish just because it’s unwanted or… unrequited.”

It was a little sobering. Part of Ventus really did feel bad about it, but he was infinitely grateful that the feelings he had for his friends had stayed Vanitas’s hand time and time again. Even if conflicting goals and emotions had made things confusing and impossible and even scary for Vanitas, Ven was glad for it.

The fact that Vanitas loved Terra and Aqua had saved them all, maybe.

“You know… I’ll explain things.”

“What?”

“To Terra and Aqua. I’ll explain. I’m sure it’ll work out, as long as you apologize to them and mean it. You _are_ sorry, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am, don’t be…” Vanitas didn’t finish his sentence, but Ven knew what it would have ended with anyway. It didn’t feel malicious, even if he didn’t particularly enjoy Vanitas targeting his intelligence. More than an attack, it just seemed like a leftover from the way a crueler Vanitas had begun to speak. But rather than saying it, Vanitas had held his tongue. Something like that, knowing it didn’t mean anything… maybe Ven could let it slide, at least for now. “It’s not as if me being sorry actually means they have to accept that.”

Vanitas wasn’t wrong there, and they both knew it. Even if he’d forgiven Vanitas for what had happened, it didn’t mean Aqua would. He’d attacked her with no provocation, been abrasive and cruel. Probably, when they met again Vanitas would walk on eggshells around Aqua for a very long time. He’d only just finally stopped doing that around Ventus, after all. It could be years, and that assumed that Aqua would react the way he had.

“It’s never going to matter.”

“Huh?”

“Unless they come here, I’m never going to speak to them ever again. I never even spoke to him in the first place. My chance to apologize is long past.”

Unable not to, Ventus rolled his eyes. Vanitas, scowling, folded his arms over his chest and hunched over a little. Sulking, almost. “I don’t think it’s going to be forever. We’ll find a way to leave one day.”

“You’re half-right,” Vanitas told him, and his mild irritation with the other boy faded in favor of confusion. Looking at him in profile, swimming in a calm sorrow, Vanitas seemed almost graceful. A glamorized sadness, it felt like. Pain wasn’t something beautiful. Ven wasn’t sure why he felt that sight was. Maybe what he found beautiful was that Vanitas was pushing through that pain. Maybe what he found beautiful was just Vanitas. “You’ll leave here some day. You’ll go back to where you belong, find your friends. I’ll remain. Maybe outside there’s some part of me, some remnant lingering behind, but “me”… I exist here. That’s all. There’s nowhere else for me, I don’t belong anywhere.”

“What happened to considering it, huh?” It didn’t feel good, the reminder that Vanitas had no body to return to. There was a place that he belonged. That place was… “Don’t get me wrong. It’s nice here, it’s peaceful and I get to spend time with you. There’s no battles to fight. But don’t you want to leave this place and go back to the world outside?”

“Of course I want to leave. This island is just too small.” The eyes that met his were an electric blue, framed by long silver lashes. He didn’t recognize them, didn’t recognize the face he was looking at. All of that hit Ventus at once, and he opened his mouth even as he jumped back.

The boy sitting on the dock beside him wasn’t Vanitas.

Before Ven could say anything, he realized he’d backed up too much and was falling unceremoniously into the water like a complete moron.

“Ventu-” Vanitas’s hand locking around his wrist only meant both of them ended up off the dock and in the shallows. Lying in the water flat on his back, Ven looked up at the clear blue sky and felt like a fool. Had he been hallucinating? There was no one else on the dock, and now Vanitas was in the ocean with him. Whoever it had been that he’d seen wasn’t there. And because he was an idiot, Vanitas was on top of him and they were both soaking wet.

Spitting out a mouthful of water, Vanitas sat hurriedly and scrambled away from him with burning cheeks. He was mortified, unable to meet his eyes, and Ven was honestly glad for it because he didn’t feel any different. Even so, he couldn’t help sneaking glimpses at Vanitas to gauge his reaction. The other boy was thoroughly drenched and making no attempt to move to shore or the dock. Instead, what he was doing was…

“Hey!” Vanitas’s hands were under his armpits, lifting him up out of the water and setting him on the dock as if he weighed nothing at all. Part of Ven was immensely annoyed – Vanitas had picked him up as easily as he would a child, or worse, a doll. It would have been another thing if Vanitas had helped him to his feet, but instead he’d been deposited. Opening his mouth to say something else, to scold him, Ventus instead found his words vanishing. Vanitas was sweeping his bangs back with one hand, sending droplets of water spilling down his temples. They glistened as they followed the curve of his cheekbone before being lost within what he still wore of his mask, and with a frustrated little grunt Vanitas reached up to remove it. His shirt was clinging to him, his hair drooping from the weight of the water instead of holding its typical spikes.

Vanitas set the remnant of his mask on the dock and looked down at himself. His expression tense, Vanitas pulled at his shirt so that it wasn’t vacuum-sealed to his body. Clicking his tongue, he climbed back onto the dock himself. Though Ventus wanted to apologize, nothing was coming out of his open mouth. For a split second, when he glanced at Vanitas’s face the other boy was looking back at him. Then Ven could only look away, his face growing hotter and hotter. Vanitas had caught him peeking.

Peeking?

Before Ven could think more about that, Vanitas was calling up an Unversed. It was a clear struggle, his face scrunched up in concentration. Vanitas wasn’t filled with malicious glee, so the Red Hot Chili he created was slow to form. Something to dry himself off with – Ven was more glad than he could say. His chest felt weirdly tight, his heart pounding a mile a minute. Vanitas paused with one hand on the lid of the Unversed, and slowly turned his head with an expression that only made that feeling worse. His eyes were so bright, almost seeming to sparkle, and in them Ventus saw a feeling he didn’t quite understand. Vanitas’s eyes had lit up, for some reason he didn’t know. Ven didn’t think he cared that he couldn’t figure it out. Vanitas’s smile… there was just something about it that had his stomach flipping, in a way that wasn’t bad at all. He hoped Vanitas could feel it too, the unsteady excitement starting to build in his heart.

The light in his eyes, was it that he _could_ feel it?

Without saying anything, Vanitas held a hand out to him expectantly. Almost automatically, Ven took it. It made Vanitas snort, his face somehow even redder even as he laughed. Though he had no idea what was so funny, he didn’t want to ask in case Vanitas stopped. “Not that, idiot.”

“H… huh?”

Something nudged his arm insistently, and Ventus felt the heat of the Unversed against him. Because Vanitas had been asking for his shirt to dump inside the pot, Ven realized belatedly. Knowing he couldn’t hide how flustered he was, Ven yanked his hand back with burning cheeks. Of course that was what Vanitas had been trying to do, he’d called the Red Hot Chili for a reason. For some stupid reason, Ven had taken Vanitas’s extended hand instead. Had he _really_ thought Vanitas had been trying to hold his hand?

Trying not to cringe in embarrassment, Ventus fumbled with his own wet clothing. His shirt was one matter, but he didn’t think he could take his pants off in front of Vanitas. Even the thought of shedding his undershirt had him nervous for some reason. Unable to meet Vanitas’s eyes, he simply handed the other boy his shirt and tried to look like less of an idiot.

Vanitas, on the other hand, seemed simply delighted. At the edge of his vision, some new kind of Unversed was forming. That, Ven could focus on without feeling he’d spontaneously combust. What took shape in the air and dropped to the beach beside them was… something that looked like it could have been a Keyblade glider, he supposed. More than his or Aqua’s, it more resembled Terra’s. It had handlebars, a seat, seemed as if it was made of dark gray metal, hovered a few inches above the ground. It also had a face below those handles, which was a little disconcerting even if it smiled a genuine smile. Whatever it had been crafted from, that Unversed was certainly a vehicle of some sort. As Ven considered it, the Unversed revved as if it had an engine.

Distantly, Ven thought he really needed a way to distinguish them – the Unversed that were good and the ones that were painful. This one was good, undeniably. Because Vanitas was happy, he had made it. And because he was so happy, he was still completely whole.

The person that Vanitas had become, with unfiltered joy having finally entered his life, was very beautiful.

Though his clothes were dripping wet and he’d made a fool of himself, Vanitas was still extending a hand to him once more. This time Ventus didn’t misunderstand it, what Vanitas was silently saying to him. The lopsided grin that spread across Vanitas’s face as he took that offered hand simply filled his heart with warmth, light.

Once he’d settled on it, Ven knew what made that Unversed. Vanitas’s chest against his back, two pairs of hands curled around the same set of handlebars, holding on tight to an emotion… like this, they could run. Not to escape from something painful, they could take off. Just like that, they could take off. What Ventus felt as they jetted high above the water, as the wind whipped at him, dried their soaked clothes, and carried their laughter far, far out, was nothing but excitement. Maybe in that moment their journey would be short – for now, they still lived within a single heart. But one day, they’d be able to race off with no limits.

They could go anywhere, as long as it was together.

 

If he slept during the day, Roxas thought that maybe he might see her more. Unable to explain that to the people around him, he stayed awake and hoped. Each time he met her eyes, they seemed to sparkle like the endless sea. Each time he met her eyes, she seemed so delighted to see him. Within Kairi’s heart, Naminé was…

Next time he wanted to at least say it, to tell Naminé that Xion was okay.

 


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's today's second chapter! Some very interesting stuff happening in Ven's life in these past two chapters, huh? Some peaceful living, finally. Imagine that! Again, happy holidays to everyone who's celebrating something!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's commented, you're what keeps me posting!

What had come in a chest also filled with food was a thick roll of cord. Ven held onto it for a long while, a spool with what had to be several feet of some kind of leather cord wound tightly around it. He didn’t want to unroll it to find out, because if he did he’d never get it back in place as neatly. But it went around and around and around, and Ven found himself grinning even as Vanitas carried off the rest of what had washed up on shore crate and all.

If he simply asked for it, would Vanitas make him a Blobmob to use as a glorified hole punch? Ventus was positive that it had been that Unversed that had punctured one of the shells, even if it had been messily done and on the wrong side of the shell. They’d amassed quite a few of those seashells, dozens in varying sizes. He’d sorted them out carefully, matching as many as he could. By now, within the collection that rested on the shelf there were enough of them that Ven could make three Wayfinders. Now, he had cord that he could use to link them together.

As soon as Vanitas returned, Ven held the spool up to him.

“Yes, I see it Ventus. You wanna tell me why you’re so happy to have it?” At the words, Ven snorted. It really was inconsistent, what transferred over to Vanitas. But being able to sense and feel some of his emotions didn’t give Vanitas the power to read his mind, so maybe it wasn’t so funny that he couldn’t tell. Ignoring the question, Ven asked one of his own.

“Can you give me something to cut this with?” Maybe it was because Vanitas hadn’t been expecting it, but the other boy immediately manifested a Mandrake. A bit unsure, Ven leaned forward and plucked a leaf from its head as quickly as he could. He wasn’t sure why he did it so fast, since Vanitas had told him that removing them didn’t hurt the things or him. “Thank you.”

Vanitas grunted in response, barely an acknowledgment of what he’d said. Rolling his eyes, Ven said nothing more and made his way to the shack where the shelves, their blankets and pillow, and his armor remained. Pondering them, Ventus selected the largest cluster, put it in his pocket, and brought it back to the beach. He didn’t know how good he was going to be at it, so it probably wasn’t good to try to use the smaller shells for his first attempt.

Ven wasn’t really sure why he’d made the decision to make Wayfinders out of those seashells. A way of holding on to Terra and Aqua perhaps, and something to fill time with. Vanitas was building things of course, but Ven knew he’d only get in the way if he tried to help with that. The only other thing he could think to do was try to cook, but everything they’d received was either already prepared or could be eaten raw. Vanitas, who had started to become a glutton, had worked his way through the vast majority of what they’d had until that day. The rest was mostly bread, cheese, fruit. Nothing to be prepared. So Ven would do his best, and make a Wayfinder as well as he could.

Maybe if he did it right, it would…

“Are you going to tell me what you’re doing or what?” Vanitas had followed him silently, and Ven pursed his lips as he considered it. Clearly Vanitas hadn’t seen him grab the shells, or else he’d have been able to vaguely figure it out. Putting things together like that was something Vanitas was good at – it was sometimes frustrating how smart he was, but Ventus thought it really was for the best.

After all, it meant he could tease him when he _couldn’t_ piece something together.

“Hmmmmm… guess you’ll see.” Repeating Vanitas’s own words back to him was immensely satisfying. It felt like it had been a while since he’d been able to hold something over Vanitas in that way. Sitting down with feigned calmness, Ventus simply looked at the other boy. For a moment, Vanitas was immensely irritated with him. Then, as if the significance of what had been said had sunk in, he was grinning a strangely satisfied grin that made Ven smile himself.

“Not bad.” Though it should have been annoying that Vanitas wasn’t annoyed himself, it wasn’t. Instead, Ven only found himself quietly pleased as Vanitas sat next to him… until it sank in that Vanitas was planning to observe. Suddenly feeling as if he’d been put on the spot, he started to carefully unroll a length of cord and pretended that the first pangs of anxiety weren’t starting to squeeze his chest. Vanitas wouldn’t laugh at him, would he? Even if it couldn’t be that hard – it was simply lacing shells together – Ven thought there had to be a way he could mess it up.

Before he could embarrass himself with clumsy workmanship though, he needed to actually have shells that were ready to be used.

“Hey Vanitas? Can you make me an Unversed to drill holes in these?” Knowing that was enough for Vanitas to figure out what he was doing, Ventus still extracted one of the shells from his pocket. Understanding dawned on Vanitas finally, and he brought a hand to his mouth as he considered the question. Maybe there was an Unversed that could do it more easily and cleanly than a Blobmob. As if Vanitas was running over his creations in his mind, the ball of energy in front of him was beginning to take and abandon different shapes.

After at least half a minute of that, what Vanitas created was a Blobmob and a Monotrucker. He was scrutinizing them closely, the spikes that covered the mantle of the Blobmob and the pickaxes the Monotrucker had in place of hands. Ven wasn’t sure which would be better, because either of them could destroy the shell entirely if careless. But Vanitas was waving a hand, and the Monotrucker melted away once more.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Vanitas looked between Ven and what he’d just made as if to indicate that it was the best he had. That was good enough, Ven supposed. He’d gotten a punctured shell once already from one of those Unversed, after all. Holding up the shell and feeling like an idiot, Ventus wondered how he could communicate to the Blobmob what he wanted from it. Would Vanitas knowing be good enough?

“Uh… Vanitas, I don’t…”

“Wait.” Holding a hand up, Vanitas pulled the Blobmob back into himself and expelled something else after a few seconds of concentration. A Sonic Blaster appeared in the air beside Vanitas, and Vanitas tersely examined it as it flipped and readied itself to fire. Glancing around, Vanitas scanned the beach distractedly. “Stay put.”

Vanishing without a trace, Vanitas went to a different part of the island. Ven groaned, wishing he could just figure out how Vanitas did that. It had to be a command style, and the strange way he became a dark shadow had to be the same. No, but perhaps that was simply the power of the darkness within his heart. With nothing else to do, Ven cut the length of cord he’d unrolled from the rest and held it up. He’d have to divide it into smaller pieces, he thought. Pulling out his own Wayfinder, he looked it over carefully. A few seconds later, Vanitas was back with a shell in his hand – not the same kind, a much wider shell than the slender ones that Ven had collected.

As soon as he set it down on the sand, the Sonic Blaster seemed to lock on to it. It was a test shot, Ventus realized as the Unversed fired. When the dust from it settled again, what Vanitas picked up with some satisfaction was a shell with a hole in it that hadn’t been simply vaporized. Vanitas handed it over to him easily, sitting down and waiting for his reaction.

Holding up the newly-pierced shell and the cord he’d just cut, Ven carefully brought the two together and found it incredibly easy to pass one through the other. Just that simple act had Vanitas grinning. A little nervously, Ventus returned that smile with one of his own. He had everything he needed now, with Vanitas supplying the tools.

It took less than five minutes to shoot holes in all of the shells that had been on the shelf, minus the one that had been punctured months or even years ago. With that done, Ven began to group them up again. Five each, as close to the same size as he could find. They didn’t vary a lot, so it wasn’t particularly difficult. Setting aside the ones that didn’t belong to a full set, Ven instead took what did.

“Okay,” he said under his breath, holding a shell up. All he needed to do was thread the cord through the holes, and tie them off, then… cut the ends, he supposed. It was simple enough. Taking the end of the cord, he laced it through two of the shells and tied it as tightly as he could without making the shells buckle together. Vanitas watched him closely, but Ven ignored it as best he could as he snipped the ends off the first tie.

Unlike what Aqua had made from metal and glass, stitching together a few seashells didn’t take much time or effort at all. Once Ven had arranged all five shells in a star, he looked at what he’d made for a moment. Even though it wasn’t anything particularly impressive, Ven didn’t find himself disappointed or underwhelmed in the slightest. It might not have been as practical or astounding as Vanitas’s construction work, but Ven held the Wayfinder he’d made from seashells and was proud. He needed to attach more of the cord to it somehow, to turn it into an actual charm that could be hung, but he’d figure that out soon enough.

“Why a star?” When he glanced over, Ven saw that Vanitas was fiddling with one of the other shells. It wasn’t like he had the context, of course. Pursing his lips, Ventus pulled his Wayfinder from his pocket and watched Vanitas carefully. For a long moment, Vanitas didn’t say anything at all. In fact, with his eyes locked on the charm in Ven’s hand and his expression growing tense, Vanitas’s silence was increasingly uneasy.

“She had one like that.” Not knowing what Vanitas meant, Ven only nodded uncertainly. Of course Aqua had one, but the fact that Vanitas knew that was concerning. Back then, Vanitas had been… “When she defeated me for the last time. She was holding it.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, but once they had Ven found himself smiling. The thing that made Aqua strong, the thing that made Terra strong, it was the same thing that made him strong.

 _“It’s always about your friends, isn’t it?”_ Though Vanitas had said it bitterly back then, it wasn’t wrong at all. Grinning wider, Ven looked between the Wayfinder Aqua had made and the one he’d just made. Even though she wasn’t there, the lingering echoes of her, of Terra, would never leave his heart. He’d keep making them, Ventus thought. No matter how many it took, no matter how many shells he pulled from the beach, he’d continue and find his way home.

“Aqua made them,” Ven started, holding his Wayfinder up so that the glass sparkled in the sunlight. Even if he only followed the template she had given him with it, that was good enough. With the warmth of his memories in his heart Ven began to speak, to tell a story from a time long past. “She made three of them, one for each of us. The day before her and Terra’s Mark of Mastery exam, there was a meteor shower…”

Maybe he couldn’t call Vanitas his friend, but Ven knew without a doubt that the bond that stretched between their hearts would grant them strength.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I gotta admit that I've had a rough day and don't have much to say here. But here's another Ven chapter! Next chapter returns to Roxas and Xion. This time around there's some Emotions and also a rough indication of where Ven's part of the story is in the series timeline.
> 
> Thanks for everyone's comments!

What washed up on the shore that day was particularly bizarre, but unbelievably enlightening at the same time. Vanitas hauled it out with a Wild Bruiser, supervising unnecessarily with arms folded over his chest. He seemed to be both pleased with it and a little annoyed.

Soaking wet, what was lifted from the water was a mattress.

Ven sidled up to the other boy with a grin he knew was obnoxious. Without turning to look at him Vanitas instead held a hand out and grabbed his face with it, squeezing his cheeks as if to squash that grin away. If that was his goal, it backfired entirely. Though it was hard to talk, Ventus gave it a solid shot. “Thads whad you’re maging.”

“You sound like an idiot,” Vanitas said critically, and Ven took hold of his wrist to yank his hand away. With his face free once more, Ven stuck his tongue out and was rewarded by an amused snort. The casualness of it made his next smile far gentler. If he could go back in time and tell his past self that one day he’d be laughing and joking and enjoying his life with Vanitas, he was sure that past self would have called him a liar. “Don’t be so pleased with yourself. What’s got you so smiley, huh?”

“Oh, nothing.” Vanitas reached out to tug at his cheek, and Ven swatted his hand aside before he could do so. More and more, Vanitas initiated it – and more and more, Vanitas touching him made his stomach twist up delightedly. It was probably weird. “Okay, fine! I’m happy I finally know what you’ve been putting together, even if I didn’t figure it out myself. It’s a bed, huh?”

“Took you long enough.” It _had_ been coming together well, but Ventus had continued to be clueless as to what it was supposed to be. What he’d really expected was a bunch of chairs, but a bed made far more sense. Someday, Ventus thought they might have an entire house’s worth of furniture on their tiny island. For all he knew, maybe Vanitas would make a house itself eventually. He’d found something he was really, truly good at, something that was just useful and vastly impressive. Way more than Ven, Vanitas was making the most of the lives they were living.

Ven thought he could accept being a little lazy and coasting on Vanitas’s hard work. As soon as he thought that, a detail of what was happening finally belatedly sank in. The soggy mattress on the dock was the same size as the one that had been on his bed in the Land of Departure. Eyeing Vanitas with some confusion and some irritation, Ven planted his hands on his hips.

Vanitas quirked an eyebrow at him, a dull expression on his face that feigned ignorance and boredom. It failed completely. Ven knew better, that Vanitas was aware of what he’d noticed. Vanitas was aware of the fact that he’d noticed it, thought it was a little late.

“You’re making _a_ bed, huh.” Vanitas shrugged, unfazed by the words. One bed that one person would fit in. That was what Vanitas was making. “What, you were going to just abandon me to the ground? That’s real nice of you!”

Now, Vanitas was raising both eyebrows. Looking at him incredulously, Vanitas opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. What he finally said made Ven feel like a complete idiot. “It’s not for me.”

“Huh?” It was blatantly obvious within five seconds who it was for. Ventus felt his cheeks heat, the realization of the situation really sinking in. For over a month, Vanitas had slowly been putting together a bed that he hadn’t been planning to sleep in. Though he’d been stunned, now the look on Vanitas’s face was an uneven smirk. He was pleased by the reaction he’d gotten, and that just made Ven want to kick him in the shin. Unable to come up with anything else, Ven said the only thing that came to mind. “Why?”

“You serious? Don’t tell me you _don’t_ want to sleep in a bed at night.”

“You know what’s not what I meant.”

Vanitas looked at him in a way that was a little odd, a way that made his stomach flip. He didn’t understand it, what Vanitas was saying with those eyes. Whatever it was, his heart was responding to it. Wishing his pulse would settle, Ven slid his hands in his pockets and tried to think calmly.

“I don’t really need one.”

“Well, I don’t _need_ one either. We’ve both been sleeping on the ground for… a long time now. If you’re going to make a bed for me, at least make one for yourself too!” Though Vanitas was listening to him, he didn’t seem to be taking that particularly seriously. Something just for him… that was what Vanitas was making. The more he thought about it, the more conflicted it made him feel. “I won’t sleep in it if you have nowhere to sleep.”

“Don’t be stupid, Ventus. I can’t just whip up another one. This one’s almost done, so use it.”

“No way. You made it, so it’s yours.”

“I said don’t need it.”

This would go nowhere good, Ventus was sure. Vanitas might be stubborn, but he was determined to be more stubborn. Rubbing his thumb over the metal of his Wayfinder in his pocket, he geared up for a struggle.

“I’m not going to use it if you’re sleeping on the ground, Vanitas!”

“What do you want me to do, huh? We can’t both fit.” Ventus, seriously studying the mattress, wasn’t sure they couldn’t. In fact, the more he looked at it and the more he looked at Vanitas, the more positive he was that they _would_ fit… and the less certain he became that it would be a good idea. “Ventus, are you kidding me? You’re really thinking about it.”

“Well, I mean…” They’d have to be way too close to one another. Ven didn’t know how he’d handle it. Being back to back with Vanitas at night, that was something he’d gotten used to. If they were to squeeze into a bed that size together, they couldn’t do that. They would fit, sure, but barely. Trying would just result in someone tumbling out at the slightest movement. In that situation, they’d have to… “Maybe that’s not gonna work…”

Vanitas didn’t say anything about them, but seemed quietly excited by his reddening cheeks. It really, really wasn’t an option. They could fit, but only if they were nervewrackingly close to one another. Rather than back to back, it would have to be far, far too… a word he didn’t really want to think about. That way, Ven knew he’d never be able to sleep.

“You’ll hurt my feelings, Ventus,” Vanitas said flatly, and Ven opened his mouth to retort before realizing he was being teased. He wanted to bury his head in his hands, to hide his face. If he’d been able to create a mask, Ven thought he probably would have in that moment just to keep Vanitas from seeing how embarrassed he was.

“So sorry about that,” Ven managed, not as strongly as he’d hoped it would be. Rather than calling him out on it, Vanitas just aimed another particularly smug grin at him. He wanted to be annoyed with Vanitas, but couldn’t maintain it in the face of that smile. Still, Ven wasn’t going to just let Vanitas set the pace of their conversation. “Me refusing would hurt your feelings, huh? You make it seem like you _want_ to sleep in one bed.”

“You couldn’t handle it.” Vanitas was completely right, but there was no way he knew that. The thought of having Vanitas wrapped around him at night, or even the reverse, it was way too much. He’d been stupid to even consider it. “So what now, Ventus? Seems we’re at an impasse.”

“Guess we are.” Both of them looked at the mattress, Vanitas’s arms folded over his chest, Ven’s hands in his pockets. It would have been a lot easier if there had been someone else to just tell him what to do. Because they were both too stubborn, Ventus was sure that it would be weeks or months yet until either of them slept in a bed. How long would it take before another mattress showed up? Ven didn’t know what it had been that had triggered the first one.

“Here’s a thought.”

“Oh, here we go.” Vanitas leveled a withering glare at him, but it quickly fell apart. Neither of them could stay mad at each other for long, it seemed. There was something reassuring about that. “Okay, okay, what’s your thought?”

“You sleep in-”

“I won’t.”

“Listen to me, you little… You sleep in the bed, and then the next night I sleep in the bed.” Trading. They could share it in a way. Ven narrowed his eyes, not really happy with the option. It still would mean Vanitas would sleep on the floor while he was comfortable in a bed. As if he was sensing his displeasure, Vanitas continued. “Doesn’t matter tonight, at least. The frame’s not actually done. As for the mattress… Right now, this thing’s soaked. I can cook the water off, but it’s going to take hours. Won’t be done by sunset.”

Vanitas was making a pair of Unversed, something Ventus was growing to think of as bizarrely utilitarian. They didn’t have appliances or vehicles or even Keyblades, but they did have Unversed. When it came to things that were soaked, there were Unversed to dry them. Unlike a shirt, they couldn’t just shove an entire mattress in a Red Hot Chili. The Unversed were spinning in circles, gleeful faces turning around and around. How much faster could it possibly go if he’d made more than two? Probably not much.

“Yeah, I guess even with a bunch of Red Hot Chili you’re not rea-”

“With a bunch of _what?_ ”

Vanitas’s expression was, in fact, completely indignant. Unable to help it, Ventus let out a bark of laughter. Ven didn’t know how long it had been since they’d arrived, but in all of that time… “I never told you we named them?”

“You did not. Quit it.” Vanitas wasn’t a fan, then. Shrugging, Ven pulled his hands out of his pockets again and rested his arms on the dock. Water was dripping from the bottom of it, what had trickled slowly out of the mattress and was seeping through the faint cracks between planks. The Red Hot Chili were circling it, but the heat they radiated wasn’t going to do much good with it laid flat.

“Okay, fine. What do you call them?”

Pursing his lips, Vanitas looked at him for a long moment. What he finally said was totally useless, and that was why Vanitas was so reluctant to reply. “Unversed.”

“Well, that doesn’t really help me. They’re _all_ Unversed. That one specifically, what do you call it?” Ven got the feeling that Vanitas didn’t have an answer for him. He didn’t have names for them, because they were something he instinctively comprehended by virtue of them being extensions of himself. Scowling, Vanitas reached out to one of the Unversed and pulled it over to him. It probably wasn’t particularly strong, that Red Hot Chili. Vanitas wasn’t feeling mirthful, after all. “You don’t call them anything, do you.”

“Never needed to.” Ventus couldn’t really protest that, he supposed. Vanitas probably hadn’t spent a lot of time talking about the Unversed, so he had no reason to name them anything. They were just his emotions, shaped in different ways and filled with negativity. What he felt… Ven eyed the Red Hot Chili a little critically. It seemed like Vanitas didn’t need to feel something very much to give it a form. “Don’t call them that, it’s stupid.”

“I need to call them _something_ , Vanitas. If you won’t come up with a name I’m just going to use what I used before. That’s a Red Hot Chili. The blue one’s Blue Sea Salt and the yellow one’s Yellow Mustard.”

“That’s great Ventus, I hate all of them.” Ven couldn’t help the startled laugh that exploded out of him, an especially ugly snort. Really, he hadn’t expected any different. It would probably be the same with every name he told Vanitas, and every time he used one of those names Ventus was sure he’d get that foul expression. “Do you seriously need names for them?”

“I do. I can’t just say “that one”, you won’t know what I mean.”

“Probably would,” Vanitas replied immediately, releasing his creation again. It flew off in a tight spiral, completely aimless. Watching it for a moment, Ven considered those words. From the way he’d said it, Vanitas was confident that he would understand. “If you think of it hard enough, I bet it’d transfer.”

“Transfer, huh… I don’t know about that. It’s not like you can read my mind, just my emotions. And not even all the time. So no, I don’t think it would transfer and I’m not gonna stop using the names. You’re gonna have to deal with it.”

“You know what they’re made of. Can you honestly tell me that when you think of them, you don’t grasp what emotion I form them from?” That made him pause. _Did_ the emotion an Unversed was made of come to his mind when he thought of them? A Red Hot Chili was malicious mirth, a Blue Sea Salt was hesitance. But just thinking about them didn’t make him feel what they were. And Ven hadn’t managed to lay hands on every Unversed. Vanitas knew that just as well as he did.

“I know some of them, sure! But not all of them. You haven’t really explained any of them to me, you know. I don’t really have a choice but to touch them since you’re so hardheaded about just telling me.” Vanitas was unaffected by the words, simply looking at him with his chin propped up on one hand. If Vanitas was going to keep making furniture, Ven thought it would be nice if he made something they could sit on. Chairs, a bench, he didn’t really care. Sitting on the dock or leaning against it, even sitting on the ground with his back to a tree, that was fine. But if Vanitas kept building, Ventus hoped it would be chairs next. After a second bed, of course. “What, got nothing to say?”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Vanitas’s eyes widened. What filled them was alarm, and beneath it what seemed to be an endless ocean of fear. It seemed to pour off of him, and before Ven knew it Vanitas was jumping forward and grabbing his face. Just that expression, the abruptness of it all, had Ven’s heart leaping into his throat. Vanitas was-

“ _What?_ ” Vanitas’s fingers yanking at his cheeks made it impossible to respond, but Ventus had no words in the first place. Something had just happened, and the lingering terror in Vanitas’s expression was unsettling. With his pulse climbing, Ven couldn’t even move. “Ventus, what did you just do?”

Ven puffed his cheeks out as much as possible, as if to silently tell Vanitas that he couldn’t exactly speak with his face being tugged at like that. The other boy relented, spilling out a swarm of Unversed but not letting go. Blue Sea Salt were gathering around them, and though he could only see them out of the corner of his eye Ventus recognized a cluster of Scrappers. What had Vanitas seen? “I didn’t… do anything. What happened?”

“Your face, it was… my… No.” Vanitas’s thumbs brushed over his cheeks, and Ven felt them begin to heat. The way Vanitas was staring at him, blatantly and intently scrutinizing his face, had his stomach twisting in over-awareness of himself. It was what? His face was his face. “Oh, this is just perfect isn’t it… Ventus, you changed. Your entire body changed, someone else was there.”

The event from a few days ago that he’d somehow forgotten burst back into the front of his mind. For a moment, Vanitas had been someone else. That was why it had happened, falling from the dock. Because for a moment Vanitas had disappeared. He’d forgotten, because the happiness that had come so shortly afterward had made it easy to put aside. Reluctantly, Ven met Vanitas’s eyes. He should have said something immediately, of course. Vanitas was going to be annoyed with him for keeping it to himself, that something like that had happened.

“Vanitas, promise you won’t be mad?”

Vanitas’s expression went flat, the emotion Ven had been hoping to avoid already written in his eyes. His hands on Ven’s face made it hard to look away in embarrassment the way he wanted to. Ventus wasn’t sure he wanted Vanitas to let go of him either – what he’d seen on Vanitas’s face, that panic, the mere fact that he’d become afraid, Ven thought it was fine for Vanitas to keep a firm hold of him. If his heart continued to pound, that was fine. Vanitas could keep his hands where they were. They were warm, after all. “Explain.”

“I don’t _have_ an explanation. It’s just, the other day… when we were talking about leaving. Sorry, I know I should have told you already. I just forgot about it, I don’t know why. But the only reason I fell in the water was because all of a sudden I saw someone who…”

“A stranger. Instead of me?” Ven nodded lamely, feeling stupid. He’d seen a stranger instead of Vanitas, and been shocked. It seemed that Vanitas’s reaction had been a little more intense. The person who he’d seen that day, the person who Vanitas had just seen… Ven had no idea who they were. “That’s going to complicate things, isn’t it… The person I just saw, it was him. This heart, its owner.”

With just those words, Ven understood it. It wasn’t that Vanitas was more easily shaken. It was that the face he’d seen with no warning was his own. What had Vanitas thought, in that moment? Ven didn’t think he could just ask. “That… wasn’t who I saw. It was some other boy, he didn’t… Well, I didn’t really look at him, it was so sudden.”

“Figures. Never gonna be that simple. But that doesn’t answer any questions.”

“Not really, no.”

Finally, and incredibly awkwardly, Vanitas released his face. It seemed like he’d only just realized he was still holding on. Though he pulled the Scrappers back in, the Blue Sea Salt remained – and something else was being given form. The massive hermit crab Ventus had seen weeks ago, that he knew concretely was embarrassment. Vanitas was embarrassed, and even through the confusion of the situation his flustered expression made him feel a little lighter inside. Putting his creation on the dock, Vanitas glanced at him briefly and looked away. Clearing his throat quietly, he started to speak again.

“Not sure I like this.”

“Yeah, me neither. I don’t have a clue why it happened, and it freaked me out. But whoever he was, he wasn’t _really_ there. And, there’s no way that…” Vanitas nodded even though he trailed off, half-turning to almost face him again. Ventus found his thoughts a little conflicted. As strange as it had been and as nervous as he’d become, his cheeks felt a little cold without Vanitas’s broad hands on them.

“I can’t imagine that kid has the power to retreat into his own heart. Why would he? He’s only about… twelve, thirteen at the oldest.” Twelve. That made Ven freeze, wracking his memories for details of the past. Back then, what had that boy looked like? When they’d come to this place, that boy couldn’t have been more than four or five. If he was now older than they’d been when Vanitas was pulled from his heart, it meant that… “It’s not impossible, but the odds are pretty low.”

“Vanitas,” Ven started, his voice unsteady, “We’ve been in here a really long time.”

Vanitas could sense it, his unease. It was probably flowing into his heart, but if it wasn’t Ventus was sure it was plastered on his face. “Rough estimate?”

“Maybe… S… seven years?” Ven had thought it had possibly been years, of course. Just… not that many years.

Ven could hear it clearly when Vanitas swallowed. “That assumes what I just saw was recent. He could be even older than that in reality. We’re in a heart, so what just appeared was… a memory. It was a memory taking shape. For all we know, that memory is years old. It could be a day old, or a decade, or maybe more. We’re… in stasis here.”

“Asleep.”

“Right. But not just in body. Ha! Body. Don’t have one.” Ventus didn’t like that hollow laugh, nor the words that had followed it. “Our hearts themselves are sleeping. You already knew your body was asleep, I’m sure. But your heart, my heart, they’re both sleeping. You could call this a shared dream. We maintain consciousness of a sort, a significant degree of lucidity. Not _awake_ , but aware.”

Vanitas had a pretty expansive vocabulary for someone who hadn’t known what a coconut was, Ven thought distantly. It was like there was no consistency to what he’d retained… though, he supposed Vanitas might have learned those words after their divide. Sometimes Vanitas really did talk like Xehanort, though it was harsh to consider. So much of him had been shaped by their former master. Of course the way he spoke, the words he chose, were also impacted by that life he’d lived.

Ven couldn’t really admit that he could only barely glean from context what lucidity was. It was a stupid thing to fixate on, but Ven knew it was so that he wouldn’t have to face the rest of what Vanitas had just said, or the rest of his own thoughts.

Possibly more than seven years. Hadn’t Terra and Aqua found him after everything had ended? His body that wouldn’t open its eyes… he was sure that they were worried, that it was scary. How long would it be before he’d be able to see them again?

A shared dream.

“Vanitas, I…”

“It’s hard.” Vanitas was sparing him a little with that phrasing. He definitely knew the truth, that more than it being just difficult Ven was simply… scared. To forget about the reality of the world outside, it wasn’t a luxury they truly had. Eventually it would come back. Knowing that, Vanitas still spoke. “We haven’t lost everything.”

They hadn’t. They’d gained something, even. Something that had started off small and had slowly blossomed. Vanitas looked at him, and the Unversed that peppered the beach, the dock, the beach itself… all of it seemed to fall away. The pounding of his pulse in his ears, the heat in his face, the anxiousness in the pit of his stomach, all of it barely registered in Ven’s mind. A warm palm cupped his cheek, and Ven covered that hand with his own so that Vanitas couldn’t pull it back. What he’d gained was that moment, a moment he could treasure forever.

The bed that Vanitas was making, it really would be so nervewrackingly intimate for them to both sleep in it.

Ventus thought he still wanted to give it a shot, and maybe he wasn’t the only one.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's time for Roxas! Finally back to him and Xion rather than awkward teenage boys alone on an island. Now we have returned to an island with a significant increase in awkward teenagers! Today's chapter features anxiety, moving pictures, informative talks about emotions, Ven taking an inopportune (for him) nap, Mischief™, and learning to open a coconut.
> 
> Which I learned to do in order to write this story.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's commented! As always you are what keeps me posting.

“All you need is sufficient force.” Roxas didn’t know how to respond to Vanitas’s words, simply staring at the coconut in his hand. He’d thrown one at a wall with quite a bit of force, and the thing had been completely fine. As if sensing his disbelief, Vanitas tossed the coconut up and caught it, surveying him with uneasy focus. Trying to hide his sudden nerves, Roxas stared at the coconut. “Alright, I get it – you don’t believe me.”

Xion leaned forward as Vanitas set the coconut down. He was already holding a hand out, creating the green plant Unversed that they’d grown to consider a very handy tool. Its presence had Roxas frowning. Vanitas was teaching them how to open a coconut by hand, so why was he summoning up an Unversed?

“Don’t get too concerned,” Vanitas said as if in response to his thoughts. The idea that Vanitas could see right through him made his face hot. How transparent was he, and why did the idea of Vanitas knowing what he was thinking about make Roxas so nervous? “You can husk a coconut by hand, but it’s all the same. Ventus?”

Ven was still dozing, having closed his eyes under the warm sun and fallen into its trap. Vanitas snorted at him, but made no move to try and wake him. It was as if he was confirming that Ven wouldn’t wake up, rather than trying to rouse him. Next to Vanitas, the creature he’d made was burrowing into the ground until only its head remained above the sand.

“Well, my favorite way is no fun if he’s out. So I’ll use this to get the husk off, it’s faster.” Vanitas plucked a leaf from the Unversed, sliding it under what Roxas was coming to realize was the husk of the coconut. With some glee, he took a chunk of what he’d just pulled off and set it on Ven’s chest. It only took a few seconds for him to yank all of the fibers off the shell of the coconut, long strands that Vanitas laid out exclusively on Ven. Next to him, Xion was trying not to laugh. “If Ventus doesn’t wake up soon I’m gonna have to bury him.”

“Bur-” Now Xion couldn’t help her giggle, though she covered her mouth with her hands. Vanitas was talking about burying Ven in the sand, and the mental image was one of the funniest things he’d ever thought of. Roxas bit down on his lower lip, his smile thankfully encouraging one from Vanitas as well. That cocky grin had his own growing, he simply couldn’t help it. “You really do that kind of thing?”

“It’s his favorite,” Vanitas lied gleefully, setting his knife down and holding up the now-revealed coconut. Roxas faintly felt like an idiot. Surely he should have known that coconut husks existed and needed to be removed before the fruit inside could be opened up. Vanitas had even said it weeks back, asking Ven to do it for him. There was no way he could admit to Vanitas that he hadn’t already thought of the necessity, it would be way too uncool. “Nah, I’ve never actually done it. Thought about it a lot, but he stopped passing out on the beach before I could. Coconuts, though. For you guys your best bet is probably a rock. You’d just line it up and give the shell a good tap. Not too hard, or you’re just gonna crush the whole thing and waste it. Then again, it’s just a coconut and we won’t run out any time soon. But you might as well learn, it’s something to do. I might not always be around to do this for you, understand? I do have other things I like to do. And I’m not gonna be nice if you wake me up just to open a coconut. Can’t speak for Ventus, but I’m not interested in it. He’d probably use one of his cute little swords if he needed to. Unversed are easier, but he’s self-sufficient since he has magic and command styles. Hm.”

Something had occurred to Vanitas, and he reached over to the small pyramid of unhusked coconuts next to him to grab a second one. This time he simply ripped the husk from the coconut with his bare hands, throwing the bits aside into a little heap on Ven’s chest. Though Vanitas did it casually, the way his impressive muscles flexed and strained indicated he was using a good deal of physical strength to work that quickly. Once he had two husked coconuts, Vanitas held both of them up with one in each hand. Was he going to hand one to him and one to Xion? Roxas eyed the one closest to him nervously. If Vanitas just told them to do it themselves, he was going to make a fool of himself in front of the other boy and he might never recover. The idea of disappointing Vanitas made his chest tight. And Vanitas was staring at him, looking him straight in the eye. For a split second of panic, Roxas wondered if he was making a stupid face.

“Watch this,” Vanitas deadpanned, before smashing the two coconuts together. Coconut water splattered out in a wave, coming just short of drenching Xion. It did hit Vanitas, dripping down his forearms as he grinned smugly. He’d cracked both coconuts open at once, and Roxas hesitantly accepted the one that Vanitas held out to him. A chunk of the shell had been broken off and landed on the sand, but the majority of the coconut and its contents were still intact. The coconut that Xion accepted was much the same.

Vanitas had cracked two coconuts open with his bare hands, which were now glistening with coconut water. Roxas didn’t know why he found it so incredible. He’d already seen Vanitas smashing coconuts to pieces, and even if he hadn’t it was just a coconut. Nonetheless, something about it had his heart pounding. Feeling like he needed to shake his head to clear it and banish the heat in his cheeks, Roxas looked at the coconut in his hands.

“You can drink that if you want. Wanna know why that works?”

“Well… yeah.” Of course he did. Xion was already bringing the coconut she’d been handed to her lips, not hesitating in the slightest over drinking the coconut water. With a bit more apprehension, Roxas did the same. It was sweet and nutty but not overpoweringly so, a tamer version of the coconut meat itself. Staring down at it, Roxas took another sip. Vanitas was already husking another coconut, again with his hands. The pile of discarded husks on Ven was growing, but the other boy hadn’t stirred in the slightest. “U-uh, so why did…”

“Here,” Vanitas said, pointing to one end of the oblong shell. His finger tapped against one of the three dark indentations there, clearly indicating what he was talking about. Coconut water was still trickling down his arms, dripping off his elbows to patter on his pants. He’d wash off in the waterfall eventually, Roxas thought. It served as a pseudo-shower already. “Three of these. The ones that are closer together are the ones you want to pay attention to.”

“It’s kind of like a face, isn’t it?” Xion was right, sort of. Two indentations close together like eyes, and a third lower down like a mouth. Though it seemed kind of silly, Roxas could easily see it.

“Sure, whatever you wanna call it. These two here, you want to pay attention to them.” Vanitas put his finger between the two “eyes” of the coconut, and traced a line back onto the middle of the shell. He tapped that area, the center of what seemed to be some sort of invisible cross he’d drawn. The middle of the coconut both lengthwise and crosswise, with the two closer indents determining one of the lines. “Here’s where you’re gonna give it a solid tap with whatever you have. A rock, for you two. I can open ‘em with this because I know how much force to use, but you shouldn’t. Too much and it’ll just go through the whole thing and into your hand. It won’t hurt, sure. But you both know it’s gonna freak you out to see.”

That was definitely right. Roxas didn’t think he could cut his projected hand off, but he didn’t want to find out. “Right.”

Nodding faintly, Vanitas picked up the plant he’d created and reclaimed the energy that had filled it. He made and unmade those creatures so easily, the manifestations of his emotions. But what _were_ they? How did Vanitas shape them? And what was it that he poured into them?

“Hey… Vanitas?” Roxas hoped he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself in front of Vanitas. Maybe it would have been better to ask Ven, but Ven had said to let Vanitas talk about it himself the other day. They’d been so distracted by the crate’s arrival that he’d forgotten about it entirely.

“Ask,” Vanitas replied easily, drumming his fingers on the coconut. His casual demeanor did a lot to soothe Roxas’s baseless nerves. It was just Vanitas. The worst that could happen was being called an idiot. That was what he had to tell himself, not knowing what he was afraid of.

“The Unversed. Will you tell us what they mean?”

Slowly, Vanitas set the coconut down. “Ventus _hasn’t_ been giving away my secrets, then.”

“Uh… some of them.” Xion reached out to roll a coconut around across the sand, looking a little anxious to admit it. There wasn’t much point in hiding that. Vanitas might even be able to sense a lie. He could tell when Ven was lying, that was for sure. “But he changed his mind pretty quickly. Ven said that we should ask you and not him, and I thought that was right.”

“Hm. I’ll tell you what. If you can show me an Unversed, or a Versed or whatever stupid thing Ventus is going to call them today, I’ll tell you what it feels like. I reserve the right to refuse, of course.” Roxas thought over the words for a long moment, frowning. He couldn’t just admit that he didn’t know what Vanitas was saying, it was too embarrassing. Xion had abandoned the coconut entirely, holding both of her hands in front of her as if attempting to squeeze something he couldn’t see. Her brow was furrowing in concentration, and after a few baffling seconds something flickered between her fingers. As soon as it did, Roxas felt stupid.

She was trying to create an illusory copy of an Unversed to show Vanitas, because that was what he was telling them to do.

“This is hard,” Xion said bluntly, and Vanitas shrugged with clear disagreement on his face. It was easy for him, because he was Vanitas. With that same lopsided grin that Roxas was coming to really enjoy the sight of, Vanitas held up a hand and conjured up the image of a red, smiling pot. Not the real thing, simply a smaller recreation that spun in the palm of his hand. Roxas thought it was probably the Unversed he’d seen the most. “Ven told us that one.”

“Figures,” Vanitas said, curling his fingers against his palm and erasing the Unversed. It didn’t bother him, but he didn’t make another image. Instead, what Vanitas created next _was_ a real one – the same red pot. Waving it away, Vanitas paid it no mind as it darted across the cove over toward the tower. What he was doing with it, Roxas didn’t have a clue. But it clearly wasn’t intended to be an example.

When he looked to Xion, it was to see her face scrunched up as she manipulated the splotch of yellow between her fingers. It was wobbling and wavering, but as she closed her eyes it started to stabilize into something that was more recognizable. Fuzzy around the edges and not quite the right shape, the image Xion had managed to make was certainly meant to be the bird that Vanitas had made the day before while bringing in the crate of food. Snorting in genuine amusement, Vanitas reached forward and shoved a finger through the picture Xion was making. Stunned, she lost focus completely and the image was gone.

“Hey! I was finally starting to get it!” Though Vanitas laughed, it was low and quiet. He glanced to Ven for only a moment, as if to confirm that their conversation hadn’t disturbed his slumber. The Unversed he had sent off was back, its lid clattering gently as it returned to its creator.

“Alright, alright. I’ll spare you. This is what you want, right?” The image Vanitas crafted was completely stable, looking exactly like a tiny version of the real Versed. Sunny yellow with an oversized red beak that looked like a long, narrow flower, its sparkling image flapped its wings and swayed in the palm of Vanitas’s hand.

“Right. I could have done it if you hadn’t distracted me!”

Flashing her a fairly malicious grin, Vanitas got to his feet. The illusion he’d created stayed in place, hovering in the air. As soon as Vanitas took hold of the Unversed that he’d created and popped its lid off, Roxas realized why he’d made it and where it had gone. It was filled to the brim with water, faint wisps of steam rising from it. Taking several steps away from them and more importantly from Ven, Vanitas extended his sticky arms and sighed in satisfaction as warm water sluiced over them. He wasn’t outright ignoring them as he ran his hands over his muscular forearms to clean them, but he wasn’t saying anything at all.

When he tore his eyes away from Vanitas, it was to find Xion peering at him in confusion. Roxas looked down at himself immediately, wondering what he’d done to catch her attention. Nothing about him was different, was it?

Lately, Roxas wasn’t so sure about that.

Shaking his wet hands off, Vanitas turned back to them with nonchalance. “Anyway. That, what you wanted to know… what does Ventus call it? His way of explaining might be easier for you to understand. Either way, that feeling… “I want to be near”. That clear enough?”

It was and it wasn’t, Roxas supposed. Maybe that was to be expected. The things he felt, the things Vanitas surely felt, weren’t always exactly the same. Though it was the same feeling, the details varied. And so the definition, the explanation, that Vanitas gave them was likewise vague. Wanting to be near something, but what “something” was could be anything. That was what that feeling was, at least as far as he could tell. Unless Vanitas was explaining poorly, at least. Wanting to be near someone…

Where was she, he wondered? Where was Kairi, and where was Naminé? How could he be near them? No matter what he did within Sora, in Kairi’s heart Naminé was… was…

Xion was speaking, bringing him back to a conversation he’d momentarily left without moving an inch.

“I think so. When I saw it yesterday, I got the sense that it was being eager… but it wasn’t quite right. You made it because you wanted to show Ven what was in the crate, right?” Xion’s words had him nodding. Eagerness, it both did and didn’t fit. What Vanitas had made was eager to get back to shore, because it wanted to be there where they were.

“I wouldn’t put it that way,” Vanitas replied, sitting down again. His cheeks had flushed faintly, Roxas noted. It was contagious, that blush. He averted his eyes from it, and found Xion to be completely collected. Maybe it wasn’t as contagious as he’d thought. “I guess it’s not entirely wrong. You’ve keyed on to the reason for it yesterday, at least roughly. But it wasn’t as if all I wanted was to bring something to Ventus. I also wanted to get it open and I needed to be on solid ground to do that. Can’t have things falling into the ocean.”

Roxas wasn’t sure if those words were honest or a misdirect. Certainly, Vanitas had wanted to find out what was in the crate for himself. But that didn’t necessarily mean the creature he’d made had anything to do with that desire. Adding on to what he’d said, giving clear information that wasn’t a lie simply to make it seem as if that feeling he’d embodied was something a little less embarrassing, that was what Vanitas was doing. He was making it seem as if he hadn’t made it solely out of wanting to return to where they were. Vanitas had wanted to get back to them, and didn’t want them to realize how much he had. That was… cute.

“Hmm… Okay. So that’s what that is. Then, how about…” The face Xion made while trying to make an image was hard to not laugh at, but somehow Roxas managed it. He thought he probably needed to try as well, rather than just leaving her to it. If Vanitas teased him, though… Xion had made something, the pink cat. Its edges were unsteady, almost lumpy, as if they’d been drawn in a shaking hand. Vanitas’s expression turned flat at the sight of it nonetheless, and he made no comment on the visual quality.

“Pass. Give me another.” Vanitas’s cheeks were as rosy as the Versed Xion had created between her fingers. He was embarrassed by that feeling, unwilling to reveal its source. Again Vanitas made something else, but before he could see it the thing was absorbed again as if he felt he could handle the emotion. Curiosity burned in Roxas at that, but there was no learning right now. Vanitas had turned down an explanation, as he’d said he might. The Versed he really wanted to know about was something that Vanitas would pass on as well, Roxas realized with some disappointment. What could he create?

“Cheapskate! Fine, let me think.”

“Roxas, your thoughts?” Roxas wished Vanitas’s attention hadn’t locked onto him. On the spot, he felt his heartbeat start to accelerate. He had to come up with something, some feeling to ask to be defined. Not the pots, because the only ones he didn’t understand wouldn’t be revealed to him today or maybe ever. The creatures he knew were hard to pull back to the forefront of his mind with Vanitas’s gaze on him.

“U-uh… hold on. I don’t know how to…”

“Picture what you’re thinking of, imagine it in the space you want to create it in. Simple. Maybe it’s not, since Xion and Ventus both can’t pull it off well. Still, Ventus has no excuse.”

Being reminded that Ven wasn’t much good at it either emboldened him a little. If he failed, it would be because it was genuinely hard to do. If he failed, would Vanitas look down on him?

Shoving the thought away as irrational, Roxas stared down at his hands. If Vanitas was disappointed that would hurt, but it wasn’t a life-or-death issue. Narrowing his eyes, Roxas focused on the memory of the birds that sailed out over the water and returned with their beaks filled with fish.

Xion had been right. It was unbelievably difficult. Picturing something in his mind’s eye was far, far harder than he’d predicted. Nervous, Roxas glanced back up at Vanitas and felt his cheeks heating in shame. His pulse was pounding now, and the only relief to be found was the fact that he hadn’t broken out in an anxious sweat. If he let his attention be drawn away by thinking of Vanitas watching him, there was no way he would be able to do it. Though it was difficult, Roxas tried to ignore that reality. Vanitas observing his awkward attempts didn’t matter. It didn’t.

Slow and somewhat misshapen, the form of the Unversed he was recalling started to form. Roxas took a deep breath, too aware of the way his hands shook. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, letting out an unsteady breath. When Roxas opened them again it was to see a much more stable, if not entirely opaque, image of what he’d been trying to create.

Vanitas nodded at him, and made no move to dispel his creation.

“You’re getting that much faster than Ventus did, that’s for sure. Both of you are. Even though he was the one who figured it out in the first place, he’s still garbage at it.” The praise gave the flush on his cheeks a much more positive source. Not only was Vanitas not making fun of his clumsy first attempt, he’d approved of it. “As for that feeling, hm… Can’t say it in a particularly elegant way, I guess. “I want to own,” that’s the best I’ve got.”

“Are they all things you want, or are there other ways of saying it?” Vanitas shrugged vaguely at Xion’s question, leaning back on the palms of his hands. Trying to describe a feeling _was_ difficult, even for Vanitas. Still, the way Vanitas had defined it was easy enough to absorb. Possibly, the bluntness of it was what made it so simple to understand.

“You’ve just made similar choices. I don’t know how Ventus explained this,” Vanitas was pointing to the pot he’d genuinely created, “But if you were to ask me, I would say “I enjoy your frustration”. Nowadays it’s little more than a glorified heat source, I suppose… and I use it to annoy Ventus, of course.”

Not paying much attention to it, Vanitas instead pulled it back into his being. Xion was offering up a different Unversed, the massive hourglass he’d last seen the day Vanitas had apologized to him. In her hands, of course, it was tiny.

Vanitas’s expression grew tense at the sight of it, and Roxas thought this would be rejected as well until the other boy was speaking. “It’s two-sided. I can’t expect you to grasp the fine details well enough to recreate it accurately, so…”

Vanitas’s rendition was probably a perfect one, unlike the fuzzy, vague version Xion had created. This one Roxas could make out the face of, at least. Small as it was, it smiled at him. That didn’t seem right. Had it smiled when Vanitas had made it for real?

“Like this, it’s… it’s…” Vanitas didn’t want to tell them.

“You can skip it,” Roxas started, the words escaping his lips before he had the chance to think about them. With a wry glance, Vanitas shook his head.

“I started, might as well finish. Like this, “I’m…”” Not only did Vanitas not want to tell them, he didn’t know how. But he was determined to say it now, even as he pursed his lips in thought. ““I’m… confident, satisfied, that I control… the situation,” I suppose. Like this…”

The hourglass flipped and suddenly looked the way Roxas remembered it, with its face strained by sorrow.

Xion’s image had disappeared, but the reason her own expression was so sad had nothing to do with that. “Is it maybe… “I’m worried that I don’t control it”?”

Vanitas’s momentary hesitance sent a pang of pain through him. More than “the situation”, Roxas got the distinct sense that what Vanitas worried he didn’t control was his own emotions. He needed another feeling to make that would change the subject. Hurriedly, he wracked his mind for more Versed. Something good, there were still good feelings he didn’t know.

“Something like that.”

The only thing he could think of was something he just didn’t remember clearly. Still, Roxas decided to give it a try. Red, striped, shaped like a cup… it was even more warped than the bird, but it was the best he could do.

“U-uh… Sorry, I don’t remember it that well. The thing you made when you were cooking, the cup thing. What’s that?”

The hourglass vanished, and was replaced by that tiny Versed. Roxas nodded immediately, relieved to be able to banish his own laughable display. Vanitas was thinking it over, looking upward as he pieced together what to say.

“For that, “I’m happy to provide clarity”.” Liking explaining things, Roxas thought. Vanitas only described his emotions in the direct context of himself, his statements reflecting that. Ven’s definitions had been more abstract and lacked an explicit subject, but both ways made sense.

Xion was already coming up with something else, the plant Unversed sometimes used as a tool. Snorting, Vanitas waved a hand at it. That one was no good, then. Vanitas was intent on keeping quite a few secrets.

“Another.”

Xion let her breath hiss out as her projection vanished. They were quickly running out of emotions to conjure up, Roxas thought. What else was there?

The rose. As soon as it entered his mind, Roxas knew it wasn’t something Vanitas would tell them. The feeling that had dug into him, made him hurt, there was no way he would speak of it. Maybe, the kinder version… it was hard to remember what it had looked like. More easily came the image of the colorful balloons that Vanitas had made in his sleep… but Vanitas _had_ made them in his sleep, and Roxas wasn’t sure if it was okay to reveal that event. As far as Vanitas knew, he had never seen them. Ven had told him not to mention it, so he kept his mouth shut and his mind searching.

What Xion was creating was a jellyfish, what he knew had been massive in reality. Its translucence was intentional this time, because the actual thing had been the same. Colorful balls filled its center, and Roxas recalled Xion curled up and asleep on its cap.

“Ha! No way.”

“Oh, come on!”

“I’m surprised you don’t know, you touched it. Maybe you were too wiped for it to reach. I’ll give you a hint, I guess. A feeling about your relationship with others.”

“That could be anything,” Xion protested, pouting. It was a terrible, vague hint. Roxas didn’t even know if he could call it a hint, because it didn’t clarify anything at all. Almost every emotion that Vanitas had spelled out to them related to other people. Unaffected by Xion’s words, Vanitas again shrugged before looking to Ven. Mischief flickered in his eyes, and he leaned forward and began to pull the coconut husks from his chest as it rose and fell slowly.

Ven was about to be underground, Roxas realized abruptly. An Unversed was forming, the massive ape that he’d seen twice now.

“What’s that one?” Roxas blurted out immediately. Vanitas stood and let out a low chuckle, waving it forward. With no hesitation, his creation began scooping up huge fistfuls of sand and bringing them up from the shore.

““I’m proud of my power.”” It was sensible, Roxas thought. Something so big and daunting made sense to be a celebration of strength. “Useful. As you might imagine, it wasn’t an easy opponent for Ventus to tackle.”

“Yeah, I’d say!” The thing was twice as tall as Xion, if not twice as tall as him. Vanitas himself didn’t even reach any further up than its elbow, even though he had several inches on Xion. But all it was doing was shoveling sand onto Ven as Vanitas watched in delight. The fact that it hadn’t roused him was completely astounding. Ven slept like a log, didn’t he?

Wanting to know, Roxas held his hands out palms-up again as Vanitas crouched and started to smooth out the sand he’d gleefully dumped on Ven. It was clumsy, not quite stable, but he created it. A pure white flower, a smiling face, vines that bore no thorns. A gentle Versed that Vanitas had created.

“Vanitas?” Vanitas’s gaze fell upon his illusion, and his expression too was gentle after a split second of surprise. A soft feeling, a kind feeling. “What… what does this mean?”

With the ghost of a smile on his face, Vanitas looked back to Ven’s sleeping face.

“What would he call it? Gratitude, I suppose, since that is its core. As for me, how I’d describe it? Back then, what I wanted to say was… “Thank you, for forgiving me.””

Twenty minutes later Ven, covered in sand, pinned a laughing Vanitas down to repeatedly pummel him… and through it all, they all laughed as well.


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's double-chapter day! Got two short-ish Ven chapters once more. Ventus has some complicated feelings in this chapter... and, bless their hearts, he and Vanitas are really, really trying to cook. By the way, not counting the bonus content I'm casually bringing together, as of this chapter there's about 100,000 words left of this story!
> 
> Thanks to everyone for their comments, as always!

A long time ago, they had slept in each others’ arms. Ven knew that with his head, knew that it wasn’t something new or anything to get nervous over suddenly. His heart didn’t seem quite on board. Though he couldn’t nail down what about it was so different, it definitely was. Maybe back then he’d simply been too exhausted all the time to be embarrassed. Maybe they’d simply both been desperate for the comfort of another person’s warmth, their wounded hearts crying out in loneliness. Maybe it was that something had changed.

Sharing a cramped bed with Vanitas, falling asleep in Vanitas’s arms, would be…

For whatever reason, Ven couldn’t stop thinking about something that hadn’t even happened. The bed was almost done. The mattress was dry, even though Vanitas had ended up having to throw it in the waterfall after they’d realized belatedly that it was crusted with salt. He’d had to start over, but it was finally clean and dry. Instead of sleeping on it, they simply continued to curl up on the ground beside one another and didn’t speak of it. The meager padding of extra blankets that could have been placed on the mattress was all that they used. Part of Ventus felt bad about it, the fact that perhaps the thing Vanitas had spent so much time making for him would sit abandoned for months more.

Vanitas grunted in frustration, peering into the Red Hot Chili he’d created hours ago with a vicious scowl. It shook Ven back to reality, and he sighed with the knowledge that they’d had another failure. He’d lost track of how many times it had been, and how much rice had been wasted. His own memories of cooking in the Land of Departure had helped, at least enough for Ven to know roughly the right amount of water to use. The right temperature, with something as finicky and unclear as an Unversed, was another matter entirely.

The smell of burned rice was pretty ugly.

“I hate trial and error,” Ven muttered, and Vanitas rubbed the bridge of his nose even though it had been years since either of them had gotten an actual headache. It would have been a little easier if the lid of the Unversed had been translucent. At least then they could tell when the water was boiling, rather than having to listen closely.

“Almost had it,” Vanitas said, but whether he believed it or not Ventus couldn’t say. If he didn’t put an end to it, he thought Vanitas would continue until they just ran out of rice entirely. The crate that had arrived that day had been filled with things that needed to be cooked, and nothing to cook them with. Eggs, rice, meat, poultry… that last one, Ven thought they could pull off now. Vanitas was using Mandrake leaves to cut wood, so surely he could use them to slice a chicken. They didn’t have any cooking utensils, or even anything to eat with but their hands. All they had was a makeshift knife, which admittedly was very useful. They could hard boil the eggs, and shape the rice into clumps that could be picked up when they finally managed to actually cook it. Spearing chicken on a “knife” was feasible. The Unversed were just becoming household tools, really. Ven thought it was probably fine. Vanitas wasn’t complaining about it, at least.

“Let’s try something else.”

Vanitas hummed at him, a long note that expressed his stubborn reluctance. He’d stupidly turned it into a battle, and didn’t want to admit defeat to grain. Even if that part of it was a little cute, Ventus was ready for it to end. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well… there’s a chicken, isn’t there? We could try baking it, or maybe roasting it with a Triple Wre-”

“Stop,” Vanitas groaned, still absolutely loathing every name he’d heard for the Unversed. Ignoring that displeasure, Ven simply continued to speak his thoughts as they came.

“I guess that one won’t work, though. We don’t have a pan to put it in to cook it, so it’s gonna have to be a Red Hot Chili.” There was something really funny about the way Vanitas reacted to that. It was so dramatic, though Ven knew he wasn’t trying to make a show out of it. At least it was subdued compared to some of the things that had happened long in the past. Vanitas had… evened out, a little. Their hearts had healed, even if they weren’t completely so. The Unversed helped, truly. And the days where Vanitas emptied himself out and rejected all he felt, those days had ended. Probably, his heart had simply healed and become strong again. Ven couldn’t call him well-adjusted, nor could he call himself that. But Vanitas was happy, and just that made him happy too.

He still hated the names, though. That wouldn’t change.

Rather than trying to clean out the Unversed, Vanitas simply did what he’d been doing every time and banished it entirely. A crusted, burned blob of rice dropped to the ground in a smoking heap. Running his hands through his hair, Vanitas considered that inedible mess for a long moment. Finally, he looked back to Ven.

“I’m game. How’s this gonna work, and how bad is it gonna stink when it gets burned?”

“Uh… Well, let me get it first…”

Nothing seemed to rot in this place. He’d started noticing it with coconuts a long time ago, that no matter how many there were none of them began to go bad. They just piled up, though lately Vanitas had been taking to eating them as soon as they were ripe. Admittedly, Ventus wasn’t sure he knew what a rotten coconut looked like. But the other fruits they’d gotten, those hadn’t spoiled either. There were birds and insects, but they didn’t try to break into the cave they’d turned into a food storage place. The only other animals he’d seen were the schools of fish that sometimes approached the shallows and the occasional starfish or crab.

Nothing in the boy’s heart was “real”. That meant, probably, they couldn’t run out of anything that existed on the real island permanently. The coconuts that grew on the trees, they seemed endless. The fish in the ocean, those were certainly the same way.

As he stood in the dim cave and squinted, Ventus remembered that once he’d managed to make a light. He still wasn’t sure how he’d done it. All he’d wanted was to see Vanitas in the darkness, to not let go of that brief moment where he’d been illuminated. Ven looked at his hands, frowning. A light. He wanted a light, to be able to see what he was looking for. If he’d done it once, he could do it again. A hundred times, a thousand times.

Remembering the ball of light that had gathered in his palms, Ventus called it back into being.

“Huh,” he said, staring at what floated above his hands. The only thing he’d done was imagine what he’d already created once, and it was there again. When Ven moved his hands away from it, the ball of light remained where it had bloomed into existence. Pursing his lips, he prodded it with one finger and ended up nudging it a few inches forward. It didn’t feel like anything, maybe a faint sensation of coolness that could have been all in his head. But it was doing what Ven had wanted it to. He could see the inside of the cave clearly now, rather than relying on what faintly streamed in from above.

“Ventus, did you get lost or what?” Ven didn’t think he’d been in the cave for a particularly long time, but maybe he was wrong about that. Either way, it had been long enough for Vanitas to come after him. Raising his voice, Ven called back to the entrance of the cave.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine!” As far away as he was, he still heard Vanitas tut at him. Rolling his eyes, Ven leaned over the newest crate to find what he’d come into the cave for. For something that had only arrived earlier that day, the contents of that crate had gotten obnoxiously mixed up. After some painfully long seconds, Ven managed to extract it from the rest of the crate without breaking all of the eggs. He didn’t need the light anymore – as soon he thought that, it vanished without a trace.

Feeling a bit stupid, Ventus carried an entire chicken that wasn’t actually real out of a cave that only existed inside another person’s heart.

“Uh…”

Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him, his expression cool. At some point he’d obviously gotten bored and was now reclining on the dock, on his side and propped up on one muscular arm. Clutching the chicken a little tighter and feeling a little stupider, Ven simply stared. He wasn’t sure if Vanitas was feeling his sudden confused emotions, but he found himself desperately hoping he wasn’t.

Swallowing unfortunately audibly, with heat rising inside him, Ven made his way to the dock with poorly-feigned calmness, sat down awkwardly, and failed to meet Vanitas’s eyes.

“This is gonna sound stupid,” Ven started, putting what he’d brought out down and drawing one knee up to his chest, “But I think I really need a break from cooking.”

“You just got that,” Vanitas said, a twinge of incredulity in his voice. Both of them considered the chicken for a moment, the silence between them growing more and more strained. The longer it stretched, the stupider Ventus felt. Finally, Vanitas said something to fill the empty air. “Do you have some other idea of something to do?”

“Well… no.” Of course he didn’t. That would have been sensible, and sensibility seemed beyond him that day. Vanitas was watching him too closely, ramping his irrational anxiety up even higher. It was hard to even look at Vanitas, he was so nervous. “I mean… I guess we could do whatever.”

That nervousness was why he didn’t react in time, Ven told himself as he stared up at the sky from underwater. Vanitas peered over the edge of the dock, his expression immensely smug as Ven sat up and coughed out a mouthful of water. With strangely little frustration, Ven considered that him falling or more likely being pushed into the ocean might become a recurring event. He didn’t have a lot of time to think about it before Vanitas was stripping his shirt off, at which point Ven didn’t think about anything at all. Though he very carefully folded them up and set them down, Vanitas had taken off both of his shirts and was shooting him a devilish grin.

It was far more of Vanitas than he’d ever seen, and Ventus didn’t know how to feel about how blatant the difference in their physiques was. Though he didn’t find himself feeling intimidated or even insecure over it, Ven couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight of Vanitas’s half-bare body. Ventus wanted to consider it unfair, that Vanitas’s arms were almost twice the size of his own. He wanted to consider the thickness of his chest and back unfair, the definition of his stomach, the way his muscles shifted as he did something as simple as getting to his feet… Ven wanted to consider it all unfair, but Vanitas had earned every inch of that incredible body and he didn’t want to look away.

One well-muscled arm reached down and pulled him to his feet by the shirt, leaving Ven speechless. The way Vanitas’s eyes raked over his dripping clothing made him indescribably uneasy, something heavy settling in the pit of his stomach. Even worse, before Ven knew it Vanitas was reaching to… to…

“Oh, very funny!” His hands were shaking when he batted Vanitas’s away, and they didn’t steady even as he unbuckled his spaulder and set it on the dock. The straps around his chest went next, and then Ventus was clumsily pulling his own shirt off while battling his own mortification. Vanitas was looking at him too much, Ven couldn’t concentrate on anything with that intent gaze being aimed at him. What Vanitas had been planning to do, whether it was to touch him or push him down again, Ven didn’t know. Both of them would have had his heart beating a frantic staccato in his chest.

He’d thought that perhaps, again, Vanitas would hand him his dry shirt to change into. But Vanitas was pulling his boots off with a lazy little smile, and Ven could only continue to stare at him. “Seems like you need some help.”

“I don’t! What are you even…” Vanitas’s smirk was unbelievably disconcerting, even though there was nothing abnormal about it. “Uh…”

“Ventus, close your mouth before something flies into it. You think I’m going swimming with my boots on?” It took a stupidly long amount of time for the words to register. Of course that was why Vanitas was taking his clothes off. Ven wasn’t sure what else he could possibly be undressing for and he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to think too much about it. Snorting at his silence, Vanitas stretched one leg out and planted his bare foot on Ven’s chest. Automatically, Ven grabbed the offending limb and flushed when Vanitas barked in laughter. “Where were those reflexes a minute ago? Just letting me push you in the water. What, something on your mind?”

“What? No! Just… you wanna go swimming?” Too late, Ventus realized he could have said something like “You’re lucky I didn’t toss you!”. He really was off his game. Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him, looking obnoxiously composed and oddly smug. With growing panic, Ven watched Vanitas start to unbuckle his belt.

Seemingly not noticing, Vanitas set the strange cloth he wore around his waist on the dock and thankfully made no move to take his pants off. It only slightly lessened whatever it was that made Ven feel like he was being strangled. With that sly grin still on his face, Vanitas jumped down off the dock into the water. It only came up to his shins, which Ven wanted to kick.

For a moment, Ven genuinely thought Vanitas was going to reach out and touch him again. He had no idea why he expected it, something in Vanitas’s eyes or in his squared shoulders. But what he was trying to emotionally prepare himself for never came, and his relief was mixed with something else entirely.

With neither of them mentioning how uncool Ventus had proved himself to be that day they went swimming, and eventually he’d finally relaxed enough to simply smile and laugh.

Later they burned a chicken, and it stank.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the second chapter. This is a really, really short one, but it's what it was meant to be as far as I'm concerned. The reveal of Vanitas's favorite way to husk coconuts has arrived, some roughhousing is in store, and then some stuff that's a bit somber rears its head yet again.
> 
> Thanks to everyone yet again, your comments keep me going.

“I hate it,” Ven said finally, and Vanitas gave him the smuggest grin yet. The sight greeting his eyes was entirely unwelcome. He absolutely, positively hated it. Vanitas had a knife, and he had proven that he was strong enough to husk a coconut with his hands, and he had done something infinitely worse instead.

“Watch this,” Vanitas had said, before fixing his teeth in the husk and ripping a long strip off. It was nasty, totally disgusting, and that was exactly why Vanitas had done it. There was no other reason for it. With Vanitas doing something like that, it made it a lot easier to forget how nervous he’d been around him lately. “I hate your stupid names, so we’re even.”

“That’s totally unnecessary though! Names aren’t!”

“Stupid names are!” Puffing his cheeks out, Ven considered blasting Vanitas in the face with a fireball. That would only make him happier, Ventus was sure. His glee was manifesting as Red Hot Chili, as always. To his despair, the realization that Vanitas was going to keep husking coconuts like that struck him. Now that he’d gotten the reaction he’d been hoping for, he was never going to stop.

“You’re gross, how did you even come up with something so nasty?”

“I thought it might be amusing,” Vanitas said, pleased, and the grin on his face had Ven’s feelings warring with each other in his heart. “Sometimes you get bored with how you’ve been doing things and get creative. New methods are interesting, don’t you think?”

“Sure, but this one’s awful.” Vanitas bit his lower lip around his smile, too pleased with himself. Knowing that those teeth had just been buried in a coconut husk, Ven couldn’t appreciate the sight. “Don’t be so smug about it! You’re gonna make me hate coconuts if you husk them like that.”

“Well, that would be unfortunate seeing as it’s one of the only things we can guarantee will exist here and one of the easiest things to eat.” The fact that he wasn’t wrong was frustrating. Vanitas was right with increasing frequency, and it made him want to push the other boy over. If that happened they’d get in a fistfight, which was actually fun enough that he might do it anyway. “What are you thinking about, Ventus?”

“A bunch of stuff, but mostly that you’re annoying.” Vanitas bobbed his head in agreement, unconcerned. He reached out with one foot, nudging Ven’s thigh and making him forget that he’d been irritated. Ventus couldn’t help it, leaning forward and punching Vanitas’s arm playfully. That act was going to start it, Ven knew, and he didn’t care.

Beaming wide, Vanitas abandoned the coconut he’d been using as a form of torment in favor of tackling him to the ground. Expecting it, Ven took advantage of the momentum to grab Vanitas by the shirt and hurl him over his head. It put him flat on his back, and, because of course he did, Vanitas landed upright. He _almost_ didn’t, stumbling stupidly, but managed to keep from falling face-first to the ground. His attempt to grab Vanitas’s ankle and yank his legs out from under him failed, netting him a taunting grin and the idle threat of harmless magic. Scrambling to his feet, Ventus dove with outstretched arms and as soon as he hit Vanitas square in the middle with his entire body weight it knocked the air from him and made the fireball in his hand fizzle out.

That time, he’d managed to drop the other boy. Pleased with the result, Ven immediately regretted taking a moment to take _in_ the moment as he was rolled onto his back. He managed to jam a knee between their bodies, trying to use it as leverage to get free as his heart started to pound with excitement. Vanitas, having caught both of his wrists, only took Ven with him as he was shoved back. It was a game of push and pull, the both of them wrestling on the ground like idiots, Vanitas catching him in a headlock and being swiftly punished for it with an elbow to the gut, Ven managing to clip Vanitas under the chin to snap his head back, two bodies rolling around in the dirt even as laughter started to bubble up from their throats.

His heart was soaring. It might have been stupid or even ridiculous, and he didn’t care. This was a game for the two of them. If someone else who might peer in found it weird, Ventus didn’t care. It wasn’t for anyone else, just them.

Something he only did with Vanitas.

Panting on the ground, with grins and sparkling eyes that were a perfect match for one another, neither of them could stop laughing breathlessly. Vanitas reached out and pinched his nose shut, turning his giggling nasal and even funnier. Ven took hold of that hand to pry it off, finding it hard to let go again once he’d managed it. Curled up on his side, face to face with Vanitas and filled with some kind of relaxed joy that he’d sorely missed, Ven beamed with all his might. This was how they were, two people who could take joy in each others’ presence.

This was the real Vanitas, wasn’t it? One day, Ven knew he would be able to show his true face to the world outside. When that day came, he’d be there to have Vanitas’s back.

At the sight of his expression, Vanitas’s smile turned to something a little softer, totally relaxed. In a way, he actually looked amazingly dopey. “In a way” was playing it down – to Ven’s delight, he genuinely looked like a blissful idiot. As if beginning to realize that, Vanitas furrowed his brow only slightly. With no ceremony a new creature popped out of him, and it was familiar. Not because it resembled an Unversed that he knew, but because it resembled something easily recognizable.

Impossibly adorable, Vanitas made a pale blue teddy bear. He stared at it, his eyebrows drawing together. The shape of that emotion had been unexpected, Ventus thought. It had been unexpected to him too, so it wasn’t like he could blame Vanitas for being surprised by it.

Pursing his lips, Ven reached out to touch its head. The thing was soft, which was to be expected. The nose was a red button that matched the color of its eyes, the familiar shade that every Unversed had. Its mark was stamped on its belly, and the only thing it did when he touched it was sit. And it was some kind of relaxed contentment, something that reminded him of looking up at the stars after a beautiful meteor shower, of sitting on the dock with Vanitas, of the softness of his bed back at home.

Ventus wasn’t sure exactly what to call it, that feeling. A teddy bear, something a child would curl up with to sleep. Comfort? Vanitas was comfortable because of his smile. Just touching it filled him with that comfort, familiarity, maybe even domesticity, and for a long moment all he did was look at Vanitas and appreciate that.

It was without a doubt the cutest thing that Vanitas had ever created.

“Huh,” Vanitas said, looking as if he couldn’t really believe it belonged to him. It didn’t look like it belonged to him. “Ventus, you know something?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“I wasn’t always making these things willingly.”

For a moment, Ventus wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Then he was frowning, the emotions radiating in from what he was touching not quite enough to keep him from growing troubled. “What does that mean?”

“They just happened,” Vanitas sighed, closing his eyes. “I’d feel, and they would appear. The whole thing was totally uncontrollable, I couldn’t stop them or give them orders or take them back in. I didn’t know how to do the last one, even. I was too unstable, I guess. The master only observed me. He was waiting to see what would happen, probably. An unexpected result of his experiment, that’s what the Unversed were.”

“Then… what did you do with them back then?”

“I destroyed them.”

Yellow eyes met his once more, and Ven felt his heart plummet into his stomach.

“What?”

“I used my Keyblade and my magic and my fists, and I destroyed them. I just kept doing it. They’d show up and I’d immediately destroy them. It went on like that for days, I don’t know why I did it. I was just… I just kept doing it.”

Reaching out with one hand, Ven took the one closest to him. Vanitas simply looked at that, a wry smile gracing his lips. The question he wanted to ask, he knew the answer to it already. Still, Ventus opened his mouth. “Didn’t that hurt?”

“Sure. So much that I couldn’t stand. Every time I did it, I’d collapse. Then I would open my eyes and they would start again. But I couldn’t let them stay around. I didn’t know what they were or why they existed, and I was afraid of them. I had some idea that destroying them would destroy my emotions as well, that if I killed them off I wouldn’t have to feel. And that was true, but my body was in such agony from it. Of course that pain just made more, and so eventually I would always break down. The master found it funny… Even once they were under my control, he had me fight them in the Badlands every day. Well, when he wasn’t training me himself.” Neither of them spoke of it, what that training from their former master had consisted of. “Mostly it was the Unversed. That was how I trained, how we knew you’d grow strong from facing them. I’d done it already.”

Not knowing what he could possibly say in response to that, Ventus squeezed the fingers he’d curled his own around and was relieved when Vanitas returned the gesture. Feeling his heart, Vanitas could surely tell that the words had hit him hard. Days of simply fighting himself, caught in an endless loop of pain and panic. And then years of it, holding on to that misery and fear. Clenching his jaw, Ven couldn’t meet Vanitas’s eyes.

He’d gone to the Land Of Departure to heal. Vanitas had beaten himself unconscious over and over again in a barren wasteland, and had his pain laughed at.

“Don’t get emotional over it, Ventus. The past is the past. Your heart connected with that kid’s heart, and everything stabilized. I was suddenly in control. And I’m here now, with… with you.”

“… yeah, you are.”

One day they’d leave for somewhere else, but surely… surely, on that day they would leave together.

Surely, he and Vanitas would never be apart.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for a Xion chapter! And it's heavy. I know a lot of people are very curious to know about a certain past event, and more and more of that info is coming out soon. Right now there's some very solid pieces being rolled out, just not an entire picture. This chapter is a little on the shorter side, but I don't know if it'll feel that way.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments! I hope you enjoy.

Xion opened her eyes to the light of dawn filtering into the cave, which would have been a lot nicer if she wasn’t waking up on the ground. It was falling out of bed that had woken her of course, and she wished it wasn’t becoming such a regular occurrence. Vanitas had run out of supplies a few days ago, retreating to the secret place and deliberating there for close to half an hour. Though he had glue, what he lacked now was wood itself. Ven had told them wryly that he was heavily considering breaking down one of their storage crates, which had made Roxas happier than she thought was really warranted.

“Guess you’re gonna have to wait,” Vanitas had told her bluntly, but he’d seemed more frustrated by it than either she or Roxas. It wasn’t as if they had a mattress for it anyway. While it was a little disappointing to have to wait longer, there was nothing to be done about it. No one really understood how the things Sora’s heart gave them were actually sent.

Roxas was still asleep, she noted. It was probably wrong to wake him just because she’d woken herself up. That didn’t seem quite fair, but Xion didn’t think she could simply climb back into bed and fall asleep again. It was morning, and she might as well stay awake and see if Ven and Vanitas were up. After weeks or perhaps months of being in Sora’s heart what she’d learned was that Ven woke up earlier than anyone else, while Vanitas intentionally slept in. At the very least she might have Ven to talk to, which meant maybe Xion could ask him if he knew what was wrong with Roxas. Recently, he’d begun to laugh at things Vanitas said that didn’t seem to be particularly funny. Though it wasn’t like he was in any danger, it really was… becoming strange, the way he acted. But the way Ven silently reacted… maybe she wouldn’t ask, after all.

Xion slipped her boots on and made her way across the beach to head to the tree. After only a few steps, she paused. What had Ven told her? Imagining herself in the place she wanted to be, seeing herself there in her mind’s eye. If she really did her best, Xion thought she could do it. And if no one was around, no one would see it if she failed embarrassingly. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes.

Was it better to aim close to where she was, or just try to appear directly on the balcony outside Ven and Vanitas’s room? Probably, the latter would be tougher. At the very least, the ramp. But she didn’t know if she could do that at all, and she instead tried to picture the beach on the other side of the island. Picturing herself on the beach… somehow, it was harder than Xion had expected. That was how Ven did it, and he did it as if it were second-nature. After years, maybe it was. She could do it, couldn’t she? She felt like she had the gist of creating images now, and it was sort of the same thing. Picturing something and making it real.

Nothing at all seemed to be happening. Even concentrating as hard as she could, Xion didn’t feel any rush of power or any kind of change whatsoever. Reluctantly she opened her eyes once more, and instead of looking at the ledge next to their bedroom cave found herself staring at the dock.

It had been both easier and more difficult than expected, Xion thought. There had been no indication whatsoever that things had worked, not until she’d opened her eyes again. Somehow, that was a little annoying to know. She wished Ven had warned her about that, but she didn’t know why she’d expected to feel something. Instead of dwelling on it, she climbed the steps to the dock and headed up the ramp. Teleporting was something she’d get the hang of in time, she thought. But she’d managed it on the first try, so maybe she already was doing well. Grinning, Xion pulled herself up the ladder.

Before she’d even reached the top she could hear Ven and Vanitas’s voices, and Xion didn’t like the sound of them at all.

“I didn’t want to,” Vanitas was saying, his voice outright choked. She could hear quiet sniffling, but it was too hard to tell which boy it was coming from. “Ventus I didn’t.”

One of them was crying, or maybe both. Xion froze on the ladder, not knowing at all what to do. It wasn’t right to listen, she knew. If she could help, though…

“I _know_ you didn’t, but it still hurt. I was scared! My head was, was spinning, I didn’t know what was happening and I was so scared, and then you-!” Ven’s sentence collapsed along with his voice, lost in a frustrated sob. A past event was being rolled out in vague words, something terrible that Vanitas had done. “Then when I came back you were being so awful, I couldn’t believe it. I know you don’t hate Roxas and Xion, I do. I know you really care about them! But you were so mean to them, it wasn’t fair. I thought that the old you was… Vanitas, will you please just tell me the truth already?”

Vanitas said nothing for an agonizing moment, and Xion realized she’d been simply hanging on the ladder ever since she’d been able to make out their voices. As silently as she could she finished climbing it and sat on the ledge, just out of sight. What they were talking about, it was how Ven had left Sora’s heart. It was something Vanitas had done. It was Vanitas’s fault, something he’d done without wanting to. An accident? Had all the pain the two had gone through been nothing but a terrible fluke?

The reply that Vanitas finally gave made her heart feel like it was being squeezed and twisted, like something was trying to tear it in two. The truth was…

“ _I thought you were dead!_ ”

Ven caught his breath at the words, and the ugly sound she was hearing was Vanitas weeping. Xion covered her mouth with her hands, staring down at her knees. She was listening in on something private, it was wrong. Even so… this was something she and Roxas needed to know, wasn’t it? The truth of what had happened back then, his own past, at the very least it was something Roxas should know. She didn’t think she could just go get him, was too afraid to move even just to leave. Xion didn’t think she could concentrate enough to just teleport away, not with what was happening now.

Even if she tried to justify herself listening in, the truth was that she didn’t know how to leave.

“Vani-”

“I couldn’t feel your heart anymore, it was gone. It was _gone_ , it had never been gone I’d always been able to feel your heartbeats, I didn’t know w-what was happening. I woke up and knew you were gone and I c-couldn’t, it was! I kept, t-trying to tell myself that it didn’t mean… Ventus, I was! All I wanted was!”

“I know you were trying to keep me safe,” Ven sobbed out, his voice raw and agonized. What she was hearing, what she was learning, was far too awful. They’d been ripped apart by a well-intended act. That was the truth of it. They had been alone, miserable, living in fear. Vanitas had spent months and months like that while Ven slept, an entire year trapped by it. How had it happened?

Sora had become a Heartless.

“I knew that i-it could, that maybe you were just sleeping. I kept, I kept saying that, but your heart w-was, I couldn’t, I was so scared a-and paranoid, I c-couldn’t make myself believe it. The storms started again and I didn’t, I had no idea what to do. I was trying to save, I, I tried to… just, no matter how many t-times, I just, I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m sorry I was mean and cruel and stupid and I pushed you away and then-!”

“You _did_ save me, though! You saved me, I’m only here now because-!”

“That’s right, you never would have had to come to this place if not for me! You’re supposed to be safe with your family, not here. Because of me, you were here when he-! It doesn’t _matter_ what I did when it happened, I’m the reason you were here to be in danger in the first place!”

“Vanitas… Vanitas don’t cry, I can’t… e-even if that’s true, even if we’re here because we fought, you protected me!”

“There had to have been some other _way_. Ventus I thought that, I thought!” Vanitas’s sob was muffled, and Xion thought it was that Ven was hugging him tight. She wished someone would hold her too, Axel or Roxas or both of them, even Riku who had once cradled her in his arms. Her eyes were burning, her heart aching in the face of the misery spilling from the pair. How could either of them have borne that pain for an entire year? “I couldn’t, s-stop thinking that. Even though I was trying to, I w-was, I was scared that all I a-actually ended up doing was, was making it so that you’d, d… I-I, thought you’d died or turned all alone and it was my _fault!_ I wasn’t there for you! I thought that, that what happened after, i-it was my punishment, that I deserved it.”

“You didn’t,” Ven said, and though his voice trembled those words were sharp. Xion bit down hard on her lower lip, unable to stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks. If she sobbed, she would give herself away. A conversation she had no right to hear and couldn’t bear the weight of. Her chest felt like it was being crushed.

“Ventus, why did you do it?”

“It was all I _could_ do. I’m sorry, I w-wasn’t strong enough.” It was more than just witnessing the scene making her feel so awful, Xion realized abruptly. What she was feeling on top of that was the bleed of Vanitas’s emotions, washing over her body and filling her with fearful sorrow. Like the first day she’d spent in Sora’s heart, that moment that the pair had been reunited, Vanitas’s feelings were spilling out of him. The tears falling down her face were as much his as her own. “Don’t… don’t push me away again. I waited too long to tell you, I was being so hard-headed because I was nervous and… Vanitas, please don’t look at me like that…”

“It hurts,” Vanitas choked out, and it did. His labored breaths seemed to cut right through her, the breathing of someone barely holding on. He was on the verge of it, of screaming in anguish the way she once had. They both were, he and Ven. Something in that room was clattering, but Vanitas managed to take in a deeper breath and the sound died with it. “I could have said it but I didn’t, I gave such stupid hints that you couldn’t get and then when that didn’t work I just w-waited for you to do it and pretended I didn’t already… Even though I, for ages I knew how you, I was trying to be cool and it was stupid I was so stupid. Ven I didn’t _want_ to let go.”

It was the first time she’d ever heard Vanitas call Ven by his nickname. Xion wished it could have been in any other context. The voice Vanitas had spoken it in was weak, almost broken. She was glad Roxas wasn’t here, couldn’t see her crying or hear their strained voices. Everything that was happening, the feelings finally being released after being held tight for so long, all of it was simply…

Too cruel.

“Vanitas, I’m… whenever I think that, when… when Sora was fighting before, I was so scared. I couldn’t tell Xion and Roxas, I couldn’t explain. If I lost you again… I don’t know what happened, I still don’t understand anything! Becoming, becoming a Heartless, I know that’s what you were trying to keep… But you got _hurt._ ” Ven’s voice cracked, his breathing growing more ragged. That clattering was back, a rapid, irregular sound. Wind was starting to rush past her, as if air was being pulled into the room. It pulled at her clothes, her hair, chilling her to the bone. Vanitas was creating it. The clattering in that room, the sudden gusts of wind, they were Vanitas’s emotions spiraling out of control. Though the early morning sun should have been pouring into the room, when Xion nervously glanced toward the doorway it was to see a pitch-black hole instead.

Sora’s transformation, what had it done to them? What had happened to this place, the place they had lived in for so many years? She couldn’t imagine it. A place as wonderful as this island, what had happened to it just over a year ago? As Xion squeezed her hands tighter around her mouth, she heard Ven and Vanitas’s frantic breathing and stumbling words.

“That wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t. I, I decided. Breathe for me, just breathe breathe _Ven_ it’s okay I’m okay just, I c-can’t, if you, I can’t,” Vanitas was gasping the words out, but it was hard to hear over the wind now. Whether or not Ven could calm himself enough to help Vanitas rein his feelings in, Xion didn’t know. The only thing she was sure of was that she couldn’t intervene. The wind Vanitas was creating was starting to cut into her, stinging her skin and making her eyes water for a different reason than sadness. It was something she couldn’t draw closer to. It was something dangerous in its sorrow, the wordless pleas of a suffering heart. From within that room, Xion could hear the scraping, clattering, smashing of furniture being dragged across the floor and toppled, their possessions scattered to the floor. Though he was at the center of that vortex of emotion, Ven wasn’t crying out in pain from it. The only thing hurting him was the past. “T-tell me how to help you, I want to help you!”

“It’s, I’m sorry, it’s just! I, I know I’m making it harder, I, please don’t, don’t show me such a-”

“Ven I don’t! I c-can’t let it out right, can’t think. Hurts, it, my chest, please Ven don’t-”

“I _won’t_ I don’t want to so just, s-stay, just, deep breaths, we’ll stay l-like this, calm breaths breathe we’ll, I, c-can’t _I_ can’t breathe, Vanitas ki-” Whatever Ven was going to say didn’t leave his mouth. In that instant, something burst. Unspeakable sorrow and bottomless fear filled her, almost knocking her over in its strength.

The howling wind abruptly ceased and everything it had lifted loudly settled once more. Vanitas’s feelings, exploding outward. But that ended it. The pressure had been relieved, somehow. All Xion heard was their panting breaths and the rustle of fabric, as if they were rolling in the tight embrace they were certainly sharing. If nothing else, the sea of emotion that had been spilling from Vanitas had lessened. Saying nothing at all, they were nonetheless consoling one another. Xion could understand that. Sometimes, the only thing necessary was the knowledge that someone else was there.

“Do you need me to-” Ven’s words were lost in the sound of retching, a quiet thump and a splatter. Unseen by her, Vanitas had rolled out of bed and begun to vomit. What had it been? Ven had said something before, telling them about Vanitas and the Unversed.

_“Once he started trying to hold it all, he did that all the time.”_

Vanitas had failed to release his raging emotions as Unversed, and was paying a sickening price. Even so, the worst was over. Though that foul noise continued, the force of Vanitas’s leaking emotions was ebbing away. And, in time, so too did the sound of him voiding his stomach of whatever had been in it. It was over, simply a memory now.

Finally, Xion thought she herself had calmed enough to do it – to return to the cave, to sneak away without taking a single step. As quietly as she could, she took a deep breath. The cave where Roxas was, where he slept peacefully and knew nothing of the misery she’d secretly shared. It hadn’t been hers to take. The cave was where she was supposed to be, where she should have been all along. Xion closed her eyes as someone spoke.

“We need to talk to them.”

“Later. We’ll, we’ll talk to them later. It’s not, if we do it now we’ll both drop. Right now… just sleep, you need to sleep.”

“Stay with me…”

“I won’t go anywhere. It’s… it’s okay. Come sleep with me, just stay. Stay, don’t leave me. We’ll go together, right? Because I l-”

The rest, Xion didn’t hear.

She looked at Roxas in that morning light, took off her boots, and climbed back into bed beside him. He was breathing calmly, deep, even breaths. Sleeping as if nothing was wrong. Even if everything seemed hopeless…

She missed Axel, but she had Roxas. Ven and Vanitas had each other. Maybe that was enough, for a little longer.

Xion closed her eyes, and slept.


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, we've reached chapter 60! It's another rough one, and Sunday's will also be rough, but then we're back in business. This chapter has a major internal reveal, as well as a bunch of other minor reveals. And a big, big implication that's actually probably canon given Vanitas is back and presumably working for Xehanort again in KH3. But I'll let the chapter speak for itself.
> 
> I included the Mirage Arena exclusive Unversed with the assumption that Ven faced them all solo, because it just doesn't work otherwise given that a solid half of the entire story of BBS is the trio looking for each other. A single line in this chapter might not make sense to people unfamiliar with KHUX, but Vanitas expressing deja vu-esque familiarity with certain worlds stems from buried memories of Union missions.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's left comments! Eventually we'll get back to happier content.

“Hey, Vanitas?” It was rare that the sun was down and he wasn’t tired, but Ventus found himself unable to sleep. At his back, Vanitas let out a tiny grunt as if to say he was awake and listening. Feeling a little stupid, Ven realized he hadn’t quite thought over what he wanted to say. What Vanitas had told him about the Unversed, it had made him think. Clearly, it hadn’t been quite enough thinking. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“That all you wanna ask?” His voice was wry enough that Ven thought he had to be completely awake. “You can’t sleep? That’s new.”

“Well, you don’t have to make fun of me for it.”

“Who said I was making fun of you?” That gave Ven pause, and he felt Vanitas’s bare foot press against his calf almost teasingly. It made it even more confusing, trying to figure out whether or not Vanitas was messing with him in the middle of the night. He’d wanted to know, because he thought Vanitas might tell him now.

“Will you… explain some of your feelings?” Now it was Vanitas who was hesitating, and the ripple of energy that Ven felt was certainly that hesitation being vented out. A little more confidently, Vanitas rolled over onto his back and exhaled slowly.

“Maybe. Depends.” Groaning quietly, Ventus shifted enough to elbow him. It was very Vanitas to be so cheeky, at least. But this _was_ what Vanitas was really like, and Ven liked that well enough. “I might not say it in a way that’s easy to understand either, Ventus.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to try to get it then.” Vanitas fell silent at that, leaving them contemplative in the darkness of the shack. Vanitas’s feelings were complicated, but that was true for everyone. In a way though, the ability Ven had to simply press a hand to those emotions and understand them made things so much easier that it almost felt like cheating. “So will you tell me?”

“I don’t know where to start, Ventus.” Ven supposed that was fair. He’d put Vanitas on the spot, after all. Humming in thought, Ven rolled over to look up at the ceiling. Or, to look up into the blackness where the ceiling was. It was stupidly dark in the shack. He really wanted to go somewhere else.

“Hey, before that. It’s really… I sort of want to, uh…” Fumbling with his words, Ven felt like a complete idiot. Vanitas’s little chuckle of amusement made it better and worse at the same time, sending heat rising to his cheeks. If he was laughed at, this time Ven thought he’d probably deserve it. “Do you wanna go outside?”

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark now, Ventus.”

“Real funny, wise guy.” Despite his words and tone, Ven found himself smiling. Vanitas was already starting to untangle himself from the blankets, and it was surprisingly cold without his body heat. Bundling himself up in what Vanitas had extracted himself from, Ventus got to his feet in the hopes that by the time he was up, the door would be open and he’d be able to see a little more.

How had he made that light? But he didn’t really need it. Though it was dim the moon was illuminating the beach in front of him, turning the world and everything in it pale and achingly beautiful. Vanitas had glanced back at him with features softened by that gentle light, and Ven hurriedly looked down with the hope that it wasn’t too conspicuous.

“Is this more to your liking, then?”

“I like being able to see when I’m awake, yeah.” Laughing quietly, Vanitas slid his hands into his pockets and looked up at the sky. It was far from the excitement of a meteor shower, but standing there surrounded by a world drowned in silvery light felt almost magical. Taking a deep breath of the crisp, cool air, Ventus closed his eyes as if to take everything in with his other senses. The night could be enchanting as well, after all. It just took being awake to appreciate it.

“My feelings, huh.” When he looked once more, it was to see Vanitas had sat on the sand and was still staring up at the stars. It wasn’t cold beneath Ven’s bare feet, but it wasn’t warm the way it was under the sun’s rays. Settling down next to Vanitas, he awkwardly offered half of the blanket he was wearing like a cape and was relieved when it was accepted without a word. Wrapped together in that and sitting side-by-side, Vanitas’s warmth was reaching him again.

Without Vanitas, things really did seem cold.

“Yeah. I just thought, you know… maybe you’d tell me about them. The stuff you turn into Unversed.”

“Hmph, figured. Alright, I’m game. Tell me whatever stupid name you came up with, and I’ll tell you what I make it from.” If he needed a name, it meant he could only ask about the Unversed he had battled with. Another time, maybe, he could ask about the Unversed that Vanitas had hidden away from him. Maybe he would never know. Because he no longer woke alone in the night. Because Vanitas felt no need to leave.

Because Vanitas didn’t make that Unversed anymore.

What could he start with? Looking up to the sky, Ventus laid eyes on an endless sea of stars. A feeling inside of Vanitas that matched what bubbled up in him at the sight of that, Ven wasn’t sure he’d ever seen it. Maybe it would be born that night. The Unversed that already existed were so numerous that it was silly to pause and think of one that might come into being, though.

“Then… I know some of them now, so give me a second.” Something that seemed a little nicer would have been nice itself, but what Vanitas got rid of… often, it wasn’t exactly a soft feeling. He only had names for what was foul. “There’s a thing that’s like a treasure chest. What’s that made of?”

“What did you call it?”

“Uh… Spiderchest.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s stupid _and_ lazy, I hate it.” Ventus held his tongue, waiting for Vanitas to fulfill his end of the bargain. Eventually the answer came, dropping from Vanitas’s scowling lips. “I thought it was funny to trick people.”

“I guess that explains a lot,” Ventus mumbled, remembering how many times the stupid things had almost bitten his legs off. They hadn’t even looked like Unversed until he’d drawn close, making him paranoid at the sight of anything vaguely box-shaped. Vanitas hadn’t given him a single word to encompass the emotion, but Ven wasn’t sure there was one. “What about something that looks like a bottle with a stopper in it? Those were nasty, we called them Vile Phials.”

“Sounds like a word that doesn’t belong in your vocabulary.” With a flat expression, Ven elbowed Vanitas in the side and was rewarded by his laughter. “Right, right. I’d think you picked those back-to-back for a reason if I didn’t know better, it’s not much different from the other one. Seeing people confused was fun.”

“Well that’s a nasty feeling then, isn’t it.” Vanitas shrugged, a little subdued now. Ventus wasn’t sure he liked that, but he thought he understood the reaction he’d gotten. These were feelings that Vanitas wasn’t proud of. They were feelings that were dripping with cruelty.

“Ventus, all of them are nasty.” That wasn’t quite right, but most of them certainly were. The Unversed were made of feelings that were bitter and foul, almost every single one he’d fought. Shifting his body to lean against Vanitas a little more heavily, Ven searched his mind for another.

“Then… how about the things that look like boots?” Vanitas opened his mouth to say what Ven expected, and he held a hand up to shush him immediately. “Shoegazers.”

“Are you _ever_ going to tell me a decent name? It’s…” Vanitas seemed a little smaller, as if he was feeling the remnants of whatever it was that he pushed out. Immediately, Ventus wished he’d picked something else. Vanitas didn’t want to admit what he rejected to create a Shoegazer. It had to be something painful, or shameful. “I didn’t want to be… Ventus, give me a different one.”

“Right… Then, what about… The things we used to put holes in the shells. Those are Sonic Blasters – okay, you hate the name, I know. I don’t think you’ll like any of them, but I’m not gonna change them. What do you make them from?”

“Hope… no. Maybe just expectation, the expectation that I'd find what I was searching for, and… disappointment. Scrapping it all, and blasting it to pieces. They always seemed to go together. It ended up being something two-faced, but I didn’t really care. At least it’s useful now.” Ven didn’t know what to say in response to that, and so he simply ran through the Unversed he had fought. There were so many that he understood now, having laid hands on them and felt what was packed within them. The ones that were left, none of them seemed good. Ventus thought he would save the new ones he had yet to touch for later, in case what he dredged up was too unspeakably sad.

“The big ones that were bottom-heavy, not the ones with shields. They’re Bruisers, and the other ones are Buckle Bruisers.” What he had expected was an annoyed grunt, a way for Vanitas to tell him without words how little of a fan of the names he was. Instead, what Ventus received was a heavy silence. With no idea how to react, he looked nervously to Vanitas and found his washed-out features drawn tight with feelings that had upset him deep inside. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I liked hurting people. I was excited thinking about it. Those things… they were me, anticipating how it would feel to make someone hurt.” Something so powerful that Vanitas had pushed it out. Now, it only seemed to make him feel sick. It made Ven feel sick too. The air around him was heavy, the pressure of an Unversed that wanted to form. “Hey, Ventus, answer a question for me this time.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Before he could answer – though Ventus didn’t have an answer – Vanitas was continuing. “I did so many terrible things back then. I don’t… I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did any of that. I don’t even know what I wanted, it’s all so mixed up still. I couldn’t decide. There’s something wrong with me, but I don’t know how to fix it.”

Ven opened his mouth to speak and had nothing he could say. If he told Vanitas, “You’re fine the way you are,” they would both know it to be a lie. He wanted to say that anyway, to reassure him or… no, simply to spare him the pain of agreeing. There _was_ something wrong with Vanitas, but… “Something being wrong with you doesn’t mean _you’re_ wrong, or bad, or anything like that. And what’s wrong… that’s not your fault.”

They both knew whose fault it was.

“Does that make a difference?” Vanitas didn’t think intent had any impact, it seemed.

“Well… yeah, of course it does. If you break your leg, that doesn’t make you wrong. There’s just something that happened that shouldn’t have. All the stuff going on inside you all the time, it’s not like you wanted it or asked for it or did anything to deserve it. And you want to get better. I think you can. Maybe you won’t ever be like me, maybe all that can’t go away for good. I don’t like the things you did back then. They make me angry still. But he filled your head with something that was messed up, messed _you_ up even worse. That wasn’t the way you started out.”

“I wasn’t _any_ way when I started out. I just did what the master told me to.” Ven had already known that, of course. “An empty husk,” Vanitas had called the “him” from that time. Recalling the dull haze that he himself had lived in after Vanitas had come into being, Ventus could believe that wholeheartedly. “I don’t understand. As soon as I started to feel things it got worse. My feelings, they’ve always been all over the place. At the end, everything was so jumbled up. It was all spinning around, I was angry and scared and happy and there was just this awful feeling that this was it, that it was too late to change my mind so I couldn’t let myself regret anything. A second war, I thought I was on the cusp of beginning it. Reenacting that past wouldn’t bring them back to me, I knew that. Maybe those feelings were there, deep down. Subconscious at best. The thoughts I had were different. I’d just watch everyone die and then… even that, I didn’t really know… For a minute, I thought that maybe I would take the light for myself. But that light probably would, well. Someone like me who’s just made of darkness, it would have stripped that away and there wouldn’t have been enough left for me to survive.”

Swallowing as quietly as he could, Ven considered that with a cold stone in his stomach. The idea that light was something that could simply wash Vanitas away… it made him wonder, reconsider. The world wasn’t as simple as Ventus wanted it to be, the sanctity of light and the terror of darkness. Vanitas having feared the light… was that fear as irrational as he’d thought? Even so, his heart was no longer something made of darkness alone. There was light living within him. Ven didn’t know how to voice that thought. Though it wasn’t balanced and perhaps never would be, Vanitas was no longer a heart of pure darkness.

If he had been a Heartless… he had _been_ a Heartless. Now, he was simply something else. A person, but he’d always been a person. Vanitas was just Vanitas, and Vanitas was speaking.

“I wanted to steal Terra away from you, but I wanted him gone so that I wouldn’t have to think about him. Worse, even though it wouldn’t have been true I tried to make myself believe that the master taking him would mean he was… by _my_ side, for the first time. Even though he would have just been packed down into himself at best, no more present than you are in your own body now, I lied to myself and said it would be the same. And I was afraid of him being gone, the idea of him vanishing forever was terrifying. But I was too afraid to go near him. I sent you chasing after him, but I could never… I don’t want you to hate me, but I can’t pretend I didn’t… B-back then, I… did something because I hated knowing that Terra loved you. I hated it, I couldn’t stand it. I used it to make Aqua fight me. I wanted to get rid of her too. I wanted to believe I didn’t need her either. It was just…”

Though his voice had only barely started to falter, Vanitas’s cheeks were glistening. He would continue, but Ven wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear whatever it would be. Something that Vanitas regretted so much that it was pouring from him, able to be felt without being shaped into an Unversed. Something he’d kept hidden away.

If he learned what it was, would he hate Vanitas?

“In Neverland,” Vanitas said, and Ven’s mind began to scramble. Neverland, where he and the friends he’d made… Vanitas had hated that Terra… In Neverland, he had left – “I took it, it was easy. I knew what it meant to you and I knew she knew it too. If I made her upset enough, I thought she would lose and I could just eliminate her. I didn’t feel anything when I did it. She punished me pretty severely. I should have learned from that, but I didn’t. I just went numb, and then I ran away. I was so scared of losing her. I couldn’t do it. All I did was…”

The wooden training Keyblade that Terra had given to him all those years ago that he’d cherished so much, what Terra had made with his own hands. Somewhere in Neverland, Ventus now knew, his treasure was lying in pieces. He wanted to vomit, a foul fire rising in his throat. Flinching away, Vanitas had felt it too. Ven barely noticed that, his pulse pounding in his ears and his fingers curling into shaking fists.

“Hit me,” Vanitas whispered, and it froze Ven’s heart solid and kept him from swinging. He still wanted to do it. He wanted to hit Vanitas, to throw him to the ground and pummel him until the pain of knowing something he loved was gone forever had faded. That white-hot rage, the same rage that had risen in him at the sight of Vanitas’s raised Keyblade pointed at Aqua’s chest, clashed with his newfound hesitation.

 _“What’s wrong with me?”_ Vanitas had asked him just minutes before, and Ven didn’t know. It was despicable, hateful, cruel, but Vanitas had admitted it in tears and sought to be punished for it. Knowing that Vanitas was seeking that out, that he wanted to be hurt for having done it, Ventus couldn’t move.

If he did it, if he punished Vanitas for telling him a painful truth that he’d wanted to hide, for admitting something that he was ashamed of… if he struck Vanitas for it, what would that make him?

Even with the fury boiling inside of him, Ven still cared.

“I won’t.”

Vanitas, curled in on himself and holding on to his head, said nothing and simply created Unversed. Before he knew it, they were everywhere. Before he knew it, what was racing through his veins was icy fear. Ven could see it, the buried desire that was taking shape, and it was terrifying. Remembering that day, the cruel and hateful boy who had curled up on the beach and feebly struggled against the crackling strikes of what sought to destroy him, Ven raised a hand. He could strike… and Vanitas would suffer for it.

If he destroyed those Unversed before they could dig in their thorns, it wouldn’t erase what had already happened. Vanitas’s guilt wouldn’t undo it. His treasure had been destroyed. His feelings were a tangled mess – something so evil had come from someone who was now so…

Vanitas had emptied so much out, but he was still weeping.

“I can’t fix any of it. I can’t tell them I’m sorry. Even though I wanted to be near you, I made myself into someone who you would never accept. I just became detestable. I wanted us to hate each other. If I hated you I wouldn’t be drawn to you. If you hated me you would reject me, so that I would have no other option but to fight.”

“I don’t hate you.” It would have been so much easier, but he didn’t hate Vanitas.

“I tried to kill your family.”

“I know.”

“I tried to kill you.”

“I know.”

“Why doesn’t that _matter_ to you?”

“It does. But I don’t hate you.” They were both swimming in it, Vanitas’s guilt and shame. Even though so much had been packed into Unversed, it was still leaking out of every pore. Choked by those feelings, Ven wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. If they struck, he’d fight. He hoped they wouldn’t. With him so close to Vanitas, surely they wouldn’t. “Thanks.”

The words stunned Vanitas so much that he simply stopped breathing. He didn’t understand, Ventus knew. With his mouth hanging open and his pain streaming down his face as tears, Vanitas did nothing but stare at him completely lost as so many Unversed fell apart.

“You told me even though you were scared to. So, thank you. I’m angry with you. But I know that…” Sighing, Ven ran his hands through his hair roughly. It didn’t hurt, even if he wished it would. A little physical pain would have distracted him from what was in his heart. Unlike Vanitas, Ventus didn’t have Unversed at his disposal. The thought was messed up. “What good is it going to do to get mad? It won’t change anything. You know I’m mad. I guess that’s good enough.”

Vanitas still had no reply, but Ven didn’t really mind that.

“You’re different. You decided you wanted to be different. Vanitas, my feelings are all jumbled up too. You did something really awful, but I know you wish you hadn’t. It’s hard, because I _want_ to just be mad and nothing else.”

“Then be-”

“But I also think it’s good! No, I want to think it’s good. I’m just angry, Vanitas. If I could put all of that into an Unversed and stop thinking about it, maybe I could see what’s good about it.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ventus curled in on himself the same way Vanitas had. Knowing that Vanitas was miserable over what he’d done changed something, didn’t it? It had worth. Telling himself that, Ven couldn’t push it past his reality. And seeing Vanitas sitting there in tears just strangled his heart. “I don’t want to see you cry. Vanitas, I know you would have been different from the start if… if it had been different.”

“Sometimes it just feels like,” Vanitas started, before burying his face in his folded arms and shuddering silently. When he continued speaking, it was without moving. Still surrounded on all sides by guilt and shame, Ventus simply listened. “It feels like there’s no point to trying or fighting, but my heart won’t listen to that feeling. I don’t want to give up, and I do, and I want… It’s this knot in my chest. Part of me is saying to give up, and part of me is saying it isn’t hopeless. But part of me is saying to go back and do what I know would ruin it all again. Even though I would rather die than go back to that kind of me. I want to stop being that way, but it’s still inside me. I keep fighting it and fighting it and it’s still there. Ventus… what should I do? What do you want me to do?”

Maybe some other time, Ventus would confront the fact that Vanitas seemed to think those were the same thing. For that moment, he considered it. What he wanted Vanitas to do was… simply to keep telling him the truth. “What are Shoegazers?”

“I don’t want you to hurt me.”

“Huh?”

“That’s what I made them from. That feeling. “I don’t want you to hurt me” is… what I felt.”

“But they’re… so _weak_.” A feeling that was strong made a stronger Unversed, didn’t it? The fear of violence, in someone like Vanitas who had over and over been… surely, it had to have been something stronger than what he’d fought. Confused and nauseated by the memory of a raised Keyblade, Ventus only had questions. “Why was that, how can that be?”

“It wasn’t… It didn’t have much to do with him, that feeling. That one, that was just about everyone else.” The way Vanitas said it suggested something that Ven didn’t know how to ask. If he went through them, just continued to cycle through the Unversed that he had fought, eventually…

“… right.” There were so many dark feelings that Vanitas had given shape. Closing his eyes, Ven reached for another, and Vanitas gave him answers. The names were less important than what Vanitas felt. The names didn’t mean anything in the face of that. If Vanitas hated them, Ven knew he didn’t have to use them. He would know what they meant.

Archravens, greed. Wild Bruisers, pride in strength. Glidewinders, impatience. Again and again, a question and a reply…

“The armor,” Ven said, and Vanitas laughed and Vanitas wept.

“You, all three of you. It was about you. All the feelings I had twisted up inside me about your little trio, I pushed it all out and that came.”

Of course.

“The big uprooted tree.”

“I wanted to go home. Something about that world, it just felt familiar. But it wasn’t actually our home. I wished I had never left Daybreak Town. I still do, sometimes.” Homesickness.

“The huge one that carried a book and made copies of us.”

“I wanted to be someone else. I wanted what you had.” Rejection of self.

“The goat-” Beside him, Vanitas stiffened. He knew what it was. He understood, he knew what it was, and Ventus listened as Vanitas spoke. In the same cadence, with the same emotion, Vanitas repeated what they had once said as one.

He knew it was-

 _“Please don’t_ _ **do**_ _this, Master.”_ And he’d been born.

The thing that held Vanitas captive, a cage he couldn’t escape from, an endless pit of fear and rage and despair and hatred held for one man. And Vanitas continued to speak of him, what was still trapped in their pasts. Ven had known eventually it would come out. He just hadn’t known what shape that maelstrom of awful emotions had taken.

“I was afraid of him. It was easier to push it away the further I got from him. But it always came back, because eventually I had to go back as well. He’d call for me, and I began to obey once more. Even when I made it into that thing, I couldn’t get rid of it all. There was too much. Everything he made me feel, there was too much of it. And…” It would only make him cry, Ven knew. In the scraps of memories he had, there were feelings. Remembering only his own terror and despair, how much he had feared his former master, and knowing with every fiber of his being that Vanitas had felt all of that as well… “It feels like he’s still watching me. No matter where I go, he’s there. Sometimes I even feel like there’s some part of him telling me what to do, giving me orders. That part of me that keeps telling me to go back, that voice in my heart… sounds so much like him. It feels like he keeps telling me I’m wrong, that I’ve failed, that I’m a disappointment. That, that I’m defective, because I can’t do what I was made for anymore. I reject it, I keep fighting it, but it never goes away. And, part of me… is still listening. Even if I tell myself it’s not true, part of me still wonders if he’s right. It’s like there’s a piece of him inside of me, wedged into my heart. Something that doesn’t belong, but it’s here. Why did I let it be that way? It feels like if I slip up even once, I’ll give in and let it take over my heart. Ventus, am I… ever going to be able to escape this?”

Feeling the warmth of what poured from his eyes, Ven only had the truth to offer. It wasn’t going to be enough. But it was all he had. “I don’t know.”

He wished he could speak of love, of light, a softer future, a kinder world. What they lived in was made of those things, a realm far gentler than reality. If he could bring everyone he cared about to such a world, Ventus would… have still wished to go back to the world he was born within.

If they all fled to somewhere else, what would become of what they left behind with no one to protect its light?

With their miserable hearts, they huddled together under a blanket beneath the stars.


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here it is. The big reveal, mostly. Still some questions unanswered. But those answers will show up eventually, I promise. And maybe you can guess which part of the story they'll show up in. This chapter gets a little wild, so I hope you're all prepared.
> 
> As always, your comments are what keep me posting!

When Roxas woke, it was to find Xion snuggled up close to him. Normally they tried to give each other as much space as possible in that cramped bed, but her fingers were curled into the back of his shirt as if to hold on. He didn’t think he minded it, but when Ven cleared his throat hesitantly Roxas realized why it was that he’d woken in the first place. Xion stirred at that, pulling away from him to sit and rub at her face. Roxas sat up as well, peering toward the entrance of the cave as he waited for his eyes to adjust.

“Uh… Can I… we… talk to you for a second? No, not a second. It’s… not going to take a second.” Ven’s expression was outright miserable. Where was Vanitas? Nearby, or Ven wouldn’t have said “we”. That painful emotion that Ven was feeling was something Roxas could only hope Vanitas wasn’t sharing. This was something Ven didn’t want to talk about at all. Xion was swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and standing, a little lost. By contrast, Roxas was a lot lost. Had he done something wrong, or was it unrelated?

“Right…” Xion had a better idea of what was going on. He wasn’t sure why he thought that. Ven hadn’t noticed it, just hovering nervously as they put their shoes on and then leading the way out of the cave. Vanitas was lying on the beach there, his head pillowed on his hands as he looked up at the sky. The tide was ebbing, leaving his boots in no danger of being soaked. He too looked unhappy with it, whatever conversation they were about to have.

Seemingly unthinkingly, Ven sat next to him and brushed his hair from his forehead. Vanitas scowled at the gentle touch, but didn’t swat Ven’s hand away. The way Roxas sat was much more awkward, because the tension in the air was palpable and he had no idea how to react to it.

“You’re going to tell us what happened.” Xion wasn’t asking it, and Vanitas turned his head just enough to lock his gaze on her. The lines between his eyebrows were deepening as he thought, and he gritted his jaw before looking back at Ven. “What happened” could only mean one thing. “What happened when Sora became a Heartless” was what Xion meant.

Drawing his knees up to his chest, Ven nodded.

“It’s not so much that I want to keep it a secret. I’m not trying to do that. Me and Vanitas aren’t trying to… _hide_ that something happened. Something happened and you guys both know it, and I feel like this is something I need to say. Not just for you. Keeping it bottled up isn’t helping anyone, including me. I promised I would talk about it eventually, and… I’m finally ready to do that. Roxas, you deserve to know the truth about why my heart was inside you.” Vanitas sat up at that, his expression somber and perhaps even sullen. This wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, and Ven didn’t want to talk about it either. But Ven was right. Roxas looked down at himself, at the memory of the body he’d once had. Ven’s heart had been there once in his chest, just as his own had been and Sora’s now was once more. They were all there now.

“S’my fault,” Vanitas said dully, words that gave Roxas pause. Ven was reaching out again, settling his arm over Vanitas’s shoulders. What was Vanitas saying? There was no way he could have been responsible for Sora becoming a Heartless.

Could he?

“Don’t say that,” Ven replied immediately, his voice low. Instead of saying anything more, Vanitas merely leaned closer to Ven. His expression was terse. From the way Ven was acting, his desire to correct Vanitas in his assignment of blame was stronger than his reluctance to talk about that part of their past. “It’s not Vanitas’s fault. He did the best he could in the… circumstances. We both did. Look… okay. I’ve been trying to come up with the simplest way to explain it and I think this is the best I’ve got. When Sora… turned into a Heartless, everything in here went wrong all at once. Really, really wrong, the sky turned black and broke, the wind was… the island started to break apart. Everything was getting ripped up and just disappearing, like it was being… sucked away. It wasn’t raining, but there was thunder and I just. I couldn’t _see_ anything when it started, it was so dark.”

Vanitas’s arms were curling around Ven’s waist, and he rested his cheek against Ven’s shoulder as he spoke. “I was okay. Inconvenienced _severely_ by the changes, rattled… scared, especially because I was experiencing Ventus’s emotions as well as my own. But not in actual danger. Ventus…”

“Ven’s not a being of darkness.” Roxas said it quietly, the truth of the matter. Sora’s transformation had put Ven’s heart in jeopardy. Ven could have become a Heartless himself… or worse. Hesitating for just a moment, Vanitas began to craft an Unversed without letting go of Ven. Not just one, a series of creatures that seemed to spill from his body.

The first to take shape was small, a rabbit with sorrowful eyes and ribbon-like ears. It was black, and shivered as it hid itself behind Vanitas. Two more of those rabbits formed, following the first as soon as they could. Then, two of a different kind of creature – blue, humanoid in form, seeming almost to be pair of small, clawed people in armor. Both of them, as well, were acting in unison. Almost as one, they brought their hands up to hold themselves. Ven reached out to one of them, though he didn’t let go of Vanitas. When his palm rested gently on the creature’s head, it flinched away before grabbing onto his hand with both of its own.

Unversed were pouring from Vanitas now, a massive spiked jellyfish filled with colorful spheres. Roxas had seen it before. Something to do with how Vanitas felt about others… it hunkered down beside them, making him hesitate. These things wouldn’t hurt him, would they? They wouldn’t attack, or Vanitas would surely absorb them again. Three batlike birds, a dark purplish blue. Something that appeared to be a boot, then a second to create a matching pair. A pot, blue, that seemed to shiver in the air. Uncertainty. And then, finally, the blue wilting rose with its wicked thorns crept close to its creator as if hoping to strike him. Vanitas ignored all of them, though Ven didn’t. Roxas thought that almost every one was a similar, linked emotion.

The thought of it, the mere idea of what had happened, made his heart pound and sink and ache. Vanitas had done something when the world he knew was being torn to pieces around him. As a result, Ven’s heart had left. Vanitas, a being shaped and fueled by darkness, hadn’t found his safety at risk. The sky had turned dark, a violent wind had begun to rip everything apart. The crackle of lightning, the boom of thunder, in a place where he couldn’t see… and Ven’s heart, surrounded on all sides.

Almost everything that had taken shape on that beach was fear.

The one that Ven was eyeing with the most seriousness was the rose, and Roxas couldn’t blame him. The last time he’d seen the thing, it had attacked Vanitas. The emotion it represented wasn’t fear, but Roxas had no idea what it truly was. Beside him, Xion pulled her knees up to her chest. She was feeling the same creeping terror that he was, Roxas was sure. Being surrounded by Vanitas’s emotions was letting them brush against them, giving them a faint taste.

“I was being overwhelmed,” Ven said quietly, and Vanitas’s arms around him tightened. He said nothing, but was pale. He’d vented his feelings out, but not enough to be empty. They were still hurting him, and that was hard to look at. Instead, Roxas fixed his gaze on Ven as best he could. “It hurt. I was in pain, I was scared and it felt hopeless. Vanitas was drawing it away from me, the darkness, and I was fighting it off too, but there was just… too much of it. I don’t know what would have happened, if I would have become a Heartless too or just died. Guess I’ll never know… When Sora’s heart fully turned, I wasn’t there anymore.”

It _was_ hard to look at Vanitas, but Roxas couldn’t help wanting to make sure he was okay. This was a much harder topic for Vanitas than it was for Ven, it seemed. Because no matter what Ven said in response, Vanitas considered it to be his fault. Roxas didn’t know what “it” was, not yet. A time where Vanitas had done the best he could.

“The sky cracked.” Vanitas said it flatly, detached. He was detached, because he had funneled out his lingering fear. A moment that had shaken him to the core, so much that he’d needed to get rid of it. “The walls of Sora’s heart were falling apart. Once that happened, once the fundamental structure of it was collapsing and reforming in a different shape, I had an… option. I… tricked Ventus, distracted him so that he wouldn’t be able to stop me. If he’d figured it out, it never would have worked.”

Xion took a too-fast breath, and Roxas remembered them – Ven’s words that had filled him with shame as soon as they had fallen from his lips. The way he’d taken off after Vanitas, the explosion of emotion that had sounded from the other side of the island. A moment they’d had no context for, now painfully clear.

_“It’s like all you can do is push me away, huh?”_

“You… forced Ven out?”

“He let go of my _hand_ _s_ _._ ” The words were anguished, full of emotion that Ven had been trying to keep at bay. He couldn’t simply give his feelings forms to set aside. The Unversed hiding behind Vanitas’s back were being pulled back into him, as if the emotion that formed them was no longer strong enough to warrant their banishment. Vanitas had let go, had pushed Ven outside of Sora’s collapsing heart. Now, he was holding onto Ven with all his might in an embrace that should have been painful. Ven was twisting in his grip, no longer simply slinging a comforting arm around Vanitas’s shoulders. Now it was Ven seeking comfort and reassurance. On the verge of tears, Ven’s words spilled out. “I was trying to hold on to you! I was scared and it hurt so much, but you still! No, I’m sorry, that’s-”

Before Roxas knew it, all of the Unversed on the beach were turning to Vanitas as one.

Before Roxas knew it, Vanitas was being attacked.

Two pairs of claws raked at his back, but though he hissed in pain that was far from the worst of it. The sudden strikes had made Vanitas jerk his head back, and that vicious rose had lashed out in an instant. Its vines wrapped around his throat, its thorns digging in as they began to tighten. The awful, guttural sound of Vanitas choking filled his ears, followed by Ven’s cry.

Before Roxas knew it, he was leaping to his feet.

Ven was already clawing at the Unversed’s vines as it dragged Vanitas back, locking his legs around his waist so that the other boy couldn’t be pulled away from him. The massive jellyfish that Vanitas had created was warping and melting, its energy pouring back into him. The rose, unfortunately, was something they had no such luck with. Roxas reached out with both hands, grabbing at those vines to try and yank their source closer even as it pulled them taut.

The memory of raising his Keyblade to Xion surfaced in his mind. It was his fault. He’d fought her. He’d fought Axel. He’d collected countless hearts for some unknown purpose built on a lie. His fault. He was just sitting back and doing nothing, using the fact that he didn’t know what he _could_ do as an excuse to not lift a finger for Naminé. His selfish demands for answers had devastated both Ven and Vanitas. His existence had condemned Xion long before he had drawn a weapon on her. Before he’d… Roxas drew a shuddering breath as everything flooded in, everything that was his fault. He’d _killed_ -

What Vanitas was being strangled by was guilt.

Xion was diving, tackling one of the Unversed before it could bring its claws down again. The other turned to her, and without thinking Roxas lashed out at it with his foot. Something cut into his side when he moved, as if he was being struck by a blade.

The instinct to flee cut into him, and Roxas whipped his head around to stare wildly at the trio of flying Unversed just in time to see one launch another gust of wind at him. He wanted to run, fear pounding in his veins. But Vanitas was still under fire, even as the pot was dissolving. Those Unversed that had vanished, whatever they were, weren’t able to attack him in that moment and were simply falling apart as their source emotions left Vanitas’s heart. The rest seemed only to be growing stronger. Xion fired a chunk of ice at one of the birds, sending it spinning before it could attack again. As soon as it struck, Vanitas let out a choked grunt of pain. Destroying Unversed hurt him, Roxas remembered too late even as panic started to take hold of him.

“Vanitas don’t! Please not again please it wasn’t your fault it was the only thing you could do and you kept me safe!” Ven was speaking so fast that his rambling sentence was running together, his voice an agonized cry. Out of the corner of his eye, Roxas saw Xion grab one of the clawed Unversed and throw it with all her strength. It sailed off down the beach, eliminated as an immediate threat as she snatched up the other.

He had to run, he had to run from what was happening. A boot slammed into the back of his head, knocking Roxas forward. It had him shaking, he wanted to curl up to shield himself from the attacks that were being turned on him. Thorns were tearing at his hands, but Roxas couldn’t stop pulling at them. If he struck with fire, would it sever the vines? Or would it simply cause Vanitas more pain?

What was worse? Hurting him in that moment, or letting his uncontrolled emotions kill him? The answer was so obvious. Roxas threw one hand out to the body of the rose, and let loose with a fireball.

Vanitas’s sob of pain was still strangled, but his fingers had joined Ven’s in trying to pry the vines from his throat. A sludge-like liquid was spilling down his neck and shoulders from where the thorns dug in, coating their hands and running down their arms. His attack hadn’t done what he’d wanted it to, but the Unversed seemed dazed by it.

“Roxas _don’t_ touch that black stu- _Vanitas!_ ” One of the birds had fired a stinging wind at its creator, and because he turned his body to block it Ven was the one who let out a wail of pain. As soon as it happened, the Unversed that had struck him dropped to the beach in a heap. All of the others were now hovering in place, as if unable to act, as if ashamed. The Unversed hadn’t been aiming at Ven, didn’t want to hurt him, and his injury had stalled them momentarily. The rose had waited to strike, because it only wanted Vanitas. The Unversed that had attacked Ven simply began to melt, its energy pouring back into Vanitas as it fell apart. The others were shaking themselves off, as if dismissing their hesitation. Two of the birds remained, and one of them was taking careful aim. Xion leaped at the thing, knocking it out of the air and pinning it to the ground to still its wings. As soon as she did so, she was being kicked hard in the side and her fingers stomped on. Catching a frantic breath, she tried desperately to yank her hand free. Roxas lunged without thinking, shoving the boot away to free her just in time to take a blast of wind to the face. He landed on his back, raising his throbbing hands to guard himself. “Vanitas I don’t blame you! _Listen_ to me!”

Xion had folded in on herself, panting and holding her sides. Though it hurt, his body was in agony, Roxas knew with certainty that Vanitas’s emotions wouldn’t kill them. Their fight was merely an inconvenience. The Unversed attacking them were trying to draw them away from their creator, so that the rose could kill him. Everything that was happening was only serving to make it stronger, because Vanitas knew that his rogue emotions were now hurting everyone.

“Vanitas!” This time it was Xion crying out, though she clutched at her head and trembled. “What you did saved Ven, you saved his life!”

“Ssstop,” Vanitas gurgled through gritted teeth, and even as Roxas tried to stand another boot was knocking him face-first into the sand. Drawing in a shaking breath, he managed to get his hands under him though they burned in agony. Could they even win? Desperately, Roxas beat both that thought and the urge to simply curl up like Xion away. That wouldn’t save him, it wouldn’t save her, and it wouldn’t save Vanitas. Vanitas, who was choking out a single word – “Run!”

“ _I won’t!_ ”

None of them could possibly run, even if that was what the Unversed were trying to make them do. The creatures that Xion had hurled away were advancing on them again, charging up the beach. Fear, what Roxas was being swarmed by on all sides was fear, Vanitas’s fear. Fear of being hurt, the desire to run from danger, the instinct to desperately protect himself from being harmed. What was coming now was a different kind of fear, and once it struck him Roxas would certainly know what it was.

“If you hadn’t done it he would never have made it!” All he could think to do was add his voice to theirs in the hopes that it would do something, anything to stop what was happening. How many times had it happened in the past? How many times had Ven, all alone, frantically fought off Vanitas’s feelings as they tried to destroy him? “He’s only here now because of you!”

Claws cut into his back, and Roxas remembered the panic he’d felt while searching for Xion, the fear and despair that had coursed through him as she lay dying in his arms. What he’d been afraid of back then was what Vanitas had been afraid of, what Ven was afraid of, what he and Xion were afraid of now – losing something that was important to them.

He’d lose it all-

 

Ven had done something, and it was over.

Roxas didn’t know what it was that he'd done. All he knew was that Ven had done something, and all of the feelings that had turned on Vanitas to destroy him were freezing. Wings stilled, claws lowered. When he looked to the pair, it was to see vines falling away from Vanitas’s neck and Ven’s forehead pressed against his. His hands, smeared in black, were cupping Vanitas’s cheeks.

Rather than reacting in fear and fighting against those feelings, Ven had reached out with kindness.

Slowly, Roxas sat again. Xion was rolling onto her stomach, pushing herself up onto her arms. After all of that panicked action, now nothing was happening but a series of painful emotions dissolving. No longer struggling, Vanitas merely collapsed onto his back. He would faint. Maybe soon, maybe sometime later, Vanitas would faint and be carried to his bed to sleep in peace.

Though it would be lonely without him, Roxas found himself hoping that Vanitas would find that reprieve soon.

The pain pounding in his own body was fading to a dull ache, but Vanitas was beginning to cough and sputter. He was free to breathe again, and rolled over onto his side to clutch at his throat and retch. One of Ven’s hands was still on him, his fingers tangled in Vanitas’s hair as if to remind him of his presence. He’d rolled with Vanitas, but had remained upright as the other boy fell. Now Vanitas was pushing himself up on his hands, only to vomit out a sickening stream that puddled on the ground beneath him.

What was spilling from Vanitas’s lips was pure black, the same as what had poured from his neck as it was cut into. Even as his arms started to buckle pathetically, Ven was wrapping his own around Vanitas’s middle to keep him from crumbling. Just watching that was hard, made his heart ache. This kind of Vanitas, miserable and impossibly vulnerable, seemed so wrong that Roxas wanted to simply hold onto him as well. He didn’t know what it would accomplish, nothing but a weak attempt to help someone in pain.

None of the Unversed that Vanitas had created had intentionally attacked Ven at any point. Roxas knew the reason why. It was Ven who was most precious to him. Though he wasn’t able to support his own weight, Vanitas was reaching out with one stained hand. His shaking fingers brushed Ven’s cheek, and Ven caught his hand to hold it against his face with no mind to the tar-like gunk coating it.

It felt familiar, but so different. Roxas looked to Xion, who was too pale. He wondered it – if her memories were conjuring up the same scene that lived in both of their pasts. She’d been hurt as well, cradling the hand that had been crushed. All of them had been hurt, but it was Ven and Vanitas who had been truly suffering. There was only one person Roxas could reach out to, though. Without saying anything, Roxas moved closer to Xion and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into that half-embrace immediately, thankfully taking comfort in it as he’d hoped.

“Hey,” Ven whispered, his face twisted up into a pained smile. He _was_ glad, even with that lingering hurt in his eyes. Vanitas’s laugh was more of a cough. He was still breathing hard, his body certainly in agony. Roxas looked at his own hands, the skin of his palms covered in red marks where thorns had dug in. He’d been cut and battered and slashed at by Vanitas’s emotions and it could only remind him of one thing, the one thing that was worse than the lingering pain of his injuries.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened to Vanitas. They were _his_ feelings, after all. The one that they hurt the most, of course that person was him.

“Tell them the rest.” It was such a quiet voice, barely a croak. Ven glanced at them quickly, his fingers curling tighter around Vanitas’s hand. There was panic in his eyes, and Roxas wasn’t sure if it was from the memories or a fear that Vanitas would lose control again. Maybe it was both. “S… sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… you’re hurt, I… Ventus, tell them so we can sleep. They’re injured, you’re injured.”

“ _You’re_ injured worse so just sleep,” Ven sighed, shifting Vanitas in his arms as if wanting to press his face into his chest. Vanitas let out a grunt of frustration, but he made no move to pull away. What he was annoyed by was Ven avoiding, not being held. In fact, it seemed as if he’d rather be holding on as well. “We don’t-”

“Tell them, or I will. We need to see this through. Listen to me, Ven.” Roxas had never expected to hear that. Not once had Vanitas called Ven by anything but his full name, at least not when he was around. That meant something, Roxas knew. What it meant was another matter entirely. How seriously Vanitas took it, or that he wanted to speak as little as possible with his shredded throat. “So I can take it back in.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to-” Xion started, but Ven was already shaking his head.

“After I… left, I guess I went with Sora’s body,” Ven began haltingly, his gaze flicking between the two of them and Vanitas who still panted against him. He was sweating, looked as if he would lose consciousness any moment. Hesitating visibly, Ven began to chew on his lower lip. He was trying to think of the easiest, shortest way to convey the information Vanitas wanted them to know. Roxas wished that Ven hadn’t agreed to it, that he’d simply carried Vanitas to their room and put him to bed. If it was something so painful, did he truly want to know?

“Before I came back here, I wasn’t ever able to feel Vanitas’s emotions except when he pushed them out. Back then, though, I could hear him. Maybe it was because Sora’s heart hadn’t completely… reformed? Reformed, yet. Maybe it’s because we’re connected, I just don’t know. All I know was, my heart was floating off. It went with Sora’s body and that formed around me, made Roxas look like me… I think.” That was something Ven had already voiced, a theory that seemed completely logical. Whether that meant it was the truth was another matter entirely. They would probably never know, so Roxas thought he could accept the idea that made the most sense. “I could still hear his voice.”

“… Then… what did he say to you?” Roxas voiced the question as hesitantly as Ven was speaking, wanting to know but, just barely, afraid to ask. Ven had known it was coming, and only looked down at Vanitas like a lost child. Something was shimmering above Vanitas’s chest, as if he was trying to shape an emotion for Ven. Roxas was sure what it was that he wanted to make, and the fact that he simply didn’t have the strength to do it made his heart ache for both of them. Xion took his hand with hers, her uninjured hand. Gratefully, he squeezed it. What they were hearing was painful, but Xion was with him.

“He didn’t say anything. Something happened… m-maybe, someone, I don’t know. Sora got better, his heart was flooded with light somehow. Vanitas got. Hurt, by that.”

_“I wasn’t reduced to almost nothing. Vanitas was.”_

Roxas opened his mouth to speak, but had no words.

“He didn’t say anything,” Ven said again, in a softer voice, in a voice on the brink of tears. “He w-was just. Screaming.”

Xion turned her head to bury it in the crook of his neck, and hot tears began to fall on his skin. It was too much, having taken in Vanitas’s emotions, been hurt, listening to such awful words. Vanitas hadn’t spoken, had closed his eyes but hadn’t lost consciousness just yet. Roxas wanted to curl up on the beach, to hug his knees and sleep.

“I, I couldn’t bear it.” Roxas didn’t need Ven to say that, because it was painfully clear. If he had been in Ven’s place, he wouldn’t have been able to bear it either. Even Ven just talking about it was so hard to take. “Since I was hurt, it was easy. I know that… Terra and Aqua will be disappointed in me. They’ll be mad, even. It was really, really easy, the pain didn’t matter and I didn’t even think about it. It was like my heart was made of glass, and it had cracks running all through it. I didn’t think or hesitate, I just…”

Quietly, without holding anything back, with words that couldn’t be misunderstood, Ven told them exactly what he’d done that day and Roxas felt his heart breaking in his chest.

“And so Vanitas lived to be a jerk another day,” Vanitas croaked, and that made Ven snort in laughter even as fat, ugly tears began to drip down his face. All of what had come out of Vanitas, that black, viscous fluid, was gone. Roxas didn’t know where it had gone, but there was no trace of it anywhere. The feeling Vanitas had been trying to shape was finally taking form, exactly what Roxas had expected it to be. The feeling that he made for Ven, that smiled for him. Ven drew it in close and reached inside as smoke began to spill out from under its lid, that heavy smoke that soothed him, filled him with such warmth and joy. Whatever that feeling was, Roxas wanted nothing more than to feel it forever. The feelings he’d started to feel around Vanitas, hadn’t they been something like what he was feeling now? Lightness, a soft embrace, a heart-pounding happiness. What was there now was stronger, stronger than he’d ever felt it on his own. Roxas wanted that feeling, wanted Vanitas to share it with him as well.

But it was for Ven alone, and always would be.

“Sure did. So go to sleep, you big jerk. I’ll be here when you wake up. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I came back, didn’t I? So from now on we’ll go together.”

Roxas thought that he could accept that.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, time for a happier chapter finally! After all the tense dramatic stuff, it's a wind-down chapter with a pair of awkward teenagers. Featuring Vanitas monologuing, talk of contradictions, and Ven doing his absolute best to get a headache in a place where physical pain does not exist.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments! As always, you are what keeps me posting.

Having vanished on the beach and appeared in the cove, Ventus stared down at himself. He had no idea how he’d done it, just as he’d had no idea how he’d made the light. It wasn’t what Vanitas had done – there was no command style that he’d somehow figured out. Maybe Vanitas had been doing something else entirely.

“Ventus!” The sound of Vanitas’s voice echoing from the other side of the island, a worried shout, made Ven wish he knew what he’d just done so that he could reverse it. What had he been thinking about? Remembering the sight of Vanitas curled up on the sand in the cove years past, of standing there as he lost consciousness. He’d visualized himself being there, and he had suddenly been there. That was it – that was what had just happened. The beach. Ven needed to be on the beach that he’d abruptly abandoned Vanitas on with no warning whatsoever. Closing his eyes, Ventus tried to picture it. “Ventus, answer me!”

It wasn’t exactly working, and so he could only yell back at the top of his lungs.

“I’m fine! I just, hold on!” Even as he took a few steps toward the ledges that would let him leap up to the tunnel, Vanitas flickered into existence on top of the tower with an expression on his face that betrayed the fact that he was afraid. He glanced around anxiously, and when his eyes finally landed on Ven the relief in them made Ven feel awful. “Uh… sorry. I don’t really know what I just did.”

“You’re kidding me,” Vanitas muttered under his breath, leaning over the railing of the tower. Stupidly, Ven could only grin in a way he hoped was reassuring. It probably wasn’t. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Vanitas clenched his jaw. Not knowing where he’d gone, having seen him disappear before his eyes, it had clearly frightened him. Without being able to figure out how it had happened, Ven knew he wouldn’t be able to prevent it from repeating.

Having heard that in Vanitas’s voice, he never wanted to vanish from his sight ever again.

“What do you expect? I’ve never been able to do something like that before, it’s totally new. The light too, I still don’t…” Holding his hands out, Ven furrowed his brow. That, he understood a little better. Maybe they were the same kind of thing, the two powers he’d somehow obtained. Either way, the only thing resembling answers he had was vague at best. What he wanted was a light. If he pictured it, that light would come into being. Struggling to do even that much, Ven could only hope Vanitas wouldn’t laugh at him for looking like an idiot.

But in the silence that stretched between them, a sphere of light took shape.

Before Ventus could do anything besides heave a sigh of relief that he hadn’t failed, Vanitas was leaping from the tower and landing next to him in a cloud of sand. His hands wrapped around that ball of light, like Vanitas was trying to investigate what it truly was by grabbing it. Ven knew he wasn’t going to get to the bottom of it that way because the light didn’t have any weight, didn’t really feel like anything at all. It was just light.

“You don’t know how you did it?” Letting go of the light that couldn’t truly be held, Vanitas instead took both of Ven’s hands to examine them. There had been no warning, and he could only flush in response to that sudden touch. Vanitas had such calloused hands. It was something he’d noticed a long time ago, but never consciously until that moment. They were the hands of someone who had fought and struggled until he couldn’t get back to his feet. So much of his body gave away the reality of his past, that he had become strong through a pain that had seemed endless. Though he was powerful and looked it, all of that had come from the brutality that had been inflicted on him from the start. Even so, those hands were warm and that touch was gentle. Vanitas was someone who was… “Snap out of it, Ventus.”

Cringing in embarrassment, Ven failed to meet Vanitas’s eyes. Somehow, it was easy to get lost in thoughts of what Vanitas had been through. Maybe it was just easy to get lost in the thought of Vanitas. He’d been asked such a simple question and had instead stumbled into an all-consuming idea. “Sorry. You’re right though, I’m really not sure why I’m able to do that. I guess I know _how_ I did it, just not why it worked. All I really did was try to picture a light, thought that I wanted it, and it happened. And then how I got here, it’s kind of the same. I was thinking back on something that happened a while back that was here, and suddenly I was here too. I just don’t know why that makes it happen.”

“Hm. The light, not sure how that’s happening. Do you have to sustain it, or does it just exist?” Vanitas’s words made it seem like he had an idea of how the teleportation had worked, but Ven decided to reply before asking about that.

“I don’t think I am. It’s here now, but it fell apart the other times. I did it twice before, but it was just… why’d it go away? I got upset, the first time. Maybe it was losing focus or something. But I’m not really focused on keeping it here right now.” None of it made much sense. It wasn’t a spell he was casting, just a desire that was being granted. Wanting it and visualizing it, he’d obtained it. Ventus stared down at their joined hands and the light almost cradled within them and wasn’t sure what was happening. “What about the teleporting? Do you know why that happened?”

“This place is a contradiction,” Vanitas said slowly, brushing his thumbs over Ven’s in a way that faintly tickled. It was a train of thought that Ven could follow in theory, though Vanitas wasn’t yet elaborating. The place they existed within wasn’t real, at least in that it didn’t truly look the way they were seeing it. It was real and unreal, and Ventus still wasn’t really able to wrap his head around that. “It’s nonsensical. Our hearts and that kid’s heart… well, I guess he’s not a kid anymore. Either way, his heart and our hearts, they should be the same size. A heart’s a heart, after all.”

“So it’s like… we shouldn’t be able to fit.” That opened up a daunting number of questions, and Ventus wanted to just bury his face in his hands. Not ready just yet to let go of Vanitas, he didn’t. Ven was getting the feeling that most of the questions would remain open, with only vague possibilities as answers. Though he was loathe to admit it, Ven recognized that he wasn’t really suited to figuring that kind of thing out. Vanitas had a better idea, but it really seemed like Vanitas had a more thorough understanding of what hearts were.

If Vanitas was a Heartless, would that make him someone who instinctively grasped those things? Or was it that Xehanort understood hearts and had passed some of that knowledge on to the pupil he’d found more worthy?

“Correct. But we’re somehow  _within_ his heart, within its depths rather than the shallow layer like the one we fought within. Ah, but maybe that’s not actually within a heart at all, just a body…” Considering that for a moment, Vanitas unfortunately let go of him in order to wave a hand dismissively. “Guess it’s irrelevant. Somehow we’re inside it and in this place, but the complicated part is that this, this isn’t what a heart looks like. An island like this existing within something as small as a heart defies logic. We exist in a kind of limbo, between three different realities. Life, death, sleep. We’re somewhere between. The form of it is definitely, without a doubt, decided by him and not us, but the dream we’re living in belongs to us.”

“You think that’s why it makes no sense? Dreams don’t really have the same rules as the real world, they’re weird. They just sort of have their own rules that we… no, I guess that can’t be it. Whenever I have really weird dreams, I just accept them as making sense until I wake up. Then I realize they were messed up, but none of it seems odd while I’m dreaming.”

“It’s not a typical dream. We’re conscious in a way, rather than the entirety belonging to just one of us and everything else, including… if this was just a dream I was having, you wouldn’t be real. Just something my mind cooked up. But you’re real. I know you’re real and that this isn’t something as simple as a dream. You can’t feel pain in dreams. The lines are unclear, they’ve bled into each other. We have a form of consciousness that isn’t genuinely being awake, and we’re having a dream that isn’t genuinely a dream. They’re both and neither at the same time, I’ve accepted that it’s not going to make any sense.” Pausing, Vanitas began to gather his thoughts again. He’d gone off on a tangent, and needed a moment to get back on track. It was something that Ventus could figure out just by watching him, because it was pretty obvious. “Teleporting, that’s… the best I’ve got is that while this island is “real” in its own way, it also simultaneously is only the size of a single heart. We can go anywhere within it by wishing to be there because we’re actually _everywhere_ at once.”

“That doesn’t make… okay, you already said that. But it doesn’t make sense.”

“Think that’s bad? Here’s one more for you – we’re still in a specific place within what that kid’s heart created, even though we’re also in every part of its depths at all times. Basically everything about this is two things at once, and they’re two things that can’t coexist. And even that’s an example – they can’t coexist, but they do anyway.”

“Vanitas, if I could get a headache in here I would have gotten one as soon as you started explaining.”

“There are definitely rules to this place, but it’s not like there’s a manual we can consult. No bodies, but we still feel things with something indistinguishable from them. And you don’t need to eat with his heart sustaining yours, so even though we have all of the senses that a real body would have those “bodies” don’t follow the same rules as the one you used to have.”

“I don’t get it. Can you-”

“Nope. That’s as simple as I can make it. It might just be… I can’t say this for sure, you got that lodged firmly in your skull? This is sheer conjecture based on the stupidly-little information I have.” It was almost annoying that Vanitas was able to boomerang between tones so many times in a single conversation. One sentence was amazingly casual, and then the next was almost scientific. Ven supposed that he could call that something positive, the fact that Vanitas had such a range. He’d simply grown used to it, only noticing it when it was particularly blatant. “We’re operating outside of the guidelines of the different realities we’re still linked to. That light trick seems like something that would appeal to a kid’s sense of what’s cool, so that might be it. Probably, the only true rule of this place is “it happens because he chose so”. Maybe not consciously, I don’t expect he knows we’re in here. But that’s probably the truth.”

“Huh? But I asked to stay here, of course he… oh, but that was years ago. Actually, even though I asked to stay I don’t know that he understood what staying meant. Then again, neither did I. I mean, I didn’t know this place was here to go to.” Scratching the back of his neck with the hand that wasn’t “holding” the light, Ventus considered it again. He didn’t need any illumination, it was daytime. The question of how to make it go away was hovering in his mind. If he pictured his hand without the light in it, would it vanish? Though Vanitas was looking at him in mild confusion, Ven only frowned and tried his best to make the light fade away again. He didn’t need it. It didn’t need to be there. His hand could be empty again. Like it hadn’t existed in the first place, the light dimmed and disappeared. “There. Well, I can make it go away when I don’t need it anymore then… Ah, that’s what it was. I felt like I didn’t need it both times back then, so it went away. Anyway, I guess it makes a little more sense if I think about it that way. It’s small, there’s only this one island, but maybe this is sort of an idealized version of the world.”

“That’s a way to think about it, sure. A sense of wish fulfillment perhaps. I could call this a romanticized reality.”

“Romanti-” Flushing, Ven cut his outburst off too late. Vanitas wasn’t using the word incorrectly in the slightest, but it had still bizarrely caught him off guard. Worse, Vanitas was growing embarrassed as well. There was no reason for it, but the faces they were showing to one another had turned brightly crimson. There was no reason, but… “I-I mean. Yeah, that’s. Right. Sort of something better than the real world.”

“The real world, huh.” Vanitas had something on his mind from that, though his cheeks were still red. As nervous as he was himself, Ventus really found that expression captivating. He was comfortable with Vanitas normally, but in that moment there was something heavy that seemed to squeeze his chest. There was something heavy that came to take hold of him sometimes, when he looked into Vanitas’s eyes. But whatever Vanitas was going to say was going to confuse him, Ven thought. “It’s not the same as the world outside, but I’d say the place we are right now is a world too. You wouldn’t say we’re in a fake realm, would you? This exists.”

“Did you really need to say that? It just makes it even more complicated you know! I hate that, I’m just going to think of it the way the real world is.” Childishly, Ven kicked Vanitas in the shin. That act had Vanitas laughing, his face no longer flushed with embarrassment but instead amusement. Smiling despite himself, Ventus shoved his hands in his pockets and curled his fingers around his Wayfinder. Terra and Aqua were in the world outside, and they were in the world that only existed inside a heart. The boy he’d met back then probably didn’t remember accepting them into his heart, though he surely hadn’t known Vanitas was a package deal with him. Ven hadn’t known it, after all. “It’s not that funny, you know!”

“So why are you smiling then?” Vanitas knew the answer, of course. Maybe it was a feeling that bled through to him, or maybe they just understood each other now. Something was starting to manifest around Vanitas, an emotion that was having trouble taking shape. Without a doubt it was positive, an Unversed that was made of pleasant feelings. An Unversed that wasn’t cruel, didn’t hurt… he needed it, a name that was for those. The opposite of an Unversed. If they were to have their own name, Ven knew what it would be. He needed to name the ones that were new as well. Just thinking of them, he had a few ideas.

Whether Vanitas would like them or not was another matter entirely. Maybe, just for the sake of that scowling face that Ventus was growing to find truly funny, he would come up with something really obnoxious. Teasing Vanitas was fun, after all.

“Hmm… Vanitas, can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?” Pausing, Vanitas furrowed his brow. Whether he’d make an Unversed… a Versed, that would be what it was. Ven couldn’t say if he’d create one. Now, Vanitas was open enough with him to put it into words instead.

“You don’t need me to explain it, do you?” It wasn’t wrong. Just like Vanitas knew him, he knew Vanitas and knew he was happy, amused. If it were a single word, that would be it. Amusement. A feeling that wasn’t quite strong enough for Vanitas to need to push a bit of out.

Was it because he no longer was under such immense pressure that Vanitas had grown to exist with his emotions more peacefully? Or maybe it was that his heart was whole again and stable.

“Not really, but I’d still like to hear it from you somehow. This is gonna sound lame, but…” His blush that had faded was back. It was lame, but it was the truth. If he wanted it from Vanitas, Ven had to offer it himself. “… I actually really like it when you’re honest with me.”

“You do, huh?” For a moment, the look in Vanitas’s eyes was heated. A comfortable tension was stretching between them, a shared sense of excitement. Wound tight, Ven could only find himself delighted by it. “Guess I need to do my best then, don’t I. I thought it was funny, how else am I supposed to say it? Turns out I’m no good with describing feelings. I don’t have a lot of practice, so… bear with me.”

Words that were a little embarrassing, a little vulnerable, had fallen from Vanitas’s lips. They betrayed something gentle, but it wasn’t a betrayal at all. Vanitas wasn’t trying to hide it, something that Ven thought he once would have found to be a hated admission of weakness. Vanitas wasn’t trying to hide it, because he no longer considered that desire to be something to be ashamed of. It was difficult to be forthcoming with the truth, even for Ven. It was harder for Vanitas, and that was what made those words truly special.

Doing something that wasn’t easy just to make someone else happy… Ventus thought he could call that wonderful. If he did his best as well, he hoped that he could return that. He wanted to share it. There was so much he wanted to share with Vanitas. No longer one, they could still hold those same feelings to their chests. What lived in his heart simply grew stronger and stronger. Those feelings could live in Vanitas’s heart as well, if he could find some way to breathe life into them.

If they could be returned, it would be something beautiful.


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-o! Welcome back to my fanfiction, where things will remain calm for just a bit longer. This chapter has a little more info about the Unversed, and a little more info about Vanitas as a person. At least, as far as Xion can figure. Her intuition is pretty good about him, and so is Ven's... usually. He's missing some information and coming to a wrong conclusion... but you guys can figure out what that is, anyway.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented as always, you are what keeps me posting!

“Ven,” Xion started hesitantly, knowing she was radiating awkwardness. Ven flashed a grin at her, sitting up in bed and tugging the blankets over Vanitas. She’d only just woken, crawling out of bed to find them. The sun was still up, but maybe it was up again. Roxas was asleep, but she thought if she’d shaken him awake he would have opened his eyes. Maybe she shouldn’t have approached them in the first place. Ven had already been awake even if barely, but the pair had been cuddled up to each other in a snug embrace until that moment. “How… how long did I sleep?”

“Uh… I don’t actually know. I just woke up too. I was going to go back to sleep, but I don’t need to if you’re awake. Being all by myself can get kinda lonely, you know?” Ven had helped them both to their own bed, taking them each by the hand and pulling them along as exhaustion settled over them all. Fighting for the first time in weeks, months even, had worn her out so much. It had been a long time since she’d felt physical pain. Foolishly, Xion had adjusted to its absence. “You feeling okay?”

“I think so. Can you tell me something?” Ven had pulled the remnant of Vanitas’s mask off while he slept. That occupied her thoughts completely for a moment, the sudden realization that she could see Vanitas’s entire face for the first time. How did it come off? It had simply clung to his head somehow, but was now gone. Without it, Vanitas looked far more like a normal person… but, it would be hard to get used to. When he woke surely he’d put it back on. For that moment, it was gone because Ven had removed it. She’d wanted to say something, Xion remembered. Ven was frowning faintly at her, as if about to prompt her to actually speak again. “Uh… the Unversed.”

“Oh. That’s… you want to know why they were attacking him.” Ven’s expression was stoic now, but a faint sadness filled his eyes. Xion nodded, hoping that her own face wasn’t blatantly concerned. Vanitas’s creations, Vanitas’s emotions, had turned on him and tried to… kill him. “I was going to say this right away but I thought you might not be able to process it after getting so… you know. But, Vanitas wasn’t trying to hurt you guys.”

“He wanted us to run away.” She’d already figured out that much, and Roxas had expressed that same idea too as their minds had slowed and sleep had crept in. The creatures that had attacked them weren’t interested in hurting them so much as trying to push them away from Vanitas, and the realization that they were attacking in order to do so had wounded Vanitas all the more. Ven was petting the spikes of Vanitas’s hair down and watching them spring back up, a somber little smile on his lips.

“Yeah. You saw how upset he was when he realized you guys were getting hurt. Maybe subconsciously he thought… I don’t know. Vanitas can’t say it right now, so I hope you’ll take my word for it until he can apologize again. I know he already did it once, but I’m sure he’s not going to remember that he did.” Though Ven had trailed off, Xion thought she understood what he’d almost said. Having lived such a life, a part of Vanitas believed that the only way to truly keep someone away was with force. It was that part that the Unversed had listened to. Even Ven had been injured, despite how much of Vanitas wanted to keep him safe and whole. The Unversed had… been trying to scare them off with violence. Maybe Ven wasn’t sure if that was the case, or maybe he didn’t want to say it. Instead he was quiet, just petting Vanitas like a cat. It was kind of cute, watching Ven sweeping Vanitas’s hair back as he slept. Even though Ven had sat up, Vanitas’s arm was still draped over his lap where it had fallen from his chest. More and more she’d been noticing that as Vanitas’s lingering unpleasantness – the result of a year spent alone and scared and injured and facing each storm of Sora’s battles alone – had finally dissolved away, his interactions with Ven had become a lot more physically casual. Knowing what she now did Xion wouldn’t have blamed Vanitas if all he’d done, from the first day she’d spent in Sora’s heart, was cling to Ven with all his might. She wouldn’t have blamed them if they’d done nothing but cling to one another. “He _is_ going to want to apologize. Even with that big ego of his, Vanitas does do that kind of thing when it matters most. Uh, sorry. There was something else, wasn’t there? Hey, just come sit down. There’s room.”

Though Ven patted the bed next to him, Xion wasn’t sure if it was really right to sit on it. It felt like invading a space that was meant for Ven and Vanitas to share. She shook her head, making Ven furrow his brow in confusion. “No, I’m okay. What I wanted to ask, really, was… you know what they all mean, don’t they? All the different Versed and Unversed, you know what they come from.”

“I… guess,” Ven began haltingly, looking down at Vanitas instead of her. One of his hands slid to cup the other boy’s cheek, his fingers running through his hair. The way they cared about each other was so blatantly obvious that Xion couldn’t believe she’d once questioned whether or not they just hated one another. “If I touch it, I just know what it is. So I can tell you. He’ll be fine with it. Well, no. He won’t, but he’ll think it’s important. Vanitas does kind of like being able to tell you guys his feelings in a way you totally don’t understand, because he’s stupid like that. Others he just gets embarrassed by, or ashamed of. But… now that you’ve been attacked by some of them, I think he owes it to you guys to tell you what you were fighting. And he told you some of them the other day, right? So since Vanitas can’t do it, I will.”

“Right… You’re sure this is okay? I don’t want to invade his privacy…” If Vanitas wasn’t comfortable with opening up to them, was it right for Ven to do it for him? But Xion did believe Ven’s words and Ven’s judgment. If he said Vanitas would accept it, certainly that was correct.

“Uh, is… is this a bad time?” Roxas was peeking in from the doorway nervously, his teeth worrying at his lower lip. She hadn’t heard him climbing the ladder, making her wonder if Roxas too was figuring out how to simply move his form across the island without taking a single step. It seemed more likely that she’d just been paying more attention to Ven and her own thoughts and completely missed it.

“Nah. It’s actually good, since I can just say it all once. Xion was asking me about the Unversed. Roxas, you… you know Vanitas wasn’t trying to hurt you right? He didn’t want to do that.”

“Yeah,” Roxas said quietly, taking a few steps into the room and sitting down on the floor. Feeling a little stupid, Xion sat as well. The floor was fine, even if the bed wasn’t. As she settled down next to the chest, she realized Roxas was looking at her intently. “Xion, you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, it doesn’t hurt anymore.” Her hand had hurt terribly when she’d fallen asleep, but that pain was all but gone now. Vanitas’s rogue emotions packed a serious punch, and yet she’d quickly bounced back from it. Bizarrely quickly even, since she hadn’t used magic to recover. But the pain hadn’t been truly physical, Xion thought. They didn’t have true bodies, so even if it had felt like being slashed at or stomped on that hadn’t actually been happening. Resting was how they recovered, Vanitas had said. “You’re not hurt either, right?”

“No. The Unversed, they were… feelings that were hurting Vanitas. That’s right, isn’t it? That’s why they were attacking him.”

“It’s just a natural extension for Vanitas,” Ven sighed, finally pulling his hand from Vanitas’s cheek. He held it aloft, and from the air above it it a picture began to form. One of the Unversed that had attacked on the beach – the one that had wrapped its thorny arms around Vanitas to choke the life from him. “We all have feelings that hurt us, right? Sometimes that just happens. We feel something, and it’s awful and it hurts. Vanitas has the advantage of being able to push those painful things out, but if they’re too strong, if they’re so centered around how awful he feels about himself in that moment… that kind of thing can happen. They can only hurt people incidentally, really. If Vanitas believes he deserves to be hurt by his emotions, they can hurt him. If we get in the way, they can hurt us… even if he doesn’t want to hurt us. What happened with the Unversed, that’s… normally, if I’m near him, they get confused and won’t attack. That’s what told me that it was serious, really serious. I didn’t realize until I was holding on to him and it still went for him the second it got the chance. You touched it Roxas, so maybe you… know what this is?”

Roxas’s expression had grown dark and full of indescribable sadness as he stared at the image of that Unversed, a mere representation of a feeling that had been devastating in its power. Having felt it, torn at it with his hands to try and pry it from Vanitas, Roxas certainly knew. The ones that had touched her, Xion thought she had begun to instinctively grasp even if she couldn’t quite put those feelings into words. Just from watching that rose, Xion felt she knew the truth of it even before Roxas spoke.

“It’s guilt.”

“Yeah.” It was so quiet that she could barely hear Ven’s confirmation. That was why it had been so strong. Vanitas’s guilt over the situation over a year past still cut into him just like those thorns. The fact that Vanitas blamed himself for it was undeniable, and that had given the Unversed the strength to completely incapacitate him… or worse. “Roxas, Xion… thanks. You helped him a lot, I’m really, really grateful. Maybe… we weren’t as ready as I thought, to talk about it I mean. But both of us feel the same way. If you put something off, you might not get the chance to ever say it. So thank you, for… helping us both through it.”

“You hate it, don’t you?” Guilt. A feeling like that could only center on Vanitas. If there was an Unversed more eager to hurt him, she couldn’t imagine how awful it was. Xion didn’t know why she was asking. Of course Ven hated it. “That Unversed, I mean. It’s dangerous.”

“It’s one of the worst ones that he makes these days. Even though I think that it’s important that you feel bad if you hurt someone, Vanitas is blaming himself so much for this when it wasn’t his fault. He only pushed a little of it out, maybe because he knew it was the one that would attack. But because he didn’t push enough out, it overwhelmed him. It’s funny… I fought so many of them when we were still enemies, but they were always so weak. Before we came here, I couldn’t actually feel what they were just by touching them. Any of the Unversed, actually. It’s because we’re just hearts now, our emotions reach each other more clearly. Anyway, Vanitas didn’t feel remorse very much back then so the Thornbites he made were really wimpy and easy to defeat. They looked different too, I guess since those ones were more regret than guilt.” Ven’s wry grin didn’t do a thing to soothe her concern. Thornbites? That Unversed had a name. Did they all?

“They have names?” Roxas blurted the question out as soon as he got the chance to speak, making Ven blink in surprise. Then he was frowning in thought, banishing the illusion he’d held within his hand and bringing it up to his mouth.

“I never told you, but yeah. Me and Terra and Aqua, when we fought them we gave them all names. We didn’t know what they really were or where they came from, just that they came in all different forms. So they needed names. Vanitas doesn’t call them anything at all. He thinks they’re stupid names and he gets fussy if I use them. But I still do sometimes, mostly in my head. I wasn’t going to say anything since it bothers him so much, but I guess the cat’s out of the bag huh? I always thought his reactions were funny, maybe I didn’t wanna share that. This new kind of Thornbite, that’s guilt… nowadays they’re scary strong. He’s been pushing the memories to the back of his mind so that those feelings don’t need to be let out, and it all just… festers. Because Vanitas can make his feelings into Unversed, the impact they can have is a lot more literal.” Pulling his hand from his lips again, Ven conjured up another image. The birds that looked like bats, that had struck them with stinging winds and made her want to run. That was what they were, the emotion that created them. “These are Axe Flappers. He makes those out of being afraid, wanting to run away to somewhere safe. Panic, you could say. That might be hard for him to admit. He doesn’t like being seen as weak, you know? That’s a feeling Vanitas pushes out too, but that’s just… because he knows it’s irrational. Those black rabbits are made out of that, being afraid of being looked down on. Hareraisers. They look cute and innocent, but I’m glad they didn’t get a chance to attack. I’ve never seen them go for him, though. Then… what else did he make?”

Being looked down on. Xion thought she could understand it, being afraid of that. For someone like Vanitas, another person’s pity surely hurt his pride on an unimaginable level. Ven had said before that he’d pitied Vanitas, hadn’t he? It must have been hard for him. What else had struck them on that beach? “Then… those boots, those were…”

“Mm… we called those Shoegazers. A lot of the things Vanitas is afraid of showed up, didn’t they… We both were hurt so much back then, it was agonizing. I couldn’t even register what was happening beyond the pain. These things used to be weak too, but they weren’t, were they?” Ven was looking at her now, closing his hand and erasing the image of the Axe Flapper. When he uncurled his fingers again, a Shoegazer took form above them. Xion wasn’t sure if either she or Roxas needed the visual reminder, but it certainly made things easier to comprehend. “Xion, your hand… before, they’d never have been able to do that. I’ve never seen them so strong or that big, even after I beat him and almost destroyed his heart. That was bad, but whatever healed Sora… it was burning him alive. Even though it was important and it saved Sora, just remembering it… it’s really…”

Ven was scared of it too, that pain. Shaking his head quickly, Ven changed the projection floating in the palm of his hand and the topic of discussion with it. Now it was what Vanitas feared more than being battered and beaten, what Ven feared more than that, what they all feared far more than a physical wound.

“Scrappers… because he was scared of…”

“Losing what was most important.” Roxas knew the truth of it too. “You.”

It was such a pained smile, the expression Ven turned to them. “They used to be one of the weakest things there was, and it wasn’t because he was constantly pumping out hundreds of them the way he did with some others. It’s funny… even though the way Vanitas was before was awful, he didn’t have much that he was afraid of losing. The χ-blade, that was the only thing important to him at first. But he was never afraid that it would leave his hands, not until it was actually happening. By then, it was too late. Nowadays there’s so much, but that just means there’s so many things Vanitas cares about. A lot of things he could lose.”

“Right, but… because he cares, he’s stronger. Isn’t that right?”

“You got it. Caring about people means you have something to fight for with everything you have. The bonds we share with other people… I think those are what make us strong. Really strong, not just our bodies. When other people are a part of your heart, when you have all your memories of them with you inside it, it’s like you have their strength too. No matter where you go or how far away they are, they’re with you.” Ven waved the Scrapper’s image away and reached down to pinch Vanitas’s cheek, making the other boy frown in his sleep. Chuckling under his breath, Ven pulled a little harder before letting go and brushing Vanitas’s hair back with one hand. It revealed something completely unexpected, and before Ven could continue what he was saying Xion couldn’t help her outburst.

“What?”

It took Ven aback, and he stared at her in blatant confusion for a long moment. Looking down at Vanitas once more, Ven’s expression smoothed out and then turned to outright amusement once more. Without much fanfare, Ven swept Vanitas’s messy locks back once more to reveal…

“I think it’s really funny, actually.” Ven pressed a fingertip against the gentle point the top of Vanitas’s ear came to, almost wiggling it in place. Vanitas’s ears were pointed. It was bizarre, but at the same time seemed to just make sense. Of course Vanitas had pointed ears… but why did it make sense? Xemnas, Saïx, and Xigbar had all had them too, but Xion wasn’t sure why that just seemed to be all the same kind of feeling. “Cute, right? He’s like a disgruntled elf, it’s great.”

“But… why are they like that? Sora doesn’t have ears like that.”

“Oh. Well… it’s the same reason he has yellow eyes now, isn’t it?” Now Ven was running his thumb under one of Vanitas’s closed eyes, though he made no indication that he was going to pull his eyelid open. They all knew what Vanitas’s eyes looked like, after all. It was only the ears that were new to herself and Roxas. “That’s what I figured, at least. Xehanort was the same way, the eyes too. And there was this other guy that Aqua fought, he had yellow eyes too. I just thought, if it’s something really arbitrary that doesn’t match Sora, it’s probably for that reason.”

Roxas was blatantly staring, his cheeks dusted with pink. Xion wasn’t sure what to think of that – clearly Roxas didn’t know how to respond to it. Until it was back she hadn’t noticed its absence, but Roxas had been a lot more normal that day compared to the past few weeks. Now he was edging back into that weird behavior that focused entirely around Vanitas.

“You mean it has something to do with the power of darkness?” That made sense, of course. Xion hadn’t much thought about it, _why_ Vanitas’s form didn’t quite match up with Sora. Her own hair wasn’t the same color as Kairi’s, after all. Looking between Roxas and Ven, she could easily compare brunet eyebrows to blond. She’d said as much to Vanitas, though when they’d spoken he hadn’t much explained why he looked so different and it had slipped her mind entirely. But Roxas had realized it, thought about it.

“Yeah, like I said… he’s not _really_ a Heartless, but it seems like the closer you get to darkness the more you just… start looking like one. Maybe.” Then, it was something Ven had talked about with Roxas already. Yellow eyes, all the Heartless she had ever fought had them as well. The power of darkness… it wouldn’t have surprised her if the members of the Organization were tainted by it. They’d all been using them, those corridors. The coats kept them safe, but maybe it had been too late for some. “I mean, what else could it be? There’s gotta be a reason they look the same. It’s not like they’re all related or something. His eyes weren’t always… actually, he used to have blue eyes like me, sure. And after that… well, anyway. You said all Heartless have yellow eyes, right Roxas? So that’s why he has those now. I don’t really know why the ears specifically, but, doesn’t that have to be it? I can’t think of anything else. The Heartless I… fought…”

There was something there that Xion was missing.

“They had sort of antennae, almost like streamers attached to their heads. But I only remember ever seeing that kind, so I don’t know if all of them have those things. Just blue-black humanoid… things, with those yellow eyes like spotlights, and those long antennae. Like cat ears, or… no, rabbit ears.” It _sounded_ like what Ven had faced were Neoshadows, but she couldn’t be sure. Roxas’s face was scrunched up in thought as well. Was there another kind of Heartless that fit that description? If so, Xion hadn’t seen them. “That was when Vanitas was born.”

“What?”

“I really just failed to beat them, I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t even fight, I was too scared. Since whatever Xehanort wanted me to do didn’t work out, since I’d disappointed him, he… pulled Vanitas out of my heart. Just made him, totally empty of any desires of his own. That changed, like I said. Pretty fast, he found things he wanted. First the χ-blade, then Terra, then-”

“Terra?”

“Well, yeah. Because Terra’s important to me.” Ven said it as if it were simple matter-of-fact, leaving her to ponder that. The link between his heart and Vanitas’s heart. Did Ven’s feelings for his friends flow through it? Vanitas had been so troubled by it, a time long past where his emotions had caused a violent wind to blow. When Roxas had asked him about Terra, who Ven held dear. “Anyway, there’s things Vanitas cares about now that didn’t come from me. I think the Vanitas that existed back then was really… a weak person, even if it was only in that way. He was scared to care about people, scared of the light. That didn’t _stop_ him from caring, it just really upset him. He thought he was… becoming someone who could never do what he was made to do. What he’d decided he was for.”

There was a lot that Vanitas was afraid of that made sense, but that was sobering to take in. Scared to have bonds with others… it was achingly sad. Vanitas really hadn’t had anyone.

“I like the person he became,” Ven murmured, cupping his cheek with one hand. “Now he’s someone who’ll fight for what matters to him and stake everything on that. Not just me, or Terra, or Aqua. He hated it back then, what he was feeling. But he does care, and now I think he’s proud to care. He might not say it, but… Xion, Roxas, you guys coming here made him so much stronger than he’s ever been before. You’re important to him. I don’t think he’ll let go of you so easily. Because, you know…”

A little roughly, Ven patted Vanitas’s face. It wasn’t an act with cruel intent, more a gentle mocking affection. Teasing, though Vanitas slept.

“He’s never had friends before. That’s something to fight for.”

Xion could agree with that.

It was two more weeks before Vanitas woke up, but he spent them sleeping peacefully. When those two weeks ended, his hands lingered on the remnant of a mask that had returned to his face and she and Roxas both knew from the shining of his eyes that what he wanted was to weep. And so she showed Vanitas her hands, so he would know she had healed, so he would know they both had healed.

Though he didn’t move, a part of her believed that a part of him wished to reach out and take her extended hands.

“I’m sorry,” Vanitas told them, in a voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Xion couldn’t make a real one, of course. It was something only Vanitas could do. But the wobbling image she managed to craft was easy enough to understand. It was easy enough, and Ven grinned with such relief, and when Vanitas looked her in the eyes she knew her message had been heard loud and clear. Even so, Roxas said it in words and she was glad for it.

“Vanitas, can you… make one of these for us?”

The scent of a white rose was sweet and clear, and the boy who gave it life simply smiled.


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, a bit of a shorter chapter today! The reveal in this chapter is canonical to the novels, and part of it is canonical to the games (as well as being sort of "oh yeah of course" conceptually). The novel-exclusive bit has led to endless speculation towards mysterious bosses, etc, but it's pretty doubtful that any of those will ever be what people wanted them to be.
> 
> Anyway, as always thanks to everyone who's commented and kept me posting!

“Okay, this one I really don’t get.” Vanitas glanced at him with some amusement, clearly understanding it. What had washed up on shore wasn’t in a crate at all, since it didn’t need to be. It was a log, several feet long and obviously there on purpose. Because it was there, Ven thought Vanitas must have wanted it even if he had no idea why. Like the wooden crates, it hadn’t absorbed the seawater and grown soft and useless. “What’s it for?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” As soon as he said it, Vanitas’s face twisted up in annoyance and he shook his head. “No, I’ll tell you. I thought maybe I’d try my hand at, uh… carving… The planks from the crates aren’t any good for that. And, well, I also wanted to test the rules of what arrives here. This kind of confirms it. If we want something, eventually it shows up. I’d first thought about it weeks ago now, I was starting to think I was wrong about how it works.”

“Carving what, though?” Vanitas was really taking it seriously, wanting to be open with him. It was nice to see that. He’d come a long way from the person he’d been before, that was for sure. And now, for some reason, Vanitas had come up with carving as another potential hobby. He’d been making more and more shelves, and a second bed frame was lying in the cave by the waterfall almost completely put together. Now it was carving as a way to keep busy, then. “You had something in mind, right?”

There was someone else in his life who liked carving too, Ven remembered. That memory sparked a solid realization. Everything that Vanitas had chosen to make wasn’t just a random way of utilizing the empty crates. It wasn’t for no reason that Vanitas had selected it – working with wood specifically, creating with his own two hands. Maybe, far more than either of them had realized, Vanitas had looked up to someone he’d never truly met.

Maybe he’d looked up to Terra as much as Ven himself had, and still did.

“Yeah, obviously. I’m not going into it randomly with no idea of what I want to make.” It wasn’t an answer to his question. Despite his words and tone, Ven got the feeling that Vanitas was embarrassed by what he wanted to make. Because it was endearing, Ventus decided he’d let it slide and find out when it was done. “Gotta admit I’m not particularly confident. Making a bed, that was just a matter of putting things together. It’s lucky that I got the measurements close enough that the mattress even fits on it.”

“You mean they’re not right?” Ven hadn’t really noticed that, so it must have been slight. It could have been that he was oblivious though. He’d have to take a look at it when he got the chance. Maybe that was why the frame Vanitas was building now seemed bigger than the first one.

“You can’t tell, huh. Not sure if that makes me feel better about it or not. I guess I worried for nothing. Even started over twice.” Though he didn’t think it would do any good for Vanitas’s mood, Ven grinned. It was reassuring to know that Vanitas hadn’t instantly created something perfect. If he’d simply been stupidly good at it without really trying, that would have been too annoying. Ventus had thought it couldn’t have been something that came naturally, but the confirmation that Vanitas had been concerned about it was a relief. He’d wanted to make something nice and had worried that it wasn’t quite right. Vanitas _was_ trying his best for his sake, and Ven could only smile at that. “Don’t act so happy about it, Ventus. You like that I was troubled by it or something?”

“What? Of course not! Well… I _do_ like hearing that, but it’s not about that part. I’m just sort of glad, it actually means a lot more now that I know that you were trying so hard. Sort of makes me feel…” Scratching his cheek, Ven felt an impossibly comfortable awkwardness settling over him. It would be embarrassing to say it. Even so, he wanted to. Taking a nervous breath, Ven finished his thought. “… special.”

“I’d say that’s about right,” Vanitas murmured, before turning such a vivid shade of scarlet that Ven felt his mouth fall open at the sight. It hadn’t been sarcastic or teasing in the slightest. As it sank in, the grin that had faded from his face was back in full force. Vanitas becoming flustered was something Ven had really grown to enjoy, even if it was a little at his expense. With his embarrassment written all over his face, Vanitas scratched his head with feigned resignation. He was trying to save face, but what Ventus noticed in that moment meant it didn’t matter at all. What was normally hidden by Vanitas’s hair was now on display, even if it was only on one side. Forgetting all about what they’d been talking about, Ven reached forward without thinking about it and brushed Vanitas’s hair out of the way. It only had Vanitas more blatantly anxious, now with a heavy dose of confusion. “Ventus, what?”

“Are you serious? Your ears! How did I never…” Had there simply never been a moment until then that he could have seen Vanitas’s ears? Even when his hair had been soaking wet, the only thing he’d swept back had been his bangs. His reply only had Vanitas more baffled, and he brought one hand up to his ear. He was almost mortified now, completely perplexed and very, very funny. It wasn’t something he should laugh about, and Ventus covered his mouth with the back of the hand he hadn’t reached out with in some attempt to keep from doing it.

“What _about_ them?”

“They’re _pointed_ Vanitas!” Though it was something he thought he had only ever seen on their former master, the tips of Vanitas’s ears were something Ven found himself immensely pleased by. He could call it cute even, though maybe it was Vanitas’s reaction that was cute. It really was nice to see him like that, an expression that made Ven’s stomach faintly queasy. “What’s with that, huh?”

“I don’t… that’s weird? I think they’ve always been that way. Wait… no, that’s not true…” Vanitas was frowning now, no longer blushing. It would have been disappointing if not for how concerning that sudden shift was. He was right. It wasn’t true because Vanitas had once had his body, ears and all. As “Vanitas”, though… “Even the way “I” first came into existence, that form wasn’t…”

“Wait, you didn’t look like that at first?” Ven still couldn’t really remember it, what had happened after his heart had been pulled from his chest. His consciousness had faded, and it had been a long time until it had truly returned. How long it had been, Ventus couldn’t really say. It was like he’d been too unaware to do something as simple as forming full memories. “I mean, younger sure, but…”

“Don’t joke, I didn’t have his face until you made contact with his heart. I’d existed for some time before that, several days at least. I was aware of what I looked like of course, it was just hard to stomach. That’s why I wore the mask in the first place, to hide that. But then it changed, and that was… worse.” Ven couldn’t even imagine it, how awful that must have been. No longer having his own face, wearing something that didn’t look like him at all. And he’d looked different before that. “Hard to stomach” had to be a terrible understatement. Vanitas looked unsure, but he spoke nonetheless. “Having a face that belonged to someone else. Right after it changed, I wished it would change back. What I desired the most was, well, you know. But if I couldn’t have that, could only choose between what I had after becoming myself… back then, I would have rather gone back to having no face at all.”

Something freezing cold dropped from his throat to settle uncomfortably in his stomach. Ven swallowed, a useless act with how dry his mouth had become. The face Vanitas had been born with hadn’t been a face at all.

Vanitas was bringing his hands to it, the face that belonged to him alone, and when he pulled them away again it was to reveal what looked more than anything like a painted black mask. Completely smooth, it was featureless but for two bright eyes that glowed with an unsettling light. Though he knew they were eyes they just looked like crimson circles with no pupils at all, shining out of a totally blank mask. No nose, no mouth. Eyes not unlike the those of an Unversed, and nothing else. There wasn’t a single hair on his head, nothing that could be identified as belonging to a person. A form that wasn’t human.

In the face of what wasn’t a face at all, Ventus couldn’t find any words.

“Like that,” Vanitas said, but he had no lips to speak with. Of course he’d worn a mask. If that was the form he had taken in the beginning, what had Vanitas once been? Neither of them wanted to confront it, the answer that not-face seemed to give. “It never occurred to me. Maybe I was just blocking it out so that I couldn’t realize. Maybe that’s what I was from the start. Maybe that’s what I still am. The thing I was after from the very beginning, it really was always…”

“A heart?”

“Your heart.”

A being that wasn’t entirely human was standing in front of him, and Ventus didn’t care. Even if he had been born as a Heartless, it didn’t matter. Even if it was something awful, he wasn’t afraid of that shape. If that was Vanitas as well, had been his past, Ven could accept it. Having that appearance, ceasing to be human, it surely had been horrifying. But he could accept it, because that face was Vanitas as well. He could accept Vanitas. He accepted Vanitas.

His heart that had once been Vanitas’s, he had wanted it back, wanted to own his entirety again. Vanitas’s heart that had once been his… Their hearts that had once been the other’s, were they something that should have belonged to both of them? But at the same time, they were different now. There was one for each of them. Even if those hearts that had gone somewhere else had once been the same, their hearts were still their own. If those hearts were desired, it didn’t matter. They no longer belonged to one another. They had no right to them, and the idea of simply taking them was detestable.

A heart was something that should only be given willingly.

Ventus wanted to ask it, but he was afraid of the answer he might get. What he wanted it to be, what he was scared he might hear, which was which? Nothing but a yes or no question, but it wasn’t that simple. Though it had once been cruel, the desire Vanitas had held for his heart back then was gone. Still… Desiring something took many shapes. If Vanitas said it aloud, Ven was sure he would understand which one it took. If Vanitas said no… though he didn’t want it to be, his heart was aching at the mere thought.

The heart that beat within his chest, did Vanitas still…?

Vanitas was watching him with those empty eyes. He had no expression, but Ven knew he was expecting the question that was almost on his lips. Unable to ask it, unable to decide what he wanted, Ventus selected something else entirely.

“What are you going to make out of that log?”

It was such a relief, when Vanitas brought back the face that he had grown to… what? That was something else that he didn’t want to confront. Maybe Vanitas knew it too, though he said nothing. Good or bad, whether he was happy about it or not, Vanitas hadn’t said a thing about those feelings. Instead, he only gave a drawn-out reply.

“I don’t know if it’s wrong, but it was… messing around, I mean. Fighting, but not for real. As a game… I, you know, that was…” Ventus did know, and so he wouldn’t make Vanitas say it out loud. He’d give him a break, he thought. As long as they both understood it and knew they did, it was fine to not use words. That game was fun, right or wrong. It was something they both had grown to cherish. “I thought, maybe… in here, a wooden Keyblade is more than enough.”


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's time for a fun relaxation chapter! This one's for all of you guys who are curious about the Unversed. Also featuring Roxas and Xion almost getting some things, and the audience getting something explained a liiittle more clearly (probably more confirming than explaining). This chapter really reveals how much Vanitas has gained when it comes to emotional maturity, even if he's not totally there yet.
> 
> Anyway this chapter is also on the shorter side, so I figured I'd explain a little: the chapter coming after this one is one of my favorites in the entire fic. I wanted to hold off on posting it until Friday is all! That's why I didn't double-up this chapter with the previous one.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented, you're what keeps me going!

“I still don’t care what you call it,” Vanitas said flatly, his arms crossed over his chest. Laughing, Ven raised the projection of an Unversed higher. It was one Roxas had never seen before, a grinning bottle that bobbed in Ven’s hand. With a stony expression, Vanitas reached forward and shoved his hand through it to dispel the illusion.

There were still some emotions that Vanitas wouldn’t tell them about, of course. Good or bad, there were things he wanted to keep hidden. From how embarrassed he’d become from the ones that he and Xion had tried to get answers from, it was worse to be asking in front of Ven. The picture in Ven’s hands was gone, but they didn’t much need it anymore. Beyond Ven’s open palm the rising sun was painting the sky in pink and orange, red light that traveled the furthest. It wasn’t their clock tower at sunset, but it was what they had. No one sat on the paopu tree, and no one really needed to. With their legs dangling above the water, they simply made pictures in their hands.

“Well, I’m surprised I haven’t been seeing this one more often. It’s been years, huh? You’re just so grouchy these days, I would have expected you to take a _little_ more joy in this kind of thing still. So are you gonna tell them what Vile Phials are or not?”

“I’m going to throw you in the ocean if you call them that again,” Vanitas ground out, and Xion’s strangled laughter was stupidly contagious. Ven had said Vanitas got fussy over the names, and he hadn’t been exaggerating in the slightest. In fact, Vanitas’s reactions made it so that they’d barely learned anything new at all. Ven had shown them Glidewinders, a manifestation of Vanitas’s impatience, and Vanitas had complained. Then Ven had shown them Tank Topplers, the frustration of a bruised ego, and Vanitas had complained. And now came Vile Phials, and more complaints. What was clearly his irritation flitted all around them, sinking into the ground in puddles the way their creator could. They were the only Unversed he’d ever seen that lacked the emblem that Vanitas wore as a belt buckle, but Roxas had yet to ask what they were called. Once he did, Vanitas would complain. “I still hate that one, it’s stupid. What’s that even supposed to mean? You never came up with anything good. Fine, fine! “I like confusing you”, happy?”

“Hm.” Xion wasn’t entirely happy with the response, then. She’d brought one hand up to her mouth, clearly thinking it over. “But you don’t really feel that way anymore.”

“Nah. Not enough to get rid of it, at least. I could still make them, but I’d rather…” What Vanitas made was a small teacup, and Ven nodded at it as its creator sat it down. That one, they already knew. Vanitas was just using it as a prop, a way of saying how he felt without speaking.

More than confusing them, despite his displeasure with the names, what Vanitas was enjoying was explaining things to them. Probably, that wasn’t an emotion that ever became overwhelming for Vanitas. Watching it open and then close its crimson eyes, Roxas thought it was just something that was typically given form simply because the form it took was useful.

Drinking out of it would have been pretty messed up, though. They had cups carved from wood, and that was good enough for him.

“I could still make them,” Vanitas said again, drawing one leg up to his chest, “But it’d be a struggle. Don’t have a lot of useful memories for that. I’d rather not dig through them.”

It brought a question to his mind, but before Roxas could ask it Ven was already piecing together another image. A chest took form, opening to reveal a gleeful expression and rows of teeth. They’d seen that one before, because Vanitas had caught Ven up in it and locked him away. Looking at it again, Roxas could tell concretely that it was nothing like the one in Ven and Vanitas’s room. That was a real chest, not an Unversed.

“Oh, sure. Show them my ugly side, will you? That one-”

“Spiderchests,” Ven said with a beaming smile, before catching an elbow to the side that nearly knocked him clean into the water. Spiderchests, then. There were a lot of Unversed that they didn’t know the names of, only the meanings. If he asked Ven what their names were in front of Vanitas, Roxas thought they’d both end up in the ocean. It would have to wait for another day.

“ _That one_ , “It’s funny that you were tricked”. And you…” Vanitas, looking directly at Ven, created a red pot that smiled a malicious smile. Though he’d created it, Vanitas wasn’t mirthful. It was Vanitas that was being annoyed, and so that Unversed was being made from _Ven’s_ glee that leaked into Vanitas’s heart. “You’re too pleased with yourself.”

“Maybe.” Ven certainly _seemed_ too pleased with himself. With his grin widening, Ven’s created image flickered into something that they all recognized. A fluffy pink cat stood on dainty paws, its two tails perked up at its back. Squaring his shoulders, Vanitas waved the picture apart.

“Do not,” Vanitas started with heated cheeks, and Ven kicked his foot gently.

“I don’t have a name for that one yet. But Vanitas, don’t you want to tell them what it is? Don’t you?”

“Buzz off, Ventus.” Ven just found that funny too, not caring that he and Xion didn’t understand. Instead of learning about the Unversed, the morning had been far more Ven teasing Vanitas with rough nudges and smiles that weren’t entirely innocent. Having Vanitas awake, it really did brighten Ven’s mood. “Fine, what else?”

“Hmmm… well, what else is important? There’s just a bunch that you don’t make anymore unless you’re using them as tools. Ah, did you tell them…” Concentrating hard, Ven pulled fragments of color together to create the massive bottom-heavy Unversed that had twin shields strapped to its arms. Vanitas shook his head immediately, shrugging loosely. It didn’t seem like he was hiding it.

“Don’t know how to define that one. You do it.”

“Oh, sure, push it off on me. Fine, I guess it’s only fair since I’ve been messing with you so much. These things are Buckle Bruisers.” Vanitas rolled his eyes, but didn’t verbally protest. Xion leaned forward to examine it, the Unversed that they used so often while preparing meals. They’d held its shields and felt faint echoes of it, but Roxas wasn’t sure that he truly understood what it was just from that. “Do you guys ever have a bunch of really awful feelings, and then because you don’t want to think about them you just get mad instead? So that you can _just_ be angry and not feel all the other stuff. That’s what this is, when you use being mad to keep all the rest away.”

With the way Vanitas described his emotions, Roxas wasn’t sure he’d ever have been able to sum that up as simply as Ven had. It wasn’t a foreign feeling. He’d used it too, pushing away his confusion and fear and despair in favor of losing his cool and lashing out. Shielding himself from those feelings, maybe.

The only time Roxas had ever seen a Buckle Bruiser was when Vanitas was cooking.

“Hey, Vanitas?” He might not get an answer, Roxas knew. He might get an answer that was lackluster too. But the question was too interesting to not ask. Vanitas nodded at him, a silent go-ahead. “Are there any Unversed that you _can’t_ make anymore?”

Vanitas looked at him for a long moment, long enough that it almost seemed like he didn’t understand what he was being asked. That wasn’t possible. The question hadn’t been complex. Maybe the answer was a hard “no”, and Vanitas couldn’t comprehend him asking it in the first place. Feeling a little stupid, Roxas only glanced at Xion and waited uneasily for whatever reply he’d get. Seeing that she was curious too only helped a little.

Finally, Vanitas’s eyes slid over to Ven, and he smiled a wry little smile that Roxas wasn’t sure what to think about.

“Yeah, just one.”

“Uh… then, what was it? Can you show us?” The realization that Ven didn’t know what it was that Vanitas was talking about hadn’t yet dawned on Xion, or else she would have been thinking more about that. Was it possible that there _were_ emotions that belonged to Vanitas that Ven didn’t understand?

It was Ven that Vanitas looked at as he laughed, and this time it was him that reached out with his foot. And this time, it was Ven who was annoyed by the act. A second red pot joined the first, this one entirely of Vanitas’s making. Roxas half-expected a grinning bottle to join it, but nothing else came.

“Okay, fine, I can’t figure it out. What is it?”

Pursing his lips, Vanitas leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He wasn’t making an image, and of course he wasn’t making an Unversed. There was one, just one, that he could no longer craft. “There’s a few that I struggle for. What’s your dumb name for them? Bruisers, so stupid. I can make one with memories, but a stiff breeze could probably take it out. It’s just barely. They’re not useful for anything, so there’s no point in making myself remember those feelings.”

Ven had quieted, no longer annoyed and simply… subdued. Whatever a Bruiser was, neither of them cared to elaborate and so maybe it was good that Vanitas no longer needed to make them.

“You only make Mandrakes to use the leaves now, right?”

“Stupi… yeah, that’s right. They _are_ useful, so I’ll deal with the memories. Those are easier to make, but only because I have practice in using memories for them now. The other one, not so much. I don’t need those feelings. If I scraped the bottom of the barrel I could make one again, but there’s no point in it. You _could_ call it one I can’t make anymore because of that, I guess. If I don’t experience the actual emotion on its own anymore and only through memories… Which, is that what you’re really asking? If there are things I can no longer feel.”

Roxas considered the words, frowning. It wasn’t a foolish way to interpret what he’d asked, but he didn’t know if that was what he’d actually wanted to know. The two ideas were linked, but not exactly the same. “Well… maybe you could look at it that way? But I guess what I wanted to know wasn’t that. It’s more like… even if you tried really hard to make it with all your memories, is there something you just couldn’t make anymore?”

That wry smile was back, and Ven still didn’t know the answer. Xion looked at him with exasperation in her eyes, and Roxas only shrugged. It wasn’t even as if they were communicating without words the way they seemed to sometimes. Vanitas was just satisfied with himself, not ready to speak just yet. He was enjoying the moment, and Roxas had no idea why.

“Vanitas, don’t leave us hanging,” Xion said eventually, and Vanitas snorted in genuine amusement. Raising a hand, he formed an image foreign to his eyes. Roxas watched it take shape – a dull, dingy purple creature. Whether or not it was actual size, Roxas couldn’t tell. It was just an illusion of something that no longer existed. The thing looked as if it would barely reach Vanitas’s knee, a mouse that stood on two legs and brought a paw to its head before holding both of them tight to its chest. What it had touched was a tiny cap nestled on its head that looked as if it should have had a feather in it, but nothing was there but an empty hole. The patchwork jacket it wore was too baggy, only serving to make the thing look more pathetic and small. It was… gloomy, morose. Roxas knew it was an Unversed, a painful emotion. The image of something that Vanitas could no longer feel looked at Ven, its furred cheeks damp with tears.

Around its neck a bright red thread was tied far, far too tightly, its ends frayed.

Pulling his gaze from it, Roxas looked to Ven as well and found him wide-eyed. This was something he recognized, but from the way he immediately started to reach out and then pulled his hand back…

Unlike a real construct, Ven couldn’t simply touch an image to understand it. But the fact that he’d even tried told Roxas that Ven couldn’t explain to them what that Unversed meant.

“Are you finally going to tell me what that is, Vanitas?”

“Can’t make it anymore,” Vanitas said cheerfully, and the mouse in that moving picture pulled one paw from itself to reveal a flash of yellow. Then it was reaching out with it, a bright flower that had been clutched to its chest. It was only a memory, but the Unversed was offering what it had plucked from its cap and kept tightly hidden. A paw held a flower out to Ven, and though it wasn’t real he extended a hand to take it. His fingers passed through it, and Vanitas spoke. “I don’t have to feel that way anymore. I have something else instead.”

The mouse vanished, and what Vanitas created instead wasn’t just a picture. He pushed it into Ven’s open hand, a pink pot with a clattering lid, and Ven only laughed as he pulled it close and reached inside. He always did that. Roxas still had no idea what it was that was hidden in there, something that Ven was always taking hold of and slipping into his pockets.

“That was years ago, wasn’t it? And you went off to talk to that thing over and over, I knew why you were sneaking out at night. Eventually it went away and I forgot about it, at least mostly. Whenever I remembered, it was a bad time to ask or I couldn’t figure out how to bring it up. So that’s what it was… Sorry I never realized.”

“What do you expect? I was hiding it, I shoved it in the cave so you wouldn’t see it. You never got a solid look at it, did you?”

“Not really, no.”

“Even if you knew, there was nothing you could do. I knew the truth. That was why it hurt so much. You understanding, it wouldn’t have helped. I knew what I wanted was… absent, back then.”

“Maybe,” Ven mumbled, and it seemed that his feelings were just a bit mixed up over it. Roxas found himself feeling the same way, unsure how to respond to the conversation happening in front of him. “Ahh, maybe you’re right. I guess I’m just glad to know.”

“Okay, that’s cool, I’m glad you know too. But what was it?” Even if Ven had figured it out, he and Xion were still clueless. Ven opened his mouth, and then closed it again. With a strange little smile, it was Vanitas who replied.

“Sometimes you have feelings that you want to be answered, feelings you want to share. I had those feelings, still do. But that’s not what that thing was. Back then, I had a feeling I wanted to share, and I knew that the person it was for just…” Vanitas paused, clearly thinking over his words. Ven, flushing, was undeniably that person. Years ago, Vanitas had wanted to share something with Ven. And the Ven from that time just… “… couldn’t return it. It wouldn’t be answered. What I felt, it wasn’t… reciprocated. It didn’t live in that person’s heart. But that answer, it being returned, it wasn’t something I had any _right_ to. Me feeling it alone wasn’t enough. Knowing that was true and that I couldn’t change anything just because I wanted to… that’s what it was. It was no one’s fault, and it still hurt. The feeling that wouldn’t be shared, I wanted it to go away. I was afraid that it would change things if it was discovered. If things had gone on like that, unchanging… eventually, maybe what caused it would have faded away the way I told it all to. Part of me didn’t want to let go of it, even though the fact that it remained unanswered hurt me so badly that it became a feeling itself. It was like I was being torn apart, I had to force it out and keep it hidden. No matter how much I cherished it… that thing, the feeling that made it always chased after what I wanted. I hated it, of course. But hating something doesn’t just make it go away.”

“But you can’t feel it anymore. Even right now remembering it, you’re not feeling it are you?” Xion’s question made Vanitas laugh, and smoke burbled out from under the lid of that Versed. They all knew the answer to it, and the answer to the question that Xion hadn’t quite spoken. Leaning against Ven, with Ven leaning against him, Vanitas said it aloud anyway.

“Of course not. That thing is gone and it’ll never come back. It won’t follow me anymore. And you know? I’m glad what started it never faded away, that my feelings I wanted answered never disappeared.” Ven elbowed him in the side, but it was with a grin and a laugh that Vanitas returned. Genuine laughter rang between them, something that was for each others’ ears. Just like that act, the feeling that had once led Vanitas to suffer… “We share it now. I’ll never give it up.”


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for us to careen back into despair and sadness. Wait I mean... no that is what I mean. I know a lot of people enjoy my Xion-and-Vanitas interactions, so I hope you guys can still enjoy this one even though it's harsh. Sometimes you mess it up, when you try to do the right thing. It's a good thing they're not all on their own.
> 
> As always, your comments keep me posting.

“You do not need to know how to do this,” Vanitas said quietly, and Xion considered the words for a long moment. He wasn’t going to teach her then, that was for sure. “I know what you want, and I know it’s not going to do what you want it to. Nothing good will come of anyone in this place seeing you do this. Nothing good will come of you doing it.”

“Do you regret it?”

Vanitas was the one considering something now, certainly thinking over her question seriously. What he’d said, he’d said for a reason. Nothing good would come of… someone else seeing it.

Hiding behind those words was a story Xion wasn’t sure she wanted to hear.

“I don’t know your reasons, not entirely. Our situations are similar, but vastly different in one major way.” Vanitas held up one hand, and within it an image formed. It was Ven, though far, far younger than he was now. His hair was shorter, his clothing baggier, his expression nervous, scared. This was… Ventus, before he had become two people. This was Vanitas as well. How much of that life did he remember? “Nonetheless, it’s not going to help. Changing the way you look will not make it any easier.”

The picture of Ven floating in the palm of his hand cracked in two, a diagonal line that split him in half right through the heart. Vanitas banished it, curling his fingers against his palm. The situation Vanitas had been through was different from hers. That was true. But she couldn’t just believe his words. It would help something, wouldn’t it? If she just had a face that was hers alone, she could _be_ someone. Wasn't that the truth?

“But…”

“You think you have a good reason to want this, one that’s meaningful.”

“I do! It’s that I…”

“You don’t. It won’t.”

“You don’t know that!”

Shaking his head, Vanitas brought both of his hands together in front of himself. As he spread them apart in a wide arc, an image filled the space between them. A barren wasteland, what she now knew was the Badlands. Within it was Vanitas, so much smaller, earlier in his life. A Keyblade in front of him, resting untouched at the edge of a long streak in the dirt. Under his hands, more tracks from where his fingers had dug into the soil.

Under his hands, because he wasn’t standing, could barely be described as being on all fours. Xion only watched it as the memory played out, leaving whatever she had said to prompt it forgotten. As she stared, her eyes wide, confusion and the first pangs of concern truly starting to hit her, the boy in the memory buckled entirely and rolled onto his side.

Xion leaned in, unsure as to what it was that she was seeing. In that desert, Vanitas was alone. She couldn’t hear anything, whether he was speaking or not. His concealed face gave her no lips to clumsily read. What was it that Vanitas was showing her? A scene from his past, but… As soon as she started to truly wonder, the answer became painfully clear. The Vanitas in that image had grown still, but something was rising from his prone body. A cloud of energy, dark and swirling, lifting from his form and taking shape around him. As it did Vanitas’s hands found his helmet, scrabbled against it, tore it from his head.

Sora’s face, far too young.

Writhing in that barren dirt, the memory of Vanitas’s trembling body continued to pour out his feelings. An endless stream of harsh, awful emotions, taking dripping, uncertain forms that seemed as if they couldn’t truly hold themselves together. The Unversed spilling from him were unstable, stumbling, falling, melting into puddles that drained back into their source as he writhed in the dirt.

Vanitas pressed his hands to his cheeks, snatched at his face, pulled at his hair. He grabbed the helmet again with shaking fingers, drew it in close. That shiny, glass-like substance that made it up… Xion knew what she was watching now, as the Vanitas of the past stared at his own reflection in it with wide… red eyes. The eyes that were reflected in that mirror-like glass were red, not the yellow she was used to. A vivid crimson, a shade not unlike that of the Unversed he created from himself. But what she looked upon was much more than that fact. Those eyes were so, so afraid.

This was it, the first time he had realized the appearance he wore wasn’t his own.

She wanted to look away. Seeing Vanitas’s face, Sora’s face, the face of a child, crumpling in horrified realization, it was just awful. The boy in that memory scrambled backward, his lips drawn back from his teeth in a grimace as he took in breaths that rocked his entire body but made no sound her ears could hear. The real Vanitas who made that image said nothing, his expression stony, his eyes – yellow eyes – hard. Staring between his face and the face of his past, Xion couldn’t say a word either.

Clutching at a form that no longer belonged to him, a young boy within a memory long past opened his mouth and began to scream.

“I don’t want to see this,” Xion whispered, nonetheless unable to tear her eyes from it as her own memories supplied what she couldn’t hear. A sham, worthless. Her own pathetic sobs from that day filled her ears, and Vanitas remained impassive even as he finally dissolved the illusion before him. Riku had been right. She and her Keyblade both were nothing but…

“Xion… would you say that I had a good reason?”

“Of course you did! Something like that, of course y-”

“Then _listen to me!_ A reason like that, not wanting to let go of my form, that was the best, most justified reason I could _ever_ even think of, but it was what led me to-” Vanitas waved a hand in front of his face, and when he pulled it away the boy looking at her was Ven, was Vanitas, was Ven. It flickered like a dying lightbulb, Vanitas’s face becoming Ven’s face becoming Vanitas’s face again and again and again. When he stopped that cycling – blue eyes red eyes yellow eyes blue red yellow blue red yellow – and stared at her, it was with his own face again. No, Sora’s face that had become his face. But it _was_ Vanitas’s face, the Vanitas she had met. Xion looked away, unable to stop the shame rising in her being. “And you know what? I do regret it. Doing that over and over again, running away and making myself look the way I used to only made everything worse. All I did was hurt myself more. You might be able to look different for a moment, but it’s not permanent and it’s not real. In your heart, you know what you actually look like. Another face, it’s just a lie. _Look_ at me, Xion.”

Not wanting to, she did. She knew she was shaking, but couldn’t calm her body. Vanitas wasn’t angry with her, Xion told herself. He was frustrated, upset, but he wasn’t angry with her. Vanitas wasn’t angry with her. Repeating it in her mind didn’t make her believe it, even though she knew it was the truth. Vanitas wasn’t angry with her, but he was yelling at her and she thought she might deserve it.

“If you start messing with your face you will only make yourself more miserable. You’ll make Ventus and Roxas miserable too if they catch you. You know how Ventus reacted when he finally caught _me?_ He was crying, Xion. I made him cry, what I did that day hurt him so badly that he was sick and slept. Do you want that? Do you really want that for Roxas? Xion, do you really want this for yourself?”

“I-I just…”

“You just what? You want to be someone else, huh? Too bad, you can’t! You’re Xion, this is your face and wearing another one for five minutes won’t change that. What you want doesn’t matter! All you have is what your heart believes, the shape your heart knows as you. And your shape is this, what I’m looking at. That’s you! You can’t permanently change anything unless you truly recognize it as “you”. Do you _really_ think you could do that when I couldn’t? Of course you don’t! So what’s the truth, huh? Why do you want this? You already know why you’re doing it! This is not actually about the way you look, Xion!” Vanitas jabbed a finger in her direction, making her flinch back. Immediately, he froze in place. “Ah… Xion, wait.”

Unable to not sniffle, Xion felt pathetic. The reality of the situation, spilling from Vanitas’s mouth in heated words, was something she hadn’t wanted to face. Not knowing who she was didn’t mean she didn’t have an image of herself imprinted on her heart. Being unable to read it, that didn’t erase it. Her stolen face _was_ the only one she could truly wear. She couldn’t help the tears spilling down her cheeks, couldn’t help bringing her hands up to that face to cover it.

Who did she think she was fooling? If Vanitas couldn’t even go back to the person he’d once been in this place, couldn’t make that his reality again, what hope did she have to become some vague person constructed only in her mind? And why was it that she’d sought something like that out in the first place? What was the truth?

Was it that, rather than loving herself, she…

“Xion, I didn’t mean to… I, I’m sorry. Hey, don’t cry, it’s oka-”

“ _What’s_ okay? I’m not supposed to be alive!” She wasn’t real. “Xion” didn’t exist, her body’s shape belonged to someone else who didn’t even know she’d been copied, her memories were something that had been scooped up and kept from their true home. Wanting a different face, wanting a different life, was it – “Is it so wrong to want to be someone that isn’t just cobbled together from other people!? Just for five measly minutes, I want to-! You get it, don’t you? You know!”

“Xion, that’s not…” Vanitas’s voice was soft now, but she could barely see his expression through her blurred eyes. It wasn’t fair. Vanitas wasn’t the same, Roxas wasn’t the same. What was a Replica? Nothing at all. “Don’t say something… please, don’t say something like-”

“I should never have been made, I’m a sham of a person! Fake! A mistake! All I did was mess everything up!”

“A mist- Xion, don’t _talk_ about yourself like that!” What right did Vanitas have to be so angry? He was the one who wanted the…

“Why not, huh!? It’s the truth!”

“It’s _not_ the truth. You… I know it… not knowing who you are is, it’s… s-stay here, just, stay put I’ll be, I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Vanitas had disappeared, and all Xion could do was sit on the ground and fail to hold back her tears. There was no one in this place truly like her, there was no one like her at all. Someone who wasn’t real, who had been constructed from nothingness, a clumsy recreation of a natural being that should never had been. The life she had lived had been made up.

The person whose hand landed on her shoulder wasn’t Vanitas, and when she turned her tearful gaze to them it was to see Ven looking back. His expression faintly lined with pain, he said nothing at all and simply put his arm over her shoulders to pull her in close. Vanitas was hovering behind him, unable to meet her eyes, ashamed. His guilt had spilled over and taken shape, but he was holding it by the vines so that those vines couldn’t strike. Thorns cut deep into his palms, and Xion only wanted to weep.

“Xion, hey… it’s gonna be okay.” Ven’s arm around her shoulders was real, warm. Ven’s body beside her was real even if she wasn’t, and Xion turned to press her face against his chest as the first shuddering sobs wracked her. “You know me and Vanitas don’t care where you came from, right? Roxas too. A Replica or a Nobody, anything like that… it’s fine. You’re Xion and that’s _okay_. You’re you, and you get to decide what being you means. We’re all right here. If it’s tough, if it’s scary, we’re right here.”

Over the sound of her own pitiful crying, Xion could hear frantic footsteps pounding across the sand as if to highlight Ven’s words and prove them as true. Still, she couldn’t make herself stop, couldn’t pull away to look at Roxas as he panted for breath. With her shoulders shaking and her tears soaking into Ven’s shirt, the only thing Xion could do was curl her fingers into the fabric and hold on to something.

“Xion, don’t cry,” Roxas whispered, kneeling beside her and drawing both of her hands from Ven to hold them himself. She squeezed his fingers immediately, knowing it was silly to take so much comfort in his presence. It was all so terrible, she didn’t understand anything. Roxas’s hands had hers, Ven’s arms were holding her safe. Nothing was okay, everything was a disaster, so why was it that having a hand to hold and a pair of arms around her made it so much easier to breathe?

“Xion, I…” This time, it was Vanitas who touched her. It was soft and hesitant, his alarm at the situation so obvious that she wanted to laugh at it. All that came out was a strangled sob, and Vanitas’s grip on her shoulder tightened only a little. “I went too far, I was… trying to keep you from doing something that would just make things worse. I’m sorry, I wasn’t… I wasn’t thinking about your feelings, I was too wrapped up in mine and I didn’t deal with them the way I should have.”

It was the first time Vanitas had ever touched her gently, Xion thought. Though she wanted it to, it didn’t just fix it. Knowing Vanitas had been trying to keep her from doing something stupid, that didn’t change how she felt.

She _was_ stupid.

What Vanitas pulled her hands from Roxas to do was give her a forming shape. Warm to the touch, soft and round, and the face she saw through her blurry eyes seemed as if it was smiling a hopeful smile. Trying to make _her_ smile, trying to make her feel good… that was the emotion Vanitas had handed her. A bright red balloon, to lift her spirits. Something he had made to speak without words, “I want to make you happy again.”

Sniffling, she managed to ask it.

“If… if “Xion” was a person… how would you describe her? Who would she be? What would you call her?”

“She’s whoever she wants to be,” Vanitas said bluntly, but for once he didn’t have the right words. This wasn’t something he understood. In the end, they only had so much in common. It was Ven who answered her, such a simple reply that soothed her heart more than she could ever say.

“I’d say she was kind, a little silly sometimes, determined, and someone with a good heart who wants to do the right thing even if it hurts her. Xion… the person she is, I can’t decide it for her. But to me she’s… what I would call her is just…” Ven’s hands covered hers, holding tight to a feeling she knew he shared, and so did Roxas. Roxas, who was answering in a gentle voice.

“Xion is a person already. And she… _you_ … Xion, you’re one of my best friends in the world.”

Three pairs of hands helped guide her before she fell asleep, pulled blankets over her body as her thoughts grew slow and weak, brushed hair from her cheeks. When she closed her eyes, it was with the faint but certain knowledge that they would be there to greet her once she woke. The people who cared about her existed, even if they weren’t all by her side. Roxas, Axel, Ven, Vanitas, perhaps even Riku and Naminé, they cared. They cared about her. Even Sora, whose heart had welcomed her home.

If she could define “Xion” as “a person who was loved”… she thought that perhaps, “Xion” was someone who had been blessed.


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, we're still in hell. Time to follow up on an event hinted on in the previous chapter! It doesn't take something complicated to throw your emotions out of whack, as Ventus is about to learn. But, you know... he's not dealing with it all alone, so there's that much.
> 
> As always, the people commenting are all that keeps me posting so thanks to that tiny band of folks.

For the first time in weeks or longer, Ventus woke up alone. When he got to his unsteady feet still yawning and opened the door, it was to the first glimmers of dawn rising above the horizon. It really was embarrassing that not having Vanitas next to him was enough to wake him up. Luckily, he was too drowsy to really feel that. Glancing back at Vanitas’s bed that neither of them had slept in, Ven wondered if two of those beds would fit in the place he was starting to really want to be when he woke up in the morning.

Maybe Vanitas wouldn’t appreciate the sunlight streaming in through an open entryway in the morning, but Ven would. Now that he was healed, even if not completely, from his shattered heart, Ventus felt that the room up high in that tree would be better. The shack was fine, but there were no windows and it wasn’t as if they could just cut windows into it. That seemed like something that could even be dangerous, trying to alter that heart’s fundamental structure rather than adding things into it, so it wasn’t an option in the slightest. If they propped the door of the shack open all they’d do was fill it with more sand, and it was ridiculous that they were sleeping on that sand in the first place with only a bunch of blankets to cushion them. But they were both too stubborn to climb into Vanitas’s bed.

Closing the door behind him, Ven took a few steps toward where he figured Vanitas would be and stopped dead. There was someone sitting on the ground by the waterfall, simply looking at his reflection in a mask made of black glass. Vanitas was sitting there, his fingers curled around his helmet, his expression twisted up, unaware that he was no longer alone. He hadn’t noticed, too engrossed in himself. Ven wished he hadn’t woken up. He wished he wasn’t seeing what he was seeing.

Ven brought a hand up to touch where his heart was breaking in his chest, and his own eyes looked at him in fear.

Hurriedly, Vanitas was hiding it with his hands – his face that flickered back and forth, that settled achingly on what he knew as “Vanitas” and not “Ventus”. He was glad, but it tore into him at the same time. Who was “Ventus” in the first place? Both of them, or neither. They were “Ventus”, but who was that person?

In front of him was who?

Vanitas had snuck away in the early hours of morning to wear his old face. How many times had he done it already, with Ven none the wiser? Unversed were spilling from Vanitas, uncertainty and guilt, the despair of having become someone else, so strong that he had no choice but to push them out. Ven couldn’t touch them. He had no right, having been such an idiot. Suddenly forced to finally confront it, Ven had no idea how.

Not knowing what to do, feeling pathetic and small, Ven covered his own face and began to weep.

“Ve- wait, don’t… I, I’m sorry. I just…” Vanitas’s hands were reaching out to him, strong arms wrapping around him. Foolishly, he’d thought that Vanitas was no longer affected by it. Ven had never felt stupider about it, the fact that even though Vanitas had told him in such stark words how awful it had been he had just brushed it aside. It had only been _days_ ago that Vanitas had said it, and he’d been so absorbed in the inhuman face that he’d been shown in that moment. And so long ago, what Vanitas had cried out…

_“This **is** my face!”_

With his hands covering his eyes that overflowed, Ven wished he could say something, anything, to fix it. Foolishly, he had thought that the pain of the past could simply be set aside. Foolishly, he had failed to notice it. Having made such a grave error, how could he say he cared for Vanitas?

“Hey… Ventus, look at me.” Ven didn’t know if he could. Vanitas’s arms were around him, and somehow it only made it so much worse. “I-I messed up. Don’t cry, I won’t do it again. I won’t…”

“I’m sorry! Even though you’re the one who’s… I’m acting like this, I’m so stupid!” He didn’t even know what he wanted, what he was really apologizing for. Did Vanitas know it? Being so gentle with him at the sight of his tears, it was something Ven wasn’t sure he deserved. “How did I never think of it?”

“What am I gonna do with you, huh? I’m supposed to be the mess, Ventus.” He might not have deserved it, but Vanitas was there. Through his tears, Ven wanted to laugh. Both of them were a mess, and it had taken so little to tear open a wound that he’d thought had healed. It had been deeper than he’d known. Quietly, Vanitas was speaking to him. “I… don’t like it, when you try to take responsibility for something that you couldn’t control. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. Please.”

“It’s my fault you stopped being-!”

“Ventus, shut up. Look at me. I’m not… the, the reason… what you think, I don’t do that anymore.” The words betrayed the truth, and Vanitas hadn’t realized it. “Anymore”, it was simply a confession that it wasn’t the first time. Maybe on the day that Vanitas had tormented him with Terra’s face, he’d been changing to something else for a miserable reason. How many times? How many times had Vanitas stared into a dark mirror at the self he could have remained? “I just… wanted to confirm something, for my own sake. Ventus, just look at me. Ven.”

A single word ripped into his heart, a complicated mess of emotions. How did Vanitas know it? A nickname that he’d never spoken to him had fallen from Vanitas’s lips. Terra’s pained voice that had cried it out as a cruel hand had cracked his armor and frozen him solid. Vanitas had heard it in such a horrible moment, and that twisted together with everything else. Stunned, happy, disconcerted, displeased, Ven didn’t know which one he was.

It was his name, of course. The name his friends called him. Coming from Vanitas, it was so strange that his tears abruptly ceased and he could only lower his hands. Such an act had been… intimate, but it couldn’t compare with what was in Vanitas’s eyes as he met them. They were heavy with something that Ven found hard to look away from, a feeling with no limits.

“It’s not that… I, I’ve accepted it. This is what I look like, and that’s fine. It’s just, remembering the different forms I’ve taken made me… I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure if it was fine, all of a sudden. I doubted myself. Turns out that’s easy.” With his lower lip trembling, Ven sniffled. Vanitas had let go of him just enough that they could truly look at one another, his embrace loose but still thankfully present. Doubt. They both were filled with it. Despite Vanitas’s words and what shone in his eyes, Ven couldn’t convince himself that Vanitas was okay. Would either of them ever be truly okay again? “Ventus, it… felt wrong. Even though I knew I was looking at myself, I just saw you and not me. I won’t do it again. I didn’t think about it, that it would hurt you. I won’t do it again, I won’t. It’s… it’s your face now. I have accepted it. I accepted this form a long time ago. I like this face. It’s mine. Even if I look like this because of that kid, I don’t care. This is my face. I can’t get the old one back and that’s fine. I don’t need it, I don’t even want it. I like the one I have.”

“But it was supposed to be…” It was supposed to be Vanitas’s face. It had never been meant to change. The course of their shared existence had been altered so horrifically. Ven couldn’t bear those mixed-up feelings, how much he wanted Vanitas to be in his life and how much he mourned the path they’d been shoved onto by becoming two. How could it be both? Wanting to call himself the one at fault, that feeling too warred with Ven’s knowledge that he had been powerless.

“Who cares? Wasn’t it you who said we weren’t the same anymore? Maybe… for a long time, it would have been easier if we could have gone back to being one. I thought that, in the beginning. Wondering if it would have been a comfort to be with you again, as a single heart. That’s… that’s not helping. That’s making it worse, isn’t it? I don’t… know how to do this, I don’t know how to help you. You said you like it when… the, the truth…” Vanitas took a slow breath, reaching to wipe away the tracks that Ven’s tears had left on his cheeks. He had told Vanitas he liked it better when he was honest, and Vanitas had taken it to heart after all. Sometimes the truth was scary, painful. Ven could only hope that it wouldn’t be, that what Vanitas told him would be kinder. “Being with you like this, as two people, I’m happy. There are things that are awful. I did things that were awful – _don’t_ , don’t make excuses for me. Even if I had the best reasons in the world for some of it, the rest is on me. It’s always going to be on me. But the things I broke, if I were to go back to being Ventus I would never get the chance to try and put them back together. I don’t want to be Ventus. I want to stay like this. I _like_ being Vanitas, I like being myself. My face, it’s the proof that we’re two people. That’s important to me. You’re Ventus, and I like that too.”

Vanitas’s hands were warm, and Ventus could only close his eyes. If Vanitas did whatever he wanted in that moment, he thought that would be fine. It was so miserable, even the fact that Vanitas was trying to comfort him in his own awkward way. Another time, Ven would have smiled at that. Now it seemed that the floodgates he’d put up had, perhaps inevitably, burst, and everything that he’d packed away was pouring out.

Though Vanitas stuttered the words out, stumbled over them, they were undeniably the truth. “I, I don’t like seeing you upset. No, I… hate it. Not because sometimes I feel it, it’s because you… you’ve become…”

It was supposed to help. It should have helped. What was wrong with him that Vanitas’s honest words that meant so much only hurt him more deeply? Vanitas felt his unwarranted feelings, had them forced upon him, and… “I can’t even share it! Even though you have to deal with what I feel too, I can’t even-! It’s unbalanced, I hate it. I’m just dumping my feelings on you and hurting you with them!”

“I don’t care. I’ll take them, good and bad. If you can’t feel me the way I feel you, I don’t care! You don’t have to. There’s other ways to…” Ventus could feel it on his skin, the tingling discomfort of Vanitas creating an Unversed. He didn’t know what it was, how it would act, if it was dangerous. Completely useless, Ven didn’t even open his eyes. He was pathetic, just letting everything happen and offering weak excuses as if determined to reject the mere idea of being less upset. Selfish, pitiful, a disgrace. It would have been…

“It would have been better if they just did what I asked them to!”

As if sensing the gravity of his words, Vanitas froze entirely. Ven didn’t want Vanitas to feel it, the shameful truth. The hands on his cheeks that had been so warm were losing their heat. He didn’t want Vanitas to know it. “… Ventus, what do you mean by that?”

Closing his eyes tighter, Ven said nothing. Wanting to run away, he didn’t know where he could possibly go. If he’d run away forever back then, neither of them would be suffering in that moment. He’d shoved it all away, tried to forget that fear and desolation, but it still lived inside him. Just like the things Vanitas had done, those feelings couldn’t be erased.

“Ventus. Don’t… Ventus.” More and more Unversed were spilling from Vanitas, he was sure. The feeling of that energy on his skin was a constant. If Vanitas emptied himself, it would be his fault. The fact that Vanitas had lived such an awful life, it had been his fault. It was stupid. His mind knew it wasn’t true. His heart that believed it was was sobbing. “Tell me the truth, Ventus. _What_ would have been better?”

He didn’t want to say it, but it was rising to his lips. Just barely, Ventus kept those words locked away. If Vanitas kept prying, they would both be hurt even more. Those gentle touches, the heartfelt attempts to soothe him, they would mean nothing if the result was Ven destroying it all. Saying it out loud could ruin the life they had made together.

Ven wanted it to have been them who’d come to comfort him. What he missed was Terra’s hand on his shoulder, the touch of Aqua’s palm against his cheek. He wanted to go back to it and sleep peacefully in the warm, loving home that Master Eraqus had given him. Ventus knew he might never get any of that back. Working through what they had been through together, it might be forever. With Vanitas by his side, Ven wanted to believe that he could get through anything. He wanted to believe it, and didn’t.

A single person, even though it was Vanitas who stood with him, wasn’t enough for “forever”.

“Ven-”

“I asked them to erase me, I wanted to die! I wished I’d never been born!” To his despair, Vanitas’s hands that had been on him let go. With his shoulders jerking, with a sob trying to escape him, Ven squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could. Like he’d thought, saying it aloud had hurt. Having started to speak, he couldn’t stop. “I still wish-”

Vanitas’s fist knocked him off his feet and straight onto his back in the sand.

“Wha-” The expression Ventus saw when he finally looked was one twisted up in an aching misery. His mind was emptying as Vanitas pinned him down. What? He couldn’t connect them, what was happening in that moment and the idea that Vanitas was attacking him.

“ _Don’t ever say something like that!_ ” Vanitas raised a hand as if to strike him again, but curled his fingers against his palm and didn’t swing. Ven found himself wishing that Vanitas would just hit him again. It was what he deserved, to be punished for his weakness. The weak got hurt, and the strong-

Rather than another blow, the thing that Ven felt on his cheeks was hot tears. There were Unversed everywhere, so many feelings that Vanitas had in spades. Having pushed them out, started to become empty, Vanitas was still weeping. The Vanitas who looked at him was simply weeping. The pain in his heart from that sight was unbearable.

There was something that could have been funny about it, hearing something just like his own words to Vanitas from a day long past. Still, in the face of Vanitas’s tears, Ven couldn’t find it in him to laugh. There was nothing he could even smile about. If Terra might have lost, what if Aqua had as well? If he made it to the world outside and no one was there to greet him, how could he possibly bear it?

If his empty body had wasted away to nothing, what would he do?

“I’m sorry. Ventus I’m _sorry_ , I shouldn’t have… Why did I…” Vanitas had hit him because he’d felt his desire to be struck. With mingled tears on his cheeks, Ven said nothing at all and merely sobbed. A Thornbite was curling its vines around Vanitas, and he slapped it away and drew it back in. “Go, leave, don’t touch me! I won’t let you get in the way!”

Banishing his guilt, because if it struck he couldn’t do what he felt he needed to in that moment. Not knowing how to respond to it, Ventus took hold of his silence once more.

“I can’t take you back home,” Vanitas said, and the regret and misery in his voice made Ven simply reach up to him. The flushed cheeks he took in his hands seemed to bring the warmth back to his fingers, but even if they hadn’t Ven wouldn’t have let go. Even if Vanitas’s body had been like ice, he wouldn’t have let go. It was Vanitas’s fault that he’d needed to come to the place they both lived. It was Vanitas’s fault that Ven hadn’t seen Terra and Aqua in what could have been more than a decade. If he had hated Vanitas forever, Ven thought that both of them would have understood that. And yet, he didn’t. Hating Vanitas, it was something Ventus knew he could never do again.

Vanitas was all he had, but that wasn’t the reason he cared.

“Ventus… please. Tell me how to help you.”

It wouldn’t simply be alright. They understood that. A single person, no matter how dear, wasn’t enough for “forever”. The other people who meant the world to him were somewhere out of reach. Neither of them could snap their fingers and get back all that had been taken and lost. Their reality was… cruel. But Vanitas was close to him, strong arms embraced him tightly, and everything was wrong except for that. The only thing in that moment that was right was Vanitas against him, warm and solid and real with an overflowing heart.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You think I do, Ventus?”

“… no.” Vanitas’s arms around him were such a relief. They grounded him, kept him from floundering. “Forever” was too long for just one person, but “forever” spent alone would kill him. Vanitas couldn’t replace all the people that he loved who remained outside, and Ven didn’t want him to. The others had to be there waiting for him. If he stopped believing that, he would never survive. They were out there and they would meet again, and he had Vanitas who met his gaze without wavering.

In that moment Ventus expected something, but he didn’t know what. Perhaps it was something that Vanitas felt too. Something that connected their hearts still beat within them, stronger than it had been years ago. Like a vein that let them share each other’s warmth, breathe each other’s breath, feel each other’s emotions.

If Vanitas drew closer, then…

“So let’s find out.” Neither of them knew where to go. Their limitations were something they would have to accept, to adapt to, or they would simply waste away in despair. “Ventus… don’t let your light go out.”

Vanitas’s heart was bared to him, everything good and everything bad. It was an infinite realm stretching out before him without a boundary in sight, a world once closed off. His light, but what was light? There were so many things that were darkness, things Ventus understood having once seen them in Vanitas’s eyes. Within them both, those things still existed. They were things he recognized, things he had felt, things he had lived, darkness and light both. Ven couldn’t say if it was the truth, but if he had to try to define the indefinite he could only call it one thing.

His heart that was a part of others’, that was light. Within them both, there was light. In Vanitas’s heart that touched his, there was light. And because it lived in that heart…

In a voice that pretended strength, Ven spoke soft words.

“Help me keep it alive.”

It wasn’t enough for “forever”, but maybe it was enough for “now”. Because “now” _wouldn’t_ be forever, he could be held aloft by what he had in that moment. Vanitas’s smile, awkward but true, was something indescribably beautiful.

“… sure thing.”

When he woke hours later it was curled up in bed with his arms wound tight around a red balloon, and Ven knew that all Vanitas wanted was to see his smile.


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, time for a somber-ish chapter that's thankfully just somber-ish. It's a quieter event, at least... and it ends with something pretty soft, that's for sure. A conversation chapter, you could call it. No punching.
> 
> I wrote and posted a drabble yesterday that's totally unrelated to this fic! But maybe you guys will like it.
> 
> As always, the only thing I ask for is your comments!

“Two days at most,” Vanitas muttered, shoving the manifestation of his guilt aside before it could even come close to him. When he spoke, Roxas knew it was the Unversed – a Thornbite – that he was addressing. “ _Not_ helpful.”

“Two days,” Ven sighed, covering his face with his hands as he did so. It was brief, but when he pulled his fingers away there was exhaustion in Ven’s eyes. Roxas was lucky to not be tired physically, whatever physically actually meant. His heart was weary, but not enough to sleep. “Vanitas, what did-”

“Messed up pretty bad.” Vanitas wanted to sleep, Roxas was sure. There were faint shadows under his eyes… but maybe that was just his mind supplying something that he’d expect from someone whose energy had run out. Either way, it was obvious that Vanitas’s heart had been aching as well as his. “She was asking about changing her face. It only makes things worse, makes reality harder the closer you get to altering it. I don’t know where I went wrong trying to explain that, I got too worked up. I didn’t make a single Unversed, like an idiot. Just kept remembering what you said back then.”

The pair that had once been one looked at each other in silence, and Roxas wished he could hear the words going unsaid.

Changing her face. Was it something Xion had been curious about, or something she really wanted to do? Not knowing that nor what moment in the past Vanitas had been thinking of, Roxas simply chewed on his lower lip and felt no pain. What Xion had asked of them before fading fast, desperately wanting to know who she was, it made him think he knew the real answer to his own question.

Xion was Xion, of course. And for perhaps two days, Xion would sleep. Sitting on the edge of the bed he shared with her, Roxas tried to keep his sigh as quiet as possible. They both still heard it, of course.

“Roxas doesn’t know what we’re talking about,” Vanitas said, and Roxas didn’t say anything because it was blatantly the case. “Sorry, but I’m not going to tell you. It’s not my business.”

“Yes, it is. It’s our business since it was about both of us. And it’s Terra and Aqua’s busi-”

“Fine, correction. It’s not my right to explain, it’s yours.” After a second’s pause, Vanitas grunted in realization of something that Roxas hadn’t figured out yet. “Ah. Stupid… shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You think? But I already told them about it a while back, just not how it came out. If I hadn’t, yeah! I wouldn’t have really had a choice, you just brought it up and left it a mystery at the same time. Just, you don’t have to act like it’s some secret. Roxas and Xion already know about it.” That didn’t help him much, of course. Leaning to rest his arms against his thighs, Roxas closed his eyes, heaved another quiet sigh, and looked back up at them.

“Okay, if we already know, can you not be so vague?” Vanitas hadn’t been expecting him to speak, but Ven had. He shrugged his shoulders with some nervousness, clearly not knowing how to repeat whatever it was he’d once said.

“You guys were really upset a while back. I wanted you to know I understood what you were going through a little, but I was pretty worried I’d make it worse by saying it. Uh… Vanitas, you don’t have to, you can…”

“I already know, don’t act like I’ll break down if I hear it again. As long as you’re fine, I’m fine. You’re not torn up about it the way you were back then, it’s not going to bowl me over. Just, all of that was because… I told Xion this, since I was trying to keep her from doing it to herself. What I was doing back then, it’s something that just makes the cracks in your head worse. Me messing with my face, it was some stupid kind of way for me to reaffirm who I was. If the reflection I had was someone I could recognize as “myself”, it was me. Of course it fell apart. No matter how many times I made myself look like him,” Vanitas pointed at Ven, “All I saw _was_ him. Not me. That’s not my face anymore. I’d almost broken the habit, checking to make sure what I believed. Then Ventus caught me at it. Never did it ever again, not until in front of you guys.”

The silence that had stretched between Ven and Vanitas that day, like the one stretching between them now… Roxas finally had an idea of what had caused it.

“It was a bad day for both of us,” Ven said eventually. “I didn’t react right. I just hated myself for it, that I’d somehow put out of mind the fact that… you know, if I’d woken up one day and looked totally different, I don’t know if I’d ever have been able to get over it. But for some reason I didn’t think about what that had to feel like until I saw Vanitas…”

“Kinda stupid, isn’t it? The first time you saw it you were too angry with me to think about it. Rightfully, of course. You said some… Anyway, it wasn’t great. I upset Ventu-”

“No, I’m not avoiding it. I’m not proud of it, but I said it. I knew Vanitas was upset, and I wanted to make him feel worse. I didn’t think about it, how messed up it was for me to rub it in his face that… that I was the one who didn’t change. I… never really apologized for that, did I.”

“I was being cruel. I basically handed you the knife and made you want to drive it in, I don’t blame you for twisting it. All you did was turn things back on me after I decided to torment you. I was the one in the wrong and you know it.”

“It was pretty awful of me anyway. I don’t even remember what I said, I just know it made me feel terrible. Maybe I was trying not to realize it, that you were right to be upset about it. No, part of me did, I just tried not to listen to it. I think I remember that, realizing I would have been upset too if it had been me. I didn’t want to feel bad for you back then. It was easier if I didn’t have to think about it, so I guess it was that I was refusing to face it. I was just mean instead. But it’s… kind of a blur.”

Laughing in a way that felt bizarre to hear, Vanitas reached out to put a hand on Ven’s shoulder. No, his neck, brushing a thumb against his jaw. The quiet intimacy of that, a moment where the two of them recalled a memory that they were glad was in the past, was something Roxas wasn’t sure he should have been present for.

“The truth did hurt, you were right. You never apologized, sure, but I don’t care. Never expected you to. I never apologized for putting his face on in front of you. Even if it wasn’t about you…” Vanitas looked at him abruptly, his gaze sharp as if he’d only just recalled that he and Ven weren’t alone. It was a little uncanny, and Roxas looked at Xion simply to break eye contact. Thankfully, Vanitas didn’t call him on it. “Doesn’t matter. Mincing words is stupid. Ventus reacted understandably. He wouldn’t have been able to keep himself from realizing it forever, it would have come out somehow. It just ended up being like that, because I messed up and made him confront it all at once. Regret’s bitter, can’t say I’m fond of it no matter how many times I swallow it down. Then he told me that…”

Vanitas had said he wouldn’t break down to hear it again, but it was clear from his expression and the way his fingers lingered on Ven’s skin that it hurt. It wouldn’t break him, but it hurt. That was something Roxas thought all of them had felt. He still felt it himself, the pain that his past was filled with.

He didn’t want to, but like so much of his life it wasn’t as if he had a choice.

“We’re drawing it out and making it a big deal,” Ven mumbled, and Vanitas sighed before pulling his hand back. “It’s not a secret, just a part of my life. Just something that happened. I already said, when you and Xion were so upset about where you came from. A long time ago, I wanted to stop existing. I was scared of what might happen if I fought Vanitas, I didn’t know what to do. I just kept thinking more and more that there was no way to avoid fighting, and us fighting was what Xehanort wanted. So I asked Terra and Aqua to… to, take me out of the equation.”

The person that Roxas looked at in that moment was Xion, her eyes closed and her breathing deep and even. He wasn’t any different from Ven, was he? For so long he’d put it out of mind and refused to face it, because she was there in that moment safe and sound. Roxas was glad he didn’t dream of anyone but Naminé, dreams that had to be reality. If he’d been able to truly dream they would surely have been nightmares from his own past, of losing everything, of watching his best friends fade away. Ven had wanted that, to become nothing. She hadn’t asked him for it with words, but it had been what Xion had wanted as well. Thinking it was best for everyone if she went away… had that been it? And eventually, Roxas had felt almost the same way. Resigned, he’d given up. Not wanting to go, he had anyway.

Xion had wanted to go.

“I just felt so awful and powerless. I wanted them to make a decision for me, I didn’t have any faith in myself. I just wanted them to fix it, all the stuff I’d convinced myself I’d broken by existing. I should have known they wouldn’t do it. Terra even fought Master Eraqus when he…” Ven’s laugh was a little incredulous, and then he was bringing both of his hands up behind his head to lace his fingers together. Though it was such a dark thing to talk about, Ven had found something genuinely funny in it. “Sorry, that’s messed up. I just thought, “I guess Master Eraqus was my real master after all”. The person I remember learning the most from really was him, so it makes sense that we ended up thinking the same way. Terra would never have let anyone hurt me, so of course he wouldn’t do it himself. I think he even fought our master when he decided he couldn’t risk the χ-blade being forged. I don’t know what Master Eraqus knew, so I don’t really know why he reacted the way he did. I just felt like he was right, what he was doing was what needed to be done. He was so upset. If Master Eraqus thought it had to happen even though he didn’t want it, then he had to be right. That's what I thought. Maybe that’s why I said what I did to Terra and Aqua.”

“His mind was clouded by fear,” Vanitas said quietly, and when Roxas looked up from Xion it was to see that his eyes were averted. He was ashamed, and the Unversed that still lingered at his feet was a testament to that fact. His past was shameful, the things he had done were shameful. Regrets were written all over that face, but regrets couldn’t turn back time. Once again, Vanitas choked down that bitterness. “It’s not like he suddenly hated you. Sorry to say it so bluntly Ventus, but Eraqus was another pawn. His fear of the darkness could be manipulated to make him act despite how much he cared for you. He moved as predicted, much more than anyone else did. Guess that’s to be expected. They studied together in their youth. Xehanort knew which buttons to press, knew how seriously Eraqus took his duties as the Keyblade master who watched over the Land of Departure. Even if he wanted to leave immediately to bring you home himself, he couldn’t abandon his responsibilities. His fears were rational, we did almost end everything. Almost everything went as intended, minus my intent to toss it all aside and my ultimate failure. Of course, because Eraqus feared and hated the darkness so much, he gave it the opening needed for it to set foot into his heart and turn him on you. Striking down his own disciple, he knew it would tear him apart… even make him fall. That was a favorable outcome to the master.”

Sometimes Vanitas still said it, ten years later. It told Roxas more than he wanted it to about Vanitas’s reality. It told him more than he wanted to know about the claws that had dug into his heart so long ago.

Sometimes Vanitas still called the man “master”.

“So Master Eraqus attacking me was all part of your plan?” Ven’s voice had taken on a cadence that Roxas didn’t think he liked. It reminded him of himself – of course it did, they had the same voice – when he’d confronted Axel and gotten no answers. That tension was the same, a voice on the brink of a fury that’s existence would be decided by the response its words received. Roxas didn’t know who to look at, and so he kept his eyes down. After ten years, they still had secrets between them that hurt to be uncovered. A plan that had involved a master turning on his own pupil. Even if he didn’t think that knowledge was enough to ruin things between those two, the air was too heavy. “Was that it, Vanitas?”

“Yes. That part was mostly out of my… no, I won’t pretend I wasn’t culpable. I planted the seeds of doubt, even if I wasn’t always the one watering them. What happened that day was because of me, you left because of me, you were endangered because of me. All of it was, I helped ruin it all. Drawing you away from home, sending you after him… I was the catalyst for all of that. I’m sorry, Ventus.” After those words, no one spoke for a painfully long moment. Even more painful was what ended that silence, Vanitas’s low whisper. “You know I’m sorry, right?”

Ven heaved a sigh that seemed more than anything to be him composing himself, but then he was grinning a genuine grin. “’Course I do. I don’t hate you for it. I’m mad, sure, but… being mad, it’s not going to help me and it’s not going to help you. I know you wish you hadn’t done it. There’s a lot of things I wish I hadn’t done too. No, don’t start, I know the things I did wrong aren’t the same at all. Back then, I thought it would have been better if Terra hadn’t fought to save me. But you know, all of that changed. I already decided we’d go together, that _won’t_ change. And right now I think we all sort of feel the same way.”

Ven turned to him, and the eyes that met his were no longer sharp with anger. He just made the best of it, because it was all he could do. The way Ven reacted, how he didn’t hold on to the feelings that hurt if he didn’t have to, really did remind him of Sora. Now, finally, Roxas thought he had the opportunity to be a part of the conversation again. “What way?”

“Lots of ways. Both right now and back a long time ago, it really seems like we all had the same kinds of feelings. You know, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, seeing how you and Xion live your lives and the things that are hard for you guys and remembering what was hard for me and what still is. I don’t know that Terra and Aqua had those kinds of feelings ever. I don’t know if Sora has, or his friends, or Axel. But you and me, Vanitas, Xion. All of us…”

“Tried to stop existing.” As Roxas finished the thought aloud, Vanitas wound his arms around Ven’s neck and shoulders and leaned against him. None of that was wrong. Thinking it would be better if he was gone… he and Ven had both felt that. Xion had felt that. And it seemed Vanitas had felt it as well.

“Well, I’d wanted it to be more retroactive.” Though Vanitas’s voice was deadpan, Ven’s forehead still creased with a faint pain. He tilted his head back, turning it just enough to press his cheek against Vanitas’s as the arms around him tightened. It had been pulled taut for a moment, but the bond between them was still whole and had relaxed once more. Even though the metal of Vanitas’s helmet had to be uncomfortable, neither of them pulled away. “You could say we all pulled it off, really. You two, me, Xion, and… well, dunno if she wanted it too.”

She?

“Either way, that’s how it is I guess.”

“Way to make it more depressing, Vanitas.”

“What, I thought you liked when I was honest.” Ven laughed at that, at least. He seemed okay. Vanitas seemed okay. Roxas felt okay, and Xion would be okay. They were all going to be okay, because Sora was okay. Whatever he was up to, Sora was doing just fine.

“Anyway, these days, I think we’re all sort of on the same page about something a _little_ happier. I’m pretty sure you guys feel the same way, and Xion too. Even with everything that happened and all the stuff that went wrong, you know…” Ven brought one hand up to hold on to Vanitas’s arm, as if to keep him in place. Maybe he just wanted to touch. Roxas couldn’t say what Ven wanted, or Vanitas, or Xion, or even himself. He wasn’t sure if it mattered, whether or not he understood. Roxas didn’t think he needed to get it, as long as it lived inside him. “I’m really just glad to have met you guys.”

 

Roxas kept it to himself. Pretending he was a little more exhausted than he really was, it was okay. He closed his eyes and drifted off with a hope clutched tight to his chest, and when he opened them again he said only one thing – the thing he should have said back then, the thing she should have heard a long, long time ago. Roxas opened his eyes and mouthed the words to say that they hadn’t been forgotten, and felt as if he’d been… redeemed.

“Huh!? Kairi, what’s wrong?”

“Sora, are you kidding me? What did you do, huh?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I didn’t do anything, Kairi just started crying!”

“No, it’s nothing like that! I… I’m not sure why, but for some reason I’m just so relieved. It’s like there was this weight I didn’t know was there, and it’s gone now.”

“A weight?”

“I don’t know, that’s just what it felt like. Hey, don’t look at me like that! I don’t need you two worrying like that. I’m fine, I’ve never felt better! Heehee, but I guess I _am_ a little flattered. Maybe you should go get me ice cream if you’re so worried!”

“Whaaat? But we’d have to go back to town! We just got here!”

“Come on Sora, you heard her! Get us some ice cream.”

“Not you too, Riku! Ahhh, fine! I get it, I get it! What kind do you want?”

“Hmm… you know, the kind those three ate together on the clock tower.”

“Who? You mean Hayner, Pence, and Olette back in Twilight Town?”

“I wonder… What was it? Sea salt ice cream. “I always wanted to be like that too!” That’s the feeling I got. So let’s have some!”

Even with those tears spilling down her pale cheeks, Naminé's smile had been indescribably beautiful.

Sora looked at Kairi and Naminé's lips moved, and Roxas felt that message etch itself into his heart.


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, some things are catching fire in this Ven chapter. Burning, you might say. Slowly. Also featuring Vanitas actually sucking at something, a sweet surprise, and squabbling. It's a shorter chapter, but not quite enough for me to post another today.
> 
> As always, thanks to the people who have commented since it's all I ask for!

“Ugh!” That wasn’t what he’d expected to wake up to. Vanitas was gone, had untangled himself from the blankets and gone off to do… something. To make something, more like. Eventually he would run out of nails to use, wouldn’t he? But it never seemed to happen. Vanitas and his dumb shelves reigned supreme.

Well, maybe that was fine.

Wandering out of the shack with bleary eyes, Ven saw Vanitas hurl something into the water and shove out six Monotruckers. The Mandrake next to him found its opportunity and jumped from the dock to flee across the sand, and Ven scooped it up before it could bury itself. With a heavy crease forming between his eyebrows, Ven carried the errant creature back to its creator and dumped it next to him. The other Unversed didn’t react to him, simply rumbling quietly and scowling.

Now knowing that he’d been seen throwing a mild tantrum, Vanitas was flushing. Beside him were several chunks of wood, all of them just a few inches longer than his hand, and a long strip of sandpaper. He’d been carving again, and that Vanitas really wasn’t much good at. Building was straightforward, putting things together in simple shapes. Carving was a much more creative practice. Having finally gotten too frustrated with the larger project, he’d decided on breaking all the wood down for something smaller… like an idiot.

Something smaller was just going to be harder, and Ventus wondered if Vanitas had realized that too late. Seeing him utterly fail at something he’d set out to do brought forth complex feelings – the relief that Vanitas wasn’t just automatically good at whatever craft he set his mind to warring with sympathy that he was genuinely having such a hard time with it. Surely he’d pick it up with time, exactly the way Ven had picked up so many things. He’d have to learn and practice, that was all.

They had time.

“So what was it?”

“Don’t,” Vanitas warned, as if expecting to be taunted. Raising his eyebrows, Ven rested his arms on the dock. With a sigh, Vanitas waved a hand at him as if to dismiss his moodiness. “It’s driftwood now. Forget it.”

“No way! I wanna know. You were trying to make it, so I wanna know.” The color that had started to fade from Vanitas’s cheeks was back. Red-faced and clearly reluctant, Vanitas looked at the chunks of wood next to him instead of meeting his eyes.

“Eating with our hands isn’t fine for everything.”

Unable to keep from snorting, Ventus reached out to prod the Mandrake’s cheek. It exhaled a puff of purple mist, something that would have made him sick a long time ago. Where they were, it did nothing but fill the air in a tiny cloud. “Sorry, you’re right. If we start making things that are messier it’s better to have something to eat with. So, what? You could make chopsticks pretty easy, I’d think. That’s not something to get frustrated over.”

For a moment Vanitas said nothing, and then his flush was gone in favor of an annoyed side-eye. “Ventus, you have to be joking.”

Considering that reaction, Ven ran through what he’d said in his head again. Nothing about it seemed odd. Chopsticks would be easy, easier than forks or spoons. They were just long sticks. Maybe he would have to teach Vanitas how to use them, because until he’d started living with Master Eraqus he hadn’t known how to…

“You don’t know what chopsticks are.”

“Bingo.” Well, he hadn’t known what they were either before going to the Land Of Departure. It was easy to forget about it, the fact that what Vanitas knew was inconsistent to say the least. Becoming an expert in their current environment – which Ventus couldn’t say they were, not even close – didn’t mean that Vanitas suddenly knew anything more about the outside world.

“Ah, jeez. They’re just long, thin sticks. Sort of tapered on the ends. You use two of them, you hold them in one hand and use them to pick up food.” Vanitas considered this for a moment, before reaching out to one of the blocks and promptly chopping it in half lengthwise. Then he did it thrice more, ending up with two pieces about half as wide as his finger.

“Behold,” he said sarcastically, and Ven put his face in his hands. He supposed it counted. If sanded down to get rid of splinters, they… genuinely would just be chopsticks. Short ones, but definitely functional. Ventus had known that it was simple, but the speed and lack of ceremony of it had made the whole thing rather lackluster. Vanitas had just chopped a bunch of wood into sticks and that was all there was to it.

“I mean… yeah, I _guess_ that counts. You were trying to make what then, spoons?” That seemed pretty simple too. Perhaps it was deceptive, though. Having never tried to carve anything himself, Ventus didn’t think he had much room to assume. Eventually he’d start doing it too, maybe. Making Wayfinders was relaxing, and having created something with his own two hands was a thing to be proud of.

Vanitas sullen silence told him that the answer was “forks” and that he’d bitten off more than he could chew with something so delicate.

“You should just do spoons,” Ven said critically, and Vanitas reached out to flick his nose. Swatting that hand away, Ventus seriously considered grabbing him by the ankle and yanking him off the dock. The consolation was that Vanitas knew concretely that he was right. He should have just made spoons.

Now they had a single pair of almost-chopsticks though, which was better than nothing.

“Thanks so much, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You’re welcome.” It hadn’t been genuine thanks, and neither was his response. Huffing, Vanitas got to his feet and vanished completely. The Mandrake, no longer under its master’s eye, immediately bolted again. That time, Ven ignored it. Vanitas owed him at least a _little_ warning. He had a lot of nerve vanishing like that when they were supposed to be supporting each other. Scooting around a Monotrucker, Ven considered the island before him. The place Vanitas tended to go when he wanted to sulk was the cove, and so Ven closed his eyes and thought of it.

Vanitas wasn’t there, to his annoyance. Somewhere else, then. The shack was a dead end, and so was the cave behind the waterfall. There weren’t many places where Vanitas could be hiding. The tunnel that led between the sides of the island, that was empty. The massive wooden structure beyond the tree – what _was_ that thing? Either way Vanitas wasn’t there, nor was he in the tree itself.

Finally, it occurred to him. Near the tower in the cove, there was a cave high on the wall just big enough for a person. Returning to existence at the top of that tower, Ven found Vanitas tucked away in that dark hollow and…

Undeniably, without a doubt, eating something.

“Vanitas.”

Even in the shadows within that crevice, he could clearly make Vanitas out. Without a shred of guilt in his expression, Vanitas met his eyes dully and put what Ventus was sure was a piece of chocolate in his mouth. Chewing, he replied. “Ventus.”

“You got upset and went to eat candy? Are you kidding me? And you were hiding it!”

Vanitas shrugged at him, clearly unabashed. He wanted to ask, “Where did you get chocolate?”, but there was only one way food reached the island. Even though Vanitas was the one typically stashing the crates away, they almost always went through the food together. The fact that he’d managed to hide it for so long was unbelievable. “I like it. Got a problem with that, Ventus?”

Chocolate. He hadn’t had chocolate in, certainly, years. Eyeing the little box sitting in front of Vanitas, Ven wondered how easy it would be to get his hands on some of it. Like he knew what was going through his head, Vanitas picked up the box again and closed the lid.

“It’s mine,” Vanitas said plainly, a glutton through and through.

“Is not. If it showed up here, it’s for both of us. So give me some of that!” Vanitas cared about him, he knew. It seemed that caring about him wasn’t enough to make Vanitas let go of his secret prize. Climbing up on the railing of the tower and crouching on it, Ventus knew it was blatantly obvious that he was about to leap from it to the hollow. The way that Vanitas was looking at him now, it felt like a dare.

Less than thirty seconds later they were tangled in a heap of limbs, a box of chocolates abandoned in a hollow in a rock wall and two bodies in the sand. Vanitas elbowed him in the face, and the sight of him flat on his back and totally indignant had him laughing. Then Vanitas’s legs were wrapping around his hips, firm muscle squeezing tight, and Ventus found nothing funny at all as his heart began to race unsteadily.

Paying no attention to his reaction at all, Vanitas tensed his stomach muscles and used his thighs to flip Ven over his head. He hit the wall upside-down with a thump, shaking his head to clear the shock from his mind as he slid down again. Now it was Ven who was flat on his back, his legs shoved up against the wall vertically as if sitting on it. Trying to calm his pounding pulse, Ventus could only blink in shock. Vanitas had tossed him as if he weighed nothing, those thick muscles catching him so fast that he hadn’t even been able to react properly.

In fact, he’d reacted entirely wrong.

“H… huh?”

Vanitas’s raucous laughter did nothing to help the heat in his cheeks. He’d sat up again after the throw, unfairly pleased with himself. In fact, the sight of Ven’s flustered face just seemed to make him happier. Ventus didn’t know if he liked that or not. “That’s a good look for you, Ventus!”

It wasn’t easy, but Ven managed to roll back to his feet. Vanitas was already past him, hopping back up to the hollow where his treats had been left. Ven’s hand lashed out immediately, closing around Vanitas’s leg to pull him back down. The undignified grunt that came out of him made it so, so worth it. Less fantastic was the fact that Vanitas disappeared from his sight and grip, totally gone. This time, Ven was sure where he’d gone – the best place to hide food was, of course, with all the other food. He’d bury it somewhere in one of the crates, and be a massive inconvenience if Ventus tried to root through them to find it.

Instead of a smug Vanitas and a dozen crates that all could have held his prize, what he found in the cave beyond the waterfall was Vanitas shoving a crate away from a wall with a puzzled expression. The box of chocolates sat on top of that crate, and though Ven knew it hadn’t been forgotten it was obvious that Vanitas had a new priority.

Behind the crate, Ven could see scribbles on the rock wall that could just be made out in the faint light that filtered in from above. There were scribbles all over the inside of the cave, of course. That wasn’t anything particularly new. He’d never taken a particularly close look at it all, but he’d known the drawings were there. Now, forming a light within his hands, he truly did look at what was on those walls. Scrawled monsters and castles, battles with dragons and knights, witches and pirates with treasure chests. All of it was what he’d expect a child to draw, because a child had drawn it. What had been tucked behind that crate, that was what Vanitas was looking at.

How long had it been there? They didn’t move the crates around particularly often, and it was the Unversed that typically stashed them away in the first place. It could have been weeks, months. Maybe it had been there from the start, in that dimly-lit cave. Vanitas crouched down in front of one of those scribbled drawings, and of course out of the two it would be that one that he looked at. Kneeling beside him, no longer caring about what had brought them there, Ventus simply examined those two childish pictures. The one Ven was looking at, he didn’t recognize at all. It was cute, in a way. Something that had been scratched into the rock, a drawing of a girl with a beaming smile. What Vanitas was now reaching out to touch was something a lot more significant.

When he turned his head to look at Vanitas as he ran his fingers across a drawing that looked so much like his own face, who Ven saw wasn’t Vanitas at all. No, the person kneeling there for just a moment and turning to look at him was someone else entirely. Wide blue eyes met his, though she wasn’t truly there. Wide blue eyes, and a beaming smile.

Just a little girl, who drew a picture of a boy’s face and vanished.

From the look in the yellow eyes that Ven could see once more, he knew that Vanitas had locked gazes with a memory as well.

“What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”

“Who knows,” Vanitas said, and what he reached out to touch was Ven’s cheek instead. “You’re gonna have to have some words with that kid someday. He keeps showing up where you’re supposed to be, and I’m not much of a fan of that. I’d rather be looking at you.”

Because his face was burning so hot, Ven didn’t even think to say it – didn’t think to say, “Tell him yourself.”


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, another chill chapter! This time for Xion, who definitely needs the break. Speaking of breaks, I might take one from posting. I've tried to keep the schedule pretty strictly, but sometimes I get bummed out and feel like pausing. Guess I'll let you guys know based on whether or not there's a chapter on Wednesday.
> 
> As always, the only thing I ask for is your thoughts.

What she woke up to that day was the sound of voices calling out to one another. Opening her eyes to find it day, Xion squinted and rubbed at her face. Where was she? The cave, alone in bed. The voices outside were, of course, Roxas, Ven, and Vanitas.

“That wasn’t very funny, you know!”

“Oh, and yet Roxas was laughing!”

“Roxas, don’t encourage him or he’ll just be more annoying! Vanitas, quit it! Get off!” Following that outburst came the unmistakable sound of Vanitas’s laughter. Xion swung her legs out over the bed to stand, finding her legs a little weak. She was tired for a reason, she slowly recalled. But even that slow realization warmed her heart and filled it with softness.

They really had been trying to help her, all three of them. She could take joy in that. Even Vanitas had been doing his best.

What she saw upon leaving the cave only made her smile wider. If Roxas had been laughing, it was with good reason. And indeed, Roxas had his hands pressed over his mouth as if trying to hold back a stream of giggles. He wasn’t flushing, didn’t have that embarrassed look on his face – he’d completely gone back to normal, it seemed. Ven was lying in the sand, pressed flat against it face-down and looking like he was seconds from punching his other half in the face.

He was unable to stand to do so, because Vanitas had him pinned under a mattress.

Feeling bad for Ven’s sake, Xion nonetheless couldn’t help her snickering. Two pairs of eyes locked onto her, a third doing its best from on the ground. Vanitas made no move to release Ven from his cushioned prison. He also made no move when Ven disappeared from under it to free himself, the sudden lack of him making the mattress hit the ground fully. Ven returned to existence as Roxas circled around the mattress to reach her, and he punched Vanitas’s arm hard enough to jolt his entire body.

“Xion, you’re feeling okay?” As Roxas asked it, Ven also turned to look at her in full. He was the only one to do so.

Vanitas had averted his gaze, and that was what kept Ven from smacking him again. Not ashamed of what he’d just done, Vanitas nonetheless didn’t meet her eyes. He _was_ ashamed of something, the same shame she’d seen written across his face too many times now. Apologizing for the Unversed that had lashed out at them, finally revealing the truth of an event now over a year past, it was the same shame now.

She’d made them all worry, hadn’t she? Doing something so stupid, Xion had made every single one of them feel terrible. How awful was she, to have done that to them? But no, that wasn’t right. Xion couldn’t let herself feel that way, even if a part of her still screamed those words.

“I’m fine,” she said, both for her own sake and for theirs. Vanitas hunched his shoulders a little, looking down in a way that held a hint of exasperation that Xion wasn’t sure was genuine. He was trying to save face, probably. What he was ashamed of was what had happened before she had fallen asleep. What was with him was what she now knew was called a Thornbite, his guilt shunted out and given shape. “I’m not-”

“I’m sorry.” Ven was nodding, as if he’d expected the words to drop from Vanitas’s lips. Xion had been expecting it as well, but not so quickly and not in the circumstances they were in. It seemed that Vanitas just didn’t want to wait to say it, no matter who he said it in front of. “I was thoughtless, let my emotions take over. Been messing up a lot with that lately, I guess. I was trying to keep you from doing something that would hurt you. That doesn’t change the fact that _I_ hurt you in the process. I’m sorry. It was a mistake, and I made you suffer by making it.”

“It’s… not like you did it on purpose. I know that. I, you know, I wish you hadn’t, but…”

“Good intentions don’t always work out for the best,” Ven said, scratching the back of his head. Both Roxas and Vanitas nodded at that, Vanitas a little more subtly. Xion wasn’t sure that it really applied to what had happened. Vanitas’s good intentions _had_ worked out, just in a painfully harsh way.

He really could have been nicer about it, and that was frustrating to think of. Being blunt and unrelenting had forced her to confront reality, at least. Still, if Ven and Roxas hadn’t come to build back up what Vanitas had knocked down Xion didn’t think she would have been okay.

Maybe that meant it hadn’t worked out for the best, because what Vanitas had said to her could have easily been enough to tear her apart for good.

“I guess not,” Xion replied slowly, unsure of both whether or not it had been for the best and her own feelings on it. Things were so complicated sometimes. The more she lived, the more true that became. It was complicated for all of them. Maybe it was even complicated for Sora. It had certainly been complicated for Axel, for Riku, for Naminé.

Xion wondered if Roxas could still feel her presence, if it was a comfort to him to know she was nearby. Even if it was a borrowed feeling – another thing that was so, so complicated – it was still real. She wondered when the last time they had been close was. They happened in his dreams he’d told her, the moments they could meet. She didn’t have that, any of it.

If things had been different, she wished she could have been Naminé's friend. She wished everyone could have been friends. There was no point in that. Things had been what they were, and no fervent wishing could change that. The past was the past. Telling herself that, Xion still wished for it and held on to her regrets. Being able to let them go… maybe some day that would happen.

For now all she could do was live, she supposed.

Way too belatedly, having been lost in her own thoughts as the others simply stared at her in an awkward silence, Xion actually comprehended the situation. What Vanitas was sitting on, had squashed Ven flat beneath, was a mattress. Her days of rolling out of bed were over. Even if Vanitas hadn’t finished the frame, one of them could at the very least sleep on it laid on the ground.

“That’s not going to fit in the cave, is it.” One bed was fine, but two… it wasn’t really going to work out. Looking defeated, Ven nodded. Xion didn’t really need the confirmation, because it had been obvious. “Uh… I never really thought about that, but where…”

“I mean, the only real place to put it is the shack. Everything else is kind of full up, there’s nowhere else with walls. If the weather gets bad, you guys would just get soaked. Me and Vanitas talked about it, there’s just no other place for it.” It really was the only option, because Xion didn’t think it was a good idea for either her or Roxas to go into the secret place. Agreeing to the shack was an easy out to avoid trying to explain that, because it was just such a vague feeling. Ven and Vanitas obviously didn’t feel the same way, didn’t have that sense of it as a special place that belonged to Sora and his friends. That was for the best, because space really was limited on the island that existed within Sora’s heart. If they all had hangups about using that space, it just would have gotten more cramped. “We have some rearranging to do all over the place, so the timing’s good I guess. I figure in a few days everything will be ready, so we have a little time before we should start.”

“Huh? What other rearranging?” Roxas got the question out before her, and Ven glanced at Vanitas before sitting down next to him on the mattress. Without missing a beat, Vanitas settled an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in a little closer. It wasn’t really a motion with much thought, and neither was Ven’s response of curling his own arm around Vanitas’s middle. Xion wouldn’t have known he’d done it if not for the sudden appearance of a hand at Vanitas’s waist that didn’t belong to him. She couldn’t call it anything but a sideways hug, but that didn’t feel quite right even if it was technically true. Almost automatically, they’d simply wrapped their arms around one another. Having clearly thought over his words, Ven finally answered.

“We have to figure out where to put _all_ the stuff Vanitas made recently, you know? You guys haven’t seen some of it.” The things Vanitas had made were in a cave that they didn’t set foot in, of course. Ven might not have known exactly what their hangups about the secret place were, but he definitely understood that they existed to keep both herself and Roxas from entering. “That stuff’s almost done, right?”

“Basically. I’ve got all the legs cut and leveled, I just gotta get the last ones in place and make sure everything’s balanced. Really set myself back breaking all that stuff, if that hadn’t happened I would have been done already.” Bobbing his head a little as he paused, Vanitas seemed to roll a thought around in his mind. “That shouldn’t be a problem anymore. I won’t let it be. I’m back to being conscious of myself, at least. My control floundered, so… gotta make more of an effort to make them and keep things in check.”

“Them” probably meant the Unversed, but the other things Vanitas was talking about were a mystery. “Legs for what, though?”

“Some chairs. Got a table in the works too, but… eh.” It seemed Vanitas wasn’t particularly pleased with that one. “Figured I’d make some things to throw on that… whatever the structure is on the other side of the island.”

“I never knew what to call that. Since it didn’t have anything on it, we just never went there. I’m not really familiar with ocean stuff, so I don’t know if it’s called something. It’s almost like the remains a ship, isn’t it? But it’s not.”

“No, it’s a…” Roxas paused, furrowing his brow. Ven and Vanitas, waiting on an explanation, said nothing at all. What was it? A wooden structure that connected two trees, almost like a deck. Was it a deck? Ven wasn’t wrong that it sort of looked like part of a ship, but the specific part was, of course, the deck. “I… don’t know what it is.”

“A deck, right? It’s sort of a deck, isn’t it…” That got her a chorus of nods, because it really was the only thing they could call it. Even if there was some other name for what it was, it seemed it would just be called a deck now. “A deck, then.”

“Sure.” It was good enough, she supposed. Vanitas seemed to be more interested in playing with the collar of Ven’s shirt than figuring out what to call that structure. Xion wasn’t sure if Ven was really aware of it, but if he was he didn’t mind it. Despite the business with the mattress mere minutes before, they were once again acting normally… mostly. “Either way, it’s space to be filled. This heart’s a little fuller than it used to be, so it’s time to utilize that space. Most of the shelves are going in the cave by the waterfall, I’m combining some of them into a single unit. Everything else in that’s in progress is going out on that deck. Well, almost everything.”

“Can’t believe you got that to work,” Ven mumbled, and Vanitas’s arm around his shoulders tightened as he laughed. Flushing, Ven nevertheless leaned in closer. Now that she and Roxas knew the truth of what had happened a year before, it really seemed like the pair was less hesitant to show more physical affection. Still, it didn’t quite match up with Ven’s words and tone. “Don’t be so proud, you were just lucky!”

“You’re the one who gave me the idea, Ventus.” Not elaborating on what that idea was, Vanitas instead simply ceded Ven’s point. “It’s not wrong though. I’ll have to give it another pass, make a different one now that I have the basics down. For right now what I have’s at least sufficient. It’s mobile and I can shove supports in once it’s in place.”

“Would one of you please tell me what “it” is?” Roxas wasn’t interested in trying to decipher what they were talking about by context. It wasn’t like she could blame him. She had a feeling she knew what “it” was, but Roxas hadn’t been around to hear that. “You always do this, you know!”

Vanitas’s bark of laughter had Roxas reddening, but it didn’t feel like the same kind of nervous embarrassment he’d been drowning in for weeks. That really was over then, leaving Xion with no more knowledge than before. Roxas himself surely hadn’t understood either, and she didn’t think Vanitas had ever noticed it. From the look she’d seen in Ven’s eyes… Xion didn’t want to ask what it had been, because though it had been brief it had brought something out in Ven that was truly unnerving. Though he merely snickered now at Vanitas’s side, for those split seconds he had seemed to be someone else entirely, someone filled with unpleasant thoughts.

All of that was gone, and so it would have to be good enough. Finally, Vanitas’s laughter petered out and he actually answered the question.

“It’s a door for our room,” he drawled, looking pleased with himself once more. He wasn’t the only one satisfied by it, based on Ven’s almost jovial expression. The idea hadn’t even occurred to her that it could have been for that, their room. A door for their room, because… both of them wanted privacy. It made her feel both stupid and self-centered. How many times had she and Roxas just showed up in Ven and Vanitas’s doorway with no warning? They’d done a good job of disrupting the life that the pair had been living within Sora’s heart, probably.

Considering the response he’d received, Roxas merely frowned as the color left his cheeks. “Really? Then… why didn’t you just move into the shack? It already has a door.”

“Ventus wanted to be in the tree. Kept waking up in the dark when we were sleeping in the shack, even when the sun was up. Hope one of you two doesn’t care about a dark room, because you’re getting one. I don’t much mind it, never did, but Ventus is another matter. At first it was just easier to be in the shack since it was simple to get to, he dropped like a fly constantly. Usually on the beach. I kept having to drag him further up when the tide came in.”

“What!?” Astonished, Ven elbowed Vanitas in the side. He was blushing, but Xion had no idea whether he was pleased or not. “You never told me you did that! I thought I was just… Why did I think that? That’s so stupid. I thought I was doing it myself and couldn’t remember because I wasn’t actually awake.”

“I mean… to give you some credit, I don’t know why I started doing that in the first place. I still hated you with everything I had the first time I yanked you out of the water. Guess I just thought it would be a pain if you got pulled into the ocean while you were passed out, since you’d wake up eventually and I’d have to feel you freaking out.” Snorting, Vanitas rested his cheek against the top of Ven’s head and smashed his hair down. The remnants of his mask that he still wore had to be uncomfortable, and Ven scrunched his nose up immediately. “You seriously thought you were crawling around? In that state? Please, you slept like a log. If you got absolutely soaked you wouldn’t have woken up, you were going from vaguely drowsy to completely out in five seconds flat.”

“Thanks a lot, Vanitas!”

“You’re welcome, Ventus.” If he’d been able to, Xion was sure Ven would have kicked Vanitas in the shin over that. Instead, Vanitas simply caught another hard elbow to the ribs and laughed. “Man, you really never stop surprising me. I think I like things better that way.”

“Sure, whatever. Anyway, the shack! I couldn’t just leave the door open, because then sand would get everywhere. We actually stayed in the shack all the way until, you know.” They all knew, and so no one said more. “I’d wanted to move for a while, but as it turned out, uh… Vanitas moved a lot of the stuff without me. Some of it was when we were talking, before Roxas got here. Some before you got here, Xion.” The time that Vanitas had spent off on his own, while Ven had been talking to her, he’d been doing that. It answered a question Xion had forgotten about entirely.

“I didn’t feel like sleeping in the shack.” Though those were the words Vanitas spoke, it seemed everyone heard what he truly meant by them. She didn’t want to think about it. Of course Vanitas hadn’t wanted to be there, in the place he’d shared with Ven that was suddenly so empty. Maybe the entire island had been that way to Vanitas, and she wanted to think about that even less. “Eventually I moved basically everything that had been in there. It was something to do besides staying in bed all day, I guess. No crates to break down, either. I didn’t want anything that could come in one. Sora’s heart didn’t send me what I wanted. It couldn’t.”

“Sorry,” Roxas said quietly, and Xion suddenly understood what Vanitas had actually meant.

“You didn’t know. I don’t think anyone did. Either way, it’s over and done with,” Ven said, and though it was clearly an attempt to lighten the mood, he was right. It was over and done with, and so they’d move on from it. If they didn’t keep going, if they stopped, it would probably just get harder to start up again. “We’ve got a lot of stuff to move, you know! Vanitas is gonna stack some of the shelves into taller ones to save floor space, so we’re gonna collect some of those. Roxas, I figured you’d stay in the cave. We mightbe able to squeeze two beds in the shack if you really want, but it’d be pretty rough. Two beds barely fit in our room, Vanitas had them both shoved in there for a while. Sharing a little room or a cave with two beds is pretty tough. Maybe if Vanitas made us a whole house-”

“Fat chance,” Vanitas said, but she wouldn’t have been surprised if one day he changed his mind.

“Well it _would_ be something to do. Either way, we don’t have that kind of option. So unless you don’t wanna split up it just seems best to do it that way.”

“Why Roxas?” Ven looked at her with an odd expression when she spoke, making Xion wonder if there was something obvious that she had missed. When she glanced at the others, it was to see both of them seeming just as lost albeit in different ways. Roxas was a lot more blatant, whereas Vanitas seemed to be faintly frustrated as well as confused. Clearly it wasn’t enough to warrant an Unversed, since none appeared. “I could stay in the cave.”

“W… well, you’re a girl.”

“ _Really?_ A girl? I never noticed.” Vanitas’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, enough to make Ven blush and shoot him a nasty look. “What other things are you going to enlighten me about? Is Naminé a girl too? Don’t tell me Roxas is a boy. Oh no Ventus, are you going to tell me _you’re_ a boy? I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“Knock it off, you know what I mean!” The complete silence that followed Ven’s outburst made him reconsider it entirely. From the blank expressions she was seeing, none of them knew what he meant. Looking nervous and suddenly unsure, Ven opened his mouth to explain and only made things more baffling. “There’s more privacy in the shack, it has a door.”

“Okay,” Xion said slowly, continuing to not understand. “But what does that have to do with being a girl?”

“Well…” Ven, seeming more and more frazzled at being put on the spot over something he’d expected them all to understand, glanced between all of them helplessly. The more time passed, the more certain she was that Ven didn’t know why he’d felt that way. He didn’t have an explanation in the slightest. “It’s… uh…”

“No correlation,” Vanitas drawled, and Ven seemed to give up entirely. He put his head in his hands, leaving Vanitas to continue. “Whatever. Guess you two get to decide. I’ll get the new mattress dried out, but it’s gonna take a while. First we have to dunk it under the waterfall or else it’s gonna reek of seaweed, and that’s gonna soak it pretty well. Cooking the water off again is time-consuming. It’ll probably be about two days altogether, but I do need to sleep. I’m not gonna stay up all night just to bake a mattress, so try four days minimum. Sorry, I won’t do a rush job. Not sure if I can scorch it, but I’m not interested in finding out. I’ve burned plenty of our food over the years, and it took long enough for this to show up in the first place.”

“Right, don’t ruin it for them.” Ven was leaning against Vanitas again, and in fact they seemed to be almost aggressively resting their bodies on one another. It was truly a vitriolic relationship they’d held, one she thought she was finally coming to know the name of, but Xion nonetheless thought it was something that had to be wonderful. Having seen the Vanitas of the past who had howled in agony, having seen him collapse in tears on arms that could no longer hold him up, having seen him bitter and foul… The only thing Xion could feel, looking at that dysfunctional but happy pair, was glad. If Vanitas had found such a profound happiness that it had freed him from the crushing weight of that despair, maybe even she…

“Like I would!”

The thing that Vanitas had wanted Sora’s heart to send turned to face him, and smiled.


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, short-ish chapter again. However it's some primo content for the people who came here for Ven and Vanitas, as well as the reappearance of something very insistent. We're starting to enter endgame for some boys and their feelings... and Vanitas is taking some serious steps to becoming the skillful housewife that Roxas and Xion met.
> 
> I wanted to let you guys know in advance that there will be no chapter on Friday! It'll come Sunday instead.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who commented on the latest chapter, you're the only reason this one's here today.

“If we’re going to be cooking this much, I wish we had some seasonings.” It was something that Vanitas, midway through cracking an egg into a Red Hot Chili, paused at. Of course he would, though. Vanitas hadn’t known anything about cooking, right down to the most basic need to wash rice. They’d argued about it for at least ten minutes, but Ventus had eventually won that debate via the sheer fact that he at least knew _something_ about meal preparation. It was entirely possible that Vanitas didn’t know what seasonings were at all.

“Are those really necessary?” Luckily, Ven wasn’t going to have to explain that. He wasn’t sure how he even would. He also wasn’t sure how to explain to Vanitas that what they were eating was incredibly bland. Cooking was… becoming easier, at least. They’d finally managed to make rice, after a painful string of burnt failures. Eggs were simple and took no effort. Figuring out how to prepare and cook meat was the new trial-and-error, though they were lucky in that it didn’t seem they could become ill from eating their unskilled work. It just tasted bad if they messed up. That and the fact that Ven regularly had to pull Vanitas away from his makeshift oven were the only real downsides to experimenting with the food they’d been given. More and more of it _needed_ to be cooked, so they had to start figuring it out eventually. At least eggs were easy. Rice, eggs, and fish – that was what they were good at. Fish was more of a challenge than the other two, admittedly.

At least when they messed up, there was still a hearty stock of things that didn’t need to be cooked at all. Bread, cheese, fruits and vegetables that could be eaten raw. Every burnt cut of meat could be replaced by something else, and next time they’d hopefully do a little better.

“Of course they are! Eggs without even salt and pepper are so boring, Vanitas.” Vanitas might be picky about that kind of thing, having never been exposed to anything even mildly… Prize Pods had been full of foods that were packed with flavor, and he had never thought about that, and it was incredibly unsettling and wildly embarrassing to realize he’d been eating things made from Vanitas. Shoving that aside as quickly as possible, Ven focused on the contents and not the source. His thought that something with a strong taste would be too much for Vanitas, maybe that was totally wrong. There had even been hot peppers in those things. Then again, what had come out of them had almost overwhelmingly had one thing in common. Those hidden chocolates…

Was it possible that Vanitas had, unbeknownst even to himself, a serious sweet tooth?

Ven was absolutely, positively, not going to ask Vanitas to make a Prize Pod so that they could eat what it made.

“Salt,” Vanitas said flatly, before looking directly past him to the sea. It wasn’t something he would have thought of himself, Ventus had to admit. It also wasn’t something he was sure was feasible. In theory, though, it was entirely possible with what they had at their disposal.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he said anyway, raising his eyebrows as high as he possibly could. Vanitas shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “How long would _that_ take?”

Seriously considering it, Vanitas frowned. Ven wasn’t sure if it was possible to burn salt, and Vanitas definitely wasn’t either. He didn’t _think_ it could be done, but he’d been wrong before.

He’d been wrong about an awful lot of things, really.

“Probably a while,” Vanitas said finally, still looking out at the ocean instead of meeting his eyes. Knowing how seriously Vanitas was taking the prospect of learning to cook and how stubborn he was about it, Ven was completely certain he was going to try it. “What else is there, honestly?”

“That’s fair.” It wasn’t like Vanitas could just whip up something else, because there was no way he could ever put anything created from an Unversed into his mouth ever again. The fact that he’d done it in the first place was, in retrospect, unbelievably messed up. It could have been poisonous, even if it had mostly been things that looked like fruit and candy. There had even been cake.

Vanitas had made an Unversed that created cake, and that Unversed only existed because he loved Terra. It was one of the strangest thoughts he had ever had in his entire life, and it was even stranger that it was entirely true. Terra didn’t even like cake, but Ven was confident that Vanitas didn’t know that Terra wasn’t fond of sweets. The things that Aqua baked, Terra never ate more than a few bites.

He’d give so much to taste that sweetness again, the food that Aqua made with love. He’d give so much, to have them back. The Wayfinder in his pocket still carried the full weight of his feelings.

“I’ll figure it out later.” It was what he’d expected, because Vanitas had already dropped at least three eggs into an Unversed and it was already hot. The chopsticks were getting some use for things like that, sanded down and evened out and primarily serving as a mixing tool. Once they had spoons, there was little reason to use anything else. A spoon, though they weren’t particularly deep and were in fact fairly flat, was definitely the easiest utensil they could possibly have. Vanitas had set two blocks of wood aside and was chipping into them, intent on turning them into cups so that they didn’t have to drink from their hands. If it had been Terra, they probably would have been done already. Terra was so skillful at that kind of thing. Vanitas still had a long way to go.

If they’d had just salt already, the eggs Vanitas was scrambling would have tasted much, much better. Even so, it wasn’t bad. The food was okay the way it was, and the company was…

He couldn’t help the way the thought sometimes tried to creep into his mind, what it felt like to be there with Vanitas in that moment. Maybe if he felt it too strongly, it would leak into Vanitas. Ventus wasn’t sure that he could handle that. There were things that he wanted, but whether or not he could admit them Ven didn’t know. More than anything, he wanted Vanitas to ask for those things himself to spare him having to do it.

And he wished Vanitas would make it, a Versed he’d only seen and felt once. Ven found himself hoping for more and more of them to appear. Having that specific one in mind, Ven couldn’t help finding it so awkward. Vanitas had never spoken of that desire, and if he still felt it Ventus had no idea.

Somehow he couldn’t help his heart from sinking low inside himself at the thought that perhaps that emotion no longer lived inside Vanitas, not strongly enough for him to need or want to give it shape.

“Ventus, wake up. It’s not that early, don’t zone out on me.” Vanitas’s tone and expression, they just didn’t match his words. He could already tell that the other boy was actually quite pleased with himself, and it didn’t even feel smug.

“Oh, please! Who’s the one who wants to keep sleeping way, way past the sun coming up?” Still, the sight of Vanitas blinking owlishly in the sunlight when he opened the door on him was quickly becoming a highlight of his day. “What’s with that, huh? You used to be getting up in the middle of the night to make stuff, and now you’re pulling blankets over your head and groaning at me.”

“I’ve become a lazy bum,” Vanitas said happily, giving the eggs a good stir. The words made Ven frown, and the way Vanitas’s cheeks dimpled as he smiled only highlighted that it wasn’t an act. “What, you think I can’t enjoy sleeping? I’m finally choosing to do it.”

Ventus couldn’t disagree with that. In a way, it was like Vanitas was making up for lost time. Indulging in eating and sleeping, it probably was just turning him into a lazy glutton. Still, it wasn’t as if Vanitas was tearing through their food supply and napping all day. He was just, finally… truly enjoying his life.

 _“For once I actually like my life_ _,”_ Vanitas had said, having snuck away in the night to plead with an Unversed that Ventus still didn’t understand. Even if the way Vanitas had said it had somehow crushed him to hear, the words themselves were something wonderful. The way things were, the two of them, Vanitas was happy. They were both happy to have each other.

That Unversed… Ven knew now with certainty it was no longer plaguing its creator. He still didn’t know how to bring it up. Maybe one day, Vanitas would tell him what it was. Maybe he would take the secret to his grave. Hopefully, they had become people who could tell each other what was important.

Telling Vanitas what was important. Chewing on his lower lip, Ventus instead directed his attention to an Unversed full of food. Once he figured out what was truly important, then he could figure out how to convey it.

How long might that take?

What flickered in Vanitas’s eyes as they met his made his stomach flip. His grin was always so lopsided, a smile that belonged only to him. With his chest in a vice, Ventus couldn’t tear his gaze away even as Vanitas’s expression grew somehow harder to look at. It wasn’t as if Vanitas was angry or sad, rather the opposite. And still, it was nerve-wracking.

Vanitas handed him a “plate” of eggs, and what formed at his feet was exactly what Ven had wanted to see. It padded over to him intently, as if locking onto him like Vanitas’s gaze and seeking him out immediately. As that cloud-like cat rubbed against his leg, Vanitas snorted in amusement.

“That’s not mine,” he said, and for a moment Ventus had no idea what that meant. A gentle but insistent desire was flowing into him from where that Versed was touching him, and Ven looked down at it in confusion. Of course it was Vanitas’s. He’d made it. “You don’t get it, huh. It’s not my emotion. It’s yours. Seems you can’t keep it to yourself.”

Beet red, Ven shoved a spoonful of eggs in his mouth and sat down. His emotions had leaked into Vanitas’s heart, strongly enough that his excess had been able to be shaped. Was Vanitas only feeling it because it came from him? Or was it, possibly, that what his heart had passed on had simply added on to Vanitas enough for it to be given form?

Hoping it was the latter with everything he had, Ventus patted a cat on the head and ate his eggs. His feelings transferring over, it made him delightfully queasy. If Vanitas had known he’d wanted it to appear and made it as a result, that would have been really…

“Isn’t it weird, though?”

Sitting down beside him, Vanitas raised an eyebrow as if to ask, “What’s that supposed to mean?” Pursuing his lips, Ventus took some time to consider how to phrase what he wanted to say.

“My feelings, I mean. That… that didn’t work the way it works for you.” The cat was climbing into his lap now, purring uncontrollably as it tried to push his plate out of the way to make room for itself. The feeling that made it up was just spilling into him now, and Ven curled his toes in his boots. It was strong, that feeling. Eager to act on it, Ventus instead considered how it flowed into him.

There was simply no way all of it had come from him.

“That’s a little vague,” Vanitas informed him, and it wasn’t entirely wrong. Reaching out to scratch his creation under the chin, Vanitas’s demeanor shifted just barely as soon as he touched it and those feelings rushed back into him. Even knowing that they both wanted to do the same thing in that moment, Ventus couldn’t move. It was too embarrassing just to admit to it, much less act.

“I… I mean, my feelings didn’t change when you made that. It didn’t empty anything out of me. Why’s that?”

“Hm. Sorry, that never occurred to me. I say “transfer” all the time, but it’s not as if I’ve ever _taken_ your emotions from you. Rather than them moving from you to me, my heart responds by feeling the same thing. Like it’s been copied, but that’s not the only way you impact my feelings. You… spark emotions inside my heart. Because of you, I feel so many things that, that I would never have felt alone.” He was hearing something that wasn’t truly there, Ven was sure. In Vanitas’s words he was just hearing what he wanted to hear, taking a meaning that couldn’t actually be what Vanitas intended. What he wanted to hear was… Ventus looked at his food and didn’t meet Vanitas’s eyes, pushing those feelings away and hoping they would and wouldn’t reach. Longing for an answer, he was filled with so many emotions that were all tangled up.

If Vanitas only felt it because he felt it, that wouldn’t be right.

Troubled by what he wouldn’t truly allow to surface in his mind, Ven took some solace in the fact that what was curled up in his lap had come from both of them. Soft paws began to knead his thigh, giving him the distinct impression that the cat wasn’t going to leave him to demand attention from Vanitas. No, it was for him and it wanted him. If it was just his feelings, it would have targeted Vanitas instead. There was no way around that. Ven let it lighten his heart.

What could he call it, the feeling that had padded over to him and made itself at home? Nothing that could be summed up in a single word. A desire for the warmth of another person beside him, a desire for closeness, a desire for…

Vanitas leaned against him, shoulder to shoulder, and Ven didn’t really care about anything else.

A few weeks later a crate of spices washed up on shore, scant days after Vanitas had managed to evaporate enough seawater to collect a pinch of its salt.


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we're back to our regular schedule now! I'm pretty excited for you all to read this chapter, since it's chock-full of content. It's also a very concrete statement of where Ven and Vanitas are in the timeline of the series.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented, as always! I hope you guys enjoy this one.

“How many of those are you going to make?” Ven looked up from his work, grinning at the sight of Vanitas lit by the setting sun. Though he had his hands in his pockets in a way that should have been nonchalant, Vanitas was genuinely curious. It was the seventh charm he’d made, each of the ones he’d already completed sitting proudly on the shelf. They were getting some real use out of it now, even if Ven couldn’t say the same about the bed. Neither of them had touched it, and that made him truly feel like they’d made some silent stubbornness pact. He wanted to sleep in a bed, that much was true. But Ventus wasn’t going to give in, and neither was Vanitas. Either they both had space in a bed, or they’d both sleep on the ground. Vanitas had accepted that. He was working hard on it, a second bed. No mattress had arrived.

Vanitas had almost shot himself in the foot the previous day, his attention diverted in the middle of preparing shells. Ventus had laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe.

“As many as I can, I guess. Since, you know, there’s not a whole lot else to do. I mean, cooking, sure.” Cooking really was getting easier, especially with spices. He’d caught Vanitas at it, gathering more seawater with a scrunched-up frown. “I told you what these mean to me, so…”

A connection. That was what they were – an unbreakable connection to the people who mattered. He’d use all the shells he had, with only one exception. Ven could have used that first shell, the one that had been pierced through long before the others, but the hole it bore was in the middle of the shell and not where it needed to be to make it into a Wayfinder. Ventus thought that was okay. He could keep it as a different kind of reminder. A reminder of a day where something had changed.

“You think it’ll do something? Optimistic, Ventus.” Despite the words, the way Vanitas said them was cheerful. He seemed pleased by it, or just in general. Ven was really starting to treasure those moments, when Vanitas was so obviously happy. “At least it’s something simple enough that you can manage it.”

“Hey!” Ven was sure that if he was really upset about it, if he seriously told Vanitas to quit it, the other boy would stop saying things like that. He didn’t plan on doing it. The words had no bite to them, weren’t spoken out of malice or anger. For whatever reason, Ventus didn’t mind them at all. It gave him the opportunity to quarrel in such a tame way. He liked that, messing around with Vanitas, ribbing each other. “We can’t all be carpenters, Vanitas!”

Laughing under his breath, Vanitas sat on the beach beside him. It wasn’t close enough that Vanitas was invading his personal space, but Ventus felt his heart stirring in some uneasy way nonetheless. Vanitas really did make him feel funny. He would have to be careful with those feelings, Ven thought.

There was something a little mischievous in Vanitas’s eyes. Frowning in suspicion, Ventus considered that he might be in the water in a few seconds and set his work down. It wasn’t likely, of course. Vanitas didn’t dump him in the ocean unprompted, there was always something to trigger those moments.

“Ventus, tell me something.” Ven’s frown eased a little, more curious than wary. Vanitas was pulling one knee up to his chest, lacing his fingers together around it. His body language was totally relaxed, Ventus noted. A long time ago Vanitas had always been so tense, wound up and angry. When had that changed? “If you could feel what I felt the way I feel your emotions, would you want to?”

Ven didn’t know how to reply to that. He wasn’t sure why Vanitas was saying it, if it meant something. “Uh… are you getting at something?”

“No. It’s merely hypothetical. I can think of a way that might make it happen, sure. Not gonna, it’s no good. I’m not even sure it’s possible, not with the way we are and where we are. But if you could, would you want that?”

“I… don’t know,” Ven started slowly, seriously considering that question. If the flow of feelings between them went both ways, would that have been good or bad? The insight it would give him into Vanitas, who he was and what he wanted and what he cared about, was sorely tempting. But Ventus had enough trouble with just his own emotions. “I like understanding what you’re feeling. I guess it depends. If it was exactly the way it works for you, I think I’d be okay with that. You know, sometimes it really feels awful! You know how I feel, but I don’t know how you feel unless you show it. I’m a little jealous of that. But my feelings can be a pain, can’t they? So sometimes, I actually wish I could make it so that you don’t have to share them.”

“Doesn’t really answer the question, Ventus.” Vanitas had grown a little more subdued from his reply, and Ven could only look at that for a moment. He didn’t know if Vanitas was pleased or not. But Vanitas was right. It wasn’t a concrete “yes” or “no”. Ven wasn’t sure that he had an answer like that.

“Well… I think it would only be fair. I’d be okay with it.” That still wasn’t an answer, and both of them knew it. From his lack of comment, it seemed like Vanitas was realizing he didn’t have one to offer. Sharing Vanitas’s emotions… did Ven want that? He just didn’t know, and so neither did Vanitas. The way Vanitas felt his emotions was just something that existed, for better or for worse. “Can I ask you something?”

“Just did.” The quip, or perhaps the way Ven sighed in response, had Vanitas back in high spirits. He almost wanted to pick Vanitas up and throw _him_ into the ocean for being obnoxious, but that seemed a little dangerous. Instead Ventus picked up his half-finished Wayfinder in order to start working again and asked his question.

“Do you know why we can’t summon our Keyblades in here?”

Vanitas looked up at the orange sky, his brow creasing as he thought. After a few seconds, energy was shrouding him and a Tank Toppler was taking bouncing shape on the beach. Pursing his lips and leaning forward, Ven reached out and touched a bruised ego. Though Vanitas hadn’t said anything with words, it was obvious that he didn’t know.

The Tank Toppler inflated, a deep red heat filling it, and Ven yanked his hand away. It wasn’t like the thing was trying to hurt him, so even if it exploded he wouldn’t feel any pain. But there were too many memories in his heart of those things blowing up in his face. Now that he knew what they were, that made some sense. Exploding in irritation after having his pride wounded… that was the kind of feeling that comprised that Unversed.

“I have guesses,” Vanitas said, reluctant stubbornness filling his voice. His cheeks were pink, a clear declaration that he was flustered to be understood. Behind Vanitas, Ven thought he could see a sliver of a white shell that held that embarrassment. “Which would you prefer, most plausible or least plausible?”

“Hm… give me the weirdest one first.”

“Weirdest, huh. That one’s probably, “We are summoning them”. Or, you are.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to…” Ventus trailed off as his mind pieced it together, knowing the face he made as he thought looked stupid. If he was summoning his Keyblade but didn’t have it, it meant it had gone somewhere else. “I don’t get it.”

“Potentially, every time you’ve tried to call on your Keyblade while in this place, it did manifest. But it didn’t manifest _here_. It’s just vaguely possible that your Keyblade responded in reality to your heart calling for it, and the place it appeared was-”

“Outside.” The way he’d always summoned his Keyblade, perhaps it was incompatible with his reality as a heart alone. Considering it for a long moment, Ven could only hope that Terra and Aqua hadn’t been startled senseless by his Keyblade appearing in the hand of his unconscious body. That was what Vanitas was getting at, but Ventus didn’t want it to be the truth.

Vanitas had no hands for a Keyblade to appear in, of course.

“Correct. Probably the least likely one, admittedly. Either it would be showing up with your body, which is even less plausible given that your heart is only tenuously linked to it, or it would be appearing in the hand of the body your heart _currently_ resides within.” Vanitas paused for a long moment, before snorting in amusement. “Hope that didn’t happen, probably wouldn’t be easy for that kid to understand or explain. If he even knows what a Keyblade is, I’d be concerned. Then again, if he’s able to defend himself that’s probably better. Our hearts are on the line too if his is. If he had a Keyblade of his own, maybe it would be able to appear in his heart. Anyway, take it with a grain of salt. I really don’t think that’s happening, but part of the logic behind that is probably accurate. My best guess is they’re not showing up in here because only memories can exist tangibly in here, and we’re not calling for a memory. We’re calling for the real thing, and we can’t get that in here. If you managed to get a layer up, onto the surface of his heart the way we were when we fought, you might be able to use it. Here, no. In all likelihood, we were only able to use them because were were within what our hearts recognized as our body. Add onto that the fact that our hearts are asleep and contained within someone else’s heart and we have a very muddled picture. Right now, I’d say unless you were in close proximity to your body, it might be impossible for your Keyblade to manifest _anywhere_. The other option is also pretty plausible, at least… When was the last time you tried to summon your Keyblade, Ventus?”

“Huh? Uh…” The passage of time in those early days was still incredibly unclear, of course. It had to have been years, but Ven just couldn’t say how many. Nowadays he slept at night and woke in what seemed like the early afternoon – and wished that he could see the sunlight to wake in the morning – and no longer than that, but he really did get the feeling that at the start he’d been sleeping for weeks at a time. Vanitas had woken up long before him, Ventus thought. All alone, for days or weeks or even months. The thought made him cold. Vanitas had been alone far too much in the short existence he’d lived, and Vanitas… had asked him a question. “Oh. Years, I think.”

“Try it.”

There was no harm in that, Ven supposed. Having a Keyblade would do him little good, of course. There was nothing to fight but the Unversed, and those were only if something unpleasant had happened with Vanitas’s mood and self-worth. Holding his hand out, Ventus did what he’d done dozens, hundreds of times, and nothing came. As if it was what he expected, Vanitas nodded.

“Well… I guess that’s it, then,” Ven said lamely, scratching the back of his neck. He hadn’t expected anything different either. Still, such a harsh reminder that his Keyblade was gone didn’t feel good.

“Thought so. Whichever one it is, we’re not getting our hands on our Keyblades in here.”

“What was the other option?”

“Huh? Ah.” Vanitas pursed his lips as he thought and made them seem even fuller, and Ven could only watch that with no thoughts in his head. The way that his mouth moved when he spoke was, stupidly enough, something that caught Ven’s eye. “There are multiple factors in play here, understand. I had the thought that perhaps it wasn’t to do with the heart around us at all, but the fact that you’re still unable to summon your Keyblade tells me that’s unlikely now. Don’t start, I’m getting there.”

“So get there faster!”

“I’ll say it real simple for you, how’s that? You broke us, Ventus.” The bluntness of Vanitas’s words made it so that they didn’t sink in for a moment, and then Ven could only look down at his hands with mixed feelings spinning in his mind. He’d done what he’d needed to do in order to protect Terra and Aqua, that was still the truth. It was also the truth that in that moment, Ventus had shattered both of their hearts. If he returned to his body, if he had a body to return to, he might never be able to call upon his Keyblade ever again. It had broken to pieces in his hands, back then. It had vanished, maybe forever the way he’d expected his heart to. “We’ve recovered well, at least. You’re almost whole… Don’t get me wrong, I deserved it and worse. You… I wish you hadn’t needed to come here, Ventus. I really do.”

“You know, sometimes I wonder. Vanitas, you put a lot of faith into destiny, huh?”

Vanitas grunted in response, making him faintly wonder if that was another thing that had changed. The look on the other boy’s face didn’t give him any answers, and he didn’t make any Unversed either. In the past days, perhaps weeks or even months, Vanitas hadn’t been making Unversed as casually as he had before. On top of that, he seemed… mellow, in a way that Ven was certain didn’t have to do with his method of pushing out his emotions. Their hearts really had healed, hadn’t they? Vanitas was raising his eyebrows expectantly, and Ven found himself scrambling mentally to recall what he’d been saying.

“U-uh… It’s just, I don’t think I ever really believed in destiny or fate or anything like that. Vanitas, I don’t regret what I did.”

“Good. Don’t ever regret it. You shouldn’t. You were defending yourself and everything you cared about from a threat that couldn’t be talked down. I was an aggressor who wouldn’t stop, not gonna pretend otherwise.”

“… Right. I don’t regret it, but I’m not happy about it. And, I guess, in the same way… It’s a weird mix of feelings. I wish we didn’t have to come here either, I wish a lot of things that happened hadn’t happened. But eventually if I keep thinking, “I wish this hadn’t happened”, going back more and more… I find things that I don’t know what to think about, whether or not I wish it wasn’t so. What happened was wrong, but I’m glad you exist. If you had never been born I never would have met Terra or Aqua _or_ you. I never would have made friends with any of the people I met in all those worlds. I wish we hadn’t fought, but there’s so many good things that only happened because of that. I guess what I really wish is that all of this could have happened another way, a nicer way. That would have been… well, nicer. It’s all jumbled up in my head, but I do know some things for sure. Vanitas, I don’t regret coming here because I was doing what I needed to do, but I also don’t regret coming here because I like you.” Realizing what he’d said, Ventus felt his cheeks grow so hot that it was almost like being on fire. If he just blurted out something so vague, what impression would Vanitas get from it? Even worse, Ven wasn’t certain which impression was the right one. Ven wasn’t certain he knew the truth of his own heart, and found it far too hard to look at Vanitas’s face. As if to hide that, he picked up what he’d been making and looked at it instead. “I-I mean, I like spending time with you, I like talking to you. It’s sort of hard for me to try and fit it together. It’s hard, there’s so many things that seem like they can’t exist at the same time. I want to go home and find Terra and Aqua, but I like being here with you. Things were, were rough at first-”

Vanitas’s raucous laughter cut into his sentence, banishing some of his embarrassment at the same time. He’d downplayed it more than a little, really. “Rough” was an understatement – at first things had been a disaster, a mess of violent emotions with no restraint. After a few seconds that Ventus was content to remain silent during, Vanitas’s laughter died down enough for him to speak. “A _little_ , huh?”

“Okay, yeah, it was really really bad.”

“Don’t brush it off, Ventus. We both know what I did, so you might as well acknowledge it.” Vanitas’s eyes held a faint pain, even though he’d laughed. It was true. The things that Vanitas had done would never go away, and Vanitas wasn’t eager for them to be forgotten. Knowing that wasn’t wrong of Vanitas, Ven still wanted to shove it aside and focus only on who he was now, who they were now.

“We do both know, so we don’t need to point it out constantly! I’m not gonna forget it just by not mentioning it, Vanitas. That’s not how it works.”

“You could fool me,” Vanitas said softly, leaning to rest his cheek against his raised knee. Something gentle lived in him in that moment, a light that Ven didn’t think could ever go out. Though he had the shells and cord that he’d been lacing together, Ventus found his hands feeling so empty without… “Sometimes it feels like you just forgot all about it. Even after all I did, you still forgave me. Why is that, Ventus?”

“I haven’t forgotten anything. But the Vanitas who did all that bad stuff, he’s… not here anymore.”

“Don’t attribute it all to someone else, that’s worse than forgetting. I did it, all of it. Everything I did exists in my past, my memories and yours and theirs. It was me. Even if it’s something I regret, I did it. Didn’t realize it back then, what the truth was.” In the face of those words that he didn’t understand, Ventus remained silent. Smiling a smile that softened his eyes, lit by the glow of the setting sun, Vanitas looked at him. More than ever, he found himself thinking it. In Vanitas, there was something he didn’t know how to describe, how to contextualize. He was simply Vanitas, and Ven didn’t know what that meant. Not Ventus, but Vanitas. Vanitas, who was someone he couldn’t just describe, who had no definition. “I spent such a long time thinking so many stupid things, didn’t I? Thinking I was better than you, thinking I had the right to do whatever I wanted to you. Wishing I’d never been born and looking for a reason to be alive. Hating the fact that I existed, all of that. I believed in something, but I don’t know why. Destiny… perhaps, it was a way of convincing myself that my suffering had a purpose. That I would be rewarded at the moment I ended the world, and that by being the one to do it I would become the most important being in all of existence, past and present and future. If I’d managed it, maybe that would have been true. The one to slam the door shut on the universe, lock up, and burn the building down, probably, would be the most significant thing in it. That was my destiny, I thought. And before I knew it I craved the sight of others in agony, reveled in the thought of it. Wonder why that was… Just makes me sick. _I_ was sick, and too delusional to realize it. That voice in my head or my heart, his voice, it’s… a lot quieter, now. I guess I can take solace in that. Haven’t silenced it yet, but I will. I’m sure I will.”

The fact that Vanitas said it and believed it… that in itself was something incredible.

“So then… what’s the truth?” Ventus knew what he was asking for, and could only hope that Vanitas heard it between the words he’d said. Holding a wish inside him, Ven waited. Knowing what he wanted the truth to be, he couldn’t just demand it. What would Vanitas say?

“I feel like I understand some things that are important, about myself. What I want, who I am, where I’ll go from here on out. I don’t understand everything about myself, and I’m sure I never will. That’s… okay. I used to believe in a cosmic plan, that’s true. If it exists, I don’t care. Rather than a book that’s already been written, words carved in stone, fate… destiny, maybe it’s something that…”

It wasn’t until Vanitas was squeezing his fingers that Ven realized he’d set his work down, reached out, and taken Vanitas’s hand. Though hesitance stirred in his heart, it couldn’t compete with the other feelings that lived there. Holding tight to Vanitas with one hand, Ven lifted his other and brought it to his face. He paid no mind to it, when the remnants of that mask melted away for good. All he cared about was the warm hand that covered his, the heavy meaning in Vanitas’s gaze. Ventus wanted what he believed was in those eyes to be the truth. The feelings that he’d wanted to bloom in Vanitas’s heart perhaps had long ago begun growing. Perhaps, longer even than he had felt them himself.

“I don’t think I believe in a cosmic plan,” Ven said, because he didn’t. He wasn’t sure he knew what destiny really was, and the idea of it being something absolute and unchangeable wasn’t something he thought he could accept. Even so, there was a feeling deep within him. “So I don’t think it’s something like destiny. But right now… for some reason, it just feels like this is where I’m meant to be. It doesn’t feel like something that was picked out before I was born, something that was always going to happen. But it still feels like it’s right.”

“We decided,” Vanitas told him, and everything seemed to click into place in his heart. It was right because it was what he’d chosen, not anyone else picking for him. They were in a place he had chosen, and he had chosen to spend that moment with Vanitas. Vanitas had chosen to spend that moment with him. They had been the ones to write it into being, through their actions, wishes, feelings. “And we’ll keep deciding. We decide how our lives should be. We decide our own destinies.”

It was up to them to choose which path they walked. Ven thought he understood it, the path he wanted to start down. A path that seemed as if it was within his reach, a path he could see in Vanitas’s golden eyes that he couldn’t… no, didn’t want to look away from. Vanitas’s quiet voice spoke to him, and all he wanted was to hear it.

“I think I know who I’d… like to help me decide mine.”

If they chose it, they-

Ventus hadn’t noticed the clouds rolling in until they’d cast everything into shadow. He hadn’t noticed anything beyond Vanitas, but whatever had been in the air between them was gone in an instant. The sky was growing dark, and though Vanitas’s hands held tight to his it was no longer for a gentle reason. The soft twilight glow was gone. On Vanitas’s face that had drawn so close to his, there was something almost like fear.

A storm was brewing in their home, with no warning that he had spotted.

The crackle of lightning came less than a second before the thunder, and Vanitas yanked him roughly to his feet. It was nothing like the storm he remembered, the storm that Vanitas had stood within that might have been years ago. The air was heavy, hard to breathe. It felt dangerous – something was wrong. Something was happening, and Vanitas was running with him to the only thing that could possibly represent safety. Stumbling over their feet, unable to think clearly enough to simply jump away, they ran to the shack and slammed the door.

With fumbling hands, Ventus formed a light. It was almost impossible to focus enough to do it, to banish the questions screaming in his head. He needed to be able to see. He needed a light. The sound of waves crashing upon the shore was almost deafening, but even then it was drowned out by the booming of thunder that came again and again. In the flickering light Ven managed to create, he saw countless hands reaching out for him. Though he tried to leap back, it was into Vanitas’s arms rather than those of the Unversed he was creating. Dozens of Scrappers were taking hold of him, tugging at his clothing even as Vanitas took a firmer hold of him. In many ways, Vanitas was doing that. With countless hands, Vanitas held on.

Terra and Aqua’s hands… they weren’t there to take his.

“What’s _happening_?” Ven wasn’t sure that Vanitas could even hear him over the cacophony that filled the sky outside their tiny shack. Blobs of energy were dripping from the other boy, hitting the ground and puddling outward before darting toward the doors. They took shape on the other side, and Ven knew why in an instant. Blocking the doors off with the extensions of his heart, Vanitas was shielding them both.

The howling wind seemed to rock him to his core, a wind that somehow reminded him of Vanitas himself. The darkness of the shack, barely held off by the light he held between their chests, was something menacing. Rather than simply what that came with night, in places that the sun’s rays didn’t reach, this was _darkness_ , a darkness that had never existed in their sanctuary. Clinging to his light that he couldn’t allow to go out, Ven ignored what spilled into him from Unversed and focused only on Vanitas, who was, more than even his own heart, protecting…

He felt Vanitas speaking against him, unable to take in the sound. Desperately, Ventus strained his ears and silently lamented the fact that it didn’t reach him. If it was darkness, it was Vanitas who understood it. It was Vanitas who could tell him what to do, who could hold onto it without fear. The boy they lived and dreamed within, if he fell to it what would happen? Could Vanitas, who had been born in darkness, protect them both from it? If his friends had been with them, could they have protected him?

For the first time in years, Ven found himself in the grip of such a vivid fear. The only thing that reassured him was the rush of power he felt against him, like the air was being pulled in. With it came a lessening of that palpable panic that had been growing within him, because Vanitas was taking in its source. Vanitas was taking in that darkness that surrounded them, and with it his uncertainty seemed to disappear. The light in Ven’s hands was brighter, stronger, and so was Vanitas. Stronger than he had ever been, Vanitas wouldn’t let him go. Closing his eyes, no longer afraid that the light would fade, Ventus bared his heart.

This time, he understood Vanitas’s words as they resonated. Even if they failed to reach ears filled with the sound of the raging storm, Ven didn’t need to hear them spilling from Vanitas’s lips. Feeling them with all of his being, Ven held on to what Vanitas had asked him to keep alive and trusted that the arms around him would keep him safe.

“I won’t let you fall,” Vanitas told him, and he believed in that.

A being of darkness drank it in, and though it scared him Ven knew that what lived in Vanitas was something he couldn’t hate. If it was something he used for the sake of someone else, that was something that he could even love. If it was Vanitas, he…

Ven didn’t know how long it had lasted, that storm. He didn’t know what had brought it. But light returned to flood everything, even the place they had sheltered within. Light returned, and though Vanitas recoiled it was only for an instant. What had been was now gone, and both of them merely slumped against one another to slide to the floor. Feeling exhausted and small, Ventus simply wound his arms around Vanitas’s neck. The wildness of his terror, it had drained out of him and taken his energy with it. But Vanitas was there to embrace him. Vanitas would protect him with everything he had. Vanitas would do whatever it took to keep him safe.

For the first time they used it, crawling into that tiny bed together without a word. It was far from his mind, their hardheaded decision. It no longer meant anything, and had always been stupid. If it was Vanitas, he didn’t care. Ven’s fading thoughts considered it, that when he woke he would be embarrassed. Vanitas was there, and so he couldn’t be ashamed. Because it was Vanitas, the way he felt could only be right.

Even if the pair of them were little more than lost children, they held one another tightly.

From that moment, neither of them slept on the ground again.

 

She opened her eyes to darkness and the familiar unknown, curled up on her side on a floor made of stained glass. Though the light of it was so strong, it didn’t hurt her eyes in the slightest. Lying there on a platform of glass that cut through a sea of black, she felt she understood something without shape.

As she sat and drew her knees to her chest, Kairi looked to the sky through him.


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for a lighthearted chapter again! Jokes and japes and barely anything sad at all. A rare event in this story, isn't it? Well, it's probably welcome.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented! I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter.

“Where’s this one going?” The crate Xion had stubbornly hoisted up and was barely supporting the weight of really looked too big for her, but Roxas thought it was probably too big for him as well. Maybe even Ven would struggle, but Vanitas could probably carry it with ease. He was busy on his own, though. The mattress was dry after a scant three days, significantly faster than Vanitas had said, and that meant it was moving day. Unversed were clustered around the doorway of the room he shared with Ven, a work force that was entirely focused on the same thing as their creator. Ven was bringing crate after crate out of the secret place, something Roxas was silently grateful for. Since Ven was doing that, he and Xion didn’t have to set foot in the place or admit how much they didn’t want to enter. He didn’t know how to say it, anyway. There were so many things he didn’t know how to say, things he’d remained silent about. He needed to tell her, but three days later hadn’t managed a single word.

“What’s in it?”

“Uh… well, it’s so heavy that it feels like a lot of rocks.” Carefully setting the crate down to rest on her toes, Xion lifted the lid off to look inside. “… it’s a lot of rocks.”

“ _Vanitas!_ ” From high above them came the sound of raucous laughter. What that meant was immediately obvious, even as Ven groaned in annoyance. For whatever reason, Vanitas had decided that filling a crate with rocks and setting it with everything to be moved was an excellent prank. If Ven had been the one to fall victim to it, Roxas thought he probably would have found it a little funnier. Rocks. There had been almost a ridiculous amount of them on the shelves, enough that he’d just assumed they were being used as tools. Maybe he’d been wrong to think that. Hadn’t those rocks vanished? He couldn’t remember them being there when he’d woken up that day, but Roxas had no idea when they’d disappeared. Once the shelves in the cave had been propped back up, Roxas thought that perhaps they’d been a lot more bare. “Why is there a crate full of _rocks_ , Vanitas?”

“You say that like you’ve never collected anything, Ventus!” Not replying to that in words Ven plucked a rock out of the crate, took a few steps back, and hurled it with all his might up at the balcony where Vanitas was puzzling out putting a door together. It slammed against one of the Unversed there with a meaty thud, loud enough to make Roxas wince. Vanitas’s little snort was almost too quiet to hear, but his ears did pick it up. “Temper, Ventus! I knew one of you boneheads would pick it up without looking eventually, so I never put them all back.”

“Why,” Ven started hotly, glaring up at the ledge, “Did you collect a bunch of rocks?”

“I was bored to tears, Ventus. What else was I going to do? I had no one to talk to, and I ran out of cord in less than two weeks. I couldn’t sleep forever, you know!”

Chastened by that, Ven put his hand in his pocket. It was something he did a lot, and Roxas felt stupid as he finally realized why. Looking down at himself, Ven had pulled his Wayfinder – the one made from metal and glass – out of that pocket and was gripping it tightly. He’d always been taking hold of it, a treasured good-luck charm. “… Put the door up, Vanitas.”

“That’s what I was doing before you threw a rock at me,” Vanitas said with a feigned sweetness. The door was something astonishingly complicated, if only because the idea of permanently affixing it to the tree was completely unacceptable and perhaps impossible. The lack of hinges had clearly flummoxed Vanitas at first, but an alternative had finally been found. What Ven had given Vanitas the idea for was a pair of crude wheels, something that rested in grooves of a wide frame. He’d turned it into a sliding door, though it was simply resting in the “doorway” of the room. There were what looked like little feet for that frame, balancing the weight. It was obviously so it couldn’t simply topple over, but it really just seemed absurd in its scale.

Even so, Roxas knew it would work.

“Vanitas, what are we doing with the chest? Did you change your mind or no?”

“Already said it’s fine where it is. I’m not touching it, if you want to you can.”

“Okay, so we’re leaving it then. It doesn’t matter, it’s not like it’s bothering anyone.”

The chest in Ven and Vanitas’s room that no one had tried to open. There was no lock, just a latch. They had all taken it seriously – the vague feeling that Vanitas had expressed to Ven, that Ven had passed on. The vague feeling that it wasn’t for them. Harmless, totally dormant, but not for them. They all left it be yet again, and Roxas looked up at what he could see of Vanitas’s work from where he was.

The door itself had a window-like cutout in it, so that the sunlight could still enter at daybreak. Vanitas had already said that the reason Ven had wanted to be in the tree was for the morning light, but it had seemed to Roxas like something that defeated the purpose of the door until he’d been given a hard rule. With a flat expression that nonetheless conveyed how serious he was about it, Vanitas had told them “If the door is closed, you two are going to walk away unless it’s an emergency.”

Both he and Xion had accepted that, a little rattled by how commanding Vanitas’s voice had become. Though that was something he would have expected Ven to try to soften, he’d done no such thing. The fact that it meant so much to both of them really made Roxas feel like an idiot. He’d had no awareness that he was intruding on their space so much.

He could cut himself a little slack though, since no one had actually said it was a problem.

“You know, it’s not something I’ve ever really done before but I actually helped him with the door,” Ven said, picking up one of the chairs and resting it across his shoulders. A lot more clumsily, Roxas took another – there were four, though they were made of different kinds of wood. It made them look like two sets, because they were. Vanitas had started them when Sora’s heart had only had two inhabitants. As they carried those mismatched chairs to the deck, Ven continued to speak. “He made all these little pegs to hold the pieces together, and we glued them all so that they’d be really firmly attached. I took some and he took some. It’s a lot of fun, I always thought it was really satisfying to make Wayfinders too. Taking stuff and putting it together and turning it into something, it just makes me pretty proud. That’s why Vanitas keeps making so many things, seeing that he created something makes him feel good about himself.”

“Stop giving away my secrets, Ventus!” The fact that Vanitas had still heard them from where they were almost had Roxas jumping out of his skin. Those pointed ears could pick up quite a lot, it seemed.

“Oh, just do your job!” That had Vanitas laughing again, at least. A Red Hot Chili appeared over the balcony, and as Roxas eyed it critically it shot a fireball in a lazy arc. Ven’s annoyance was funny to Vanitas, then. “Yeah, ha ha Vanitas!”

There was a thump from the area of the tree, and then a bright pink cat was diving from the railing and racing across the island to try to leap into Ven’s arms. He let out a surprised laugh as it crawled up his body, his exaggerated annoyance mostly forgotten as he scrambled to put the chair down. The second Ven took hold of the already-purring creature, Vanitas’s lilting voice reached them.

“Come help me with this, will you Ventus? Whatever will I do without my better half assisting me?”

“Stoooop!”

“Come make me!”

With some new excitement sparkling in his eyes, Ven looked to the tree and chuckled to himself. “Roxas, Xion, can you get the chairs to the deck by yourselves?”

“Yeah, of course!” Unlike a crate full of rocks, neither of them would have any trouble with chairs. Roxas nodded as well, and Ven flashed them a beaming grin before vanishing. Vanitas’s creation went with him, leaving nothing behind on the path. A second later, laughter bubbled from the room and Roxas only looked at Xion with a vague shrug. They were happy about it, even if “it” was putting up a door. Maybe there was something else about it that he was missing. Roxas hoisted up his chair and started walking again, wondering if one day he’d be able to teleport at all much less while carrying something. Vanitas could do both, taking something with him and leaving it behind. How they did it, Roxas still didn’t think he understood.

“Don’t tell him I said this,” Roxas muttered, glancing nervously to the tree, “But I think the door looks kind of stupid.”

“Oh, it looks really stupid,” Xion agreed immediately, shifting her chair in her grip. It was such a relief to hear her say it that he could only sigh. “I don’t know how else he could do it, though. Putting holes in Sora’s heart would be pretty messed up, you know? I do feel bad, I know Vanitas was trying to make something that looked nice.”

“You think he knows it looks stupid?”

“I’m positive he knows it looks stupid and that that’s why he said he wanted to try again.” That, Roxas found himself laughing at. Skilled he may have been, but it didn’t make Vanitas superhuman. He was just Vanitas, whatever that meant. And he’d made a crude, unwieldy, overly-complicated, stupid-looking door. “Well, it works probably. Or it will.”

“Isn’t it kind of pointless with that window though?”

“Right? Guess it’s more symbolic than functional.” Snickering to themselves about that, they set two chairs on a deck and turned in time for Vanitas’s shout and the sight of Ven vaulting over the railing with a thrilled expression on his face. He had something clutched to his chest, and there was a loud clatter as Vanitas abandoned everything he was doing in favor of pursuit. Unversed were exploding from him, dozens of what looked almost like floating satellite dishes. Every single one of them had what was undeniably a gun hanging from their bodies.

“ _Ventus!_ ”

Gleefully, Ven hit the ground running. He leaped clean over one of the crates littering the beach, and it was only then that Roxas realized that Ven was making a beeline to the deck with Vanitas hot on his heels. An Unversed fired what looked to be a laser, a clear warning that Ven delightedly ignored. “Nope, nice try!”

“Get back here you little-” Vanitas disappeared, but Ven spun out of the way when he returned to existence in front of him. Ven had stolen something, was keeping it close to him so that Vanitas couldn’t snatch it back. Whatever it was Roxas couldn’t tell, because Vanitas was between him and Ven. “Ventus give it back!”

“No way, it’s supposed to be for all of us!”

Candy.

Covering her mouth with her hands, Xion began to giggle uncontrollably. Ven had that candy in a death grip, dancing out of Vanitas’s reach and laughing all the way. Even the foot that Vanitas abruptly shoved in Ven’s path didn’t catch him, deftly jumped over to make the situation even funnier to him. The only person who didn’t find it funny was Vanitas, red-faced and fuming as he swarmed the beach with Unversed to slow Ven down. The ape that Roxas didn’t know the name of was reaching for Ven with one massive fist, and the alarmed expression on his face was at least as funny as the rest of the situation. That, he couldn’t dodge in time.

With the blood rushing to his head, Ven closed his eyes with an expression that somehow conveyed his frustrated resignation. He dangled from one ankle that was held high in the air, Vanitas’s creation having taken firm hold of him. Roxas couldn’t foresee him getting out of that any way but by teleporting.

“Ventus.”

“Vanitas.”

“Give-”

Before Vanitas could even speak a full sentence, Ven had vanished entirely. Balling his hands up into fists, Vanitas looked at the spot where his counterpart had been seconds before and took a deep, calming breath. He was still funneling out Unversed, a cluster of them with pickaxes for arms and lanterns that hung from their heads. They were letting off a low hum, even as blobs of darkness took shape as more of those blue, ratlike Unversed. An expression of Vanitas’s frustration, of course, but still nameless. He and Xion still didn’t know everything. But he made no move to chase after Ven, and simply scowled as he picked up one of the abandoned chairs.

Rather than carrying it to the deck on foot, Vanitas disappeared with it. When Roxas turned his head, it was of course to see Vanitas setting the chair down and shoving his hands in his pockets with that same foul expression. Their eyes met, that sharp yellow filled with irritation, and Roxas found it hard to keep looking at but impossible to look away. There was something there in them, reluctant but holding the weight of the world.

The eyes of someone born in darkness were, sometimes, entirely too striking.

“Well? What are you two waiting around for? Get over here.”

“U-uh, right!”

Under his breath though he knew Ven was somewhere else entirely, Vanitas said it to them as they finally reached where he was standing.

“I want to talk about something, tonight. After Ventus goes to sleep I’ll come find you, so don’t just pass out once the sun’s down. It’s past time for this.”

Though the question lingered in his head and he was sure Xion was the same way, Roxas said nothing to Ven when he returned and became the immediate target of Vanitas’s badgering. The candy hadn’t made a reappearance, and Roxas couldn’t find it in him to care. He simply focused on piling things in boxes and moving shelves and putting blankets on the bed that now belonged to him in the shack, and waited for nightfall.

He had something he needed to say as well, after all.


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you all see the KH3 info from the premiere event? I did and I'm LIVING. Anyway here's an important Ventus chapter. Despite what happened in his last chapter, these boys are stupid as ever.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's been commenting, it's all I ask from you guys!

“Hm,” Vanitas said, tilting the wood in his hand to scrutinize it. What it really did look like was Vanitas’s Keyblade that he could no longer call to his hand, the correct shape and size. It wasn’t perfect, and the work in progress was crude at best, but it was recognizably what he remembered. At the same time, Ven didn’t know that he could conjure up a mental image of it that was quite right. Unlike Vanitas, he hadn’t spent much time looking at the thing. Vanitas blew wood shavings from the hilt of it, setting it on the ground with an expression that Ven could immediately read as displeasure. He wasn’t satisfied by it in the slightest. “Stupid thing.”

As if that storm had never happened, the sky was clear. The day was warmer than usual, even hot. And they hadn’t mentioned it again. They hadn’t mentioned the storm, nor the darkness, nor what had come before it. That soft but heavy tension, the pounding of his heart in that moment, Ven had said nothing and Vanitas had said nothing.

They didn’t mention it, because they’d missed their chance to act in that moment.

“Well I think it’s pretty good,” Ven mumbled, puffing his cheeks out when Vanitas snorted in response. It was actually the reply he’d been hoping to get, for whatever reason. Vanitas hadn’t noticed that, thankfully. Having to explain that he wanted Vanitas to laugh at him wasn’t something Ventus relished the thought of, once it finally occurred to him. “You’re getting way better at that, I don’t know if I like it or not.”

He was no Terra, but it wasn’t bad.

“You just have low standards. It’s hardly accurate, but I guess you didn’t pay enough attention to get that.” Vanitas reached out with one hand, pinching his nose tauntingly. It was a dull kind of teasing, but it was teasing nonetheless. If it gave him the excuse to quarrel, Ven didn’t care. He swatted at Vanitas’s hand and watched carefully for the flash of understanding in his eyes.

Both of them swung at the same time, his fist hitting Vanitas’s cheek as Vanitas’s fist hit his. Ven didn’t spend much time registering that, choosing instead to dive forward to knock Vanitas off the dock. The fact that he managed it was a surprise, at least in the split second between it happening and Vanitas melting into the ground beneath him.

“You’re cheating!” Before Ven had even finished yelling it out, Vanitas was bursting out behind him in a rain of fire and his well-honed instincts were kicking in. The attack only grazed him as he rolled, something totally harmless in this place. Landing back on the sand, Vanitas’s tense posture made it obvious that he was ready to spring as well.

“If it’s a skill I have, it’s hardly cheating. Not my fault you can’t do it, Ventus.”

“Well it’s not actually gonna help you, so don’t get carried away!”

With Terra and Aqua in the past, what they’d spent so much time doing was…

“Stay sharp, Ventus,” Vanitas murmured, dropping into a loose crouch that made it so clear what he was aiming for. They could just roughhouse, of course, but that wasn’t what Vanitas wanted in that moment and Ven found himself pleased by it. There was a lot he could gain, Ventus was sure. There were only good things that could come from it. Sparring with Vanitas. The idea of it triggered that part of his mind that still occasionally sounded its disbelief at his new reality. Faintly amused by the fact that it lingered, Ven banished that reaction nonetheless. Someone who was no longer his enemy stood before him, with a cocky grin that he was itching to wipe off his face.

With one of his own that surely matched, Ven held a hand out and fired. Though Vanitas batted the fireball away with ease, it gave Ven an opening just wide enough to take. As soon as he did, Vanitas flickered out of sight before his fist could connect. It had been a while, long enough that Ven hadn’t expected it and simply pitched forward with his balance lost. Saving it by tucking into a roll, he found himself lucky enough to have dodged Vanitas’s downward strike. He’d appeared above, a familiar act that was certainly a staple of Vanitas’s combat repertoire.

It was undeniably a command style, which meant…

He knew it startled Vanitas when he activated one of his own, and that was far more satisfying than it should have been. Though it had been years, it still came as easily as it had back then. Both of them surely knew how to fight without a weapon in their hands, but Ventus had plenty that he could still use. Whatever command style Vanitas used, it had to do with his own body. If he had more, Ven hadn’t seen them. As for him…

Ven hurled a sword at Vanitas, and began to laugh uncontrollably at the expression on his face as he leaped out of the way. He’d outright scrambled, something that was certainly half a cartwheel. Though Vanitas landed on his feet, a resigned sort of alarm still lingered in his eyes. He hadn’t expected it at all, but once it was in motion he’d recognized it for what it was.

“Who’s cheating now, Ventus?”

“Ooh, but it’s not my fault you can’t do it Vanitas!”

Vanitas shot a fireball at him that broke into three, and sprang forward to punch him in the face.

They were both rusty, Ventus learned quickly. But some things remained deeply ingrained in his body, even if he wasn’t sure how much of a body he really had. He could get what he’d lost back without fear. The weighty blows they turned on each other didn’t hurt in the slightest. Without the limitations of pain and injury, he could simply learn.

And also sock Vanitas so hard in the face that he flew back a yard and hit a tree, which he did promptly.

The other boy took it with more grace than Ven expected, but what really took him off guard was the moment that Vanitas threw a hand out and ripped one of his swords out of formation. The pull of it was intense, almost yanking him off his feet as Vanitas stressed the link between him and his crafted blade. It was immediately obvious that Vanitas had to struggle to keep it in his hand, but though it was barely he was managing it. With his brow heavily lined and the powerful muscles in his arms flexing, Vanitas had successfully commandeered one of his weapons and kicked Ventus in the side while he was gaping.

“How did yo-” Before he could get the rest of the question out, Vanitas was doing _something_ and the pressure at his back of an invisible, intangible cord that stretched taut… snapped. The blade now in Vanitas’s hand had been altered, coated in a white-hot energy that seemed to form a second sword around it. A command style-

Hastily, Ven brought two of his remaining weapons up as quickly as possible to guard against what Vanitas now had. He honestly shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was – Vanitas’s heart, sharing parts of his own and vice versa, could logically take what was created by his heart and…

Using his own blades to block Vanitas’s, Ven wrenched it aside and called down lightning as he jumped back. It wouldn’t hurt, but his combat instincts wanted to keep him as far from that surging blade as he could be. Vanitas had wreathed it in energy, a charged blade that looked like it had the weight behind it to knock him senseless. As soon as Vanitas lashed out with it again, Ven hurled one of his own blades and yanked it back as soon as it hit. He couldn’t afford to let Vanitas take all of his weapons, even if it had been jaw-droppingly impressive to watch. Going on the offensive with magic, Ventus tried and failed to keep his distance. Vanitas’s ability to melt into the ground was something he had no counter for, and so he couldn’t truly keep him at bay for long.

Each time their weapons clashed, the heavy weight of what Vanitas had coated his with made Ven’s arms shake. It sizzled outright upon making contact, but before Ven could really study the blade caught in two of his own the energy fizzled out and the pull at his back returned with startling abruptness. The grunt of displeasure that came out of Vanitas as his stolen weapon was ripped back out of his hand had Ven snickering even as he swept all six blades forward. Vanitas couldn’t truly take them from him, not permanently. It only worked as long as he could keep that energy that he’d coated his stolen weapon in.

“Stupi-” Vanitas took a bolt of electricity to the chest and stumbled before flickering out of sight. This time Ventus expected it and was already firing off a chunk of ice to collide with Vanitas in midair as he reappeared. It caught him right under the chin, and he landed on the ground with a heavy and satisfying thud. Groaning, Vanitas shook his head violently as he rolled onto his side.

“You don’t have many tricks, Vanitas! Eventually I’m gonna get used to the-” Probably, the fireball that hit him in the face was something he deserved for overconfidence. As it dissipated and left him coughing, Ven still had plenty of time to sweep Vanitas’s legs out from under him as soon as he was back up. “Nice tr-”

He was going to have to learn not to mouth off while training, Ven thought as Vanitas’s hand latched around his wrist and yanked him down. Terra and Aqua had been a lot more lenient with him when it came to not taking the opportunities given to them. Vanitas was more pragmatic it seemed, and he was a little grateful that Vanitas had no kid gloves to use. Ventus pinned him down with his weight and hit him in the face anyway.

“Can’t you hit me any harder than-” At the very least, Vanitas was the same when it came to smart remarks. Ven stabbed a blade into the ground next to his head, and the expression of complete disbelief he received in response was almost enough to make him lose focus and end the style. Vanitas’s eyes flickered between him and the sword now embedded several inches into the beach, far far beneath the top layer of sand.

Looking between him and his weapons, Vanitas slowly began to turn red. Though he hadn’t done quite enough to warrant it, Ven found himself feeling sweaty. Swallowing nervously, he leaned back and couldn’t meet Vanitas’s eyes. His rapidly-pounding heartbeat had little to do with their now-ended fight.

He didn’t know what they were anymore. He’d never known what they were, but now it was even more confusing. What Vanitas had said, what it had seemed he would have done in that moment… Ventus didn’t know what it meant, if it was what he’d thought it was. Unsure, unable to face it, he simply fled from it again.

“Y-you win,” Vanitas stammered, before dozens of Unversed were spilling off him. The shape they took was something Ven could only smile at, even as he battled his own tangled, flustered feelings. A swarm of hermit crabs scuttled around them, each one he looked at vanishing into its shell and hitting the sand. They were cute, those Unversed, but not on the same level as Vanitas who curled in on himself as well and tried to hide what remained of his embarrassment.

“R… right,” Ven managed, not knowing how to respond in the slightest. As he looked at the expression on Vanitas’s face and nothing else, it was a surprise to him when that expression changed. Seconds later, the air around them was heavy and dark clouds were rolling in to block out the sun. Scrambling to his feet, Ven held a hand out and was relieved when Vanitas took it. The sight of storm clouds had him uneasy, a twisting feeling heavy in his stomach.

What did it mean? There was no one who could tell him. Even if Terra and Aqua had been with him, even if Master Eraqus had been with him, Ven wasn’t sure they would have had a single answer for him. His friends weren’t there. His master wasn’t there. All he had was Vanitas, whose fingers held tight to his.

With their hands clasped together, they retreated to the shack to take shelter in case rain began to fall. The idea that danger would come in this place… it really was sobering, because Ven didn’t think there was anything they could do. Maybe it was a reason to train with Vanitas. If the unthinkable happened, if something went horribly wrong, it was better to be stronger even if it was only in spirit. As he glanced into Vanitas’s worried eyes, Ven thought he could see the same wheels turning behind them.

“Train with me tomorrow,” he said quietly, and Vanitas nodded without a word.

From then, it became a staple. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the only thing. Storms came with increasing frequency, but nothing like the one that had been born with darkness. Neither of them voiced their concerns. Neither of them knew what to say. Wind howled outside the shack, and Ventus and Vanitas remained silent within it. Sleep didn’t come easily, because the darkness of the shack only reminded him of what had come with that storm.

Everything around them was changing. The days were too hot, the nights too cold. The air was heavy, choking, stale, empty. If it rained, there would be relief. That rain… it wasn’t quick to fall.

Not knowing what was happening to the place that had become their home, neither of them could say anything at all.

 

Vanitas made it hard to sleep that night, because before climbing into bed he chose to strip his shirt off. As flustering as it was to know that the warmth against his back was bare skin, Ven couldn’t bring himself to care. At the very least, it meant he had a reason other than fear to lie awake in the darkness. It meant that, for a while, he thought nothing of the storms and only of Vanitas.


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are ya ready, kids? Time for the VenVan awkward teenager hour! They continue to be too stupid for words, and too stupid to use their words. Two peas in a pod. The chapter following this one goes back to the modern day storyline.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented! You're the ones keeping me posting.

“Come back,” Ven whined, squinting in the light that filtered in from the open door. Vanitas was embarrassed, scowling and blushing as he looked over his shoulder. Yet again, he’d rolled out of bed. It was barely dawn, and Ven knew with certainty that Vanitas wasn’t actually ready to be awake. They’d beaten each other to the point of exhaustion, and though the result had predictably been his victory Ven had still been wiped from it. They’d crawled into bed, knowing that the burn of muscles that had been overworked would never come. All they were really training were their minds. They trained, they ate, they rinsed the sweat from the bodies they didn’t really have, and they went to bed when the sun set. And whenever he slept on the “wrong” side of that bed, not pressed against the wall, Vanitas rolled out of it the way he just had. And when he did, his now-familiar warmth left with him.

Having fallen onto the ground another morning, Vanitas was too flustered to simply climb back in.

It was awkward to share a bed with Vanitas, it really was. They didn’t fit trying to sleep back to back, too embarrassed to hold one another again. It was even more awkward in that Vanitas seemed to have ditched the idea of keeping his shirt on at night entirely. Ventus didn’t truly know why Vanitas had started doing it in the first place, and sometimes it felt like Vanitas’s only goal was to make his stomach flip and twist. He also didn’t know why the thought filled him with such wild anxiety.

Except he did know. He was simply unable to speak of it, found it hard to even think of in the moments when his mind was clear. A part of him whispered that the time just wasn’t right, but it was just the blustering of a heart that was afraid. Scary as it was, deep down inside of him there was something he knew. Just below the surface, just out of sight, no matter how many times Ventus anxiously shoved it away, it was beating with all its might inside his heart.

As if those thoughts and feelings had transferred, Vanitas’s mood had immediately brightened. Even though he thought it had to be true, Ven couldn’t trust his own perception to be unclouded by what he wanted. He wouldn’t say it. He couldn’t say it. What Vanitas had said and done on that day, Ventus didn’t know if he understood what it all really meant. The feelings that lived in Vanitas’s heart, he couldn’t see their shape. His doubts grew every day, with every action, with every way his own heart reacted. Everything Vanitas said to him, everything Vanitas did, was just something else to make him unsure. Before that storm, Vanitas had been about to… but whether that was the truth or not, Ventus didn’t know. It would be so much easier if Vanitas defined their shared existence with an Unversed – no, a Versed.

Vanitas had responded to that name exactly as he’d hoped, and just that memory of his scandalized expression made Ven grin. Still, he had yet to figure out more names to drive Vanitas up the wall with. They were a good distraction from the horror that had come some nights ago, at the very least. Vanitas was keeping busy as well, trying to keep it all at bay by building and cooking and living with all his might. If it happened again, Ven wasn’t sure what they would do.

They’d be okay, he thought. They’d made it through the other ones, so they could make it through another. Maybe that was being hopeful, but he would rather live with hope than despair. Surely, Vanitas was much the same. Scratching the back of his neck, Vanitas looked at him with a much more relaxed expression.

“I… you want breakfast?” It was just past dawn, a time that Vanitas was loathe to be awake for. Despite what was going on, Vanitas still loved eating and sleeping so much. What Ventus really loved was the sight of him enjoying himself… even if food continued to vanish and crumbs appeared in the bed they now shared and Vanitas had no shame.

Vanitas had no shame about a lot of things, really. Some of them were nice, but some of them were awkward and some of them were annoying. The fact that he accepted his defeats with grace, that was nice. The fact that he threw Ventus into the ocean with the slightest provocation was annoying, if sometimes funny. And the fact that Vanitas inevitably followed up the act of throwing him into the ocean by diving in himself, that was a strange mixture.

Keeping their minds occupied felt like enough to stay strong for a little while longer. It had been years, sure. Still, Ventus got the feeling that their waiting was nearing its inevitable conclusion. Not knowing why, Ven had faith that it wouldn’t be long before he would leave. Terra and Aqua would bring his heart back, and he would take hold of Vanitas’s hands and pull him forward.

Maybe he would stumble into that pain and fear again. But Vanitas was standing next to him through it, so Ven would get up again and again. If Vanitas stumbled, he’d reach out as well. For a little while longer, they could bolster each other with their feelings. Soon enough… soon enough, he’d have his best friends back to help carry him.

“Well… what are you gonna make?” Both of them knew that whatever Vanitas put together, he would eat as well. It had been a lot of work, but there were things they could cook easily now. There were many more things that they still ruined, but Vanitas had a solid grasp of how long to cook rice, how much water to use, how much heat was necessary. The way he controlled the internal temperature of an Unversed, Ventus had no idea. It seemed lucky, like a fluke, that it had taken so little time to figure out. Maybe the heart they were in was more lenient with that kind of thing. Maybe Vanitas was a genius. As much as Ven wanted to call it the latter, it seemed more likely that it was the former. Once they went back outside, they were going to have to learn a lot more precision.

Then again, once that happened they’d have things to cook with besides Unversed.

“Eggs?” They did have eggs. Ven could accept that. Admittedly, he would have accepted an entire chicken if Vanitas had decided he had the patience for it so early in the morning. Vanitas never did – even things like fish were too annoying to him when he’d just woken. For a while longer, it seemed that Ven still wouldn’t eat the things that he’d once had for breakfast in Master Eraqus’s home.

Fish for dinner was fine, though. Their hands were no longer clumsy when it came to preparing them. Because he was stubborn, Vanitas was no good at that. Picking everything apart by being as thorough as possible while removing bones wasn’t particularly helpful.

“Sure, eggs sound good.” Maybe Vanitas would make him toast too. Even if neither of them would ever be able to bake something like Aqua, loaves of bread arrived regularly. Nothing he and Vanitas made would ever be able to compare to Aqua’s cooking, something Ventus hadn’t tasted in years.

Unlike the two of them, Aqua was so skillful. The food she’d made was always so delicious, savory meals and light, fluffy pastries, the scents filling the kitchen and wafting out as if to beckon him. They would never be able to replicate it, any of it. Compared to her dishes, what they made was so plain and even crude.

He wondered if Aqua would have been proud of him anyway.

Instead of letting himself dwell on that, Ven followed the other boy out of the shack, blinking owlishly in the sunlight. The gentle domesticity of their lives wasn’t bad at all. Training, making things, cooking. As long as what had happened didn’t happen again… no, even if it did they could keep going like that for a little while longer. They made good eggs now, finally having salt and pepper and so many other spices that he didn’t really recognize at their disposal. Knowing their tastes, he didn’t recall their names. They put them in the food nonetheless. Ventus found himself wishing more spices would wash up, because the process of Vanitas assessing them to figure out what they tasted like was something he could watch for hours.

Even if he’d had to yell at him for eating and wasting salt.

The methods that Vanitas had come up with were honestly funnier than they had any right to be. Ventus didn’t think he’d mention it, because that meant Vanitas would stop doing them out of embarrassment. As Vanitas prodded at the eggs with a chopstick, Ven simply observed that. Eventually he’d call up a Buckle Bruiser and banish the Red Hot Chili that was little more than an oven now. And indeed, that next Unversed was dropping into existence on the beach. Pulling the shields from his creation, Vanitas tucked one under his arm and held the other one out in front of the Red Hot Chili. Once it was pulled back in, the contents of the Unversed simply dropped onto the “plate”.

Ridiculous it may have been, but there was something cool about it at the same time. There was never any real cleaning to do, because only the utensils that Vanitas had stubbornly carved remained after they were done eating. Their “dishes” could just stop existing. With the Unversed, Vanitas could collect all their food waste and send it far off into the ocean – it was all biodegradable in theory after all, and if it didn’t simply decompose it at least never appeared again. The other option was to just let it pile up, and that wasn’t particularly feasible. All their shelf space was being taken up by shells, since the storms had washed up what could have been hundreds of them. He couldn’t exactly put a bunch of food scraps on those shelves anyway, and it would have been disgusting if he had.

Maybe they could start composting it, if Vanitas made something to put it all in. Then again, maybe it still wouldn’t rot.

“Ah.” Frowning, Vanitas looked back to the cave that had become a fully-stocked storage room with the rapid acquirement of more and more standing shelves. He’d remembered the only thing that needed to be washed, finally. Pursing his lips, Vanitas handed him a plate of eggs and vanished.

“Don’t get lost in there!” It wasn’t like that was possible, because Vanitas could see what he was doing clearly. Ventus got the strong feeling that low light was absolutely nothing to him, but even if he couldn’t see in the dimness he’d be fine. Vanitas had gleefully handed him a ball of light the previous night, grinning smugly at the fact that he’d created it himself. There were definitely other things they could do with it, more than a simple projection of light. He’d been trying, with at least a little success. If he finally figured it out himself, Ven thought he could at least rub that into Vanitas’s face.

Sitting down on the ground and setting the plate of eggs in his lap, Ven held both hands out palms-up and concentrated. If he could picture it, the image would form. That was how it had to work. His prior attempts hadn’t been particularly skillful, just blobs of color vaguely taking the shape he wanted.

Imagining it vividly, Ven watched an illusory copy of his Wayfinder taking unsteady form. Even if it was clumsy, it was something. He couldn’t touch it because it was nothing but light and color, but his memories had let him spin that light and color into something that meant something. Knowing he didn’t have enough time to really practice it, Ventus waved his creation away and looked to the cave that Vanitas had disappeared into. A few seconds later a wooden spoon fell from high into the air onto the plate with little ceremony, and Ven could only laugh.

It may have been early in the morning, but Vanitas was already up for messing around. Looking for him, Ven caught only the faintest glimpse of Vanitas. He took aim carefully, pretending that he had yet to figure out which tree his target was hidden within the leaves of. If he gave it away, there was no way Ven would be able to act the way he wanted. After making a show of it, Ven puffed his cheeks out in feigned exasperation and set the plate down on the ground.

Vanitas, surely, was snickering to himself. That was why he completely failed to predict it when Ventus dropped out of thin air onto him and knocked him right out of the tree in a flailing mess of limbs. Though he skillfully caught Vanitas’s flung fist with his cheek, it didn’t stop Ven from letting out a stream of strangled laughter as they tumbled to the sand. Black lightning struck the beach around them, Vanitas’s magic crackling on his skin and making his hair stand on end. That flustered expression, the face that Vanitas made having not expected a bit of what had just happened, was far more appetizing than the food he’d put aside. He’d trapped Vanitas with his weight, though they both knew that wasn’t the reality and Vanitas could throw him off as easily as brushing away cobwebs unless he latched on. He could easily latch on.

“Was it that surprising?” Vanitas’s hand covered his mouth, blocking off his smile so that Vanitas didn’t have to look at it. If he could make Vanitas more embarrassed, Ven thought that would be ideal. He’d been given an option, and he would snatch that opportunity up. If he took himself down in the process, that was fine. For the coveted sight of Vanitas crumpling in mortification, he’d do it.

With a wide smile that Vanitas couldn’t see, Ventus licked the palm that had slapped down over his lips.

He genuinely felt the chill that ran through Vanitas, his disgust palpable. It only made him grin wider, an almost unspeakable delight. If Vanitas hadn’t been fully awake before that moment, he was now.

“Ventus, you’re the _nastie_ _st_ \- ugh!”

He wasn’t sure what it was about that day that made him feel so inclined to fluster Vanitas as much as humanly possible. If it was a way of saying he cared, Ven could call himself idiotic and continue on that way with glee. Vanitas kneed him in the stomach before rolling him onto his back, and it was just as performative as what Ven had done. Aqua would have scolded him for it with gentle yet nagging words, but Vanitas was a lot more direct.

“You’re gross,” Vanitas told him bluntly, mincing no words. Ventus really did like that about him. They were equals who wouldn’t coddle one another. He could smile at that, and could laugh, and could…

Drop into the ocean with no warning whatsoever, released in midair by merciless hands.

What Ven heard once his head broke the surface again was something that he couldn’t deny was true.

“You deserved it!” Ven opened his mouth to offer a reply, and took Vanitas’s thick bicep across the throat as the other boy slammed him back underwater. The noise he made was undignified, but it was lost beneath the spray. They didn’t need to breathe, Ventus knew with his head. His heart wasn’t so confident. He didn’t feel like staying beneath the waves long enough to panic, and smacked Vanitas as hard as he could with the resistance of water in the way. It made his breath burst from him in a cloud of bubbles, and despite himself Vanitas wasted what little air he had left and began to laugh.

It was too early to mess with each other, and Ventus didn’t care in the slightest. Later it would grow oppressively hot again and they’d work up a sweat fighting under that grueling sunlight, but for now they could just play around. He fired a chunk of ice to chase Vanitas back up, and should have been knocked senseless by the one that slammed into him seconds later. Ven almost expected Vanitas to turn around to force him to the ocean floor, but it seemed that he was eager to fill his lungs as well. Taking another potshot for good measure, Ventus kicked his way back to air and eventually got his feet back under him.

Spitting out a mouthful of water, Vanitas leveled a dull expression toward him that was entirely false. It cracked a split second later, something goodnatured taking its place. The excitement that built inside him when Vanitas turned that face to him was the same thrill of falling to the sand with him in a flurry of punches that were simply a game or what made his heart pound when they clashed in order to grow stronger.

A relationship far more vitriolic than what he shared with Terra and Aqua was still something that was so much fun.

“Hey, Vanitas?” Before he could ask anything more, Vanitas was slapping him with a wet shirt. Ven pulled it from his face, the soaked fabric audibly peeling off him. Vanitas’s strangled laughter was ugly, but also something he would happily continue to listen to as he trudged after him back to shore. “Right, thanks a lot!”

“I won’t apologize, it’s what you get.” Pursing his lips, Ven launched a weak fireball that Vanitas swatted away with ease. He’d like to quarrel, really. Vanitas was sweeping his hair back, putting those pointed ears on display as droplets of seawater glistened on his pale skin and ran in rivulets down his body. Ven though he might like to comb his own fingers through those messy black locks. “Fine, what?”

“Hmmmmmm… maybe I won’t say, huh?”

“Need me to beat it out of you, Ventus?”

“Like you could, you haven’t beaten me once in here! Alright, though.” Ventus paused to wring the moisture from Vanitas’s discarded shirt, drawing out that moment for the sake of annoying Vanitas. He wasn’t getting his clothes back just yet, it was what he got for throwing the shirt in the first place. Vanitas was running his hands through his hair to comb the water out of it and sending it down the nape of his neck, pointedly ignoring him but still blatantly waiting on his words. They were close enough to each other that he could simply reach out, but Ven didn’t move. “Vanitas, are you… having fun here?”

“That’s gotta be one of the stupidest things you’ve ever asked me, Ventus.” Standing with the water lapping at his shins, Vanitas put one hand on his hip and extended the other to flick Ven’s forehead. Ven smacked it away too late, and Vanitas snatched his wrist in response. Vanitas’s hand was warm, even having been submerged in the cool ocean. Ven found himself swallowing nervously. More than just close enough to touch, Vanitas had drawn in so much that their noses were scant inches apart. The subdued but confident expression on his face had Ven’s heart starting to beat a wild staccato in his chest. Vanitas was completely sure of himself, cool and collected, and Ventus found himself increasingly anything but. “I’m not so keen on some things, but overall I’m far from dissatisfied to be here right now. In fact… never enjoyed myself more in my life, Ventus.”

“R-right. That’s, that’s good.”

“Sure. Here’s the thing though, Ventus…” Vanitas was maybe _too_ close for him to take. The thing? He didn’t know what it was. Something that Vanitas would tell him. “I’m not reheating your eggs, you idiot.”

 

That night, with an uncertain determination, Ventus pulled his undershirt off and climbed into bed bare-chested. That night, their eyes met and the cockiness that Vanitas had so clearly shown just as clearly faltered into hesitance. That night, words that he thought had to be the truth continued to go unspoken. That night…

That night, Vanitas rolled over on their cramped mattress. Knowing his heart was pounding hard and fast enough for Vanitas to feel it, Ven said nothing at all as strong arms wound around his middle and embraced him in the darkness. He said nothing, because against his back was a racing pulse just the same.

Neither of them fell out of bed ever again.


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's Xion time! More than one person has something important to talk about. Some very serious stuff is about to play out, so I'll let it speak for itself.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments, it's all I ask for!

Vanitas had said, “I’ll come find you,” and so rather than going to her own “room” Xion had thought that until he did, she’d sit with Roxas on the new bed and talk for a while. She felt like she was really getting the hang of lights now, a solid yet intangible sphere that hung above their heads with no support. Making it go away was a little harder, but for the moment it existing was what they wanted. Roxas opened his mouth and spoke, and Xion felt her heart begin to pound and ache.

“I saw Naminé, while you were still asleep.” The way he said it was so soft, but it hurt to hear. It was soft, gentle, but strained. He’d seen Naminé, and… “Xion, she remembers you.”

It was something she wanted to say was impossible, because it didn’t fit what she’d laid out in her mind. She was gone, merely a part of Sora’s heart, and so the only people who could ever possibly remember her were the people there with her. All the memories of “Xion” and her past existed inside Sora’s heart, and lived in no one else. But Naminé was…

“I wasn’t sure how to do it,” Roxas continued, and he was smiling even though he looked more like he wanted to cry. Not knowing what to say or do, Xion curled her fingers against her palms and found it too hard to meet his eyes. “I can’t really talk to her, I can’t make sound come out of Sora’s mouth. I can see what he’s seeing if it’s her, I just can’t do anything. But… I _can_ see her face, so I know she can see mine. For a really long time I’d wanted to say it, because I thought she probably still knew who you were. Now I know she does.”

“She… said something to you?” Roxas was being vague, making it hard for her to understand what he was trying to say. Whether he was happy or not, Xion didn’t really know. She didn’t know if she was happy either, to think that Naminé still knew her name. What Roxas was saying to her, Xion didn’t know how to feel or why he was saying it. “Roxas, I don’t… know what you’re saying.”

“Xion, I told her you were okay and she was so relieved she started crying.”

“But that doesn’t make any…” Naminé. A broken puppet had come to face her, and Naminé hadn’t treated her like a mistake. Her quiet voice from that day, a quiet voice that had said her name… Naminé had tried to help her do the right thing. Their hearts had touched, and such powerful emotions pounded within them. Could those same feelings still truly exist within them all?

“I want to do something for her,” Roxas said, and Xion nodded immediately. Her view of him was swimming, leaving his expression unclear. She wanted to talk, to simply have that moment that had been interrupted. A moment where Naminé could have told her what to do, taken her by the hand and brought her back to Sora’s side. A moment where Naminé could have helped her. “I just don’t know how. Where she is right now, we can’t get to her. And I don’t know how to talk to Ven and Vanitas about it, I don’t think I can explain it. But I, I want to see her. In Kairi’s heart, there’s… there’s no one else _there_ , Xion. I kept trying to push it away, I didn’t want to think about it, but she’s alone in there. I don’t know what to do, I thought that it was going to be… I don’t know what I thought was going to happen, it just wasn’t this. She wanted to be friends with us, but… Naminé’s all alone. She wanted to tell you that, that she…”

Roxas was crying, Xion knew. She couldn’t see him through her own tears. Axel had certainly met Sora again, hadn’t he? He was out in the world somewhere safe and sound, surrounded by others. He had to be. But Naminé lived within Kairi, and was alone.

Back then, had Naminé truly been smiling in her heart? Or had it been a…

The knock sounded on the door and startled the words right out of her head. It was for the best. Vanitas had told them to wait for him, so they could talk about what he felt they needed to talk about. The noise that reached them through the door when she sniffled was exasperated.

“What did I say to you two, huh? I gave you one task, and that was to not pass out.” Xion wiped her tears away with one hand, getting to her feet as Roxas buried his face in his hands and took a shuddering breath. They could have easily knocked themselves unconscious, doing the exact opposite of what Vanitas had asked. With her heart cringing in shame, Xion opened the door and found Vanitas standing there with his hands on his hips and a scowl affixed to his face. As soon as their gazes met, something in his eyes softened almost imperceptibly. “Oh, of course… Alright, whose light is that?”

“Huh?” Roxas looked up in confusion, letting her see the tracks lining his cheeks and making her chest feel even tighter. As if he could sense that, Vanitas pointed roughly to the little ball of light that was still suspended in the room. “O-oh. It’s, Xion made that.”

“Hm. It’s good. Xion, get rid of it.” How would she make the light go away? By imagining the space it was, without the light being there. By telling herself it wasn’t necessary. Just as unceremoniously as it had arrived, it vanished and plunged the shack back into shadow. As soon as it was gone, Xion felt stupid. Vanitas had said it so quickly and so firmly that she’d just done what he asked, but why? Telling her to extinguish what she’d made, it just seemed like a waste of time and effort. “Good. Roxas, you make one now.”

“What?” Vanitas, probably, could still see their expressions. Xion wasn’t so lucky. She and Roxas only had the faint starlight that framed Vanitas as he leaned against the doorway, far too little to make out anything beyond vague shapes. The faint creeping sensation on her skin told her that Vanitas was making something, but what that feeling was and what shape it took were a mystery in that darkness.

“Make a light, you heard me.” A painfully long second stretched between them, and then something was flickering between Roxas’s cupped hands. Unlike her, Roxas hadn’t been spending much time playing with what they could do within Sora’s heart. His light wasn’t as bright, could even be seen through, but it was more than enough to illuminate the shack again. There was no sign of whatever Vanitas had made, giving her no insight as to what it had been. “Good. There. Calmer?”

She was. Focusing on undoing her work had settled her heart a little, and from Roxas’s frown he was coming to the same conclusion. It had just been a distraction, an order meant to take their minds off what they’d been hurt by. What Vanitas had made, she thought, had floated high above the shack. Its master wanted them to stop crying and smile instead. The swirl of energy that returned to him clearly stated that it was no longer needed.

“Uh… thank y-”

“Forget it, just didn’t want you dropping. Whatever’s got you two so upset…” Studying their faces, Vanitas trailed off. As he glanced between them, his brow furrowed. Not meeting anyone’s eyes, Xion instead looked to the ground. “Ah, I get it. Missing someone, huh. Who? Axel? Or… hey, about Na- no, forget it. Some other time.”

Why was it that in that moment, he sounded so sad?

“You can still talk about it. If you need to have a heart-to-heart… ha, well, you can do whatever you want. But I came here with something in mind, so tell me now if you’d rather I turn right back around and leave. It’s your call.” When neither of them spoke, Vanitas nodded as if satisfied by the result. “Right, well. I’m not going to make you answer my questions, but I’m going to ask them for a reason. You get that?”

“Y… yes?” At least, Xion thought she did. It almost felt as if it was a trick question, but Vanitas was scratching the back of his neck and sitting down on the floor with his legs crossed. Not knowing what else to do, Xion closed the door again and settled back down next to Roxas. “What do you want to know about?”

Not answering them at first, Vanitas held both of his hands out palms-up. If she hadn’t known better from his expression and body language, Xion thought she might have assumed he was asking for something. Instead, as an Unversed that she knew was hesitation formed behind Vanitas, he painted an image into the air above his hands of a Keyblade that she knew belonged to him. It looked so much like the one he’d carved, so it was surely his. But it was just a demonstration, leading into what he truly was planning to do.

“I’m going to show you some things,” Vanitas said slowly, “And if it’s familiar, if you recognize it, you tell me why.”

Wordlessly, Roxas nodded. Rolling that idea around in her head, Xion did as well. It wasn’t something particularly hard to grasp. In fact, there was little that was easier than that.

The illusion in Vanitas’s grasp warped and shifted, turning to a Keyblade she had never seen before. It was far, far larger than the Keyblade Vanitas had recreated with wood, something that might have been taller than she was. There were teeth on both sides of the tip, a key chain that looked like a fragment of rock hanging from a grip of cool, blue metal. She had never seen a Keyblade even close to that size before, and Vanitas could clearly see it in her eyes. Roxas shook his head as well – whoever it belonged to, they had never seen it.

“Then…” Again, a Keyblade. This one was far smaller and thinner, an ornate wrought-iron decorated with diamond shapes and teeth that were a cut-out rather than solid. Its key chain resembled water droplets, but it remained unfamiliar. She had no idea. Rather than looking at them, Vanitas was focusing on the image he’d created.

“No,” Roxas said quietly, looking a little reluctant to speak.

“Sorry, I don’t recognize it either.”

“Figures.” The image vanished entirely, Vanitas bringing his hands together. With a breath that was clearly him settling his nerves, he spread them apart again and a woman’s smiling face appeared between them.

The first thing that Xion thought was that she was very beautiful, with clear blue eyes that showed both an endless kindness and unshakable determination. Her hair was cut short and framed her full cheeks, though the ends flipped outwards around her neck. A gentle smile graced her lips, the smile of someone who held love in her heart and would fight for it. She didn’t recognize that woman in the slightest, but Xion thought she knew who she was gazing upon.

“Is that… Aqua?”

Vanitas grunted his assent, but from the look in his eyes he’d already figured out that it was an educated guess. Roxas was shaking his head again. Aqua was someone they had never met, and… somehow, Vanitas seemed so much smaller having learned that.

Her lovely features rippled, replaced by those of an older man with high cheekbones and stern, dark eyes. A scar bisected the corner of his right eye, another stretching up from his jaw on the left side. His black hair was tied up, a tidy mustache and beard… an older man, but the fact that Vanitas didn’t seem particularly nervous to be recreating his image told her that this wasn’t his former master.

“No good… well, that’s what I expected. That’s Ventus’s master, Eraqus. Probably, he’s already…” Though Vanitas didn’t continue, she feared the end of that sentence was “gone.” Eraqus’s face faded as well, and what came next…

Younger than she recalled, with hair that was far too short for the long ponytail she knew him to wear and not yet streaked with stripes of silver. Rather than the patch she was used to, his right eye was bandaged – a fresh wound that had taken his sight. His cheek was the same, an injury that would one day be a scar. Xion felt her pulse begin to pick up, and Roxas tensed beside her. Though he didn’t look exactly the way she remembered, it was completely undeniable. His voice was ringing in her ears, a playfulness that didn’t match the masked cruelty of his words. Vanitas could see it on their faces, she thought.

“You know him.”

“I’ve never seen him look so young,” Roxas said quietly, and Xion hoped that she wasn’t truly shaking as hard as she felt she was.

“Poppet,” he had called her. Knowing all along what she was, he had hidden it in plain sight with mocking words. She’d been too stupid to recognize them for what they’d meant. A joke that only she and Roxas hadn’t been in on.

Puppet, Xigbar had called her.

“Xigbar. He was number-”

Vanitas was frowning now, shaking his head. “That’s not his… No, no. Where do you know him from? Not… not your Organization?”

Their silence betrayed assent, and finally Roxas managed to speak again. “He was number two.”

“A Nobody, then. Xigbar, that’s not his name. His name is… was, I suppose. I never spoke to him, but I knew who he was. His name was Braig. Not surprised that he would lose his heart to darkness. He worked for the… for Xehanort.”

Now, she knew that Vanitas could see her shaking. He was unnerved by her reaction and the fact that they had both known his face, by the words Roxas had spoken. When he’d been human, Xigbar had worked for Xehanort. Xion didn’t know what it meant, but it had her heart in a cold grip. The members of the Organization, they didn’t remember who they’d once been. Wasn’t that right? Axel’s faint memories of his past life, they hadn’t been something the others shared. That was what she had always thought, but the possibility that that had also been a lie was pounding in her mind with her pulse.

Had _they_ worked for…

This time, Xion knew the man whose face she was looking at was Xehanort. Cruel yellow eyes, a face lined with age, a silver beard that was the only hair he had besides thin eyebrows the same hue. Behind him was the face of his former student, tense and full of…

Hope, though she had no idea why.

Xion shook her head, and watched that hope in Vanitas’s eyes die.

Rather than another face, what Vanitas replaced Xehanort with was a Keyblade. It was massive and brutal-looking, bearing the same eerie eye that she’d seen on Vanitas’s. That eye shined with an almost unnatural light, disconcerting, unsettling. The guard was complex, a design worked into its metal – the head of a goat, with long, long horns and eyes like crystals.

“I don’t know it,” Roxas said. “Before coming here I’d never seen any Keyblades besides mine and Xion’s, and Sora’s. Xion, have you?”

“No, just ours. I didn’t even know others existed.”

From that, Vanitas was simply confused. But the hands he’d extended were unsteady, and the image that he began to create flickered and warped as if he couldn’t keep it still. Jettisoning several more Unversed of the same kind Vanitas banished some of his hesitation, and the picture above his hands stabilized, and alarm bells were screaming within her mind.

Roxas’s breathing was uneven as the weight of his realization settled over him. Far, far more than what had come with seeing Xigbar’s face, Xion was trembling. All she could do was clutch Roxas’s arm, both for his sake and her own.

It wasn’t exactly the same. His eyes were wrong, a brilliant blue rather than golden. His hair was wrong, far shorter, a deep, rich brown instead of glittering silver. His ears were wrong, even his skin was wrong. But she knew, and Vanitas knew she knew, and she didn’t know who the man in that illusion was to Vanitas but to her, to Roxas, the man who smiled with such pride before them was…

“He doesn’t look the same,” was all that Roxas said, and so Xion was the one who made herself say it.

“The superior,” she whispered, and Vanitas’s image crumbled alongside his expression. He laughed a bitter laugh and pressed one hand to his eye as he leaned back. And then his laugh became only uglier, louder, less restrained, something that hurt her ears to listen to. Within seconds, that bitterness was gone and replaced entirely by something unhinged, wrong.

Vanitas couldn’t have been further from happiness.

“The master took him after all,” Vanitas laughed, and the foulness of that laugh was because it was really nothing but strangled sobs. “Of course! Of course, I should have known. I did know! I didn’t want to believe it! I knew he wasn’t gone, I knew they didn’t win, I knew that your Organization had something to do with-!”

Roxas’s shoulders were jerking, and what he said made her heart feel like it was being ripped into pieces. “Vanitas, is… is that Terra?”

Now, there wasn’t a hint of laughter in the sound that came from Vanitas’s shaking body.

His hope had been that they’d recognize Xehanort’s real face, so that what was happening in that moment wouldn’t be the truth.

“Not anymore! Xemnas, who’s that supposed to be? It’s just the master!” She was going to vomit. There was nothing she could vomit up. It was Xehanort. The person whose image had fallen apart in Vanitas’s hands as he fell apart had been Terra, and Terra was gone, and only Xehanort remained. Could that really be the truth? Could something so cruel be true? “You can’t tell him! You can’t tell Ventus, promise me! Promise me you won’t tell him!”

“But Xemnas can’t be – Xemnas was a Nobody!” Roxas’s sharp outburst did nothing to quell Vanitas’s choking sobs. Through her overflowing tears, Xion could see Roxas’s furious ones. Xemnas was Terra, was Xehanort. It meant something unspeakably horrifying.

“ _Is_ _that so_ _!?_ And how do you know that’s not another lie? _You_ have hearts, he lied to you about that! Maybe he was never a Nobody at all, huh!? No, no what’s his plan, what is he doing? Thirteen, thirteen, I don’t know what that means! And _Sora_ made contact with him!? I was sleeping like an idiot, and everything could have been over! I’m still sleeping, I can’t do anything!”

“He was, he was a Nobody and Sora destroyed him! He’s back on Destiny Islands, if he wasn’t gone Sora wouldn’t have gone home, he’s gone. Vanitas he’s gone, Xemnas is gone! I saw Kairi and Riku, I saw Naminé, they’re all home again so he’s _gone_. Sora stopped him!”

With a grin that was almost feral, Vanitas laughed the words out through his tears. “I don’t believe you!”

“But he _can’t_ have won, Vanitas!”

“He always had backups, he taught me the importance of that! The master always had plans for when plans failed, he always had some way to twist anything to suit him. Everything! I can’t… A _Nobody_ , what a joke! Like he’d ever be in those circumstances, he was lying! He – and he almost, Ventus’s heart, he could have taken it again, if he met Sora then he-! He knows who Sora is, it’s written all over his face because it’s _my_ face! Just looking at him he’d know Sora was the one who saved Ventus, he knows we’re here. I messed it up again, he knows because of me! Thinking I could ever really hide something from him, I was just deluding myself! We’re sitting ducks in here and there’s _nothing_ I can do to stop him! The master could have taken us back at any point and we would never have been able to see it coming. For all I know, he’s already found Ventus’s body to use next! I can’t protect him, I can’t protect anyone! I-if he calls for me, I, I’ll go back, I’ll go back to him! I’m still-!”

“We helped him,” Xion sobbed, wishing she could vomit, wishing she could sleep. They’d helped Xehanort, they’d done his bidding like idiots without having a clue who he truly was from the start. They hadn’t understood a thing. She’d helped the person who had done such horrible things, she’d helped someone who had callously torn lives apart, she’d helped someone who had taken the heart of a child and-

“It’s, no it’s not your fault, it’s. The, the master knows how to manipu- of course he wanted Roxas, of course! Looking just like Ventus, of course he took him! He took you because…” Vanitas’s choked-up voice became so quiet and lost, for just a moment. “He… he replaced me?”

Despite it all, that realization seemed to make Vanitas so small.

“B-because I wasn’t good enough, he got a new… he took you because I was a bad so- a bad, apprentice.” Vanitas was weeping before them, carrying that guilt for something that… that _wasn’t_ … “It’s my fault. He took you because I failed him, what happened to both of you is because of me. Ventus’s heart is here and his body is vulnerable because of what I did. “Xemnas” is my fault, the master took him because I helped him!”

The air was so heavy, the pressure that came from the creation of Unversed. They were everywhere, filling the shack, and yet Vanitas wasn’t calming down a bit. Despite how many he’d made and how much he’d released, he was more worked up than ever. What could she say? What could she do? All Xion knew was that…

“That’s not true, you didn’t do this!”

Now, it was Roxas who was laughing. She couldn’t understand it, even as Vanitas yanked at his hair and curled in on himself with his cold sweat glistening in the light that Roxas had made. “Stupid, I’m so stupid! Sora said it! When he saw Riku, how did I miss it? It didn’t even register, even when Ven told me his name! “Xehanort’s Heartless”, that’s what he called-!”

“Wh- that can’t be, that doesn’t make any sense! The master’s in control of his darkness, he wouldn’t fall, he can’t have a Heartless! It’s not possible! If he, then _Terra_ was, T-Terra can’t have, _no_ not, this can’t be happening, I don’t know anything. I don’t understand a single thing, I never did! And I just pretended I was strong, I pretended I wasn’t afraid and that I didn’t care, I pretended that once I had it in my hands I’d be able to beat him once and for all! It was always a lie! Who was I trying to fool? I was _made_ to be a pawn. Of course Sora ended up crossing his path, _I’m_ here! Wherever I go, he’ll show up eventually. All I managed by disappearing was to postpone it! He created me, of course he can find my heart no matter where I go! He, he still has a use for me! I’m still worth something, it’s only a matter of time. I was, I was always part of the plan! Me, Ventus, Te… Terra, Terra is…”

She hated it, how with every second that passed Vanitas seemed to unravel more and more. “Vani-”

“I didn’t come here. You understand? I didn’t come here, I didn’t talk to you, I got myself upset and left our bedroom, I was never here. Understand!? I, I’ll figure something out, just! Ventus can’t know about Terra!”

It was wrong to lie. Knowing that, Xion couldn’t stop her weeping. They had to do it, didn’t they? Vanitas hadn’t been in the shack with them. They knew nothing. They’d keep that lie, because the truth could plunge Ven into a sleep he’d never wake up from. The person whose orders she’d followed blindly for so long, he had always been Xehanort. Ven had been wrong, and a person who meant the world to him was gone. His brother, his _brother_ was-

“Axel, I want Axel!” Her tears were burning down her cheeks as those words rose up from the depths of her heart. Axel wasn’t with them, couldn’t do anything, couldn’t even give them a comforting lie. His warm hands that had gently held hers, his arms that had carried her, they were nowhere to be found. Everything had fallen apart. They’d all been pawns, and now every one of them was gone.

Wind pulled at her hair, at her clothes, at the sheets on the bed. It whipped around its source, a boy who clutched his head and rocked back and forth as the light faltered. Energy was swirling around Vanitas now, and the look in his eyes as they finally met hers was scared.

“I, I didn’t let enough out…” More and more Unversed were starting to form around him, falling apart, taking shape, falling apart, and then he was scrambling to his feet and bolting from the shack completely. Roxas, jumping to follow, hadn’t realized the reason why he had fled. Too late she reached for his hand to hold him back, and grabbed nothing but empty air.

“Roxas, don’t!”

Her words were lost in it, an explosion that rattled her very bones.


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see everyone enjoyed the cliffhanger! Glad to hear it, because there will be more in the future. I could have extended the drama with a Ven chapter but that would have been intentionally cruel. My cruelty is always incidental. A lot went down in the last chapter, huh? Well, let's see how it all shakes out.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented, you're what keeps me posting!

The massive boom that shook the entire island, there was no way anyone could sleep through that. It destroyed Roxas’s balance, had him slamming against the wall of the shack after stumbling. Even as she rose to catch him, the metallic clang that pierced her ears seemed to freeze her solid.

It was a cell door being slammed – that was what it sounded like.

What Xion saw as she and Roxas burst from the shack was like something out of a nightmare. The Unversed that had forced itself from Vanitas was the largest she’d ever seen, easily twice her height and closer even to three times it. Its massive hands were bigger than her entire body, a humanoid figure that towered over them with cruel red eyes, a head bearing four wicked horns. Whether it was a person or not, Xion couldn’t say. A beast that had stood up on two legs, an Unversed that Vanitas hadn’t wanted to make. What it held was an enormous hammer wreathed in flames, but that fire wasn’t the only thing illuminating the beach.

Curled up in a ball, Vanitas was shuddering within a heavy cage meant only for one. It was his cage, the cage he had been pushed into from the moment he’d been born, a cage with no door. Having surely leapt from bed, Ven was on the beach as well now. With his arms straining, he had taken a hold of that glowing metal and was pulling at it with all his might. His hands were smoking, the cage had caught flame, but he didn’t let go and the thick iron bars didn’t budge. Her head was spinning. It was too hard to breathe.

“Vanitas, what’s-”

“I’m never going to escape from him, never! Even though I died, I never got away!” Vanitas was rattled – no, hysterical. His gaze was flicking around constantly, from her to Ven to Roxas to his own creations and back, over and over and over. He’d lost his grasp on his feelings and he’d lost his grasp on his own power. The sand around him was swirling, flung by the energy picking up all around him. Paranoid, terrified of reality, Vanitas was a whirlwind of rampant emotion as something cruel faced them down. “ _I’m_ the ghost, so why is it me who’s being haunted!?”

Frozen in place by the sight of that looming demon, Xion couldn’t move even as Roxas lunged forward to put himself between her and it. Ven, panting as fire licked at his arms and seared his skin, shaking from exertion or fear or both, found himself being answered. Despite his words, Vanitas clearly hadn’t given up. Other Unversed were forming, manifestations of fear and despair and hatred, but among them was something she remembered from a day now long past.

It didn’t take long for the hostile Unversed to do it, something Xion had never seen another Unversed do. That thing wasn’t obeying Vanitas, and it was as if she’d been encased in ice. Vanitas, held hostage by his emotions in such a disturbingly literal way, couldn’t do anything to call that monster back. She knew he couldn’t. It wasn’t listening to him, wouldn’t follow his commands, wouldn’t do as he wished, wouldn’t stop.

It wasn’t listening to him, because it was reaching for Ven.

“I won’t let you!”

Something lashed out, with lightning speed and an ear-piercing clamor. Dark red chains were catching the manifestation of it – of everything that had haunted Vanitas since the first day he’d opened his eyes as himself. They wound tight, trapping its arms to its chest even as it writhed against the sudden restriction. Shackles were locking around its wrists and ankles, the hammer it had once held falling from its hands and melting away. And pieces of another Unversed were gathering, three that came together into one shape far larger than that aggressor.

Xion should have known that the hands that had kept her anchored back then had been part of something greater.

“You’re _not_ going to do that,” Vanitas ground out, and though his eyes still shone with terror, there was a hatred in them that was far, far stronger. It wasn’t truly him, and it didn’t matter. To Vanitas, it was the same. Perhaps something besides that monster was being seen by Vanitas’s heart – a different monster, one that took the shape of a man. “I won’t let you touch him again, so _disappear!_ ”

Armored hands reached for a cage, and ripped it to pieces.

Ven had no context for it, for any of it. He had no Keyblade in his blackened hands and no hesitation in his eyes as he jumped to his feet. Whatever they were, the emotions now physically warring in front of them, Ven wasn’t afraid of them. That titanic armored Unversed tossed the warped metal of the cage aside, and what Ven threw to Vanitas was a blade of pure energy that had gathered at his back. Vanitas’s arm was wrenched back as soon as his fingers wrapped around the hilt, the muscles of his arm bulging as he fought against… something, something to do with that weapon.

Xion didn’t know when it had happened, but she was sitting on the ground with her legs having given out. No better was Roxas, who couldn’t tear his eyes from the scene before them where Unversed clashed with Unversed in a struggle that was increasingly unbalanced. The armor was stronger, larger, and a hand that dwarfed Xion in size shot out to grasp the horned head of its opponent. If it squeezed, she thought it would be easier than crushing a grape.

“Vanitas, do it!”

The blade in Vanitas’s hand was enveloped in a dazzling light, a burst of orange-tinged energy that coated the entirety of the weapon as Vanitas hefted it. Whatever force had been trying to rip it from his hand vanished, leaving him free to use it. What he was going to do, what Ven was going to do, what they were both preparing to do, was something they mustn’t do. If they attacked an Unversed with those shimmering blades, Vanitas would be-

Opening her mouth to cry out, Xion’s voice was lost in the sound of an enormous body hitting the beach with an impact that shook the ground beneath her. Covering her ears instinctively, she was on her feet again before she knew it. Roxas, hesitating visibly, had the beginnings of a fireball gathering in his outstretched hand. Xion wondered if he was feeling the same thing she was – if Roxas’s hesitation was because he simply wanted to run from that demon rather than facing it. The chains around its arms were straining, the links warping. Vanitas’s warring emotions, which would emerge victorious? For a moment it had seemed that the armored Unversed couldn’t lose, but even pinned to the sand the restrained beast was struggling. Its cloven legs were breaking from their shackles, even as Ven and Vanitas raced forward and the armored Unversed began to charge up some kind of attack.

What that Unversed was, Xion was certain. Rather than a single emotion, it was a flood of them. The hulking figure of it was built of an endless sea of fear and misery and dread that centered entirely around one man, and Vanitas was staring it down with furious eyes and a charged blade and

 

A moment of terrified hesitation, as that Unversed looked at him.

With a painful, grating creak, the chains he had formed around that rogue, overpowering manifestation gave entirely. The blast of energy that came from it breaking free knocked the armor back, scattering it back into three distinct Unversed that were too dazed to regroup, dispelling the power it had gathered in a crackling fizzle. Vanitas’s grunt of pain told her that it had hurt him – his emotions, given shape, could still of course be hurt by the blows they rained upon one another. Having shielded her ears, she’d missed it when it had come before. If they struck it would hurt Vanitas, but his own feelings could hurt each other and him at the same time. Ven dove out of the way of the first swing of a hammer that had returned to existence, summoned as easily as the Keyblades they could no longer call upon to protect themselves. He tucked and rolled as he hit the ground, landing once more on his feet and looking around wildly to regain his bearings.

“He was a child,” Vanitas spat, drawing his fist back and letting loose with a flurry of fireballs both from himself and the three scattered pieces of the armored Unversed. He’d grabbed hold of one segment, had leapt onto it to attack from the air. He was _attacking_ it, Ven was attacking it, the other Unversed, all of them. They were all firing on it, Ven charging his own magic and aiming even as Vanitas continued to shout. “ _I_ was a child! We were children! We were children and you betrayed us! You were supposed to be our master! You were supposed to protect us!”

Despite it all, there was so much fear in Vanitas’s voice.

“ _Vanitas!_ ” It staggered Ven, the blow that he caught with the swords at his back. He was forced back by it, and the panic in Vanitas’s eyes said everything. Frozen, he didn’t know what to do – attack, or defend. Continue on the offensive, or run to Ven. They were all frozen, everyone but Ven who was struggling back to his feet. Trying to shake off his fear, Vanitas was faltering and with the sight of that Xion understood something horrible.

That thing was growing stronger.

Its weapon was back, and it had broken free of everything Vanitas had caught it in. Everything that Vanitas had forced out and sought to overcome was so strong, why was it so strong? Because Vanitas had looked it in the eyes and remembered everything, it was-

scary, Xemnas was scary, Xehanort was scary, a man who could reach into her heart and _change_ her a man that she was never going to get away from

There was a cage around her and though it caught fire, those flames were freezing cold. Xion heard Roxas’s voice over the screaming of her pulse in her ears, all of Vanitas’s rejected feelings reaching her directly through what had locked around her. She couldn’t move,

she couldn’t breathe something was closing around her neck like metal she was trapped by it and she would never ever escape

her heart was never going to be free of it she was still just a puppet dancing on strings

“Xion!” It was Ven who was yelling her name now, his voice high and filled with alarm. Though he’d jumped out of range, was perched on another piece of the armored beast that fought for them, his eyes betrayed that he was now paralyzed as well. Ven didn’t know what to do. Vanitas didn’t know what to do. There was nothing anyone could do.

“ _No!_ ” No matter how loudly he cried out, no matter how much he rejected it, Vanitas couldn’t save her. “You stay away from her!”

Something hit her prison like the weight of a train, and when she opened her eyes that she’d closed in fear it was to see the massive jaws of an enormous white bear closing around the bars. But it wasn’t going to do any good, nothing could break her out of it. No one could possibly just rescue her, it couldn’t be done, even though Roxas was rushing forward to try and destroy those bars there was simply no way they could win out against something so cruel and with a bone-chilling _clank_ it was Roxas as well, trapped and shivering under what he could never hope to escape

The clatter of chains drew her gaze, Vanitas lunging forward with eyes that burned with anger. They were manifesting again, heavy iron chains that had once been broken, thick shackles. This time, a shell of metal encased its legs entirely with an echoing clang.

“Vanitas, go! I believe in you!”

The blade in Vanitas’s hand was surging as he launched himself from his armored creation, a blade that Ven had freely given to him with all the faith in his heart. He launched himself at the monster that had coalesced from everything Vanitas felt, and when he landed on its shoulders in a rain of fire it was with furious cry.

“You _don’t_ touch them, you _don’t_ touch me!” It was something Xion had never seen before. She had never seen this side of Vanitas, every inch of his body shaking with a rage that boiled over even as tears continued to spill down his cheeks. With her own body trembling, still unable to even think in the face of her terror, Xion watched Vanitas raised a blade that glowed with his strength and Ven’s joined together. If Vanitas did it, what would happen to him? “And you do _not_ tell me what to do, you sick, sadistic old man!”

He _mustn’t_ -

“ _You are_ _not_ _my master!_ ”

It shattered around her as he drove it down, everything, and Xion didn’t know if the agonized roar that pierced through her came from the beast or its owner. Her panicked heart couldn’t register it, if what she was hearing could possibly be his voice, and though she knew it was over her head was spinning. It was over, as something that represented an unfathomable evil screamed and died and every emotion that Vanitas had pushed out fell apart.

She fell apart as well, curled up on the ground and clutching her sides as the explosion of energy of a defeated Unversed washed over her and burned out. Though he was drawing it back inside, the embodiment of something that had haunted him for years finally contained once more, Vanitas was tumbling downward. The creature he’d found purchase on was gone, siphoned back into its source and leaving him with nowhere for his exhausted, injured heart to stand. The weapon he’d borne had shot back to its creator, who was diving now with wings made of pure light.

An angel chased a shooting star as it fell from the heavens, and all she could do was bear witness as he cried out a name.

They hit the ground together, two hearts that had met in midair and now held on so that they couldn’t be torn apart. No, so that they couldn’t be torn apart again. So that they could never be torn apart again.

Unsteady, Xion could barely sit up once more. Roxas was curled up on his side, his eyes closed and his breathing heavy. Feeling as if she would simply collapse once more and be lost to sleep, Xion saw it when Vanitas ripped it from his face. What lingered of that mask, he dug his fingers beneath it and wrenched it free and when he threw it aside it melted into nothingness. It would never come back.

Vanitas would never hide from them again.

It hadn’t been him, but it didn’t matter. In himself, Vanitas had found a courage she didn’t think he had known existed there. But it beat in his chest, and she knew that he had the strength to speak those words again. Vanitas would be able to say them to the person who they were truly for, the person who had no place in his heart.

A hand found hers, warm and solid and real, and when Xion looked it was to see Roxas’s pained grin. Taking hold of that hand tightly, she let herself crumble. It didn’t matter, because Roxas was there with her. No matter how scary things had become or how hopeless it had seemed, Roxas had always come running to her side. That wouldn’t ever be erased.

In the screaming silence, she heard him whisper a sentence that somehow healed her.

“Naminé wanted to tell you, “Next time, let’s all be friends”.”

With her own smile blooming, Xion closed her eyes.

 

“It’s sweet,” Vanitas said finally, as they considered that star-shaped fruit that they’d divided in half. They only had the one, unless they climbed that tree and plucked another from it. Ven didn’t want to do that. The one they had was fine, and Vanitas was right. It was so sweet that he thought the taste might never leave his mouth. Even so, because it was delicious they both simply continued to eat – a ripe, juicy fruit with a flavor unlike anything he’d ever tasted, something so sweet that Ventus almost felt it had left a permanent mark on his heart. For one person, it would have been far too much.

“Yeah.”

Shared instead, it seemed just right.

 

“ _And mark my words – he will trouble us yet again. We must be ready. Which is why you, Sora and Riku, are to be tested-_ ”


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a chapter where not much happens at all! But maybe it's a welcome break. It actually begins with the last line of the last chapter, which will not continue to be a thing as more lines from DDD appear in this manner. I just wanted the last chapter to end with that "this is where we're going" indicator.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented! You're why I post.

“ _And mark my words – he will trouble us yet again. We must be ready. Which is why you, Sora and Riku, are to be tested-_ ”

 

Roxas didn’t know how long it had been since he’d lost consciousness. In fact, he couldn’t even remember why he was lying on his side on the ground in the first place, or even where he was. The daylight, dim as it was, meant it wasn’t the World That Never Was or Twilight Town. And everything was hazy, his vision blurred. It almost felt like someone had pulled a filter over his eyes, making everything he saw look faded. The air was cold, cold enough to make him shiver.

Roxas sat abruptly, looking around what he now recalled was the innermost part of Sora’s heart. It had been a while since he’d woken disoriented, not remembering that this was the only home he had left. And his home was…

 _Not_ the way he remembered it.

Squinting, Roxas rubbed his eyes and the film that seemed to be over them didn’t vanish. It wasn’t a film at all – in Sora’s heart, a cold mist had gathered. With a frown, he finally truly looked around and found the beach to look much like the site of a chain of explosions. As his mind filled in the details of what had happened before he’d fallen asleep, Roxas thought it wasn’t entirely wrong. Beside him, still holding on to his hand, was Xion who had yet to awaken. Her chest was rising and falling slowly and her expression was calm, but shaking her wouldn’t be enough to rouse her. Not wanting to let go, Roxas instead just continued to survey the damage that had come from such a harsh realization.

There were deep indents all over the beach, barely smoothed out by wind and water, the impacts from titanic Unversed being slammed to the ground. In time, everything would even out again. It was simply displaced sand no more than a few inches deep, and the scale of what had happened cemented it in Roxas’s mind. Nothing they did was able to permanently alter the structures of Sora’s heart.

Lying in the largest of those craters were Ven and Vanitas, both of them blatantly unconscious. It was hard to tell from where he was, but Roxas was fairly certain he knew what he’d see if he went over to check on them. Both of them would be asleep in a tight embrace, unwilling to let go even as they slumbered. Unwilling himself to let go of Xion, Roxas instead struggled to get her on his back with his still-weak body. He felt woozy enough just supporting his own weight, but it was important to make sure that Ven and Vanitas were truly okay. Once he was sure they were, Roxas thought he could simply bring Xion to the closest bed – his, that he had yet to actually sleep in himself – and then figure out what to do.

Stumbling like an idiot through the fog and the chill, Roxas finally noticed that there was another thing on the beach with them.

It looked at him with steely eyes, something that had undeniably come from Vanitas from the mark on its forehead. He hadn’t noticed it before, because it had been directly behind him until he’d gotten up and started walking. The thing was massive enough that it could easily be ridden on, a bear with snow-white fur that wore what could have been a saddle, could have been thick leather armor, might genuinely be both. Unsure of it, Roxas only stared at the thing.

Whatever it was, Versed or Unversed, an emotion he couldn’t yet grasp, it was… following him.

“Uh… hello.” That was one of the stupidest things he had ever done, talking to something that he didn’t think was truly even alive much less sentient. There was no way it would understand him. All the bear did was let out a strange grunting bark, something that probably wasn’t genuinely a response. Roxas wanted to believe it was, because if the bear _could_ somehow understand him that would make him less of a complete moron. When he began to walk again, it began to walk as well. That, Roxas wasn’t imagining. The bear was definitely following him, plodding along on enormous paws larger than his head. “Right, okay… so what are you and what are you trying to do…”

Knowing he really was just talking to himself, Roxas decided there were worse things to do. No one was awake to talk to, which meant no one was awake to make fun of him for it. Wanting to rub his arms as if it would banish the cold that made his skin prickle, Roxas simply made his way across the beach.

As he’d expected, in the center of that crater Ven and Vanitas were wrapped around each other. Even if he’d wanted to do it, Roxas was confident that he wouldn’t be able to pry them apart. It meant that carrying them to their bed might not be feasible, unless he somehow managed to sling them both over that bear’s back and made it understand what he wanted of it.

No, but that thing definitely couldn’t climb a ladder.

Roxas wished that he could ask them about the fog. Mist over the water wouldn’t have been a surprise, because it was something they saw sometimes early in the morning. What was happening was something different. It was cold in a way he’d never known, a tropical island abandoned by the sun’s warmth. That fog kept it away. Knowing what he did about the weather in Sora’s heart, Roxas could only wonder what it meant. Since he had no one to ask and no good ideas, he unsteadily carried Xion to the shack and tried to settle her into his bed as gently as possible. It was clumsy and he was dizzy, needing to sit on the edge of the mattress and bury his face in his hands in the hopes that the world would stop spinning around him soon. But Xion didn’t wake up, which was what Roxas had reluctantly expected.

The bear was too big to follow him through the door, but it was staring in at him intently. Unnerved by how little he understood about the thing, Roxas stayed put. Certainly, it wasn’t anything hostile. He didn’t even get a bad feeling from it. He was just… confused. He’d woken up confused, and he was still confused.

Outside the shack the sunlight was somehow dimmer. Looking out to the beach, Roxas felt a growing sense of unease settle queasily in the pit of his stomach. The weather changing, minor as it seemed, couldn’t mean anything good. If heavy wind and choppy seas came with battle, what could the clouds that rolled in be a sign of?

And if a storm _was_ coming, how could it be that Sora was fighting once more?

 _“I don’t believe you,”_ Vanitas had laughed out through his tears.

Was it really possible that it wasn’t over?

“Please just be mad at Riku,” Roxas muttered. There was no way he could walk off and leave Ven and Vanitas lying on the beach to get rained on if the skies grew dark and the clouds opened up. Before that happened, if it was going to, he’d have to at least try to get them out to shelter. Getting back to his feet, Roxas found himself a little steadier. Axel surely would have been able to pick them up and carry them, but Roxas didn’t have much confidence that he’d be able to himself. One at a time was one thing, but both at once was a different matter entirely. It had been hard enough to bring Xion to the shack with how much his head had been spinning. Even one at a time might be too much, because Vanitas definitely weighed more than Xion. Roxas wasn’t even positive he’d be able to carry his own weight in Ven.

Eyeing the bear again, Roxas sidled around it and closed the door quietly behind him. It let out a _chuff_ that could have meant anything, interest or frustration or simply boredom. That thing was something lingering even though Vanitas was asleep, and it was something that had been on the beach the night… there was no way it had been the night before. There was no way he’d woken up that quickly, not after realizing such an awful truth. But the bear that Vanitas had created been on the beach back then, trying to rip a cage to pieces while its creator had frantically faced down a manifestation of something unspeakably awful. Everything else had fallen apart, but what had been following him around remained.

And, once he’d left the shack, he realized a second bear was sitting next to Ven and Vanitas now. The one at the door sat there still, making no indication that it would go anywhere. Two now, one staying put, the other staring directly at him and getting to its feet. The other one had fixed onto him now, as if the role of following him around had been silently passed to it.

The absurdity of being shadowed by a bear hadn’t been lost on him, but all he could think of was what Vanitas had fought against tooth and nail.

It had been a long time since Roxas had been so scared. There had been such dread in it, what leaked its way into him through a cage that had closed around Xion and then himself. Dread and terror and an unending sea of despair and hatred, all of it forcing itself out of Vanitas after having lived in his heart from the beginning. Even before the words he’d cried out had come, what that thing had been made of had been so horribly clear.

Xemnas.

The person whose orders he had obeyed from the beginning, it had been Xehanort all along. Feeling faint once more, Roxas pressed a hand to his eye and tried to keep his balance. Had that overwhelming fear damaged it, his heart? Or was his exhaustion from it simply lingering though he’d already woken from it?

Though it was something that felt a little awful to admit to himself, Roxas wished he hadn’t been the first to open his eyes after all of that. Standing on the beach all by himself, he could only feel lost and lonely. No one was going to be able to help him understand what was going on. The clouds above were blocking the sun’s rays, not quite enough to turn the sky dark and thankfully barely gray themselves, but it didn’t bode well and it didn’t rest well in his heart.

Vanitas usually woke up quickly, he and Ven had both said as much. It wouldn’t be the case this time. Having heard him screaming in agony as he wounded himself to set them free, Roxas was sure that he’d injured his own heart terribly. Knowing that so concretely was… discouraging. If something went wrong and darkness came, Roxas wanted to have someone who could draw it away fighting alongside them.

If something went wrong the way it had when he’d come into existence, what would happen to them all? He had no idea if that fear was rational, or if it was the echoes of the beast that had trapped him. If something went wrong and he was the only one awake…

Swallowing nervously, Roxas crouched at the edge of that impact crater and peered at Ven and Vanitas. They hadn’t moved in the slightest, their arms still wrapped tight around one another and their legs tangled together, Vanitas’s face pressed into the crook of Ven’s neck, Ven’s fingers digging into Vanitas’s shirt. Between their chests, Roxas could see a glimpse of pink. If he managed to ease them apart, he would reveal a pot that spilled out a fragrant smoke that made the world so much brighter.

“Like I’d do that.” Roxas still didn’t want to do that. It just seemed messed up, the idea of prying them apart. They were trying so hard to hold on to each other. His cautious attempt to hoist the pair up went exactly as he expected – his body was too unsteady to manage it. When he turned to look at it, Roxas got the feeling that what he’d just done had somehow upset the bear that was now trailing after him. The other one hadn’t moved, but the one with him wasn’t pleased with his actions. Maybe it didn’t want him to touch them. If he touched _it_ , he would know what it was for. Looking it in the eyes, Roxas didn’t feel much inclined to risk getting his arm ripped off by doing so.

He couldn’t actually get his arm ripped off.

He thought.

The only thing Roxas could think to do was try to bring them to their room without walking. Xion could do it now, disappearing and reappearing, but she had been actually trying to do so. He knew how it worked in theory, he did, but he’d made no real effort to learn. Ven and Vanitas were fully capable of taking things with them when they went, so that had to be possible for him as well.

“Please don’t get angry,” Roxas told the bear, possibly more for himself than it. But when he awkwardly took hold of Vanitas’s arm, not making any attempt to try and pull it from Ven, the bear didn’t move or make any noise in protest. He closed his eyes with a deep breath, and pictured it. The room carved into the tree, where Ven and Vanitas slept at night in a bed made for two. That was where he wanted to be.

When Roxas opened his eyes, it was to an obnoxious half-success. He was where he’d been trying to go, and he had to admit that he was proud of himself over having done that much. However, he was completely alone. In that regard, he hadn’t done well at all. Making his way to the balcony and leaning over it to peer down, Roxas confirmed with annoyance that Ven and Vanitas were exactly where they’d been.

More importantly a bear was lumbering toward the tree at a truly alarming speed, as if determined to not let him out of its sight. It stopped at the base, and what happened next he should have expected.

Bears could climb.

“I’m coming back down,” he shouted at it, praying that it would accomplish something and prevent him from being several dozen feet off the ground with that thing. It was following him, that much he’d pieced together. Obviously it was going to _keep_ following him no matter where he went.

Midway up the trunk, the bear stopped. Heaving a sigh of relief, Roxas considered the room, the beach, the bear, and his options in the situation he’d found himself in. He needed to find a way to get Ven and Vanitas off the beach and into the shack.

The idea that came to his mind was very, very foolish. It was absolutely going to work, and it was going to look completely stupid. The door he’d just walked through wasn’t much different, so Roxas thought he wasn’t going to be able to make fun of it anymore. That was a shame. He hadn’t gotten much of a chance to do it in the first place.

Re-entering that room, Roxas pulled a blanket from their bed and returned to the beach on foot.

Getting it under their intertwined bodies was awkward and frustratingly difficult, and by the time he’d managed it Roxas could feel sweat beading on his temples despite the chill in the air. Trying to roll them was harder than it looked, something that should have been simple. But after several achingly-long minutes of struggling, he’d managed to get them squarely on a blanket that he could grab the edge of and drag along.

In the process of doing so, he managed to trip over himself twice and felt like a complete moron. But the blanket slid over the sand smoothly despite his clumsiness, and eventually he was able to tug it through the doorway. The bears could do whatever they wanted – even though they’d barely fit in the shack they couldn’t squeeze through the door, so Roxas decided that he wasn’t going to worry about it.

He didn’t really care. He was too tired to care, his limbs and eyelids both growing so heavy. Closing the door behind him, Roxas leaned against it to try and catch his breath. Getting everyone to the shack had been more taxing than it had any right to be. He really thought he’d been stronger than that, because he had been before. The meager strength he’d regained from sleeping was gone again, and he didn’t think he’d even be able to go to the cave he’d been sleeping in for what had probably been months.

Instead of trying Roxas simply chose the other thing he’d been doing for months, and crawled into bed with Xion.


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter for today! And still somewhat calm... at least in what's happening in the chapter alone. Sora's life outside is getting a little wacky. Still, things aren't kicking off just yet. For now, just a chill chapter where Xion and Ven have a meaningful conversation. For the people who have been wondering what the bear is, this chapter gives a pretty big hint.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for your comments! We're approaching the climax concretely now, so I hope you'll continue to support the story to see it through to the end.

“ _Hypocrite. You are the one who has made your heart a prison…_ ”

 

Opening her eyes to faint light, Xion spent a few moments simply staring at a wooden wall in the darkness. She was in a bed, but not in the cave, and not in the tree, because she was in the shack. Curled up against her was Roxas, definitely fast asleep. As she rubbed at her face, memories filtered in and left her feeling cold.

It wasn’t just the memories, she realized immediately. There was a chill in the air. Sitting up reluctantly, Xion looked around. Ven and Vanitas had to be somewhere. They’d won so they had to be somewhere and they had to be okay, and she had to make sure of that.

Getting out of bed was painfully difficult. Roxas was tough to disentangle herself from, both because he was holding on tight and because he was warm and comforting against her in a way that made her not want to leave the bed at all. But she needed to get up, and how much trouble she was having was almost enough to make her try to teleport instead. Her fuzzy mind made that a daunting thought, and so she struggled to squeeze out instead. Xion couldn’t be mad at him for it. What she really wanted to do most was just turn over in his arms and wrap her own around him to hold on.

The thing that had happened, it had been… scary.

Stumbling to her feet Xion made her way on weak legs to the door and pulled it open, and found the sky filled with clouds and a heavy fog covering the ground. In front of the door a massive white bear was lying down, and as she looked at it in complete confusion it turned its head to her. Another one turned the corner from under the bridge, and Xion could only look between them totally baffled. Eyes like iron met hers, and the sight of them was bizarrely reassuring even with how heavy the air was. They were something Vanitas had made for them, she knew. They weren’t an Unversed. They weren’t hostile.

They were guarding the door.

Even before she reached out to touch one, Xion knew that much.

The beach was empty, scattered rings of sand having been pushed up into tiny walls around wide divots. The remains of what had been smashed against the ground in a furious clash of emotions littered the beach as shallow craters, some of them barely noticeable. A long, wide line led from one of them to the shack. She had no idea how long it had been since she’d lost consciousness. Xion wasn’t sure it much mattered.

Something didn’t seem right. Fog, that was something that she hadn’t ever seen within Sora’s heart. It was heavy and seemed to choke the air, something that wasn’t a sign of a fight but also wasn’t something Xion understood. She needed to make sure Ven and Vanitas were okay, and she needed to ask what was going on. Even if it meant having to figure out a lie to tell Ven, it was important to know what was happening in what was now her only home.

It would take a while to get up to the room in the tree, because if she rushed it felt like she’d topple over. One of the bears plodded after her, the other remaining by the door to the shack. One for her, one for Roxas. That was what it seemed like. One of them had been trying to break her free, she remembered. In the moment it was docile, but those massive jaws and enormous feet had been working furiously to tear iron apart. Pausing for a moment, Xion reached out to pat it on the head.

“Thanks for trying,” she said, and the bear made a noise that could have meant anything or nothing.

The air was cold enough that she wanted her coat back, the fog making it hard to see if there was any kind of new obstacle in her path. Debris that she could trip over could have been anywhere. There had been a fight, after all. And perhaps it had been inevitable, that her unsteady legs would give out on her. Before she could pitch forward into a deep divot, something grabbed her by the back of the shirt and kept her upright.

It should have been a little scary to know so concretely that what was digging into her clothes was a row of teeth that were potentially very, very deadly. As soon as the bear let go of her, Xion sat down heavily and just looked at the thing. Vanitas had made it, so it wasn’t going to hurt her. If she’d had the strength to haul herself up onto it, she thought it might carry her to the tree. Her body was too unsteady for it, so all she could hope to do was hold on to it. Touching it again only made her feel safer, and so Xion kept her hand on that thick leather armor as she wobbled back to her feet. It kept pace with her, seeming quite content to have her leaning against it for support. Eventually, though, she’d reached the base of the tree and knew that it wouldn’t fit on the ramp even if she were to climb up onto its back. As comforting as it was, it seemed that the bear couldn’t go everywhere with her. But the tree was another thing she could use to steady herself with.

“I’m okay now,” Xion told Vanitas’s creation, and it sat with a heavy thump. If she told it to go to Roxas, it probably would. But it seemed like it was “assigned” to her, even if it hadn’t been the one sitting by the shack door. Maybe the things could communicate to one another. Maybe she was overthinking it. The one beside her was following her, that was all she knew. “You can stay here, I’m going to go see Ven and Vanitas. I’ll be okay on my own.”

It only looked at her, but somehow she felt the message had been received. When she kept moving, it didn’t get up to follow. Slowly, Xion made her way up the ramp and ladder, and through that open door she found Ven curled up on his side. Vanitas’s arms were around his middle, his chest pressed against Ven’s back, and he was fast asleep.

Ven, however, was awake.

Their eyes met, and Ven grinned an awkward grin. He and Vanitas were somewhat messily tangled in a blanket, as if Ven hadn’t been able to actually get them both under it and had instead yanked it up and over them as best he could. When he reached up to scratch his cheek, Xion could see a round shape under that blanket in front of him and knew what it was. If Vanitas had managed to make or maintain those bears in his sleep, of course the Versed that existed only for Ven was there with them as well.

“Hey,” Ven said, and as if in response to his voice smoke began to billow out from under the blanket. It had him laughing immediately, and he tugged the blanket up a little to look down at its source. The action seemed to quiet it somehow, and what was spilling out of it grew less extreme. Somehow, she really did get an odd feeling from watching the way Ven treated it. But the smoke that reached her was sweet and fresh, somehow heavy and light at once. It draped over her heart like a warm blanket or a tight embrace, the same feeling that had burst into her on the day she’d returned to Sora. The chill from the fog was pushed away by it, a feeling of comfort that kept away the cold. Unable to not smile at it, Xion tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and considered the pair as Ven carefully sat up.

“Uh… there’s some bears, out there.” There was no non-awkward way to say it, she supposed. Ven grinned at that, and he nodded as if he’d already known about them. Having woken before her, he had probably seen them himself.

“Sure are. Is Roxas asleep?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, her smile faltering a little. “Um, thanks for bringing us to the shack.”

Ven stared at her blankly for a long moment, before looking at Vanitas instead. As if immediately dismissing whatever thought had come to mind, he shook his head and turned back to her. “It wasn’t me and I know it wasn’t him, so if it wasn’t you I guess it was Roxas. I’d say maybe it was what Vanitas made, but there’s no way. I woke up in the shack with you guys, and, you know, this guy. Those bears can’t fit through doors, they’re huge. So unless he made something else and got rid of it, it has to have been Roxas. Ah, that makes me feel kind of bad though… it’s not great to wake up and find yourself all alone.”

Xion said nothing, knowing that sometime earlier Ven had done exactly that. Being the first one to wake up, it really had to be lonely. More important than how bad that made her feel as well, Xion needed to ask about it.

“Ven, what’s going on?”

Immediately, Ven knew what she was talking about. He glanced out past her with a nervous eye, and as she watched he took a tight handful of Vanitas’s shirt as the other boy slept. Before Ven even replied to her, she knew what he was going to say. “I’m not really sure. This hasn’t ever happened before. Storms, sure, but… this is new, I don’t know what it is. But I’m sure it’s okay! It’s not a storm, so it’s probably just some kind of bad mood.”

Neither of them said anything about it, how weak that was. Ven didn’t know what was happening to cause the fog, and he was scared. That seemingly-endless optimism that appeared to live inside of him… maybe, it had been nothing but a mask that was finally cracking. Behind it, she thought she could see Ven’s true face just as much as she could see Vanitas’s.

“Xion, what… what happened to him?”

There was no way she could have kept the conversation away from that for long, she supposed. Leaning against the wall, she tried to figure out what to tell him.

“Who could say,” Xion said finally, hoping that she wasn’t speaking so slowly that Ven would figure out it was a misleading truth. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice. If she didn’t explain everything, she could say things that weren’t genuinely lies and that wouldn’t betray Vanitas. It was wrong to lie, and it was wrong to hide things. Knowing that, Xion packed the full truth down as deep as she could into her heart. She knew exactly what had happened to Vanitas – a reality that was too terrifying.

 _“Promise me you won’t tell him,”_ Vanitas had sobbed.

Telling Ven everything would be too cruel, wouldn’t it?

“When I left the shack with Roxas he’d already… made that thing.” Picking out her words wasn’t easy, but Ven being clearly lost in his own thoughts helped her maintain the bluff. She’d said it in a good way, Xion thought. A way that made it seem as if Roxas didn’t know anything either, because he had been with her all along. All she had done was avoid really giving Ven an answer, making it seem as if she had. Her own words from a day now long past floated back up into her mind.

_“You don’t lie, but you don’t actually answer questions either. You just dodge them. If the person you’re talking to gets the wrong idea, I’d say that’s lying!”_

She still believed that. Hiding the truth, refusing to be honest, was the same as lying in the end. It meant the person hearing it learned something that wasn’t right, no different from a lie. The fact that it was a halfway-decent lie that she had told to Ven… it didn’t make her happy in the slightest. Xion didn’t want to be good at that kind of thing. But admitting the whole truth, she just couldn’t do something like that to him.

“Right…” Ven looked back down at Vanitas, as if trying to read an answer written on his sleeping face. That answer was nowhere to be found, only existing behind his closed eyes and her closed lips. “I don’t think he’s going to tell me when he wakes up. Even though he knows I want him to be honest with me! He can be kind of stupid about it, trying to protect me from things that he thinks will hurt me. Sometimes it’s really annoying, like he thinks I’m too weak to handle it.”

“I don’t look at it that way,” Xion said, her forehead creasing. Of course that was how Ven saw it. If it was her in his place, Xion thought she would probably have felt the same way and she would have been upset by it. After all, it wasn’t much different from everyone who had hidden what she truly was from her. But that had been her own life, not what Vanitas was keeping tucked away in his heart for Ven’s sake. Looking in from the outside though, she understood the whole picture better. “Even if you know someone you care about will be able to take it, seeing them hurting… I don’t want that either. I don’t know if it’s really right to hide things for good reasons, but if it meant not having to see someone suffering I’d probably do the same thing.”

“I guess,” Ven replied quietly, and his fingers carded through Vanitas’s hair smoothly. It was such a familiar sight now, Vanitas fast asleep and Ven’s fingers tangled in messy black locks. Xion didn’t know who he did it for, whose comfort that gesture brought. If it was one of them, if it was both of them, it didn’t matter. “It just makes me angry sometimes. Even though we see eye-to-eye on so much, we still can’t agree on this. I know why he does it with my head, but sometimes my heart just feels like he’s being condescending. He doesn’t always get that and it’s so frustrating. I shouldn’t expect him to always understand, though. That’s not really fair. It’s never been absolute, nothing has ever reached him completely and me feeling something didn’t mean he did, but it happened so much with things that really mattered to me. I think our hearts being the way they are spoiled me a lot, so I’m taking it for granted. Especially nowadays, since it evened out and isn’t the way it was before.”

She didn’t now what Ven meant by “evened out”, but she couldn’t figure out how to ask and could only address what Ven was really talking about.

“That makes sense though, doesn’t it? If you’re used to him knowing things without having to be told, I think it’s probably easy to start expecting it even though it isn’t always the case. That might not be good, but… I think I get why you feel that way.” After so long, of course Ven had begun to expect his feelings to reach Vanitas directly. It had become a consistent element of his life. Knowing things without talking, it might truly be a problem just as much as it was a gift. Maybe something like that made it harder for them to use their words. “I wish I was able to have people get what I was thinking or feeling without having to explain it, though. Sometimes I don’t know how to do that kind of thing, it’s hard. I don’t know what to say.”

“Yeah. I don’t know that things like that ever really stop being hard. It’s not like you always really understand what you’re feeling yourself, right? Putting it into words, of course it’s gonna be tough.” Xion nodded at that, one of the truest things she had ever heard Ven say. At times, it still seemed like she didn’t understand anything that she felt. She couldn’t even say it for sure, whether or not her feelings were truly her own. Wanting to believe something, maybe it didn’t actually make it true no matter how much Xion wanted it to. Maybe she really was still simply dancing on strings. “Vanitas is really, really bad about that. He cheats, though! He can just push it out and tell me like that, it’s so cheap. I can’t do that, so I can either just sit around hoping he’ll get it or actually figure out how to say it. Sometimes I don’t even know with my head, just my heart. It’s not like you can always explain it with words anyway. I’m bad at taking what’s in my heart and actually thinking about it with my head. Even if my heart’s all confused, I can’t _really_ ignore what’s in it. I tried, for a long time!”

“Huh? Why’s that, though? If your heart is telling you something, isn’t it better to listen to it?” It was something she had no right to say, and she made it even more so by forcing that further down. She wasn’t listening to her own heart. Knowing that and knowing what she truly believed, Xion wasn’t sure how she could let herself run away from it. Unsure, her mind continued to race from that truth.

“Yeah. But my heart wasn’t all on the same page. I felt something, but I also felt like I didn’t want to feel it. It made me nervous, maybe I was even a little afraid. Finding a way to act on my feelings even when they aren’t saying the same thing, I still don’t know how to do it.” Ven paused, looking down at the Versed that he was holding on to. Wisps of smoke were still leaking out from under the lid, just not as heavily as before. “It was really stupid of me to try and push it away. Deep down I already knew what I wanted and I knew what Vanitas wanted, and I knew they were the same thing. Ah, but forget about that. Feelings can trick you if you _don’t_ understand who you are and what you want, so you just have to have faith in yourself and really listen to what your heart tells you without pushing it away… or something. Maybe even that’s not entirely right either, but I hate thinking about that kind of thing! I’ll let Vanitas do it, he actually enjoys thinking about stuff with no answers. You know, because he’s weird.”

Laughing a little, Xion followed Ven’s gaze to the unfortunate subject of his speech. Fast asleep, it wasn’t like he could offer any defense. Then again, she didn’t think Vanitas would protest it in the first place. He seemed happy enough to be weird, in the end.

“How long do you think it’s going to be before he wakes up?”

Ven’s smile vanished, and Xion wished she hadn’t asked.

“I’m not good at figuring that out. Vanitas can see hearts if he concentrates, but I can’t. I can’t wrap my head around it – I just see bodies, even though they’re not actually bodies since we’re just hearts dreaming.” Completely failing to notice her sudden alarm at that, Ven continued. “It might be that only someone like Vanitas can do that. Not because he was born special or something. I had some idea that maybe it had something to do with… being something like a Heartless. But I think it’s really just because he _can_ wrap his head around the fact that we’re not really real. It just smashes up together in my brain, I can’t look at him and believe he’s actually just a heart making a picture of its “self”. I can’t make those two thoughts live together in my head, because one of them I know and one of them I just… feel. I can reach out and touch him just like this, and he’s warm and solid and I know he’s real. No matter how many times I tell myself it’s a projection, whatever that really means, I can’t look at him and see anything but, you know, Vanitas.”

Xion didn’t get it either. If her head could ache, she thought it would have already started. More important was what Ven had said so casually, without thinking about it at all. Something that maybe he hadn’t realized they didn’t already know. Vanitas had even said it, Xion recalled. So devastated from what she’d heard, she had failed to process what he was saying to them.

_“I’m still sleeping, I can’t do anything!”_

“Ven… what do you mean, we’re just dreaming?”

Frowning, Ven looked at her with a hint of befuddlement in his eyes. “Vanitas didn’t say anything about that? That’s weird. I would have thought he’d really like making your heads hurt over that, at least in the beginning. It’s sort of the same thing, these two ideas that just can’t fit in the same space. The whole thing is hard for me to get, so it’s hard to explain too. All of us are asleep, sort of. But you and me right now, we’re also awake.” Considering his words, Ven brought one hand up to his mouth. “Vanitas and Roxas are kinda… _double_ asleep. How did he say it back then? “Asleep but aware,” or something. What’s that supposed to mean, huh? Jeez. Right now, we’re dreaming but we’re… awake, in that we know what’s going on. He’s not aware right now, neither is Roxas.”

“Like sleeping without dreaming?” It was the only way she could even start to consolidate the multitude of seemingly-contradicting ideas Ven had just unloaded on her. They couldn’t all be right, but they were. All four of them were asleep, having a dream, but… “But this is really happening, isn’t it?”

“Huh? Oh! Yeah, it’s definitely happening. I know it is, if it were a _real_ -real dream we wouldn’t be able to be injured by the stuff happening in it. And, sure, normally we can’t. If I were to throw a coconut at you and hit you with it that wouldn’t hurt, but the Unversed changed that right from the start. Our feelings can still hurt us even in here, and the Unversed are nothing _but_ feelings. The stuff we do in here matters. When Vanitas took some of the darkness that was flooding into Sora, he really did that. What we actually do, even if our bodies aren’t like the ones we used to have, matters. Look, Xion, I don’t actually get it either and I don’t know if I ever really will. It’s like a really awful puzzle, even when you put most of the pieces together there’s no picture. Or maybe halves of two different puzzles that don’t even go together in the first place. I don’t know what any of it means. We’re asleep but we’re awake, because we can get hurt and we’re aware that dreaming is something that happens. When you’re really actually dreaming you normally don’t have any idea of it, and things that are weird when you wake up usually don’t seem weird while you’re dreaming. Isn’t that right? Almost all the time, I don’t think anything’s wrong until I’m awake again.”

“Uh… Yeah, it is. You’re right, it can’t be a normal dream. I think it’s weird in here all the time, even if I’ve kinda gotten used to it.” She’d gotten used to it, but that fog meant what she’d gotten used to was changing. Something else she’d gotten used to was also changing – the vague thought Xion had had that if something was happening with Sora’s heart that she didn’t understand, she would be able to ask Ven and Vanitas and get an answer. The reality was a lot harsher. Ten years or not, there was no way to truly be an expert in something as mysterious as a heart. When it came to someone like Sora, Xion wasn’t sure if there was anyone who could ever hope to predict everything. “It doesn’t really make sense, though. I don’t know how you can be awake and asleep at the same time.”

“Right? Thinking about it always makes it harder, too. I wonder if it’s even possible for it to happen outside of a place like this, being awake and asleep. All I really know is that what’s happening in here is real even though it’s a dream. It’s not like the world outside, but it’s not like everything is totally random. Hey, maybe this will help you too. A while back, when I talked about this with Vanitas, he told me something that really made it easier to stomach.”

“What’s that?”

Pursing his lips, Ven affixed a frown of seriousness to his face that she immediately recognized as a mimicry of the boy asleep beside him.

“Probably, the only true rule of this place is “it happens because he chose so”. That’s what he told me. Everything in here, good and bad, it really is just…”

“Up to Sora.”

“Sure is. Whatever that fog is, it’s up to Sora too. Vanitas probably isn’t gonna wake up for a while. Days, maybe. He messed himself up pretty bad, we all know that. We might not be able to figure out why he was so upset, but he was and dealing with it hurt. But he’ll wake up, and so will Roxas. And if Roxas managed to get us all to the shack on his own, I’m sure he’ll be up before we know it. And this weather too, that’ll be over soon too. I’m sure Sora can get through it, whatever it is.”


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm dumb and posted this without my normal pre-chapter blurb. Today's been a lot, I drove for four hours and just got home. Anyway, it's a sorta-double chapter this time! I could have made it two chapters but then the first one would have been less than 2k words so I just merged 'em rather than posting separately. Things are getting pretty eerie in Sora's heart... I wonder where this will end.
> 
> As always, your comments are the only thing keeping me posting!

“ _Hey, that weapon. Can I see it?_ ”

 

When Roxas woke once more, the air felt heavy. He was still in the shack and the door was closed, but it wasn’t the way he remembered it. Instead, a second bed had been squeezed into the room while he slept. _How_ he’d slept through that, Roxas didn’t know. Curled up in that bed, breathing calmly and evenly, was Vanitas. Ven and Xion were sitting at the foot of it, because the room had significantly more bed space than floor space now.

Why they’d moved Xion’s bed into the shack, Roxas couldn’t say for sure. But the thickness of the air, how the only light he could see was coming from something that either Ven or Xion had created, it gave him an unpleasant idea.

“Roxas.” Ven said it much more quietly than he would have liked, and it simply made everything more unnerving. He hadn’t been imagining it. It hadn’t been a matter of exhaustion. Something truly was wrong. It was unnaturally cold, far worse than when he’d gone to sleep. “We gotta talk.”

“Yeah.”

“There was a storm while you were sleeping,” Xion said bluntly, and Roxas sat up immediately. They’d moved the bed for that reason, then – if things took a sudden turn for the worse, it was better to all be in the safest place there was. “Things got calmer, but…”

That heavy chill in the air was because the fog that he’d seen before he’d fallen asleep was creeping in through the cracks in the doors.

“How long has it been?”

“I don’t know. I woke up a few hours ago now, and Xion a little later. But I have no idea how long I slept before that. Fighting after so long, it wiped me. Thanks for helping us, really. Vanitas hasn’t even moved on his own yet, I’ve just been carrying him around like a big stupid log.” Ven paused, having barely even cracked a smile at his own words. He didn’t really find them funny. The situation was too tense to laugh or joke. “That Unversed is bad news. I know you guys know that and I think you guys know what it is.”

None of them said it, that what had forced itself from Vanitas was everything that had been hiding within it waiting for the mention of Xehanort’s name. Instead both he and Xion nodded somberly, and she asked something else entirely.

“What’s it called?”

“Iron Imprisoner. No points for creativity, I guess. It isn’t gone forever, those feelings didn’t die just because Vanitas was able to take them back and keep them from overwhelming his heart. I’m sorry I wasn’t really able to help you guys. If we’d let off on the offense and just left everything to the Trinity Armor, I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t have been enough. We had to keep attacking, there was no way to keep it back long enough to get you out.” Rubbing the back of his neck, Ven let out a quiet sigh. “It felt awful. It felt almost like I was abandoning you, so I’m sorry. I really am. I know Vanitas was the same way because I could feel it coming from him too. You… could probably tell that much.”

Roxas had already gotten the feeling that they’d wanted to drop everything the second a freezing cage had locked around Xion. The confirmation of that made him feel a little better about everything. Still, it had been horrifying. The memory of that would never leave his heart, and Roxas knew he wasn’t the only one.

“Ven, what did he make the Trinity Armor out of?” It had been intentionally created, unlike the Iron Imprisoner. It had been something that Vanitas had called upon in an attempt to break free of it, both the physical and formless cages that closed around his heart. Ven grinned, but his eyes were filled with too many thoughts and emotions to read.

“The Iron Imprisoner is lots of feelings, but they’re all just about him. They’ve always been about him, and it’s so strong because those feelings are so strong. Some of the Unversed are like that – not just one feeling, but about one thing. When it comes to the Trinity Armor, it’s three things. Just all sorts of feelings about us. Me, Terra, and Aqua. How we trained and worked and lived together and care about each other. How the three of us are best friends.” Three people who were best friends. Three, and he and Xion were only… because it was too hard to face, Roxas tried to focus only on Ven’s words. “I don’t know what exactly he was trying to accomplish. Maybe he just wanted the size advantage. There’s no Unversed bigger than it, that’s true. But the first thing I thought when I saw it wasn’t that.”

Ven didn’t say it, but Roxas knew. From what he saw in Xion’s expression when she looked at him, she knew too and simply wanted to confirm that it didn’t need to be said. It had been about a fervent hope that Vanitas had held in his heart, and it hadn’t been enough because he now knew the truth. Ven didn’t know the full extent of why it was that Vanitas’s fear and despair had been stronger than his hope. Roxas couldn’t speak it.

Vanitas had wanted to keep faith that Ven and his friends had won. More than anything, Vanitas had wanted Ven to have been right when he’d said that Terra and Aqua had defeated Xehanort. That the three of them together were enough to defeat him. And Ven had been so horribly, painfully wrong. The truth that had come from their words had almost broken Vanitas. Terra and Aqua hadn’t been strong enough to end it. Oblivious to that cruel reality that Roxas couldn’t bear even the thought of making him face, Ven continued to speak.

“You know something? I’ve never seen him so mad in my entire life. Even when he was furious with me and trying to get revenge for what I did to our hearts. He hated me so much back then. He always, always hated Xehanort more. Vanitas hated me, but he was… no, he’s still afraid of Xehanort. Guess I didn’t understand that as well as I thought.” Ven laced his fingers together, staring down at his hands. Having seen it, having had it force its way into his heart, Roxas believed that. The face that Vanitas had formed in his hands was one that had haunted him his entire life, no matter how many times he lied to himself.

 _“I just pretended I was strong, I pretended I wasn’t afraid_ _and that I didn’t care_ _, I pretended that once I had it in my hands I’d be able to beat him once and for all!”_ Those words too were haunting. Almost as haunting as what Vanitas had screamed out at that specter, illuminated only by the flames of something he feared and hated with ever fiber of his being. _“You were supposed to protect us!”_

Bringing the back of his hand to his face, Roxas hoped that no one had noticed the tears that burned in his eyes. In a way they had been the same. Xemnas had been their master, and he had betrayed them. But of course he had. There couldn’t have any other outcome to it.

All along, he’d been Xehanort too.

There had to be a way to tell Ven that wouldn’t break his heart, and Roxas knew he couldn’t open his mouth to try and speak it. Hiding it was so dangerous. Saying it would be so cruel. A world where Xehanort had still lived but Terra and Aqua were okay… Roxas didn’t think that it could exist.

If he said, “Sora ended it,” Roxas knew it might not soften the blow. Ven had known it was possible that it hadn’t ended ten years ago. He’d said as much. Even so…

_“He thinks Xehanort is still out there, no matter what anyone else might believe.”_

Ven didn’t believe it, that Terra and Aqua could have actually lost. That was what Roxas had thought. Was it really the truth? Or was the possibility that they were gone and it had all been for nothing simply so painful that Ven had buried it deep within his heart and refused to face it? Unable to glimpse within him, Roxas just didn’t know.

He didn’t know anything anymore. He never truly had. In that way, he and Vanitas were no different. All of them were no different. None of them knew a thing. All Roxas wanted to do was sleep, maybe forever. If he slept, he wouldn’t have to think about any of it. That wasn’t right. His heart was in conflict, unable to hold a single belief.

If he slept forever, Roxas would never see any of the people he cared about ever again.

With nothing to say, they sat in silence. It stretched between them, filling the air alongside that fog. Ven opened his mouth, and no words came out. Xion looked at her knees. None of them met each others’ eyes.

Xehanort had to be gone.

Like Ven, he couldn’t face it.

When it came, it was with a sense of dread that chilled his very bones. The boom of thunder shook Roxas to his core. Xion had said a storm had come. He’d wanted it to have been for any other reason, knowing deep down that it couldn’t have.

Somewhere out in the world outside, Sora was fighting.

If it had truly been over, what threat could Sora now be facing? The journey he had gone on that had led to Roxas’s own existence, what had it been? Had it all been the same thing all along? Was it still?

Xehanort’s Heartless.

That feeling of being trapped within it, his fear, his guilt, his despair, his confusion… would it ever go away? Or like Vanitas, like Ven, would he never truly escape? The crackle of lightning sounded, and behind it came the pounding of thunder. His pulse was pounding just the same, adrenaline that he didn’t truly have racing through his veins.

“You don’t have to carry it,” Ven whispered, and Roxas had no idea what he meant. Strangled by his sudden anxieties, Roxas could only stare blankly as Ven spoke to them. “These aren’t your feelings, you don’t have to share them. They’re coming from Sora’s heart. They’re just coming from Sora.”

Again, painfully, Ven was wrong. They were his feelings. He was Sora. He always had been. He always would be.

“Ven, this fog…” Roxas could barely hear it when Xion swallowed nervously. The wind was whistling, not quite a howl. It might only be a matter of time. “Do you think maybe… _Sora_ is asleep?”

With eyes that seemed so hollow, Ven answered them frankly.

“I don’t know.”

Together, hunkered down in the meager safety of the shack, they waited and hoped for the storm to pass.

 

“ _I don’t think Rinzler… is quite the friend you remember._ ”

 

Exhausted as she increasingly became, Xion felt she couldn’t sleep. If she didn’t, her heart would grow weaker and weaker until she had no choice. Still, though her eyes grew heavy, she struggled through keeping them open.

The thought of being asleep and defenseless was a strangling fear.

A storm had come. It had passed. Roxas had woken. Another storm had come. Though it had ended, the same thing had happened in the aftermath. It was the same thing that had happened even in the very beginning, the fight that had raged between Sora and Roxas.

Though it should have been a relief to him, the quiet after terrified Ven more than the storm itself.

Roxas hadn’t noticed it, and dozed in the quiet. Knowing Ven wouldn’t say it to her, Xion still understood what it was that he was so afraid of. Without saying anything, Ven took hold of Vanitas’s hand. Without saying anything, Ven took hold of her hand.

Without saying anything, Xion took hold of Roxas’s hand.

The seconds passed by, minutes, maybe hours. Silence reigned between them. They sat in the shack with tightly joined hands under a light that flickered, and slowly, slowly Ven relaxed again.

“Sorry,” Ven whispered. Xion shook her head. It was justified, that fear. She couldn’t blame him for it. She understood it, though Ven hadn’t said it with words. The look in his eyes, the actions he took, had given it away.

Over a year ago now, an indefinite amount of time, it had been in a moment where they’d thought they were safe that everything had gone wrong.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“There is, though. I’m just thinking about myself. But it’s scary for you too, isn’t it? Even though it’s not right to keep…” She could tell that Ven wanted to put his head in his hands. Those hands were occupied, and he wasn’t going to pull them away. Xion made no move either. It was scary for all of them. Asleep as he was, a deep crease had formed between Vanitas’s closed eyes. His sleep was no longer peaceful. They were all afraid. “Look, I gotta tell you the truth. While you and Roxas were asleep earlier, there was a storm. I had this awful feeling. I know Vanitas thinks Xehanort is still around. The reason he was so upset, I think that’s what it was. Earlier, I… just felt all of a sudden that he was right. It felt like he was right there, just out of sight. And I remembered the Vanitas from back then. The Vanitas I hated so much, I remembered him and I don’t know why. I don’t want that person to come back. Vanitas doesn’t either. Vanitas hates that “him” too. I don’t want to keep secrets from you guys. I’m sorry I didn’t say it, I should have right away. Hiding a storm, it’s messed up. If we all don’t know what’s going on, how are we supposed to fight?”

For a long, long moment Xion only looked at him.

Ven was right. She’d already known it. Lying was wrong. Hiding things was wrong. She was scared to tell him the truth.

His words filled her with shame, and she was cold in a way that had little to do with the chill in the air.

“He thinks Xemnas was Xehanort.” Vanitas did think that, and for a reason that couldn’t be shared. Vanitas thought it, and he also knew it. But that, she wouldn’t speak. Vanitas thought that Xemnas was Xehanort. That was all she could say, and Ven’s eyes darkened at her words.

“Yeah, I know.”

“You _know?_ ”

“I’ve known Vanitas for years, and even if I couldn’t read him well I’m not an idiot. Every time you guys started talking about the Organization, he had that weird aura. From the very start, I’d figured he thought it had something to do with Xehanort. Well, I didn’t realize that he thought that about Xemnas, but it doesn’t really surprise me. What I actually thought was that he was convinced Xemnas was working for Xehanort. That’s not really that much different in the end. And you know? I don’t think it’s unlikely. I really don’t.” Looking down at Vanitas’s troubled expression, Ven too was troubled. He seemed tense in a way that Xion wasn’t used to. Ven wasn’t just worried or scared. Ven was… “Xion, _why_ did you hide that from me?”

Angry.

“You and Vanitas both, you just think it’s better to keep things locked up if letting them out is going to hurt someone. Is that it? You’re too much like him! Even though _I’m_ supposed to be the one who… No. Xion, sorry. This isn’t right. I don’t want to take this out on you.” In the sentence that he hadn’t finished, Xion had finally learned the truth. Back then, the ugliness that had flickered in Ven’s eyes at the sight of Roxas’s flushed cheeks had been the same feeling. The fact that it had taken her so long to recognize it, that just proved how stupid she really was.

“You’re jealous of me.”

“Isn’t that dumb?” Ven laughed out the question, squeezing her hand tighter and curling in on himself. “Even though we’re all friends, I’m jealous that you’re more like him than I am. And the fact that something like that bothers me, it’s so messed up. We’re not the same person! Even though I know exactly how Vanitas feels about you, I was jealous. And I was so jealous of Roxas that I could hardly stand it, can you believe that? Even though he’s my friend, suddenly I was looking at him like he was a, a _threat!_ ” A threat to what? “It was so awful of me. I should have just been happy for Vanitas, he finally has people who can relate to the things I can’t relate to. Once I realized I was feeling that way, I just felt so nasty.”

“Ven, did you… tell Vanitas you were feeling that way?” Even as she asked, Xion knew the answer was no. They had failed to use words, Ven hoping that it would simply pass on and be understood. It hadn’t. Ven’s grin was pained.

“How was I supposed to do that? Just admitting to him that I got upset over something so stupid, I don’t know how. What’s wrong with me that I even felt that way in the first place? Me and Vanitas, I don’t get how I could possibly be so stupid and insecure when I can feel what he feels. It’s so ugly of me.” Ven looked up at the ceiling, and Xion didn’t know if it was so that tears wouldn’t spill down his cheeks. Unlike Vanitas who released his emotions and gave them form, Ven had kept his ugly feelings locked away. The cheerful face he put on truly had always had something lurking behind it that he didn’t want to reveal. “Maybe I just don’t know how to handle it. For so long, I was basically everything to him. He was jealous too, when you guys first came here. He wanted all my attention to himself, we were used to having each other’s full attention. Eventually he started to look at you guys and look after you guys, and even though part of me was happy I just thought, “But what about me?” like a spoiled brat. It’s been ten years. We have to grow up and face each other. If we don’t, we won’t last. “Us” won’t last.”

In a rambling voice, Ven spilled out the words that he’d been keeping hidden and Xion did nothing but listen. Ven wasn’t that different from her. He really had worn a mask all along, just a better one than hers. One that perhaps even he himself hadn’t been able to see. So lost in themselves, she and Roxas had never seen the lines where it laid over his face. She and Roxas had thought that Ven wasn’t troubled the way they were and that no matter what he’d be there to help them through it. Now, she finally knew better.

It wasn’t that Ven hadn’t been suffering under the weight of what he had carried on his shoulders.

Ven was just a better liar than them.

“Vanitas isn’t the only person in my life. He’s not my whole world, he isn’t even the most important person to me. Him and Terra and Aqua, they’re all equally important in different ways. Vanitas isn’t my everything. I’ve known for a really long time that a single person _can’t_ be your everything. It’s all really wonderful to think you can be each other’s world, but that’s just a fantasy. No one can live that way, it’s not right and it’s not fair. It’s a bad way to think. It’s too heavy a weight to carry, being someone’s everything. We were keeping each other going, but the more time went on the more I thought, “We can’t live like this forever.” It was okay when everything was calm, it was. But more and more things started to go wrong, and the worse things got the harder it was to only have Vanitas. Only having him wasn’t enough. I needed other people around me, but I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about whether or not he needed other people too. I was missing Terra and Aqua, and thinking that he didn’t know how important it was to have more than one person to rely on because he’d never had anyone else.” Ven paused, and what he looked at was his hand in hers. They were all friends. That was the truth, and Ven’s hand that didn’t let go of hers as he finally confessed to feelings that he was ashamed of proved it. The fact that Ven was entrusting those feelings to her, Xion wondered if he understood how much it really meant. “And then you guys came and Vanitas did have other people for the first time, people who were really truly his friends. And I stopped being his whole world, and I hated it. Then I just felt ugly, and pathetic. Like I was bad for him, because I couldn’t just be happy that he had you guys. Even though I _was_ happy for him, I had all these awful feelings too. Especially once Roxas started… looking at Vanitas the way I do, I was so jealous. It was horrible, I couldn’t believe myself. And I just never said anything. We haven’t been talking about our problems the way we should be, and we haven’t been talking to you and Roxas about them either. I knew Roxas didn’t understand, I knew both of you were confused and that he was totally lost, but I didn’t explain anything to you guys. I could have helped you get it, but I didn’t say a thing. And I knew Vanitas wouldn’t either, because he didn’t notice. That just made it worse, that I was so upset about it, that I was so angry and jealous. Vanitas didn’t ever notice Roxas’s feelings, not a bit.”

That had been it, then. The way Roxas had looked at Vanitas, why he had done it, finally she grasped it. And Ven, what had fueled those emotions that he found so foul had been… the fear that Vanitas would look back at Roxas in that same way. Viewing Roxas as a threat to the bond he held with Vanitas. It was terrible, she couldn’t deny that. But Ven hated that he’d had those feelings.

“Ven, I don’t think I know you and Vanitas, the way you are. No, I do, but I don’t. I know it, I just don’t understand it because I’ve never looked at someone that way. But I don’t think you’re nasty for being jealous. I don’t think you’re nasty for any of those feelings.” Ven’s eyes that met her were so hesitant. It only doubled Xion’s resolve to tell them to him, the things she knew in that moment. Over and over again, Ven had been there for her. Now, it was her turn. “Everything that you got used to changed all of a sudden. Even if you know that things right now are better than they were when it was just you two in here, of course you miss the way it was before! Things changing, even if it’s for the best, it’s just scary. Aren’t those kinds of feelings normal? They aren’t good, but you’re not bad for feeling them. I’ve had those feelings too, everything just fell out beneath my feet and I wanted to go back so badly to a time where I understood. I don’t think you’re wrong to feel that way. And I don’t think it’s weird, that you’d be afraid of things changing again even if you knew it wasn’t going to happen. But… keeping it all locked up in your heart, it just makes everything worse. Not being honest about the things that hurt… it just makes everything worse.”

 

Hypocrite.

She shoved it aside.

“When he wakes up, I have to tell him the truth. I know I do. You’re right, Xion. If I’m not honest, things will only get harder. And if I’m not honest with him, I can’t expect him to be honest with me. I thought I’d already learned that. I have to tell everyone the truth.” Taking a deep breath, Ven let his shoulders sag once more. He was calmer, he really was. It was such an indescribable relief, the proof that Xion had done something right… for once.

Someone who wasn’t truly there added cruel, unnecessary words to that sentence in a whisper, and she wished she hadn’t heard Saïx’s voice.

Not being honest would-

“Xion, thanks. Really, thank you. I just sort of dumped all of that on you without asking, but you listened anyway.”

“You don’t have to thank me. Ven, you’ve already helped me and Roxas so much. I think that… friends are supposed to help each other if they can.” Ven’s genuine smile only made her heart more confused. The truth, didn’t she owe it to him? If they were friends, they needed to be honest with each other. Hoping that he couldn’t sense it within her, Xion gently pulled her hand away. It made that smile falter for just a second, and so she scratched her cheek as if to make an excuse for having let go. “And, Ven? I don’t think anyone else could ever change the way Vanitas feels about you.”

Flushing, Ven looked down at his knees.

“Y-yeah, maybe you’re right. No, you are right. You’re right about friends, too. So, Xion… from now on, let’s keep helping each other. Okay?”

“ _Xehanort_ _and Xemnas are the same person_ _,_ ” Xion wanted to cry out. It was burning within her. Ven’s friends had lost, hadn’t they? Unable to admit it to him, she wished she had never woken up in Sora’s heart at all.

It wasn’t an absolute, Xion told herself. Vanitas could be wrong. They could be missing something. It could have all been a horrible series of coincidences. It could have. It was possible that Xemnas hadn’t been who Vanitas feared.

It would be wrong to tell Ven something she wasn’t certain of, wasn’t it? There was a chance, so it wouldn’t be helpful unless she _really_ knew. She didn’t _really_ know, so she _couldn’t_ say something to him that might not be the truth. That had to be right.

“Right, let’s.”

It would be wrong to tell Ven something she wasn’t certain of, and that was nothing but an excuse no better than a lie.

Locking it away in her heart, Xion forced a smile.


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! We continue our journey... or, Sora continues his journey. Hope things don't go sour for him, that would be pretty awful. Anyway, in serious times apparently the kids have serious discussions. And this one's pretty serious.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments! They're all I ask for.

“ _You had better check. Make certain the box’s contents match what’s on the label…”_

 

The thunder woke him, and Roxas pulled a pillow over his head to try and pretend it wasn’t there. Vanitas was still asleep, he knew. The silence that hung between Ven and Xion was almost as deafening as the sound of the storm. Curled up on his side, he stared at the wall and wished it would end and wished the fear would leave.

Was Sora asleep? How could it be that he was asleep and fighting? There was no way that could be possible. And for some reason, the way that Xion had said those words, how she had emphasized Sora’s name…

“Ven?”

“Yeah.”

“Are… are _we_ asleep right now?”

“… yeah.”

Ven tried to explain, and he became more confused, and a storm raged in Sora’s heart, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

However it was, the things that Sora was feeling, the things _he_ was feeling, were reaching all of their hearts.

Confusion, desperation, betrayal, fury.

How could it be that he had to fight a friend?

Roxas didn’t know why he’d had that thought, as the wind howled and Sora struggled. Something beat against the walls of the shack, making him jump. Energy swirled past them, the creatures of Vanitas’s creation breaking down and returning to their source. Being broken down, by the storm of Sora’s emotions. Xion grabbed his hand. Ven grabbed hers. And Vanitas, who still slept a restless sleep unaware that what he had made for them was now gone… as one, Roxas and Ven reached out, and took his hands as well.

And then there was quiet, and fog. Fog, because Sora was asleep, and Sora was awake. It wasn’t the same way that they were asleep and awake, he didn’t understand in the slightest. The way it was happening, Roxas didn’t know. It couldn’t actually be happening, could it? Awkwardly, Xion released his hand and ran it through her hair instead. She looked frazzled, worn down. Her eyes were oddly dull.

“You guys… I have to tell you the truth. Xion, I was gonna tell you. But Roxas needs to know, it’s him that I…” Ven, troubled, looked between Roxas and Vanitas with uneasy eyes. They weren’t the only ones hiding something. Not knowing what would be said, Roxas could only wait anxiously. The words that came crushed him. “I lied to you back then. Roxas, it wasn’t just once that I woke up when I was inside you.”

Xion swallowed hard, and she looked at him as well. Roxas stared at his knees, and an undeserved shame filled his heart. All alone, Ven had woken inside him. Alone.

“Ven, I…”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied, I know I shouldn’t have. I didn’t know how to tell you. “Almost the whole time” wasn’t honest. Castle Oblivion, that wasn’t the only time. The clearest time, but not the only time. It happened more than once. I don’t know how many times it happened. I was barely awake, I couldn’t see anything or hear anything or even feel anything. I could hardly even think, I was so tired. As soon as I woke up I remembered what had happened and I felt so lost that I just slept again. If I’d been able to feel him, I would have been okay I think. At least for a little while. But I couldn’t. Neither of us could. All alone like that, cut off… I didn’t want to be awake. That kept happening. Remembering it makes me feel sick.” Ven was holding onto Vanitas’s hand with an iron grip. Xion, who had nothing to do with it, looked as if she felt sick too. Roxas didn’t want to admit it, even in his own mind. He didn’t want to think about it. Ven’s cheerful face, all along… “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t want you to blame yourself, because it wasn’t your fault.”

No one spoke, in the silence that came at the end of a storm. Roxas ran over everything in his mind, and found only pain. He did blame himself. Inside of him Ven had been suffering and he’d never come close to noticing. How awful could he be, to not know? And not knowing, he’d prolonged it. Becoming so familiar with his knees, Roxas had no idea how to deal with what he now understood. Ven had been alone. Vanitas had been alone. Alone, the way she still was.

The sound of the waves was so far away.

“She’s…”

“She?”

“Naminé. She’s alone.”

“I… I don’t know if you guys noticed, but that mattress got dried out way faster than Vanitas said it would.” Ven was the one looking at his knees now. He was right. Vanitas had said four days minimum, and it had barely taken three. Until that moment, Roxas had just thought that the warm sun had sped the process up. Until that moment, he hadn’t considered that perhaps Vanitas hadn’t slept soundly over those nights… but why? Why would Ven bring something like that up in response to his words? “I’m sure you noticed, but Vanitas goes off on his own a lot. Sometimes… sometimes it’s just so he can work without being bothered. Sometimes, he’s looking for ways… for any way to leave. No, to send me back to my body… at least, at first it was just that. I didn’t know. I didn’t know any of it until a while after you guys came here. All of a sudden Vanitas was disappearing from bed all the time, and I’d go look for him. In the middle of the night, he was just sneaking out. For a while, I couldn’t find him. Because he was going so far out, it had to have been miles and miles. He never found anything. The ocean just keeps going. It’s not like he was… attacking things, trying to break Sora’s heart open or something. But he kept looking for ways. Xion, you told him Naminé was in Kairi’s heart. Is that right?”

“… yes,” Xion whispered, and Roxas suddenly realized it.

 _“Dunno if she wanted it too,”_ he’d said that day, and not elaborated in the slightest. Finally, Roxas understood who Vanitas had meant. Like a fool, he’d never figured it out. Like a fool, he’d assumed it had been someone from Ven and Vanitas’s past.

 _“About Naminé,”_ Vanitas had started to ask.

“Vanitas,” Ven started, and his teeth bit into his lip and he continued nonetheless. “Knows how sad and scary it is to be all alone. To not be able to see any of the people you care about. He doesn’t want other people to go through it, he doesn’t want other people to suffer the way he did. Vanitas asked me to tell him everything you told me about her, but I didn’t understand that it _meant_ something to him at first. You could say he’s sort of projected on her. I’m sorry. I just hoped you wouldn’t realize, because… it doesn’t matter what we do, we can’t change things. We can’t bring Naminé here, and we can’t leave on our own. Vanitas knows that, but he just keeps searching. He can’t stop. I… saw him crying.”

What could they do?

For a long while, none of them spoke at all.

“Xion,” Ven said finally, and, worryingly, she flinched. There was a kind of panic in her expression, and shame in her eyes. The sight of it made his stomach plummet. “I know you need to sleep. Sorry, you can’t fool me.”

“But,” Xion started, and Ven shook his head. Roxas pulled his knees up to his chest. He’d fallen asleep, and Xion had remained awake. Xion had remained awake, and from the look on her face, from her reluctance, he knew it was that she was afraid to sleep. Of course she was, because she was afraid of what could happen in a storm.

“I know, it’s really unnerving. But staying awake when you’re exhausted, it’s no good. Things are quiet now, so you should sleep while it’s calm.” Ven was so tense. Though Xion had let go of his hand, Ven hadn’t let go of hers and he hadn’t let go of Vanitas’s. In fact, it almost seemed like he was gripping them tighter. “If you don’t sleep, you’re just going to get weaker and weaker until you have no choice. And then you might not be able to wake up when… if you need to.”

Unspeakably grim. Ven’s words that he had backtracked on and hoped they hadn’t understood had betrayed his own fears. Xion didn’t speak, didn’t confront that. Just the same, Roxas held his tongue. Neither of them had any way to reassure Ven. None of them had true confidence that it would all be okay… because Sora himself was doubting as well.

Maybe, though, it had come from Roxas from the start. Sora was him. If he could feel what Sora felt, Sora could feel what he felt. They were the same person. They shared an existence and so the emotions that lived within their hearts belonged to one another, to themselves.

 _“For some reason, it just feels like he’s always expecting the worst possible outcome,”_ Xion had said about Vanitas. Back then she had been right, and those words were still right. Vanitas’s hysterical laughter had come from that – from his certainty that the worst had come to pass having seemingly been proven so horribly right. And he had been unable to share that realization with the person who, perhaps, deserved to know it the most. Afraid of the worst and believing in it, Vanitas had laughed. Two hearts that had once been one…

It seemed in that moment that Ven was no different.

Roxas wished he could tell Ven the truth the way Ven had told him the truth.

It had to come from Vanitas. No, that was just a way of absolving himself of the responsibility of knowing. It _should_ come from Vanitas, but that wouldn’t happen. Asleep, there were no words for Vanitas to say. Awake, he wouldn’t dare speak them. Opening his mouth too late, still not knowing what to say and unsure as to whether or not he had the courage, Roxas missed his chance as their silence ended.

“We’ll sleep in shifts until everything calms down for good,” Ven said, and Roxas knew that Ven had no faith that something like that would ever happen. “That way there’s always going to be someone awake. If something happens, we’ll wake you up. Will that make you feel better?”

“Yes,” Xion whispered, looking as if she’d simply collapse into tears. “Worn down” had been the right way to describe her. She’d been worn down by fear and an anxiety that couldn’t be quelled, her heart begging to sleep and heal. “I know you’re right, I do. So will you promise me something, Ven?”

“Yeah, I’ll do my best.”

“The person who sleeps next should be you. When I wake up, I want you to get some rest too. Okay?”

“… yeah. You’re right too. Roxas, you-”

“I’m okay,” Roxas said immediately, knowing where that sentence was going to go. Hopefully Ven would accept it, because it was true. He’d slept already. He didn’t need to do it again. And just as much as that, Roxas didn’t want Ven to have to stay awake alone. “I’m not tired.”

Ven, frowning, didn’t seem to believe him. At the same time, it was clear that Ven didn’t want to fight about it. He just looked at his knees and held on to Xion’s hand, Vanitas’s hand. Xion covered Ven’s fingers with her own, and carefully pulled them away. “Ven, you should tell Roxas what we talked about.”

Now, it was Ven who was a little ashamed. His cheeks heated, but he nodded even with his clear reluctance. Of course he and Xion had talked while Roxas was asleep. What else would they have done? For some reason Roxas had thought they’d just sat in miserable silence, and that reason was because he was an idiot.

Curling up on her side, Xion closed her eyes. It only took a few minutes – just as Ven had said, she was exhausted. There was no point in staying awake when she was so tired, because if a battle came there was no way to fight when she could barely stand. With deep, even breaths, Xion slept and Roxas only looked at Ven with an awkward expectation.

“Uh, it’s just that, you know… ah, forget it. There’s a lot of things I could say, and lots of things I want to say. I have to apologize to you.”

“For… for what?” Ven hadn’t done anything wrong, had he?

“A while back, you… were having some feelings you didn’t understand. Isn’t that right?”

Unsure as to whether or not he’d really understood any of his feelings, Roxas nodded and knew Ven could tell how uncertain he was. Ven was thinking of something specific, but Roxas couldn’t say what. There were so many things he didn’t understand. It could have been anything.

“I knew you were having them, and I knew you were confused. And I got the feeling you were even starting to worry. But I didn’t say or do anything. Even though I could have helped you get it and get through it, I didn’t. It was stupid. I knew you were starting to want something that you didn’t understand, and I knew it wasn’t something you’d ever be able to get. But I didn’t say anything because I was afraid you _would_ get it. I was scared you’d take Vanitas away from me. I was jealous, and it was wrong of me.” Suddenly, Roxas grasped something. “So I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest with you. I could have said something sooner, and I could have apologized sooner. I was just ashamed of myself. I was selfish, and a bad friend.”

What he’d wanted back then, it was what Ven and Vanitas shared. What the two of them had… Ven was right in that it was for them alone. He would have never gotten what he’d wanted from Vanitas, whatever it had really been. Roxas wasn’t sure if that mattered. All of that was in the past now, something he had long come to terms with even though he couldn’t put it into words.

Still not understanding the shape of the feelings he no longer had, Roxas focused only on one thing.

“Ven, you’re not a bad friend. I still don’t really get it, so I do wish you had said something. But that doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend, and I’m not mad at you. Thanks for telling me, though. Really, I’m glad you did. I don’t think that’s important right now, so don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I… I’m glad I got the chance to say it, too. But you’re right. What’s most important right now is what’s going _on_ right now. Me and Xion were talking, and I know you guys were hiding stuff from me. That stuff is why Vanitas was so upset, I know. You were talking about something and didn’t tell me about it. Xion didn’t say, but I’m sure Vanitas told you to keep it a secret because that’s the way he is.” Hesitantly, Roxas nodded again. He didn’t need to, because Ven hadn’t been asking him a question. Ven understood the way his other half’s mind worked, at least in some way. Not knowing what Xion had said, Roxas knew he’d have to be cautious and try to piece it together from what _Ven_ told him next. “I already knew Vanitas thought the Organization had something to do with Xehanort. Actually, I can’t believe _he_ thought I couldn’t figure that out. He’s in my heart and he’s still a total idiot sometimes about me. Then again I don’t know that I have much room to say that kind of thing. Either way I sort of already knew what he was thinking about it, but that doesn’t mean hiding it was okay.”

“Are… are you mad?”

“I was. No, I still am. He’s asleep. If I’m going to stop being mad, I have to be able to talk about it with _everyone_ , not just you and Xion. Especially because Vanitas is the one I’m actually angry with. This isn’t the first time he’s tried to do this, it’s happened before and sometimes with big stuff. Even though I was upset with him before for it, it’s not like Vanitas actually stopped doing it. There’s times where he hides things from people who are important. I guess I don’t have much of a right to be mad at him for it. I hid things too. You could call me a hypocrite, because unlike him I fully understand that it’s wrong. But I keep _telling_ him it’s no good.” Ven paused for only a moment, shooting a glance at Vanitas’s sleeping face that was more than a little annoyed. “I can’t actually say for sure why he does it, but I’m pretty sure what it is. Sometimes Vanitas gets this dumb idea in his head that he has to figure everything out before he can talk to me about it. Not always. Sometimes he just does that _really_ stupid thing where he just talks and talks and talks as soon as something pops into his head and he’s got no filter, and he’s a big idiot and it’s really frustrating. And he doesn’t even care how confusing he can be when he does it, I don’t think he even notices! He’s got zero awareness! I just wanna smack him one when he does that, like back when Vanitas told you that you’d hurt Xion and that was why she was sleeping. I wanted to hit him so bad, he didn’t think about it for a _second_. Telling the truth is one thing, but there are ways to say stuff nicely! He didn’t care about hurting your feelings back then, he was being such a jealous little kid. At least he didn’t go on and on the way he did when he was explaining how we’re asleep.”

Roxas wondered if Ven had any idea that he was doing the exact same thing in that moment. If Vanitas had been awake he definitely would have pointed it out, and probably with a smile that wasn’t entirely innocent. Ven and Vanitas were far more alike than they seemed to know, even with a landslide of differences that screamed out their individuality. It was as if they’d picked up each other’s habits over the years.

“Anyway, I already knew what was going on in Vanitas’s head sorta. So when Xion told me he thought Xemnas was Xehanort, it didn’t really shock me.” With certainty, Roxas understood that that was the extent of what Xion had said. Telling the truth nicely, he supposed, was what she had done. Vanitas _did_ think Xemnas was Xehanort, after all. He knew it, but that meant he thought it as well. “And he’s probably right, and he could have just _told me._ ”

Those technical truths that hid more and more, Roxas didn’t know how long he could bear their weight.

“Right… Ven, I’m sorry. Vanitas was just so upset. I didn’t know what to do.” Running his hands through his hair, Roxas leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He had to figure out a way to tell the truth as kindly as he could. That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? He owed Ven the truth, so he just needed to figure out how to say it. Roxas didn’t know how long it would take to do that. “It was wrong, I get that now. But Vanitas was really scared and I just believed that he was right. Turns out me and Xion aren’t good at keeping secrets… but we were really just trying to-”

“I get that, I do. Because Vanitas and I have been living together for years you just took his word for it, that if he was so afraid of it then he had to be right that you couldn’t tell me. You all thought it was gonna hurt me so much I couldn’t stand it, so you were trying to spare me. Blaming you for that would be stupid, no matter how angry I am. So the person I want to yell at the most is Vanitas, because he’s never learned his lesson about this. I’ve been living with this for a decade, Roxas. All this stuff, I’ve already thought about it before. It does hurt to think that Xehanort might really still be out there, that’s true. It always has. But you know what Roxas?” He didn’t, and so he held his tongue as Ven continued. “Knowing you guys lied to my face hurts too.”

The storm that began after Ven’s words, it couldn’t hope to compete with the one now raging in his heart.

 

“ _Gawrsh, do I know you from somewhere?_ ”

 

Why was it that his heart felt as if it was being strangled?


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I'm home. Almost didn't post this chapter because I didn't feel like it and wanted to just take a nap, but here it is. We continue our journey through Dream Drop Distance... it'll be a while longer before the plot returns to Ven's storyline.
> 
> As Always, your comments are what keep me posting.

“ _To dispel the darkness, we need a Sound Idea._ ”

 

Xion didn’t know if it was a relief or not that calmness had come. Ven slept, curled up against Vanitas and holding on to the fabric of his shirt. Unlike her and Roxas, Ven had managed to fall asleep even while a storm still raged. The storm wasn’t something he feared. His breathing was deep and even, and the wrinkles on Vanitas’s forehead had smoothed out as well. Sora was calm, and so they were all calm. She’d replaced the light that Ven had made, because when he drifted off it had faded away. Hers had a little more trouble cutting through the fog, but it was fine. It did its job.

Ven had been exhausted too, the stress getting to his heart and dulling his eyes. Sleeping had helped her more than she’d realized it would. She’d slept, and she’d woken up, and things hadn’t changed. Nothing had gone wrong despite her fears. Maybe it was okay to sleep when she needed to.

It was all happening so fast, Xion thought. Storm after storm, arriving as if chasing each other down. She didn’t even know how many there had been. They seemed to meld together in her mind. Roxas was sitting beside her with his arms folded over his knees, his face pressed against them. His eyes were hidden, and so she couldn’t meet them as he spoke into his legs.

“Xion, I feel awful.”

“… yeah. Me too.” Probably, it was for the same reason. Ven, asleep, wouldn’t hear it if they finally spoke. “Did you tell him?”

“No. I couldn’t. I didn’t know how.” They were all still hiding things from each other, it seemed. But she had a good reason. Roxas had a good reason. Vanitas had a good reason. That made it okay, didn’t it?

Axel had had a good reason too.

“How long can we possibly keep this up, Roxas?” Roxas didn’t speak, having no answer for her. Neither of them were any good at it. Vanitas was able to push feelings of guilt and shame away, to reject them from his heart, but they lacked that boon. Maybe it was Vanitas who was wrong to do it in the first place. Wrong or not… if she could have done something like that, she would have in a heartbeat.

Doing something that was wrong for her was fine as long as it was good for someone else. It had been true back then – returning to Sora had been what was best for everyone else. Even if it hurt it was fine. Even if it destroyed her it was fine. As long as the others could smile, her pain was insignificant.

A puppet could fall apart. It didn’t matter if a puppet broke down. Only the real people mattered.

“ _It’s not_ _fair_ _,_ ” someone who might have been Sora wailed, and she pushed it down, and she silenced it.

“Actually, I…” Finally, Roxas lifted his head to look at her. There was so much in his eyes. Stress, anxiety, lurking fear, and the question of whether or not it would end. “Xion, do you think Vanitas is right? The more I think about it, the more confused I get. Sora had to have defeated Xemnas, there’s no way he didn’t.”

Xemnas. If Roxas was suggesting what he seemed to be, it would throw everything else into a deeper spiral of questions with no more knowledge to be found. Ven had told her…

“None of this makes any sense.” Just a thought they had expressed over and over again. Rules existed, but what were they? Xion couldn’t say. “I don’t know what you talked to Ven about. But he told me that while we were both sleeping, he got a bad feeling. Until you just said that, it didn’t really… occur to me. What if… what if we’re all right?”

“Xion, I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”

Asleep and awake, two things that couldn’t coexist but did. It made her think. Other things that couldn’t go together and did, what could they be?

“I don’t know either,” she confessed, lacing her fingers together over her knees and staring at her hands. Sora had definitely won against Xemnas, who was Xehanort. Vanitas believed that Xehanort hadn’t truly been defeated. And now, Ven had gotten a bad feeling that revolved solely around his former master and the form of his student that no longer existed. “Is it possible that… Sora beat him, and he _still_ isn’t gone?”

Roxas, silent and tense, considered her words with complete seriousness.

“It’s just that when I hear Ven and Vanitas say things that seem like they can’t both be true, I get this awful feeling that they’re _both_ right and _both_ wrong. Something’s just off, it’s so off. Roxas, if Xehanort won against Terra and Aqua, then why is it that ten years later he’s barely made any progress? And why would Xehanort, if he knows there’s a true Kingdom Hearts, be making an artificial one?” Now, Roxas had lowered his knees and was leaning his elbows against them with one hand raised to his mouth. Nothing matched up. Someone who Vanitas believed was so overwhelmingly strong and cunning, who he felt he had only the slimmest hope of ever defeating, had accomplished _nothing_ tangible over the course of a decade. Was that possible? How would someone like Xehanort become a Nobody in the first place, and where was the Heartless that had been born at the same time? Lost or gone or…

No, but Roxas had said it, that there had been someone Sora had called “Xehanort’s Heartless”. If that was so, then a Heartless did exist. Where was that Heartless now?

 _“If you’re able to find and purify your Heartless, maybe…”_ Vanitas had come so close to figuring something huge out, not even knowing what he had handed her the clues to. Maybe he would never have been able to figure it out on his own, overthinking, backtracking, everything hinging on ideas he couldn’t confirm. Unlike her and Roxas who knew so little, Vanitas…

_“If you spend all this time trying to sort it out, thinking like a bad guy, but come to the wrong conclusion? That just puts you in a worse position, because you think you understand but you don’t.”_

Thinking he understood his former master fully, a moment had come that Vanitas couldn’t consolidate with that flawed understanding and he had flown into a panic. Even though he’d had the pieces to an answer that made sense, Vanitas’s skewed perceptions and assumptions, his confidence that he knew clashing with the reality that he’d stumbled headfirst into false convictions, all of that had blinded him. His emotions, his incomplete understanding, they had blinded Vanitas and he was unable even to recognize that.

He and Ven, they were both right. And she and Roxas, they were right as well. Every one of them was right about something. Ideas that she’d thought couldn’t coexist were meeting together in her mind to reveal an unexpected result.

“Xemnas was defeated” and “Xehanort still exists”, they weren’t truly contradictions.

Xion looked at Roxas. Roxas looked at her. He hadn’t pieced it together, but saw in her eyes that she had.

Sora had stopped being a Heartless.

“If Xehanort became a Nobody, it means he had a Heartless. And you said that Sora talked to someone who was-”

“It wasn’t actually Xehanort’s Heartless. It was Riku, he looked like him but he was Riku inside. The person that Riku… that’s why.” Roxas had figured something out that she hadn’t too, it seemed. “The person that Riku turned into that I didn’t know, the person who beat me, it was Xehanort’s Heartless. That’s why he looked like Xemnas. Because they were both…”

Terra.

“Well either way, it’s the same. Xehanort had a Heartless, which means that the person that Sora fought…”

It clicked in Roxas’s head, and she saw it on his face. “Was _only_ his Nobody.”

“His Heartless, his heart, it could be anywhere. Sora turned back into a real person. There’s a way to stop being a Heartless, to go back to normal.” Even without Roxas, Sora had stopped being a Heartless. The boy that they had returned to, he had already been a person in that moment. The mere fact that Sora had been able to do something like that, an explanation had existed in it from the beginning. “Until Sora’s memories started escaping, you didn’t remember anything about him. If that hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t have remembered anything at all.”

Vanitas really could be stupid sometimes. Even if he’d truly understood everything about Xehanort, which she couldn’t believe, the fact of the matter was that Xehanort’s Nobody was only a part of him. If his motivations didn’t seem right, if his methods hadn’t matched, if things were wrong, that all made sense. He wasn’t the Xehanort that Vanitas remembered, because Xemnas was just a missing piece.

Of course things were off. Thinking he understood, thinking a Nobody could truly be compared to the true, whole person, Vanitas was flailing helplessly in the face of assumptions he’d failed to question. He didn’t understand it. Heart or no heart, a Nobody wasn’t the person they’d once been. Their original heart wasn’t there anymore. Their original heart… where their memories of their lives belonged.

Heart or no heart, Xion was still a puppet. Maybe even the heart that Vanitas had seen within her chest was fake. He’d been wrong about things before. They’d all been wrong about things before – right about some, hideously wrong about others.

“So do you think that’s it? The reason Sora left the islands again, is it really possible that it’s Xehanort?”

“That bad feeling Ven got, he said it felt like Xehanort was around and just out of sight. Roxas, I don’t want it to but it just all lines up.” Now, Roxas looked as troubled as she felt. Vanitas’s words were spinning in her head. He may have been too absorbed in the emotions that he failed to handle, but some of what he’d said had surely been right. What Xion didn’t want to think about surfaced in her mind.

_“He knows who Sora is, it’s written all over his face because it’s **my** face! The master could have taken us back at any point and we would never have been able to see it coming!”_

Vanitas, who looked so, so much like Sora, was a neon sign proclaiming Sora’s identity to the person it was most important to hide it from. If it was true, if all of the pieces she’d taken hold of truly formed a picture of Xehanort turning his gaze to Sora once more, Vanitas was right to have called them sitting ducks. Unable even to see through his eyes, Xion had no idea what threat Sora was facing. But Sora was strong. Surely, he could defeat it. Surely, and yet…

How were they supposed to protect Sora from within the depths of his heart?

As if to tell her that the fear she held was justified, as if to try to worsen it, thunder boomed and the light that she had created flickered. Quick as a heartbeat, Roxas’s hand found hers. Maybe Roxas hadn’t put together everything that she had, but he had figured out more than enough. He understood more than enough to be scared.

Holding on to each other, they settled in with the hope that it would end soon and that another storm wouldn’t chase it down. Without the sunlight, without the slow change from day to night, Xion had no idea how much time was passing. It felt like mere hours of peace hung between the storms, Sora jumping into battle after battle that she could do nothing in. All of them were helpless, weren’t they? Only Sora and his friends could fight. Where they were, locked away, trapped in a world normally so much gentler, was a place where Xion had no Keyblade to keep the darkness at bay.

A world where they didn’t have to fight, that was how she had thought of things. Back then, it had seemed so wonderful. Of course things would never be that simple. Of course it had been too good to be true.

Xion should have known from the start that even this wasn’t a place she could just be happy and live without pain. Thinking that she could had been a delusion that she’d never truly believed. All along, she’d never been anything but a puppet. Her artificial life that should have never been, of course she would continue to be punished for it. That was the way things were meant to be. She should have known from the start that they wouldn’t come true, that her wishes for a kinder life would never be granted, because there had been something so important missing from the very beginning.

Axel wasn’t with them, after all.

Maybe, it was a way for the world and for Sora’s heart to answer her. Xion didn’t know. The only thing she knew was that while she had wallowed in despair the storm had faded, and now came something soft. Beside her, Ven stirred. Of course he did. Like her own, his heart wanted to listen.

The sound of a melody filled Sora’s heart. Someone unseen sat with them, their fingers gliding across the keys of a piano. Someone unseen played a powerful harmony, strong but gentle. Someone unseen bolstered and calmed her troubled heart, hands played a melody, and she knew who it was. Who _they_ were, because the hearts that resonated and filled their own hearts with music were two.

Yellow eyes met hers in the darkness, a face so much like his that still belonged only to himself. Vanitas said nothing, Ven said nothing, Roxas said nothing, and she said nothing. None of them needed to speak. Like a gentle lullaby…

Sora and Riku’s hearts played a melody, and the four of them who lived within did nothing but listen.


	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much larger chapter today! We're really getting into the important part of Dream Drop Distance, including some iconic and mysterious scenes that I'm about to give some neat context. Things are getting pretty screwy in Sora's heart at this point... hopefully that won't go somewhere weird. Oh, wait.
> 
> Thanks to the three people who are keeping me posting this fic! And as always, comments are all I ask for in exchange.

“ _Wait, isn’t this…_ ”

 

They’d curled up together, all of them. Music had lived in Sora’s heart, and they lived in Sora’s heart, and there had been a peace that he hadn’t truly felt since arriving. Everything would be alright, Roxas had thought. And he’d slept, and when he woke…

The walls of the shack were wavering, and it was so cold, and Xion was gone.

Ven and Vanitas, holding tightly to each others’ hands and his – the thing that had woken him had been both of his hands being taken – were speaking in low, harsh voices. Not sitting or saying anything, Roxas just listened. Vanitas looked exhausted, bags under his dull eyes. He and Ven were worried, blue pots filling the air around them and turning it almost freezing, but not panicked. Maybe Xion had just briefly left the shack.

The shack, that was wobbling all over.

“… in the surface layer of Sora’s heart, maybe. The boundaries are shifting, she might even manage to pass through to manifest. This isn’t making sense. If it was a fall into darkness, it would be more overt. We would have seen the signs. The way a Heartless normally forms, it’s like turning a heart into a balloon that slowly swells with darkness until it bursts, loses its shape… ceases to truly be a heart.”

“But it didn’t build before, Vanitas. It all came at once, there was no “filling” for your balloon metaphor. I know it’s not _literal_ , but we still would have noticed. Back then, nothing like that happened. One minute things were fine, and the next it had all gone crazy.”

Vanitas didn’t like that response, and that was how Roxas was certain that Ven was right to say it. Sora hadn’t gradually fallen into darkness, there was no way. Someone like Sora wouldn’t have that happen.

 _“What happens… when a heart, isn’t in its body anymore?”_ A question that he’d asked a long time ago, Roxas thought it gave him the answer. A heart that left its body would be consumed, Vanitas had told him. Someone like Sora would never fall into darkness. Him becoming a Heartless, it had to have been something unlike the “normal” way that Vanitas had just described.

“Fine, I’ve got nothing else. Xion slipped through and my best guess is that it’s because the walls of Sora’s heart aren’t solid somehow. It _feels_ like maybe she’s in a different… no, that can’t be right. His heart isn’t like ours, so it can’t be sleeping and awake. Xion can’t have passed into a dream _he’s_ having, our hearts can’t be on the same wavelength as his. Unless Sora is somehow in a state similar to ours, which he can’t be, there’s no way for us to interact with him.”

“What if he is though? There _is_ a way for that to happen, so Xion _could_ have gone into a different dream. What if his heart ended up in someone else the way ours are in him, Vanitas?”

“Don’t be an idiot, can’t be. We’d feel the separation, something like that’s a traumatic experience that would throw his heart into a panic. People don’t just up and leave their bodies on purpose, it’s patently absurd. There has to be some other answer, I just can’t find it.”

“So all we can do is really wait? You’re sure we can’t go after her?”

“You might be able to do it. I can’t. Being conscious is one thing, but I’m nowhere near strong enough. To be honest, I’m _barely_ conscious. Somehow Xion pulled it off, she was able to take hold of something.”

“A memory opened a path?”

“… could be. If Sora is doing something or is somewhere that’s familiar to her, with this inconsistent state it’s possible that she could follow it.”

Because he was feeling it too, Roxas knew what it was. Even curled up on his side, it was obvious. The walls of the shack were wavering, and somewhere else was drifting in and out of his heart’s sight. Even though he wasn’t standing on that glass platform, what was shimmering in Sora’s eyes was reaching him. Ven and Vanitas couldn’t see it? Pulling his hands away, Roxas spoke.

“He’s in the World That Never Was.”

“Come _again_?” Vanitas had a lot of nerve being exasperated with him when he’d just gotten an answer. “Cool, explain.”

“The place I lived, where the Organization lived. Sora’s there.”

“So you have a feeling that-”

“No, it’s not a feeling. I can see it, I’m looking at it. I can see the shack, but it’s not just the shack. I can see the skyscrapers too, Sora’s on the streets of the World That Never Was. He’s in the city.”

“She could follow that, couldn’t she? It was where she lived, it was her home.”

“Makes as much sense as anything. I’ll buy it as a strong possibility, but don’t take it as fact. Our judgment is based on incomplete information and speculation. I’ve been relying on stuff like that, but it’s downright stupid of me and Xion was right to call me an idiot. Even my thought that Sora can’t be asleep, that could be dead wrong too.” While he was sleeping, it seemed that Xion had caught Ven and Vanitas up to speed. That was good, because it meant he wouldn’t have to do it. He wished he’d been able to hear Xion call Vanitas stupid, though. His expression had probably been a sight to see, a welcome change from everything that was happening. “She was right, and you were right back then. I’m messing myself up thinking what I know about hearts is automatically and undeniably relevant, it’s outright detrimental. We’re no longer operating in the realm of my understanding. The fact that Sora’s lines are no longer fully opaque proves that, because I have no idea how that can be happening. For all I know there _is_ some non-traumatic way for a heart to leave a body or some other way for a heart to be in pseudo-sleep. I didn’t know about Nobodies, that was a massive blind spot to have for over a decade. How stupid do I have to be to not learn a lesson about my own information after something like that? Bruise my ego more, both of you. She’s already done a pretty good job, so if you all pile on as needed it’ll keep me from getting high and mighty.”

“Oh yeah sure, let me just write that down for the future _Vanitas_.” Roxas didn’t find it to be a great time for them to bicker. From the way that neither of them continued, it seemed both Ven and Vanitas agreed with that sentiment. “Okay. So what we know is, Xion went somewhere else, and Roxas can see a world that he knows. Those have to be related.”

“Assumptions, Ventus.”

“Okay, but that’s straightforward and you know it! You can’t actually believe that everything we put together has to be questioned just because you messed up. And besides! The reason you were so stupidly wrong was because you weren’t using _all_ the information we had. So let’s use it. Roxas, you’re seeing a world that you recognize. So that means what? Either Sora is there, or he’s-”

“Having a dream that he’s there, yes.” It couldn’t be a dream. What Ven had tried to explain to him, it just didn’t make sense. If it was real, how could it be a dream? “Or potentially any other explanation, Ventus.”

“Not helpful, and fighting isn’t helpful. Yeah, I want to yell too, this is freaking me out. But it’s not gonna do us any good so quit it with the snide remarks for five minutes, will you? Everybody just stop for a second and… don’t laugh, but listen to your heart.”

Roxas, pausing, wondered how exactly he was meant to do that. Listening to his heart was all well and good, but he wasn’t sure it had anything much to say. Faintly sulking, Vanitas had closed his eyes. That was as good a thing to try as anything else, so Roxas did so as well.

What was going on? Even if he wasn’t smart enough to put it together with information, even if he just wanted to be angry instead of scared, he had to be able to trust in his heart. What was going on with the “him” who still existed? What was going on with Sora? As Ven began to speak again, he opened his eyes once more.

“Vanitas, what do you feel is happening? I don’t care what your head put together right now, just tell me what your gut instinct is.”

“Sora’s knocked out and dreaming of Roxas’s world. But I can’t confi-” Ven held a hand up to shush Vanitas, whose mouth snapped shut immediately even as his eyes turned indignant. They were caught in a feedback loop of frustration, Roxas thought. If the situation didn’t improve and that kept ramping up, they’d end up fighting anyway. It didn’t even matter how close they were and how good they normally were at working through their problems – the problem they were facing now, it hadn’t originated in _their_ hearts.

“I know you can’t confirm that, so cool it with your disclaimers. Feelings don’t come from nowhere, though. Roxas, what’s _your_ gut instinct?”

“Ven, I don’t know how this can be happening if he’s asleep. I don’t think all of this is a dream.”

“I don’t think so either. We’ve been in here a really long time. If stuff like this happened every time Sora had a dream, it wouldn’t be anything new. He might be asleep, but I don’t think we can call this just a dream.” Some kind of dream that wasn’t a dream, was that what Sora was within? It just didn’t make sense. And Xion had… what? Disappeared into the world Sora was seeing, for some reason that only she knew. If Xion passed into the world that Sora was within, would… Before that thought even finished in his mind, a worse one pushed it out of the way. If Xion had passed into the place that Sora was, and he truly was asleep, then…

What if Sora woke, and that “dream” ended?

It wasn’t until Roxas sat up that he realized the pots weren’t the only Unversed in the room, and the sight of Scrappers huddling in the corner made his heart leap up into his throat. To think clearly, Vanitas had pushed much of his fear out – his fear that Xion wasn’t safe and that Xion wouldn’t come back. And he’d just admitted it himself, that he didn’t understand what was happening. Placing a hand over his chest as if to soothe his suddenly-pounding heart, Roxas looked between them all and managed to speak.

They had to find Xion.

“What did Xion do? Just… tell me that.”

 

The music that had played had, eventually, faded away once more. Roxas had been lulled to sleep by it, curled up under the blankets to slumber calmly. The chill that was filling the room didn’t seem to affect him, and Xion was glad for it. Wide awake, she had no such convenience. If it got much colder, she thought they’d be seeing their breath.

Then again, with the fog already in the air maybe that would simply be lost.

Peace had slowly faded away, and Ven took a deep breath.

“Vanitas, look…”

“You’re all safe?”

“No one’s hurt. But I-”

“Catch me up. What’s happening?” Rather than their relationship issues and what was already in the past, Xion had to admit that what was happening in that moment was probably more important. Once the situation was defused, they could work things out. She was confident that they could. A pair like Ven and Vanitas who trusted each other, who had hearts that were beating as one, it would take a lot more than a well-intended lie to rip them apart.

“We don’t know. More and more, I think… I need you to be honest with me this time, because it’s something to do with Xehanort.” Vanitas stiffened at the words, and he failed to meet Ven’s eyes. Watching that, Ven sighed and leaned over to press his arm against Vanitas’s. Rather than reassuring him, it only seemed to make Vanitas more ashamed. “Vanitas I know you hid things from me and I’m really angry but I don’t want to get into it now. What’s more important is that something’s happening to Sora and it has to do with him. If you hide things from me again we’re in danger, I thought you learned!”

“I _knew_ it, I knew Roxas couldn’t be right with all his talk about Xemnas being-”

“No, he was right. Vanitas, you know what? You’re full of yourself.” Vanitas’s gaze locked on to her as soon as she spoke, and Xion could only roll her eyes at him. It had taken him aback, and for a moment his lips simply parted as no words emerged from them. Having just woken to find himself suddenly under fire on all sides, Vanitas was blatantly disoriented. Even Ven was staring at her in shock, and Xion knew she had to continue. “You fed us a bunch of garbage, and if you’d just talked to us and Ven from the start you would have known it was garbage. You were so confident and all that, but all you did was mess us all up worse thinking you’re so smart. Sure, you are smart! But you’re also a big idiot!”

Stunned, with his jaw dropping, Vanitas blinked at her. Ven covered his mouth with one hand, muffling astonished laughter. Whether he was actually amused or not, Xion couldn’t tell. She got the feeling that it was more that he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, that the only way he could react was by laughing. When Vanitas finally spoke, his tone was almost embarrassingly defensive. “That’s a bold claim. Can you back it up?”

“Yeah, I can! You were losing your cool trying to figure out what Xemnas was thinking, because it didn’t match up with what you thought Xehanort would be thinking. And then you started getting freaked out and _my_ thoughts got all scrambled too. But you missed something so stupidly obvious, and made it so that we missed it too!” He still didn’t get it, of course. That was what she’d expected. Taking a deep breath, Xion began to speak again. “Of course Xemnas didn’t act the way you think Xehanort’s supposed to act. He was only part of him! Xemnas was a Nobody, Roxas was right and you refused to even consider that maybe me and Roxas knew our own leader better than someone who never met him did!”

Silent and chastised, Vanitas looked at his knees with crimson cheeks. “And so?”

“He’s got a Heartless out there, you total idiot! Xemnas is gone, but he wasn’t Xehanort’s heart. I bet you were scrambling trying to figure it out, but you didn’t think for a second that you had some idea wedged in your head that was wrong. You just thought you were missing information, but you already had it.”

“Xion’s right, you’re stupid. Some part of Xehanort, it could still be running around. We might not know how it happened, but Sora stopped being a Heartless. If you’d just talked to me about it, I could have told you that immediately. Roxas is Sora’s Nobody, but that doesn’t mean they’re the same person and it doesn’t mean they want the same things or know the same things.” Ven wasn’t entirely right about that. Their desires and knowledge may have differed, but Roxas was still Sora and so was she. No, but she was just a puppet meant to play Sora’s part so that he couldn’t play it himself. “You already _knew_ Roxas and Sora weren’t the same, so why did you think Xemnas and Xehanort would be?”

“Nobodies don’t always remember who they used to be,” Xion said, and that finally seemed to truly steamroller what remained of Vanitas’s stubborn pride. He put his scarlet face in his hands before tugging at his scalp with his fingers. Knowing that he was chewing on his cheeks, Xion still kept talking. “Memories are supposed to live in people’s hearts, aren’t they? Roxas never would have remembered anything about Sora’s life if Sora’s memories hadn’t gotten loose. Do you _really_ think a Xehanort without his memories would act totally the same?”

“Fine. You’re absolutely right. You’re right, does that make you happy? I _was_ full of myself. You figured it out while I was being stubborn and an idiot, so I can’t exactly be indignant with you for taking me down a peg. I fully deserve it and there’s no point in pretending otherwise. Good? Good.” That _was_ good, because Vanitas setting aside his bruised ego meant they didn’t have to keep talking about it. He didn’t even shove it out to set it aside more literally, just let it pass. There was clearly something far more important happening in his eyes, and hers as well. They could focus on actually discussing what was happening, and add a fresh pair of eyes to the situation. “Now that we’ve got that squared away and you’ve finally chopped my ego down to size, _what_ is going on with this fog?”

“We don’t know,” Ven said with false cheer. “And Sora’s been getting into fight after fight.”

“Oh, excellent! That’s just great, it’s exactly what I was hoping for. No, sorry.” Vanitas shook his head, but Xion barely noticed it in the face of what was happening behind him. The swirl of energy that came with Vanitas shunting out some of his fear and anxiety, she barely noticed that either. “You’re leaking into me Ventus, I can tell you’re taking this poorly. We both need to calm down or we’ll just escalate.”

Ven said something in response, and Xion didn’t pay attention enough to hear it. Their voices sounded distant, unimportant compared to what she needed to concentrate on. What was happening in Sora’s heart, it was more important than Ven and Vanitas talking about their linked feelings.

The wall behind Vanitas was rippling, and beyond it she could see solid lines of color that didn’t belong. The neon lights of the World That Never Was were shining through the walls of the shack, massive buildings in a city under a night sky with no stars. Narrowing her eyes, Xion could even begin to make out such specific streets.

Sora was somewhere that he absolutely, positively shouldn’t have been. Shivering from that realization, Xion hugged herself. If she went outside, she got the feeling that instead of the island the place she would end up would be that world. The recreation of Destiny Islands that she had lived within for months, she would leave it. But the fog, that threw everything off. The fog, didn’t it mean that what Sora was looking at was…

A dream. A dream that Sora was having of the world that she’d lived in was faintly merging with the dream they were dreaming, and if she left the shack she would step right into it. She would step into the dream where Sora’s heart was. Sora was there. Taking a deep breath, Xion realized that Ven had been speaking to her. But someone else’s voice was speaking too. Pushing it and the dread that voice filled her with aside, Xion tried to focus on kinder words.

“… you okay? Xion?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah… Sorry, I’m just… kind of cold. Do you think it’s okay if I went and got my coat? Since Sora’s not fighting…”

Vanitas looked at her critically, his lips pursed. “Go fast if you absolutely have to. It’s best if we stay together as much as possible.”

Nodding, knowing that she was telling them another lie, Xion faded and began to run. Yanking her coat on, she made a choice. If there was something she could do, there was no way she could ignore it. Staring at the city lights, steeling herself for whatever might come next, Xion ran. She ran from them. She ran through it, a barrier that gave way with only the slightest pressure. It was messed up, but if she went then she had to go. If she could make contact with Sora, Xion had to do it. If she made contact with Sora, surely things would be right again.

The sandy beach gave way to hard, rain-soaked pavement, and the place she was standing was a dream of a world that should never have been.

 

Vanitas scoffed, looking to the side. He looked ashamed of himself, and when he spoke Roxas knew why. “She played us. Getting her coat, what a load of garbage. It’s freezing in here. I believed her. But she didn’t walk, so it shouldn’t have taken more than a few seconds. Ventus went to the cave to get her, and-”

“She wasn’t there. I looked all over the island. Her coat’s gone, and so is Xion.”

“I can’t sense her light anywhere, but I’m not much use right now. I can barely see yours, I did a number on myself. But I should have known something was wrong, should have made Ventus go with her. All of a sudden she was acting weird, like something had happened that only she could see or hear. If… when she gets back, she gets to call me an idiot as many times as she wants.”

Roxas didn’t know whether or not to say, “I heard that.” Vanitas was hoping so much that he hadn’t. “Roxas, put _your_ coat on. She wasn’t actually going to get hers, it was just an excuse, sure. But there’s no point in not using it, not in this cold. I tried, but any Unversed that’d generate some heat… I just can’t call anything up, not like this.” All of the Unversed Roxas recalled that had created fire or warmth, their faces had been filled with glee. Vanitas, by contrast, was far, far from that emotion. Magic wasn’t an option either, because any fire they made that way would quickly fizzle out. Gathering wood to set it ablaze that way seemed like a terrible idea as well, in the close confines of the shack. Pausing, Vanitas looked at his hands. “Nope. Can’t call that either.”

Ven sighed, wrapping an arm around Vanitas’s shoulders. “That,” probably, was the suit that Vanitas had worn in the past. He was too weak to put it on again, couldn’t add layers of clothing to keep out the chill. Ven and Vanitas didn’t have coats, only blankets and each other. Neither of them were complaining about it, but goosebumps were prickling on their skin.

Maybe, the metal of Ven’s armor would be freezing to the touch.

His coat was there with them, folded up on a shelf. Shivering, Roxas reached over to pull it out and tugged it on for the first time in months. Taking the gloves from his pockets, he put them on as well and only gained a meager amount of warmth. Roxas shivered and looked toward the door, rubbing his arms.

“Roxas, wait.” Ven, it seemed, had a much better idea of what he was thinking. With those words, Vanitas’s eyes locked on him. For a moment, Roxas thought he would reach out and grab him to keep him from going anywhere.

“Don’t be an idiot, Roxas.”

“We have to do something. I can’t just sit here and wait for Xion to come back on her own, we have to go after her. She doesn’t have a Keyblade!”

“Oh, huh. Hey, Roxas?” He’d known Vanitas was angry with him immediately, but the sharpness in Ven’s tone and the feigned sweetness of it took Roxas aback. Ven was smiling, and it didn’t reach his eyes. All of that cheer was completely fake, and this time he knew it. “Hey, can you just do me a favor and show me _your_ Keyblade real quick then?”

It really felt as if Ven had punched him square in the gut. Both of them were looking at him flatly, two pairs of eyes that didn’t truly expect anything from him. He couldn’t help feeling he deserved that, an emotional slap in the face to snap him out of a foolish thought. What he’d said had been remarkably stupid, and it was only with their identical expressions that he recognized it as such. Flushing, Roxas only looked away from them.

Of course he didn’t have a Keyblade either.

“Okay, fine. But we still have to do something!” If he had to pick up a stick again, that would be what he did. “I won’t just sit here while Xion’s missing, okay?”

Missing. It still wasn’t the right word to use. Xion wasn’t missing.

She’d run away again.

“Yeah? So what are you gonna do then? No plan, right? Don’t make me hold you down Roxas, I _will_ do it.” For a long, long moment he and Vanitas only looked at one another. The threat wasn’t an idle one. If he tried to leave too, Vanitas would ignore his exhaustion and jump to physically restrain him.

Roxas didn’t think he could truly do it, though. Not for good. “Physically” wasn’t strict when he had no true body. It wasn’t as if Vanitas could simply reach out and take hold of his actual heart that beat within a constructed chest. Even an Unversed probably couldn’t keep him from leaving if he really tried to go. There was no way for any of them to do that.

Vanitas, it seemed… didn’t realize he understood that.

“Vanitas,” Ven muttered, his eyebrows drawn together tight. Roxas considered it for a long moment, everything he’d heard. Vanitas wasn’t strong enough to pass through the wavering walls. And now, Roxas knew that Ven could see them. Vanitas could see them too, the echoes of another world. They were both staring at the same wall, a wall that was part of a wooden shack and part of a concrete building – the same space, two walls, a contradiction that existed before their eyes. Roxas looked to the door, and in the same place was also a city street. He recognized the street. If he followed it, turned right, he would find himself in the contorted city. Was that the path Xion had taken? Was that where she was?

“Until we have a plan, no one’s going anywhere. If things go south the way they did before, you do what we talked about Ventus. Sooner is better than later, do not hesitate. Doing it now as a precaution, it might be best.”

“Well that’s great and all, it was even my idea, but I still haven’t figured out how to pull that off Vanitas.”

“… right. But you’re good in the moment. Roxas, you stay put. You hear me? Right now we need to get a better idea of what’s going on. Ventus, what are your thoughts?”

“I don’t know. Faith? Sora won before.”

“Don’t be stupid. It’s like Xion said. Even if Sora defeated Xemnas, that was only-”

“If believing in my friends makes me stupid, then that’s fine! I’ll be the biggest idiot there is. And you have a lot of nerve to call _me_ that, Vanitas! You tried to hide it from me, but if you’d just said something from the start I would have been able to smack something into your thick skull!”

Bickering was their thing, Vanitas had said. That had been months past, and Roxas couldn’t help viewing it as an opening. He wouldn’t interrupt, wouldn’t quell the argument. But it _wasn’t_ harmless bickering that he was witnessing. Ven had something major to lay out, and so Roxas remained silent in the face of that. He had his own thoughts to worry about. He had his own ideas to line up.

“And what’s that, then?” If he left the shack, where would it put him? The neon lights of the city were hidden just beyond. Xion had left, had walked from their dream of Destiny Islands to… wherever it was that Sora’s heart had gone. That was what _his_ heart told him had happened. She had found a street and followed it. Whether the one he was looking through was that one, Roxas couldn’t say.

“You were so wrapped up trying to protect me from the idea that Xehanort really did take Terra’s body, that you had proof. And see? I found out and look. I hate it, I do! It makes me angry to think about and it does hurt to know it probably went exactly the way you thought. But nothing’s wrong with me, Vanitas. I can handle hearing it. You know why? Because it turns out you really are stupid too, maybe even stupider than I am! I know you thought Xemnas is Terra’s body, I already got that, you think Xehanort took Terra’s body and became a Nobody and then that’s Xemnas. But you’re stupid! Even though you finally get that Xemnas was never all of Xehanort, you haven’t figured out the rest. Are you kidding me, Vanitas? It was staring you in the face and I could have told you that ages ago! The thing you were trying so hard to hide from me doesn’t even apply anymore, it’s been totally undone. If Xemnas was Xehanort’s Nobody with Terra’s body that means Xehanort became a Heartless and they split apart, which means Xehanort’s heart isn’t _in_ Terra’s body anymore, which means Terra’s going to _take it back_ _!_ ”

In the face of Vanitas’s stunned expression, Roxas pulled his hood up and vanished.


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for one of my favorite chapters! Did you guys see the release date for KH3 was announced? I know people are complaining, but it's pretty clear that the date was pushed back due to the team taking feedback from the audience seriously. So, cry some more I guess. I plan on posting two chapters today, but the second will come a little later in the day.
> 
> As always, thanks to those of you who comment. You're the ones keeping this fic going.

She was a puppet who played a part. She could play a different one. She could be…

“Naminé, is that you?”

For just a moment she could be Naminé, and… and what? She hadn’t thought any of it out. She’d leapt at an opportunity, thinking there was something she could do. Something was wrong with Sora, and for just a moment she’d been given a chance to act. She could act, but she didn’t know what to do. Sora didn’t know her, and so she had to become someone else. She had to be someone else, because… Because what? The sense of urgency bubbling up in her, it came from Sora’s voice and the knowledge that all she had done was punish herself again in the name of doing what was right for the others. Xigbar’s voice had been pounding in her head, because he’d been speaking. Sora had heard his voice.

Poppet, poppet, a puppet. She was nothing but a doll, and a doll could wear different clothes. A doll could be changed. Xion hadn’t known what to do.

 _She_ didn’t know what to do either. She couldn’t meet his eyes. If she met Sora’s eyes he’d know the truth. Turning so that Sora couldn’t see it – her heart that didn’t belong to who he thought it did and the emotions that she couldn’t hide – she could only run. If she ran away, maybe at the very least he would follow her away from whatever danger he was chasing, was chasing him. If Sora chased “Naminé” instead, would that change anything? Climbing those stairs, she pushed her scrambled thoughts away. It would fall apart. Everything would fall apart. The truth had always been that she was nothing but a-

“Naminé, wait!”

What had she thought she could do? A warm hand caught hers, and she wondered if she’d even truly tried to run away. She wanted Sora to tell her it was okay, that it would all be okay. She wanted Sora to save her – she wanted Roxas to save her. But the person whose eyes she couldn’t meet, he was just…

“I’ve got a message for you. I meant to tell you once this was all over.”

She couldn’t hear that message. It wasn’t for her. She wasn’t Naminé. The illusion she should never have created shattered and Sora could see her true face, and when Xion turned it was to see his. Their eyes, their real eyes, met. Who she was looking at was the person who was supposed to be the real her, the real Roxas. The person who they had been broken off from was looking at her, and Xion didn’t know what to do as what she’d told herself smashed up against reality. The person looking at her, seeing her real face…

He wasn’t Roxas. He wasn’t her. The person looking at her was neither of them. He was just Sora. The only person meeting her eyes was Sora, no one else. Everything she had made herself believe in, it just…

“Huh? Who are… you?” Even as Sora spoke those words, his voice faltered. Wanting to weep as it all broke down, Xion averted her gaze. Of course Sora didn’t know who she was. That was why she’d done it, taken a different shape. Shame and resignation had a harsh grip on her heart. How had she thought she could face him? “Wh- why am I…”

Sora deserved so much better than a puppet girl who would lie to him.

Pulling her hood up, pulling her hand free, Xion did the only thing she ever did and ran.

“Hey, wait!”

The tear that had silently trailed down Sora’s cheek, in whose heart had it been born?

 

“ _You’ve gotta wake up…_ ”

 

She’d fled through the city, streets she remembered, and Sora had chased behind. The faintest glimpse of sand instead of pavement, she’d followed it. Xion knew she never should have left in the first place. What had she been trying to do? How would she explain to the others why she’d vanished?

Ashamed, Xion put a hand on the door to the shack. Before she could open it, she heard the sound of furious voices. A quarrel in full force was raging within.

“Oh sure, and you think I’m just going to bolt? Is that really what you want, Vanitas? Yeah, hold on! I’ll just get right on that, and figure out how to scoot on over into whatever that place is! Fat chance!”

“Somebody has to go get them back, Ventus! If they could pass through to the streets, the other way around has to be possible. So do it!”

“I can’t leave you here, are you kidding me? Who was telling Roxas to stay put, huh? Now you want me to go too now that he went after her? What’s wrong with you!?”

“You know what’s wrong with me! Your heart is screaming “danger”, you think I can’t feel that? It was bad enough when it was just Xion, I can’t push any more out! Things are going wrong, I need to be aware! Go get them, I’m useless like this!”

“I won’t go without you!”

“You know my heart’s too weak, you idiot! I shouldn’t even be _awake_ right now and you know that too! You can go, you’re more than strong enough to even leave his heart entirely. I can’t! Just listen to me!”

“ _You_ listen to _me!_ I believe in Xion and Roxas, I know they’re going to come back! How can you-”

“Ven, I don’t want to lose any more friends!”

In the face of that silence, Xion didn’t know whether or not to open the door. Maybe… seeing her face would simply make things worse. Roxas had gone looking for her, slipping between worlds where their boundaries met.

“I miss them too,” Ven said, so quiet that she almost didn’t hear it with how loud her thoughts were. “Even though I forgot, deep down my heart still misses them. And I miss Terra and Aqua, and I know you want to see them again too. But Xion and Roxas are going to come back. We’re going to see them all again, aren’t we?”

Not knowing who those lost friends were, Xion opened the door as silently as she could and slunk back inside with her shame bubbling up in her heart.

“Do… do you honestly believe that Ephemer and the others are still-”

Two pairs of eyes locked on her as the door clicked shut, and an explosive sigh ripped free of Ven. All of the tension seemed to leave his body at once, and it only made it harder to look at him. She’d messed up so much. Having immediately gone off on her own like that, Xion wasn’t sure she’d had much room to call Vanitas stupid.

“Xion, you’re okay?”

“… yeah.” As okay as someone who wasn’t a person could be.

But was that really right? Thinking of herself as interchangeable and acting on that, it had only… Sora’s expression floated up in her mind, and Xion didn’t know a single thing.

“Sit down,” Vanitas said, and though he hadn’t raised his voice she knew how angry he was with her. Not saying anything, with no defense for herself, Xion sat on the edge of the bed and stared down at her knees. She couldn’t bring herself to meet either of their eyes. “Do you have any idea how worried we were? Where’s Roxas?”

“I don’t know,” Xion whispered, her eyes burning. “I didn’t see him.”

“… I see. Ventus, you _go_. He went looking for her, and he’s not going to find her.” A sizzling tension was rising in the air between them, a silence that stretched out as blue eyes met yellow and unspoken words reached ears that weren’t hers. Then, Vanitas was pushing out even more Unversed – clanging pickaxes, the crackle of electricity, frustration and anger in the face of their helplessness. The room simply grew more crowded with their presence, packed full of everything that Vanitas couldn’t safely keep inside. Feelings were all around her, and her own within her only grew in strength.

“You get it, then. I don’t know that world. I’m gonna get lost looking for him. Roxas knows the way back. I don’t know the way forward.” When Xion looked up – what could she do? – it was to see Ven’s forehead creased with worry again. It was her fault. If she hadn’t left, Roxas wouldn’t have left.

If she hadn’t been so determined to do all the things that Vanitas had told her would only hurt her, if she hadn’t been so determined to hurt herself, none of it would have happened. Thinking she understood something at last, Xion felt her lower lip tremble.

Was all of it just her own desire to pretend everything she’d been through had been for a reason? Getting what a puppet deserved meant that it was to be expected. Getting what a puppet deserved meant that she didn’t have to be kind to herself. If Xion simply pretended it couldn’t be helped she could absolve herself of everything and not have to face anything, even the fearful understanding that…

None of that past had been her fault. The responsibility belonged to someone else. She should never have tried to carry it herself. That pain didn’t have to be hers.

Knowing that it was right, half of her still rejected it. Continuing to lie and run away half of her rejected it and half of it screamed the truth, and she couldn’t push it down. She couldn’t keep pushing her heart down.

As her tears finally began to drip down her cheeks, Xion felt so small.

An arm wound around her shoulders and Vanitas pulled her in close, and her misery spilled from her eyes. The tower she’d built up within herself had completely crumbled. A warm hand found the top of her head, as if to cradle her and keep her from falling apart. Pressing her face against Vanitas’s shoulder, turning in to hide, Xion did nothing but begin to weep. She was weak, pathetic. No matter what she tried to do, it never worked out. And it wasn’t because she was a puppet. It was because she was Xion, and Xion was a failure.

“That’s not fair to yourself,” a voice whispered in the back of her mind, and it was Roxas’s voice and it was Sora’s voice. Where did the lines between them fall? They were different, and yet it was something that could rise to either of their lips, and yet she rejected their words. Forcing herself down into that pain, she was no different from a little boy who had clenched his fists and bit his cheeks and battered his own emotions for the sake of making himself suffer. A little boy, a child.

_“We were children! We were children and you betrayed us!”_

Ven and Vanitas had grown past it, could accept that reality and face it. The children of that day had become strong, strong enough to stare that life down and keep walking even with the memories of it in their hearts. Xion was still nothing but a betrayed child, unable to grow up.

Would she ever?

“Xion, what happened?”

“I didn’t listen to you,” Xion sobbed as her tears soaked through Vanitas’s shirt, a stupid little girl weeping and weeping, and Vanitas didn’t push her away and Vanitas didn’t let go. He let her take fistfuls of his shirt to hang on, and Ven’s hands found her back as if to tell her he was there too. “Even though you told me it would make me feel worse, I just thought that! Sora doesn’t know “Xion”, s-so if I was going to do _anything_ I had to-!”

“Show him a different face. Is that right?”

“Oh… hey, Xion.” Ven hadn’t understood, not until Vanitas had said it. One of his hands took hers, covering it but not trying to pull it from Vanitas’s chest. They were just holding on to her, both of them. “It’s okay, just-”

“But I’m not her! I’m never going to be her, I’m never going to be Naminé and I’m never going to be Kairi and I’m not even really a piece of Sora! I’m just…” She was just Xion. “I’m just me.”

“That’s right. And you don’t need to change that. Xion is just fine. You get that? You are not a bad person for existing. You are not a mistake. I know it’s hard for you to love yourself. Even if you can’t do that yet, understand that there are people who love you. It’s fine to be you.” Even if Vanitas was treating her like a child, that was fine. A tower of lies she had stacked in her heart had toppled over, and she couldn’t pick up the pieces alone. The place where she’d gone wrong was… “I don’t care if you mess up or trip up or even fall down. None of us care. Not me, not Ventus, not Roxas, and I’m willing to bet not Axel, not Naminé, and not Riku. We love you the way you are. And one day even more people are going to meet you, meet _Xion_ , and they’re going to love you for who you are just like we do. You’re going to become precious to them too. But right now, don’t think about them. For once, put yourself first. What’s your heart saying? What do _you_ wish? What do _you_ need? Listen to what it’s telling you. Don’t think. Don’t reject it. Stop running away from yourself, and listen instead. Just listen, and tell us how you really feel.”

It was such a familiar warmth, the warmth of a heart… no, hearts, that wanted to keep her safe. Strong arms held her tight, Ven and Vanitas’s arms that curled around her and their bodies that supported her aching self as she tripped and stumbled. The beautiful memories of the life she’d lived and the love she’d been given rose high in Xion’s heart.

“That’s not fair to yourself,” her heart had told her, and that wasn’t the only thing it had to say. It was past time she listened. It was past time she recognized that voice as herself alone. It was past time she stopped pretending to be someone else.

The life that Xion had lived and the people who loved Xion, who loved the “her” that existed… they wouldn’t ever truly leave her as long as her memories beat within her chest. That would never go away. She would never let go of them, any of them. They would always be with her as long as she lived.

Ven and Vanitas cradled her, and in their arms Xion felt the warmth of Axel’s heart as well. She didn’t know what she wished, but for once… she knew what she needed.

The place where she’d gone wrong, it was trying to bear it all by herself.

“I need someone to help me,” Xion wept, and her big brothers held her tight.


	85. Chapter 85

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for today's second chapter! It's been 84 years, but we're back to Ventus. I thought about posting this chapter on Wednesday, but first off I'm excited about KH3... and second off, I'm actually kind of mean and wanted to post this with a longer wait between chapters.
> 
> Anyway, as always thanks to those who are supporting me through comments!

“You gonna explain yourself?” Vanitas shrugged in a way that should have been casual, but he was clearly ashamed of himself in a way. Having caught the other boy sending jets of light up into the sky that was now clear of the rain clouds that had emptied themselves over the island scant hours before, Ventus wasn’t sure how to react. It didn’t seem random, though perhaps the location was. In the face of his continued silence, Vanitas held both hands out, brought them together, and spread them apart again. Between his fingers, letters began to stretch – the beginning of the alphabet, in clear, unwavering color. “What?”

“You think I didn’t notice you sneaking off trying to make shapes, Ventus? You’re bad at it. I figured I’d… no, right. For a few days I tried to work it out while you were asleep and eventually I did. I can make these, and other things if I can picture them. You get what I’m doing, don’t you?”

“… No, actually. I mean, my first thought just seeing that…” Ven reached out to touch that first letter, his finger sliding through the projection. It didn’t make sense. If Vanitas was writing something in the sky, it wasn’t for Ventus to read. “But there’s no one to-”

“Wrong.” Vanitas crossed his arms over his chest, leaving the letters to hang in the air before him. Ven ignored those in favor of the words he’d just heard spoken. There was someone to read whatever Vanitas wrote, and it wasn’t either of them. “Look… sorry I didn’t say anything. Ever since that storm, someone’s been there. Up there, there’s another heart. I just…”

Vanitas ran his hands through his hair, looking… not sick, but stressed. They were both stressed, in that choking air and exhausting heat. Even the plants seemed weak that day, though puddles still stretched across the beach. The moisture that had fallen should have revived them, and yet there was no reprieve. Throwing pieces of his uncertainty and frustration to the side as Blue Sea Salt and Monotruckers, Vanitas straightened out again and sighed.

Another heart was there, someone else. What it meant for them, Ventus had no idea. How and why had another person entered, and why had they gone somewhere else? It had been almost two weeks since the storm he was sure Vanitas meant, and yet the other boy had remained silent until he couldn’t anymore.

“Why didn’t you say anything, huh? This is really important, Vanitas! If someone else is there, we have to figure out what to do about it.”

“I didn’t want to tell you until I figured out how to make contact, you idiot. The more I fail, the less I think it’s possible. We’re within his heart’s depths. That person, whoever they are… they’re within some other part _._ It’s another layer. I can’t figure out how to cross over to it. Didn’t wanna give you… false hope.” That was Vanitas’s reluctance, the realization of it stabbing into Ven more painfully than any blade. Even if he understood the motive, Ventus found himself still growing angry at the deception.

“Vanitas, that’s not fair. You shouldn’t hide stuff like that. This means something, doesn’t it? If someone else is here, that means something is-”

“Of course something is wrong! Hearts don’t leave their native homes for no reason, Ventus. These storms, they’re not normal. The temperature, the humidity, they’re not normal. Just handing you a bunch of questions with no answers felt bad, so I wanted to figure it out first. Is that so wrong?”

“It could _affect_ us, Vanitas.” As much as he cared about Vanitas, in that moment he wanted nothing more than to smack him upside the head. Ven had no idea what Vanitas’s logic was with that, why he thought that hiding it was worth the risk. “If something started going really, really wrong even just twenty minutes ago, I wouldn’t have had any idea! Anything could happen at any time, and I’d have no warning at all. You can’t keep that kind of thing from me, I wouldn’t have a clue what to do.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” Vanitas said stubbornly, unfolding his arms in favor of shoving his hands in his pockets. Opening his mouth to fire off a hot reply, Ventus processed the words and found he didn’t know what to say. “If it’s darkness, that’s my domain. I’ll keep it in check. Anything else that would endanger that kid, we can’t do a single thing about it. There’s no point in worrying yourself sick over it, Ventus.”

“So what, you were gonna just do all the worrying yourself?” That was exactly what Vanitas had planned on doing, of course. The fact that Vanitas had kept something so important from him had his blood boiling, and Ven took a deep breath to calm himself down. Trying to pretend everything was normal, distracting himself by making Wayfinders out of every shell that they’d collected, figuring out how to cook, all of it had been idiotic and too optimistic. He’d just been hoping things would be okay without actually doing anything to make it so, but what good was that? “What happened to doing your best to be honest?”

“Sometimes the truth doesn’t help, Ventus!”

“Don’t yell at me, you big jerk! You’re right, the truth is awful sometimes, I know that! But it doesn’t mean it’s good to hide it from me.” Vanitas was hearing him, but whether he was listening was another matter entirely. Ven didn’t think his words would simply change Vanitas’s mind. “What else have you been keeping secret, huh? I thought you trusted me, Vanitas!”

“Those are some strong words from someone who spent years hiding it from me,” Vanitas said quietly. He knew what “it” was – what he had asked of Terra and Aqua on that day. Before Ven could come up with a response Vanitas was holding a hand up to hush him. “I get it. I wanted to confirm it, that I couldn’t make contact with that person, before I told you they existed. Not gonna say it’s wrong that you’re mad at me for it. But I’m also not gonna say it was wrong to keep it under wraps, Ventus. Whoever they are, it’s the same with whatever’s going on outside. We can’t affect either of them. I can take in the darkness if it comes again, but that’s it. You don’t need to understand what’s going on to respond to encroaching darkness, it’s not something to maneuver around, it’s not _sentient._ I just react to it. Either I control it or I beat it back. If it enters this heart again, it won’t matter how or why. It’ll just be, and I’ll have to sort it out.”

“Are you kidding me? Of course it matters. How am I supposed to fight if I don’t know what it is I’m fighting against? At the very least, understanding it a little better means that…”

“Means what, Ventus?”

“That I won’t get overwhelmed by something happening that I don’t get at all! What happened before, I had no idea what was going on and I couldn’t do anything. If I’d known, I could have started to fight it!”

Suitably chastised by those words, Vanitas simply looked away. Knowing they were both right didn’t make things any better, and Ventus was sure he wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Vanitas was creating an Unversed, a Versed, a manifestation that Ven didn’t know the meaning of just yet. Having seen it before, Ven hadn’t gotten the chance to reach out to that massive white bear. It turned steely eyes to him, and Vanitas’s words made it so that he didn’t need to touch to understand what had filled Vanitas enough that he’d needed to vent it out.

“I couldn’t have warned you back then. It had occurred to me, but only as a vague what-if. I never thought it was an actual risk. If it happens, I’ll deal with it.” It wasn’t like he was stupid. Ven hadn’t missed it, what Vanitas was telling him. He’d take the darkness in. He’d respond, he’d sort it out, _he’d_ deal with it.

Not once had Vanitas said “we”.

“Vanitas.”

“What.”

“We’re in here together, you know.”

“No, really? I wasn’t aware.”

“I’m gonna hit you if you keep doing that stuff. We’re in here together, so if something goes wrong we’re fighting together. You’re not gonna be doing everything by yourself. I’m not going to just sit back and be useless while you protect me!” The fact that Vanitas’s drive to keep him safe existed so strongly that he could manifest it, that was heartwarming in a way. But Ven’s blood was already hot with something else, a heat worked up from ramming against the wall of Vanitas’s stubbornness. The creature he touched was a confirmation of what he’d pieced together, and Ventus patted the bear’s head a little too roughly. What it brought back to him was that day, the spark of clashing Keyblades as Terra had turned his weapon on their master and thrown him into the lanes to safety. “Thanks, but I don’t need it. I can take care of myself.”

“Not saying you can’t. You’re the one who beat me, you’re stronger in heart. But don’t be an idiot. I can draw in darkness, divert it, utilize it. You can banish it with light, sure, but it’s easier to redirect a river than it is to evaporate it Ventus. I can _use_ it, even turn it into something else.”

“Oh yeah? So how long can you keep that up? How much can you take, Vanitas? If something bad happens to him and there’s darkness everywhere, are you really gonna tell me you won’t get overwhelmed by it? Will you just automatically know what to do?”

“I’m _made_ of the stuff Ventus. The body my heart lived within, even my clothing, was solely constructed of it, it was what beat through my veins.” Ven opened his mouth immediately to latch onto that sentence, and Vanitas waved a hand at him to silence him before he could speak. “Don’t, I don’t know how to make another body out of it. The first time was instinctual if that, it might not have been in my control at all. Maybe he was the one that did it, even. Doesn’t matter. It’s out of my control, no matter how much I hate that. If that kid gets messed up by the darkness, I’ll just consume it. The more I take in, the more I’ll be able to stomach. It’s part of me just the same as my negativity, makes me strong.”

Did Vanitas not recognize the light in his own heart? He’d long ceased to be a being solely comprised of darkness. Even if it was possible that he’d been unlimited in what he could consume before, it was surely no longer the case.

Vanitas… Vanitas didn’t realize it, that light and darkness danced together within his heart as equals.

“I’m not afraid of the darkness,” Vanitas’s voice said, and it was solely his voice.

Someone else was standing in front of him, the boy he’d once seen on the dock with such vivid eyes. It was only for an instant, but Ventus knew it would never get easier to see a stranger there. He was older, that boy. The last time Ven had seen him, he couldn’t have been much older than twelve. Now, he was…

Their age.

“Vanitas.” Just from his tone of voice, Vanitas recognized his seriousness. Fighting about it, Ven wasn’t going to give up on that just yet. He wouldn’t let Vanitas be the only one to face the darkness. But that was an event that might never come to pass. It didn’t feel like him, to try and piece together what to do if a possibility became a reality. That was, probably, why Vanitas had been so put off by his reaction. It wasn’t like him, because he didn’t sit down and prepare. He reacted in the moment. Settling down and planning it out, that was more like Vanitas than he wanted to admit.

Maybe Vanitas was more like him than he wanted to admit, thinking he would just form a plan in the moment.

“What happened?”

“That kid I don’t know, I saw him again. I don’t like this. I don’t know what it means. You were talking and _his_ lips were moving. He said the exact same thing.”

Vanitas quieted at that, his entire demeanor subdued and unsure. More Unversed began to spill from him as he brought a hand to his mouth, that uncertainty funneled out to leave him with a clear mind. If what Ven had just seen was truly a memory, it meant that somewhere in the past the boy that had suddenly been standing there had said those same words. Why? How long ago had it been?

Not a single good answer sprang to his mind, and Ventus wondered in deepening silence if the person he’d just seen in a memory was still human.

“I can handle the darkness,” Vanitas said finally, neither of them willing to confront those possibilities. A person who was important to the boy who they slept within. Was it his heart that now resided inside him? Contact with a heart on the brink of succumbing and becoming something else entirely, had that been the tumultuous storm? Contact with the darkness that such a person would create? Or even the pain and horror of losing a loved one? With no answers, Ventus only stared into the yawning chasm of those unending questions.

“I know you were trying to keep me from getting messed up by all this,” Ven started, reaching into his pocket for the memories of what grounded him. Those memories and bonds would guide him to do what was right for everyone. “I’m not mad at you for that, I know your heart was in the right place. But I have the right to know, Vanitas. Whoever is up there, or out there, or wherever, I have the right to know they’re around somewhere even if we can’t talk to them or even see them. I’m not gonna let you fight all alone either. We’re sharing, you get that? This island and everything on it, we’re sharing it. Whatever happens in here, good and bad, we’re sharing it. If we have to fight, it’ll be both of us fighting. We’re doing things together, Vanitas. We’re a team now.”

“Don’t be… stupid…” The weak way Vanitas’s words trailed off betrayed his truth. It was _their_ truth, and Ven could only hope that he could become brave enough to speak it aloud. If he wasn’t strong enough to do that, how could he face the darkness that might one day come? Such simple words just got caught in his throat over and over again. Owning up to it, meeting it head on, admitting to it… it was time, wasn’t it? More than confronting, it was time to embrace it.

“It’s better if it’s both of us, isn’t it?” It wasn’t what Ven wanted to say. He had to say it. After so long, he owed it to Vanitas, to both of them, to tell him the truth in his own voice. Even if he already knew. Ventus opened his mouth again, closed it, forced words from his lips that still weren’t quite right. Behind them, he hoped that Vanitas would hear what he truly meant. “We’ll go together.”

It was such a soft excitement that he saw in Vanitas’s eyes.

“In the water,” Vanitas mumbled, and Ven had no idea what he meant. Silence stretched between them, heavy and awkward, and finally Vanitas raised a hand to point out to the sea. Understanding dawned on him, as gentle as the waves that lapped at the shore. What Vanitas had caught a glimpse of said volumes without a single word – what they both wanted, clearly stated by its existence.

“I thought the frame seemed big,” Ven whispered. It was too hot out, the plants wilted. The air was too heavy, it was just a miserable day. But the hesitant, clumsy smile that Vanitas turned to him was truly… really, truly…

Their hands pulled a mattress from the ocean together, and Ventus took a deep breath, and the sky went dark.


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, have your hearts settled from the E3 trailers? It was a pretty busy event for KH3 content, I'd say. Anyway, here's our regularly-scheduled chapter.
> 
> Since we're getting very close to the end, what would you guys like to see in bonus content? Let me know!
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments! I hope you guys continue to support the fic to see the end.

The shimmering city, it was exactly as he remembered it. A world of harsh shapes and colors, dark pavement that shone eerily in the neon lights. A sky with no stars. Roxas looked ahead, his feet on blacktop instead of sand.

He’d left the beach for a reason, left Ven and Vanitas and the seaside shack. Knowing they’d be upset with him, knowing that they were afraid, Roxas had still left because he had to. He’d left looking for something, but…

Well, it had to have been Sora, hadn’t it? Somewhere in the world that he was standing in was the person he was looking for. He’d go to find Sora, the way he hadn’t back then. Even as the thought filled his mind, Roxas knew he didn’t have to go anywhere at all. Rather than him chasing after Sora, the truth was…

“C’mon, wait up.” The words didn’t make much sense, but Roxas didn’t think it mattered. The person talking to him, the person who was running to him, was Sora. “Who are you?”

With his hood drawn up, there was no way Sora would know. With the faint urge to smile, Roxas pulled it down again and turned to face himself, and what he saw in Sora’s eyes was such a complicated thing.

“You’re… Roxas.” Sora knew who he was, but that was only right. If Sora was going to fight, he needed to know himself. He needed to understand himself. Sora’s eyes met his, and thoughts spun frantically within Roxas’s mind. “How can you be here? Am I dreaming?”

What Sora wanted to know, was it actually “Are you real”? Wanting to laugh, Roxas said nothing and shook his head. No, it wasn’t a dream. No, he wasn’t real. The real person was the one standing in front of him, the heart that he’d once shared in the body that belonged to it. It had been such a game of chance. But it was Sora who held that heart, and there was no other way for it to be.

“C’mon, say something.” What could he possibly say? Only what he felt. Only the truth.

“This could have been the other way around.”

“Huh?”

“But it really has to be you.”

“What do you mean?” Of course he didn’t understand. How could he? Roxas wished he could just show Sora everything. Everything he had known, everything he had lived… everyone he had ever cared about, every memory he treasured. He was Sora, and Sora was him, and Sora was… the clouded memories that tried to surface, whose face did they show?

“There are so many hearts that are connected to yours.” Sora was him, so… “You’re me, so you can feel what I felt.”

And Sora opened his mouth, and Sora sighed, and Sora spoke, and the heart within him began to swell in response to the words that had never, ever truly been said to him.

“No. Roxas, _you’re_ you. We’re not the same. I wanted to tell you that. That you deserve as much as I do to be your own person.”

His own person, whose heart belonged to him. Hearing it from Sora’s lips, even that moment of surprise quickly faded away. The person who had needed to keep walking was the person whose heart had, with something so simple, somehow saved him. The person who needed to keep walking had always been Sora. And he… ah, but maybe he never truly had been Sora in the first place. Maybe that was all he had needed. Maybe all he had needed was to hear it from Sora’s lips. Maybe just that was something beautiful.

“Sora, see? That’s why it has to be you.” All Roxas could do was… give what he had. If he gave himself, then maybe, in some way… all his memories, everything he had fought for, everything that made him “him”, even the heart that beat in his chest… if he gave them all to Sora, maybe, with that gift would come his strength. Just a little more, to bolster all of what already lived in the heart that looked at his. If he remained within his heart, Sora could carry his power.

The hands that Roxas took hold of in his own were so, so warm.

With nothing but a smile, he sent all of himself back home.

 

“ _Sora, don’t chase the dreams. They’ll lead you nowhere, just to an abyss you’ll never be able to wake up from._ ”

 

He’d forgotten her.

Standing within the realm he lived within, Roxas stared at a closed door and felt his heart sinking deep, deep into the pit of his stomach. He had left their haven and he had forgotten Xion, even though her face had tried so desperately to surface in his mind. It had happened again. The memories he had sent to Sora, the “him” that he had passed on…

Had Xion been there at all?

He opened the door to a room filled with Unversed, saw her face that had been weeping, and plummeted into shame. Beyond the clusters of strange purple pots he didn’t recognize and all of the foul emotions he did, there was Vanitas, Ven, Xion.

“Roxas, get in here _now!_ ”

 

“ _Riku, Kairi, I found you!_ ”

 

Two people who somehow reminded him of

 

“ _Huh?_ ”

 

“Ventus. _Ventus!_ What’s wrong with you? Look at me!”

“ _Who…_ ”

“ _Ven._ ”                                                            “ _Ven._ ”

“… Terra, Aqua?”

 

_take their hands don’t let go don’t let them walk away again_

“ _What is going on?_ ”

 

“What?” Ven shook his head as if to clear it, his heart hammering in his chest. “I thought I saw…”

Like they were coming from underwater, like they were coming from miles away, Ven heard someone’s words and knew that everyone else heard them as well.

“ _Sora! Don’t! You’ve gotta wake up! Sora!_ ”

“ _Wait!_ ”

Sora had to wake up. If he didn’t wake up, what would happen? How could he do anything? What could he do or say to wake Sora? His own heart had created it, hadn’t it? Had called up that image of the people who he longed to see once more. Sora had seen them, because of his heart. There was something he could do, wasn’t there? A way to make contact, a way to make Sora understand that…

A memory was playing behind his eyes, a memory of a woman whose gentle eyes he knew and loved. A memory, but it could have been reality. He wanted it to be reality. Ventus was on his feet in an instant, the door to the shack banging open as he raced to the beach and found-

“Ventus, wait!” Vanitas knew better, he knew better, they all already knew but he couldn’t help it and still raised his voice

“ _Aqua!_ ”

Aqua wasn’t there

“Sora, wake up! Wake up, just wake up!” His words wouldn’t reach, he knew that as well. Even so, Ven only continued to shout in vain. If nothing changed, if Sora didn’t wake, it would happen all over again. “ _Please wake up!_ ”

He’d lose everything all over again. 

The rippling walls solidified in an instant, the boundaries of reality snapping back into place. It knocked him onto his back, the path to a different dream closing off again. Terra hadn’t been there. Aqua hadn’t been there. A memory of Aqua on the beach at sunset from years and years before, and that was it. Just that memory. Nothing else.

Now, Ven couldn’t even see the beach beyond that choking fog. He couldn’t even see their world, scant inches before his nose. Like it was coming from miles away, he heard Vanitas’s frantic voice.

“Ventus, where are you? _Ven!_ ”

“ _Why did you_ _ **lie**_ _to them and tell them they had no hearts?_ ” 

It was hard to breathe. Panic was grabbing hold of him again, the panic that flowed from Vanitas’s heart into his. Stumbling to his feet, Ventus could only rely on his own memories of the heart that was his home to lead him back to the shack. He could barely see, barely hear, could feel only the freezing chill of something going horribly, horribly wrong on his skin.

“ _As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that… of a Recusant._ ”

Ventus slammed the door behind him and thunder shook the island, and four hearts huddled together as the storm came.

 

“It’s over, isn’t it?” Ven asked it in a way that made Roxas think he didn’t believe it in the slightest. Ice was glistening on the walls. Even though Ven and Vanitas were sandwiching himself and Xion between their bodies in a protective embrace, Roxas felt cold. The faint light that shone in the shack, the light that Ven had created, it was barely cutting through the fog and darkness. Roxas didn’t want to think that Ven was growing weaker and the light he’d created was dimming. The alternative…

“Ven, _what is that!?_ ”

More than fog, what was filling the shack now was smoke. Black tendrils were beginning to creep in from around the door, and Roxas could only stare in stunned horror as darkness began to crawl into the shack to mix with the fog of Sora’s sleep. Darkness. Darkness was invading, slipping in through the cracks and surrounding them on all sides.

Something exploded-

 

“ _You’re in the deepest pit of slumber, and you’ve worn yourself down to nothing._ _There’s no returning to the world above._ ” 

It wasn’t an explosion. It was Vanitas, leaping forward with one hand outstretched and panicked eyes. Those black streaks that were spreading through the fog froze, and with the speed of a rubber band snapping they were redirected. Instead of continuing to edge forward, they were sucked in – into the hand that Vanitas had fallen over himself to throw out. Clenching his fingers into a fist, Vanitas looked down at that hand. “Good, fantastic! Just what we need.”

Xion’s hand was the next one to move, landing on his shoulder and yanking Roxas forward. “Roxas, move! Behind you, there’s-”

“Get to the center of the room, all of you! _N_ _ow!_ ” Unthinking, Roxas moved to obey Vanitas’s shouted order. The center, because the corner of the room he’d been closest to was filling up with darkness. Because all of the corners of the shack were pitch-black in a way that should have been impossible with the light Ven had made. It was darkness, not absence of light.

 _Darkness_ , in a place where it should never have been.

It was creeping in on all sides, swirling around them. With his lips drawn up in a snarl, Vanitas reached out and pulled it in. As soon as he’d done so the room brightened… but only barely. It was still there, lurking in the corners. “No you _don’t_. Get out of here, you don’t belong in this heart!”

“Vanitas,” Ven said sharply, and it was a question.

“If it’s like this I can take it. This isn’t good, it’s really bad actually, but there’s no chance of us being overwhelmed.” Roxas knew what was going unsaid, they all did. “Like this”, but that only applied as long as it stayed the way it was. Holding tight to Xion’s hand, Roxas glanced uneasily around the room. Like they were stranded on the deck of a sinking ship, they huddled in the center of the shack with joined hands. Vanitas’s skin was shimmering eerily, paler than before as the sweat beading on face caught the light that Ven had created. The ice was spreading, climbing the walls.

Sora’s heart was filling with darkness. If it was reaching them in the shack, pushing through the gaps around the door, it had to already be everywhere else. In the cave that he’d slept in for months. In the tree that Ven and Vanitas had made into their peaceful retreat. Pouring across the sand, the dock, the shallow waters, climbing up the trunk of the paopu tree and flooding into a hidden cave, flooding into a heart that should never be defiled-

“ _Riku…_ ”

 

Roxas turned panicked eyes to Xion as Vanitas drew the darkness away from them, and felt the cold hands of fear and rage take hold of his heart. This heart, their sanctuary, something not unlike hallowed ground. This heart, Sora’s heart that had reached out to shelter theirs, a heart that was filled with kindness and strength and light…

This heart, darkness had no place here.

He had no Keyblade and he had no body and Roxas didn’t care. What he had was his heart, _his_ heart that belonged to him, and what lived within it. His heart filled with light would-

“So light gives way to darkness. Good night, Sora.”

Everything gave at once, the wind howling in his ears as they plummeted, Xion’s hand in his, Vanitas diving forward, Unversed exploding from his heart and reaching out with clawed hands

Vanitas’s fear reached out to him and filled him and it was all he could do to hold on as they tumbled down down with only the faintest light remaining somewhere far above them because there was nothing beneath their feet no stability no anything just a black endless void

“ _Vanitas!_ ” More than a shout it was a shriek, Xion’s voice piercing his ears as a boy who had been born in darkness _pulled_

“Ventus, do it!” “It,” what was it? Roxas reached for light, true light, and drew it forth and could finally make out that above him was Ven in freefall, his hands held upward with a brilliant blaze shining brightly between them and a star made from metal and glass clenched in his fist. He was clad in it, both that light and the armor that had rested within his room. Though he was reaching out to them futilely, Vanitas’s other hand was latched onto his ankle, the blackness around Ven being siphoned away into his other half as he cried out,

“I still don’t know how!” They were all falling, every single one of them, hurtling down into a place that he didn’t know with the push of air making it so impossible to breathe he was spinning with Xion as she screamed as Roxas too couldn’t help but scream as Unversed after Unversed fell apart as panicked voices shouted to one another

“Well figure it out fast!”

Below them was

nothing

“I’m trying- Roxas, Xion, _no!_ ” Ven’s scream, it had nothing to do with what he was struggling to accomplish. It didn’t, because he had spun just enough to meet their eyes and Ven could see it, the abyss that hung beneath them that they would- “Terra, Aqua, give me strength-!”

 

A light Xion didn’t know burst from Ven, a warm orange glow and within it were dozens, hundreds, too many to count, chains of light that raced toward them all and caught them in their warmth. Halted in the air, bound to Ven’s extended hand, Xion could see nothing but black and white and that orange glow and the beds that they’d slept on and the shelves that had held Wayfinders made of seashells and a chest that they had never touched and the three people who were with her

“Ventus, you can do this!”

“Keep them safe!”

“I will, I promise! Now keep _him_ safe!”

The two people 

The hand gripping tight to those golden chains belonged to Vanitas now, and it was just them trapped in the clutches of a merciless magnetic pull because though that light and those chains remained their creator was

gone

A maelstrom of darkness rushed past her, past Roxas, pulled up by Vanitas’s empty hand, held in an iron grip by a boy with gleaming yellow eyes who cast it up, cast it up, and

Even surrounded by it all, Xion heard it as clearly as if Vanitas had been right beside her. Just five words, deceptively simple words that meant something she didn’t truly understand. Vanitas whispered them out solely for his own ears as if reminding himself, convincing himself, and he hauled the darkness up.

“I decide my own destiny,” Vanitas whispered, and his clenched fist rose and a light was shining and what was below their plummeting bodies was sand once more and Vanitas was speaking and this time his words were a furious roar

“You go somewhere else! Make yourself useful, and _g_ _et_ _out_ _of my home!_ ”


	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of today, there are five chapters remaining of the story! This is one of my favorite chapters as well. I hope you guys enjoy, it's absolute madness trying to port chapters with messed-up alignment and indentation to AO3.
> 
> And of course, as always I rely on your feedback to keep posting. I hope you guys will continue to support the story all the way to the end. Please let me know if there's something you'd like to see in bonus content!

It wasn’t like the storm that had brought darkness. Even so, the black clouds that blocked out the sun made his blood run cold. Vanitas’s hand was in his, their feet pounding against the sand as the howling wind began to tear at the world around them. A storm – and for the first time, Ven thought he knew what had been causing them.

“He’s _fighting!?_ Vanitas he’s fighti-”

“Get in the shack, you idiot!” Rather than simply shoving him inside, Vanitas picked him up bodily and shouldered the door open with their combined weight and momentum. The wind that beat at the walls, it was the heavy thud of a pulse running wild. If rain fell from that sky, it was what? Sweat, tears? Vanitas slammed the door, pinning it closed with the Unversed that he spilled from his body like a cup overflowing. They flooded the room, blobs of energy that slid between the cracks to block everything off from every angle.

There was no darkness, but it didn’t mean Ventus wasn’t afraid of what it could mean. What had Vanitas said? Diverting it like a river was easier than evaporating it. There was no darkness, but for how long? If every storm they’d weathered had been a battle, how close had they come to destruction?

This time, it truly felt like the darkness was frighteningly close to them. Not inside the heart they lived in, but close enough to touch it.

“Vani-” The crack of lightning had Ven leaping out of his skin, jerking against Vanitas even as the other boy hoisted him up again and pushed him into a corner. Terra and Aqua weren’t with him, couldn’t do a thing to help him. There was only Vanitas to protect him. What had appeared in the shack was that bear, though it was all but impossible to see it. He couldn’t see anything beyond Vanitas’s shoulder, and fumbled to create a light. Vanitas didn’t need it, but if Ventus couldn’t see he was worse than useless.

Why was it that he was so afraid?

What that boy was feeling, his wild panic, a sense of betrayal, it was leaking-

“Don’t pay it any mind, Ventus!” Vanitas was wound tight, waiting for the moment when he would have to fight. Ven clenched his fingers into fists. Because he’d lived a life feeling another person’s emotions, Vanitas knew how to handle it. That meant he could handle it too. They were sharing it, everything, so he could share that strength. Light bloomed between their chests, the light that was his heart and Vanitas’s heart and what bound them together. Something slammed against the side of the shack and rocked the walls. Vanitas’s arms tightened around him, and for a moment Ven thought he could feel him shiver. Over that booming thunder and shrieking wind, their words couldn’t be heard. He had to listen with his heart instead. Ventus took in a breath as slowly as he could, and sought out what hadn’t been spoken.

The emotions that made their home run wild, they weren’t his. He didn’t need to share them, the only thing he needed to feel was what he himself felt. He and Vanitas could keep those other feelings at bay and barricade themselves there. A boy with such overwhelming strength of heart, enough strength to shelter the hearts of others, wouldn’t lose a fight so easily even if it was a struggle the likes of which they’d never seen. Telling himself that, Ven pulled his face from where he’d buried it against Vanitas’s chest and actually looked at him.

Vanitas’s brow was creased with deep lines, his gaze flicking from the doorway to the stairs and ignoring all of his creations entirely. He looked fit to burst, so tense that lines stood out in stark view on his neck. The emotions from three hearts pounded in his chest, a whirlwind that raged within him.

What he wanted to ask in that moment was, “Are you scared?”, but Ven already knew the answer.

There was no darkness, Ventus reminded himself. As desperate as the fight and storm raging outside were, there was no darkness. Vanitas had him in an embrace that was too stifling, but Ven couldn’t bring himself to fight that. Indeed, every time the lightning struck he found himself grateful to have something to hold on to and he knew Vanitas was the same. If they had been in reality Ven thought he would have never been able to hear Vanitas’s voice ever again. They were in the center of a maelstrom of emotion that wasn’t of their own making, a cacophony that seemed to pierce right through his skull.

What was it? The bitter battle that raged in a world outside, who or what was it that clashed against the boy who was their home? Not knowing, Ven wrapped his arms around Vanitas as tightly as he could. Having faith in that boy and his strength, Ventus wasn’t sure if it was a way of reassuring himself in the face of his own helplessness. If the darkness came they could fight. Here and now, neither of them could do a single thing.

But he, whoever he was and whatever his name was and whatever he believed in, was strong. That was the truth, even if Ven was using it to soothe his uncertainty in that moment. It was true, and so he had to keep his faith. Because Vanitas didn’t have that faith, was trapped within his anxieties, Ven would have to have enough for both of them. His belief, the knowledge of that boy’s strength, his unwavering feelings, everything that bubbled up within him when he looked into Vanitas’s eyes, that was what he’d send.

Holding on to Vanitas and sharing his warmth Ven silently urged his heart to let Vanitas feel what he felt, and the storm that raged around them faded from his mind in favor of the person who he wanted to share all of his light with.

Could Vanitas feel what resounded in his heart? He’d feel it with all his might, so that they would both understand it in the deepest parts of their beings. An unchanging embrace simply continued, even as the shrieking wind fell apart and what had been shaking even the core of their home died away.

Ven could call that a victory.

He wanted to speak, wanted to act as he drew back enough to look Vanitas in the eye. Something that he’d kept safe within his heart was now filling it so much that he was fit to burst. It was a feeling that had reached Vanitas without words, stretching between them. It was a feeling that was returned.

Staring at Vanitas for such precious moments, Ventus knew he had everything to gain from saying it out loud. The storm had ended. The battle had ended. No darkness had encroached on their home. Maybe it was the thrill of having made it through, nothing unspeakable occurring, that made him strong enough to say it. Coasting on that, he slowly pieced his feelings together to finally put them into words. He needed to say it right.

“Vanitas, I… I really think that, that maybe I…” Stumbling over his words, an uncertain but elated fool…

“I already know,” Vanitas whispered to him, “But say it to me anyway.”

An unsteady breath, a rising pulse. He’d say it, what “We’ll go together” actually meant. Simply gazing into those soft eyes, Ven opened his mouth and everything went wrong.

 

It was like the sound of glass shattering, booming in his ears so explosively that he should have been deafened. It was the loudest thing Ventus had ever heard in his life, louder even than the explosion that had come years past when a Vanitas who no longer existed had taken hold of his heart. The sound of glass shattering echoed around them, and the darkness came. Swirling, coiling, catching hold of him even as Vanitas did as well.

smothering choking aching like smoke in his lungs the darkness came and he’d been a fool to think they could simply keep it at bay.

               Vanitas had been a fool

They had been fools they had been stupid it was stealing his air and clogging his throat, a shadowy hand that clamped over his mouth and dragged him

down down down to the depths of despair and searing hatred

a hand slapped against the gem of his armor and though it came there was no safety he was

freezing burning jolted as if struck by lightning

“ _Ven!_ ”

Was that real? Vanitas’s voice that had screamed his name and hands that had been ripped from him as

Vanitas was the shack was the island and everything he had come to know leaving his hands breaking

            twisting shattering

the sky that he could now see as the darkness tore everything to pieces was like a glass panel that had been smashed

 

his feet were trapped and he was falling

falling

into darkness

Vanitas was screaming for him and a hand caught his as the ground beneath their feet was sucked 

into

the sky the sky that had broken _the sky was_ _gone_  

“ _Sora!_ ”                                                 A girl’s voice cried a name that wasn’t his

 

“it’s the end of the world” Ven thought, and maybe that wasn’t wrong.

Vanitas’s hand around his wrist was the only thing connecting him with the rest of their reality that was falling apart. He could feel it like a force of nature something that was and wasn’t Vanitas’s hands not the real hands that touched his heart but _something_ something that took hold of the darkness that was drowning him.

the voice calling out to him was Vanitas

the being that drew in the darkness was Vanitas

the person who was giving him the chance to fight was

was the person that he’d

 

given that moment he took hold of what lived in his heart.

“ _Light!_ ”

stupid they were stupid even the light that Ventus brought screaming forth that blasted back the darkness was just that a single light surrounded on all sides not three just one just him a single light under siege                                 no matter what Vanitas took in pulled back tore from his heart

his armor was useless, the wind was ripping his helmet apart to let him see the darkness unshielded and pure agony was digging its claws into him

Ven couldn’t protect himself

Vanitas couldn’t protect him

                                                                       he would be consumed                                         cease to be human

                                 he needed his master                                                   he needed

 

Terra                                        Aqua

_Vanitas-_

hands yanked him forward his hands Vanitas’s hands their hands that clasped tightly to one another as his aching screaming heart overflowed Vanitas was drawing him close in a world where gravity had vanished where the rules of existence fell apart

where they were ripped into a sky that was no longer a sky

where his heart was beginning to warp and crack where what they had turned into their home was drowning in the darkness where his veins were on fire and filled with ice and where Vanitas was-

 

Softness touched his lips, and the suddenness of it silenced the shrieking of his mind for a moment of peace.

 

And

his hands were empty and he heard Vanitas’s voice cry it out as weight slammed against his chest and

Ven knew too late even as his light was surging

“ _ **Go!**_ ”

Too late Ven recognized the bitter taste of a goodbye.

The wind tore the tears from his face and carried his screaming voice far far into the depths of the heart that Vanitas remained within. No matter how hard he fought, how desperately he reached out, Vanitas was there in a heart that was no longer human and Ventus was

gone.

The future that he’d finally gathered the courage to touch had shattered alongside the heart of a boy who had once extended his hands to a person in need. He could no longer see it. What remained of their peaceful island, what remained of their peaceful life, what they had made the best of together, it was gone and he was gone and everything he’d had left was no longer within his sight.

The expression that Vanitas had turned to him as the wind whipped their tears away was

 

no longer within his sight.

Sobbing, screaming, unable to reach what mattered, Ven was tossed and spun through the air that he clawed at in desperation and the heart that was a part of his was further and further and further and further away from his hands. Gone. He was gone. Everyone was gone. His family was gone. Vanitas was gone. That boy who had saved them-

Sora was gone.

In voices only heard by each other, two hearts continued to weep.

Their bond was pulling taut

he couldn’t let it break, he couldn’t let their hearts be parted.

The precious bond he shared with Vanitas that was so dearly-

 

Light, and with it the sound of

of

no, no no _no_ _ **no**_

not that anything but that not something so

it pierced his ears and injured heart, tore him open, the person who had been, was, would always be

the sound of a heart on fire stabbed into him with countless blades, set ablaze, burning to ash

his heart that was fractured his heart had fractured his agonized cracking breaking heart he could do it

the screaming dying heart that belonged to Vanitas still touched his and so he _could_

 

his bleeding heart and unwavering feelings, Ven shattered them and took hold.

 

It wasn’t missing, the piece of his heart that he flung with all his might. It would travel the line that stretched between them, a chain that wouldn’t break. It would go to the person his heart had chosen. It would go where it was meant to go – where Ven decided in that moment that it was meant to go. And Vanitas would breathe.

Bathed in the vivid orange of twilight, Ventus closed his eyes.

Bathed in the vivid orange of twilight, a boy with no name awoke.


	88. Chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Did you enjoy the last chapter? I wanted to let you guys know that Ven's storyline isn't over yet! There's more to come before Roxas arrives in Sora's heart. As of today's chapter, we're drawing very close to the fic's ending! The final chapter is set to come out on Friday, if I'm remembering right.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's been supporting the story! We're close to the finale. now. I hope you'll continue to share your thoughts with me right up until the end.

The sand below him was impossibly soft. Clinging with all his might to Xion, Roxas stared up at a warm orange sunset. The world around them, it was…

Normal. It was normal. With a heart still racing in panic, Roxas took the deepest breath of his life and let it out again.

A streak of light shone above and what shot from the sky was Ven’s heart, safe and sound. He hit the ground with an impossibly-light thud, and Roxas closed his eyes. The darkness was gone, pushed out and locked out. Vanitas had driven it from Sora’s heart, and Ven had made it so that no more could come in.

Not knowing how, Roxas was still certain that was what had happened. They were okay. Ven’s choked gasp made him rethink that entirely.

“ _Vanitas!_ ”

It was hard to sit up, but he did it and dragged Xion up with him. Ven was scrambling, tripping over himself as he held his hands up to catch what that was and wasn’t, was and wasn’t, was and wasn’t Vanitas. They landed together in a crumpled heap, and what flickered on the sand like a lightbulb about to give out was the projection of a heart that had worn itself down to nothing. Beneath it, Roxas could see it. They could all see it, the true shape of Vanitas’s heart as what it struggled to create stuttered in and out of existence.

“You idiot!”

Vanitas, grinning like a fool, closed his eyes. Every time his image faltered, Ven’s hands slipped through it and left him snatching desperately at empty air. Every time his image faltered, more panic rose in Ven’s eyes. A body was there and gone and there and gone, and Vanitas’s beating heart shone beneath it.

The voice Vanitas finally spoke in was, like his body, barely there. Even so, it was a voice filled with exhausted amusement and pride. “Yeah. But it was cool, right? It was cool.”

“Shut up! What does that matter, huh!?” It sounded like Ven was choking, and Roxas couldn’t understand. They’d survived it, whatever it had been, but Ven… unable to keep a grip on the boy who should have been in his arms, Ven was crying out with emotions that were running wild. Vanitas was falling apart because he was exhausted. His heart that had been barely conscious in the first place, it had fought with all its might nonetheless. So he’d sleep, wouldn’t he? Exhausted, Vanitas would sleep and gain his strength back.

He’d sleep, so why was it that Ven was so afraid?

“Vanitas,” Xion whispered, and her voice was unsteady and hoarse from screaming. “What… did you do? The darkness, what did you do to it?”

Vanitas’s laugh was strangled, ugly, because his throat was as broken down as the rest of him. “Used it. Turned it into, sssomething. I, tried to send it… to the armor, to bolster it. Don’t know if that… worked out. All I know is that… it should stick by him, react to whatever draws close. If anyone comes near Sora right now, they’re… ha, _he’s_ in for a nightmare.”

“You sent too much of yourself, you stupid-”

Himself.

Vanitas had banished part of his own strength – his own being – along with what had invaded Sora’s heart. That was why his form couldn’t maintain itself, why the projection was breaking down. That was why the voice that they were hearing wasn’t always coming from moving lips. It was a heart that had used up all of its power. What he hadn’t wanted to even consider finally began to rise in Roxas’s mind.

Was Vanitas…

“Take-”

“No,” Vanitas said calmly. “Don’t you dare break it for me. I’ve taken enough parts. Guess Sora’s not strong enough to, keep me going this time, huh. Well, I’ve… taken enough from him too. He best focus on himself.”

“I’m _not_ letting go of you again, Vanitas!” What Ven cradled in his hands was a sphere of sparkling light. A glittering crystal, as if held within a perfect bubble of glass. It was light, a pulsing, shimmering light that ebbed and flowed. It was…

A heart was something indescribably beautiful, and Roxas wished with everything he had that he wasn’t seeing it.

“You can’t give any more to me. It’s, too dangerous. You can’t give Sora your armor again if you’re asleep… So, just…” The facade that Vanitas had held for just a moment cracked and fell apart. That feigned calmness, acceptance, it was gone. All that was left was fear, and Roxas felt faint as his own grew to match what was in Vanitas’s voice. “I, I don’t want this. I’m not done yet, I’m not ready to let go of you. I’m not… ready to say goodbye.”

“If you won’t take it, then… then, let me protect you! Come with me, like I said! Until, until you’re okay again, come… come sleep in here. Maybe it won’t be a beach. Maybe it’ll be lonely, but! It won’t be forever, I won’t let it be forever. So, in _my_ heart…”

“Ventus, would you say… I’ve become a part of your heart?”

“You really are stupid,” Ven whispered, and Roxas buried his face in Xion’s shoulder so that he wouldn’t have to see Ven cry. Maybe, it was a moment they had no right to watch. Maybe, it was just…

Maybe, Roxas was just afraid to watch another friend vanish.

“You’re _already_ a part of my heart, Vanitas. So like I said back then… Like I said!”

Xion clung to him tightly, and her tears spilled down his neck, and Roxas wondered if his own were just as warm. Like him, she was helpless. If they spoke, would it change anything? What could he say? “Don’t leave”? “Don’t give up”? They were things Vanitas already didn’t want to do. Even so, Roxas opened his mouth.

“Vanitas, _please_ let Ven help you.”

“He’s already helped me,” Vanitas snorted, a strange sound to be coming from a ball of glittering light. “Way before I ever deserved it, he was, helping me. You could, argue that-”

“Vanitas, you’re our friend,” Xion whispered, and that burned in his heart as much as the tears that streaked down his face. Vanitas was their friend. Sometimes bitter, a nasty sense of humor, an obnoxious laugh, but strong hands and an unmatched drive to fix what had been broken, to make things that were entirely new. Someone who had seen their pain and taken it seriously. Someone who had met them and understood them, and found them good enough exactly the way they were. The heart in Ven’s hands, it was one that had faced down its mistakes and faced down despair, hopelessness, fear, and stood up again to walk a kinder path. Roxas looked at that heart, because it belonged to someone important. Ven cradled it as he spoke, and tears spilled down his cheeks, and something about it sparked memories.

“You did all of this because you were trying to protect us, I know! I don’t want to lose you over it. I won’t let that happen, I won’t accept that! I won’t let go of you again!”

“You think I could just sit back and let you and the others get hurt? Couldn’t… stomach that. I said, I’d keep them safe. Didn’t I? This place is, my home. It’s my job to protect it, and everyone in it, so that, one day you all can go back. To, to your real homes.” For the briefest instant, he was there again. Then, nothing more than that glimmering heart.

“Vanitas, maybe it’s not the only one, and maybe one day we’ll never be able to come back here, but… this heart’s our real home too. I… what I want is to take you with me.”

“Yeah, I know. You never did shut up about that, did you… “Come with me when I leave”, huh. To _your_ body… I pitched, such a fit over it, didn’t I? But, you know why.”

The scene he watched, it was so familiar. Roxas remembered it, a castle from a time long ago. A conversation he’d once overheard. A pair that Ven and Vanitas reminded him of. A feeling he hadn’t known about.

“Vanitas, please. Don’t leave me…”

Words that Axel had told him finally sprang to mind. A feeling that happened if there was something really special between two people. A feeling that wasn’t the same as being best friends. That chain that stretched between Ven and Vanitas and connected them in a way that could never be severed or shaken… was that what it was?

Love?

“Back then I said, I’d consider it,” Vanitas’s heart croaked, and Ven’s laugh was strangled by tears. “After much deliberation… no, I always knew. In the end, it’s better if we go together.”

“Right? That’s what I want too. So for a little while, you can breathe with me. We won’t be the same. I don’t want to be the same. But you can breathe my breaths and you can walk my steps, and you can sleep in my heart until you’re strong enough to be yourself again.” Smiling through his tears, Ven held tight to a heart that had been and still was a part of his. That was all there was to it, Roxas thought. Not the same person, they were still a part of each other in a way that could never be defined. “We chose each other, so let’s stay together always.”

For just a moment he could see Vanitas there again, and the only thing he did was take hold of Ven’s hand. That was all he did in that moment. He took Ven’s hand, turned it upward, curled his fingers around something that Roxas couldn’t see.

Sniffling, Ven grinned. It meant something to him. Perhaps in that moment it meant everything to him. “You never forgot about it, huh. So will you tell me? I already know, but… say it to me anyway. Why do you want me to have this?”

“Ha! S’not the same reason, as before. A little closer, will you? I do have, _something_ to say to you…”

It wasn’t in words that he could hear. Ven held on to them, a gift and a heart, and drew them both close to his own. So quiet that he couldn’t make out a single sound, Vanitas still spoke to Ven’s heart and Roxas understood that his words weren’t for their ears. And eventually his voice reached them again, and he wiped at his eyes that had spilled over once more.

“Roxas, Xion, thanks. Thank you.”

“For _what?_ ” What could Vanitas possibly thank them for, when it was Vanitas who had torn himself apart to rescue them?

“Being my friends. Ventus, you too. We made a, big stink about it, but to get to how we are now… we were friends first. Had to have been. Still not… sure I was much good at it… but I’ll cherish it anyway.”

“Then… then, since we’re friends, make me a promise. Make me a promise, Vanitas!” Xion wanted to reach out to touch him Roxas knew, because he was the same. Ven was the only one who could do it, could touch a heart so small, fragile, precious. Maybe that was okay. “Promise me that we’ll see each other again!”

“Yeah, ‘course we will. I’m not, giving up on that. My story’s not over yet, can’t get rid of me that easy. When, when I start writing it again… I’ll, do a better job. I promise. So… keep Ventus on his toes, and I… I’ll see you later.”

“You’ll see us soon,” Roxas said, a correction that he knew Vanitas would have smiled that lopsided smile at. He’d see Vanitas again soon. As long as they still remembered, as long as they never gave up on it, they’d all see each other again.

“Sure, sure. Right now though, think I’d… better sleep. Ventus, I’m counting on you to, take care of them. Don’t mess it up. I’m… trusting you. I’m trusting, all of you. Make sure you, sleep well. Don’t eat the same thing every day. Cry when you need to cry, but. Laugh properly too. Look after each other. All of you, you take care of each other. Until, you can leave, and after. You go home… and take, take her with you. She’s… in Kairi’s heart, right?”

Naminé.

“Make sure. You make sure you bring her home too. It’s… hard. To be alone.”

Ven and Vanitas… they knew that better than anyone else.

“I, wanna meet her, so you best figure out… how to make that happen. Axel too. He’s your family. And… Ven? One more thing. Guess I can’t… ever make things easy on you.”

“What is it?”

“One day… will you help me tell them I’m sorry?”

“Sure thing. We’ll go together, okay? Until then, let me keep you safe for a while. I won’t let go.”

“Yeah. We’ll go together. I’ll tell you how I feel again, count on it. I… Sorry, to say, something so messed up, but I’m… glad. I’m so glad, that I was born.”

“Me too,” Ven whispered, almost too quiet to be heard. “Vanitas, I…”

“I already know. Say it to me one more time, alright? I’ll come back to you, I promise. Say it to me then. When I… see you again, say it to me in words. And say it to me, with your heart. I’ll let you go first, so don’t… keep me waiting. As long as I can still, feel you… I won’t be lonely. But I’ll get bored, so hurry up. Make sure you don’t… hold back when you scold me, too. You have. Plenty to, yell at me for, so, really let me have it. For now… I, I love you guys, so… see you soon.”

Holding his hands to his heart, Ven closed his eyes and sighed in a voice filled with warmth. That warmth came from deep inside him, the warmth of something cherished. The warmth of someone precious seemed to fill every part of him, and when he looked at them again it shone in his eyes.

All that remained in Ven’s hands was a single seashell just like the one that Xion had left him back then, because what mattered was now in his heart.

Treasured memories, and a heart that was dearly beloved.

From within his pocket, Ven pulled out a second shell. The same kind of course, one resting in each palm. Something he had kept with him, a shell with a single messy hole drilled through it. Bringing those hands together, Ven…

For the first time, Ven made it himself. He held out his hands, and a soft energy took a shape that they knew so well. After slipping those seashells into his pocket, Ven pulled the lid from a pot that overflowed with the gentle scent of the love they held in their hearts, and within Roxas finally saw it. What Ven had always reached out for, hidden away within something Vanitas felt for him alone. A golden chain with only two links rested at the bottom, having been there all along. Two hearts linked together.

Roxas finally understood it, why that chain Vanitas found so precious was truly unbreakable.

“Hey… welcome home.”


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! These upcoming chapters are very short, so I'm pairing them together. Two chapters today, and then the final two chapters on Friday! It's been a long ride with lots of twists and turns, but it's coming to an end.
> 
> Your feedback is what got me this far in posting the fic. If not for everyone who commented, we wouldn't be here right now! So thank you, and I hope you continue to support me.

How long they remained there, Xion couldn’t say. Seconds, minutes, hours. Twilight reigned in Sora’s heart, and so she didn’t know. Together, they remained. Ven sat on the beach, looking at his hands, not saying a word. He would be okay, she was sure of it. Both of them would be okay, in time. Ven would keep fighting with all his might, with the strength of two hearts that loved each other beating in unison.

Maybe, maybe there would be days when he wanted to be alone, days where he closed that door. There would be days where Ven would weep. There would be days when he needed them, and they would be there for him just as he had been for them. They would be there to help him carry that weight, when those days came.

They’d take care of each other.

In that moment, what Ven did was get to his feet and stare up at the sky. Roxas held a hand out to her to help her up, and Xion took it with no hesitation. Even as tired as she was, with her heart longing for rest, a part of her knew it wasn’t time to sleep yet. There was still something left, something they were all waiting for. It wasn’t over, not quite yet.

Sora would be okay. Ven would be okay, and Vanitas would be okay. She’d see him again, and when she did she hoped that she could give him an answer.

What did she wish?

A brilliant light was beginning to shine in that sky, and Xion thought she knew what it was. Not sure where to go, not sure what to say, she pulled Roxas along. Someone would be there soon. Why, Xion wasn’t sure.

Sora was asleep still. That, she did understand. He needed a friend to come wake him up again, because he was hopeless. A lazy bum wasn’t opening his eyes, but he had plenty of people who wouldn’t let that slide. It wouldn’t be long now.

Maybe, though, Riku could use a little help. Sora needed to know, didn’t he? Who it was that was coming to bring him home.

Looking at Roxas, looking at Ven, she knew that they understood that too.

All at once, three – no, four – sleeping hearts snuck quietly away to prepare for when a precious person would set foot in Sora’s heart.

 

A chest that no one had touched lay on its side in the water, its latch undone, its lid finally opened.

 

Of course, it would be a place like that. The center of Sora’s heart, the deepest part of his being, of course it would be the island that he loved so much. It was reflected within him, _b_ _ecause_ Sora loved it. Sora, who had saved him once. Sora, who had called his name. Sora, who he had vowed deep within his own self to protect. Sora, whose heart touched all the worlds and shouted it out with all its strength. Sora, whose heart cried it out with each beat. Sora, whose heart would never stop declaring the love that lived within it.

Sora needed him, and so Riku would do whatever it took to bring his beloved smile back home.

 

Roxas waited for it, the moment that Riku opened his eyes on the shore of Sora’s heart. The twilight sky truly was beautiful, a world bathed in a gentle orange glow. Riku took a breath of the sea breeze and turned to walk, and when he did Roxas had decided that he would go first.

There was something he could say, a question he could ask. A way to let Sora know, even as he slept, that someone was there for him. Someone who was important to him. Riku met his eyes on the dock, and Roxas knew the words to speak.

“Roxas?”

Riku was there because…

“What is it that you’re so afraid of?”

Though for a moment he didn’t understand, it was only for a moment. Riku looked aside just barely, and thought about a question that he already took so seriously. What was it that Riku was afraid of? That was something that only he could answer.

“Losing something that’s important.”

An answer that only Riku would give.

Satisfied with it, Roxas faded away to wait. Ven and Xion would take it from there. He had faith in that.

 

Riku. A boy he’d seen before, now looking so different. Even as Roxas disappeared, Riku continued to walk. For the first time, Ventus looked at him – a person who was precious to Sora, a person who he could finally truly see. He saw the real Riku for the first time, and Ven felt he understood something from that.

A boy who wasn’t afraid of the darkness walked across the beach of Sora’s heart, and met his gaze.

“Roxas?” Well, he couldn’t blame Riku for that. But after that split second, looking into clear blue eyes, Ven knew that Riku knew he was different even before he spoke. Riku saw his heart, and realized he was different. “No, wait…”

He had something to say as well. A question that would help Sora… an answer that would tell him who was there for his sake. Maybe, it was for more than Sora’s sake. But Riku was there, standing in the orange glow of twilight, and he was there for a reason. Ventus knew the importance of that reason, and asked.

Riku was there because…

“What is the one thing you care about more than anything else?”

Riku looked to the side, and thought, and answered with words that belonged only to him.

“My close friends.”

Maybe, they were all more alike than they knew.

Accepting that, Ven bowed out. It was Xion’s turn now, and that was something he knew he could entrust to her. It was Xion who knew him, knew Riku. It was her that could help him bring Sora home.

 

What could she say? Sitting on a tree that faced the sea as the tide came in, Xion heard Riku’s voice from below.

“What is going on?” And then… “Sora!”

Well, that wasn’t quite right. But maybe it couldn’t be helped. Who else would be there, on the paopu tree watching the sunset? As it turned out, her. The thump of feet on the stairs didn’t make her nervous. It was just Riku, after all. A person who was welcome, come to visit.

Knowing he didn’t recognize her by the expression she saw out of the corner of her eye, Xion couldn’t mind it either. He couldn’t remember, not woven into Sora’s heart the way she and Roxas were. Precious in a different way, he couldn’t recall those memories of their shared past. One day she thought he would. One day Riku would know her name again. For now, the most important thing was Sora. Sora, and a question that she couldn’t answer just yet. Riku could, and that was what mattered. Soon, she’d be able to finally think of herself.

She’d help Riku in that moment, so that she could one day ask for help herself.

“Who are you?”

Riku was there because…

“Riku. What do you wish?”

“More questions…” Leaning against the tree, taking the place that belonged to him, Riku gave an answer that was the truth of his own heart. “I wish… to recover something important that I lost.”

Ah, but that was right.

What she wished… it was bubbling up within her. To love more than the friends whose hands she’d tightly clasped. Because she hadn’t lost them, not truly. And the thing that she’d lost, it was still within her reach. She could get it back. What Xion wished was…

To love herself, exactly the way she was.

To believe that she was good enough.

 

Breathing in the scent of the sea, listening to the gentle sound of ocean waves lapping against the shore, Riku felt he understood something indescribably precious without a single word.


	90. Chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the shortest chapter in the entire story. My bad... maybe. As of this, there's two chapters remaining which are also short. Still, we're almost at the end so I hope you can forgive that. Something perhaps... really unexpected is coming in this chapter.
> 
> My plan re: bonus content is to take a week off after posting the final chapter! So bonus content will start at the end of the month. There's only a few "chapters" to it, but if there's something you'd like to see please let me know!

Where was he? Having opened his eyes, Ven simply stared forward into the dark abyss that surrounded him. How had he ended up in such a place? Why was he in so much pain? Where was…

“Terra! Aqua!”

Nothing

“Vanitas?”

No answer came, but the memories did. They seized his throat in a freezing, iron grip. Was he… was something like that… No, no… it had fallen apart, everything. Everything he had loved, he couldn’t… something like that, it couldn’t be.

It almost felt as if someone was speaking, a voice heard only inside of his wounded heart. If it was the truth or just something conjured by his own fears, pain, desperation, Ven didn’t know. A voice that simply called his name, a voice he had come to love, growing harsh and afraid with each repetition… the voice of someone who, he prayed, had opened his eyes once more.

“Ventus. Ventus? _Ventus!_ … ven?”

“Vanitas…” … couldn’t hear him. Couldn’t see him. Couldn’t feel his touch. Couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t, they couldn’t meet again. Even his heart that had swelled with love and light, he could never share it with the person it had and still longed for.

Never, never, never again…

Ven laid on his side and did nothing, said nothing, looked at nothing as his tears dripped silently on glittering glass, and his vision and consciousness blurred away until they were nothing as well.

 

In that haze, Ventus could do little more than sleep. He’d been asleep, just sleeping. Waking in fitful spurts, he lacked the strength to do more than open his eyes. There was no one to speak to, and so he never spoke. All he did was lie on cool glass, listening vaguely to unfamiliar voices, sounds, seeing light that reflected on the surface of what he’d crumpled upon. Ven had gone somewhere he didn’t know, and the warm hands he’d wanted to never let go of were so far away. What else could he have done, in that moment? How else could he have held on? Unable or unwilling to even roll over onto his back, to see where that light was coming from, Ventus stayed on his side and tried not to think.

Of course he was alive. Of course he was. But now… now everyone was out of reach. Ven was somewhere he didn’t know, and he was alone. Terra and Aqua were nowhere to be found. Vanitas was, might be, _couldn’t_ be… and he was…

Alone, and filled with such pain and despair that…

Ah, he’d just go back to sleep.

 

Something was there. Not knowing what, not knowing how, Ventus knew that something, something so close, something near something important something vital that he needed to reach that was so, so close to his empty hands, it was…

Everything was white. The walls he saw through some window in the sky were white. The ceiling, white. The floor, white. Everything he managed to lay eyes on upon mustering the strength to roll over, it was all the same. Everything, and it was blurring and warping and a voice was

“Easy, man! Let’s retreat for now and-”

What sounded like his own voice

“I’m fine!”

“We have to…” Names he didn’t recognize

they were fading in and out, someone’s voice he didn’t know, his voice

his voice?

“Let’s get out of here for now!”

“No, wait…”

there was something, he could… almost…

Not knowing what it was, Ventus could almost keep his eyes open.

 

almost.

 

Lying on that beach alone, none of its warmth reached him. The sun’s rays felt like nothing. The sound of the rising tide echoed in deaf ears. Not a single thing from that heart filled with love reached his own. Even if it had, he no longer had anyone to share it with.

There wasn’t a single thing he could share with him, not anymore. Having been given and squandered a thousand chances, the words he’d failed to say had no one to hear them. The person his heart yearned for more and more each day, he was nowhere to be found. No matter how hard he wept, no matter how many times he woke and called out before the memories flowed back, that person was nowhere to be found. That person no longer smiled at him within their home.

A life lived cruelly. It was his just desserts, what a person who was evil got. Punishment, retribution. He’d avoided it for so long, but of course it had come. If only that punishment hadn’t touched…

“Ventus…”

Ah, and if only that voice would answer. His voice, the reply to his weeping heart’s useless calls. The voice he treasured, the voice he’d grown to foolishly believe would always be there to say his name. The voice of the one who he’d wanted to decide his destiny with, it seemed so close. Ventus’s voice…

If only it would reach him.

Though it was what his heart wanted more than anything, that sound never came. The voice that called to him wasn’t the one he wanted. He couldn’t hear Ventus, not anymore. And what cut into him and choked him until he could no longer keep his eyes open, it was everything that he couldn’t hear.

What had always existed from the moment he had been born, it was…

The beating of his heart was… surely, surely… simply too quiet to hear… a sleeping heart, its soft beating had to still be… if it was sleeping, if he only slept, it would mean Ventus could open his eyes again.

That thought pounded within him, frightening and exhausting him into sleep, and it wasn’t alone. A thought that hadn’t surfaced in so many years was simply returning. Everything had returned like it had never been gone… except for what he wanted, leaving him with one thing left. The Unversed didn’t come, couldn’t be born from his feeble, pathetic, weak heart, and yet he was so hollow.

A part of him was missing.

Amid that emptiness, it was only those thoughts that wouldn’t leave him. He was so tired. Tired of crying, tired of fearing, tired even of his own fervent prayers. Tired of being so, so alone. And so it rose, after so long.

Ventus wouldn’t have wanted it for him.

Even so…

“Ah… I wish I was dead.”


	91. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is the penultimate chapter! There's one more left, and that's the epilogue. I hope you've enjoyed the ride, because the final stop is next. Then there's a smaller ride. Like a cab ride home after the adventure, which is its own tiny adventure. This particular chapter is something people were hoping to see, so I hope it delivers.
> 
> I think I've already said this in a prior foreword, but I intend to take a week off before starting to post bonus content! I'll likely be putting it out a bit more slowly. That's something I'll be figuring out in the week off. If there's something you'd like to see, please let me know!

He wanted to see Vanitas. He wanted to see Terra, to see Aqua. He wanted to see his master. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be safe and warm, for the pain to end. He wanted to get his life back.

Unable to do any of those things, Ventus curled up on his side and cried himself out.

 

If nothing changed, he’d never survive. If he never saw any of them again, if the dull pain that still lived in his chest never faded, if his miserable thoughts and fears didn’t grow silent… Ven wondered distantly how long it would be, before it was too much for him to take.

How long would it take for his spiraling mind to convince itself that it would never change? How long would it be before he convinced himself that they were all gone forever? Before he convinced himself that his own body had wasted away, dead and gone? That there was no home and no one’s arms for him to return to?

How long would it be before his faith ran out?

 

“Hello?” A soft voice, quietly calling out once more… perhaps, it really was just his heart playing tricks on him as he lay in his empty bed with only the weight of everything Ventus had made to comfort him. A foreign voice. Someone he didn’t know. A hallucination come to whisper to him again… was that it? “Can you hear me? My name is-”

The only thing he could hear was the sound of the waves.

Because he still didn’t answer, he never heard their call again.

In the darkness of Sora’s heart, all he did was sleep.

 

The boy who slept within that bed, he was someone who hadn’t been born within Sora’s heart. It shouldn’t have surprised him to find something else unexpected, after so long. He thought he’d come to understand it, the fact that the world’s mysteries were something he would never understand.

A boy who exuded such deep and profound misery… was someone who he knew nothing of how to approach.

Perhaps, it was actually that he simply didn’t have the courage. So many lives had been torn apart by his hands already. Reaching out to that child was something he couldn’t do. Perhaps… it was that he remained a coward.

At the very least, that boy wouldn’t be alone much longer. But that was something he wouldn’t interfere with. One day, even that might change.

Whether that was for the best or not, whether it was to truly protect the happiness that might come to that boy whose short life had come to a tragic end, whether it was just to hide his own shame… he wouldn’t make that child face him, and perhaps it truly was that he couldn’t face that child. For now, though it may have simply been running away from a sin committed by his own hands, he’d lock it all away and sleep.

That boy wouldn’t be alone, and some part of him prayed that they would find peace in it.

Soon enough, Roxas would arrive.

 

Unable to breathe, he felt the air tugging at him. Falling, finally aware, in some place that he didn’t know – no. Some place he did know. Ven couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t see anything, but he knew where he was. The water closed over him and he was awake and okay, but the thing that really mattered was kicking his way to the surface. The haze that had consumed him was gone. Not knowing how or why, he was back and somewhere, somewhere had to be-

His desperate lungful of air wasn’t enough. Flailing in that familiar sea, Ven whipped his head around. He was in the water, this was the heart he knew – wasn’t it? What if it was the real island? But above him, around him, they were everywhere – Unversed, an endless swarm of them.

Proof, it had to be proof, it meant that Vanitas was alive.

What if it was the only thing that remained of him?

Someone took a breath of air, and Ven whirled. Unfamiliar eyes met his, a blue as deep as the ocean that he was treading water in, a girl, someone who wasn’t…

Vanitas. Where was Vanitas? He had to get to shore. The person who was an irreplaceable part of his heart, his aching sorrows filling the sky, Vanitas was at last somewhere that he could reach. Choking on water with his frantic breaths, Ventus finally found the ocean’s floor with his feet and began to shout in a voice that cracked and broke.

“ _Vanitas!_ Vanitas, where are you? Vanitas I’m here! Vanitas tell me you’re okay! Vanitas, answer me! _Please!_ ” He had to be somewhere, Vanitas was somewhere and he’d find him and it would be okay again. Vanitas, he’d have Vanitas back, he would have that precious part of his life back in his arms. He’d have the person who he’d…

 

_He could hear it-_

 

The cloud of Unversed that seemed to blot out the sun, all at once, burst into a black haze that he remembered so well. The energy that lived in Vanitas formed a maelstrom, twisting into the air, funneling back to its source. He felt it in his bones, the deepest depths of Vanitas’s misery and loneliness, as it became nothing. The feeling of it choking him was only for an instant, and Ven could breathe and think and fight his way to dry land. His balance was lost, he could barely stay upright, but what did it matter? That part of Vanitas was swirling into the tree that formed the center of the island, and he had to get to it. Ven couldn’t remember how. He couldn’t get purchase on the sand beneath him. Vanitas’s energy was gone, the air was so painfully heavy, his heart was beating wildly with a frantic anticipation. What he could feel was the beating of Vanitas’s heart, safe alive warm within his reach. In a heart, he was everywhere at once. He could go anywhere within it if he simply remembered how. He could go to where Vanitas was.

The beach beneath his feet vanished and Ventus tripped over himself and almost fell as he landed. What was all around him was the room he’d wanted to make his own, a bed he had never been able to sleep in pressed up against the one that he’d curled up in so many times. The things he’d made were scattered everywhere, spilling onto the floor from a hastily-overturned blanket, every Wayfinder that he’d pieced together with once-clumsy hands. None of it mattered. Not a bit of that could compare to the person scrambling to his unsteady feet, who turned red-rimmed eyes to him and cried ugly tears and was _there,_ the most beautiful thing Ventus had ever seen. With the same determination, in the same instant, acting on the same desires, the two of them did the same thing.

He hit Vanitas with open arms and the full weight of his unwavering feelings, and what burst from their hearts that touched was everything that had been packed into them. It burst and washed over him, streaming down his face as he held on and Vanitas held on and all that he had held back released. He was warm and solid and real and Ven wouldn’t let go.

“This is real,” his mind wept, and neither of them would let go ever again.

Vanitas’s emotions were all around him, a flood that he understood without laying hands on. So strong that they escaped, taking a form that he had never seen, yet familiar and gentle. Vanitas’s feelings were swirling around him and they were the same feelings that pounded in his heart. Ventus opened his mouth to speak, to say it, and was entranced. He’d say it, what was long overdue, what Vanitas had wanted to hear him say back then.

He’d say it, but first he would grab Vanitas by the cheeks and-

The salty taste of mingled tears couldn’t hope to compete with the sweetness of Vanitas’s lips. Truly taking it in for the first time, Ven closed his eyes and Vanitas’s hands found his face and everything that his own foolishness had denied him was there. How could he have ever waited? A moment that should have happened so long ago was what they lived within, his fluttering heart, their sobbing laughter. And the words that burst from Vanitas’s lips as they parted, they were what he’d failed time and time again to say.

 

Ventus was there, Ventus was with him, and it wasn’t a dream or an illusion. Everything that had tortured him for so long vanished in an instant as Ventus crushed their lips together and their shared feelings resounded in his chest. Wanting to scream it out, his breath had been stolen away and he could only gasp. That didn’t _matter._ He couldn’t wait, he had to say it he had to tell Ventus-

“ _I’m in love with you!_ ”

It was overflowing with light

 

Weeping, laughing, Ven knew his smile in that moment was the brightest in all the worlds.

“Me too! Me too, me too! From now on, we’ll go together. We’ll go together, okay?” Vanitas’s feelings for him were as vast as the ocean within their home, and he could return every single drop. He couldn’t even be mad that Vanitas had said it first, because those words alone had his heart soaring. With his arms around Vanitas, with Vanitas’s arms around him, Ven could finally cry out what he had been aching to speakfor so long. He’d been granted it, blessed with another chance to say the words. What “We’ll go together” had always meant and would always mean, it was truly…

“Vanitas, I love you!”


	92. Chapter 92

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the epilogue, everyone. It's been a long ride. I hope you had fun on it! This was a mammoth undertaking and a labor of love, and I never expected the response I got to it. I'd love to hear your thoughts, but to everyone who's made it to this point I'd just like to say the same thing:
> 
> Thank you for following the story all the way to the end.

A bottle carried by the waves, free of what it had been safe within in for so long, bobbed to the shore at Riku’s feet, and he took hold of it with no hesitation.

“What’s this?”

What came next, none of them could have ever predicted. There had never been any sign of it, none that had been found by their eyes. But from his words, they all understood. That chest that had felt as if it didn’t belong to them, it had felt that way for a reason.

“You were not the visitor I expected.”

It hadn’t been for them. It had been for someone else. Even Riku wasn’t that person, but it seemed… The bottle that Riku had plucked from the surf, it was fine in his hands.

Though not everyone within Sora’s heart recognized the man who walked across the beach, Riku did. And in that moment, Riku was the one who was most important. Looking to the two who knew, Ven watched as they watched. Hidden high above in a tree that Riku wouldn’t turn his eyes to, they all watched.

“DiZ! I mean… Ansem the Wise. What are you doing here?”

“Perhaps I wanted to atone for events of the past, even if no apology can undo the harm I have wrought.” Roxas turned away and closed his eyes, for a reason only he truly knew with his heart. He turned away, but continued to listen. What that man was doing there, no one but Ansem himself could say. Having existed somewhere that they’d failed to reach, someone that none of them had known was there walked easily to the side of a person who was welcome in Sora’s heart.

Riku was already a part of that heart, after all.

“I felt… that I ought to leave at least something behind. So I digitized myself and my research, and hid them within Sora.” A digital person, like the digital town that Roxas had held digital memories of. Having lived that event of the past, Roxas had little interest in looking at the man who had created it. Xion, who remembered the voice speaking as one that had called her something less than human, held so many feelings in her heart that existed. Atonement. The fact that the man on the beach knew what he had done… no one could say if that made it better or worse.

Something in that person had changed.

“So this is… data?” Words that made little sense to them, at least they made some sense to Riku. Data. It had been with them all along. Even if one day they had opened that chest, maybe none of them would have learned a thing. Maybe Ansem, whose somber voice spoke of regret, wouldn’t have faced them.

“Yes. A clue, I hope, to finding yourselves or your lost friends in your hour of need.” Ansem spoke, and the vague mysteries that lived in Sora’s heart alongside them all became just a bit clearer. “The heart has always been quick to grow. Each exposure to light, to the natural world, to other people, shapes this most malleable part inside of us.” Placing his hand over the hearts within him that had been changed by others, Ven closed his eyes. Light, and other people. That was what had saved them, because it had brought joy and love to someone who had never expected to feel its warmth. And the words that came next, at them Roxas opened his eyes once more and looked out to the horizon. “Nobodies are not different from us in that manner.”

They never really had been any different, the Nobodies who lived within Sora’s heart. No different from Ven, no different from Vanitas. No different from Riku, who stood on the beach and took in what was said, and who held his own events of the past that weighed heavily on his heart.

Roxas forgave him for those acts. Though it wasn’t because they were the same, he knew that Sora forgave him too. The things that Riku had done wrong, because he remembered them with guilt and because he wanted to make it right again, because he had become someone determined to do better, Riku was someone who could be forgiven. Xion looked out to someone who had brought her a painful truth and treated her with kindness, and the heart within her chest found him dear solely for what he had done for her. For Xion, not the memories that had been beating within her chest. To someone who he’d had no reason to offer a gentle word, Riku had given her a choice. And the hearts that were listening, Ansem gave them a truth.

“Sora was the only one able to return to his human form without destroying his Nobody. That is a statement to the love in his heart for other people, and the bonds that tie them together.” And then, what Ansem gave them was something infinitely more precious. “Perhaps… he has the power to bring back the hearts and existences of those connected to him – to recreate people we thought were lost to us forever.”

Ven looked to those people, knowing that he himself was one of them, and found a smile on his lips. How, he couldn’t say. How Sora would do something like that, Ven didn’t know. Perhaps it didn’t matter. Someone like Sora, with a heart full of love for others and who was loved in turn by them, would find them all one day.

“Our most precious treasures – even an empty puppet -” Ah, and it wasn’t her, because she was no longer a puppet, because even if she didn’t know who she was yet she had never been a puppet. “- the trees of the forest, and the petals on the wind – there are hearts around us everywhere we look. And it does not take superhuman powers to see them. Surely we remember as children the way our hearts made everything seem so shiny, and perfect.”

Beating within their chests, Vanitas had seen them. Not because of what he was, but because of who he was. A child’s innocence, maybe the last echoes of it still lived within him. Maybe that had been what had changed everything.

“Sora has a heart like that – uncorrupted, willing to see the good before the bad.”

Well, no one could say that was much like Vanitas. But of course they couldn’t be exactly the same. No one was entirely like someone else, no matter their origins or their knowledge or their beliefs.

No two hearts were exactly the same, and that was what made their lives so full.

“When he sees the heart in something, it then becomes real. When a connection seems broken, he may have the power to mend it.” A man who understood far more than any of them continued to speak, and what he gave to them was a seed of hope that each one of them would tend to with care.

“He has touched countless hearts, he has accepted them, and he has saved them. And some of those hearts have never left him-” How he knew they were there, none of them could say. Ansem the Wise didn’t turn, didn’t meet their eyes, and yet it seemed he understood that they too were listening. Maybe it wasn’t simply for Riku’s sake that he spoke. “- whether they fell into darkness or were trapped there – whether they sleep in the darkness of Sora’s heart, or were welcomed into its warmth – they can be saved. All Sora needs to do is be himself and follow wherever it is that his heart takes him. It is the best and the only way. The rest is in there.”

Finally, Riku spoke. Not knowing they were there, he said what each heart hidden away and listening wanted to say as well.

“All right. Thanks. Thank you.”

“Of course. Now why is it that you are here?”

“Huh? Uh… I kinda need to wake Sora up.”

“Don’t tell me he’s gone to sleep again?”

“Yeah. What’ll I do with him?”

“What, indeed?” Scratching the back of his head, Ven grinned. Ansem knew they were there, and perhaps always had. Perhaps he had simply watched them, from a place they’d been unable to see. Perhaps, hidden away in that chest, he had observed the lives they lived within Sora’s heart and found answers of his own. “Never fear. Sora is safe.”

“Huh?”

“You see, by defeating the Nightmare imprisoning Sora, you freed him.” What that meant, not one of them could say. They simply looked at each other, baffled, and hoped that it would be explained once Riku had gone back home. A Nightmare that had held Sora captive, a Nightmare that Riku had freed him from.

Each one of them had been trapped in a nightmare of their own, once. It took another person’s hand, another person’s heart, reaching out to save them. And now Sora was safe because of that hand, and soon everything that had been broken would be made whole.

“You mean… the Sora wrapped in that black phantom?” A black phantom. Well, it seemed Vanitas would have to apologize to Riku for that. It seemed it hadn’t quite faced down the person he’d expected it to. Maybe he’d have to apologize to Sora too, for a protection that had locked on to the wrong heart.

One day, though… Vanitas would speak it with his own lips.

“Then, you came here, and you were questioned by three young people. That was the final key to awaken him.” What they had sought to do, it had been what had needed to be done. “Sora is awake. You can go home now.”

“Really?” It would have been nice if she could have talked to him a little longer, to perhaps look into his eyes and have him know her name once more. But Riku had people waiting for him. Riku had Sora waiting for him. “Thank you.”

Because it belonged to Sora’s heart, the Keyblade that Riku called to his hand took shape within it. He unlocked a keyhole, and through that door he would return to the world outside. That was what was right. Watching that, Ven felt a warmth inside him that he could so easily explain. A way back to the place they all belonged. Once they all had the power, the strength, to leave, there was a door to walk through. For a little while longer, his heart, Roxas’s heart, Xion’s heart, Vanitas’s heart, needed to sleep. Within another heart, Naminé would sleep as well for just a bit longer.

One day they would all be able to open their true eyes, and meet again.

One day Sora’s hand would reach out, and they would take it.

Until then, they would wait for him.

“Young man! I do not believe you ever told me your name.” Of course, Ansem already knew it. But Riku smiled at the words, words that meant something to him and to Ansem that none of the others understood.

Smiling, Riku answered, and went home.

“It’s Riku.”

 

To him and to everyone far away,

“See you soon.”


	93. Chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's Bonus Content Chapter 1! There are three bonus chapters, all of which are comprised of a series of short segments and mini-chapters that contain basically another side of Roxas and Xion's narrative. The fic itself had one hard rule - everyone in Sora gets a POV at some point or another, and only people who are inside Sora get a POV.
> 
> The bonus chapters do not have this rule. I hope you enjoy! I plan on posting the second one on Monday, and the last one on Friday!

Foul. Distasteful. What was wrong with him? A pair of lost children on his doorstep, knowing nothing of the place they had found themselves within. Roxas and Xion were floundering and he knew it. They had no idea what was going on around them. They needed help to get back on their feet.

So why was it that he’d acted in such a way?

Cradling his head in his hands, Vanitas sat on the bed that he had made so long ago and cursed at himself for what he’d become. No, what he’d returned to. What was wrong with him? It was cruel, such an attitude. Shoving it aside, pushing it out, he stood once more and surveyed his work.

The things that he had piled into that room, the room that Ventus had wanted to make his own, he’d made steady progress in shifting what was extraneous in that place to an alternate area. The cave he’d fled to so many times, he…

Well, he didn’t need to go there any longer. Maybe, choosing it as a storage area was simply a way of stating that as fact. Having finally noticed his own teeth digging into his flesh, Vanitas unclenched his jaw and forced his shoulders to relax. Instead of biting down again, he simply ran his tongue over the mess that his mouth had become over four long years and tried to keep his thoughts from consuming him. Ventus was off with them, of course. That was to be expected, of course.

It was them that Ventus gave all his attention to, of course.

Something like that was understandable. It was. A pair of hearts that were so painfully young, just leaving them on their own was borderline inhumane. Ventus would never do something so awful. Ugh, it was a disgrace. Vanitas knew it. Had his injuries really been so dire, or was it that he hadn’t truly changed at all?

Two kids who had nowhere to go, and yet the only thing his mind kept repeating to him was “make them go away”.

“You’ve become a disappointment.” The voice that whispered within his heart, it wasn’t his. It wasn’t Ventus’s. It was someone else’s voice, but it was a voice that came from his own heart.

There had been something inside of him that wasn’t him. What he hadn’t wanted to face, it had been something that should have been clear. The boy who had saved Ventus, the boy whose name he finally knew, had done it by linking their hearts. By giving a piece of himself to Ventus, who had been dealt such a grievous injury, who had been assaulted and betrayed. Sora had given a piece of his own heart, to make up for what had been lost.

Of course, in that same way… of course, the empty gap in his own hollow self had been… filled in. Had been given something that hadn’t belonged. No, it was Sora who had given a gift. His heart had had something that wasn’t his forced inside. The proof of it had been written on him, able to be read in his eyes from the moment they’d changed.

That thing was gone, completely silenced at last. Scoured out by the light that had brought back his home, it no longer had any hold over him. But something else still did, and Vanitas knew it.

Now, it was simply his own fears and doubts that took that familiar voice.

A disappointment. A failure. A disgrace. He’d thrown away everything he’d been meant for. He’d rejected the reason he’d been born. And the person who had created him, the person who had brought him into the world, the person who was his… his…

“Shut up.” Ah, but even if the man was standing right in front of him Vanitas knew he’d never manage to say those words. He’d never be able to say, “You don’t tell me what to do. You don’t decide how I should be. You’re not my master anymore.”

Even if he got the chance, he would never be able to say it.

 

Despite everything, Ventus had come back to him. They’d been able to meet again, even with such a miserable past. As long as they existed within each others’ hearts, the beats of those hearts would sound in tune. No matter what happened to him, he’d stand up again and again. He’d stand up, so that the heart that beat with his would never stop.

 

It was like a beacon burning deep inside. A beacon that he didn’t need to see, a beacon that he’d feel no matter how far away. What was burning in Vanitas’s chest was a beacon for him, and no matter how far away they were… no matter how far, Ven knew he would always be able to follow it home.

Wherever the people he loved were, that was his home.

 

Roxas and Xion were little more than kids.

Maybe they weren’t that bad, though.

 

He’d had a year to think about it, and finally had an idea of what else they could have done in that moment.

 

“Vanitas?”

“What, you need something?”

“Yeah, an answer. Do you think I can still call for it?”

“Oh, helpful. Call for what?”

“My armor. My… real armor.”

 

“Just take a break,” Ven said from his perch on one of the numerous crates lining the cave that Roxas had called “the secret place”. It was a silly name. It seemed like something that had been cooked up in the mind of a little boy, because it was. In that way, Ventus thought the name was absolutely perfect. Finally knowing his name, it really did make him feel a lot closer to the person whose heart he’d finally returned to. Sora.

Sharing his face, Vanitas was making a distasteful expression with it indeed. His vicious scowl and trembling hands were a clear indication of how frustrated he’d become, but at the very least he recognized it at the lift of Ven’s eyebrows. Monotruckers poured from him like the sweat rolling down his bare chest, and once he’d released them Vanitas was far, far calmer.

“Thanks,” Vanitas said finally, wiping at his forehead with the back of his hand. Now, Ventus thought, it was fine to wade through that group of Unversed to approach him and catch him by the cheeks. When they were alone, when Roxas and Xion slept, Vanitas took the rest of that mask off and faced him in full.

Well, of course he didn’t feel as if he could trust them yet. To him they were a pair of strangers, even if they’d been within Sora’s heart for several days at that point. Vanitas couldn’t trust them, but…

His lips tasted just like it, the fruit that Vanitas had gathered up a truly comical amount of. He’d been testing as he worked, and Ven could only find it funny that Vanitas really had become something of a chef. Coconut husks littered the ground, cracked shells all over the place, and Vanitas had turned himself into quite the mess working with them. Sneaking a glance toward the entrance of that cave to make sure they hadn’t been discovered, Ventus glimpsed the Unversed around him falling apart out of the corner of his eye. It was his only warning before Vanitas had caught him, arms wrapping around his waist and hoisting him up. All Ven could do was laugh in the brief moment before his mouth was otherwise occupied.

“What, is this your idea of a break?” It was Vanitas who laughed at that, and despite the fact that it was probably something like three in the morning he suddenly didn’t feel tired at all. Roxas and Xion were naive, though Ventus couldn’t claim he wasn’t either. Still, it was way too embarrassing to just explain himself… themselves, to them. Even if it meant stealing away when they got the chance, Ven thought that would be okay for a little while longer. As long as he could feel the warmth of Vanitas’s heart, it was fine.

What was filling the air was a creature that Ventus thought he would never need a name for. It was just the love that Vanitas felt for him, something that words weren’t necessary for, something that words could never truly describe. Love spilled out all around him and the sweet taste of coconut was on his lips, and it didn’t matter if they kept those moments secret. Vanitas was beside him once more.

“You have a better thought, Ventus?”

“Hmmmmm… no, I like this one.”

Because they could be together again, it didn’t matter what shape “together” took.

 

Unable to speak the truth yet, he said something else entirely as they got ready for bed. He could shape it instead, of course. But those two weren’t around, were tucked away and sleeping peacefully… probably. They weren’t around, so Vanitas was only a little embarrassed to say it with words.

“Ventus, come to bed.”

“Give me a minute, jeez.” It was something he’d picked up from Aqua, Vanitas knew. No matter what, eventually Ventus would fold their shed clothing and set it aside on the shelves. He didn’t do a particularly neat job of it, but that didn’t matter. He could call it cute, a cute habit. Ventus had plenty of things about him that were cute. Still… his heart was a beat-up mess, and there was something he wanted so much that he could barely stand its absence.

“Ventus, will you hurry up?” What a stupid thing to say. That lingering wound was impacting his behavior, and he couldn’t let it. Knowing that, Vanitas forced out something far less blunt. “Sorry. I’m… tired. I want you with me.”

“What, you can’t sleep without me?” Just the same, Ventus was quick to tease. He couldn’t have known it, that it actually was a painful pang in his heart. The way they were acting toward one another wasn’t the way either of them wanted to be.

“I don’t _want_ to sleep without you.”

“… right.” As soon as he climbed beneath the covers, Ventus leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. The relief it brought him was palpable. Squirming a little, Ventus closed his eyes. It had transferred. He was having some difficulty with it, experiencing another person’s emotions so directly. At the very least it was something positive. “Sorry, I felt that. I’m… not used to it yet. Feels kinda weird, like my heart’s jumping in my chest every time something new shows up.”

“I can’t undo it,” Vanitas mumbled, but thankfully Ventus only grinned.

“Yeah, I know. But I don’t really care. This is the way things are. I don’t know if it’s good or bad for either of us and I don’t know if it matters.” That was a way to put it. Plenty of good had come from it, the emotions that Ventus had planted in his heart. Plenty of them, Vanitas cherished. Even though it had caused him his fair share of hardship, knowing so strongly that love beat within Ventus was something he didn’t think he’d ever sacrifice. For better or for worse, it was the way their lives were. “I’m not sure I’d want to give it up, actually. It’s not hard for you anymore, right? So I think once it stops being so new I won’t mind it at all. I’m the one who made it happen, anyway.”

“You’re really not upset about it, huh.” It felt like something he needed to make sure of, really.

“Well, it’s jarring. Sometimes it makes me kinda anxious. And I really… really wish it hadn’t been necessary.” From the look in his eyes, that was something that truly did upset Ventus. It was something weighing heavily on them both, a raw, open wound. How long it would take for that to heal, Vanitas didn’t know. Soon, hopefully, it would be okay again. Before Vanitas could speak, Ventus was continuing. “But I think lots of good stuff can come from it too. Either way, it just is. It’s how things are now, so what we think of it doesn’t really matter. I feel like I understand you a little better now. Not just because of what comes into my heart. Because I finally really get what you go through, now that it’s happening to me too.”

It was an important conversation to have, and Vanitas couldn’t have cared less in that moment. The fact that an emotion had sparked in Ventus from him and started that conversation was nothing but a bother. Surely they could talk about it later. All he wanted in that moment was the now-familiar warmth of the person his heart had chosen, and it being just out of reach was a real pain in the neck. He didn’t want to sleep without it, the reassuring weight of Ventus’s arm draped over him. It was something that couldn’t be replicated, no matter how many Wayfinders he crawled beneath.

His impatient neediness wasn’t anything endearing, but he knew Ventus was going to find it cute anyway.

“Great, glad you gained something from it. But I want to sleep, so will you _just_ ,” he sighed it out, wanting nothing more than for Ventus to lie down already. Like he’d thought, it brought a smile to Ventus’s lips. He was simply waiting for the words, fully expecting them and wanting to hear them. “Come hold me…”

“Riiight, can do.”

Thank goodness.

 

Vanitas was in quite a state. He couldn’t deny that. It wasn’t as if Ventus himself was much different. His heart was a mess as well, jumping with emotions that weren’t his, growing confused by it all. But things would be okay. Time would pass and his heart would settle once more, and the Vanitas he knew and loved would be smiling for him again. Everything would be fine before he knew it.

Maybe he was just telling himself that, but Ven would happily choose faith over despair every time.

 

“Vanitas?”

“Mm?” Vanitas’s lips brushed his neck, a faint tickling sensation that he didn’t mind in the slightest. Perhaps it was the feeling flowing into Ven from what his arms were wound around, a soft blue teddy bear that Vanitas so frequently gave him at night. Perhaps it was just that he couldn’t hate anything Vanitas did gently. Either way, he was filled with a deep satisfaction that spilled from Vanitas whenever they were in each others’ arms.

“I like this being our room, I do. But there’s… you know, we’ve got…” He wasn’t being particularly clear. Though with Vanitas at his back he couldn’t meet his eyes, Ven knew that he’d exasperated him at least a little. His delightful comfort object melted away, exasperating him in turn.

“Use your words, Ventus.”

“Don’t make fun of me!” Pausing for a long moment, Ventus sighed and just said the truth. “I want a door.”

Taking his own long pause, Vanitas eventually broke it and began to laugh. “What, you’re telling me you _don’t_ like those two showing up with no warning or awareness?”

“Well… it depends, you know! I like Roxas and Xion and I’m glad we’re friends, but… you’re right, they don’t have any awareness…”

“I was gonna suck it up,” Vanitas admitted, and the arms around him tightened a little as he snuggled closer. “If you didn’t mind, I figured I’d just learn to deal.”

“Are you kidding me? You could have said something. I was trying to figure out how to say this for ages!” It was a bit of an exaggeration, but he _had_ been considering it for several days. Roxas and Xion were his friends, and Ven was glad to have met them even with the circumstances. But he and Vanitas were a… a… Unable not to, he started to laugh quietly.

“Now what, Ventus?”

“Nothing.” Rolling over in his arms, Ventus reached to pinch Vanitas’s nose shut. It halted him in his tracks, completely stopping him from leaning in. Giggling uncontrollably at the indignant expression he’d netted himself, Ven could only grin. “That’s a good look for you.”

“Very funny,” Vanitas said nasally, before yanking his hand away. For a second he thought Vanitas might cuff him as punishment for taunting, but what he received instead was the warmth of fingers lacing between his own. “What are you thinking about?”

Smiling wider, Ven gave the hand in his a quick squeeze before bringing it to his mouth. He hoped it tickled, the feeling of his lips against the back of Vanitas’s hand. What was he thinking about?

“Us.”

A bare foot pressed against his calf, and Vanitas’s growing smile was soft. “Us, huh.”

“Yeah, us!”

“What about us, Ventus?”

“Oh, you know.”

“Use your words, will you?”

“Don’t tease.”

“Hmm…”

“I was just thinking about how we’re… haha.” Whether Vanitas was feeling it via his heart or not, Ventus didn’t care. Vanitas was feeling it because of his own heart. They felt the same way, towards each other. “We’re…”

Their snickering was quiet, their grins beaming. It was exciting, knowing that what he’d wanted had finally happened. His fingers intertwined with Vanitas’s, they were the proof of that. The warmth of their hearts and the light in their eyes, they were proof.

“We’re what, Ventus?”

He didn’t care about the teasing.

“You tell me, huh?”

“What, don’t have the guts?”

“You’re one to talk!”

“I have plenty of guts.” Despite that, Vanitas was turning such a lovely shade of red. “What do you _want_ me to say?”

Though they laughed, though they teased, their cheeks were flushed and the truth was making them both giddy.

“I like you,” Ven said with pink cheeks and sparkling eyes, and Vanitas kissed him, and that was proof.

“Stupid,” Vanitas whispered. “I love you.”

 

“You just have to let it go,” he whispered, as Ventus laid in his arms and trembled under the weight of two hearts’ pain. Only the most powerful emotions he felt seemed to spark within Ventus, and the harshest of them were throwing his heart into confusion. But Ventus was strong, could carry them as long as he healed and learned how. In that moment, he was barely able to carry his own painful feelings. They shouldn’t have tried to talk about it. Neither of them could bear it yet, and neither of them could help the other carry it. Shunting it out had helped him, but the damage to Ventus was already done. “You’re rejecting. That’s… not wrong of you.”

“Right, I get it,” Ventus said, clearly not getting it in the slightest.

“This was a mistake.” It wasn’t what Ventus wanted to hear. His expression was growing dark, unhappy, and the feeling that faintly reached him was sharp frustration. Ventus wasn’t used to it – being so emotionally volatile. It hadn’t been a constant in his life. He had to stay calm, for Ventus's sake.

“Then _when_ , huh? When are we gonna talk about what happened, Vanitas? When are we gonna-”

“Ventus.” It would be wrong to silence him with his lips, probably. Offering the truth was all Vanitas really had. “I won’t let go of you. Please, trust me on this. We can’t do this yet, we’re too fragile. If you push this all you’ll get is panic and danger.”

“But I… no, you’re right. I, I’m just freaking out and making all of this worse. Sorry, it’s stupid of me. I touch the Unversed all the time, there’s no reason for me to get weird over this.”

“It’s not stupid. This _is_ weird. Experiencing emotions through the Unversed is not the same.” Ventus wasn’t an idiot. He would be able to understand what he was saying as long as he figured out a straightforward way to phrase it. Though Vanitas himself was no longer dwelling, had utilized his own double-edged sword to clear his mind, Ventus couldn’t do that and had already had feelings begin to swirl inside him. “The Unversed are my emotions. These are yours, and your heart is confused because it isn’t grasping why it’s feeling them. Your heart knows they belong to you, but it’s reacting like this because it’s convinced that it isn’t supposed to be having those emotions. That reaction, it’s not wrong. It’s not stupid, the only thing stupid about it is how stupidly normal and understandable it is that you're struggling.”

“How do I make it _stop_ though?” There was more than enough to be upset over. Looking him in the eye, Vanitas could only sigh. Just as much as the emotions that had started it, Ventus was bothered by his own inability to simply roll with it. He didn’t know how to do it yet, of course he didn’t.

“Ventus this is going to take time. There’s no magic word or switch to flip, just acclimation. The more it happens, the more your heart will recognize that it’s not a catastrophe. You’re going to get through this, I know you will. I’m not going to leave you high and dry either. I’ll moderate myself better so the mirroring is less jarring.” They’d laughed like fools over it, an idea that Ventus had come so close to actually speaking aloud. He might as well say it, for both of them. “We’re… a couple now. It’s my job to have your back. No, I want to have your back on this. You think I’m just gonna let the person I love make a big mess of himself?”

“Oh, thanks a lot!” Heaving his own sigh, Ventus puffed his cheeks out in a pout. “… Thank you, though. Man… but I guess I don’t have any room to get mad about it. I love you too. And, well, I’m counting on you then.”

“Right, leave it to me. I’ll be sure to make my own big mess for you, how’s that sound?”

“Just what we need, huh? Alright, I’m fine now. Hey, just… don’t baby me on this, okay? I’m not a little kid who needs his hand held.”

“Sure thing. I know you’ll be rolling with the punches before you know it. Don’t get me wrong though. It won’t have anything to do with this, but I’m still gonna hold your hand.”

“I bet you think that was cool. Guess again, it was actually really lame.”

Pursing his lips, Vanitas reached out and pinched.

 

Getting back to building was a strange relief. Perhaps it simply told him that he’d healed, even in such a minuscule way. The routine he had fallen into had needed a little adjusting, with two new hearts to structure it around. Finally, he had his supplies and he had the drive to work again. A door, and…

Xion took up less space than him, of course. But that didn’t make that bed any bigger. That pair was very, very different from himself and Ventus. There was no reason for them to share a bed, so he’d do something about it. Clicking his tongue, Vanitas found himself frowning. Another bed, and then what? The door for their room was a lapsed priority, of course. There was no way he’d disappoint Ventus with something bulky and ugly. What else would Xion and Roxas need? And what would he make for dinner? Sooner or later, probably sooner, he would have to create some kind of meal plan. Eating the same thing every day was no good, there was no way he’d allow that. Something balanced that wouldn’t put too much strain on their “pantry”, but without defaulting to bland meals…

“What, you’ve done so much already!” Ventus didn’t have much business being so surprised, Vanitas wanted to say. That wouldn’t make it the truth. He was just as surprised with himself, after spending so much time wanting to do nothing at all. “Vanitas, make one.”

“Make _what?_ ” Frustratingly vague, the person his heart had chosen.

“You’re dwelling on something, I can tell.” An Unversed. Or a Versed, or Ventus would come up with a name on the spot to make him tear his hair out. Still, he wasn’t wrong in that he had something to shape. Pursing his lips, Vanitas drew it from his heart… and Ventus burst into startled laughter, and both of them simply stared in total confusion at what had taken shape on the dock beside him.

Opening his mouth to defend his own creation, Vanitas didn’t have a single word.

“What… what in the world were you thinking about?”

“Don’t you laugh at it, you know I don’t pick what they look like!” Still, Ventus was already darting forward to scoop up his bristling creation. That only served to make him laugh harder, its source emotion spilling over into him to enlighten him. He didn’t let go of it even as he sat, and the expression on his face made Vanitas strongly question if his affections had been misplaced. “Don’t tell them about this!”

“Tell them about what, Vanitas?” He had to shove it out, the glee that Ventus had sparked in his heart. It didn’t seem unlikely that Ventus was not going to let up on it, not until he’d milked every drop of amusement out. All Vanitas could hope to do was dissuade him as best he could.

“Ventus, I am asking you a favor. Do not. If you love me, do not tell them.”

“Hmmm… Well, okay.” He’d known that Ventus would agree, but it was still such an impossible relief. Having Ventus see and feel it was embarrassing, but showing the other two would be humiliating.

“Thank you, now-”

“You’re fussing _,_ huh? Over Roxas and Xion? Man, this thing’s pretty cute.” Ventus paused for a moment, and it was a moment in which Vanitas knew that he was about to be relentlessly teased. “Maybe the right word isn’t fussing. Maybe it’s _brooding_.”

With what was undeniably a cluck, the gaudily-colored hen that Ventus had snatched up punctuated his sentence by… when Ventus lifted it up again in confusion, it was to reveal that his wayward emotion had laid a likewise gaudy egg in his lap. For a painfully long moment, Ventus kept his gaze locked on that before settling its source back down on top of it. The grin that had already been on his face widened, and for once he could not love that smile.

“Hey, is this gonna hatch?”

Saying absolutely nothing, Vanitas got to his feet and leapt into the ocean.

The only saving grace was that Ventus held true and never mentioned it.

 

“Hey, Vanitas?” Lying in bed with him with their legs intertwined, Ventus reached out to walk his fingers down Vanitas’s arm. The sun was rising, the first glimmers of dawn peeking into their room, and Vanitas was uncharacteristically awake to see it. Maybe they should have gone to wake Roxas and Xion, but… “I was thinking, about back then.”

“Vague,” Vanitas informed him, but his lips were quirked up into a smile. That wasn’t wrong – he had been vague. “Back then” could have meant anything.

“Back when we were… back in Daybreak Town, I mean.” Rather than watching his journeying fingers, now Vanitas’s eyes locked on his own. “I still don’t remember, sorry.”

“I didn’t really expect anything.” Ven hadn’t expected any different either. If something triggered them, surely those memories would return. If something simply jogged their memories… but Ventus didn’t know what that something would be. “So, what were you thinking about?”

“Ephemer.”

“Hm.”

“Just, when you first said his name I felt… so happy, and light. This might sound stupid but… wasn’t he our first…”

“Oh, definitely. It was totally hopeless, but I… well, we, were pretty naive. I’ll be real, I don’t recall much about the details. But he was cool and strong and kind, and, ugh, why do I remember that he was tall like that’s somehow on the same level of importance, and he was… well, the fact that he was older was the biggest thing making it hopeless.” That didn’t much surprise him, really. It probably wasn’t that weird, even if it was a little unfortunate. A cool older boy, it felt almost embarrassingly commonplace. If he’d been eleven when Vanitas had been made, back then he had probably been even younger. “Ephemer was what, fifteen? Sixteen? We were way too young for him. Just a kid with a precocious first crush, guess our hearts still remember that much.”

“Well… guess that makes sense.” After a long pause, Ven found himself grinning again. The feelings they’d once shared were different from the ones that existed in that moment, of course. “So we had a crush on the same boy, huh.”

Vanitas said nothing for a lengthy moment, before a strangled laugh began to emerge from him. “You know, you’ve said a lot of funny things to me over the years but this is way, way up there.”

“Is it?” The facade was a poor one, because he couldn’t keep his voice from betraying how close he was to laughter as well. “Why, what’s funny about it?”

“Don’t be smart with me.” Even so, Vanitas was smiling.

“Aw, but it’s fun to tease. I like to take what I can, you know.” He’d like to see Ephemer again someday. Whatever feelings had lived within him so long ago, they wouldn’t change anything. Meeting Ephemer once more wouldn’t make him love Vanitas any less, and he knew that it was the same for Vanitas as well. Vanitas, who was aiming a wry smile at him.

“I can think of a few things that are more fun.”

“Really. So… show me.”

 

Roxas was acting strangely. No, rather than strange, it was simply… familiar. Familiar, because Ventus wasn’t so ignorant or naive to not recognize a boy who’d begun to act exactly the way he had a long time ago. Before, he’d thought that something like what was happening would be impossible. Before, Ven had thought that the feelings Roxas held in his heart for Naminé were a gentle first love that he’d hoped would bear fruit.

Now, Roxas looked at someone else.

It was a cold weight in his stomach. That feeling, for Roxas, was doomed. Knowing that, knowing that what was starting to live inside him would never be answered, that was surely it.

That was certainly the reason why Roxas’s flushed cheeks and the way his eyes followed someone who would never be his… that was the reason why it made foul emotions build in Ven’s own heart.

That was surely the reason why he hated it, the way Roxas looked at Vanitas.

 

“Naminé was trying to put his memories back in place.” Someone who Roxas and Xion cared about, and she was… remembering that time, Vanitas filed the memories away for later. If something like that was happening… Xion hadn’t said it, but he’d known.

He’d have to try a lot harder then, if there was another lost kid all on her own.

Once Ventus slept, he’d have time.

_“Can you hear me? My name is-”_

 

There was so little where she lived. Perhaps that was to be expected. Perhaps that was simply how it had to be. She didn’t know if she missed it or not, a room with white walls and white floors that she had filled with her sketches. A table that she had sat at and faced so many precious people from across. Here, she had an endless library of memories. Anything within them, she had the power to gaze upon. Well, wasn’t that right?

She was a witch, after all.

Roxas wouldn’t be lonely, Naminé thought. Within Sora’s heart, there was someone else. Piecing back together what she had torn apart, she had found him – someone tucked away out of sight and out of reach. That heart was linked. But she hadn’t been able to do anything to lift it back out. She hadn’t been able to see the shape of that injured heart. Her voice hadn’t reached. Knowing who he was now because of that other heart, her calls had never been answered.

And that other heart… the heart that had been hidden away within Roxas himself, it had returned to Sora with him. A heart that belonged to a boy who looked just like him, a heart full to the brim with hurt. A heart that had let her connect to someone else, to send him to find someone who needed him. A woman who wandered a dark path alone. She’d managed that much, at least for them.

To… reunite friends.

Whoever they truly were, those two hearts within Sora, Naminé thought that Roxas had to have found them. And maybe… maybe, but that was too hopeful. The memories that had returned to Sora, could _she_ be found anywhere among them? The one who had held on to them and come to bring them back home?

Roxas wouldn’t be lonely. If that was true, maybe it would be okay. No matter how much she wanted to see them, all of them, if the others could smile together then maybe it was fine.

Maybe it was fine that she was alone again.

No, it wasn’t.

 

Vanitas wasn’t being honest with him, was fixating on something that he was hiding away. Every few nights, he woke alone. Roxas and Xion slept peacefully in their cave, and Vanitas disappeared completely. And he said nothing of it, no explanation for why he was sneaking away. Knowing that Vanitas had to have what he thought was a good reason, Ven nonetheless could only find himself hurt by it. Lying on his side in the arms of the person he’d missed so desperately, he didn’t say anything. What could he say? It wasn’t as if he was being honest either. Vanitas was asleep, cuddled close, and it only made it harder to face what he’d hidden.

Had Vanitas really not noticed it? Roxas was about as subtle as a brick, and the only thing keeping things calm was that he had no understanding of his own burgeoning affections. Of course, Vanitas had known Ven’s own feelings. They’d crossed over via the line between their hearts, a chain that was filled now with light and warmth rather than cold anger and despair. That was why Vanitas, someone who found it so hard to love himself, had known that he’d stood before him and had his heart cry out love. Vanitas had no such insight into anyone else. Without that link, Roxas couldn’t…

The realization was enough to make him feel sick. The only consolation to be had was that Vanitas didn’t stir, was sleeping like a log. The sentence in his mind that he’d begun, Ventus knew its end.

Without that link, Roxas couldn’t get in the way.

He wished the teeth he dug into his lip would hurt. Having thought something so terrible…

Roxas was his _friend_. Roxas was important to him. He didn’t understand his own feelings, and Ven knew it. With so little experience in those emotions, even the concept of it was foreign to him. And he was aware of his own behavior. It was clear in his eyes, his confusion and hesitation growing each day and edging into fear. Roxas didn’t understand, but he knew something was “wrong” with him. Knowing he was floundering, that he didn’t know what was going on and was totally lost, Ven hadn’t said anything at all.

Why wasn’t he reaching out to explain? Finally Ventus knew, and it had been such a long time since he’d felt so… ugly. In the heart that was bound to his, he’d felt the overwhelming strength of Vanitas’s feelings. Ven knew that. What did he have to be afraid of? What was wrong with him that he’d even had that thought? Turning over in Vanitas’s arms to face him, he almost wished that he would wake. But if he did, what could he possibly say? “I’m jealous”? The fact that something in his heart was whispering “Don’t let him get any closer” was so disgusting. Roxas was Vanitas’s friend too. Roxas was _his_ friend. It was foul, repulsive.

Asleep as he was, it seemed that Vanitas could still sense his unease. It formed between them, the proof of what they both felt, and though it was such a relief to feel that love pouring into him it wasn’t enough to keep a foul thought at bay. Closing his eyes, Ventus returned that embrace and wished he could sleep. Taking hold of another two links in their chain, he didn’t know what to do in the slightest.

What kind of a person was he, that he could look at his friend and see a _threat?_

 

Sora’s friend had been wearing his suit. Of course it wasn’t over. He’d been naive. He’d just been so naive. He had wanted to believe, had held it in his heart. Wanting it to be true, what Ventus believed to be. Wanting Terra and Aqua to have won.

Begging for it in his heart, Vanitas had desperately, fervently prayed that Ventus’s beloved family still drew breath.

Xemnas… probably, was not truly named Xemnas. Probably, the reality was that his master- no, _not_ his master. Either way, it seemed that Xehanort had chosen an alias. Hating it, Vanitas still only felt it was the truth. That deeply unsettling feeling that had come from it, the words that Roxas and Xion had spoken of their past, were they unfounded? His lingering paranoia, the scars on his heart… were his suspicions simply a delusion stemming from that?

Thirteen.

What was it about the number thirteen?

Vanitas wasn’t sure it mattered in the end. Within that heart, they could do nothing. The people who lived within his home and beyond, they were…

The vast ocean that stretched all the way to the horizon, how far out could he go across it? How far would he need to go, to find a way to the world outside? How could he bring them all home? He couldn’t give up on it. There had to be a way. The alternative was too cruel. Was the world that cruel?

How could he protect them?

 

“They talked to you about her, didn’t they?” Ventus didn’t have the slightest idea what Vanitas meant by that, having sprung it on him with no warning as they sorted through food. Considering the question that he didn’t understand for a moment, he decided that “they” were probably Roxas and Xion. Still… who was “she”?

“Who do you mean?”

“They mentioned another girl back then, Roxas and Xion. You didn’t ask who Naminé was, so you already know. Enlighten me, will you?” It wasn’t wrong. He did know who she was, at least a little. But Vanitas hadn’t been listening to that, had been off with Xion as Roxas had talked at length about his life. Naminé, a girl who… “She had something to do with Sora’s memories, didn’t she?”

“Okay, that I don’t really know.” Based on what Roxas and Xion had said, that seemed to be right. “She’s someone that’s important to them. At least, I know she’s important to Roxas. He’s talked to us about a lot of people, but this felt pretty different to me. Not like how he talked about Axel, or Sora and his friends. I think he likes her, actually.”

Vanitas seemed to radiate it in response to those words, a strange quietness.

Unwilling to mention that Naminé certainly wasn’t the only one that Roxas held burgeoning feelings for, Ven continued to speak instead. “Either way… I don’t really get it, but from what Roxas said to me she definitely had something to do with it all. What I basically figured out is that Sora’s memories left his heart somehow, and Naminé is the one who put them all back into place. She had to take them back from Roxas and Xion, and that’s why they came here.”

“Able to touch and affect the memories of a heart… even if she used it to repair Sora’s memories, that’s a dangerous power to have.”

“… yeah, it is.” How and why did Naminé have a power like that?

“What else?” It seemed she had sparked something inside of Vanitas, that girl. Not wanting to grind his teeth over it, Ven shoved it away. Not wanting to be jealous of someone he’d never met, of someone who Vanitas had never met, Ventus wished he could pummel that feeling into submission and banish it forever. He couldn’t let it affect him. He couldn’t let something so stupid change things. Just as much as it ashamed him, it exasperated him that such idiotic feelings had sprouted inside him.

Of course Vanitas was curious. It was only natural for him to wonder. Roxas and Xion had spoken of Axel at length, but that was only Axel. To Vanitas, Naminé remained a mystery.

Having made Vanitas wait for long enough for an answer to his question, Ventus actually turned his attention to the topic at hand. They’d had a long conversation about her, so if he sorted through it all he’d have plenty to pass on. What else had Roxas told him?

“Roxas told me that he felt like he’d always known her. Ah, maybe Sora met her before he went to sleep. If they knew each other, that might be why Roxas felt like he knew her. And because Sora’s memories of Kairi were inside of him. Oh, uh… Naminé is Kairi’s Nobody, so I guess you could say Roxas knew her from the start.”

Finally, an uncomfortable thought surfaced in his mind.

Kairi had created a Nobody. Didn’t that mean she had also… Setting that unsettling question aside, Ven reached into a crate and began pulling out carrots for dinner. He didn’t want to think about it.

He didn’t want to think about it, the way a Nobody was born.

He didn’t want to think about it, the day Roxas had been born.

“That wasn’t everything, but I need a minute to remember.” What had Roxas told him? Naminé was… “He said she was special, and I don’t think he said it _because_ he likes her. A special kind of Nobody, but not a Replica like Xion.”

“And he didn’t elaborate on what in the world that’s supposed to mean, of course.” If only. That would have made things a lot easier to grasp, so of course it hadn’t been the case. Still, Ventus was confident that Roxas hadn’t been trying to be vague or withhold information.

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know either. He just felt like she wasn’t like the other Nobodies he knew, I guess. No, wait, what did he tell me? “It felt like we were born together” or something, I don’t remember exactly how he phrased it. Maybe that’s another reason he said it was like he’d always known her.”

The memories that Roxas had carried had been what Xion had once carried. Memories of Kairi. And Roxas had said he’d dreamed about it, why he had been born. Had those memories gone to him together? Had they been the same thing?

Sora and Kairi, was that possible? At the same time, in the same place, had they both become…

And Riku had worn it, a suit so much like what Vanitas had once worn.

Ventus didn’t want to believe that all of it might have been for the same reasons.

 _“I’m not afraid of the darkness,”_ and two beloved friends who had had Nobodies born from their hearts.

He didn’t want to believe it, that those things could be connected. He didn’t want to believe that someone that Sora loved had been responsible for it. He didn’t want to believe it, that something so tragic could have happened to them all. A boy who had fallen to the sway of darkness… and taken his friends with him. Hating even the thought, he wanted to reject it while understanding something simple.

If Riku had gone somewhere far away, Ven knew in his heart that Sora would have chased him to the ends of the earth to bring him home.

He wondered it, if on that day Riku’s heart had been crying.

Ven was so glad that Vanitas began to speak once more.

“Hm. Can’t imagine he’s got much more than that, then.” Vanitas was considering it quite seriously, his brow furrowed as he stared down at what remained in the crate. “Figures that it’d be that way. It’s still his own now. He’s lucky it’s Naminé he ended up having a stronger connection to. Can’t imagine Sora would have liked it if it was Kairi.”

Behind that crate, there was a drawing hidden away that they both knew the shape of.

“You think they like each other, then.” It wasn’t a question. Vanitas hesitated at the words, his lips parted but no sound emerging. He was thinking about it, turning the idea over in his mind.

“I don’t know about “each other”,” Vanitas said finally, and that was something Ven couldn’t fault him for. As if they weren’t drawing out the process of gathering up food for their next meal already, Vanitas shoved the crate out of the way. It was simply to uncover that scratched-up rock, two smiling faces whose names they now knew. “Either way, it’d expl… hey, hold up.”

“Huh?” Even as he asked it, Ventus realized what Vanitas was reacting to. The drawing he’d revealed once more, it wasn’t the same as it had been before. Crouching beside it the way he had so long ago, Vanitas brushed his fingers across the rock. It was different, because something had been added to it. “When did _that_ happen?”

“Beats me. Don’t have a clue what it means either.” They were stars, that much was obvious. Sliding his hand into his pocket, Ven drew his Wayfinder out to stare down at. Vanitas wouldn’t make fun of him for it, he knew that. Still, holding it up to the drawing as if to match it to the smaller star… it did make him feel a little silly, even as he did it. “… you think that’s coincidence?”

“Maybe,” Ventus said quietly, as memories seemed to blossom within his heart. She’d made them based on something, hadn’t she? Finally, he remembered it. “No, it’s not. Aqua made them because she’d heard about a good-luck charm from… from here. It’s from _here_ , Sora’s world. Those fruit… the ones on that tree. People on Sora’s world carry good-luck charms shaped like them. Sailors. So that if they get lost, they’ll find their way back home. That’s what our Wayfinders are. Aqua made them so that if we got lost, we’d find each other again no matter what.”

“A local legend that touched her heart, so she followed it.” Vanitas looked at him in that moment, and his eyes were soft. “Seems like her, doesn’t it…”

“It really does.” He said it with a smile, because it was the truth. It was just like Aqua to fall in love with that perhaps-silly idea. But she’d believed, and the weight of that belief rested comfortably in his hand. Because Aqua believed, Ven believed just the same. “A world out there with star-shaped fruit. And they carry charms shaped like them, because they say those fruit represent…”

Looking back to the mouth of the cave, looking back toward the tree, Ven held that charm tightly in his hand and smiled. He’d tell Aqua he’d found it, one day. Because he carried a charm in its shape, he’d wind up by their sides again. And because he’d shared it, when he went it wouldn’t be alone.

He’d found it, after all, with all of them.

Holding it up to the light, Ventus knew that the magic worked into his Wayfinder was real.

With Terra and Aqua, with Vanitas, he’d found…

“An unbreakable connection, huh?”


	94. Chapter 94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, today is my birthday and also bonus chapter day. This is the penultimate chapter of the story! Friday will be the definitive end. It's been a long ride, so I hope you guys enjoy these little mini-chapters.

Roxas was gawking, and it burned in Ven’s chest and it clawed at his heart. It was obvious. His eyes were locked onto Vanitas as he undressed to prevent his clothing from being soaked, staring so blatantly at bare skin and toned muscle. Of course Vanitas was making a show of it, but it had been for _him_. That show wasn’t for anyone else. Even though it had been for him, for Ventus alone, Roxas was… was this what Vanitas had felt? Was this why Vanitas had tried to keep them from coming near? The weight of a chain in his pocket was the only thing that grounded Ven in those moments.

The jealousy that rose up like bile every time Roxas looked at Vanitas, would it ever go away?

Roxas was gawking, and every second that passed seemed to make him a worse person.

 

“Hey, Vanitas?” Ventus had been quietly watching him building until that moment, and Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him to encourage him to continue. “Did… you haven’t lost any, have you?”

“It’s my favorite thing in the world when you’re vague,” Vanitas informed him sarcastically. If not for the delicate work before him, he thought Ventus would have tried to smack him. “Lost any what, pray tell?”

“Memories.” At that single word, Vanitas slowly set the half-matched planks of wood down on the dock. His memories, and Ventus was asking that in the context of the recent instance that could have traumatized their hearts into amnesia. _Had_ they lost anything from it?

Of course, it was something that he couldn’t say with certainty. Grasping that a memory was missing without having something to spark that realization was a fool’s game. Even so, it seemed that…

“Nope. Seems they stuck around this time. And you?”

“I don’t think I forgot anything, that’s why I asked. Vanitas, I thought it was you being born that made us forget. Is… did we just get lucky?”

“Beats me.” Despite his flippant tone, the other unspoken question was a mildly alarming one. If it hadn’t been a result of their violent fracturing, what had caused their memories to vanish? His fears of having what he’d finally recalled taken away… it seemed they had been completely justified.

Had something else ripped those memories from their hearts?

“Right… I don’t know why, but I just get the feeling that it was something else entirely. I just don’t know what that could have been.” Sometimes, he really didn’t give Ventus enough credit. Bringing a hand to his mouth to consider it, Vanitas had no answer to offer. Something else, and no idea what that something was. Their ma- their former master, or… “The way we got here, in… in the present I guess, I don’t understand it. Vanitas, I’m not even sure we had our memories before you were made.”

That idea was hard to stomach. If it was the truth, the hatred he’d carried for Ventus had been even pettier and even more useless than he’d thought. What Ventus was suggesting was that their memories had vanished from them when they were still a single “them”. The rage he’d felt over Ventus not carrying them had always been pointless, of course. It had never been his decision to lose them, and he’d never been to blame for their disappearance. The absence of those memories in both of their hearts had never been Ventus’s fault. Their precious memories of friends who gave them strength…

Loathe as he was to admit it, Vanitas nonetheless wondered if they’d have ever become Xehanort’s apprentice if all of them had remained in their heart.

“You… could be right about that.”

Neither of them were quite ready to dig deeper into it. He could see it in Ventus’s eyes, and knew Ventus could see it in his own. There were so many things they weren’t ready for.

“Well,” Ventus said eventually, leaning against him, “Guess it isn’t really important right now.”

Maybe that was fine, for the time being.

 

Roxas and Xion were his friends, of course. They were doing their best. They didn’t have the slightest idea, because they were naive. It was just as much his own fault for not saying or explaining anything. Knowing that, Ventus couldn’t help wanting to toss them in the ocean for showing up so often when he was trying to be alone with Vanitas.

Even if Vanitas came up with something stupid, bulky, and ugly, Ven didn’t care as long as it was a door.

Maybe if they had that, Vanitas would stay with him through the whole night.

 

“I was lonely,” Ven whispered, and it was surely something Vanitas had already known. After so long, he couldn’t keep from saying it. If he told the truth, Vanitas would. It hurt, and he had to say it. “There was nothing there. I wasn’t in Roxas’s heart. All I had was…”

Stained glass, and vague visions of a world outside.

Vanitas kissed him, as if trying to make all that lingering pain go away. If only things could be so simple. They never were. They never would be.

 

He’d hurt Ventus so terribly with the truth. They were trapped within it, and his feelings that leaked into Ventus only made it harder for him. Ventus didn’t have years of it, experiencing another person’s emotions. He still wasn’t prepared. As his breathing grew more and more uneven, as his heart pounded faster and faster, Ventus was beginning to break down. Their clumsy, stuttered words, their feelings that spiraled together and built each other higher and higher, Vanitas didn’t know how to break the cycle that was inflicting such pain upon Ventus.

The Unversed didn’t come.

Hot panic filled him, fire in his veins.

He couldn’t calm.

They didn’t form.

He couldn’t shape them.

He couldn’t keep his unchecked energy from starting to tear the room apart.

He couldn’t stop it.

He couldn’t help Ventus.

“I, c-can’t _I_ can’t breathe, Vanitas ki-”

That, he could do.

Though his emotions burst, though he would soon suffer for it, he kissed Ventus in the darkness and was for a moment at peace.

 

He was the one who had done it. He was to blame. Ventus wept and it was his fault. The memories of that time, of the terrified expression Ventus had turned to him as their tranquil existence was ripped to pieces around them, cut coldly into his heart. He had betrayed Ventus, hurt him, forced him away in the moment when he had been most vulnerable. Ventus had needed him, and he… he deserved it, the pain of the thorns that dug into his throat and cut off his air. He deserved it.

He was the one who had parted their hands.

 

Having expected it from Ventus, Vanitas nonetheless found such a profound disbelief and such small sparks of happiness within him at the sight. It wasn’t just Ventus. Roxas and Xion had leapt to their feet in that moment, both of them reaching out with no hesitation.

He couldn’t let his uncontrolled emotions bring harm to them. Something like that was unacceptable. There was no way he’d allow it.

Not when they were all trying to save him from himself.

 

Even though Vanitas hadn’t woken yet, even though something so painful had happened, Ven was relieved. Knowing full well why he was, he slid a hand into his pocket to fiddle with what he held onto. He kept most of them in a little box that had once been filled with chocolates, the golden links that formed within a beloved emotion. Keeping one in his pocket as a reminder of their feelings, it really had helped him get through it. He kept so many things within his pockets, a heaviness that grounded him.

Roxas’s crush had quietly died, and the fact that it was such a relief was so ugly. Ventus had known it was the case immediately, watching Roxas look at Vanitas as he slept and not finding what he’d grown to hate seeing in his eyes. Had anyone noticed it? The disgusting truth that had been born inside him, facing a boy who was his friend and having acid climb in his throat. And now Xion. Because he understood Vanitas, he understood what Roxas and Xion didn’t. Ventus understood it, that in his own clumsy way Vanitas was growing to dote on them.

If he looked at Vanitas, who was truly happy to have them in his life, and felt something so horrible… did Ven really have the right to say he loved him? If such a thing was lurking in his heart, the baseless jealousy that came because he wasn’t the only one in Vanitas’s heart…

Did a person like him really have the right to be with Vanitas?

 

Ventus wasn’t sleeping peacefully. Knowing that, Vanitas ran the back of his hand down his cheek. Unlike Ventus, he was just so bad at soothing a person’s worries. No, his talent was worsening them. And yet, Ventus…

With only the touch of his hand, all of those heavy lines creasing his face had smoothed out completely.

“Hey, now that’s not fair…” Whispering it as quietly as he could, Vanitas chose to be honest. The sound of Ventus’s deep, even breaths, the softness of his features, just that was enough to fill his heart near to bursting. They didn’t say it, not in front of Roxas and Xion. It was fine, though. The simple truth was something he could say it in a way that didn’t need words. In that moment, Vanitas spoke them anyway. “Ah, I love you. I will never love anyone else the way I love you.”

A hand found his, and though Ventus blinked owlishly at him and couldn’t truly see him in the darkness the dopey smile on his face was indescribably precious. His lips brushed against his knuckles, soft and warm. “Jeez… maybe that’s something I could get used to waking up to.”

“Nice try. You’re lucky I woke up first, I won’t make it a habit.”

“Not even for me?” Ruffled and drowsy like that, Ventus wasn’t much good at teasing. Instead, it only served to make him that much cuter. Far more than Ventus, he was the lucky one. Having Ventus in his life, having the love in his heart answered, he was perhaps the luckiest person in the world.

“Not unless you plan on sleeping late every day as well.”

“So if I slept in, you’d wake me up like that?”

“I’ll say it as many times as you want… unless you’re a pest about it.”

“Say something like that and you’re just going to make me love you more.”

The precious person who had brought light back into his heart smiled, and in that moment nothing else mattered.

 

Once more, Vanitas had left their bed.

 

There was nothing… nothing. No matter how many times he combed the beach, no matter how many times he called a helmet back to his face and dove beneath the waves, no matter how many times he searched, there was simply nothing. Not the faintest hint of it, a door out. After years, Vanitas knew that much.

With sand wedged beneath his fingernails, with Unversed spilling from his body, he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. What did she look like? A girl who’d been brought into the world in the same way he had, the same way Roxas had been. A being cracked in two, now locked away within the heart she’d been born from.

Roxas and Xion were little more than children in so many ways. Was Naminé any different? If she was, did it matter? Did it matter if she understood the world or not? Did it matter if she grasped the shape of her own feelings?

If she called out once more, would her voice be heard by anyone?

His memories of that time still burned within him. The time when no one had loved him, when he’d barely understood what it was that he’d been denied. The warmth of another person. Locked away as if in a cage, he had been in a place where no one else could reach him. And, the memories of an empty beach to match his heart that had become hollow once more. A memory of a voice he hadn’t known, a voice he could have answered but didn’t. Knowing the truth of it, Vanitas dug his fingers into that wet sand and understood that he could do nothing.

Locked away as if in a cage, there was a girl who was all alone.

All he could do was stare down at his hands, because they were where his own worthless tears wet the sand.

He could have _answered_ her.

“Vanitas.” If nothing else, he had Ventus’s arms around him. He’d been granted that much. A heart that touched his, hands that cupped his cheeks as he bit down, lips that brushed his forehead. An overflowing warmth. “What’s wrong, what happened?”

Could he admit it to Ventus, bring that to light and burden him with it? Even so, he’d asked it. Unwilling to lie, Vanitas desperately considered whether or not to say, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Her face swam to the front of his mind, the person who he’d once wanted to hold him and fix everything. The person who had a strength that he still lacked – a love driving her that was powerful enough to make things right. The person he had was Ventus, who missed Aqua far more than he ever could. Returning that embrace, he buried his face in his shoulder, breathed deep, and felt the words spilling out without being able to choke them back.

“I can’t figure out how to get out of here. I can’t get out, I can’t bring you out, I can’t bring them out either. No matter how many times I try it’s useless! It’s useless, _I’m_ useless, but my heart won’t let me stop trying. Ever since Xion told me, I couldn’t…” Ventus’s heart that was so close to his, he could feel its aching. It was aching for him, because he wept, because he couldn’t stop himself from breaking down into sobs in the darkness of night. The heart they lived within, because the light of others lived within it, was a place of happiness even with the pain of a day long past. Once no one else had been there, it had been little more than a gilded prison. A warm hand stroked his hair down and Vanitas knew that he would ask, and knew that when he did he would answer.

“Will… Vanitas, will you tell me what Xion said to you that’s making you do this?”

“That girl, she’s… because she’s like Roxas, she went back. She… Naminé, she went back the way Roxas came here. She went back to Kairi, but she’s…” He had to let it out. If he didn’t he would burst. He’d burst, with Ventus holding him to take the brunt of it. Vanitas couldn’t allow that. His emotions dripped out of him, overflowing just like his words. Because he held on so tightly, he felt it so easily when Ventus jerked in surprise at his creation. That was understandable. It had been Terra who had felled it, back then. Though he’d made it more than once, though it had been born in his heart over and over, only once had it reached a target. Eager to catch him up in its threads, that massive emotion had been too much of a threat to his own existence to remain near.

Back then, the instant that Terra had fallen into the first real trap, the knowledge that it would soon all be over… now, his despair had a different source.

“Vanitas… you’re telling me she’s in there, and… she has no one else.” Like he’d thought, all his admission had done was bring pain to Ventus as well. Foolishly, Vanitas had hoped that he would have an answer, some idea that hadn’t occurred to him. Of course, there was nothing. Because there was nothing to do. Because Ventus understood why he was crying. “No…”

Ventus understood it far too well, the misery of being completely alone.

“Ventus, I can’t do a thing to help her,” he sobbed, and tears that didn’t belong to him rolled down his neck to mingle with his own.

“You’ve become so kind,” Ventus whispered, and for a moment Vanitas wished he hadn’t. If he had remained cruel, he wouldn’t have cared about what happened to a stranger. If he had remained cruel, maybe it would have… no, even the “him” from that time would have mourned. Being alone, losing everything… the pain of that was indescribable, he had no words. But Ventus knew it just the same. Because neither of them could do a thing to change it, he wept. Because their home had a door that couldn’t be opened. Because it was hopeless and they were helpless.

Because there was a little girl locked in a cage, and there was nothing they could do to break her free.

 

It was the way things had to be. It was right, that she had met her original self. It was right, that she had returned. This was where she belonged.

Naminé held her knees, and pressed her face against them, and wept. If only she could see them. If she could see anyone, just that would be a reassurance. It didn’t matter how. It didn’t matter if it was even real. She wanted to see Sora. She wanted to see Riku, to see Kairi. She wanted to see Roxas, and Axel, and she wanted to see a girl she couldn’t remember. She wanted to see him too, a boy who had no name of his own, who had fought to protect her because of the false memories she’d cruelly planted within him.

“Please let me see you again,” her heart wept, and the tears that streamed down her face were witnessed by no one, felt by no one, reached no one. It was empty, hollow. Yet again, Naminé was simply breaking apart. If she could just see them…

The light that bloomed before her was, perhaps, the proof that she had been wrong. Someone was listening, even if she didn’t know she was. Perhaps it was her own heart, granting her a power she’d never held. Naminé didn’t care who it had come from. All that mattered was that it was there.

What was before her now wasn’t a person, but it was something she remembered well. An orb of clear crystal that sat on a white pedestal. If she looked through it, would Naminé be able to see it? The world outside, where they were. The depths of Sora’s heart, where he was. Where maybe…

Of course, it was night there as well. It was night in the world where Sora was, where Kairi was, and so it was night within their beating hearts. It was night, but the heart she gazed into had a light shining. That was the first thing she saw, that light. And two figures were huddled together on a beach in the middle of the night, two figures she did and didn’t recognize. Dressed in clothes that seemed to match, a pair of boys held on to each other and they were familiar. They weren’t the people she knew, and yet…

A boy who looked so much like Sora was held in a tight embrace by a boy who looked so much like Roxas, and as Naminé drew closer it was to see that one of them was… crying. His body jerked in sobs, and though they hurt she could hear them as well. That boy who looked like Sora was crying, and the pair of them were surrounded by creatures she didn’t recognize – not Heartless, not Nobodies, but something whose existence she wasn’t versed in.

Why was he crying? Though he frantically wiped his tears away, they simply continued to fall. As she watched, Naminé knew who he was. While Sora slept, she had seen his heart buried deep within. He’d never answered her, but he’d always been quietly breathing. And she’d seen his face within another heart’s memories and knew him, and Vanitas was…

A name fell from his lips, and her heart swelled and ached and burned all at once.

“Naminé, she went back the way Roxas came here. She went back to Kairi, but she’s…” The massive thing that formed beside them, something that could only be called a monster, had come from him. Before her eyes a mass of some kind of energy had created it, an energy that spilled over from that boy. A boy who Naminé had never truly seen before.

A boy who knew her name.

The reason he was weeping…

“Vanitas… you’re telling me she’s in there, and… she has no one else.” Just like Roxas, he sounded. Only dwelling on that for the faintest moment, Naminé couldn’t tear her eyes away from that scene. What she looked at was Vanitas, a stranger who was sobbing because she was alone. And that other boy, just the same… “No…”

In that pale light, she could see his face when the first tear spilled over. After that, it was so much harder to look down at them. It was so much harder, because her own vision had blurred as it had so many times since she had come to this place. Though their faces swam before her, their crying voices were still just as clear.

Ventus. That was his name. She’d glimpsed his heart as it beat softly, brushed near enough to feel that hurt. Because his heart held some precious bond with Sora’s, she’d seen it and felt it. It was his heart that Naminé had followed, tracing the lines to find them. Because she’d followed the pain that lived within Ventus, she’d found the other two whose absence had wounded him deep inside. Two people he loved who were far away, wandering the darkness. Two people who ached to see him again, whose hearts were hurting.

Terra and Aqua, whose missing piece knelt in the sand and clung tight to another heart filled with hurt.

Two people who she had never met held each other, and she knew the person that they wept for in that moment was her. Who had told them? Who had told them her name? How had he known it? Somewhere on that island, Roxas lived as well. Had it been him? Or had it been…

The girl who should have vanished from the memories of everyone who had ever met her. The girl who had died because of her mistakes. Foolishly she prayed for it, that it had been the girl whose name she couldn’t remember.

No matter who it had been, two boys shared a tight embrace on a beach. And the tears that streamed down their faces…

“Ventus, I can’t do a thing to help her.”

Touching that crystal with a trembling hand, Naminé wished she could speak to him.

She wished she could say, “You already have.”

 

The people she peered down upon sat together on the dock. It wasn’t as simple as she’d thought, finding the people within Sora’s heart. There were structures, and Naminé hadn’t quite figured out how to look within them. Anyone who disappeared within them, the caves and nooks and crannies that littered that island… anyone who did that was out of her sight. It was the first time she’d laid eyes on anyone within Sora’s heart, not since the night before when the crystal had first appeared.

Peeking in, Naminé watched the boys she had never met as they sat on a dock at dusk. Their fingers had twined together as they leaned against one another, both only pretending to care about the beautiful sight of the setting sun. No, the thing they were sharing in that moment was something that couldn’t be seen.

The pair that sat on the dock were looking at each other and nothing else. Just with that, she was certain of it. Even before either of them moved, before the hands that had been empty rose to caress flushed cheeks, before they silently met each other’s gaze, she had known. It was something so obvious, something so simple. Two boys sat on a dock and had eyes only for each other.

Even before she’d had to cover her face with her hands, Naminé had known that they were in love.

 

Ventus kissed him beneath the setting sun, and there was no one more beautiful to be found in all the worlds.

 

“Vanitas, you’re dwelling.”

Vanitas, sitting on the edge of their bed with his elbows on his thighs, stared past his intertwined fingers at the ground. He hadn’t reacted to the light that Ven had crafted, hadn’t said anything at all when he’d woken and sat up. Vanitas hadn’t slept, though his eyes were dark with exhaustion. A cluster of Yellow Mustard was close to him, crackling in the air. Thornbites were scattered all over the floor. Why they existed was obvious. Finally, Vanitas spoke.

“I hurt her.”

“Yeah.” Knowing from just those words that Vanitas had grown to truly love Xion in such a pure way, Ventus felt that ugliness taking hold of his heart again. Absorbed in his own thoughts and his own guilt, Vanitas didn’t notice it. Because he didn’t know what else to do, Ven wound his arms around Vanitas and leaned against him. Xion hadn’t woken yet, having sobbed and sobbed until she’d no longer been able to keep her eyes open. Just like the Vanitas from that time, her emotions were a tangled mess and she had no idea where to go or who to turn to. She was… so much like him. “Vanitas, you know… I’m proud of you.”

“For what? All I did was make things worse. Xion broke down because I was thoughtless.” The words he spoke next, they were such an awful truth to face. “She doesn’t love herself, Ventus. She can’t. She can’t forgive herself for existing. If you hadn’t helped her, she might have… I don’t want this for her, I don’t want her to have to go through this. But all I did was make it harder for her.”

“You were trying to help her,” Ven said as gently as he could, and Vanitas buried his face in his hands. Somewhere along the line, Vanitas had truly grown from someone who hated everything and didn’t want to feel a thing. He’d grown into a person who held on to the pain that came from a love in his heart for others. That was why he had fallen apart on that day, weeping in his arms over a girl he’d never met. Because he’d become someone who sought love even with what came from it, who was willing to carry that hurt with him. “That’s why I’m proud. You’re not wrong. What you did, it didn’t help. But you did it because you wanted to keep her safe. I know you care about Xion, you’re upset over this because she’s important to you. You were trying to keep her from getting hurt, I get that.”

“I’m not like you guys. I don’t know how to help people. I don’t know how to help Xion or Roxas. They need someone like you, like them.” Knowing who Vanitas meant, Ventus had no idea what to say. If Terra and Aqua had been there, surely they would have been able to take Xion’s hands and help her with their warmth and their light. All they had was each other, so they had to be there for one another. “I’m so stupid.”

“What? No you aren’t. Vanitas, knowing how to help someone isn’t something you’re just born with. You have to learn, because everyone’s going through something different and everyone’s different themselves. I messed up a lot along the way, trying to help you. Isn’t that right?” More than once, he’d made it worse. Contemplating his words, Vanitas said nothing. “Hey. Sitting around and hating yourself for it, what’s that going to accomplish? When Xion wakes up, just tell her the truth.”

“… right.” Vanitas wouldn’t be able to sleep in such a state, wouldn’t be able to banish those thoughts. The Unversed filling the room hadn’t been enough to calm his mind. “Ventus, will you…”

“Yeah, what’s up?” One of Vanitas’s hands covered his, their fingers linking together so easily. They simply fit together, because they had become people who loved one another. Waiting on an answer, Ventus merely let his hand rest against Vanitas’s chest and felt the steady beating of his heart.

“I… want to check on her. Will you come with me?” Roxas was fast asleep, of course. He’d retreated to bed, the way Vanitas should have. He and Xion wouldn’t wake, Ven knew. Maybe that was okay.

“’Course I will. Put your shirt on first though, you can’t go out like that.”

“You’re one to talk.”

The waves were quiet, and as they crossed the beach they were just the same.

Without saying anything at all, Vanitas simply leaned over a tiny bed where two hearts slept and reached out with one hand. His touch was gentle, Ven was sure. It wasn’t enough to rouse her. But Vanitas reached out, and his fingers smoothed down her hair, and Ventus knew that they would be able to sleep that night. Even those repulsive feelings vanished in that instant. Seeing that softness and knowing the shape it took, such a quiet happiness bloomed so easily. Far stronger than the foul jealousy that reared its head inside of him, he simply loved Vanitas. Because the expression on Vanitas’s face was nothing like the one that Ven alone saw, because his feelings were so soft and pure, the whispers in his heart that he despised were silenced.

What Vanitas made in that moment gave away exactly how he felt. It had been a long time, Ven thought, since he’d seen them. Because the feelings Vanitas had for him had changed, so too had their shape. The feeling all around them wasn’t what Vanitas felt for him, and so Ventus didn’t care. Seeing it, having it flow into him, knowing the form that it took and how it differed from what was for him, Ven didn’t care in the slightest that it existed. Though maybe it was only for that moment, everything that had been so disgusting inside of him was gone.

Not saying anything, Vanitas simply filled the air with the love in his heart.

Standing there like that, it almost felt like…

“What are you trying to be, her dad?” In the silence that stretched beyond his joking question, Ven almost felt as if he could hear Vanitas’s thoughts. If that was really what was going through his head, he couldn’t say it was wrong. Ven almost felt as if he’d heard those words - “Someone has to be.”

Someone needed to take care of Xion and Roxas, and they were the only ones there. Somewhere out there were two grown-ups who would have known what to do. Somehow, he and Vanitas needed to become people who could figure it out as well.

Even with the heaviness of that silence, eventually it was broken.

“You know, she’s way too much like me. Just makes me the absolute worst person to help her, I think. I can’t even take care of myself or solve my own issues, Ventus. I know you can’t actually believe I could raise a kid. Don’t know where to start. It’s not like we’re adults either. You really think I’m equipped to take that kind of role? Fat chance.”

“Yeah, neither of us is really up to that task. But it doesn’t mean we can’t help at all! You’re sorta like…” Pausing to mull over his words, Ventus grinned. “It’s kinda like you’re turning into her awkward big brother. You care and you’re trying, you’re just super bad at it.”

“Oh, thanks a lot. How can I express my appreciation?”

“If you try your hardest, I think you’ll pull it off. Hey, but about Xion. I think that… Vanitas, the reason she’s going to you is because she trusts you. Maybe Xion doesn’t realize that you went through so much of the same stuff, but it really seems like she relates to you in a way that she doesn’t relate to me.” Unsure of how to say it, he knew that Vanitas wasn’t much different. He saw himself in Xion’s eyes, and that was why he so easily crumbled in his desperation to keep her from repeating his mistakes. The fact that she was more like Vanitas than he was, Ven would have to accept that. It was the truth, so he’d have to get used to it. “Don’t you feel like that’s the reason she keeps turning to you? Part of her gets it, that you were able to keep walking. So Xion’s looking to you to show her what to do.”

“She’s picked poorly, then.” Despite his words, Prize Pods still filled the cave.

Though he’d easily admit that Vanitas had plenty of traits that should never have been emulated… if he was honest about that past, if he showed how and why things had changed, Ventus knew that his hand would help Xion back to her feet. If they simply told her the truth, he knew they’d be able to help her keep walking. All it would take, he thought, was her wanting to do so. The person who could help her choose that, Ven didn’t know.

Maybe the first step was up to her, but there was someone who she was seeking out.

“Have some faith in yourself! When she wakes up, don’t push her away. And don’t hide how you feel! I’m sure she’ll understand if you tell her. Xion loves you, you know?” Vanitas, simply looking at Xion, seemed to finally truly be considering that. Certainly, it was the truth. Though Vanitas hadn’t realized it, Xion certainly loved him just as he loved her. They’d make a good pair of siblings, really. Looking the part wasn’t all of it. Having so much in common, it wasn’t limited to anything about their appearances. Two people who found it so hard to love themselves… maybe it was something beautiful, the fact that they could love people who were so much like them. “I love you too, so quit being so hard on yourself. And for what it’s worth… I think you’d make a good big brother, as long as you’re true to yourself and how you feel.”

“You know… maybe I can handle that one.”

When Vanitas turned to face him it was with a mischievous grin. Before he could react, Ven was being scooped into a tight embrace and could only grab Vanitas by the shoulders to hold on. Even though it was late and the moon had risen in the sky, Vanitas’s arms were around his waist and there was a smile on his lips and the feelings in the air were now a cloud of both purple and pink. Laughing as quietly as he could, Ventus gleefully allowed himself to be carried off across the beach. They tumbled back into the bed they shared together, a snickering pile of tangled limbs, two smiles pressed together.

With Vanitas snuggled up against him and his heart fit to burst with love, the world was so warm.


	95. Chapter 95

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The final-final chapter. It's been a pretty long ride from start to finish - 340,000 words is undeniably the longest story I have ever written, and I don't know that I'll ever write another quite this long. I'm really grateful to everyone who stuck with the story all the way to the end, and through the bonus content as well! Even though they're more free-form vignettes and kind of a mini-arc rather than a cohesive narrative, I hope you enjoyed them.

Roxas smiled at her, an awkward, nervous smile. She didn’t care about that. Any smile, on his face, would be beautiful. The crystal that she looked through, it couldn’t make their eyes meet. This, though. This was real. Though she couldn’t hear his voice and he couldn’t hear hers, Roxas was looking at her.

Though Sora spoke and Riku spoke and Kairi spoke and she heard their words, who Naminé gave her attention to was him instead. It was something that could only be seen, the words he mouthed to her, his lips that she could clumsily read. If she’d heard his voice instead, that would have been wonderful.

Even without it…

“She’s here with me,” Roxas said, and he remembered. He remembered her, because she was there. Naminé remembered, and covered her mouth with her hands, and felt her eyes fill even as Roxas smiled that same smile. It was nervous, because he hadn’t been sure. He hadn’t been sure, whether or not the memories of that girl existed anywhere else. Now, Naminé knew he had seen it in her eyes. Now, the grin spreading across his face was one of unbridled happiness. “She’s okay. Xion’s just fine.”

Xion! The name she had forgotten, Roxas had given it back to her. It streamed back like her tears down her cheeks, a flood of memories that had been locked behind a dam. Even she, a witch who touched the memories in hearts, had found her own so incomplete until that moment.

“Thank you,” she whispered. The three who had sat on a clock tower, she could finally remember all of their names. The boy whose heart shone so brightly before her. The man who had given her the chance to tell Sora the truth. The girl who had come to meet her with such courage even in her sorrow. Roxas and Axel… and Xion. Hoping that her words would silently reach him, Naminé simply admitted the truth.

Though her tears overflowed, she admitted it with a smile.

“I don’t want this to be the end. I want to see you again, all of you. If we’re all able to meet again… you, and Axel, and Xion… and, and me. Everyone… If that can happen, would it be okay? Can we be friends?”

No sound left Roxas’s lips, and yet she heard his voice with perfect clarity.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Then… next time, let’s all be friends.”

Roxas looked at her, and his beaming smile told her that the same feelings lived in his heart.

 

She pressed steady hands to a crystal, and spoke with her heart. It wasn’t much to ask for, Naminé thought. It was a simple desire. Just one thing. Because she remembered a name, she could make a wish.

What she saw was a cave filled with clutter. The cave nestled in the cove, far fuller than it had been in any of the memories she’d touched. And though the sun shone, the bed in that cave had someone within it fast asleep. Voices filtered in from somewhere outside, two voices that were almost exactly the same.

It was so nice, to hear Roxas’s words again.

Within that cave, tucked quietly in bed, Xion slept peacefully and wasn’t alone.

Though he was nervous, though he glanced back to the beach where the others shouted to one another – something that Naminé would peer down at soon enough – the boy who stood next to her was there for a reason. Hesitance was written on his face, and yet it didn’t keep him from acting. An anxious hand reached out to brush a lock of hair from Xion’s forehead, and what rose from his body took shape from orbs of light. A smiling face, and then another, and another. A sea of them, bobbing and spinning and darting around them both. Creatures that, unlike the others she had seen, were nothing like monsters. A little goofy-looking, maybe Naminé could call them that. But a swarm of strange, goofy purple pots filled the air and every one of them smiled, and so did Vanitas.

And though she slept, so did Xion.

“It’s so nice to see you again,” Naminé whispered, and her fingers rested on that shimmering image, and though what she touched was nothing but cool crystal… somehow, it seemed almost as if she could feel the warmth of those hearts.

 

It was so quiet, when he said it. Something he hadn’t wanted to admit, something that still ached in his heart. Hidden by the darkness of night, burying his face into Ventus’s chest…

“Once I was all alone, I… wanted to die.”

It was so quiet, when Ventus said it.

“… me too.”

 

He drew Vanitas from the beach, taking hold of both of his hands. He drew Vanitas away, even as tears spilled down his cheeks at the knowledge of why Vanitas had left their bed. He drew Vanitas back to their room, their arms wound tight around each other, salt on his lips.

“I can’t,” Vanitas whispered. Creeping out in the night to futilely search… every time he did it, didn’t it simply become harder? And he wouldn’t stop, and Ventus knew why. Seeing himself within a girl he’d never even laid eyes on, he wouldn’t stop trying to save her. “I can’t just abandon her…”

“No, it’s…” He had no answers, no words of comfort. “I get it, I do.”

What Ventus wanted to say was, “This is just hurting you, Vanitas. I love you, I don’t want to see you suffering like this. You have to stop, for both of us.”

He kept his silence.

“I… she’s a kid, Ventus.” They weren’t much better. Terra and Aqua had been right to treat him like a child, back then. He had been one. Having grown from that time, Ven knew he couldn’t call himself an adult just yet. Vanitas was right to have said it, brushing the hair from Xion’s face as his heart had swelled. They weren’t adults, even if he wasn’t sure that they were still children. “She’s like Roxas. She’s so young. She’s too young to be alone. Just letting it stay like this, I… I can’t accept that…”

Vanitas was fully aware that all he was accomplishing was making himself miserable. Neither of them wanted to admit to it, that Vanitas went out each time already knowing how it would end. And so, rather than facing it, rather than speaking of it, rather than talking about their problems…

Running away from that painful reality, Ventus merely brought their lips together and wished his kiss could fix it all.

He couldn’t hear it, the sound of the waves.

 

They’d been crying over her, and Vanitas didn’t know how he was so certain of that.

Why was it that deep within his heart, he felt as if he was supposed to meet her? Why was it that he felt as if she was meant to be a part of his life? Why was it that he felt as if a link already existed?

Somewhere within his heart, Vanitas knew why it was so. He knew with perfect clarity his own beliefs. He knew why those thoughts and feelings were growing ever-stronger within him.

It was because he himself had decided on it, that they would one day meet, that one day he would answer.

She’d called out to him, after all.

“Hey, about Na-”

That wasn’t why he was there.

Some other time. No… if he asked, he only risked them understanding. Vanitas wasn’t sure if he could stomach it. If they grasped that reality, surely it would cut into them. Fearing that it was something they’d already figured out, he found himself hoping foolishly that they simply missed her. Even though that was something painful as well, that missing someone dearly was its own kind of torture, Vanitas wished that they would never suffer under the weight of that realization.

Their weeping cut deep into his heart.

 

It was because…

No

no

no he didn’t want it he _hated_ it it wasn’t fair

the reality he’d wanted to reject was ripping him apart. It was the truth. What he’d been afraid of had happened. His master was alive and Terra was gone and Aqua had lost and it was only a matter of time.

Something inside of him was

screaming

wailing                     

weeping

He’d failed at everything, at the role he had been given and the role he had chosen both. He gnashed his teeth and felt no pain and wished that the taste of iron would fill his mouth as the sound of her voice broke through to him. He wished it would hurt, that his body would hurt as much as his heart.

Why?

He couldn’t do anything to keep them safe, he couldn’t protect anyone, he was the reason it had all gone wrong.

Why?

A failure of an apprentice, and a failure of a

 

Why had it been?

Because of him.

Roxas and Xion had suffered so horribly, had borne the weight that should have been his.

His master had taken them to take his place once he had disappeared.

Because he was gone, someone else had to be chosen.

He’d left a jagged hole, torn out of what he’d been so vital to.

He’d been important, he’d been crucial. It had all hinged on him, he’d been necessary and he’d vanished. Even though he’d still had tasks to fulfill, even though he’d been the key, he’d failed.

If he hadn’t disappeared, it wouldn’t have happened.

His master had _needed_ him-

 

If he hadn’t disappeared, he would still be there.

He’d still be useful, he’d still be doing what he was made for. But he’d failed and he’d disappeared, and because he had been important someone else had been needed.

 

Because he had died, his master had needed new children.

And Xion was crying because of him again.

 

It slapped him from a dead sleep, a feeling almost like having the life choked out of him. Rather than sitting up, rather than thinking, Ventus rolled out of bed and landed on his feet. The feeling aching and pounding and squeezing inside him, the cold horror gripping his heart in an icy fist, was coming from-

Vanitas hadn’t been in bed with him.

The person whose heart was screaming and sobbing was Vanitas, and Ven vaulted over the railing just in time to be blasted by the force of an Unversed that he had never, ever wanted to see again.

 

All it did was try to tear his life apart. To destroy everything and everyone he loved. To take everything from him. To return him to an existence where he had and was nothing. To punish him for his failure. To leave him empty of everything but pain. It didn’t listen. It cared not a bit for his tears or his wounds. It wouldn’t stop. It couldn’t be stopped. All it did was…

All it did was what, deep in his heart, Vanitas expected Xehanort to do to him.

 

Knowing what he was about to do, knowing what it might do to him, Vanitas hefted a blade and steeled his own heart. It wasn’t going to be the end of him to do it. If he didn’t act, the three of them would simply continue to be hurt. It would hurt everyone, if he didn’t reclaim it. It could snuff their hearts out completely. It was his, and so he would control it. He _could_ control it. He was the one who decided. It belonged to him, and he’d banish it in that moment with the truth.

The demon that had lived inside of him, his own haunting memories, the wounds that hadn’t healed… the truth was that what he was still fighting deep within himself-

That shrieking agony, the scream that ripped itself from his throat, the touch of a blade deep, deep within his own self… none of it could ever compare.

None of it could ever compare to it, how afraid he was of losing them.

 

Opening his eyes to darkness, Ven found himself filled with unease. Vanitas was warm and solid against him, breathing softly and evenly. Between their chests was what beat with the strength of both their hearts, and Ventus found himself soothed by that love. Rolling a little in his arms, Ven realized they were in the shack once more. All of them, because even with the lack of light in the room he could tell that Roxas and Xion were cuddled up together in that single bed once more.

The smile that spread across his face at that didn’t last, as he recalled exactly why all of them had fallen into sleep.

“Vanitas… what happened?” Vanitas was not going to wake up any time soon. There was no way for him to get an answer from those lips. It wasn’t as if he could be roused by something as simple as a kiss, after all.

Still, he couldn’t leave Vanitas to sleep on the ground. They had a bed, after all.

 

Sora’s heart had filled with fog. Clutching Vanitas a little tighter as he realized that, Ventus shivered at the chill. He’d barely managed to teleport them both up to their own room, but even with how high up they were the room wasn’t completely free of the haze. Wanting nothing more than for everyone else to wake up, Ven tugged the blanket beneath them up as much as he could and buried his face in Vanitas’s chest.

If it happened again, could he bear it?

He wouldn’t let go ever again. He’d said it to Roxas with such determination. He wanted to believe it.

If it happened again, would he have the strength to hold on to what mattered?

The storm came, the way he had prayed it wouldn’t. The storm came, and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. The storm came, carrying fear and dread in its wake.

And as Ventus held on with all his might, hot tears spilled over and were witnessed by no one.

 

The person who Vanitas had chosen to reject. The person who Vanitas no longer was. The “him” of the past that Vanitas had killed, that should have been dead and gone…

Why did it feel as if he was lurking unseen behind some corner?

 

It had been four days since she’d felt his presence.

Two weeks since she’d met his eyes.

Four months and six days since she had come home.

Sora and Riku had gone somewhere else, but where? Why did it have to be that way? Why was the only thing she had been granted being taken from her?

Why couldn’t she meet Roxas again?

A fog hung heavy over a heart she could no longer peer into.

 

Curled up on his side in the darkness, listening to a melody that played, Vanitas understood the truth of it. Though for some reason it cut into him, for some reason it seemed to wound his exhausted heart, he could see the shape of that reality.

Once he’d vanished after that battle, Xehanort had never looked for him. Xehanort had spent no time trying to figure out where he had gone. Xehanort hadn’t spared him more than a passing thought after he was gone.

Xehanort had abandoned him a long, long time ago.

It was better that way. It hurt, and a part of Vanitas did know why. Because a part of him still measured himself by it. A part of him still used it as a gauge… whether or not he was useful to him. A part of him still placed his worth in Xehanort’s hands. A part of him still _wanted_ to be useful, to be needed, to be important to him. That was why he’d refused it, the mere thought of what he hadn’t wanted to but did know within his heart.

Xehanort had never needed him. He’d always been replaceable. He had always been interchangeable with someone else. Just a piece, and a new piece could always be carved. A new pawn could always be made. A new tool.

Some tiny, wounded part of him, some naive, childish voice buried inside had wanted it, and lied and lied that deep down it was true. It had tried to convince him and it still believed, and it was long past time that he rejected it. It was long past time that he rejected that idea that had never been spoken and never been reality. It was long past time that Vanitas truly rejected him.

More than ten years later, he had to face the truth. If he didn’t, he would never heal.

“But this is the truth, it is,” that voice pleaded, and it was wrong. It wasn’t the truth. It was just what the heart of a battered child had wanted to believe. Having never admitted it aloud, having kept it locked away, Vanitas had always known it was there. A foolish belief, and a foolish hope. Something that he’d tried to convince himself, because if he hadn’t he would never have survived. Maybe that hadn’t been wrong. It had been a raft to keep him afloat when he wasn’t strong enough to swim.

He’d outgrown it. He no longer needed it, that lie. Not wanting it to be a lie, still longing to cling to it with those weak hands, Vanitas chose to finally let go of it.

The man who had created him had never cared. The man who had brought him into the world had never considered him important, only what he could be used for. The man who he’d called “master” had never viewed him as anything but a tool.

The man who that weeping voice within him still believed was his father had never…

Xehanort had never loved him.

It hurt.

But he didn’t need it, and he didn’t need Xehanort.

Curled up on his side in the darkness, listening to a melody that played, Vanitas felt the warmth of the people who did love him and held tight.

 

It was bad. The situation was increasingly dire and he knew it, and as if Xion vanishing hadn’t been bad enough now Roxas was gone. He’d been naive, stupid.

If someone he loved disappeared, of course Roxas would run to look for them.

Ventus was tearing his hair out over it and Vanitas couldn’t blame him in the slightest. Both of them simply wanted to shout at each other, knowing it would do no good. Nothing they were doing was getting them anywhere. One of them needed to go, and it couldn’t be him, and it was ripping open some fresh hole in his chest. He couldn’t push more out. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to fight. If he didn’t, he’d burst. Something _else_ , he needed something else. His thoughts were pounding inside of him, impossible to silence.

If the dream Sora dreamed ended, where would those two wind up?

Clinging tight to Ventus in that moment, he could think of nothing else to do.

“Ventus I-”

“I love you,” Ventus whispered harshly, and neither of them said anything more.

Unable to go anywhere at all, unable to chase after them, Vanitas indulged in a desperate embrace and knew it accomplished nothing.

 

With everything that was happening, wanting to shout his head off at Vanitas, wanting to give in to panic and fear, Ven knew that he needed to settle his heart if they were going to do anything at all.

Xion had vanished. Roxas had chased after her. Vanitas was too weak to follow, and Ventus was _not_ going to leave him alone. They would come back, he had to believe that. Both of them would find their way back, and things would go back to normal.

They had to go back to normal.

Begging deep within his heart for it to not be so, Ventus believed nonetheless that something deadly was lurking just around the corner.

“Ventus,” Vanitas started, and it snapped something inside of him. He knew what Vanitas would say, and the fact that he was such an idiot that he was starting to say it nonetheless… “You have to-”

“I have to go after them, is that what you’re going to say? Is that what you’re telling me to do?” All they’d managed accomplish had been postponing. It had been foolish. It hadn’t soothed either of their hearts. Though Vanitas had held him so tightly, it had only helped for a moment. Taking comfort in Vanitas’s presence, it wasn’t enough to keep his temper from rising. Of course his temper was rising, having heard such ridiculous words.

Vanitas was telling him to do something _absurd_.

“Of course it is! They went out into that dream, who knows what else is there! Ventu-”

“Oh sure, and you think I’m just going to bolt? Is that really what you want, Vanitas? Yeah, hold on! I’ll just get right on that, and figure out how to scoot on over into whatever that place is! Fat chance!” There was no way he could do it, barely understanding what was happening in the first place. Not even confident that it was a dream that Xion had vanished into, that Roxas had chased her into, Ven didn’t have the slightest idea how to step within it himself. The neon lights of that dark city were harsh as they rippled back and forth between the walls of the shack, and those jarring colors only seemed to throw him into a deeper frustration that was desperate to burst out of him as cruel words.

“Somebody has to go get them back, Ventus! If they could pass through to the streets, the other way around has to be possible. So do it!”

“I can’t leave you here, are you kidding me? Who was telling Roxas to stay put, huh? Now you want me to go too now that he went after her? What’s wrong with you!?”

“You know what’s wrong with me! Your heart is screaming “danger”, you think I can’t feel that? It was bad enough when it was just Xion, I can’t push any more out! Things are going wrong, I need to be aware! Go get them, I’m useless like this!” Like Vanitas could ever be useless. Wanting to knock some sense into him, Ven felt his fingers curling into a fist. They were spiraling and he knew it. Instead of listening to the part of him that was screaming to calm down, Ventus opened his mouth instead with a hot retort on his lips.

“I won’t go without you!”

“You know my heart’s too weak, you idiot! I shouldn’t even be _awake_ right now and you know that too! You can go, you’re more than strong enough to even leave his heart entirely. I can’t! Just listen to me!” It was building from them both, their hearts resonating and driving everything wilder. If someone else had been there, if anyone else had been there to cut between them, they would have been okay. No one else was there, but they would be. They’d be back. They would come back.

“ _You_ listen to _me!_ I believe in Xion and Roxas, I know they’re going to come back! How can you-”

“Ven, I don’t want to lose any more friends!”

It was a bucket of ice water being thrown onto him, and whatever he’d planned to shout at Vanitas next disappeared from his head. Until that moment, Ven had totally failed to pay attention to anything but himself and his desire to vent it all out and fight. Until that moment he’d allowed himself to be swept up in what was raging inside of him and chosen to focus only on the things he hated. Until that moment he hadn’t realized, too lost in his own emotions as they built up into those furious words that he’d spat at someone who he loved so much. Both of them were idiots, but in his blindness he’d been cruel.

Until that moment Ventus hadn’t noticed it, that Vanitas’s eyes were shining with unshed tears.

 

The sight of her crying just tore into him. Xion wept and wept, having wounded her own heart and having finally realized it. Like the “him” from that time, Xion was just a kid in pain. Not knowing what else he could possibly do, it nonetheless felt right to wrap his arm around her and pull her in. She needed someone to support her, until she could stand on her own two feet again. In that moment, Vanitas could become that someone. If she couldn’t do it on her own, that was fine.

No one could live completely alone, after all.

Everyone needed help sometimes, a person he loved had once told him. Xion needed help, and he thought she’d finally realized it. That she’d just been searching desperately to punish herself, asking for ways to hurt herself more. That she was carrying the weight of something far, far too heavy for her. That she’d convinced herself it was hers to bear.

Knowing he wasn’t that much different, Vanitas pressed his lips to the top of her head and understood his heart’s words. Not the words of the child he had been, but the words of the “him” that had stood again. He had to let it go, the guilt burning inside of him for all those crimes he hadn’t committed. It wasn’t as simple as understanding and deciding. But choosing it was, probably, the most important step. He’d take that step, because Xion had taken it.

Having finally understood what she was doing, having finally understood why, Xion had finally decided that she didn’t want it to be that way.

She finally wanted to stop hating herself, and look forward. After everything she’d been through, she wanted to get up again. She didn’t want to simply lie down and wait for her life to fade away. Even with the circumstances, even though things were careening down some dark, awful path, she’d found it – the truth of her own heart.

What could he call it, what was swelling in his chest?

Even with what was happening outside, Vanitas was so proud of her.

Xion was seeking something important from him. He’d set a good example for her, because she was looking to him. And for as long as she kept turning to him for help, he’d keep doing his best to be true to himself for both of them. He’d listen to his heart. So that he could be a good…

Ah, well. Ventus had been right about that, as he so often was. Having had that thought surface, Vanitas knew what it meant. His heart had already decided it, what the truth inside of it was. The girl weeping in his arms who needed him, who he loved and would do anything to protect, he knew who she was to his heart.

Xion was his precious little sister, and nothing would ever change that.

 

It wasn’t welcome, so it had to go. Anything that would hurt them, it wasn’t welcome.

 

The pain of it didn’t matter, tearing it all out. If he sent it off, the rest would follow. Maybe, in some way, he could do something to protect Sora. And if that didn’t work out, if all he’d done was banish it, the armor would keep it from returning. That armor would cradle his heart and keep him safe from what sought to destroy him.

Ventus would keep him safe, so that they would all be.

 

“You never forgot about it, huh. So will you tell me? I already know, but… tell it to me anyway. Why do you want me to have this?”

“Ha! S’not the same reason, as before. A little closer, will you? I do have, _something_ to say to you…” His heart that was losing its strength, it would be saved. His life that he finally loved, it wouldn’t simply flicker out. That, Vanitas knew with certainty. It wasn’t over.

Because Ventus loved him, it wasn’t over.

They didn’t need words, not anymore. But he spoke it, with his heart that still felt it with all its might. Ventus deserved that much, after all. The truth was so easy to say, for once. He wanted Ventus to take it, because…

“Because I want it to help lead you home. Because I want you to find your way back to them. So take this, because I do and will always love you.”

Ah, but he loved them all.

 

He’d been a terrible son, but maybe he’d been a good friend.

Maybe that was the one that mattered.

 

Like he’d let go of Vanitas. He had to be the biggest idiot in the world, thinking that he’d accept something like that. To keep them safe, Vanitas had torn himself apart. But he was warm, and solid, and there. His heart was gently beating, and Ventus wouldn’t allow that to change.

There was no way he would allow it, for Vanitas to die.

It would be okay. He’d keep him close and carry him, for as long as it took. Vanitas would sleep, and one day he’d wake. By then… by then, Ventus knew he’d have found a way to look him in the eyes again. One day he’d be able to stand beside him, and take his hand once more.

One day they’d stand before Terra and Aqua hand-in-hand, and Ven would tell them with pride, “This is the person I fell in love with.”

And then he’d give Vanitas the chewing-out he deserved… as well as the apology.

 

Because it was a sight so striking, because it was something so beautiful even in its bittersweet taste, she drew. Maybe, it would be something she’d never truly capture the meaning of. Maybe, Naminé thought, it didn’t matter if she did.

She drew, and heard the voices that spoke, and found faith in her heart.

One day, with real hands, Naminé would draw a picture of that moment she’d witnessed. She would draw a picture of a boy who held a glittering orb of light and smiled through his tears, and not just him. All of the things she had seen, she would draw – so that those memories could never be forgotten, she would sketch them out onto a page where they could never be erased. What was once blank would be filled with them.

The boy who gave shape to the love he felt, and all the people that it was for.

The boy who had been born with her, and the smile he had shown her.

The pair who sat on a dock at sunset and gazed only at one another.

The girl who hadn’t vanished and hadn’t been forgotten as she looked out on the water.

The boy stood on a twilit beach and breathed in the scent of the sea.

And she would draw…

The sky that every world shared, and the boy whose heart touched them all.

And one day soon, she would give those pictures to them all and say, “It’s so nice to see you again.”

One day soon, Naminé wouldn’t simply be watching from afar.

 

In a room that was filled with Ventus’s memories, in a bed that held his scent, in a heart that was filled with his warmth, he slept. By the time he was able to open his eyes, Ventus would have found it. By the time he woke, it would be to see his face, Xion’s face, Roxas’s face.

Aqua’s face, and Terra’s face.

And the people that they cherished, he would meet them.

By the time he saw the world once more, it would be with them. And he would be able to smile. He would be able to laugh. He would be able to proudly show them, his true face and his true feelings. That day would come.

In a heart that loved him, Vanitas slept.

He'd see them soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have any questions that the story didn't answer or just want to talk about some part, please feel free to leave a comment! You guys and your feedback are what got this story out there on the internet, after all.


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